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 Fending off cold callers

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Tommo Shanter
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Joined: 13 Jan 2006
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Location: Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. - Euripides


PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 1:37 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Some bloke just came to my door in anticipation of selling me something or other.

He says "Are you the homeowner?" Knowing he's probably trying to flog some sort of shite that will probably cost me shed loads of money, I reply "No. I'm renting" [I am not]

"Sorry to trouble you". And off he toddles. Result. Laughing Laughing

Ain't baiting briiiilliant.

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mrsbean
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 1:41 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I probably would have replied "No, I'm the burglar."

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jefflebowski
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Joined: 23 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 1:42 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I remember doing a similar thing with a phone call trying to sell me a conservatory, I actually spent ten minutes talking to her and made an appointment for her to come round.





At the time I lived in a first floor flat Laughing Laughing Laughing



Funny how I never got a knock on my door!
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Tommo Shanter
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Joined: 13 Jan 2006
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Location: Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. - Euripides


PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 1:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The rogue builders are the best They usually point at my roof line and tut a lot. I point at the bats and tell the man that the bats they are quite happy living in there. They then bugger off. The builders I mean, not the bats, because they are a protected species.

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"i see your not interested in the transaction but catching your fun, calling names and my muckery of me." - Usman Bello
"You need to visit a good psychiatrist very fast, because some nuts are missing from your brain." - PROF.SOLUDO
"...it is very important you forward the your cycling proficiency certificate which by right belongs to you." - Prof Charles Soludo.
"note i can still change my mind to blow you off and whenever" - T0ny 'The Killerman' Erik
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Corona
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 1:50 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I once told a phone sollicitor that I was the mistress and talked for 10mins. about what I did with the Mister. Razz

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Pachanga
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 2:14 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

My cousin tells the caller to hold on a second because he has a terrible gastric problem. He then makes barfing and other terrible gastric-distress-type noises. He gets back on the phone and says he has a mess to clean up, and would the caller ring him again in a few minutes. Few are stupid enough to do so. Laughing

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Dionysius
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 2:50 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Financial cold callers - I ask them if the can help me defraud their company or I let them slowly drag my 'financial history' out of me. It goes from being turned down for loans, to I have some court judgements against me, eventually they 'find out' that they were not county court judgements for debt but a crown court conviction for fraud.

The builders get asked all sorts of questions about body disposal underneath the patio.

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Roycropper
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 3:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I wont get into religion, promise, or tell you what i said to them, but the Mormons now make a point of calling at every house on our street except mine. Razz

I once told a debt collector that I was my own son, and that 'Dad' had run off to Florida with a floosie. I never heard from them again.

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Fat Old Catt
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 3:50 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I always get calls from people at the Chase bank asking me about upgrading my credit card to some special platinum account or whatever the hell they're peddling this week. They always, for some reason, have people call me who barely speak a word of English and can't even pronounce my last name (admittedly, many English speakers can't pronounce my last name either, but still, these people do it so much worse, because they forgot to put in the hyphen when they were printing my name on the card), and I have a lot of fun stringing them along for a while, telling them I can barely make out a word they're saying (which is true), and asking them to repeat themselves, not really listening, and then finally, when I have to go, just abruptly hanging up.

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BRUIN
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Joined: 10 Apr 2006
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 3:51 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

My normal technique for telephone marketers is to respond "No English - No English -then launch into a babble of mixed Spanish, Russian, and made-up gibberish. It usually gets rid of them quickly.

Bruin
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Luther Blissett
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Joined: 06 Sep 2005
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Location: Watford, Middle East


PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 6:47 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I just had one of those financial cold callers the other day. I told them that they have their details wrong and that my name is really Usman Bello - the lady said, okay, she'll update her files. I then asked whether she could send me some info in writing - I'm waiting to get an envelope & letter addressed to Usman Bello Wink

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Chipmunk
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 7:13 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Chipmunk (on the phone) just keeps yelling "Hello! Hello!" until they hang up.

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kleindoofy
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 7:30 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

In Germany it is now against the law to advertise products on the phone in the "cold call" fashion. I still get calls, but the callers have to say that they are "informing me" of something or some such legally defined choice of words.

So, I always say "come on, cut the bull, you're trying to sell me something." They, of course, say "no, I'm not." So I say "yes you are." They say "no, I'm not." I say "yes you are."

I then say "listen, if you're not going to be honest with me, I won't talk to you - so admit it: you're trying to sell me something." Many of them cave in and say "ok, yes, I'm trying to sell you something."

I then inform them that they have just confessed to a crime and ask their name. This is where they hang up. Laughing
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Gnasher
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 10:27 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

When I really was a tenant I told all the cold callers this fact and they all instantly backed off. Sweet. I use it to this day and it still works every time.

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Saint Arnold
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2007 11:27 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

People don't go door to door selling stuff here in Texas. One of the many advantages of the local gun control laws (or lack thereof).

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PRNDL
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 12:33 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Telemarketers have slowly quit calling my phone numbers. My phones are listed under a made-up unpronounceable name so when they falter with the name I know they need their time wasted.
I'm always interested and will try to keep them talking and answering product questions for at least 15 minutes, then someone is at the door, or 'oh my God' I left something on the stove, or the dog need out.
I'll be right back.
Then I lay the phone down and go back to what I was doing. They will eventually hang up. Once one called back later and said I was rude to not come back to the phone. I just told him that was the way I played with telemarketers... "Hold on someone is at the door." He got it twice.

And always, always "I didn't make this call so I can say whatever I want, yes connect me to a supervisor please!"

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Eliza_Doolittle
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 12:37 am Reply with quoteBack to top

You should have said - NO - I am an investigator - the homeowner has been murdered. May I ask how you know him and where you were approximately 1 hour ago?

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battery
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 4:15 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Here companies call direct rather than using cold call service centres, which leaves them very vunerable to the following attack -

I tell cold callers (I think I've told this story before) that I'm very interested in x and can they give me a name and mobile/office number so that I can get back to them personally...

Then I make a list of the names/numbers, which I in turn distribute to other cold callers when they ask me for my name and number. It's pretty lame, but it does seem to reduce the volume of cold calls I receive. I think I'm black listed or something.

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Fat Old Catt
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Location: Basking on a sunlit patio


PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 6:24 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I just Googled "fun with telemarketers" and found several entire sites devoted to stories of how to annoy and frustrate a telemarketer. Unfortunately, none of them take long enough to really keep them hooked long enough to keep them out of the hair of someone else, but there are a couple that take long enough to make it worthwhile.

As mentioned before, the trick of saying "hold on a second," putting the phone down and not checking back for another hour works great (although you shouldn't really do that if you're expecting an important call from someone you actually want to hear from relatively soon).

Tom Mabe, on the other hand, tried this little stunt. (NSFW!!!)

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eamonn
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 8:10 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I love getting these calls, I'm always up for a bit of fun.
Last night I got one from a distinctly foreign sounding bloke claiming to be "gary" from <nameless company>. I asked him where he was and he finalyy admitted to being in India. I told him "Great, I love india" he then said "but we are based in the UK" so I told him "Oh sorry, I never deal with UK companies, only Indians"

I now try to make it my mission to get them to hang up on me and last week I got the regular (like twice a month) call from Anglian Home Improvement and I decided on a new tack; the girl sounded quite young so I though I would spare her the "I'll kill your rep and eat him" story and instead decided to sweet talk her. Every question she asked, I turned round and asked her if she though it would look good, then kept telling her she sounded so cute and would she meet me. I think she twigged because she was laughing (especially when I said "I'm very well-hung though, it would be quite an honour"). She finally said she was flattered but had a boyfriend so I told her to bring him along to watch. She said "I gotta go" and hung up.

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spot
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 9:18 am Reply with quoteBack to top

@ Fat Old Catt.

That audio clip was absolutely mint !!

Laughing Laughing Laughing Laughing

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jamarse
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 9:48 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Phone cold caller: Would you be interested in finding out more about a conservitory!
ME No thanks, I always vote BNP
Phone cold caller: Oh, Double glazing?
ME Is it Brick and bullet Proof?
they hung up

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Nanny Ogg
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Joined: 19 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 2:01 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

In the UK you can register with the telephone preference service
link



In the past I've let my young daughter tell them all about her new My Little Pony, told them my husband has ran of with the milkman and left us peniless or stuck the phone in the oven . I found it to be a good idea to make sure the oven is switched off first.

Callers at the door get told I just dont do business on my doorstep.
Most accept this, except one rather drunk guy who started mouthing off at me. He shut up when my son came to see what was going on ( he's about 6ft 6ins, broad, rather hairy and has a scowl to peel paint with, ahh but such a wee gentle lamb really. Think Cpt Carrott )
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it wasn't me
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 2:24 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Years ago, when times were hard and jobs were scarce, I worked at a 'cold calling' place.
I got sacked after 2 weeks because I kept apologizing to every one I called and said 'I know you must hate this, so please feel free to tell me to sod off!"
They did. Crying or Very sad

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Tsnerd
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PostPosted: Wed May 02, 2007 2:36 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I get these a lot at work.

One of my favorite things to do is pretend interest and ask them to wait while I transfer them back to my office phone. Then I transfer the call to the fax.

Occasionally one will call right back after experiencing the fax warble screech from hell.

None have ever gone for a third attempt.

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