Inter-galactic scam

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Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 10:16 pm

One of my old buddies is one 'Captain O.N. Owusu'. I responded to his next-of-kin format back in November 2004, and after messing with him in pretty standard ways (westie hikes, trophy pics), I've been picking him up and dropping him as different characters with different modalities ever since, once in a while.

I mailed him as Professor Quatermass, from a research station in the Antarctic. I was abducted by a UFO last summer, and returned to earth 6 months later, although only an hour had passed on board the spacecraft.I thought he'd at least ask questions about the abduction. Nothing. "Who's going to send my western union payment?" Hummph.
The science, astronomy etc is all crap. Ignore.

Quote:

Captain Owusu, I have an astonishing story to relate to you.

You remember the lights in the sky, and the other strange things we
witnessed down here in the Antarctic?
Well, on the evening I last emailed you, a spacecraft from another
planet in the contellation of virgo arrived here.
The creatures on board the craft communicated with us by thought, and
took us aboard the craft. We were whisked into space at speeds far in
excess of the speed of light, and flew by planets in galaxies millions
of lightyears distant.

The entire flight lasted around one hour by my watch, but when we
arrived back at earth, several months had passed here. We effectively
travelled forward in time. This proves Einstein was correct in his
time/space theorum.

I have many things to do here. The extraterrestrial visitors will be
returning soon, to take us further into the distant reaches of space.

Needless to say, this is a most amazing time for myself as a scientist.
I will get back to you later.

Professor Bernard Quatermass

Dear Professor Bernard Quatermass,

Greetings to you from Lome Togo.How are you and your family? I believe you all are fine together with Terry and his family.

This is amazing story indeed.I thank God that you are still alive.I was just discharged from hospital yesterday night due to stress and worries.My son,Daniel wrote to you when he told me about your mail.I asked him to reply to you.

Now that you are busy over there,who will take care of the cosignment inorder to get it back from the security company? I'm so much worried over it.Please,try as much as you can and reply to me as soon as you get this mail.I will appreciate your early reply.

I dump him for another seven months, then send this:

Quote:

Dear Captain Owusu,

Here we are in the constellation of Virgo, about 720 light years away
from Earth, on a small planet orbiting one of the smaller suns of Alpha
Centauri. Normally, the signal from this planet back to earth would take
720 years to travel back home, but these beings use an amazing technique
of particle acceleration, which somehow dispenses with time and space,
and the signal returns in an instant. They have an ISP, I think it's aol.

I have no idea what the date is back there on earth, or how many
earth-days have passed since we left. I have to tell you that this
planet is very similar to our earth. The beings are humanoid, about half
our height. They are bipeds, like us. They are highly intelligent beings, who
communicate not by spoken language, but by thought. This is an
incredible experience for a scientist such as I. Please bear with me, I
will try to arrange my return to earth during your lifetime.

Meanwhile, the beings are passing on some invaluable medical and
scientific knowledge to me. They are then going to furnish me with the
knowledge to reverse global warming, cure disease, play the violin, and win the state lottery.

Best regards from Zogg,

Prof. Quatermass.

To which numbnuts replies:

Quote:

Dear Prof. Quatermass,

Many thanks for your mail and information about where you are and what is happening within the environment.Keep on trying and return during my lifetime.

I'm here suffering while I have such amount in the security company.Please,my good friend,can't direct me to someone who will take care of this our transaction here on our planet? I want us to concclude this transaction by retrieving the cosignment from the security company.

Please,I need your reply.You have a family here on earth.You can ask your wife to continue with where we stopped.I need your immediate reply as you get this mail.

Yours verily,
Cptn.O.N.Owusu

Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 10:39 pm

What a cracker! Nearly wet myself. Your lad is obviously not going to swayed by anything is he? Laughing

Western Union · Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 10:41 pm

PsycheDelia_Smith wrote:

They have an ISP, I think it's aol.

That is some seriously funny stuff.

Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 10:41 pm

Straight bait him as the wife, then right before WU time have her taken away by angels to the heavenlies.

** ACCOUNT CLOSED ** Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 766

I have to wonder if some of these Lads ever read these e-mail replies--if they just scan them to see if it follows the script.

Anyways, for the shear humor of it . . . FANTASTIC!

--J.D.

Posted: Fri Jul 13, 2007 11:49 pm

This is great PDS it is too funny. I am glad I wasn't drinking anything or it would be all over my keyboard and monitor.

** ACCOUNT CLOSED ** Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 766

Maybe you can convince your Lad that the aliens will give him gold.

There is this thing about a rectal probe, though. . . .

--J.D.

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 2:53 am

You'd think that after all this the lads would be getting smarter, but they just keep getting dumber and dumber! Laughing

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 3:24 am

That's astonishing, and mighty funny.

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 3:31 am

Tell him you left his money with an alien working for WU in Jupiter, where he has to go pick it up. �That would be quite a safari!

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 3:32 am

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 5:36 am

P_S - now you know you just have to go one more step to go so that you can start a thread titled - My Mugu Scammed a Martian

Lovely stuff LOL_sign

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 9:23 am

PsyD--^

"Here on our planet"...great lad reply.

Uhh--if he is buying into any of it at all, he doesn't seem to be seriously questioning just how it is you are able to contact him by computer..

** ACCOUNT CLOSED ** Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 766

^^^^The galaxy has gotten much further advanced than us.

They are completely wireless. . . .

--J.D.

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 10:03 am

I think it just goes to show what little understanding they have of the world, far less the universe around them. This f***tard actually thought I was on the moon at one stage.

Quote:

Wonderfully,this is a nice story to hear from you.I appreciated the way you did it.In this regards,nobody will put his eyes on the cosignments.I hope it will take few days to hit in the investor account as you mentioned.

I'm glad that,you have sold the incredible story from the space at a price of �40,000.This is really great.Now,you have sold the story,will you continue your researches? Please,let me know as you get this mail.I hope you will keep on your good works of the researches.

How is your family? I don't think they live with you there in the moon.Are they in UK?

After explaining the fundamental differences between the moon and antartica, I get this:

Quote:

Dear Professor Quatermass ,

How are you today? I hope you are fine.Thanks for your mail and explainations because,I do think you are on the Moon.I'm glad that,your family are in London.

As soon as you receive the cosignments,I will visit you in London.I blieve you will assist me to come to London.Kindly share my warmly greetings to your family and Terry.

I believe the transfer will must be early next week.I can say in 2 or 3 weeks time now,you must have received the cosignments in your place.But,where will you like the security company to bring the cosignments to you? Is it in London or where?

I hope to get your soonest reply.

Yours sincerely,
Cptn.O.N.Owusu

That's what gave me the idea of mailing him from another galaxy. I was always concerned about how the diplomat was going to get three tons of banknotes down to an antarctic research station, and he said it wouldn't be a problem. How he's going to get the money to another galaxy is another matter.
If anyone wants him, PM me for his addy. It'd be interesting to see how much he'll believe.

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 11:02 am

PsyD^

BTW, what sort of 'Captain' is Mr O.N.O? I didn't see anything on that.

Captain as in Crunch? Kangaroo? Kirk? Parmenter? E.J. Smith? And in what army/navy?

I fully buy into you being a professor, but him I'm not so sure about as a captain.

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 11:10 am

Christ, I don't remember. I tend not to bother with those fine details. I'll see if I can find his original format, but I don't think he ever mentioned it, and I never asked.

[edit]
No clues about what type of cpt. he is. The consignment was pretty big at 150 million though. I remember now, the main issue was how to get 15 tons (not 3) of banknotes to the antarctic.

Also, I wanted to know how he'd compress so much cash into a small trunkbox, and some wag here worked out the amount of pressure required to compress several cubic metres of notes into a space 1 metre x 1 metre. The notes would've been reduced to carbon.

Quote:

How are yu today? I hope you are find.Thanks for your mail in which the content therein is very well noted.

Please,I want you to understand this point very well:

The cosignments containing the amount of US$150,600,000.00 have been in Germany already.I deposited them as Family Treasures and Personal Effects in order to avoid them knowing that the contents of the cosignments is money.For the fact that,the cosignments were first deposited in Togo before they moved them to Germant was the reason a Deligate from the Office of Presidency in Togo will come to Germany to deliver the cosignments to you in Germany.The deligate coming from Togo to Germany does not mean that he is coming with the cosignments.The cosignments are there already in Germany.I hope you get the point very well now?

There was that German connection, too. He wanted me to go to Hamburg, and I insisted on him coming to Frankfurt. It had potential. A German TV company expressed interest in getting an actor to take the place of my character at the meeting, but they couldn't create a satisfactorily safe situation for the actor, and it was abandoned.

Amazing, how a well-connected lad like the captain is such a prat.

This arrived today. He believes I've been whisked off to a distant planet, yet he wonders why I don't talk about the transaction any more. Jesus.

Quote:

My good friend,Prof.Bernard Quatermass,

How are you there and your group.I you all are fine.

Please,I want you to pass this transaction to your wife to handle as I don't know when you are coming back on this earth.If you had listened to me,we would have concluded this transaction before now.So,I beg you to empower your wife to handle and finish this transaction.

All we need to do now is to pay the charge of �18,500 to the security company before they will release the cosignment to us.Now,you no longer talk about this cosignment,why? Your family needs this money.Please,I want to hear from you regards to how we shall conclude this transaction.

I have asked you to call me several times but,you didn't call me why? I have requested the phone number of your family in England,you didn't give it to me.I don't understand how you are doing at all.I want to hear from you.

An account had been given to you where you would transfer the money(�18,500) to enable the security company to release the cosignment to us.Prof.Bernard,why are you doing me like this? Do you want me to die? Can't you consider me and do something very fast? May you call me for us to discuss.

Your good friend,
Cptn.O.N.Owusu

Wannabe Baiter Joined: 19 May 2007 Posts: 87

that's fantastic Shocked

If you find that you need a wu receipt from the outer solar system - just PM me

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 6:28 pm

Now you've done it.

I MUST run some baits as Scam Bayta - WarLord and Captain of a Klingon Starship. Don't worry - I'll play it very straight Very Happy

Posted: Sat Jul 14, 2007 7:27 pm

This sets an all new standard for lad stupidity! Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 29 May 2007 Posts: 34

Absolutely hilarious . Maybe the aliens would be interested in investing in this little business transaction . I think they wire money the osmosis way . Western Union is so primitive.

Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 5:41 am

Hi Gomer^

When speaking of Klingons to your mugu it becomes almost a comedic mandate to work Uranus into a bait too..LOL!

** ACCOUNT CLOSED ** Joined: 15 Apr 2007 Posts: 766

^^^^^Obviously, the WU office is located there so the Lad has to travel to . . . "make sure you kiss the ground when you land," . . . the juvenile possibilities are endless!

Anyways, to take this a seriously as this can, if you can make this work . . . actually string this guy along . . . maybe convince him to make a UFO landing site or something with pictures--maybe a safari to some place remote to clear an area--this could be a classic bait!

Oh, now that I think of it, some crop circles could be "evidence" of the aliens communicating with certain representatives. Feel fee to send pictures of such communication.

--J.D.

Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 6:42 am

This is brilliant.

You could try replying to him saying that these aliens are very scientifically advanced and you have heard that they have the knowledge to convert common item (something that is readily available in the lads vicinity would be good - say lion dung) into the finest quality diamonds/gold etc.. without the use of machinery, merely using a couple of easily obtainable household chemicals. However, the aliens will not give you the information until you have been with them for a particular amount of time.

So far you know that it is definitely the lion dung etc..is the base material that they use, but if the lad could gather the raw materials while you are waiting for the alien recipe, then you will be ready to produce your diamonds as soon as you get the recipe.

A bigger carrot to dangle in front of him might get to forget about WU.

Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 6:54 am

Ophelia^

Your lad might be from SoAfr, where there actually are lions--but none of them have met up with a lion, most likely not even lion dung..

The bulk of your Lads are in Western Africa, no lions there. I tend to think that they find good-humor in it all when asked about lions and tigers and bears-- oh my! Maybe makes them think they have a maga on the hook.