Should I slap?

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Elite Baiter Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1979

I read this and felt a slap coming on but then I got a niggly feeling that maybe, just maybe, someone is helping this lad with his English but really sabotaging him in the process. What do you think?

Today's email subject: The sugar in coffee

Hello My sweet Wife,

The Apple of my heart,The only sugar in my Tea,The only Cochroach in my Wardrobb,The roses of my life,My dream,my Life and world.

Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2007 10:24 pm

Without reading the answer is yes, slap away

Do explain that the cockroach in the wardrobe is totally wrong

Everybody know that it should be the cockroach in the kitchen

Elite Baiter Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1979

How would you slap. really?

I have just written, "Why do you call me a cockroach?! That's not a nice thing to call a lady! Everybody knows nasty cockroaches are male! Where do you think the name 'cock' roach came from anyway?"

Hope that doesn't make him not trust his English coach.

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 12:02 am

I would actually play on this and build up a whole new romantic slang of having slugs in the salad and flies on a turd etc so he uses it on other victims!

Fruit related ones are better obviously. Maggot in my apple?

Posted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 3:59 am

Never ever give up the opportunity to slap a lad.

We use witchedy grubs down here .....

Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 1:39 pm

Quote:

Fruit related ones are better obviously. Maggot in my apple?

Or you are the;

bannana in my pants

passion in my fruit

hairy fruit grub on my eye.

water in my melons

blowie in my juice bottle

Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 8:20 pm

I think only the antipodeans will understand what a blowie is!

** ACCOUNT CLOSED ** Joined: 19 Sep 2007 Posts: 262

Maybe he meant it in Brazilian Laughing

cockroach(Barata)=pussie closet(armario)= ( o Y o ) you get the point Wink

Elite Baiter Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1979

OMG you naughty boyz, I'm being corrupted here! Embarassed

Posted: Tue Oct 23, 2007 10:33 pm

Actually in my part of the world a blowie is a large fly "Blow Fly"

It is on old joke that an adult marital device may be fashioned by putting some blowies into a bottle.

Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 8:56 am

Cough...splutter...I got it but it seems to have taken a life of its own now!

Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 11:30 am

I am glad I have been able to amuse you Tasman

Us Antipodeans will find humour in many things and it is good to see we can share it with the rest of the world.

Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:23 pm

Wow another new word for me Confused

Sometimes I think some people just have too much times on their hands.

I thought down under had relevance. At lest it made a song lyric.
I just can't quite imagine a catchy tune about the antipodeans up there Laughing

Just helped the 9yo with a school project and he is very proud of the boat he made so I think it only seems right to call it the "antipodean"
Unless it sinks then the fish will have the opportunity to name it.

EDIT: Murry it's them not us that are "antipodeans" Very Happy

Elite Baiter Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1979

Update: I only gave him the light slap I posted since you all were a bit slow with the clever ideas. I'll remember them though.

His excuse was a roomie wanted the computer so altered his email as a joke, as he'd left it briefly unattended and then sent it off for him. My character is an airhead Paris Hilton type so she went on babbling about the coincidence to the play Cyrano de Bergerac that she just saw and now wants to know if the roomie has a big nose.

Probably a waste of culture on a lad, I suspect. I can hardly wait to die for this one. He's such a drone. I'm plotting my imminent demise today.

Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 12:57 pm

Technically Harrya you are correct

wikipedia meaning here

You didn't think I knew about Antipodes without looking it up do you?

Antipodes is what those in the United Kingdom would call us.

We would just call them Poms, much easier to spell.

@OBL

Let me know if you need anything done to the form or if you need it in pdf

Posted: Wed Oct 24, 2007 1:03 pm

Ahh the Antipodes will be singing

Traveling in a fried-out combie
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous
She took me in and gave me breakfast
And she said,

"Do you come from a land of antipodeans?
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."

Buying bread from a man in Brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscles
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich
And he said,

"I come from a land of antipodeans
Where beer does flow and men chunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."

Lying in a den in Bombay
With a slack jaw, and not much to say
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me
Because I come from the land of plenty?"
And he said,

"Oh! Do you come from a land of antipodeans? (oh yeah yeah)
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover."

Your Right Harrya

Doesn't seem to have the right ring to it

Master Baiter Joined: 20 Jul 2007 Posts: 100

Your portrayal of your paris hilton character is creative and funny. I would enjoy reading your baits. Do you post them?

Elite Baiter Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1979

Thank you Sybille, that's nice of you to say. No, I haven't posted much. I'm still a noob.

Murry, I'm having second thoughts about dying. My daughter doesn't want to take over until after her mid terms. I've been wondering . . . my character that I'm thinking of killing off, travels a lot . . . suppose she got sent to Poland where the lad is supposed to be? She actually has reason to travel to Czechoslovakia. The lad is really in Lagos.

What do lads normally do when a vic volunteers to come to them, when they're not where they say they are?

Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 8:30 pm

baglady - they dump you or

They arrange to meet you.

Then kill you, or if you are very very lucky they kidnap you, then they kill you.

But since you are not really planning on meeting them it's worth trying it as they get really really angry when you don't get off the plane.
Make sure you get valid flight times and make a fake confirmation email or a ticket for the journey.
Tell them you are bringing a laptop and a phone for them. Maybe some crap perfume for their mum.
They need to be really motivated to go to the airport.
They also have contacts around the world so a vic getting hit on the head in Poland is just as possible as Lagos.

@Murry Very Happy

it just doesn't rhyme does it Question

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 3:07 am

This is helping me with my bait as well. My character is a bit older but she is very stupid, lonely and desperate. My lad has picked up on my so subtle hints at this and writes the most sickening, ridiculous lines.

I'm supposed to meet him Sunday in S. Africa. I've also been wondering what he would do with my character if she actually showed up. Would he have sex with her and then fleece her? Would he fleece her and then kill her? I think it's a woman thing...the wondering.

Elite Baiter Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1979

OldBaglady wrote:

What do lads normally do when a vic volunteers to come to them, when they're not where they say they are?

To answer my own question: The Nigerian lad has turned me over to his Polish cohort. His emails now have a vlad flavor and the IP pings to Poland and France. He has agreed to meet me on the Czech/Polish border and take me back to his home town where I should pay all his bills and give him the Rolex I have for him as a wedding present.

But of course the Nigerian lad cannot possibly meet me because he's really in Lagos, so my best guess is that the Polish vlad is going to take a bit of a safari (4.5 hour drive) to tell me that my lad was too ill to come so he will take me to him. On the road, no doubt, I'd be assaulted, fleeced and if lucky, dumped still alive in the middle of nowhere Poland.

Instead I'll be concocting an elaborate cover story of outrageous indignation that my lad did not show up at the right hotel or that he didn't wait for me just because I was a few days late! Oh and I'll get mugged and lose the Rolex. hahaha All this from my desk and cushy computer chair in the US.

Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 5:36 am

This may not help, but this is how I currently have two lads coming and going to airports. As mentioned, I went far enough with the booking process to get a good screen shot of my flight itinerary and sent it as an attachment. However, in the text of my e-mail message I told them my flight was two days before. In both cases, they were too lazy to read the attachment and went to the airport on the wrong day (Trip 1). It allowed me to slap them for not reading the attachment. They think I have a large amount of cash and gifts for their families.

I made sure my flights included a stopover in Europe. I got stuck in London or Brussels so I did not show up at the airport again (Trip 2). I then booked new flights. In one case, the airline made an error and booked me on a flight going to a nearby city, thus I was not at the airport again (Trip 3). I have been working on a safari for this lad. He is resisting, but it's not over yet. If he will not travel, he'll have to provide some trophy worthy pictures then he will be introduced to 1TV5.

For the other lad, I left the security area at the Dakar airport during a layover and was detained by customs officials for having too much US currency on me, thus I did not make my third flight (Trip 3). While I was in Brussels for 1 week, I received an offer to strip at a club for US servicemen and I made a lot of money in addition to the $10k I was bringing with me. The customs official did not believe my story that I was traveling to get married so the lad has to travel to pick up me and verify my story. If he does not, I will be sent back to the US. He cursed the stupidity of people from Senegal. Unfortunately, he absolutely would not travel so my financial adviser bought him a plane ticket to come get me and sent him the confirmation document. He went to the airport to catch his flight, but only to discover the reservation did not exist (Trip 4). Then my financial adviser wired him some money to buy his own ticket. Of course, 1TV5 had to be used. Twice this lad answered 100 questions and could not get the MTCN. Obviously, he complained and a new security number was sent to him. There are 1000 questions in this set which he should try tomorrow.

As long as they have an incentive to meet you, lads will probably travel to the airport. They have to believe you are really coming and it is worth it. What they plan to do with you is not important since you are never going to arrive.

Elite Baiter Joined: 11 Jul 2007 Posts: 1979

Thanks PG. So far I'm roaming around eastern Europe on a buying trip for my company. I've bought him a Rolex as my wedding gift, since I don't know his ring size. I still doubt that's enough incentive for him to get off his lazy ass and come to Poland from Lagos. I am sure he's going to have his Polish friend meet me, IF he plans on anything at all. Even still, the Polish friend will have to drive 4.5 hours. I think I'll take off on your misdirected idea and end up waiting in another city. I have already discovered that the city names are different depending on which country's map you're using.