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 Dating long term friend w/ VERY, VERY scandalous past - shou

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Hello I'm New here!

Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Posts: 1

PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 5:04 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Hello, this is a bit of a doozy and I'm trying to come to terms w/ what I should do w/ this situation before I move further w/ this relationship.

I have been dating a long term friend of 10 years for nearly 6 months now and I have to say it's been nothing but wonderful and I get the feeling she's madly in love w/ me and I am feeling quite the same. We dated very briefly about 10 years ago and she broke it off after 4 weeks but we've been pretty close friends ever since. Since we've been friends, she's had 2 pregnancies w/ 2 different guys (w/ the possibility of the 2 being from 3 possible choices). She lost her first baby which was very premature and only survived a few days. The said "father" of that baby was a guy she had dated for 2 years.

Now - here's the clincher. About a month after she lost her baby, I spoke to her over the phone and she confided in me that she didn't know whether the father was her boyfriend or HER BOSS'S!!! Now, this happened about 6-7 years ago and I remember every word she said because the news was like a lightning bolt. At that point, she had helped this guys start a company and had worked w/ him for at least 3 years. I asked her if she liked him and she said at one point she was way into him even though he was married w/ 2 kids. She said she was relieved to tell someone and I have a feeling I am one of the only people she told. She also said she had to stop the relationship immediately. I asked her how she met this guy in the first place and she wouldn't tell me. I suspect it must have been a sex site or dating site. I have never spoken to her about the incident ever again and I don't know if she even remembered telling me as she was in a huge depression after losing her baby. One of the biggest things that bothers me is the fact that her boyfriend seemed to care about her and the baby quite a bit and I don't think he ever found out that there was a question that he was the real father.

After that, we kept in touch via email and phone calls. At one point about 5 years ago, we had hung out for a 6 month period as FWB. In the past, whenever we would be getting a bit close, she would stop contacting me and could often be quite mean about breaking off contact. I always took it in stride and would go off and date other people.

She currently is a single mother to a boy who is nearly 4 years old. The father is completely out of the picture and she still works at the same company she helped start w/ the guy she was having an affair w/.

Back in October of 2006, we started hanging out quite a bit and it became apparent she liked me a lot more than FYB. I was very surprised she was starting to fall for me and I was very apprehensive about it for the first 3 months because I was expecting her to disappear like she usually did. Although, I know about her past, I have seen she's a very different person and has said so herself stating that having a child was a major change in her life. I have fallen pretty deeply in love w/ her as well and I have to say things are going amazingly well. I have been looking for signs that she may be hiding something but, at every turn, I can't find any sign of scandal, lies, or anything but her being 100% about me. Believe me, I've been looking everywhere for signs of her hiding something and I can't find anything. We get along better than any other girlfriend I have ever had, are alike in so many ways, and have many, many of the same interests. We always have a great time hanging out together.

The only time we have had problems is when she found out I was still in contact out w/ my ex (completely platonic)and freaked out because I told her I wasn't. I admit this was deceptive behavior on my part and it's been a rough few weeks trying to get through this. The thing that gets me is that she acted as if she had never experienced such deceptive behavior from a boyfriend and acted like she expected the most pure and moral behavior in a relationship. It took everything in me to not bring all this up.

I want to work this relationship out and my gut feeling tells me that she has no relationship w/ her boss anymore than work and friendship. Still, there are some other weird things. He comes and takes her son to church every Sunday and has set up a savings account for him. She also sent me a picture of her the other day of her as a teenager that her boss just happened to find on the work file server. He is the most understanding, and accomadating boss I've practically ever witnessed and treats her more like a daughter than a co-worker.

We're now getting along so well and I am completely attached to her but I'm getting to the point where I feel I have to get the 100% full story before I take this relationship any further. It's really starting to get to me.

I believe people can change drastically as they get older, especially after a life changing event like having children, but how much faith should I put into this idea?
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Not quite a Newb

Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 41

PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2007 5:10 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I really think that you have come to the wrong forum.

We aren't a romance site, and we don't offer advice about relationships.

Edit to add:

I think that you are better off listening to the advice that the members on that other forum you posted this on. They do belong to a romance site and have insight into relationships.


Fakers: many, many, lots; an SSL and a couple of Resellers.
Mortar x 6
AH, AH, AH! Two little !
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