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 Lad Mathematics

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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14919
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:41 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

One Paul Smith wants money from to release a loan from the vaults of Lloyds bank.

Things have not gone smoothly as he first got mixed up and told me my lottery winnings were available, not once but twice, but a mild slap put him straight.

Here are the charges:

Quote:

12 Hours Transfer.
Wire.....................................$750.00
Vat (5%)................................$300.00
TOTAL...................................$1050.00

24 Hours Transfer.
Wire.....................................$700.00
Vat (5%)................................$250.00
TOTAL...................................$950.00

48 Hours Transfer.
Wire.......................................$650.00
Vat (5%)..................................$200.00
TOTAL.....................................$850.00

72 Hours Transfer.
Wire.........................................$550.00
Vat (5%)...................................$150.00
TOTAL.....................................$750.00


Well, for starters, 550+150 does not equal 750, but that's not the issue for me. What I wanted to know was:

Quote:

Not meaning to query your maths or anything, but since when does 5% of $550 add up to $150?
Actually all your sums are wrong. Exactly how did you get that job again?
Get back to me with the right numbers and I'll choose.


Today, new figures... and they're worse!

Quote:

12 Hours Transfer.
Wire.....................................$750.00
Vat (5%)................................$300.00
TOTAL...................................$1050.00

24 Hours Transfer.
Wire.....................................$700.00
Vat (5%)................................$850.00
TOTAL...................................$950.00

48 Hours Transfer.
Wire.......................................$650.00
Vat (5%)..................................$750.00
TOTAL.....................................$850.00

72 Hours Transfer.
Wire.........................................$550.00
Vat (5%)...................................$650.00
TOTAL.....................................$750.00


How hard a slap - or should it be honest bafflement?

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
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FiveForces
Elite Baiter


Joined: 05 Apr 2007
Posts: 1254
Location: Richville, USA (honest!)


PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:48 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Laughing Laughing Laughing

VAT for $700 at 5% = $850!

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housefly
Lad Vid Pimper


Joined: 11 May 2007
Posts: 172
Location: thin at one end, fat in the middle, and thin again at the other end


PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I would so love to run up a lad spread sheet.... or borrow the one my garage uses
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crossfire
Elite Baiter


Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 1152
Location: ten light years away


PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:57 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

hee hee, I would have the lad do it again then tell him its good and go with it Laughing

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MeadowLark
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 24 May 2007
Posts: 45
Location: The cornfields


PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:59 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Online calculator to the rescue!

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Tommo Shanter
Swiss Toni


Joined: 13 Jan 2006
Posts: 5379
Location: Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. - Euripides


PostPosted: Thu May 24, 2007 10:39 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

As an ex-auditor/accountant I see nothing wrong with those figures.

The clients we audited used to ask us "What is 2 + 2?" Our stock response was "What do you want it to be?" Happy days

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asiaguy
Elite Baiter


Joined: 14 Apr 2006
Posts: 1180
Location: Me Luv U Long Time


PostPosted: Fri May 25, 2007 9:04 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Ask for the 8,760 hour (a year from now) transfer rate.
Try to get the price down to about $1.50.

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justinv
Wannabe Baiter


Joined: 11 May 2007
Posts: 94
Location: Australia


PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 11:40 am Reply with quoteBack to top

say to him " Thats incredible. You worked that out in your head. You must have the brain of a vegetable" and see if he thanks you for the "compliment". Im guessing he is too dumb to know what that is. If im wrong, then just say "Of course im insulting you, do you even know what 5% of something is?, because when you make financial errors, you have only yourself to blame. Youve got one more chance to get it right, then I will find someone else who is not a complete moron."
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mami
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 18 Feb 2007
Posts: 657
Location: Usman Bello's Ex


PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 12:11 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Is this the quality of the African schools the UN supports?

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M1d0r1
Master Baiter


Joined: 30 May 2007
Posts: 101


PostPosted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 12:28 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Once he's corrected the calculation for 5% suggest you "remind" him of the correct VAT rate which was obviously raised in the 2007 April budget... lets say, 8.42% ... and let him re-calculate it all over again.
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justinv
Wannabe Baiter


Joined: 11 May 2007
Posts: 94
Location: Australia


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:28 am Reply with quoteBack to top

What is the lads email address, I would LOVE to get stuck into this dumbass.
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Mercury
Master Baiter


Joined: 23 Feb 2007
Posts: 157
Location: Ireland


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:07 am Reply with quoteBack to top

5% of $550.00 is $650.00? I never cease to be amazed by lad-logic...

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Join the church of today
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Foss
Master Baiter


Joined: 18 May 2007
Posts: 170
Location: Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:34 am Reply with quoteBack to top

M1d0r1 wrote:
Once he's corrected the calculation for 5% suggest you "remind" him of the correct VAT rate which was obviously raised in the 2007 April budget... lets say, 8.42% ... and let him re-calculate it all over again.


Try 17.5% for Uk, but then if this is a transaction external to the UK it could in fact be VAT free, in which case he is talking poo. Oh hang on, that's right, he is talking poo.

I say, point out that he has VAT wrong and then recalculate.

Then, once he has recalculated tell him that you need his VAT number. Which of course he'll make up, and it'll be wrong.

Then, point out that it is in fact exempt from VAT due to the nature of it, and that you are not going to pay VAT.

At least, thats what i'd do.
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Yastreb
Demented Opportunist


Joined: 04 Apr 2006
Posts: 14919
Location: Leading my wolf pack


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:39 am Reply with quoteBack to top

My last words to Mr Smith were:

Quote:
Well, nice work there, f*ckface - you just lost a customer. That's what happens when you're a f*cking asshole.
Have a really shitty day.


I guess he's open for business again, so ASEM away.

He's at [url][email protected][/url].

_________________
I will heed the advice of a polite horse for it is written that more flies are caught with honey than vinegar... although assault carbines and monstrous wolves are still fun.

"I aim to misbehave."

Asena - Pretty Rose
United Kingdom x5 Spain New Zealand Senegal Ghana x2 Benin Closed lad accounts x 180
Safari x 4 - Oyenka Chidinma - Lagos to Cotonou; Dickyboi - Lagos to Accra; Femmy - Lagos to Porto Novo; "Woody" - Accra to Singapore
Sand Timer x 7: Dufus & Abavana/Capt Joseph Annan/Victor Walla/Ohene Agyekum/James Jeffrey/Peace Akpobor & John Mensah/Tony Kalaby & Addo Gilbert

Last edited by Yastreb on Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:41 am; edited 1 time in total
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cornholio1
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 30 May 2007
Posts: 47


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 11:41 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Isnt VAT Value added tax (im from the states so pardon me on this), tell him you dont see any value in his services and the VAT should be waived.

_________________
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It's not durprise but disappointing for to have sent robish to represent your ownself as id.

You made me to wast my energy and tim , resource to be dealing with one who is not serious. (An eater's mission)

i hope you are not this 419 pple. [email protected] [email protected]
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Foss
Master Baiter


Joined: 18 May 2007
Posts: 170
Location: Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 4:09 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Yep, you're right. I think a better idea would be to get the guy to list in detail the value that he added, because without it you will not be able to claim and tax deductions. You could even make up a fake form.
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BRUIN
Inside Man


Joined: 10 Apr 2006
Posts: 8546
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 4:46 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Folks - Be careful! Try not to educate the mugu! One of the goals is to "de-educate".

Bruin

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Ethian
Master Baiter


Joined: 07 Aug 2006
Posts: 145
Location: The place i live in


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:10 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Then tell him his other data is off Wink Ladhematics will always be flaky, and i'm glad they prefer mailing over learning

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arranblonde
Master Baiter


Joined: 02 Oct 2005
Posts: 115
Location: the front room


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2007 8:17 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I'm with BRUIN .... the lad has it totally right. Well done and spot on- wrong the first time, better the second. How clever he is ...
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