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 Agn3s Malapr3P makes her debut (HELP. We've been rumbled)

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Bigglesworth
Master Baiter


Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 104
Location: Timbuktoo


PostPosted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 4:38 am Reply with quoteBack to top

This is Agn3s' first foray into the world of baiting. She is a little old lady living in London with only her ancient cat, Felix, for company. Her pet is a young woman named "C3line Bob3". It may come as no surprise to anybody that C3line's dear Papa was a rich coffee merchant, who, alas, met his demise at the hands of Celine's Uncle.....the dastardly b3st3rd. Her mother has died also, so poor Celine is all alone in the world with no money available and only the knowledge of a tin chest which she needs help to repatriate. Let the Games begin....

Dear Faithful,

Good a thing to write you. I have a proposal for you-this however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honour against your will. I know this proposal will come to you as a surprise because we have not met before either physically or through correspondence. I believe is the wish of God.

INTRODUCTION: I am celine boba 21years old and the only daughter of my late parents Chief and Mrs. Andani boba My father was a highly reputable busnness magnet-(a Cocoa Merchant) who operated in the capital of Ivory Coast-Cote d'Ivoire during his days.

It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on the 12th. Febuary 2002. Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled along with him at that time.

But God knows the truth! My mother died when I was just 4years old, and since then my father took me so special. Before his death 12/2/ 2002 he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told her that he has a private letter for me in my wardrope and his about his deposit, but he never told the lady about the money, instead he said family asset and it was when i got the note i discovered it was all about his money at the sum of Sixteen Million, Seven Hundred Thousand United State Dollars.(USD$16.700, 000.00) which he deposited as a family asset with a security trust company.

He further told the pastor of the church where he use to worship that he had deposited a family valuables with a security trust company and it is in my name as his only hair apparant in a written note and also to the security company as well. Though, he never disclose to anybody about the content as money; but make this clear in a private note and kept it in my possession that the content is money so that I can be careful and wise in handling the claim, so he said.

I am just 21years old and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. Now I can not lay my hands on the fund because he left an instruction with the Security Company that the Consignment will only be moved abroad upon my provision of foreign partner. Who will take delivery of the Consignment (1 Trunk Box) on my behalf. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast.

The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life. My Dear, I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can you honestly help me?
2. Can I completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money is in your account?

I want to use this opportunity to assure you of your security on this transaction now and in future. The transaction is 100% risk free. Provided you can give us a very strong assurance and guarantee that my share will be secured. Please remember to treat this matter as very confidential.

Please, Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

May the almighty God bless you,

Yours faithfully.

celine boba


A3nes was dreadfully moved by this plea and replied in her usual compassionate fashion....unfortunately she never completed high school so her spelling is not quite perfect.....but the pets don't seem to mind.......

Dear Miss bobo
I am in reicept of your letter and it's contents are dully noted. I am touched by the tragedy that your father would have died in such encumbrances. I am just an old lady on a small penshun and cannot offer you any help with money, but perhaps I can be of help in other way? You ask 3 questons and I will try to anser them as best that I can do so.
1. Can I honestly help you?
Anser. My dear father would say, do unto others as they would do unto you. I will do my best to live up to that standerd.
2. Can I completely trust you?
Anser. Please look at my anser for question number 2.
3. What percentage of the mony would I need to help you?
Anser. That much mony is more than I can understand, I have no ideas how to work out percetages. What are they?

I live in Britan. Does this make any differance?
I hope that this helps
Sincerely,
a3nes Mal3prop


Apparently it did not matter to the pets what currency they received their scam money in.......and, incidentally, she's "Mother" already..

Dearest Beloved Mother,

How are you today and other members of your Family, I hope all is well with you all by the special grace of God, Your message to me was received and the content is well understand, Thank you very much for your kind and sincere urgent response to my message, Please dear I want you to understand my present condition and help me out with sincere and trust, I pray that God will bless you and also gave you the Wisdom which shall enable you to stand and help me out of this present situation,


Dear Beloved, I want to let you know that this money was deposited in the Security Company, Presently the Security Company did not know that money was inside that Trunk Box because it was deposited as Family Valuables for security reasons, Dear i am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance, After the death of my Father Life has bacame very dificult to me, As i am writing this message to you I am no longer staying in my Father House all because of his Brothers, They have chased me out of the House only because i did not tell them anything about my Father's Whealth which they have plan to take over from me all because i am still a small girl, But glory be to almighty God that i did not tell them anything about the Money my Father deposited in the Security Company,

Dear Beloved, this is why i have come in contact with you, I want you to help me retreived out this Trunk Box from the Security Company and also deliver it direct to you in your Country, As soon as you received it You will now make an arrangement for me on how i can come over to your Country in other to continuet my Education and also to go into Business relationship with you I also want you to send me your full information to enable me submit it to the security company as my new benefiaciry of the consigment on my behalf, the pacentage means that i am willing to ofer you 30% of the total fund after the transfer of it as your compersation ofr this noble cause,

Only what i want from you now is to promise me that you will not betray my trust in you, As soon as i hear from you that you will not disapoint me in this issue, I will gave you the contact of the Security Company where my Father deposited that Money So that you can contact them on how the Trunk Box shall be retreived and also be deliver to you in your Country, I will stop here for now and will be looking forward to hear from you immediately you read this message,
May God almihghty be with you till i hear from you,

Yours Beloved
C3line B3ba





A3nes is most touched by this message and replies, full of hope and goodwill, C3line would be a good caregiver in her old age....no?..... especially as there has been a minor complication regarding Felix and 3gnes "spectakles"...

My dear Celine,
I am so sory for the delay, unfortunaitly my cat, Felix, jumped onto my lap yesterday as I was waching telivision and broke my only pair of glasses. Felix is a large part of my life but he can be a real nuisans at times. Now I don't know how long it will taik for me to have them minded them at the opticals shop.

Your reply was good to receive and I can see that we are talking the same language and are, as the young people say, "on the same wavelength.. Still, I hope it will not taik to long as I can bearlysea without them.

My dear celine, you ask if I would betray you. Can you not realies that I am just as honest as yoo?. I wood like yooo to understood that I am just as onest as yoo are. I wood therefore like to help yoo as bestest I can.

I look forward to heering from yoo soonest.

Love,

Agn3s Mal3prop.



Dear C3line is full of understanding...bless her.....

Dearest Beloved Mother,

I am glad reading your message this morning, Thank you very much for your kind and sincer message to me, I pray that God almighty who made me to come in contact with you will also show me that he is my God, Please dear I want you to understand my present condition and help me out with sincere and trust, I realy know that it is very risk confiding in some one you never know before, But i have already puted everything in the hand of God almighty, And i strongly believe that you will not let me down, Please do understand my present condition and help me out with sincere and trust,

Meanwhile I want to let you know that i have contacted with the Director of the Security Company where my late Father deposited that Money So that i will know how the Trunk Box will be retreived and also be deliver to you in your Country, So the management told me that i will come up with some legal documents from ministry of justice and finance here in (Cote D'ivoire), in other to grant them for the retreival and also stand them to deliver the Trunk Box to you in your Country without any hinderance,

Then i askd them if my Partner can get this legal documents from his Country? But they said ''NO'' because the Trunk Box is being disparched from Cote D'ivoire to Oversea and not from Oversea to Cote D'ivoire, This is the reason why i must get the legal Documents here in Cote D'ivoire, I request the Manager to help me get the Documents hence i know no body in the Federal Ministry, Then he introduced me to a Lawyer attached to their Company,

I have discused with the Lawyer, So he told me that my partner should contact him as soon as possible with his original name and address, He also promise me that as soon as my partner get intouch with him That he will commence with the issue of the Documents without a moment delay, He also told me that he will follow up with the Company, Till the Trunk Box get retreived and also delivered to you in your Country with immediate effect,

HERE IS THE CONTACT OF THE LAWYER.

NAME BARRISTER JAM3S 3N3RST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE )
PHONE ; xxxxx xx xxx xxx

EMAIL; XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXoutgun.com
EMAIL; barristerxxxxxxxxxxxxx outgun.com

I want you to contact the Lawyer as soon as you received this message because he is waiting to hear from you, Tell him that you are contacting him on behalf of Miss C3line B3ba, that he should procced immediately according to my Discussion with him on your Behalf, in other to enable that Trunk Box get retreived from the Company and also be deliver to you in your Country, The Lawyer has also promised to help me get all my travelling Documents ready as soon as the Trunk Box get delivered to you in your Country So that i can join you immediately,

My dear Please i want you to contact the Lawyer as soon as possible today, and make him see the urgent need of those Documents, So that i can join you immediately and continue my new life While you will be taking care of the Money for any Business or investment of your choice, Till i hear from you so that i will know the movement of everything,
May God almighty be with you Amen,

Yours Beloved Daughter
Ce3ine B3ba




A3nes, bless her old heart finds this most confusing. She really must be rather simple as the phrase "dully noted" seems to stick in her mind. Where the hell would she have heard that from?.......

My deer c3line
I am in reciept of your leter and the contents are dully noticed. This is very confused for an old lady like me and i am not seur that i am underhanding it.
As i underhand it you will provide me with some documentations of some kind and I am to get in contacting with a security company. Is that write?
I also dully note that you menshun I should be making providence of some moneys? As I telled you I am just a poor penshuner and don't have much moneys. I live on very small penshun and sumtimes do not even have enough moneys to buy fuel to keep warm or by food. Now I also have to pay for repairing my eyeglases and taking my felix to the vetrinary for rhumatics treetment. How much moneys would be needed?

Love
A3nes



By now C3line has definitely adopted A3nes. How lucky is that?...

[color=red]Dearest Beloved Mother.
How are you doing today? I hope my message meets you in good condition. I am very happy to hear from you once more today , I thank God for knowing you as the write person that God has chose for this noble cause.

Once again, I want to thank you for your message and understanding. Please Mother; I want you to understand that you dont have anything to be afraid as long as this transaction is concerned. It is real and 100%risk free. Like I told you earlier in my pervious messages, I have every document regarding this transaction such as the certificate of the consignment deposit which the security company officials issued to my late father when he was depositing the consignment in their custody.

Base on the above, I have added below the contact of the security company for you to contact them on my behalf and ask them the procedures on how you can help me retrieve the consignment of my late father. Remember to give them the blow pin code that is writen in the document .I want you to tell them that you are my Foreign Guardian who will be helping me to receive the consignment. Also you can ask them how possible it could be for them to transfer the box to your country so that you can receive it there without any problem and please on no account must you tell them the content of the box is cash (MONEY) because my late father told them that the box is containing family Valuable as it was written on the certificate of deposit.

Once again, I want to thank you for bringing out your mind to help me. Also I want to suggest one thing for you that if it can be possible for you to come down here, I will be glad to welcome you so that the both of us can go the security company together and you see everything with your eyes so that as soon as the box is been retrieved both of us can travel together to your country. But if you cannot be able to make it down here, please I suggest you contact the security company so that they can start every arrangement to make sure you receive the consignment as soon as possible. Please I want you to hasten up in everything you are going to do because I am not living happily here as there has been political crisis here in Abidjan .

Again, I want you to suggest any profitable business area where you can invest this money as I do not know anything about International business investments as I will be there to continue my education while you take care of the investments. Below is the contact of the security company.The key to the box is still with me and will send it to you immediately you start the contact with them .


UNIVE3RSAL S3CURITY AND COURI3R SERVICE
ANGRE AV TERRASSON DE FOUGERES
RUE GOURGAS(MITOYEN JECED)
O1 BP 4132 ABIDJAN 01-CI
TEL: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
FAX:xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
CONTACT PERSON DR.3MMANU3L NEWTON
Email:[email protected]

So my beloved One, I want you to contact the security company and ask them any question about this consignment that you wish to know. Again on no account must you tell the security company that the box in their custody is containing raw cash (MONEY) please as soon as you contact the security company do not fail to get back to me for more update. Please I want you to consider my sufferings and condition and help me for God sake.

I will be waiting to hear from you.

Thanks and God bless you.
Miss Ce3ine B3ba

(A most attractive Security Company certificate was attached which must, surely, have been genuine?....)

Image

Agnes replies, but, silly old gal, gets her pet's name wrong, (deliberately Twisted Evil ) but the error is never noticed....

My dear celeste,
thank you for your most resent leter. I have dully understood all what you say. Plees my dear, forgiv me if I make sum mistakes hear, i canot sea to welll as my specticals are stil broken. I do not now when i willl be abel to get them refixed due to my ,living on a very small penshun and having to get poor Felix seen to at the vetrinary. He is in grate pane becos of his athritics.

i do so wont to help you and wil contakt the Security Courrier company to try to find out what i wood need to pay for the safe for you. Howver i can not find the blow pin code that is ritten on the document. Where willl I find that plees?

I do no that this transaction ios 1000% riskey free, if i did not no you so well I wood not do this for a strange person as i wood not trust them. But me and yoo have grate level of trust in us. The sooner we can get the safe to the British isLes, uK the beter it willl be for you and Gory.

I think that my old computer is playing me upp to. I may need to get my nepwhew Lawrerence in to refix it for me. He is verry good with computers and may be able to help me cheeper. Sumtimes I do not trust him as much as i trust yoo but he is all i have got to do this thing for me.

Plees get back to me with the blow pin code as soon as posible. Thank you.
Love,
Mother Agnes



A3nes continues her exploits.....

Cel3ne obligingly forwards the "pin blow code". What a sweetheart this gal is...she'll go to any lengths or co-operation to get at Agnes' money....

Dear Mother,

How are you today i hope you are doing fine i recieve your mail and the content is very well understood the deposit pin code number is BC/5653G/8999T/877/003 you will fine it in the document please do contact the security comapny and also call the on the phone to enable them attend to you very fast Mother please know that we have to keep this very very confidentail only to our selfs for security reason i pray that i will join you soon your beloved Dauther.

Celine


But poor Agnes notes that Celine seems interested only in money. Is she not interested in the fact that her dear old companion, Felix the cat, is in pain....or that her spekticles is broked?.... She decides her dear daughter needs a slight slap..

deer Celine,
i am recieved of your mesage and note the content wel. I must confrim that i am very sory that you do not find it in yoor hart to wory about me and my spectikals or my deer litle frend Felix the cat who is sufered fron bad arthritics. It seams to me that you are interestid only in yor own truble.

I wil contakt the lawyer today but am wondering if yoo are as genuin as yoo make to be. I see also that yoo never anser any question i put to yoo such as hiow much this will cost me to help yoo with. Over the passed days I hav made many question to yoo and yoo never give me ansers. Al yoo ever do is tel me to contact lawyers.

i will rite to yoo again when i hear from the lawyer.

Abnes Malaprop



But, say what you like, Agnes is nothing if not reliable, (else this adventure would end very quickly), and writes forthwith to the Lawyer....

Deer mr James Enerst esq.
my name is Mrs. Agnes Malaprop and i am frend of Miss celine Boba. She has askd me to rite to yoo and enqire after a box she left with yoo. She tels me the blow pin code isbc/5635G/899T/788/0003 and that I need to tel this number to yoo. I beleeve that yoo are to sine this box over too me. Can yoo tell me how yoo can soon do this plaese.

My adress is agnes,[email protected] Thank yoo. How soon can i get it to Great Britain plaese. I have broken my specticles and canot sea to wel so plaes forgive me my mistakes. Thank yoo.

Thank yoo,
Agnes Malaprop. Mrs.


Mr Enerst replies promptly, relieved no doubt to have the income from a little business in his Chambers. But why do these Lawyers ALWAYS shout?....

ATTN. DEAR CLIENT.

YOUR MESSAGE TO MY CHAMBER HAS BEEN CONFIRMED, MEANWHILE BE NOTIFY THAT I HAVE RECEIVED THIS REQUEST FROM YOUR PARTNER MISS CELINE BOBA, REGARDING THE RETREIVAL OF HER LATE FATHER'S DEPOSIT WITH THE SECURITY COMPANY, WHICH INCLUDES DELIVERING TO YOUR COUNTRY.

HOWEVER YOUR REQUEST HAS BEEN ACKNOWLEDGED AND WILL BE GRANTED TO YOUR WISH FOR MAKING USE OF MY CHAMBER IN THIS SERVICE, I PROMISE TO GIVE YOU THE BEST OF LEGAL SERVICE YOU MAY NEED IN THIS SERVICE, MEANWHILE I AM AVAILABLE TO THE FULL AND URGENT NEED OF THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS, WHICH SHALL ENABLE AND ALSO GRANT THE COMPANY FOR THE RETREIVAL AND ALSO DELIVERD TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY AS DIRECTED BY MISS CELINE BOBA WHICH IS ALSO THE NEXT KIN OF THIS DEPOSIT.

TO PROCCED WITH THE LEGAL DOCUMENTS THAT REQUIRED FROM (SECURITY COMPANY) AND TO CLAIM WITH THE LEGAL RIGHT WITH THE AUTHORITY AND OBIDIENCE TO THE REGULATION OF SUCH AND CONVAY THIS CONSIGNMENT TRUNK BOX TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY, ON BEHALF OF THE LATE DEPOSITOR NEXT OF KIN, WHICH YOU ARE DEMANDING TO PROVIDE THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS FROM THE AUTHORITY IN THIS COUNTRY.

(1) AUTHORIZATION LETTER; THIS CERTIFICATE CAN ONLY BE OBTAINED FROM ECOWAS COURT HERE IN COTE D'IVOIRE , THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS SHALL AUTHORISE THE COMPANY TO THE FULL AND URGENT NEED OF THIS CONSIGNMENT TO THE CAPABILITY OF IT'S ENDOUSEMENT AND ALSO STAND THEM TO HAVE DIRECT ACCESS TO THE CONSIGNMENT BEFORE THE FINAL INSTRUCTION FROM THE BOARDS WILL BE GRANTED TO CONVAY THE CONSIGNMENT TO YOUR DESTINATION WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT.

(2) NON INSPECTION CERTIFICATE; THIS CERTIFICATE DOCUMENT SHALL GUARANTEE AND SIGN BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THIS COUNTRY, FOR AWAYNESS AND ALSO NOTIFICATION OF THIS ISSUE TO AVOID ANY UPRISSING PARTY OR SUSPICIOUS CONCERNING THE CONTENT TILL IT GETS TO YOUR DESTINATION THROUGH DIPLOMATIC MEANS.

(3) LETTER OF ATTORNEY OATH CERTIFICATE DOCUMENTS; THIS OATH SHALL BE SWORN BY ME ON YOUR BEHALF AND ALSO YOUR PARTNER, AS A WITHNESS BEFORE THE COMPANY WILL HAVE THE FULL RIGHT TO CONVAY THIS CONSIGNMENT TRUNK BOX TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY ACCORDING TO THE INSTRUCTION OF THE LATE DEPOSITOR NEXT OF KIN.

FINALY, I WILL DO ALL MY POSSIBLE BEST TO SEE THAT YOUR REQUEST WILL BE GRANTED AT I'TS POSSIBILITY AND URGENT NEEDED OF IT, SO YOU ARE HEREBY TO COMPLY AND FOLLOW OUR REGULATION WHICH SHALL ENABLE ME AND MY CHAMBER TO PERFORM ACCORDINGLY TOWORDS THIS SERVICE. MEANWHILE I WILL VISIT THE OUR HIGH COUR THIS AFTERNOON IN OTHER TO KNOW THE PROCCES ON HOW THIS LEGAL DOCUMENTS SHALL BE OBTAINED ON YOUR BEHALF, YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SEND YOUR FULL NAME AND ADDRESS WHERE THIS CONSIGNMENT TRUNK BOX SHALL BE DELIVER TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY INCLUDING ONE COPY OF YOUR PASSPORT OR DRIVERS LINCENCE AND YOUR PHONE AND FAX NUMBER WILL BE HIGHLY NEEDED FOR EASY COMUNICATION IN THIS TRANSACTION .

AS SOON AS I GET BACK WITH THE LEGAL INFORMATION ON HOW THIS DOCUMENTS SHALL BE OBTAINED, I WILL CALL AND INFORM YOU THE LEGAL DETAILS IMMEDIATELY, TILL I HEAR FROM YOU.

BEST REGARDS


BARRISTER JAM3ES EN3ERST ESQ
( U.V.S.C) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE )
PHONE ; XXXXXXXXXXX

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]



cc Ministry Of Justice ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE
cc Ministry Of Forieng Affairs COTE D'IVOIRE


Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Celi3ne, in her answer, makes sure she corrects her omission, which never happens again as Cel3ne is a quick learner.....

Dear Beloved Mother,

How are you doing today what about felix i am sorry for not been asking about my mothers pet and also to your spectakle is due to my ondtion here which is very critical Dear mother your Daughter want to come back home the burden is too muh for me could you belive that i have not eat for two days now i am worried about my life that is why i am focuos to join you and the delivery of the consigment i am happy that you have been in contact with the Lawyer Mother i dont know how much this will cost us because the lawyer is the person who will procure the documents and give us the fees so i dont know beacuse i have not ask him of such please forgive me for not answering all this question all this while Meanwhile you are not to doudt me beacuse of the trust we have buld together here i attached my late father picture and one of my onw again as well please i want you to send me your picture and your phone numbers to enable me me call you any time i have money to call.

Yours Beloved Daughter Want to come back home.

C3line



Agn3s now writes again to Barrister Enerst asking for some clarification.....

Deer mR. attorney Barrister sir,
i am rcieptrd of your leter but cannot reed it verywel as my spectikles is broken.Plees i do not undirstand what you ar saying as your wurds are very legal and I do not now them all. I am jest a widow and do not now good engrish to rite.

I am not sure also that I undirstand why you have to go to the HIGH COUR this afternoon to find out how to compleat this transactun. Don'tt attorney Barister in your contry know how to do this as part of there normal bizness plees? I feal very uncumfurtable if my attorny barrister dose not now hoe to compleat the forms ew nead. Wood yoo sugest that i arrange with mis celine bubu to get another attoney barrsiter plaes?

perhaps you could send me sum proof of yorself. I am sure that yoo wil have a lisense of sum kind. Also yoo did not anser my qsetion about how much this is to cost as i am saving to take my cat Felix to the vetrinary and get my glases renovated. If the cost is to high i wil nead to arange a loan witha bank or sumthing.

Thank yoo in reply,
Agnes Mal3prop Mrs.








Who dutifully replies in heavily accented English, along with some brilliant trophies....

ATTN. DEAR CLIENT.

THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT ALL THE LEGAL PROCCES ON HOW THIS DOCUMENTS SHALL BE OBTAINED HAS BEEN LEGALY DIRECTED ACCORDING TO IT'S RULES FROM FEDERAL HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE HERE IN COTE D'IVOIRE, I HAVE GIVING THE DETAILS TO MY CHAMBER IN OTHER TO COMMENCE WITH YOUR SERVICE, SO MY CHAMBER HAS INDICATE YOUR NON FILE SUBMISSION TO OUR OFFICE AND ALSO TO THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT MOBILIZATION FEE.

YOU MUST READ THIS MAIL AND THE PREVIOUS ONE WITH LEGALITY AND UNDERSTANDING TO ENABLE US IN THIS TRANSACTION I AM SORRY FOR YOUR SPECTAKLE I HOPE YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THIS MAIL AND ITS CONTENT BEACUSE THEY ARE OBLIGATED MY ID AND PASPORT COPY ATTACHED.

WHAT YOU REQUIRED TO DO NOW IS TO OPEN A FILE IN OUR CHAMBER IN OTHER TO GRANT AND ACCEPT WITH YOUR APLICATION WHICH SHALL ENBALE US PROCCED WITH THE LEGAL RIGHT IMMEDIATELY.

IN DETAILS;

TO OPEN A FILE IN OUR CHAMBER IS; 150 POUNDS.

COURT MOBILIZATION FEE IS; 500 POUNDS.

TOTAL ; 650 POUNDS OUR CHARGE FOR THIS SERVICE IS ; $2000 POUNDS( TWO THOUSAND UNITED KINGDOM POUNDS) WHICH YOU WILL PAY TO OUR CHAMBER FOR RENDERING THIS SERVICE TO YOU, BUT THIS MONEY HAS TO BE PAYED AFTER THE SUCCESFULL TRANSFER OF THIS CONSIGNMENT TRUNK BOX TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY, THEN AFTER THAT OUR PAYMENT FOLLOWS.

THE MOST NEEDFULL MONEY WHICH YOU WILL SEND IMMEDIATELY YOU RECEIVED THIS MESSAGE IS 650 POUNDS, KINDLY SEND THIS MONEY IMMEDIATELY TO ENABLE US OPEN A FILE IN YOUR NAME AND ALSO PROCCED TO THE HIGH COURT OF JUSTICE FOR OBTAINANCE OF THE NECESSARY DOCUMENTS ON YOUR BEHALF.

FIND BELOW THE INFORMATION YOU WILL USE TO SEND THE MONEY TROUGH MONEY GRAM OR WESTERN UINON. SEND THE MONEY WITH MY ABOVE NAME AND ADDRESS IN OTHER TO ENABLE ME RECEIVED IT URGENTLY, AS SOON AS YOU SEND THE MONEY HESITATE NOT TO FORWARD THE RECEIVING INFORMATIONS AS WELL.

KINDLY USE MY NAME TO SEND THE MONEY.
NAME; JAMES ENERST
ADRESS; AVENUE 24 RUE 7 TREICHVILLE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE WEST AFRICA)

WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE TODAY IN OTHER TO ENABLE US COMMENCE WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT. FURTHERMORE I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR INFORMATION IS NEEDED TO ENABLE THE MINISTRY ISSUE THE DOCUMENT WHITH YOUR NAME AS THE NEW BENEFICAIRY OF THE CONSIGMENT. ONCE AGAIN YOU ARE ADVICE TO SEND THE 650 POUNDS AS SOON AS YOU READ THIS MESSAGE IN OTHER TO ENABLE US PROCCED WITH THE LEGAL RIGHT AND GET THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS IMMEDIATELY. THANKS TILL I HEAR FROM YOU.

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES ENERST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE )
PHONE ; xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]



Image

Image

Agn3s then replies to Mr. Barrister sir, but gets two baits a little mixed up as "Gory" is in reality, "Glory" daughter of another on-going bait. Mr. Enerst misses this altogether. But, Agn3s, being somewhat financially embarrassed, hits on the bright idea of monthly payments. Likely it would take her about 150 years to pay off the required amount....

Deer mr. Barrister James sir,

thanks to yoo for yoor letter, and the piktures, which contents ar dully noted. i hope that i hav gotten evrthing right as yor leter is very long and constipated for an old lady like mee.

Altho i am not understanding what is MOBILIZATION FEES' plees. Perhaps yoo can ecsplain this for me? This is a grate amount of money for an old lady. Perhaps I can pay it al off in installamnts monthly at a time? In fatc my penshun is only 200 pounds each month and i need spectakles and my felix neads vertrinary so the 650 pounds wood leave me with no spectyakles and no felix and no food for over 3 months.On top of that also the counsil wood take my house away from me becos i would not be able to pay counsil taxes. pleas can i pay this off at 20 pounds a month maybe? Upon being recieved of the first postlke order you cood transfer the name of the chest of valubles to me and we cood get por miss Celest and Gory set up for moving to london in england.

Plees let me kno as soon as posible so that i can get a postle orders for the first month.

thank yoo plees.
Agnes Mal3prop




Barrister Enerst replies with some more blah..blah...

ATTN. DEAR CLIENT.

THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT YOUR MAIL WAS RECIEVE IN MY DESK AND THE CONTENT IS VERY WELL UNDERSTOOD,THE MOBILIZATION FEES IN REQUIRED BY THE MINISTRY OF THIS NATION TO ISSUE THE DOCUMENT ON YOUR BEHALF AND THE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE THE MONEY INSTALLMENTALY SO I WILL ADVICE YOU TO ASK FOR LOAN AND SEND THE MONEY IMMEDIAETLY BEACUSE I HAVE ALREADY CONTACT THEM ON THIS EFFECT AND THEY ARE WAITING FOR THE FEES TO PROCEED IN THIS VENTURE FOR THIS NOBLE CAUSE.


Thank goodnes all this crap is for a noble cause; I'd hate to be doing all this baiting if it were just a scam... but, always reliable, Agn3s also writes to C3line to keep her in the loop.....

deer Celine,
i am sory for not replying sooner i hav been in corespondense with the lawyer and hav had no knew news. The lawyer has send me pikchers of himself with authorisations. At this time we are in tals about hiow i can pay the monies he is asking. He wants something liek 2000 pounds thogh i do not reely no how much monies that is. i hav suspected to him that i pay 20 pounds a month untill it is payed off as i will have no spektacles, no Felix and no home to live in if i canot do this.

I wil giv yoo more news when i get it.

Luv,
Agnes.

p.S. i hav alredy sent yoo a picture of me. I do not hav a telefone as i canot aford it. my naybor, Fanny does have one and i wil see if she will let me use it sumtimes.



Dear mother,

Thank you for your update How is felixe and how are you copeing with out your spectakle please dont worry i will join you soon as soon as possible and your dealings with the Lawyer i understand from your mail that the lawyer need about 2000 pounds to procure the documents from your mail you send to me and you want to be payig him 20 pounds in a mounth till is compelet mother you know if you pay him 20 pounds evey mouths till you pay off it is going to take a lot of time while i am still in this condition mother please if there is any thing you can do to ask of loan or borrow this money with intrest so that we can pay them back after we recieve the consigment that will be more beeter and faster for my condition .

You know that you must keep this transaction confidentail to your self that is to say that you must keep it as a secret till the consigment arrived in London and you make arrangment for me to join you as well ask them for loan and tell them you are useing the money for renovating and you will pay back in due time also get the lawyer informed and possible tell him the day you will send the money to him if you are able to get the half of the money you send to him so that he will proceed with the issue of the document while you look for the balance to pay him. as i dont knwo if he will accept to be paying him 20 pounds every mounth please dear mother comply with him and get me informed.

Yours Beloved Daughter

C3line Bob


Agn3 decides to slap the lawyer because he does not seem to understand she will have to take out a loan for the cash and is always demanding immediate payment....

deer mr. Barrister james sir,
i am in recivement of yoor leter and the contents are dully undestod. i must admit of a grate amount of agrievement as it seams to me that you do not properly reed my leters to yoo. It seams that, althogh yoo are a lawyer and edicatade man and I am poor old widow i do the curtsy of reeding yor leters with cair while yoo do not do that with mine. If yoo reed my leters with cair yoo will sea that i tel you meny times that i am por widow and this amount of moneys is to much for me to have in reddy cash.

plees loke back at my leters and yoo will sea that i tel you over and agane that I wil nead to arange loan of momny from bvank. I also nead new spektokles and my felix neads to go vetrinary becoase he is in grate pane with roomatics. Do lawyers in yoor cuntry have no hart? Is moneys rite now al yoo cair about?

Let me say this moor clear

I AM PENSHUNER AND I DO NOT HAVE MONEYS RITE NOW AND MUST GET LONE FROM BANK IS THAT CLEERLY SED AND DULLY UNDERSTAND NOW?

i will go to lokle bamk tomorow and try to arange loan. If this is not acksepticable tp yoo i sugest you tel Miss celine to find another person to help her. If nobody cairs about me and my felix why should i cair about anybody who dose not cair enough about me to reed my leters properly

Yors sincerly,
Agnes Malaprop Mrs.





While she would hate to cause trouble between Celine and her fine lawyer, Agn3s then communicates her displeasure to her pet. She also introduces an element of uncertainty.....

My deer celine
it is very panefuil for me to rite this leter. Felix is in grate pane and i feal very bad for him. As yoo no i am not rich womans. I have herd bak from lawyer and he insit that i send al moneys imediatly. I had told him that moneys was not redily found hear now and i must try to get lone from bank. He seams to be very rood man as he dose not reed my leters wel at alll. He tel me that he has started deelings with goverment and neads al money at once.

I no that we have grate fealing of respect but i canot deel like this. I tel him I wil try to go to bank tomoro and get lone. If that is not good for you then yoo musdt get someone else to help you.

Pleese let me no by retern if i shood go to bank. it wil meen i must take morgaig i kno and i cood lose my house if you do not retern money when you get to london.
Sincerly,
Mum Agnes






With such a sincere reply from C3line how could anyone be cynical about the deal?........

Dear Mother,

How are you and felix i feel bad for him do to the pain he is going through now and for you my mother you know very well that my desire is to come out of here and live with you as my mother and there is know way we counld not pay back the money to the bank as soon as the consigment is delivered to you please mother we will pay everything with intrest mother please go to the bank and get the loan so that he will facilate this issue i miss you here and felix and wants to be with you soon.

Yours Beloved Daughter

C3line B3ba


Agn3s is too busy for a couple of days, which prompts another letter from C3line...

Dear Mother,

How are you and felix hope you are doing better today mother i have not hear from you for some days now i hope all is well with you please update me your out come with the bank in regards of the loan your daughter is not feeling fine please try as soon as possible to write me so that i will know how you are feeling.

Yours Daughter

Celine



Gawd....this is harder work than the bait itself. Still, I am getting the feeling that these lice will stop at nothing to get at Agn3s' money....

My dear C3line,
thanks you so much for your nice leter, it is very gratefuling to no that yoo are conserned for poor felix and his arthitics. I no that the tiem has cum for me to take him to the vetrinary as he canot jump onto my tabel eny moor so i hav to fead him on the flor. I wil taek him wen i get my lone mony.

I went to the bank on friday and saw Mr. Fuller Br3shman, the maniger. He seams very pleeased to sea me and we had a nice tork about financialling things. He assed me how much i wanted and i telled him ten thouend pounds. when he assed me why i wanted it i told him whot you sed, for renovaeting my toilit. He seams to think that is a good reeson and, althogh he has to put the lone befor the Baird of Direktors, is thinking that i wil hav no trubble geting my mony. He telled me that it will cost me a lot of money for sumthing calld upheevals where a man cums to my house an d tels me whot he thinks it is wurth. Then they giv me the mony depedenting on whot he say this amount of monys is.

i dont no how long this wil taek but wil rite to you again soon. were is the picturs you promised to send me larst time?

Luv,
Agn3s Mal3prop. Mrs.


Dear C3line thinks we should give the lawyer a weeks notice of the impending cash....... boy, do we have news for her... Laughing

Dear Mother,

How are you doing to today how is felix i feel very bad for him in the pains he is going through now i also noted your mail according to your
discausion with the bank maneger is a good idea and i also understand that the bank will come and inspect your bulding before they will give you the money in this venture you have to inform the Lawyer about the situation and let him know that you will send the money in due time that he should give you at least one week to enable the bank grant the loan Dear mother dont worry we will pay them there money immediaetly they deliver the consigment.

You have to called the bank maneger and told him that he should help you in hasting up with the issue meanwhile still tell the the money is to renovate your bulding and toilet know problem i belive in due time i will be with you i also attach my father pictures and my again mother please if there is anything you can due for me now i will be please my condition is very critical to eat food is a big problem to me now i am trying to endure till i join you please ensure that you take cear of your self and felix till i join you .

Yours Beloved Daghter

C3line


At this point we received a Delivery Status Notification telling us that Agn3s' last e-mail could not be delivered as the account did not exist. Shortly thereafter however she reappeared on another address....

Dear Mother,

How are you doing today with felix i hope you are doing fine i have not hard from you although yahoo send me massage in my box that they are acessing it so i could not make use of it for two days now so i dont know if you are sending me massage there please use this one now to send me massage how far have you gone have you inform the lawyer as i told you before to give us sometime to come up with the money ,meawhile has the bank come to inspeck your house to enable the grant the loan? please i am worried beacuse you know my condition is very bad here and i also want to be with you soon please get back to me i am worried.

Yours Beloved Daughter


Overwhelmed with joy at this good news Agn3s replied to her "Dear Daghter"......

deer c3line,
i hope this get to yoo Ok.
Mum Agnes



Joy of joys...it did get to her O.K. and C3line replies...

Dear Mother,

Thank you for your massage and the content is very well noted i am so sorry for felix for the pain he his going through it pains me that i am not there with you to be a part of the house and my condition here as well is bad at this time but i belive in due time i will be with you please i will want you to update the lawyer about this development that he should give us sometime to send the money meanwhile i will be waitinfg as well beacuse i belive that once the bank man inspeck the house they could be able to give you the loan.

Yours Beloved Daughter


But finally Agn3s has some concrete news for deer C3line. The Appraiser came and told her that her house was worth more than she thought.... this will be a great relief to our pets....

[color=blue]Deer celine,
good news. The upheaval man from the bank cmae and looked my house over. He was a verry nice man and verry polite to me. He tell me that he feals my house is wurth more than I thort and that the worthyness of it wood meen that I cod get more lone than ten thosand pound. Not that I nead more but that is nice to no isnt it.

Now i hav to wate for Mr. Fuller Brushman the maneger to get in touch with me so that i can go sine the forms they nead to giv me the mony. i will let you no how i get on as soon as I cane.

Love,
Mum Agn3s.


Responsible to a fault, and reliable also, Agn3s writes to the lawyer to keep him up to speed on the deal....

Deer Mr. Barrister James sir,
thank yoo for yoor letter whcih contents are dully understanded. I have been in contac with my bank an a man wil cum on mondy to do an upheaval to deside how much my house is worthy of bringing if sold. I have arsed for a lone of 10000 pounds wich wil get treetment for my felix, by me new spectikles and help me help miss Celine to get her box back. No yong girl shoold lose her box in this way. A gurls box is very importent to her and shood be protracted at orl times i think.

I hope to hav sum news for you as soon as posible and wil contact yoo again then.

Agn3s Mala3rop. Mrs.


Mr Lawyer sir, acting no doubt in the best of faith, replies promptly, (and hopefully... Twisted Evil


ATTN. DEAR CLIENT.

THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT YOUR MAIL WAS RECIEVE IN MY DESK AND THE CONTENT IS VERY WELL UNDERSTOOD,I AM DUELY FOLLOWING THE TRANSACTION WITH ALTMOST UNDERSTANDING ACCORDING TO YOUR SITUATION YOU ARE ADVICE ACCORDING TO YOUR MAIL TO GET THE LOAN FROM THE BANK AS YOU SAID,

MEANWHILE I WIIL AWAIT YOUR RETURN FROM THE BANK AS SOON AS YOU GET BACK FROM THE BANK WITH THE FEES TRY AND SEND IT BEACUSE THE MINISTRY ARE ALREADY PREPARING THE DOCUMENTS THAT WILL ENABLE THE SECURITY COMPANY TRANSFER THE CONSIGMENT TO YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY.MEANWHILE I AM SORRY OF YOUR SITUATION OF YOUR SPECTAKEL AND YOUR FELIX PET.

FURTHERMORE I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR INFORMATION IS NEEDED TO ENABLE THE MINISTRY ISSUE THE DOCUMENT WHITH YOUR NAME AS THE NEW BENEFICAIRY OF THE CONSIGMENT.
THANKS TILL I HEAR FROM YOU.

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAM3S EN3RST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE )
PHONE ; XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]
[/color]

The Lawyer is also overcome when Agn3s lets him know the next morning that her home is worth more than expected...

ATTN. DEAR CLIENT.

WITHE THE REFERENCE TO YOUR UPDATED MESSAGE THIS MORNING CONCERNING YOUR ARRANGEMENT WITH YOUR BANK IN OTHER TO HAVE SOME LOAN FOR THE COMPLETION OF THIS TRANSACTION, REALY YOUR MESSAGE WAS WELL NOTED WITH IT'S CONTENT, FURTHERMORE I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU IMMEDIATELY YOU HAVE CONCLUSION WITH YOUR BANK SO THAT I CAN PROCCED AND OBTAIN THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT.

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAM3S EN3RST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE)
PHONE; xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
MAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]


Agn3s obtains some forms from the Bank of H3ghbury N3wton in London that require both C3line and the Lawyer to act as 'Referees" in this matter....

C3line mirrors the joy at the thought of a larger loan but does not feel she can do justice to being a referee..... she therefore suggests that Agnes fill the form in for her....... the lazy laddess..... Crying or Very sad

Dearest Beloved Mother,

How are you this morning Mumm, I hope all is well with you by the special grace of almighty God, Meanwhile How is Felix? I hope he is feeling fine, Actualy i just received your message and also the attachement Documents which you received from the Bank, Infact Mummy i dont know how and where i will start feeling this, You realy know my Age, and you know that i have not done anything like this before, Please Mumm i want you to feel the Form yourself because i dont know what i will write on it, I also dont want to make mistake, So i want you to feel it to the best of your knowladge and submite to the Bank, So that they can be able to release the Fund to you,

Meanwhile i will be looking forward to hear from you as soon as possible you read this message so that i will know how you are feeling today and also Felix, Thanks Mumm and may God be with you Amen,

Yours Beloved Daughter
C3line.



To be continued.....





- Twisted Evil


Last edited by Bigglesworth on Sun Feb 03, 2008 3:52 am; edited 7 times in total
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Bigglesworth
Master Baiter


Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 104
Location: Timbuktoo


PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 8:41 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE.....SORRY FOR THE DELAY. THE BAIT HAS BEEN ONGOING BUT I HAVE NOT HAD THE TIME TO POST IT HERE....

Please note that I am a newbie to this, and I get confused back and forth between files on my machine. I have therefore decided to use my reference numbers at the beginning of each e-mail.

Agnes is not impressed at the thought that Dear C3line wants her to fill in the forms on her behalf, and lets her know in no uncertain terms....

(42) My deer Celine,
thank yoo for yor leter whcih i recieved and the content duely noticed. i dont no hiw to reply to yoo as i think yoo are asking me to lie to Mr. Fuller brushman by filing in my own referees in my aplicashun for the lone. I no yoo are student but shoorly yoo no this is false and fraud yoo arsk me to do. I am not edicated parson as yoo mayno, when I was litle girl we never went o skool very much and I dont spel too good. But i no that I must not comit fraud like this. I can be arested and taken to jael and then what hapen to my por old Felix with noboby's to look after him?

After trying to help yoo so much that i was eeger to make lone on my hose i think this is very bad on yor part. I have contect Mr. Fullerbrushman hoo telled me that he thort it was rong to fil in detail for myself and if yoo will not help with lone ment for yoo then i shood recomence that yoo get someone else to help yoo bring yor monies to uK. Orl yoo neede to do is rite litle leter teling the informashun they ask yoo. Mr. Fuller Brushman insist this is not a form. Orl they need is litle leter. I am sory yoo do not do this for yorself and the monies yoo need. I hope yoo find someone to help yoo hoo is richer than me and can help yoo quicker. If yoo chanje yor mind let me no quickly.

Luv,
Mum agnes.


C3line, knowing she has committed a faux pas, rushes to reassure the old gal....

(43) Dearest Beloved Mother,
How are you and your family how is felix i hope he is doing fine, I recieve your chock email i was crying after reading your email today and the kind of worlds you use that is fraud what is fraud i dont know the meaning meanwhile if not feeling the form will be problem i have gone this morning to meet my friend who help me to fell the form as you and the bank requested the form is attached for your refrence,i have done everything concerning the form by the help of my friend please mumy you know the trust we bot have on each orther please dont think of any betrayal from me beacuse i will not do any thing of that kind to you from the form i told the bank that you are my step mother which i will not betray you or do anything bad to you mumy do not think of anything bad from me beacuse i will not do so i love you and trust you as my mother you know that my condition here is very bad please mumy contact your bank so that they can finalize the issue please mumy dont leave your daughter.

Yours Beloved

Celine


Below are the forms which C3line was required to sign. Unfortunately her obviously incompetent lawyer cannot understand plain lawyer jargon and the forms were returned to the Bank of Highbury_ Newton incorrectly signed....

Image
Image
Poor Agnes, the stress getting to her, had a heart attack which delayed her being able to get the forms back to The Bank Manager, Mr. F3ller Brushm3n....

(46) Deer Celine,
thenk yoo for the form wich yoo reterned to me. I am sory that i Have not rote for a few days, I hav been to the hospatal becos I had truble with my hart. I went nonconshus on Thersdy and woke up in the hospatal. I am lucky my naibor Fanny found me else I mite have dide. the amblance took me to hospatal and fanny lookt after felix for me. I am so greatful for Fanny she is good naibor. But i spose I shood expect this salt of thing at my ague.

I wil speek to Mr fuller Brushman as soon as i am abel about the form and i wil pass his sayings on to yoo. Won good thing, the docter telled me that i mite be abel to get new spectikles soon as thay think the presher of not been abel to sea proper has bean cawsing wot he call stres or sumthing. it wood be good to be abel to sea proper agane.

Luv,
Mum Agnes


C3line is angry that she is not able to get to help her dear adopted Mother....

(47)Dear Beloved Mother,
How are doing today i am very happy to read your mail after so long and very angry to know that my mother is sick mother i am very soory please take cear of your self very well and due take your drugs please thank our naibour mrs fanny for me i will personaly thank her in a specail way when i come over, I will be very happy if the hospital will give you another spectakle so that you regain your sight very well once again thank mrs fanny for taking cear of felix this pains me much because i am not with you this is my resposible to take cear of you,

I pray i will join you soon bye for now hope to read from you soon

Yours Beloved Daughter
Celine


Agnes has her doubts that Mr f3ller Brush_man's lawyers will accept the forms as reurned by C3line. That old gal ain't as stupid as she seems.... Very Happy

My deer celine,
thanks to yoo for yoor nice leter. it dos me verry good to no that yoo feal so much for my helth. The docter at the hospatal is telled me that i am under to much stres. thogh i dont no wat that meens. He assed me if i am doing enyhting that mite cawse me stres or get me upsetted so I sed no. He sed that if i do do enything to get me upsetted it mite kil me as my hart wood stop. I canot aford the medistications to help keap my hart running so I am skaired.

I think that noing you are in danjer make me upsetted and I wonder if I shood go on trying to get the lone from mr. Fukller Brushman. Wen i larst speaked with him he sed that he was not sure if the Bord of Directorships wood accept won leter from you and the lawyer insted of sepret wons eech. i hav to wate untill mundy to find out wot he thinks after asking the Cheef directorship man.

I wil let yoo no as soon as i find out. I reely wonder if yoo shood not try to find another richer person to help yoo. This lone bizness is cawsing me a lot of upsetedness.

Luv Mum Agnes and deer Felix.


C3line is very upset at the thought that maybe she should try to get somebody else instead of Agnes to help her repatriate her loot. (Was that what this was all about?) Laughing She has decided that just MAYBE monthly installments might work after all. Let's face it, a tiny fraction of a loaf is better than nothing.So nice to know that she doesn't want to lose Mumy in the middle of sea...

(49) Dear Beloved Mother,
How are you doing ith your health i feel sad about the condition you are right now your health is most important thing now for me beacuse i need you to be alive for me mother you will not die you will see your daughter celine and stay with her , Mother was crying after i read your mail concerning that i should find another person mother i did not expect you to tell me such thing in this my condtion you know the only person i know is you ,

Dear Mother i want you to contact the lawyer and told him that you will be paying him 50 pounds every month or you talk to your naiubour mrs fanny if she can borrow you with some money to enable you complet this transaction but if she dose not have please talk to the lawyer so that you will be free from stress beacuse i dont want to lose you mumy please.I really want to be with you and felix to continue my life ith you in london please mother dont leave your daughter in this middle of sea .

Yours Beloved

Celine


Agnes, bless her old heart just can't see leaving her daughter stuck up the creek without a paddle. What a fine old lady she is.....

(50) deer Celine,
thenk yoo for yoor nice leter. I am sory that i did not rite befor as i hav bene verry bisy. I taked Felix to the vetrinary and he now has some medicals to take too help his arthritics pane. The vetrinary has agread to let me pay for the medicals over a few week. He is nice man.

Thank yoo for yor offer to send moneys each month. I wil not be abel to do this as Fanny has a litle dog named arther. arther got into acsident with car sum time ago and lost too back legs. Fanny has bene in tuch with a man hoo make litle carts for dog and cats like arther and she has bene saving for a cart for arther. so she canot help me i think.

I am stil wating for mr Fuller brushman to get back to me about the referees form and wil be in tuch with yoo as soon as he do this.

Luve,
Mum Agnes


Agnes thinks that maybe "someone" is getting wise to her little scheme, as there is a delay in anyone writing back to her. Obviously some folks just don't like keep signing forms. So she writes suggesting there might be another way... Twisted Evil

(51) my Deer Celine,
well it has been long time when i rite to yoo larst. I do hope yoo are all rite. As i promise I am keaping you in tuch with wot is going on. I hav herd from mr. Fuller Brushman about my lone. they had the Board of direcktors meating yesterday and my asking fior a lone was diskused. I am afrade that it was terned down as they sed they had to have letters from too referees seprate and not together as yoo did it. Thay sed that becos I am old lady i am not good a beeng credit risk. I feel very badly as I wanted so much to help yoo. My naibour, Fanny sed maybe i should go to bisness caled Muney Mart to get lone. She sed they give lones out much kwicker than bank. Ecsep they charge more interesting for the muney. I dont understan this interesting stuff. Wot do you think?

Luv,
Mum Agnes


What does C3line think? Do pigs give pork? What a wonderful idea. Good grief, anything to get at some cash. So she's been sick? Thank goodness, we thought it might be something serious...

(52) Dear Beloved Mother,

How are you and felix i hope you are doing fine i ał sorry for not relying to your mail lately is because i am very sick and i have know money for treatment mother my condition is very bad here which you know better by now i hardly feed my self and i can not afford to go to hospital because i have know money, Meanwhile i have understand your mail please if the business people will give you the loan fast please meet with them no matter the intrest we will pay when finaly i joined you mother please act fast to this effect your daughter is in sorry if not possible talk with the lawyer if he will accept 50 or 100 pounds monthly mother please.

Yours Daughter

Celine


Meanwhile, back in London, things have not exactly gone swimmingly for Agnes. The poor old gal got stucked. (That bloody nephew Lawrerence again). And she's having second thoughts about Money Mart too...

(53) my deer Celine,
i am so sory not to rite to yoo before again. as you no i hav a nefew named Lawrerence and he was hear yestidy. He used my toilit and left the seet up. i was not waring my old spectikles becos thay are stil broked. I went to use my toilit later and sat down and got stucked. i sat ther for sum time until my naibour, Fanny, came in to sea whare i was. I felt very faint and hav bean in bed ever since. I am verry sory that i hav not bean abel to get to the Muney Mart company yet. Mr. Fuller Brishman did fone from the bank and telt Fanny to pass on to me that the bank wil give me my lone muneys if yoo and the lawyer will sine as guarantees people. He sed that thay hav the form orlreddy maid up. this seams like a good plan to me as thay hav alreddy sed that my house is good for a lone. Then i can send yoo the full amount of the munneys al in won lump. Plese let me no wot yoo think.

Luv Mother agnes.


MORE TO COME. AT TIME OF POSTING THESE POOR IDIOTS HAVE BEEN WRITING TO MUM AGNES FOR SEVEN WEEKS NOW. THEY ARE NO CLOSER TO GETTING A PENNY THAN THEY EVER WERE. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE....DON'T GO AWAY Twisted Evil

Celine expresses her sorrow at Agnes getting "stucked in the toilit" and, joy of joys, opens the door to being prepared to "singe" anything. Little does she know..... Twisted Evil

(54) Dear Mother,


How are you and felix i hope all is well i recieve your email i feel very bad reading your mail beacuse of what your nephwe did to you i dont like that it pains me from my heart that is the reason why i am pleading you to do everything possible to enable me join you before this xmas.

I will singe what ever you told me but i dont know about the lawyer mother please if the bank is taking much time on this i prefer you tell the orther business people that we give you the loan very qiuck so that we will facilate this before next weekend.
I will be looking forward to hear from you as soon as possible.

Yours
Celine


Our friend, Marvinator was good enough to work some magic and prepare some forms for Celine which would allow her and her Barrister to join the party and singe their lives away. So the lass would like us to get the cash before the weekend? Believe me my pet this has only just started..... Laughing

(55) Mi deer Celine,
how good of yoo to incwire after my helth as yoo do. Felix is good rite now, the medifications seam to be doing him good now. He dose not meeow neerly so ludly when he uses his durt box and seams much hapier thn he were. He seams to be abel to jump on to the tabel more easy too wen he licks my plait at super. I went and seed the Manager of the bank, Mr. fuller Brushman today and he spended a lot of time teching me how to send yoo the garantee froms. There is 4 paige and i will try to put them on this leter to yooo. He sed to reed throuh them cairfull before you singe them and yoo can just send the last wun bak to me to take to the bank after yoo hav singe it. Wot will yoo do to get the lawyer mr James Enerst to singe it? It wil take both singenitoors for the bank to acsept it and giv me the munneys for yoo. Plees let me no bout this. It is so much for me to look forwerd to wen I think yoo wil cum to London to look after me. Soon i will nead a good daughter to look after me as i am geting very old and canot cair for miself to wel now. Lawrerence is no good at nersing me, he only thinks of going to party and stuff. i look forwerd to geting too copys bak with singenitoors on them so we can go to the bank and get the munneys.

Luv,



Next up...the 4-page "Guaranty Forms". they're a long read long but very funny. Marv certainly taught me some tricks to use later on......

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Agnes, legally savvy old broad that she is, signs her form in the correct place and sends it off for Celine And Barrister James Enerst to sign....

(55) Mi deer Celine,
how good of yoo to incwire after my helth as yoo do. Felix is good rite now, the medifications seam to be doing him good now. He dose not meeow neerly so ludly when he uses his durt box and seams much hapier thn he were. He seams to be abel to jump on to the tabel more easy too wen he licks my plait at super. I went and seed the Manager of the bank, Mr. fuller Brushman today and he spended a lot of time teching me how to send yoo the garantee froms. There is 4 paige and i will try to put them on this leter to yooo. He sed to reed throuh them cairfull before you singe them and yoo can just send the last wun bak to me to take to the bank after yoo hav singe it. Wot will yoo do to get the lawyer mr James Enerst to singe it? It wil take both singenitoors for the bank to acsept it and giv me the munneys for yoo. Plees let me no bout this. It is so much for me to look forwerd to wen I think yoo wil cum to London to look after me. Soon i will nead a good daughter to look after me as i am geting very old and canot cair for miself to wel now. Lawrerence is no good at nersing me, he only thinks of going to party and stuff. i look forwerd to geting too copys bak with singenitoors on them so we can go to the bank and get the munneys.

Luv,


Barrister Enerst, sensing a big payout, replies very quickly....

(56)DEAR CLIENT.

TO NOTIFY YOU THAT A MESSAGE WAS RECEIVE FROM MISS CELINE BOBA AND A CONTENT OF DOCUMENT WAS ALSO FORWARDED AND TO CLASSIFIED THE VENTURE I HAVE FEEL THE FORM AS SHE FORWARDED IT TO ME AS SHE SAID.


BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES EN3RST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE)
PHONE; xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]


While Celine, no doubt totally independently of Barrister James, does the same. But wait....is there collusion here? How come both signatures are on the same form? No matter, I doubt the bank will be satisfied anyway, not with the dates of singeing being screwed up that way..... Rolling Eyes


(57) Dear Beloved Mother,

How are you and how are you coping with your health i hope you are doing fine i wish i join you soon i recieve your mail and the content is well noted i recieve the form and also forward it to Barrister James for him to singed it Thank God that he singed it and return it to me i have singe it and scan it for the process attached is the form so mother please forward it to the bank for the loan as they promise Dear mother it will be my most wonderfull moment to celebrate the xmas with you so mother i want you to hurry up with the so that you will make arrangment for me to join you immediaetly befaore the 23th of this mounth i will be hoping to read good news from you .

Yours Beloved Daughter

C3line


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Agnes is super-excited at receiving the singed letter back from Celine and in her exuberance she writes back to Barrister James.....

(Note to my Readers.....Dear Readers, I have just accidentally deleted at least a full hour of posting work here...... SH*T...... Crying or Very sad )

However, the show must go on...back again to Agnes......


58 Deer Mr. James sir,i am receited of yor leter of today and confurm that i hav resieved you leter of garanty. Thank yoo. I wil be taking itto my bank Manajer Mr Fuler brushman jest as soon as i can get out becos the wether is verry bad hear today. I no that this leter from yoo wil help my deer daughter Celine to get my lone for her. I wil be in contac with yoo as soon as i heer more news from Mr. BrushMan..
B
sinsearly,
Misiss Agnes malaprop.


She also writes to Celine, just to keep her informed.....and to waste extra time... Twisted Evil

(59) My deerest Celine, thank yoo for inkwiring after my helth. That meens so much to me i am qite good and Felix also sends his luv to yoo for asking aftur him eech time yoo rite. the Wether is not to good thoug and i no it is hard on my bones at this time of yeer. I wood like to be abel to put the fires on in my hous but i canot aford to do that now as it cost to much. The seven milion dolars yoo have to bring hear wil help to heet us when yoo get hear. i hav recieve the leter from mR James and hav rote back to him about it. I wil be taking the leter to mR Fuller BrushmAn jest as soon as i can. It wood be wunderfull ti\o hav yoo hear to look after me over Chrismas and i hope that Mr. Fuller Brushman can hurry his bank loaner peeple up to help do this. I wil be back in tuch with yoo jest as soon as i heer more. Felix send a
big kis and Fanny my naibour say hullooooo

Luv,
Mum Agnes


Mr. Barrister James sir Esq, is only too keen to get the show on the road again and can fairly smell the loot pouring in. Besides, this is, after all, A NOBLE CAUSE....(though he is still after a massage in his chambers ...what sort of gal does he think Agnes is?)

(60) DEAR CLIENT.

IN ACCORDANCE WITH YOUR REPLY TO MY MASSAGE MY CHAMBER IS WAITING FOR THE PAYMENT TO ENABLE US PROCCED IN THIS VENTURE FOR THIS NOBLE CAUSE.

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES EN3RST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE)
PHONE; XXXXXXXXXXXXX

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]


But what's this? All is not well back at the Bank of Highbury Newton. Our eagle-eyed Lawyer, Mr. Harold Schnark, has noticed the discrepancy in dating of the form. Oh dear, we suspected as much. Now too, because of this silly mistake, the Bank requires witnesses ti the witnesses. So a distraught Agnes writes to Celine....

(61) My deer Celine,
how ar yoo today? I wonder how Mr. james Enerst is today also? I do so hope yoo ar all in good helth. My felix is in good helth and i am in good helth as wel. today I herd from Mr. Fuller brushman, the bank Maneger. He telled me that he has had a leter from the lawyers of his bank, a man names Harold Snark. Mr. Snark telled Mr Brushman that Mr. enerst did not fill out the form proper. It seams that he did not put the rite date on his paper. Becos Ido not have new spectikles yet i did not sea the mistaked part. He says that it is needed to make out a new form from what I sended you larst time. I am sending yoo the leter what mr. Snark gived to Mr. Fuller Brushman so that yoo can sea wot they needs to go forwerds with the lone bizness.It seams that becos of this mistaked thing ypoo and Mr. Enerst will have to get an extra signiture to each of yor signatores. Mr Brushman sed that yoo wil also nead to get the noo signatorers to rite out there names as wel as signatoring the paper. This shood be dun under the signators. I dont no why this is but it seams that this is wot the bank wil nead now. I hope this wil not be dificult for yoo. Plees ask Mr. Enerst to do it proper this time.

Luv,
Mum Agnes


To verify the sincerity of her letter she attaches the letter which Mr. Schnark wrote to Mr. Brushman...

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Now what could be simpler than that? Full instructions are included by Mr Schnark and no Indipendint Lawyer should be able to misconstrue the clarity of this letter......could they? Let's hope they get it right next time....NOT.... Laughing

Agnes also....just to facilitate the loan....writes to Barrister james Sir, Esq..

(62) deer Mr. Barrister james esq Sir,
i hav reseeved this leter from my bank Maneger, Mr. Fuller brushman. yoo wil sea that his bank lawyer mr. Schnerk seys that yoo did not sine the paper proper. I hav sended this to mis Bobba but she has not repleyed. I am worry as i no that sum bad peeple were after her. will yoo pleas contakt her and tel her that ia am worry. and wil yoo pleas fil in the form proper so and sended it bak so that we can go ahed with my lone and help Mis celine and procced in this noble cause and by meself sum new spektikles.

thank yoo fer beeing a frend.
Agnes


Who, being a very polite gentleman, replies...

(63) DEAR CLIENT.

THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT YOUR MASSAGE WAS RECIEVE AND THE CONTENT IS WELL UNDERSTOOD I AM SORRY FOR THE MISTAKE IN THE FORM BUT WE HAVE AMEND IT AS STATED BY YOUR BANK LAWYER,MEANWHILE THE FORM IS SINGED WITH WITNESS AND THAT OF THE MISS CELINE BOBA AS DIRECTED BY THE LAWYER OF YOUR BANK MEANWHILE SUBMIT IT AND PROCCED IN THIS VENTURE. YOU ARE ALSO NOTIFY THAT THE CONDITION OF YOUR DAUGHTER IS VERY BAD AS I NOTICE THAT SHE WAS VERY SIC AND NEED TO BE TAKING TO THE HOSPITAL BUT DUE TO THERE IS KNOW MONEY IN THAT ASPECT I ADVICE YOU TO DO EVERYTHING FAST TO MAKE SUER YOU TAKE HER ALONE WITH YOU BEFORE SOMETHING VERY BAD HAPPEN TO HER.

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES ENERST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE)
PHONE; XXXXXXXXX

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]





To be continued.....
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Bigglesworth
Master Baiter


Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 104
Location: Timbuktoo


PostPosted: Mon Dec 31, 2007 1:40 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Would you believe it's getting VERY close to Christmas and this silly girl still thinks she can get to the U.K. in time for the festivities? She must come from another planet....


(64)Dear Beloved Mother,
How are you and how are you coping with your health i hope you are doing fine i wish i join you soon i recieve your mail and the content is well
noted i recieve the form and also forward it to Barrister James for him to singed it Thank God that he singed it and return it to me i have singe it (68)and scan it for the process attached is the form so mother please forward it to the bank for the loan as they promise Dear mother it will be my most wonderfull moment to celebrate the xmas with you so mother i want you to hurry up with the so that you will make arrangment for me to join you immediaetly befaore the 23th of this mounth i will be hoping to read good news from you .

Yours Beloved Daughter

Celine


One thing we must say for Celine. She's a quick learner. After that first slap she has never failed to enquire after poor old arthritic Felix the cat. That's good. But now we have more pressing things to worry about. Celine is showing signs of stress and threatening to drink acid. I wonder where she'll get it from? Maybe by stealing the battery out of someone's car?


(65)Dear Mother,

How are you and felix i hope you are doing fine how is your health today hope there is know problem in your end i am sorry for my my late reply to your emails is due to that i am very sic and i have not gone to the hospital i was sleeping when the barrister called said that i shall singe the document from you bank that there is mistake and he told me also that you are asking about me as well, i have singed the documnt and he go with it so i understand by now that he has send you the document dear mother i am really in deep trouble now as i need to go to hospital but i dont have inssurance beacuse here if you dont have innsurance the hospital will not treat you i am dieing in pains here everyday couple with the develoment of geting the loan from the bank mumy as i told you before that i will like to join you in this season if something is not done fast mother i will kill my seld i will drink acid and die i mean what i told you in the name of God. i need to go to hospital before the sickness kill me silenty but they are demanding about 50 pounds please mother send this money for me to enable me to be treated i hope to hear you qiuck responce to this email .

Yours Beloved Daughter.

Celine Boba


Deeply troubled by this apparent consideration of suicide by Celine, dear, compassionate old Agnes writes forthwith to Mr. james Eberst Sir, Esq. One can also see how an illiterate like Agnes can learn form these learned people. She always thought that "Duly" only had one "l", but now Barr. James has put her right. She is also surprised that one "singes" letters and wonders what this does to the paper. She thinks her input is sufficiently important and urgent to shout back at Barr. james....

(66)DEER MR BARRESTER ENERST SIR,
THANK YOO FOR YOOR LLETER WHICH I HAVE DULLY UNDERSTOOD. I AM AFRADE THAT YOO HAV STIL NOT FILED OUT THE FORM RIGHT AND PROPER. MY BANK MANEGER TELLED ME THAT HE HAD TO RITE A LETER TO YOO TO TEL YOO WHY THIS IS. HE ARSED ME TO SEND THIS LETER TO YOO FOR YOO TO PUT RITE. I AM SORY THAT I CANOT SEND MONIES TO MISS CELINE BEFORE THE LONE IS MADE UP BUT I DO NOT HAV ENNY TO SEND. EVEN MY POOR FELIX HAS TO HAVE MENDICATIONS ON CREDIT AS MY VETRINRY IS A GOOD MAN AND DOES IT FOR FREE FOR NOW. PLEESE TRY TO STOP MISS CELINE FROM DRINKING ACID AS THIS WILL NOT BE GOOD FOR HER STUMMICK, THANK YOO. PLEASE GET THE FORM SINED PROPER BACK TO ME VERY QUICK SO THAT WE CAN GET MISS CELINE OVER TO LONDON BEFOR CRSTMAS.
THANK YOO.
MRS. AGNES MALAPROP


In truth Agnes is quite pumped up with the thought that maybe Celine can make it to London in time for the Christmas period. She has been able to procure a hamper from the local church and things look quite rosy for her. She also adds a note of cheer and encouragement for our pet, just to keep her spirits up....

(67) My deer celine,
tahnk yoo for yor very nice leter. I am very wel thanks yooand lookin forwerd to Crismas with my Felix. His atrthritics is much beter with the new mendications wot the vetrinry gived me. The vetrinry is a very nice men and felix like him to. The vetrinry scraches felix belly and behine his eer and felix perr very loud. I wil hav good Cristmas this yeer as I am geting hamper from locle church with turkie sand tins of food and al sort of good things. I think it wil be the best Crismas i hav had for meny years. I do so hope yoo can get heer to shair it with me.

I am sory that it is taken so long to get monies to yoo. Now i hav attach another leter to yoo. This time from Mr brushman. He say yoo and lawyer stil not done form signatorising proper. He say the lawyer shood no these thing and he say the witnes peoples not do good job rite. I think Mr. Brushman not impressive as he have to rite leter like this. He also say sumthing abiut number but I dounot no wot. His leter tel the thing i think.But the lawyer is making very big hold up in lone as Mr brushman canot make final payment to me of lone until papers dun rite.

I am sory to here that you are felling lowly. or that you is sick in the stumack. That is not good and i wish i cood send monies for the hospital to pay yoo. But if i send monies to yoo i wil not hav enuff for the morgage and then maybe they take house even before i get lone threw. And i canot do that as my pore Felix wood be so sad if he is threwn out on the strete. Just try to hold on for a litle more longer as i think we can get the monies to yoo soon. It al depend on the laywer doing work proper.

i am puting the leter from Mr. brushman in with this leter and wil send it to lawyer also. plees get it back to me evry quick.

Luv,
Mum Agnes.
-


As promised reliable old Agnes sends the letter from the bank...

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Unfortunately our good friend, Barrister James Enerst ,seems a little lost by all this legal jargon. (Marvinator suggested to me that Lawyers love Latin phrases, so I have tried always to oblige our learned friends.... Twisted Evil ) But still Barrister James is a little at sea with these complications and writes....

(68)DEAR CLIENT.

WITH DUE RESPECT YOUR MAIL AND THE CONTENT IS WELL NOTED THIS IS TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THE FORM BROUGHT FROM YOUR BANK IS DUELY UNDERSTOOD MEANWHILE I SUGGEST THAT THE BANK RESUBMIT THE FORM AND THE DATE AS PLEASED IN THERE RULES AND EUROPEAN REGULATIONS , AND SINGED THE DATE AS THEY NEED IT AND MAKE A SPACE IN THE WITNESS WITH THERE NAME IN THE DOCUMENTS TO ENABLE THIS MORE LEGAL IN THIS VENTURE WE WILL EASLY SINGED THE DOCUMENTS .
BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES ENE3RST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE)
PHONE; XXXXXXXXX

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]



Due to Christmas, (darn.....Celine didn't make it in time to be able to change Agnes' incontinence pads), Agnes neglected to write to Celine quickly. Celine was slightly upset by this as she had hoped to tuck into Agnes' hamper no doubt. She's still harping on about being suicidal also...

(69) Dear Mother,

Its of graet pains in my heart that i write you this massage i feel a little better to day that is why i wrote this letter i was suprized that i could not see your email when i opne my box mother did you haet me this much? that you could not ask about your seeking daughter so if i died i would have been forgoten like that you should have let me know that you dont have any love for me as your daughter? i have not hear from you if they have start the process of transfering this consigment to you i told you this in the first place you told me that Mr brusman is a ggod man while was him saying all the time that the singing is not good i am here to tell you if you dont want to help me you clearly tell me when we singed he will say that one is not good i have not hear from the lawyer beacuse i opne my email today i did not reciev his email nither yours you people could please tell me what is going on all i will kill me self i believe that my blood will be opun your head i told you that i want to join you before the xmas is like you dont believ what i said eccpet mr brusman told you i am confused in this fixe

Celine


Somewhat annoyed Agnes (Bless her heart), gets in touch with Mr. Brushman at the Bank, who contacts Mr. Harold Schnark at Sitmore and Dolittle, the English Attorneys at Law, and convinces him to work over the Christamas holidays to prepare an appropriate form. The following letter is then sent to both Celine and Barrister James with covering letters...

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(70)Deer Mr. Barri3ster James Esq Sir,
plees find an enclosere wiv this leter from Mr. Schnak hoo rote it to Mr Brushman. I think yoo wil find it dose al that yoo want it too. Mr Brushman and Mr. Schnrk wurked on it for yoo over the Christmas holydays so i am verry greatful to them for that as not menny peeple would do that for an old lady like i am. Maybe yoo cood send them a seprit tahnk yoo letter or sumthing.

Luv
Agnes Mala3prop and Felix hoo is much beter wiv his arfritics.


She sends the same form to Celine with a cheery little letter noting what a great Christmas she and Felix had. Maybe just a little insensitive considering that her dearest beloved Daughter is feeling a tad suicidal at this time?....

(71) my deer Celine,
how are yoo today? Did yoo have a good Chrismas? I do so hope yoo did as Felix and me had a grate time wiv jest us too and Mrs. Fanny my naibour who bringed arther into my housefer chrismas diner.

I am sending yoo a leter what Mr. Schnark from the bank lawyer made up for us. He sended it too Mr Brushman to be sended to yoo and to Mr enerst Barrister Esq. Al yoo hav to do is singe it where it says so, get yor witnes to singe it also and send it bak to me. I do think yor lawyer cood have dun beter as we cood hav done this befor. Mr. Scherk wurked over the Chrismas holydays to do this fer yoo thanks to aplee from Mr. Brushman hoo beged him to help yoo to get it dun quick.

Hav a good Noo Yeer,

Luv,
Mum Agnes.


Agnes received the snotty letter (Item 69) before she had sent the Guaranty Form to Celine. Instead of reacting with a little slap after receiving this letter, she decided to send a nice letter as though she had NOT received the snotty one. Then, by sending the form, followed at an interval by the aggrieved letter from her, she was able to administer an even bigger slap, plus get a little more groveling. This plan has certainly paid off as we will see in the next few posts....

(72) Deer Celine,
I reseeved this terible leter in my mail today. How can yoo say such things to mee? I hav tryed for sum time now to get moneys for yoo and ail yoo do is say dredfilled thing to me like this. I am to ashmed to sho this to Mr. Fuller brushman hoo gave up his Chrsmad holyday to arse Mr Schnark to rite the leter and make reddy the form that the bank neads to give me the amateurslone. Perhap bank in Coste Ivoire give moneys to peeple with no things to guaranty them, but in my cuntry the bank do not do this. Mr Brushman is only doing his job and going by there rools. I cood not arsk him to put his job for sail by doing rong thing. I do not like yoo teling me that if anything hapen to yoo it is my fawlt. That is meen and verry narsty. I hav try very hard for yoo and if this is the thank yoos i get yoo shood look for somwun else to help yoo. I am reddy now to get the lone sumhow and use it to make my toilit beter and by new spekctikles.

Goodby,
Agnes Malaprop


The singed form was then received back. But what is with these Lawyers from the Cote d'Ivoire? Can't they read simple English and professional Latin Lawyer-type phrases? Now we see that the date has been singed by the same person in all four places, (by Celine), and that European "7" is still used. Don't they care that this will screw up the Bank's Microfiche system? But the bright side is that we now have a man of the cloth on the scene.....Pastor Jeff. This obviously allays any suspicions we might have that these are scammers...no Pastor would allow himself to be associated with a dishonest scheme....right?. But one supposes that the form will need to go back again for Pastor Jeff to fill in his family name, and, as it will be 2008 by the time they get it back for the fourth time, the idiots can't go wrong again..... or can they??? Only time will tell.....

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Poor Celine now realises that she has screwed up...BIG TIME.... so she writes groveling letter numero uno. But back on the home front Agnes suspects that a Magu has, again, been called in to help struggling Celine out in this Noble Cause, as the English is far better than that in the past number of letters. Interestingly the word "signed" is used here spelled correctly. In addition they cleverly introduce the reason for a Pastor being on the scene. (Do they really think all westerners are so stupid?)... Rolling Eyes

(73) Dear Mother,

How are you and felix i hope all is well i read your email and i am crying after reading it mother you know very well that you have tried to help me in this cause but my condition here is very bad as i am talking to you now after signing the document from the lawyer yesterday the pastor who i sleep at there church guest house has just travled for a program and will come back in the new year that means i will have to go and beg for food mother what do you want me to say i am sorry if my world make you angry please forgive your daughter and look forward to have me soon by your side i am really suffring only God know what i am passing through please mother try and understand and forgive me .we have signed the documents i hope barrister james will send it to you today you are my only hope i pray to join you soon

Yours Beloved Daughter

Celine





Our good friend, Barrister James, (remember him...he's the one who cannot read perfectly good Latin... Rolling Eyes ) then lets Agnes know that he is doing his best anyway....not that it's very good..... Twisted Evil

(74) DEAR CLIENT.

WITH DUE RESPECT YOUR MAIL AND THE CONTENT IS WELL NOTED THIS IS TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT THE FORM HAS BEEN DUELY SIGNIED BY MY CHAMBER AND ITS WITNESS .

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES ENE3RST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE)
PHONE; XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]



Having received no answer to her last groveling letter Celine then grovels some more in groveling letter numero duo. Again the English is far better than previously....

(75)Dear Mother,

[color=red]Compliments of the season i hope you find it well in your heart to forgive me knowingly through well that is at out of my suffrings that made me write that mail i am so sorry if it hurt you too bad how is felix and mrs fanny i hope everybody is fine mother i must say that i reayy miss you people mostly at this season on x mas and new year i was only crying for two days now please forgive me .

Yours Beloved Daughter

Celine


THAT, DEAR READERS, IS THE BAIT SO FAR. AGNES WILL NOW SEND THE FORM BACK...YET AGAIN.... (SHEESH), AND INSIST ON PASTOR JEFF'S FAMILY NAME. DO THESE FOLKS THINK THAT WESTERN BANKERS ARE AMATEURS? WHERE WILL THE BAIT GO FROM HERE? STAY TUNED AND WE'LL ALL KNOW...... Laughing


As noted previously, Celine and Co. screwed up again when they, (she), continued to write the number 7 with a crossed vertical stroke. It's unbelievable that educated people like these cannot understand the need for The Imperial Bank of H3ghbury Newton not to deviate from Bank Policies as clearly laid out to them. Agnes is faced with the very Unpleasant Task....(NOT ...Twisted Evil) ...of informing Celine of their repeated transgressions. Unfortunately the poor old lady also forgot to re-send the blank form for them again. We are left to wonder if they are smart enough to realise that they still have the original electronic copy....

(76) Deer celine,
thanks yoo for yoor leter which i found wen i got back from the hospatal. I eated to much over Cristmas and had to go to hospatal with indijestun wich becomed very bad indead. I tooked yor leter to Mr. Brushman with signatories on it and shown it to him. He check it over and slapp his head. He say don't theas peeple reed rite. Yoo stil make rong number 7 and Mr. brushman say the machine bank uses cannot acsept this number. He say yoo been told three time about this and he canot understand why yoo not get it rite. He say yor lawyer must be sumthing else agane. Thogh I not no wot he meen by that. He arsk me to send form agane and tel yoo if yoo not get it rite this time he canot do bizness with me any longer. He also say it look like the saim person put date in all four place and this is not alloud. Wil yoo pleas get signatories agane and this time evry person must sign own signatory and put date on it with number 7 just as i show hear. 7 no cross stroke on it plees. I no Mr. Schnark telled yoo why this were so important so there is no reeson why yoo not get it rite. I am try so hard to help yoo and it seam that yoo canot do anything rite. By the tiem we get this dun good the box and the munny wil be clame by someone elses.

Happy Noo Yeer. Maybe we be abel to get munny out of Security deposit company in 2008.
Luv,
Mum Agnes


Finally they get it right...almost. Rolling Eyes But what's this? Barrister James Esq. Sir is getting a tad testy. Anybody would think it is Agnes' fault he is an idiot. So he's not interested in doing this again?
I suspect that Mr. Harold Schnark, or his Boss, Mr. Raymond Slicker, (hereafter referred to as Mr. R. Slicker), may have a few comments to make later when the Loan comes up for approval. Which is due, I believe, to happen next Tuesday.

Image

(77) DEAR CLIENT.

WITH DUE RESPECT THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT A LETTER WAS RECIEVE IN MY CHAMBER FROM YOUR DAUGHTER CELINE BOBA INDICATING THAT WE DID NOT FILL THE FORM VERY WELL,

MEANWHILE I WANT TO NOTIFY YOU THAT IT HAS BEEN DONE ONCE MORE AND THIS IS THE LAST TIME MY CHAMBER SHALL PARTECIPATE IN THIS VENTURE.

IF THE ENDORSMENT FEEL THAT THE FORM IS NOT DUELY SIGNED I SUGGEST THAT THEY FILL THE DATE AS THEY INDICATED AND ALLOW US TO SINGNET IT ONLY. THE FORM IS FILL ACCORDING TO THE FIRST FORM THAT WAS BROUGHT FROM YOUR BANK WHICH YOUR NAME WAS WRITTEN ON IT.


BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES ENE3RST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE)
PHONE; XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]


Credits... To Barry Kelly who has been Mentoring me and to Marvinator who is very obliging and does good work....Thanks to both of you.
Comments and suggestions are welcome.
Bigglesworth,


Agnes is SO relieved to get this thing sorted.....sort of. In her good mood she writes to Barrister Ernest, to let him know what she has done and how the form has been submitted to Mr. Fuller Brushman. Mind you, there is a slight doubt in her mind that all will go smoothly. What a perspicacious old gal she must be....... Twisted Evil

Deer Mr Ernest Esq Sir,
thenk yoo for yor leter which is recieve and dully undrstood today. I went rite round to the bank and gived it to Mr. Fukker Brushman. He check it down and sed that it seam oK to him. He sed the nex step is for the form to go to Mr. Schnark hoo wil then past it on to his Boss, Mr. Raymond Slicker. Mr. R. Slicker is the Chef of the Bord of Direktorships and he wil be looking it over at the next bord meating on Toosday. Mr. Brushman sed that his only consern was that yoo did not put the family names of Pastor Jeff and the other witnes, Barister sumthing on the form. I telled him that it must be OK if one witnes is man of cloth and other is Barister. None of these men would get involved with bad things wood they.

I am sory that it tooked so long to get the form singed proper. This was not my fawlt thogh as I past on to yoo the excat things wot I was telled to telt to yoo along with the letters wot was ritten. I think that yoo must not be verry used to deeling with Britich banks as they make you do it al rite befoer they give munney to customer. Maybe if yoo get to do this salt of thing agen yoo wil no beter nex time. I hope so as it must be verry upseting for yoo to hav to do this so menny times. I wil get bak in tuch with yoo as soon as I hav noos on Toosday. I do so hope we can help por deer Celine out soon as drinking battry asid is not good thing to do. Plees try not to let her do that agane. I wil be abel to get my new spectikles and give munny to vetrinry for Poor Felix. Felix send his luv as he is felled much beter now with the mendications wot he gets for his arthritics.

Luv,
Mrs Agnes Malaprop. Cleint.
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2008 9:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Dear compassionate old Agnes really is worried about Celine. After all, not everyone has a daughter who thrives on drinking acid do they? Agnes has not heard from Celine for a few days, and wonders if there is a possibility she has cottoned on?????? Rolling Eyes

79) my deer Celine,
i hav not herd from yoo for sum time and hope yoo are in good helth? We are al in good helth ove(r here. Even Felix is in good helth and arther is running around with his litle cart on. He luvs it and we are so glad Fanny got it for him. This is to let yoo no that i hav recieve yor form back singed by Mr. Ernest and two other person. One is a pastor and no dout is the pastor from your churtch. His name is pastor jeff I think. The other is a Barister. I have rote to Mr. Ernest and telld him that I hav gived the form to Mr. Brushman hoo has passd it on to the Cheef of the Directorship at the bank. His name is Mr. Raymond Slicker. I hav not neeted him but I think the next Bord Meeting is on Toosday. Thay wil discus my lone at that time I think.I hope yoo are in good helth and are staying happy. I am so looking forwerd to sending the lawyer sum munneys so that we can get the chest of munneys over to Mr. Brushman bank. Plees be good girl and I wil let yoo no how we get on in Toosday.

Luv,
Mum Agnes

.
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 12:11 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Hmmmm...... no replies from Barrister James (Esq.) or "por deer Celine" as yet. They've either cottoned on to us or are waiting for the good news on Tuesday. Well, bless 'em, they deserve the money after all they've been put through. I have no doubt that Mr. R. Slicker will approve the loan. It's either that or we lose our pets I think.

Agnes is not a vindictive person but I don't think she is too impressed at her dearest daughter Celine ignoring her in this way. especially as she went out of her way to express concern in case Celine drank acid.

Comments and suggestion for continuing the game would be appreciated. Twisted Evil
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2008 1:35 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Just to keep you all in the loop, Dear Readers. It's now early morning on Monday where I live and the Internet Cafes should be open by now in Cote d'Ivoire I would think. I guess our life-threatened pets don't "work" over the weekend, but Agnes is getting very worried at the state that poor Celine must be in at this time. Has she been foully murdered by the Wicked Uncle of the West? Has she followed her propensity and drunk battery acid? Agnes has reason to be worried sick about the well-being of her Beloved Daughter. She therefore decides to write one more time to Barrister James Sir Esq. What's the betting someone must respond? No point in responding to this stupid old woman for over 7 weeks only to see the money literally poured into her toilit is there? Once the loan is approved tomorrow, (and NOW, I, Mr. R.Slicker guarantee it will be approved), these lice will be grovelling on the floor again to get their grimy little fingers on it. Let's face it, if they were put forward as Guarantors, and get none of the munneys, they will be on the hook if Agnes defaults....right?

Agnes has to say that the "Loan" modality has been a great deal of fun, wasted a great deal of time, got her a number of good trophies, got the lads well off script very quickly.....and kept them there with her in complete control of the whole bait. She encourages any of her readers to try it out for themselves. Besides, the Banks need the business..... Smile

OOPS.....Agnes forgot to add her letter to Barrister James Enerst Esq. to this thread. So here it is.....

(80) deer Mr. Barrister James Sir,
I am very woried in case sumthing has hapened to Miss Celine Bobayor yor cleint. I no sumone in her famly were after her and she threten to drink asid. Even though i rote to her i have herd nothing bak. I have not herd from her for over one week and this is not usaul for her. Maybe she dose not nead the munneys anymore I think. Can yoo plese sea if yoo can chek on her for me. If she is not O.K. there wil be no need to send munneys to her wen my lone get aprovealled tomorow and i can by new spekticles and sea to felix and get my toilit fixed up good with the lone muneys.
Yors in wateing,
Missis Anges Malaprop



As promised Agnes was given approval for her loan. The good news came to her from Ms. Bonnie Parker, (Senior Loans Officer) and her esteemed colleague, Mr. Clyde Burrows, (Assistant Senior Loans Officer). History buffs may remark on the familiarity of those names......Bonnie and Clyde. Very appropriate names for Bank Officials on would think. Wink
Agnes has heard nothing from her pets. Celine in particular has been silent for eleven days now. Is this an ominous silence? Has she finally succumbed to the terrible conditions under which she lived and has taken the acid treatment? Agnes has shared her letter of acceptance with Celine.... let's hope that our lads do not latch on to the fact that full account numbers are included in the letter ,and that a Password will soon be chosen which would give them access to £20,000....... Rolling Eyes If only they can find it out from silly, naive old Agnes they can empty her account in a hurry. Let's also hope they don't realise that the bank made a mistake in their monthly repayments....these as given would put Agnes out on the street in a hurry..... Laughing

(81) deer Celine,
it is now almost two weak since I last herd from yoo. In the meentime i have rote to yoo too time with no respons. I hope yoo are orlrite. I am very good, Felix is verry good, Fanny is ver good and arther is runnig around with his litle legs cart. He chases cars agane so we hope that he dont get runned over agane. I have herd from the bank and thay hav gived me agreamernt for my lone. I wil go tomorow and singe the paper what they nead to give me the munneys. A nice lady Ms. Bonnie Parker wrote me a leter which I put in with this leter. I wil be so glad to get my noo spektikles and pay vetrinry for Felix. His name is Docter Kevin Neine and he is a good man. When I furst goed to Dr. K. Neine he were recomend to me and I am so glad he were as he is so good and kind to pet.

Pleese give my regard to Mr. Barrister James Enerst esq. I wrote to him to and he not replyed yet. I think he thinked it were my fawlt he mesed the signatories up so menny times. I must go now becos I am ecspect to sea man soon to chek my toilit and give me price to remake it.

I am sory I hav not heered from yoo agane as I wanted so much to help yoo get yor moneys back to London, and help me as I getted older. I hope yoo wil be orlrite and find someone else to help yoo.

Regrads,
Agnes malaprop


The Loan Acceptance letter Agnes received....

Image

Now all we can do is wait........ Twisted Evil

Ahaaah....the plot thickens. Our pet, Celine, replies on cue. But what's this????? The delay in answering was because she was "in hospital"???
Could she have drunk acid after all? Agnes' compassionate old heart swells with....well, compassion. Not to worry, Celine is O.K., and still healthy enough to be after Agnes' money. Now there's a surprise. Rolling Eyes But Agnes notes that her beloved daughter signs off, not full of love as befits a loving daughter, but with "thanking you". Could money be all she is really after. Laughing

The only trouble is that Agnes cannot remember how much she was supposed to send. Crying or Very sad The Lawyer's inability to read even simple English and legal-type Latin really has slowed up this Noble Cause. Now I guess we'll have to waste even more time trying to find out how much Agnes needs to send off. Twisted Evil

(82) Dear Mother,

How are you and your family i hope all is well i am sorry for my late reply to your massage is due to i was sick and admited to the hospital i feel better today to read your mail and see all the mails you send to me may God bless you, Dear mother if the bank have approved the fund to you please do send the money to the lawyer to enable him procced .

Thanking you

Celine


What a sweet old lady our Agnes is. She doesn't complain about her health, or how she keeps forgetting things. In fact she has not even mentioned her lapses in memory until now. But, perish the thought, maybe this will introduce yet another regrettable aspect into this entire scenario? Rolling Eyes Poor Celine also, each time she gets a boost to her hopes, and the cash starts burning a hole in her sarong pocket, they become dashed again. This thing has gone on far too long, it's now over 9 weeks since she first contacted Agnes. Still surely she must be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel by now? After all, Agnes has had her loan approved and it shouldn't take long to get the cash to Celine now.....should it?. Wink


(83) deer celine,
thank yoo for yor leter which cummed today. I sea that yoo were in hospital and am so sory to heer that. I hope that yoo are feeled beter today and wil not get sick agane. Was it becos yoo drunked asid? Yoo must not do that as it is not good at al for yor stumick. I did arsk mr.Barrister James to make sure yoo do not do that agane. While we are torking of Mr. Barister James, I have forgotted the sum of munneys what i hav to send him. It is so long that i have bean tryed to help yoo that i forget things now. It is such a shaim that Mr James cood not get the forms singed properly furst time. That waisted so much tiem. But what make it wurse for me is that I forget things now. I forgot ware i put my perse and my dorkeys. I even forgetted ware I put felix one day. He was lock in the toilit for al morning and lots of afternoon. por Felix. I wood arsk Mr barrister james myself how much i must send but he telled me he wood not speek to me agane after Mr Fuller Brushman telled him he had to singe the form agane. I think it were for the forth time. I think if Mr Barrister james wil not speek to me you wil nead to get new lawyer becos he call me cleint and yet wil not speek to me. That is sily.

I hav apointing with Mr. Brushman on Frtiday to singe al the form he nead. I hope i remember as my doctor telled me forgeting dorkeys is sine of sumthing call dementria or sumthing. It happen wen we get old he say.

Luv,
Mum Agnes wiv kis from Felix and Arther hoo nerly got runned over by a car agane yestidy.


Well.....would you believe our pets are back on board? Dear Celine replied as did Barrister James. Mind you, their letters are somewhat terse and to the point. Poor Felix gets not a mention and it seems to Agnes that they are very interested in her money. Still, Mr. Barrister James Esq. has apparently forgotten his fit of pique sufficiently to ask for the loot again. Wink
Celine is apparently not feeling quite so lovey-dovey to poor faithful old Aggie. Ah, the ingratitude of the young........ Crying or Very sad

(84) Dear Mother,
Thank you for your response am sorry to write in this short form is due to my illness i think the money needed from the Lawyer is 2650 pounds .
Sad

While Barrister James Esq. is also much to the point....

(85) DEAR CLIENT.

WITH DUE RESPECT THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE PAYMENT TO PROCCED IN THIS TRANSACTION.

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAME3S ENER3ST ESQ
( U.S.C.S) COTE D'IVOIRE
ACCREDITED INDIPENDENT ATTORNEY
OF THE SUPEREME COURT OF JUSTICE
( ABIDJAN COTE D'IVOIRE)
PHONE; XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

EMAIL; [email protected]
EMAIL; [email protected]


Fortunately Agnes now knows how to write a cheque on her new chequing account and is sending one to Mr. James.....by SNAIL MAIL and by SEA. If they swallow this one they'll be a sight for sore eyes.... Laughing

(86) deer Celine,
thank yoo for yor leter. I got leter from Barrester james also tooday. I wented to sea Mr Brushman and he telled me munney is poot into my acunt. Mr Barrester jame aslo etlled me how much munneys to send and i sended it off today to Barristre james. Soon we wil have yoo in Lodon so yoo can look after me like loving dauters do. Today i lock myself out of my hous becos i forgertted my dorkey. Deer Fanny got a man to unlock dor on her telefone. Sumtime I think me forgeting things is geting worse. Nevr mind soon yoo be hear to look after me. I also went to spectikle docter today and thay say thay wil ordre my new spectikles. That wil be so good. Mr Brushman maek sure he telled me I wil lose my house if I not pay back muneys to bank. I telled him my Celine telled me she promis to pay munneys back. That is rite is it. Plees promis me you wil. Plees tel Mr. james I have sent the muneys and thay can start to get yor chest of muneys for yoo. Shood i rite to the Security compny agane.

Luv Mum Agnes


Fortunately Dear Agnes thought to keep a copy of the envelope with the cheque in it and she sent that to Celine as proof of her willingness to pay up for this Noble Cause....... Rolling Eyes

Image

Now all that our Heroine needs to do is to sit back and wait for the well-deserved gratitude to flow back to her..... Laughing

Lo and behold it appears that Deer Celine is buying Agnes' story about the snail mail cheque. Except that she "dont know this method". What a dumb broad..... Laughing

(87) Dear Mother,

Thank you for your response and also know that you have send the money to the lawyer but according to the envelop you send to me i am not the recipant of the money i guess you should send it to the lawyer meanwhile i want you to know that i dont know the method you use to send the money i think that the only means that the lawyer will use and collect the money is through western union money transfer or money gram that is the best way to recieve the mone beacuse i dont know this method.

Celine


But Agnes has not yet heard that Barrister James has received the cheque yet. What the heck, she sent it off yesterday. Surely it should be there by now? Maybe she should let him know to expect the letter also?

(88 Deer Mr. Barrister james Esq Sir,
this leter is to infirm yoo that I sent of this munneys to yoo yestidy by male. I hope it gits to yoo verry soon so that Miss Celine Bobba can get to Brittin to nerse me in my old age as I am fergetin things to easy now. . Plees let me no as soon as it arive so she can maik aranging to cum to england for this.
Yor cleint,
Mrs malaprop


Mr. Barrister James Enerst sir Esq lives up to his reputation as an ignorant lawyer person as he replies in a very short and snotty way to sweet, always trying to please, Agnes. But his country really must be very backward as it appears that they deliver mail by "sheep". What a woolly-headed idiot this twit must be Rolling Eyes He must also have forgotten that poor Agnes is in the early stages of forgetfulness...

(89) DEAR CLIENT.

WITH DUE RESPECT THIS IS TO NOTIFY YOU THAT I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE PAYMENT TO PROCCED IN THIS TRANSACTION, MEANWHILE IF YOU SEND ANY MONEY THROUGH ANY MEANS THAT IS NOT BY WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM IS NOT OF MY BUSINESS THE ONLY WAY THAT I CAN RECIEVE YOUR MONEY IS THROUGH WESTERN UNION OR MONEY ,IF YOU HAVE SEND YOUR MONEY THROUGH ANY MEANS BEEN IT SHEEP OR WHAT EVER YOU MIGHT CALL IT THAT IS YOUR BUSINESS GO AND RETRIVE YOUR MONEY AND SEND IT THROUGH THE MEANS I HAVE GIVEN.

BEST REGARDS.


One wonders if he is not getting just a little frustrated at poor Agnes as she fights to help her beloved Celine to repatriate her, (shushhhh....this is TOP SECRET).....big tin box of MONEY. happy crowd

Awww shoot...... Agnes cannot remain mad for long. She lets Barrister James know that she is not impressed but is willing to keep trying anyway. What a wonderful old trooper she is eh?...... Twisted Evil

(90) my Deere Mr Barrister James esq Sir,
thank yoo for yor last e-male. the content was receive and dully notised. As I telled yoo in my larst e-male the cheque is in the male. do not no wot wood make yoo sound so angry. I try verry herd to do al i can to get Miss celine box of munneys to england so that she can liv with me and look after me. I even morgige my hous to get munneys for her. Yet yoo ar alway rood to me. I do not no if thay deliver male by sheep in yor cuntry. Why wood i no that? And if my leter is being deliver by sheep and yoo canot get it how can i get it back pleas. This bisnes is to complexicated for me, special as i furget things very qick sumtime. What is Wstern union. Is that traid union or sumthing. my late husban Jack belong to Western railway union. Is this the one pleas? Let me no soon as i want Celine with me very qwick. Shood i contaxt the security compny yet. Thanks yoo for yor qwick anser.
regrads,
Mrs. malaprop.
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 5:32 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Mr. Enerst seems to have become very much more literate overnight and he replies to Agnes with information as to where she can find out more about Western Union. Agnes is now rather concerned however that her cheque for £2600 is travelling around on the back of a sheep somewhere in the desert and will, no doubt, come back to this later..... Twisted Evil

(91) DEAR CLIENT.

YOUR MESSAGE WAS RECIEVED AND I WILL TO ADVISE YOU TO VISIT THIS SITE www.westernunion.com OR PRECISELY GO AND MEET THE BANK MANAGER AS HE WILL DIRECT YOU WHAT WESTERN UNION IS , THAT IS THE BEST IDEA ABOUT THIS , KINDLY ASK THE SHIP AGENTS TO RETURN BACK YOUR MONEY AS THERE IS NO MEANS I CAN RECIEVE IT .YOU CANNOT CONTACT THE SECURITY COMPANY AS THE DOCUMENTS ARE STILL YET TO BE SECURE , GET BACK TO ME

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 5:44 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Meanwhile, dear daughter Celine is getting a little worried or impatient it seems..... Rolling Eyes Oh dear, she has forgotten about poor Felix again. Maybe he had some sort of misadventure? (Only the next post from Agnes will tell..... Twisted Evil) But meantime, back to the action....

(92) Dear Mother,

How are you and your family i hope all is well with you and your family i have waited for your email but have seen none i hope all is well with you please get back to me and let me know the situation of things with the attorney and the process of transfering the box so that you can arrange for my travleing over there in london to come and take cear of you.

Yours Beloved Daughter.

Celine


Due to certain unfortunate happenings back in "London" Agnes was not able to respond to dear Celine. Celine is now getting seriously perturbed. Is Agnes alright? Has she been victim to another heart attack? Could she have gotten stucked in the toilit again? More importantly, where's Celine's money????? She writes...again.... Laughing

(93) Dear Mother,

How are you i hope you are doing fine i have not hard from you for sometime now i hope you are feeling fine have you hard from the lawyer? what is going on has he comence in procuring the documents how soon will i be woith you?.

Celine


Oh well, it's time for Agnes to break her silence and give Celine all the latest news... Twisted Evil

(94) my deere Celine,
i am so sory that i hav not rited to yoo for sum time. I have had such terible things hapen over hear. Did i telled yoo about Arther. He is Fannys dog and has a litle cart for bak legs wich he lost by chaising cars. Wel, Fanny got his cart and he start to chaise cars agane when he finds he can walk good. But my Felix, hoo sends yoo a kisss, is much beter with his arthritics becos of his mendications. he see arther chase cars and he think he shood do the same thing. So he chase car one day and the car stop dead. My por cat Felix run into car and flaten his noes. What you think of that. I wos besides meselfs and calls for fanny to help me. That stupid arther get my cat to do sily thing. I have bean bisy nersing felix for days becos he reely hert himslef.

I have bean in tuch with lawyer. He telled me like yoo did. He say my cheqe is being deliver by sheep sumwhere and i must go to postal officer to get sheep founded and leter stoped. I goed there and that man telled me to go to bank as he cood not help me. Now Lawyer say i must go to western unionisation place and see what that man tell me. This is verry complexicated for me to do becos i always lef this stuff to my dear husban befor he dyed. I hav now got my new spekticles and can sea well agane. I expects that yoo can sea the difrence in my typeing can yoo.

I wil be back ing touch with yoo soon about the munneys. Mr. james telled me not to contac security company agane yet.

Luv,
Mum Agnes


So now we know....Felix has turned into the first-ever feline car chaser.... Laughing Will Celine bite on even this?????.....tune in next time when we'll all know...... Rolling Eyes
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 9:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

But you, dear Agnes watcher, thought she had forgotten to reply to the nice Lawyer didn't you? That would be totally out of character for her as she desires so completely for Celine to come live with her in London. Anxious to sort out this thing once and for all, (and quickly Rolling Eyes), she writes to Barrister James Enerst....

(95) deer Mr Barrister James Sir,
thank yoo for yor leter. The contents are dully understanded though i dont no what you meen about visit this site. Where is the site and how do i get thair pleese? Sumtime i take a bus but i alway hav to no wear i am going i think. Is the maneger yoo talk of Mr. Brushman. I hav bean try to find my check that the sheep has but no one no wear the sheep has gone. Also yoo talk of ship agent. wear will i find this man now? I taked my leter to could neverpostal officer and he say he do not no what ship yoo mean. I am verry confuse about this all. I have rited to Miss Celine and maybe she will have beter ideas? On the beter side I now have good spekticles and the man wil soon be cumming to start making my toilit look good. He is charging me just £11000 so there should be some left over from my morgige to pay yoo off once we get this salted. Sory for me not telling back to yoo sooner, my Felix hav bad acksident hiting back of car. Silly cat.

Sinseerly,
Mum Agnes Malaprop. (Mrs.)


This just in...... dear C3line....such a sweet and considerate child. Agnes could never believe that these kind folks are really heartless, thieving human garbage scumbags in disguise. Who but a genuinely decent person could express such thoughtful empathetic concern for poor, silly Felix? Rolling Eyes But C3line thinks old Fanny is more worldly-wise? Have we got news for her.... Twisted Evil

(96) Dear Mother,

How are you and felix i hope he is responding to medication to ieasy his pains from the acident meanwhile the content of your mail is understood and i am so happy to know that you have another specktakle meanwhile as i told you ask your bank manage what is western union money transfer or ask mrs fanny maybe she will have idea that is the only way the lawyer will recieve this money and procced to procure the document to enable you con tact the security company for the transfer fo the consigment.

C3line
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Location: Timbuktoo


PostPosted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 1:50 am Reply with quoteBack to top

It just so happens that today Bigglesworth received a scam letter from"Western Union" in his mailbox. Surely this is heaven-sent, and some mileage can be made out of this? Nothing quite like setting lad against lad is there?. Agnes prepares the ground for the good news to follow..... Twisted Evil

(97) Deer Celine,
how happy I am to heer from yoo and no that yoo hav intrest in por felix. He is beter thank yoo but he feeling very sory for himself becos of bad noes. The vetrinry think he broked a bone in his noes. ther was lots fo blud and stuff. Today I goed to Fannies hous necst dor and speaked to the man from Western Union ofices on her telyfone. He telled me he can arange for munneys to be sended to Mr. Enerst. He also telled me he wood send me e-male so I expect to heer from western Union soon. Wen that heppen I wil get in tuch with yoo and Mr. Enesrt. I ecspect that yoo wil have munneys soon.

Luv,
Mum Agnes.


Meanwhile "the Lawyer" replies. Strange how brusque he seems to be getting with Agnes. Doesn't even sign off with his name, let alone, "Love James"..... Crying or Very sad But he'll be so happy to hear the good news soon I'll bet.... Evil or Very Mad

( 98 ) DEAR CLIENT.

IN RESPECT OF YOUR MAIL THE CONTENT IS VERY WELL UNDERSTOOD MEANWHILE I WANT YOU TO ASK YOUR BANK MANAGER ABOUT WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER SO THAT HE CAN DIRECT YOU THAT IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN RECIEVE YOUR MONEY REMEMBER TO SCAN THE COPY OF THE PAYMENT SLIP TO ENABLE US RECIEVE IT EASY HERE.


Celine again? After money still? Don't these people have anything else on their minds? No lovey-dovey stuff from her either. Agnes is windering if Celine will be a good nurse for her in her old age... Wink

(99)Dear Mother,

How are you and your family i hope all is well i recieve your mail and i am happy to know the effort you are making to see that i be with you soon please mother it will be my greatest joy to be with you soon please notify barrister james as you said i will be waiting for the documents to approved the consigment to london from barrister james as soon as he recieve the money.


But the good news. Agnes has acted on Barrister James' advice. Yippeee..this is e-mail number 100 too, and eleven wasted weeks.... Laughing

(100) Deer barrister James Sir,
just to let yoo no that i contact the western Union man today by useing my freind Fannies fone. the West Union man, Mr. Archibald Scheisenhausen, was very nice man. He want to help me. He telled me he wood get back to me very kwick. He sed he cood sended the £2600 to yoo for me. O.K. Wen I swich on my commuter macheen I finded this leter on it. I canot understood all what it say but this must be the thing Mr. Scheisenhausen ment so I wil be send the munneys to Mr. Howard as it say in the letter tomorrow. I thinks that he wil send it to yoo O.K. soon after that. Yoo can let me no wen the munneys arrive with yoo so we can arange to get Miss Celine over to London to cair for me.

Sinseerly your cleint,
Agnes Malaprop. Mrs.


Just for good measure Agnes sends the Western Union letter she received so that Barrister James can rejoice at the m£ney soon to be his...

Image

Who, for some inexplicable reason replies in somewhat of a panic. He obviously does not believe Mr. Howard is genuine, accuses Agnes of bellowing, and responds that her money is only SAFE if sent to him????? But at least he has become more civil to Agnes. Perhaps she should not try so hard to send him the cash?...... Rolling Eyes


(101)DEAR CLIENT.

IN RESPECT OF YOUR MAIL BELLOW I FOUND KNOW LEGALITY IN IT WITH A PROFESSIONAL LOOK I WANT YOU TO VISIT THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER BY YOUR SELF OR YOU ASK YOUR BANK MANAGER TO HELP YOU IN THIS EFFECT THAT IS THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL NOT LOST YOUR MONEY.

WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER IS VERY EASY THAT WHEN YOU TRANSFER THE MONEY I CAN RECIEVE IT IN THE NEXT 10 MINUTES ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO PAY THEM YOUR TRANSFER CHARGES AND PAY THE THE MONEY THAT YOU WANT TO SEND AND GIVE THEM MY NAME AND MY COUNTRY NAME AS THE ADDRESS.

AND THEY WILL GIVE YOU THE PAYMENT SLIP WHICH YOU WILL SCAN AND SEND TO ME THAT IS ONLY WAY YOU CAN VENTURE INTO THIS MATTER DONT SEND THE MONEY TO MR HOWARD BEACUSE BEACUSE I DONT SEE ANY PROFESSIONAL DIRECTIVES ACCORDING TO HIS EMAIL.

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES


DO ANY OF AGNES' READERS HAVE ANY IDEAS AS TO HOW SHE SHOULD PROCEED FROM HERE? ALL IDEAS WILL BE GRATEFULLY CONSIDERED. THANK YOU. Smile

This letter confuses poor Agnes who feels she is trying very hard for her lawyer in Nigeria. She dose not think he appreciates the problems an old lady faces in London today.... Crying or Very sad But she is so good-mannered that she wishes to express her thanks to him on helping get her mortgage so that she can renovate her toilet. Nice old ladies like this are hard to find.... Laughing

(102) Deer Barrister Janes Sir,
I am sawly confuse by yoor leter wot i jsut recieve, Yoo say the West Union leter not have profesional look. It say at the top Western Union so it must be good leter. I have try to get to speek to mr. Scheisenhausen at Westen Union but wether is to bad for old lady like me to go out today. Mr. Fuller Brushman on holday for two week so canot get him to sea me. Yoo must relize that old lady like me find very hard to go on bus as thair are meny bad peeple wood like to rob us hoo cum from forin cuntry. thay nock old lady doun and steel perse if thay can. I just canot sea why Mr. Howerd not good man like yoo say. I wil try use Fannies fone and sea if i can speek to him at the fione number he gived me and he wil get in tuch with yoo i no. Felix cry for super now so I must go get him food. The good news for yoo is that the man will beggin to rejuvinite my toilit soon.Thank yoo for yor help in gettin my morgige OK.

Luv,
Agnes malaProp.
Crying or Very sad

She wishes to reassure Celine that she is still doing her best, yet communicate her confusion with the Lawyer to her dearest beloved daughter.......

(103) Deer Celine,
how are yoo today i hope all is well. I am verry confuse with mr Barrister James as I try to get munneys from Western Union to him and he telt me the Western union leter does not have profesional look. I think it look verry profesional so i canot undestand why he say that. I being expect leter from a man from Western Union and it arive so i send munneys to man on leter name Mr howard. I ecspec Mr. Howard to send the munneys to Mr. Barrister Janes soon. Let ne no wen he contac yoo. Felix send yoo big kiss to his big sister. man is cumming soon to start to rejoovinite toilit so it is good wen yoo arive.
Luv,
Mum Agnes
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Bigglesworth
Master Baiter


Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 104
Location: Timbuktoo


PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2008 3:18 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Well....surprise, surprise, after over eleven weeks of communications, over one hundred e-mails back and forth, yet our pets are still hanging in there. What's that they say, "Hope springs eternal"..... Laughing......

(104) Dear Mother,

Thank you for your information iam happy to know about your cear and felixe meanwhile also know that you have send money to the lawyer for the process of the document lets wait and see untill he comfirm that he has recieve your money then we know the next step.


....while Barrister James has gotten over his fit of pique and is prepared to wait and see. Let's just hope that poor old Agnes does not suffer from a lapse of memory in the near future, this farce has gone on for long enough... Or has it? Twisted Evil (Strange they should both use the expression, "Let's wait and see"... could there be more collusion here? Rolling Eyes

(105) DEAR CLIENT.

IN RESPECT OF YOUR MAIL I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN THE WESTERN UNION MAN MONEY ON MY NAME LETS WAIT AND SEE IF HE SENDS IT TO ME IS REQUESTED BUT AS I TOLD YOU I DID NOT FOUND ANY LEGALITY IN THIS BUT LETS WAIT AND SEE.

BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES


Oh dear, I just knew it. Whenever Agnes gets too stressed she seems to have forgetful fits. Poor old gal. I wonder if Lawyer James will be willing to help? Sad

(106) Deer Mr. sir,
my naime is Mrs. malaprop and i lives in london in Ingland. I am verry old lady and lives alone with my cat. His name is Felix i think. Toady i wented out to sea about sumthing and sudenly cood not remember who I is. Sum nice peeple bringed me back to wot thay say is my house but i canot remember anything to much. I swiched on this commuter and finded yor naime on it. Do I no yoo pleease? A lady whoo live necst dor say her naime is Funny and she say i have thees attack befor and wil remember things soon maybe..If this is troo i wil get bak to yoo but in betweantimse i wood like it if yoo cood help me Can yoo tel me why yor naime is on this masheen pleas

Thank yoo.
Mrs malaprop.


Will wonders never cease? Our helpful Barrister is happy to oblige in helping to resolve Agnes' plight. Smile But will this help? Did Agnes ever have a real daughter we wonder? Smile The plot thickens for her. Confused Maybe another e-mail, (or a few), may help further to clear things up for our forgetful Agnes. Twisted Evil So they haven't yet received the money from Mr. Howard? Why are we not surprised? Laughing It seems that no matter how many are involved in this bait, none appears to understand that the "Western Union" letter was, in itself a scam. Laughing In this case trying to trace the lost money may take a while....Rolling Eyes
(But this "Barrister" must be someone fairly well-educated in the Scammer feeding chain. Note that though "they" never seem to understand the "i before e" rule, even "Processing" is spelled correctly)

(107) DEAR CLIENT.

IN RESPECT OF YOUR MAIL I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM I AM BARRISTER JAMES THE MAN PROCESSING THE DOCUMENT TO ENABLE YOUR DAUGHTER CELINE COME TO LONDON MEANWHILE I HAVE NOT RECIEVE YOUR MONEY AS YOU SAID YOU HAVE DONE IT WITH MR HOWARD OF WESTERN UNION.
BEST REGARDS.

BARRISTER JAMES


Poor, confused old Agnes. Now she doesn't even know if she has a daughter or not. Old age is not kind to the likes of her. Hopefully the Barsitter can further enlighten her into her familial situation..... Rolling Eyes

(108) Dear mr Barsitter,
thank yoo for yor leter. I did not no i had a daugter name Celine. I think I hav a nephew name Lawrerence hoo i think I do not trust verry wel. His mother, Penelope Hardy marry a man name Alexander Harr and they change there name to Mr and Mrs Hardy-Harr. I remember i went to there weddin and it were a grand afair. Wood this gurls name be Hardy-Harr in wich case she wood be my neese i think or wood she be my sister-in-lore.. I do get confuse sumtime Is this the gurl plees. Wot munneys wood yoo be scspecting from wetsren Express plees. If yoo can tel me I will try to chek it out for yoo.

Mrs. Malyprop.


WELL.....here's a strange thing! Agnes has not heard from Dearest Daughter Celine for some days now, while Barsitter James has just sent her back e-mail number 102....(which SHE originally sent to HIM) as e-mail 109. Confused Could this naughty Lad have caught on to Agnes' nefarious little scam....ummmm....scheme? And be trying to play games by trying to further confuse the poor old lady? Dastardly bounder! Crying or Very sad This could be the end of the story unless,maybe, Agnes is not getting over her present confused state and has been taken to hospital? Sad That means nephew Lawrerence, waiting patiently in the wings, might be able to re-energize the story? Agnes never did trust the boy, but maybe he'll be able to come through this time? Twisted Evil

Further developments later today. Laughing
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Bigglesworth
Master Baiter


Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Posts: 104
Location: Timbuktoo


PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 4:24 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Well, Lawrerence seems like a decent fellow to me. But then, what do any of us know really about another person? He may turn out to be just as untrustworthy as Agnes fears. Will Barsitter James fall for this one....? Twisted Evil He seems to be fairly well educated, though I hope some of his incorrect words do not mislead our pets too much in their own education.... Rolling Eyes

(110) Dear Barrister James Enerst,
please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Lawrerence Hardy-Harr and I am the nephew of Mrs Agnes Malaprop presently residing in London, England. As you may be awair my Aunt Agnes has reached the stage in her life where she gets confused very easily. This state seems to be exonerated by stress, which she seems to be suffering from right now, though I am not awair of the reason for this. She did have a hearty attack some time back, and this appears to be playing on her mind. She has been taken to the sychiatrik hospital, St.

Stevens-on-the-Mare, for further evacuation and treetment. I am tyring to keep in touch with her friends on the internet for her while she is away from home. If there is anything I can do for you, such as acting as adviser, passing on messages or paying bills etc. please don't hesitate to let me know on Aunt Agnes' machine. If she owes you money I would need to get an invoice or something before I could pay the money to you.
Thank you.
Lawrerence Hardy-Harr


Well dear Agnes watchers, I think we've been rumbled. Sad It's now 6 days since we last heard from Dearest Daughter Celine, and 5 days since we received any mail from that fine lawyer man Barrsitter James Enerst. This man is so rude that he even ignored an appeal from nephew Lawrerence for his help. Rolling Eyes Lawrerence now thinks it is time for him to lay his cards on the table. So Agnes was right about Lawrerence after all. Crying or Very sad Will Barsitter James recognize a similar spirit and respond in a manner which will allow our adventure to continue. Or is this the way the bait ends, not with a bang....but a whimper? Crying or Very sad

Dear Barrister James,
it is now 2 days since I last wrote to you. This will be my last attempt to invite you to share in the money which my Aunt Agnes borrowed in what was, she beleived, an effort to help "Celine Boba". Over the past few hours I have been reading the e-mails sent backwerd and fourth between you and my Aunt. I must say that I am not as simple and niave as my Aunt. She is a silly old lady. Goodharted, but silly. I beleive that you have been trying to scam Aunt Agnes out of her cash, and that you would not have caired if she and her smelly old cat had lost their home as she tried to help you. Still, anybody that silly deserve to loose thier money I think.

As her only living relative I now have soul control over her money dealings, as it seems not unlikely that she will be returning to her home. Her menial state, that is to say, her state of mind, is such that she is considered not unable to look after herself and she will stay in a home for old people like her. Her costs of keep will be paid for, in part, by the British Goverment, but any estaite which she does have will be siezed and used to supplementate her payments. It is my intention to keep as much of that money out of the hands of the Goverment as possible, and to get as much of it for myself as I can. I have already cancilled the work to be carried out on her tiolet. This means that I should be able to get a large part of the £20,000 she has in her bank account, except for any money for bills I have to pay out for her. But in order to provide papers for the Goverment to cover these "bills" I will need the help of people who can "vouch" for the debts. Are you interested in helping me in this endaevour? For a percentage of the money of course, say, 15%? It would only involve you sending a few made-up bills and is thus risky-free for you..

Please reply as soon as posible, as I will look for another pardner if you are not uninterested.

Sincerely,
Lawrerence Hardy-Harr.



Edit. Next day....
Well, it looks as though we've been well and truly deserted by our chums. Maybe they'll be back in to "work" at the Internet Cafe on Monday? Just 2 days short of three months on the scam. Any suggestions as to how we might be able to string these "people" along for a little longer would be appreciated. Confused
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