Aren't cold callers brilliant!!!

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 9:52 am

<br>Just had a cold caller on the phone. Which is annoying, seeing as I'm registered with the Telephone Preference Service. However, seeing as I got out of bed on the right side this morning, I decided to humour him.

Basically he was trying to sell me a loan secured on my property. Went through all the questions. "Do you have a mortgage? Value of property? How much are you paying in interest? Type of mortgage? Blah de blah."

By this time I'm trying not to laugh out loud because I'm just about to kick him in the goolies.

Him : "How much is outstanding on the mortgage?" Me :" Fifty."
Him : "�50,000 right?"
Me : "No, Fifty - five - zero." [Which is true - the mortgage is paid off]
Him : "�50. Fifty pounds. Right. I see."
Me : Yes. �50. Five-zero." LMFAO.

I can almost taste his disappointment, or is it the smell of his commission burning.

Persistent bugger then changes tack and asks me if I'd thought of a loan for home improvements etc. Having decided to put him out of any further misery I then stop him in mid flow and hit him with the TPS. The mofo then hangs upon me! Twisted Evil

Some people have no manners!

Made my day...so far.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 3123

Did you record the call Laughing

I hate people who work for comission, they squeeze everything they can out of you, just to get a few extra $$ or �� or ��.

I had one at the door the other day... But that's another story!

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 10:03 am

TS

you a star.i get the kids to say the magic letters 'TPS' and they ask me
why did the man put the phone down dad.

winding them up is another fine sport everyone can participate in.

if they wake me from my sleep on nights they get the fook orf treatment.

Wink

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 10:25 am

I assume we are talking about telemarketeers here... One of my favourite tactics is always let them start explainging what they call for and in the middle of their explanation I say... wait up sombody at the door need to open. Then put the horn down and continue working.. every now and then checking if they are still on the line. the record stands on 21 minutes

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 10:39 am

I had a guy knocking at the door a couple of weeks ago.
It was raining, and he said "I am not trying to sell you anything, but would you be interested in having some work done on your guttering, its leaking...?"

I told him that I would be interested, could he wait there whilst I just go and do something.....

So I shut the door on him, and 10 minutes later he was still standing there in the pouring rain... Smile

I couldn't contain myelf any longer, I stood at the window roaring with laughter at him, looking all bedraggled on my doorstep.....sadly he didn't see the funny side... Rolling Eyes

He gave me a one finger salute and called me an Anchor, which was an odd thing to call me really, but I may have been misheard him because it was lashing it down by this time.... Laughing

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 10:46 am

Once, I told them that I would call the person they needed to speak to. Every five to ten minutes thereafter I'd check to see if the were still there. That lasted for half an hour.

Other occasions I slowly drip my information. The caller gives the spiel, I say I have a little problem with money, not much of a credit history, a very small amount in the bank. More spiel, I add I have a judgement against me. Yet more spiel and a question. Is it a County Court judgement? - basically was I taken to court for debt recovery. No, I was in the Crown Court for fraud and I have just been released from prison.

On other occasions I try to persuade the cold caller to help me to defraud their company.

Ah, the fun to be had.

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 10:52 am

my brother loves winding them up. his favorite line is.
<shouting> `you`ll have to speak up i`m only wearing a towel`

if you repeat every word they say that really burns them.

and if you ask them pointless questions.

Baiting Guru Joined: 19 Apr 2007 Posts: 3123

Tommo Shanter wrote:

The mofo then hangs upon me! Twisted Evil

Strange you should say that...

Once, some telemarketer called, went through the usual drivel, when he finally realised I was stringing him along, he said goodbye. I never hung up the phone and 5 seconds later he asked if I could hang up. I said "Certainly not". After numerous rants and raves he finally shuts up. 3 hours later and he's still there Twisted Evil

Obviously he couldn't hang up! I've noticed that with other companies too.

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:22 am

^^^They always hang up on me once I mention the dreaded initials...TPS.

Next time, I'm going to make sure I get their full name, company and number. string them along. Ask them loads of personal questions. Where are they? What's the weather like there? Are they married? Any kids? Do they enjoy their job? Blah blah.

Whilst they have a job to do, they shouldn't be invading my privacy, as I have specifically requested them not to. I find their manners on the whole quite frankly arrogant.

I also hate it when you pick up the phone and their is a 5 second delay before the automatic dialing system kicks in and they deem to speak to you.

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:23 am

"Hello! I'm pleased to tell you that you have been selected to receive a massive reduction in your phone/gas/electricity bill!!!"

"Oh really? That's great! Thanks for letting me know mate" [click]

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:23 pm

It may have been posted before in another cold caller thread .... but it's worth a listen again (one of my favorites)

http://joshualowry.vox.com/library/audio/6a00c225203796f21900c2252ab8c18e1d.html

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 12:45 pm

^^^I've just wet myself and my keyboard.

That is freakin' hilarious' Elvis lives.!!

Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 1:14 pm

this thyng is also fun

http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 12:11 am

Ok, gotta put my blonde head back on for a minute and be the one to ask...What do the initials TPS stand for? Confused

Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 12:38 am

^^^ Telephone Preference Service

In the U.S. it's called the No Call Directory

419Eater is my life Joined: 12 Jun 2005 Posts: 442

I confess... when I saw "TPS" I was thinking of the "TPS reports" from the movie Office Space, which stands for "totally pointless sh--"

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

I thought it was called the "do not call registry" in the US? (I'm on it, whatever it is, and it works because I don't get calls any more).

Interesting that people who enjoy baiting would also toy with the telemarketers. Makes perfect sense. Smile

Things I have done in the past are: Ask them back every single question they ask me, or ask them millions of questions about their offer.

If I'm busy and say "no thank you" and they still won't go away I interrupt them, tell them that I've already said no and their choice now is to either be hung up on or to say "ok bye". They almost always say "Ok bye" because they hate being hung up on. Laughing

One time a telemarketer called my work, saying that she had a deal on the toner for our printer. I said, how do you know what printer we have? She called me a smart a$$ b1tch and hung up on me. Shocked

Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 1:36 am

I must admit that I play with the callers. I love things like credit card offers.

I tell them that I usually max the card out in a weekend of drinking then never pay it. I tell the caller that if he can somehow raise the limit I will give him 20%.

You'd be surprised how many are willing to do it. Laughing

Mrs. B. A. gets quite upset when she hears me doing this. Crying or Very sad

419Eater is my life Joined: 12 Jun 2005 Posts: 442

I enjoy telemarketer calls - I have a lot of fun. Unfortunately, they seldom call back by the time I'm done. Usually, I make my personal goal to keep them on the phone as long as possible, and try to get them as far off subject as possible. Loads of fun

Master Baiter Joined: 14 Jun 2007 Posts: 109

I tend to do childish things like play animal noises down the phone and see how long until they hang up.
It's one of the quicker ways to get on their "if you like your sanity, don't call" list.

I'm not in the directory and with our equivalent of the no calling list, so they shouldn't have my number.

Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 2:25 am

A good trick on cold callers is the following:

1) Call comes in, and you establish it's a telemarketer...

2) After listening to their dribble for a few seconds you interrupt by saying "Oh my god this sounds really interesting, hold on I'll take take a pot off the boil".

3) Put the phone down without hanging up...

4) See how long they wait (I guess by quietly picking up the phone at various intervals).

I have heard some stay on the line for 10 minutes or more.

419Eater is my life Joined: 26 Jan 2007 Posts: 356

Certain companies will fire telemarketing employees who hang up before the person on the other end does (with the exception of numbers on the Do Not Call registry/TPS), so that's why some of them stay on the line so long. Very Happy

I imagine it's not a very good policy, with employees just sitting there doing nothing for long periods of time, not hanging up on pranksters for fear of losing their jobs... Laughing

Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 3:41 am

During one of my 'Can't get a job and need the money' phases, I worked for a call centre. It made me feel lower than a snakes belly. It was the most soul sucking job I ever did and in the end I was fired.

We had a cold caller the other night and hubby answered the phone. She asked how he was and he said "I'm very well thankyou, how are you?" She said it made her day. No one had ever asked her how she was before.

Remember, however much of a pain in the arse they are, they're still humans who are off their butts trying to earn a living as opposed to sitting on them getting money from the goverment.

(Ok, fed up of being nice now.)

Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 4:09 am

craig007 wrote:

I hate people who work for comission

You must hate a lot of people. I know many people who work on commission in all sorts of jobs. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them. In fact, many of them work a lot harder than mugs on wages doing jack shit.

People who work on commission, in my opinion, are not dissimilar to people who run/own their own business.

Do you hate them too?

Not having a go at you mate, don't take this the wrong way, just wanted to point out how broad your scope on this appears.

IWM wrote:

During one of my 'Can't get a job and need the money' phases

REALLY looking forward to the second installment of this when you tell us all the other stuff you used to do during "one of those phases"

Quote:

Remember, however much of a pain in the arse they are, they're still humans who are off their butts trying to earn a living as opposed to sitting on them getting money from the goverment.

I agree. Heaps of people i knew in uni did it. they weren't bad people, they just needed a job that had flexible hours and didn't involve dancing to music in a g-string.

how often do you abuse the people who come to your door offering you a better electricity plan? i hazard a guess, not very often.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

^^^ No one comes to my door with electricity plans. However, I do sometimes toy with the people who come by "selling" their religion. My husband is much worse about it than I am, he has theories about aliens. . . I'm simply catholic. Laughing

PS. I worked as a telemarketer, earning commission, for a couple of months after college.

PS again, I now own my own business. It's much much harder work than telemarketing. Wink

Aren't cold callers brilliant!!!	View next topic View previous topic