Bork, Bork, Bork! - Swedish Chef Bait

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Posted: Tue Sep 18, 2007 4:49 pm

This lad is priceless....you can't help but love him. I wonder if this is why he scams i.e because he's too stupid to hold down a real job. Smile

Great job Worf....bork bork. Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 7:00 pm

Thank you. One day, he just stopped writing. I wonder why. Crying or Very sad

Posted: Wed Sep 19, 2007 9:44 pm

Oh my sweet candy jesus.

I nearly fell out of my work chair (it's on wheels-tricky business)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Laughing

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2007 4:41 pm

Aaaaaaaaaaand he's back. Now trying for the "trunk box" modality.

I swear, everytime I write that this bait is over, he's comes back Laughing

.

Hello Stephan,

How are you to today? I am writing to inform you that I have Paid the fee for your Cheque Draft. And I went to the bank to confirm if the Cheque has expired or getting near to expire and Mr.Patrick Zafa the Director of Financial Trust Bank told me that the cheque is about to expire.

So I told him to cash the AMOUNT to cash payment to avoid loosing this funds. However, all the necessary arrangement of delivering the $1.500.000.00 THAUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS in cash was made with CUSTOMER UNIT here in Cotonou Benin Republic,

Mr.Patrick Zafa the Director of Financial Trust Bank Cotonou have to package the sum of $1.500.000.00usd. in cash for me. Then he also agreed to help me to Register the Consignment with CUSTOMER UNIT. In fact I thank God very much for all the movement I made, every thing goes normally.

As for our agreement with the CUSTOMER UNIT they promised that your consignment will leave this Country on monday next week, But the Director of the CUSTOMER UNIT said that they need your contacts information to enable them meet up with you immediately the Diplomat Agent arrived to your Country.

Please write a letter of application to the given address below.
ATTN: DR. Richard Eze.
TEl: ******
EMAIL:(customerunit_***@yahoo.fr)

Please, Send them your contacts information to able them locate you immediately they arrived in your country with your BOX .This is what they need from you.
1.YOUR FULL NAME
2.YOUR HOME ADDRESS.
3.YOUR CURRENT HOME TELEPHONE NUMBER.
4.YOUR CURRENT OFFICE TELEPHONE.
5.A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE

Please make sure you send this needed info. to the Director general of CUSTOMER UNIT Dr.Richard Eze with the address given to you.
Note. The CUSTOMER UNIT don't know the contents of the Box. I registered it as a BOX of an Africa cloths. They don't know that it contents money. this is to avoid them delaying with the BOX. Don't let them know that is money that is in that Box.

I am waiting for your urgent response. You can even call the Director of CUSTOMER UNIT with this line: 00229****
Thanks and Remain Blessed.

Mr.Samuel.

Dear Sam,

Big surprise me to hear from you. Thanks for paying. So money cash now not check? Great! Bork!

I will write Mr. Eze right away - der flurpy flurpy!

-Stephan

Dear Mr. Eze,
Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Semooel Kumuh tuld me-a tu cuntect yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! It eppeers thet yuoo hefe-a a troonk bux thet yuoo ere-a huldeeng fur me-a und I need tu geefe-a yuoo zee fullooeeng inffurmeshun. Pleese-a furgeefe-a my ingleesh, it is nut thet guug

1.YOUR FULL NAME: Stephan Edberg

2.YOUR HOME ADDRESS. (drop box address, not that they're going to send anything)

3.YOUR CURRENT HOME TELEPHONE NUMBER.: ooot of urder

4.YOUR CURRENT OFFICE TELEPHONE.: 206-309-0***

5.A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE: attached

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 1:00 am

This has got to be the funniest bait I've ever read! If there was a Baiting Hall of Fame, this would definitely be in it!

Every time I read "Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!" I start laughing! It's so random! It's especially funny when the translator has you calling them "Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp"!

I find it weird that, after what... about seven weeks? Only then do they start wondering what "Hurty" is all about. They seem okay with "Bork, bork, bork!" though...

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2007 12:09 pm

Two scammers are now trying to scam the chef. I wonder if I'm in the middle of a genuine dollar chop.

First, the chef hears back from trunk box guy, a continuation of the ongoing bait with Mr. Agu and his lackey Samuel.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHA EDBERG.

WE ARE IN RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL AND WE HAVE YOUR BOX BEING DEPOSITED HERE BY SAMUEL KOMOH....PLEASE YOU ARE ADVICED TO SEND US OUR OFFICE KEEPING FEE OF $95 VIA WESTERN UNOION MONEY TRANSFER TO THE NAME OF OUR CASHIER GEVIEN BELOW IMMEDIATELY SO THAT WE CAN SHIP YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX TO YOUR ADDRESS.ONCE WE RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT, WE WILL SEND YOU OUR SHIPMENT RECEIPT FOR YOUR PERUSAL AND RECORDS.
OUR CASHIER NAME:

JOHN C OFORKANSI
COUNTRY:BENIN REPUBLIC
QUESTION:WHAT
ANSWER:BOX

WE AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE TO THIS OFFICE.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

However, now a new player appears on the horizon.

Foreign Operations Department.,
Central Bank of Nigeria
Tinubu Square, Lagos.

Dear Beneficiary,

ATTN:Stephan Edberg

I write to inform you that the management of the Central Bank of Nigeria has just today, suspended all their pre-arranged system of payment to beneficiaries via Cash Call System.

This sudden development came at the end of a joint committee meeting of both the Federal Ministry of Finance (FMF) and the Central Bank of Nigeria. Having acknowledged the fact that the Government of Nigeria has lost over $200 Million since January, 2007 via the Payment system of Cash Delivery to most foreign beneficiary contractors on the ground of shipping such cash to wrong claimants in most countries of the world.

Sequel to your previous correspondences with the Central Bank of Nigeria in the recent past, on the approval and claim of your fund, the Government of the Federation of Nigeria has finally cancelled payments of contractual and inheritance funds via Cash Call System of payment.

However, your name is in the Periodic Payment Gazette listed out by this joint committee to be paid to the tune of US$12.5 Million by Direct Wire Transfer (DWT) from our bank here to any nominated bank account of your choice in any country of the world. The balance on your fund as well as other accrued interests will be paid to you later. We can only wire this sum to you after we have verified and ascertained that you are the original beneficiary of this payment.

Feel free to call me on +234 **** for further enquiries. Your current and direct telephone number is highly needed.

Moreover, let me have the bank account information where this sum is to be wired. We regret any inconvenience and delay which we may have caused you.

Idris Abdullahi
+234 ***

***This communication (including any attachments) is intended for the use of the intended recipient(s) only and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or legally protected. Any unauthorized use or dissemination of this communication or in part is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please immediately notify the Central Bank of Nigeria by return e-mail message and delete all copies of the original communication. Thank you for your co-operation. *** ? 2007. Central Bank Of Nigeria(Nigeria Apex Bank).

The Swedish Chef, naturally, is very confused - especially since I don't think he ever wrote to a bank in Nigeria. He therefore assumes that these two e-mails are related. If Idris and Richard don't know each other, they are about to.

Dear Ms. Idiris,
I em a beet cunffoosed. Bork bork bork! I ves sooppused tu deel veet Mr. Richard Eze customerunit_****@yahoo et zee Universal Deliver Service Company in Benin. Und it is nut cesh, it is a bux ooff cluzees. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Cuoold yuoo cuntect Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Ize-a fur me-a et ? Pleese-a I em cunffoosed. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Dear Mr. Eze,

I em a beet cunffoosed. Bork bork bork! I joost gut un i-meeel frum Idris Abdullahi i***@hotmail.com telleeng me-a nut tu deel veet yuoo, boot tu deel veet her bunk in Neegeria. Pleese-a help me-a oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur. I dun't knoo vhet tu du

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHA EDBERG.

WE DID NOT WANT YOU TO GET CONFUSED,OUR COMPANY DID NOT RECOGNISE IDRIS ABDULAHI FROM NIGERIA.WE ARE NOT FROM NIGERIA.

PLEASE STOP ANY CONTACT WITH IDRIS AND SEND US THE MONEY SO THAT WE CAN SHIP YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX IMMEDIATELY.

WE AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE TO THIS OFFICE.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Hey, Mr. Eze can speak pretty good "swedish chef." I wonder how Ms. Idris will do interpreting my e-mail. I would love to have seen Mr. Eze's e-mail to her Laughing

.

Dear Mr. Eze,

Ere-a yuoo soore-a? Becoose-a thees seems reelly feeshy tu me-a. I du nut here-a frum Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Komoh fur a lung teeme-a und zeen ell ooff a sooddee he-a i-meeels me-a telleeng me-a tu i-meeel yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Und zeen zee fery seme-a dey yuoo vreete-a me-a beck, I get un i-meeel frum Idris. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

Fery soospeeciuoos. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I better check veet Ms. Idris tu see-a vhet is gueeng oon here-a. I'll cc her thees i-meeel.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

I cc'd what I just wrote to Ms. Idris as well (I thought I would translate just in case it didn't come across in the "swedish chef" speak, Wink

).

Update 9/24 -

Dear Stephan,

All i told you was exactly what happened and all you need to do as i have directed you is to contact the company to get your consignment box to you without delay.Furnish them with your informations so that they will proceed to your home address to deliver your box immediately.

thanks and God bless
Samuel Komoh

Dear Sam,

Okay, did that. But then get e-mail from Central Bank of Nigeria. All very confusing. What I do?

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE HAVE WARNED YOU ABOUT IDRIS.WE HAVE YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX HERE IN OUR COMPNAY TO SHIP TO YOU.THEREFORE SEND US THE MONEY WE ASKEED YOU AND DON'T WORK WITH IDRIS,OUR COMPANY DID NOT RECOGNISE IDRIS ABDULAHI FROM NIGERIA.SEND THE KEEPING FEE IMMEDIATELY.

WARNING:IDRIS ABDULAHI FROM NIGERIA IS FRAUD NIGERIA SCAMS..... STOP FURTHER CONTACT WITH HIM BEFORE WE REPORT BOTH OF YOU TO POLICE.

IF YOU REALLY NEED YOUR BOX JUST GO AHEAD AND SEND US THE MONEY WE REQUIRED FROM YOU SO THAT YOU CAN RECEIVE YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX BY MONDAY WHICH IS 72 HOURS DELIVERY.

WE AWAIT YOUR TO RECEIVE YOUR PAYMENT INFORMATIONS.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Unfortunately for Mr. Eze, since The Swedish Chef fell so easily for his scam, that makes The Swedish Chef more likely to fall for other scammers too. Especially when they have documents!

Dear Mr. Eze,

Boot zeey hefe-a sent me-a ducooments. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Zeey sey I em elreedy epprufed fur zee peyment. Um de hur de hur de hur. Hoo cuoold zeey leee-a vhee zeey hefe-a ducooments? I veell furverd zee i-meeels tu yuoo su yuoo cun see-a.
Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

I forward Mr. Eze the e-mails containing the documents from the Central Bank of Nigeria.
See-a, here-a is oone-a ducooment!

See-a, here-a is two-a ducooment!
It seys I em elreedy epprufed. Bork bork bork!

Attn: Stephan Edberg,
Madam,
Following the approval of release of your contract fund to you, I write to re-inform you that you are required to supply the following information which is what we exactly need for final wire transfer of your fund;

Your bank Name and Address
Your bank Account Number
Your bank Swift Code/Route Number
Your bank Telephone Number
Your personal address as well as your direct telephone number is also required.

As a form of attachment, I scan and send you the approval letter as well as the Financial Periodic Payment Gazette for the approval and release of your money.
The Central Bank of Nigeria regrets any inconvenience which this delay has caused you.
Regards.
Idiris Abdullahi

Madam? Whatever. I forward Idiris the e-mail from Mr. Eze calling Idiris a scammer and warning me not to have contact with Nigerian fraudsters.

Dear Idris,

Mr. Eze seys I shuoold nut deel veet yuoo und thet he-a veell cell zee puleece-a oon but ooff us becoose-a yuoo ere-a a scemmer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Vhet shuoold I du? Pleese-a help.
Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

The documents were your standard boring certificate with my character's name on it. Not worth posting. I really like playing these two against each other though.

Update 9/25:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE REALLY THANK YOU FOR ALL THE INFORMATIONS YOU FORWARDED TO THIS OFFICE AND WE ASK THAT YOU STOP ANY FURTHER CONTACT TO THEM IMMEDIATELY,MY OFFICE WILL BE SENDING DELEGATES TO NIGERIA ON THIS MATTER AND WE WARNED YOU THAT CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA WILL NOT BE OPERATING FROM YAHOO.

SO IF YOU CONTACT THEM AGAIN,I WILL CONTACT THE FEDERAL INETRPOL TO YOUR HOUSE FOR ARREST ON PRACTISING SCAMS.

YOUR CONSIGNMENT HAS BEEN HERE FOR LONG AND YOU NEED TO PAY THE REQUIRED MONEY AND RECEIVE YOUR BOX WITH 48 HOURS AS WE PROMISED.
SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Dear Mr. Eze,

Vhy vuoold yuoo errest me-a? I hefe-a nut dune-a unytheeng vrung. I'm joost seetting here-a, meending my oovn booseeness vhee ell zeese-a i-meeels keep flyeeng in frum Beneen und zeen Neegeria. Yuoo sey zeey ere-a froodsters. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Vell, thunk yuoo fur zee verneeng, I vun't cuntect zeem egeeen. Bork bork bork! Boot zeen yuoo threetee me-a veet errest! I vun't pey yuoo unteel yuoo epulugeeze-a tu me-a.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Dear Stephan,

I don't understand your mail,have you received your money from the CUSTOMER UNIT.

Again what do you mean by getting email from Central Bank of Nigeria,and what do i have to do with them.
waiting to hear from you urgent.
Thanks
Mr.Samuel Komoh

Dear Sam,

Nu, I hefe-a nut receeefed uny muney. Bork bork bork! Zeey ere-a threeteneeng tu errest me-a! Vhet du yuoo hefe-a tu du veet zeem? Vell, thet's vhet I em eskeeng. Ell ooff a sooddee I get un i-meeel frum yuoo, zeen un i-meeel frum zeem, it is ell fery soospeeciuoos!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

In the past, I've written to Samuel in slightly better English, but when The Swedish Chef is very upset, he goes back to his native dialect Wink

Update Sept. 27th:

Mr. Eze apologizes to The Swedish Chef for threatening to arrest him. It seems that he was only trying to help.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL AND I AM APOLOGISING TO YOU NEVER TO UNDERSTAND THAT AM TRETHING YOU WHEN I MEANTIONED ARREST.I WAS TRYING TO CONTROL YOU FROM THE NIGERIA FRAUDLENT ATTITUDE.

WE AS COMPANY ARE HAVING MANY WARNING FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLES ALL OVER THE WORLD CONCERNING NIGERIANS. SO FOR YOUR OWN GOOD STOP EMAILING THEM FOR THE INTEREST OF YOU AS MY CUSTOMER AND FOR THE GOOD NAME OF OUR COMPANY AS YOU HAVE BOX HERE THAT WE ARE TRYING TO DELIVER TO YOU.

SO I REALY APOLOGISE TO YOU,I MEAN TO SAVE YOU FROM THE HANDS OF THE DEVILISH ONES THERE IN NIGERIA.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Dear Mr. Eze
Eh, ookey I understund thet noo. Vell, in thet cese-a, yuoo'll be-a heppy tu knoo thet I hefe-a guttee nu mure-a i-meeels frum zeese-a ifeel, bed, nu guud Neegeriun froodsters.

Um gesh dee bork, bork! I nefer knoo thees prublem ixeested. Bork bork bork! Su it is a beeg prublem? Voo, pleese-a tell me-a mure-a ebuoot hoo zeese-a scemmers ooperete-a. Thees is fery scery. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely
Stephan Edberg

God I love this guy (these guys). Next week it will be three months since I started writing to Agu/Samuel/Mr. Eze as The Swedish Chef. If you had told me when I started that this would be my longest running bait, writing in "chef speak", I wouldn't have believed it!

9/28:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG

WE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL AND WE ADVICE THAT ANY EMAIL THAT TELLS YOU THAT YOU WON MONEY WHICH IS NOT RECOGNIZED TO YOU IS SCAMS,SO DO NOT ATTEND TO IT AS THEY WILL USE TRICKS TO TAKE MONEY FROM YOU.

THEREFORE,HANDLE WITH CARE.

WE ARE FIGHTING TOOTH AND NAIL TO LIMIT THE ON GOING FRAUDS ALL OVER THE WHOLE THAT HAS MADE BAD NAMES TO THE GOOD ONES.

SO LETS WORK ON YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX.WE HAVE RECEIVED ANY PAYMENT FROM YOU.ACT ACCORDINGNLY.
SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE

Dear Mr. Eze,

Oh, I'm gled tu heer thet yuoo ere-a feeghting egeeenst froodsters. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Thet is fery guud ooff yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I eppreceeete-a yuoor hunesty. Bork bork bork! Pleese-a tell me-a hoo tu meke-a zee peyment egeeen und I veell du su immedeeetely. Bork bork bork!
Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

9/29:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHA EDBERG.

WE ARE IN RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL YOU CAN SEND THE KEEPING FEE OF $95 VIA WESTERN UNOION MONEY TRANSFER TO THE NAME OF OUR CASHIER GEVIEN BELOW IMMEDIATELY SO THAT WE CAN SHIP YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOX TO YOUR ADDRESS BY NEXT WEEK.ONCE WE RECEIVE THE FEE, WE WILL SEND YOU OUR SHIPMENT RECEIPT FOR YOUR PERUSAL AND RECORDS.
OUR CASHIER NAME:

JOHN C OFORKANSI
COUNTRY:BENIN REPUBLIC
QUESTION:SIZE
ANSWER:BOX

WE AWAIT THE FEE WITH THE MTCN FOR EASY COLLECTION.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE

Why not argue about the fee amount? Smile

Dear Mr. Eze,

I thuooght zee fee-a ves $70. Deed zee emuoont chunge-a? I em cunffoosed egeeen. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHA EDBERG.

WE ARE IN RECEIPT OF YOUR MAIL AND I WISH TO LET YOU KNOW THAT THE REQUIRED FEE IS $95 AND THERE IS NEED THAT YOU SEND IT TODAY SO THAT YOUR BOX WILL BE SHIPPED TO YOU AND FOR YOU TO RECEIVE IT BEFORE THURSDAY.

WE AWAIT THE FEE WITH THE MTCN FOR EASY COLLECTION.

SINCERELY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Dear Mr. Eze,

Cun't I pey yuoo veet oone-a ooff my deleeciuoos receepes? Hoo ebuoot a receepe-a fur Svedeesh meetbells? I elsu meke-a a vunder chuculete-a muuse-a. I em a vurld femuoos cheff, yuoo knoo. I ifee hed my oovn cuukeeng shoo beck hume-a in Svedee. Bork Bork Bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 3:07 pm

October 2nd - Mr. Eze rejects the generous offer of payment via recipes.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

PLEASE SEND THE FEE IN $ AS REQUIRED.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

I guess that Chuculete-a muuse-a is not an acceptable form of payment.

Dear Mr. Eze,

Okey, ookey, I understund. Bork bork bork! I veell cell yuoo leter tu deescooss thees. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I hefe-a zee muney reedy, boot I reelly vunt tu cell yuoo furst. Um de hur de hur de hur.
Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

I have Mr. Eze's phone number, now I just need to find a Swedish Chef soundboard.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

PLEASE SEND THE FEE IF YOU HAVE THE MONEY READY SO THAT WE CAN SEND YOUR TRUNK BOX TO YOUR ADDRESS IN USA.I AM WAITING FOR YOUR CALL ONCE YOU SEND THE\n MONEY.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

October 4th, Mr. Eze is still waiting for me to call him. I can't help it if I haven't found an acceptable soundboard yet. Hold your horses Mr.Eze!

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

I have not heard from you.You promised to call me before you pay the money you said you have gotten.....Go ahead and send the money so that we can ship your consignment box to you immediately.

Meanwhile i hope you have stopped communication with the Nigerians?

I am waiting to receive your payment information now to enable me send you payment/shipment receipt as soon as your box leaves to your home address there in USA.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER
UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE
COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC

Dear Eze,

I'm surry I deed nut vreete-a tu yuoo suuner. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I hefe-a beee hefeeng prublems veet my phune-a. I sent it tu be-a feexed und I veell cell yuoo es suun es I get it beck.

Yes, I hefe-a nut telked tu uny Neegeriuns seence-a yuoo tuld me-a nut tuu. Zeey hefe-a nut i-meeeled me-a ieezeer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!

I'm a beet cunffoosed. Bork bork bork! Yuoo sey yuoo ere-a gueeng tu send me-a a receeept es suun es zee bux leefes my hume-a eddress. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Eren't yuoo sendeeng zee bux tu my hume-a eddress. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I hefen't guttee it yet. Um de hur de hur de hur. Vhy vuoold I vunt zee bux tu leefe-a?

Sincerely,
Stefan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

I will send the recipt over to you when you make the payment.Send the money as i told you so that i will ship your box to your house address.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

October 7th, The Universal Delivery Service and Mr. Eze are still after their money of course.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

I will send the recipt over to you when you make the payment.Send the money as i told you so that i will ship your box to your house address.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Dear Eze,
Okey, I'll send yuoo zee muney es suun es I get my phune-a feexed und peeed fur. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! It shuooldn't be-a lung.
Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

I got your email.so send the money as you said witout further delay.We shall be shipping to USA this coming Thursday and i wil like to ship your box with others.But that is when you send the money,then your box will be included with those to be sent to USA by Thursday.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

And it looks like good ol' Agu is back! I haven't heard from him in a long time.

Subject: TRUTH IS LIFE OK.

ATTENTION MR STEPHAN.

I WANT YOU TO TELL ME HOW FAR YOU HAVE GONE WITH MY MONEY ANT TELL ME HOW YOU PAID TO YOUR BANK OK. FAILING TO DO SO I WILL COMMIT YOU TO AFRICAN SHRINE OK.AND SEND ME YOUR CURRENT PHONE NUMBER SO THAT WE MAY TALK ONE ON ONE.

REGARDS.

AGU.

An African Shrine? I don't know, being committed to a shrine sounds like an honor to me.

Hee Egoo! Lung teeme-a, nu see-a. Hoo ere-a yuoo? I em coorrently deeleeng veet a sheepping cumpuny vhu is gueeng tu sheep me-a zee muney in a bux (boot be-a fery qooeeet ebuoot thees, I'm nut sooppused tu tell unyune-a). I'm gueeng tu send zeem zee muney es suun es I get my phune-a feexed. Bork bork bork! Becoose-a ooff my brukee phune-a, I'm surry boot yuoo cun't cell me-a reeght noo. Cun I hefe-a yuoor phune-a noomber su I cun cell yuoo oonce-a my phune-a is feexed? Vhet is un Effreecun Shreene-a?

October 9th: It seems that during his abscence, Agu has fallen on hard times - what with the starving children and all.

ATTENTION MR STEPHUN.
--------------------------------------------------

hello my friend this is from AGU. remember that one proverb said that a journey of one thousand miles startad with a step and also bear it in mind that one good turns deserves another .try to comply to me as we discussed at the initial time that we started this transaction ok.

so here is my number if you wish you can call me on this line +229-9****257.

and again i want you to send me small amount of money so that i will be eating with it until you wish to finish up with this transaction ok.

but try so that we will finish with this because my children all dying in hunger ok. send us a token of $100 us .dollars.

here is the imformation to send it via western union.

COUNTRY----BENIN
CITY-----COTONOU
TEXT QUESTION---BEST COLOUR
ANSWER---WHITE
SENDERS NAME----YOUR NAME
RECEIVERS NAME----OBIORAH PAUL MGBOESINA

and remember to add MTCN .

Regards.
AGU.

Dear Agu,

Oh nu! Thet is hurreeble-a ebuoot yuoor cheeldree. I gooess yuoo hefe-a fellee oon herd teemes. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I hed nu idea yuoor seetooeshun ves su bed. Bork bork bork! Pleese-a feend zeem suemtheeng tu iet vheele-a I get zee peyment tugezeer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I prumeese-a I veell ect qooeeckly. Bork bork bork! In zee meunteeme-a, perheps yuoo cun feed zeem sume-a breed oor chuculete-a muuse-a. Es a cheff, I knoo zee impurtunce-a ooff guud fuud. Bork bork bork!

I veell elsu cell yuoo es suun es my phune-a is repeured. Bork bork bork! It is brukee, boot I ixpect it beck shurtly. Bork bork bork!

Ve-a elsu hefe-a pruferbs in Svedee. My fefureete-a oone-a gues leeke-a thees: "Wen da macheen is goin de flumy flumy, ya ya, da goobla goobla humunga."

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2007 12:59 pm

I finally recorded (badly) some Swedish Chef sounds so I could call Agu.

Dear Agu,

My phune-a is feexed. Bork bork bork! I veell be-a celleeng yuoo thees ifeneeng.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg
The Swedish Chef

So after about 4 or 5 tries of getting the phone call to finally connect (phone service in Benin must suuuuuuuuuuck), we have the following incomprehensible "conversation." I apologize that he is really loud and the chef is very soft - you'll have to turn the volume up if you want to hear the chef.

http://media.putfile.com/incomprehensible-call-1

Mainly it's just Agu saying "hello?" "did you make the payment" and something else that I couldn't understand. At first I was worried that he wasn't going to be able to understand anything that the chef said, but then that was kind of the point, wasn't it? Wink

Elite Baiter Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 1693

A lad fluent in Swedish chef a joy to behold Laughing

That was insanely funny well worth the volume turned up Cool

I think the phone connection problems added to the call any sane person would of hung up there and then

7.18 minutes of true madness Thumbs up

to great work

Posted: Fri Oct 12, 2007 12:02 pm

He's a glutton for punishment. He wants the chef to call him again.

Dear Agu,

I treeed tu cell yuoo yesterdey, boot yuoo deedn't seem tu be-a eble-a tu heer me-a. Cuoold yuoo heer me-a oofer zee phune-a? I hed tu cell ebuoot 4 oor 5 teemes beffure-a it ifee cunnected. Bork bork bork! Phune-a serfeece-a moost be-a fery bed in Beneen. Bork bork bork! Du yuoo vunt me-a tu try tu cell yuoo egeeen?

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg
The Swedish Chef

yes sed it and call me ok
Agu

Okey. Bork bork bork! I veell cell yuoo egeeen tumurroo.

Elite Baiter Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 1693

You should post the call in audio

Nearly as mad as

"I AM TELEPHONE"

fashmo

Posted: Sat Oct 13, 2007 3:59 pm

I'll probably post the second call. It's a lot better Laughing

.

October 13th:

The Swedish Chef calls Agu again. Agu again has trouble understanding the chef and at one point tells the chef, "You don't speak english very well."

After about 7 minutes, I hung up on him because there's only so many times I can play the "ya, ya, ya" soundclip.

I also think I can hear Agu and his "brother" laughing at the chef's poor english. That's okay, I'm laughing too Wink

. As long as they don't figure out they're talking to a muppet, things are good, lol. Agu has been trying to scam a muppet since the beginning of July!

Here's the call - http://media.putfile.com/Second-call-to-Agu

I think in my next e-mail to him, the chef will be very hurt that Agu laughed at him Sad

eta: Mr. Eze gave me a new phone number for the chef to call him at. These guys must love chef speak Wink

October 15th:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.
This is my corect number *****. i shall be waiting for your call.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER
UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE
COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC

Thunk yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I veell cell yuoo thees ifeneeng.

I also sent an e-mail to Agu, telling him how hurt I was that he laughed at my poor english.

Subject: Yuoo vere-a fery meun

Dear Agu,

I deed nut eppreceeete-a yuoo und yuoor bruzeer loogheeng et my ingleesh zee oozeer dey oon zee phune-a! I try tu du my best veet ingleesh und I hefe-a tu suoond it oooot phuneteecelly. Bork bork bork. I toldkescue! Ya, chickianderatski.

Yuoo shuoold ect mure-a pruffesseeunel.

Leyleyuu an guudbye.

Sincerely,

Stephan Edberg

eta: I've still had no success in calling Eze. His phone never connects.

Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 1:41 am

I hadn't heard from Eze, Agu or anyone involved in The Swedish Chef bait for almost a week. I was getting kind of worried that they had given up after the phone call.

October 16th
Dear Eze,

I treeed celleeng yuoo tveece-a lest neeght. Um de hur de hur de hur. Zee furst teeme-a I gut thees veurd messege-a in French. Zee secund teeme-a I gut a messege-a thet zee netvurk soobscreeber ves nut efeeeleble-a et thees teeme-a.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

October 17th
Mr. Eze,

I hefe-a nut heerd beck frum yuoo. Vhet is gueeng oon? Pleese-a tell me-a vhee yuoo veell be-a efeeeleble-a tu unsver yuoor phune-a. I vunt tu feenish thees trunsecshun. I hefe-a beee vurkeeng oon thees seence-a Jooly! Bork Bork Bork!

-Stephan

October 19th
Subject: money

Dear Mr. Eze,

Pleese-a, is it steell pusseeble-a tu send zee peyment? Cun yuoo send me-a zee deteeels egeeen?
I'm a beet vurreeed becoose-a zee Neegeriuns hefe-a beee i-meeeling me-a egeeen (dun't vurry, I hefen't vreettee beck yet).

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Mr. Eze finally responds back. It must have been the mention of those awful Nigerians (and putting "money" in the subject line I'm sure helped too Wink

).

October 24th
DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

THIS IS THE PAYMENT INFORMATION AGAIN:SEND THE MONEY URGENTLY.

JOHN C .OFORKANSI
CITY:COTONOU
COUNTRY:BENIN REPUBLIC
QUESTION:SIZE
ANSWER:BOX

SEND THE PAYMENT INFORMATION SO THAT WE CAN SHIP YOUR BOX AS PLANNED.DO NOT EMAIL TO THE NIGERIANS JUST LIKE I TOLD YOU BEFORE.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE

Dear Mr. Eze,

Hey! I em heppy tu heer frum yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I sent zee peyment joost es instroocted. Bork bork bork! I vunted tu meke-a soore-a it ves secoore-a su I sent it *****. Bork bork bork! Ell yuoo hefe-a tu du is ******* und zee MTCN veell eppeer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Thunks! I'm gled tu hefe-a thees oordeel feenelly oofer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Sorry about the "*****" - privacy stuff Wink

Anyway, all you need to know is that it made Eze's quest for the money just that little bit more difficult.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE GOT YOUR EMAIL AND WE TRIED EVERY POSSIBLE MEANS TO SEE THE MTCN BUT TO NO AVAIL.PLEASE SEND US THE MTCN BY EMAIL HERE AS WE ASURE YOU THAT ITS SECURED AND WE CAN LET YOU KNOW ONCE WE RECEIVE IT AND SEND YOU YOUR PAYMENT RECEIPT.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Dear Eze,

Oh deer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Meybe-a sumetheeng ves vrung veet zeeur i-meeel system yesterdey. Bork bork bork! It's elveys vurked ookey fur me-a. Cun yuoo try it egeeen? I vunt tu meke-a soore-a thees is sent secoorely. Bork bork bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

After nearly 4 months, Eze et al. are starting to figure things out a bit.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE ARE VERY CONCERN ABOUT YOUR CASE.PLEASE TRY TO BE TRUTHFUL.WE CHECKED WITH OUR STATUS AND FIND OUT THAT THERE IS NEVER A TIME YOU SEND ANY MONEY.PLEASE WE ARE NOT HERE TO PLAY OR NEITHER HAVE ANY OF US HAS TIME TO WAIST WITH A LIAR.PLEASE IF YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS KENDLY STOP FURTHER CONTACT WITH OUR OFFICE.

YOU CAN OPEN UP COMMUNICATION WITH THE NIGERIANS IF THAT IS WHERE YOU BELONG OR THE PEOPLE YOU TRUSTED .BUT WE SINCERLY APOLOGISE WITH YOU TO BEHAVE YOURSELF SINCE WE KNOW THAT WE HAVE NEVER OFFENDED YOU IN ANY MANNER.

THANK YOU VERY WELL FOR HAVING ALL THIS TIME WAISTED WITH US.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

Now I'm really tempted to just sent them a wikipedia or youtube link to The Swedish Chef, but I really want to see if I can push this into November, just to make it an even four months.

It's time for Eze to face a pissed off Swede Wink

Dear Eze,

Hoo dere-a yuoo cell me-a a leeer? I em a pruffesseeunel und heeghly respected cheff. Yuoo hefe-a nu coose-a tu sey thet tu me-a! I hefe-a beee hunest veet yuoo ell elung. It is yuoo thet ere-a pleyeeng gemes veet me-a. Yuoo und Egoo.

I deed tuu send zee muney! Vhy deed yuoo nut get it? Cuoold yuoo nut decude-a zee i-meeel? Deed yuoo nut try zee seete-a currectly? Vhet du yuoo vunt? I scunned cupy ooff zee MTCN? I cun send yuoo thet, boot I joost vunted tu du it secoorely. I thuooght yuoo es a pruffesseeunel deleefery serfeece-a vuoold understund thet! Bork Bork Bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

October 27th:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE ARE VERY SORRY IF WE HAVE OFFENDED YOU BY MY WRITTING YOU.OUR COMPANY SAFE DELIVERY COMPANY AND ALL WE DO IS TO BE TRUTHFUL TO ALL OUR CUSTOMERS.

IF YOU ARE HIGHLY RESPECTED CHEIF AS YOU SAID,YOU NEED TO BE TRUTHFUL TO MAINTAIN YOUR PERSONALITY.SO I WILL APRECIATE YOU SCAN THE MTCN IF YOU HAVE PAID THE MONEY AS YOU SAID YOU ARE NOT LYING TO US.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR EMAIL.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

October 28th: Today the chef sent Mr. Eze the Western Union receipt scan. It might have been a little blurry Wink

Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2007 5:58 pm

I laughed so hard at that one I almost wet myself. Priceless!

Quote:

mind you that iam not an ilitrate

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 1:52 pm

October 29th.

Mr. Eze has a suprisingly civil reaction to the blurry Western Union receipt sent to him by The Swedish Chef.

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

WE RECEIPT YOUR PAYMENT SCANNED COPY BUT AFTER WE PRINTED IT OUT ITS NOT CLEAR SO WE CANNOT MAKE USE OF IT.WE ADVICE YOU KINDLY SEND THE MTCN CONTROL NUMBER WHICH IS THE ONLY THING NEEDED TO RECEIVE THE MONEY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR BEING TRUTHFUL AND TRUSTED PERSON.
SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE COTONOU BENIN REPUBLIC

Dear Eze,

Oh, I'm surry ebuoot zee bloorry scun. Leeke-a I seeed, my scunner is qooeete-a oold und I du nut use-a it fery oofftee.

Ere-a yuoo soore-a yuoo dun't need a cupy ooff zee receeept? Zee ledy et zee Vestern Uneeun ooffffeece-a seeed it vuoold be-a guud fur me-a tu send it tu yuoo veet a qooesshun und unsver. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Du yuoo need zee qooesshun und unsver tuu?

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

YES TELL THE LADY IN THE WESTERN UNION OFFICE TO SEND THE MTCN AND THE QUESTION AND ANSWER TOO.THANK YOU FOR BEEN HONEST PERSON.

I AWAITS YOU URGENTLY TO ENABLE US SEND YOU TE SHIPMENT RECEIPT AND SHIP YOUR BOX POSSIBLY TODAY.
SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE

I like how he's going out of his way not to offend me this time, by repeatedly calling me truthful and honest. Laughing

Thanks Eze!

Okey Ize-a, I veell cell her und get thet inffurmeshun. Thunks. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

THANK YOU,WE ARE WAITING TO RECEIVE IT.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE

Grab a book Eze, it's going to be a long wait.

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 7:38 pm

Heh, why don't you try sending them to 1TV5, to make sure you are complying with the new anti-terrorism laws? (Click the link to find out more about this fun little time-waster...)

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 8:14 pm

^ That's a good idea. I don't think I've sent this particular lad to yet. Laughing

Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 8:50 pm

This is one of my favourite baits ever! Laughing

Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 5:35 am

This is brilliant - absolutely smashingly brilliant. Keep stringing him along!

Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 6:56 pm

Setting it up for , October 30th

Dear Eze,

Guud noos! I tuuk my scunner tu zee repeur shup yesterdey (I'fe-a needed tu du thet unyvey und zee prublems veet zee receeept scun joost prumpted me-a tu gu eheed und teke-a it in). Vell, zeey hefe-a celled me-a und it is reedy! I veell gu get it thees effternuun und re-a-scun zee receeept fur yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I theenk thet is better thun joost i-meeeling yuoo zee noomber. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Yuoo veell hefe-a mure-a inffurmeshun thees vey.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG.

THANK YOU,WE ARE WAITING TO RECEIVE IT AS SOON AS YOU RE-SCAN.BUT WE HAVE ADVICED YOU TO SEND THE MTCN BY EMAIL.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.

^Yeah, but if I did that, I couldn't string you along for another couple of days Eze.

Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 7:34 pm

This is priceless. These lads should go get a real job, earning $95 would be easier than trying to scam the Swedish Chef. Sound clips had tears running down my cheeks....Halllooooo.....bork...bork.... Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 6:47 pm

^ Bigglesworth, I feel the same way. I had to go through the previous e-mails to find out how much I was supposed to send him (I sent him a scan of a fake WU form with the code at the bottom) and I was shocked to see that this whole thing was over $95. Laughing

Alas, it appears that I filled out the form wrong (this was actually unintentional on my part, I guess I was really tired last night). But it works in my favor, because it just adds another delay.

October 31st:

DEAR CUSTOMER,MR.STEPHAN EDBERG

WE HAVE RECEIVED A SCANNED COPY OF YOUR PAYMENT SLIP BUT THERE IS MISTAKE.YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE RECEIVER NAME AND PUT RECEIVER NAME IN THE SENDER NAME.AND THERE IS NO MTCN CONTROL NUMBER IN THE WESTERN UNION PAYMENT SLIP.

PLEASE KINDLY ADVICE THE WESTERN UNION WORKER TO CORRECT THE MISTAKES AND FILL THE NAME PROPERLY AND ALSO MTCN NUMBER OF THE TRANSACTION AS WE ARE NOT ABLE TO PICK UP THE MONEY FROM WESTERN UNION.

THANK YOU FOR BEING TRUTHFUL AND HONEST PERSON.

SINCERLEY.
MR. RICHARD EZE.
GENERAL MANAGER
UNIVERSAL DELIVER SERVICE
COTONOU
BENIN REPUBLIC

Oops, my bad.

Dear Eze,

I deed? Ooh, I em surry ebuoot thet. Um de hur de hur de hur. I em vurkeeng lete-a in zee bekery tuneeght und tumurroo neeght, su I veell nut be-a eble-a tu gu oofer tu Vestern Uneeun unteel Freedey ifeneeng, boot I veell teke-a cere-a ooff it. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

I really am working late tonight and tomorrow night, so I was being a "TRUTHFUL AND HONEST PERSON" in that regard Wink

.

Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:20 pm

Hey Worf - about the audio clips - were they recorded in stereo? E.g. one channel local and the other remote?

If you want I would love to have a go at tidying it up a bit - send me a PM if you want & I'll have a go.

Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 9:39 pm

Kickstart, thanks for the offer, but I've already deleted the files from my hard drive Sad

. The only thing I have now are the putfile links.

Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 10:32 pm

Not to worry. I've downloaded the files and they're available behind the following links:

Incomprehensible Call 1

Second Call To Agu

Now you can download and edit them, Kickstart. Could you also alter the volumes of the voices a bit? It's annoying having to alter the volume during the call. One minute, you're listening to the chef, the next, the lad's voice destroys your eardrums!

Is it just me, or do lads always seem to put the speaker right into their mouth when talking on the phone?

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