The Monkey Man Letters

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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:41 am

*******COFFEE ALERT**********

The monkey-man letters

The Players
Monkey Man - Mr Bob Manlee (Blue)
Barney Gumble - Me (Green)
Big Kev - Me (Green)
Mr Freely - Me (Green)
Max Payne - (Me) Monkey breeder and raconteur (Red)
Big Evil Bad - (Me) Mr Manlee's evil father (Olive)

Bob Manlee

Hello and good day Mr. Freely I was told by my friend Tim that you where a
god and nice man.
I need you to help me to stop evil dad from stealing my monkey I will give
you $5000 if you help me

Please help me Mr.Freely

BarneyGumble

Please tell me about your monkey.

Bob manlee
I have a lot of monkey and big evil dad is going to steal my monkey because
i have more than him i have a lot of monkey and he not have lot. i neeed
your help to stop me big evil dad form stealing me monkey.
Please help Mr.Freely i was told you are god and nice man by my friend.

BarneyGumble

Who is your friend and why do you think that I would be interested
in helping you save your monkey????????

Bob Manlee

Heello Big Kev me friend is tom he said you are good and nice man and you
will help me got me monkey back.I will give you $5000 when help me. i need
to get me monkey back so i can buy food for me mum and sister but not me
evil dad.Please help me Mr.Freely i need get monkey back need food.

Bob Manllee

PLEASE HELP ME MONKEY BACK FROM ME EVIL DAD INEED TO FEED ME MUM AND SISTR.
PLEASEHELP ME GET ME MONEY BACK I EILL GIVE YOU $8000 NOW IF YOU HELP ME.
PLEASE DON"T TELL ME EVIL THIS EMAIL.

Bob Manllee

HELP ME I NEED MY MONKEY BACK I NEED TO BUY FOOD ME EVIL DAD IS BUYING FOOD
NOW WITH ME MONKEY I NEED FOOD PLEASES HELP ME GOT ME MONKEY BACK I WILL
GIVE YOU $9500 IF YOU HELP GOT ME MONKEY BACK FOR ME

Max Payne

Hello Mr.Bob Manlee I heard about your monkey trouble from my good
friend Mr. Freely.
I think I can help you I run a Monkey farm and I will sell you a
new monkey for only $2000.

Regards
Max Payne.

Bob Manlee

Y YOU TELL MR.MAX PAYNE THAT I WILL NO BUY A NEW MONKEY I NEED ME MONKEY TO BUY
FOOD FOR ME MUM AND SISER I NOT NEED NEW MONKEY I NEED ME MONKEY ME EVIL
DAD IS BUYING FOOD ME MONKEY NOW
I NEED ME MONKEY I NEE ME MONKEY I NEED ME MONKY I NEED ME MONKEY I NEED ME
ONKEY I NEED ME MONKEY I NEED ME MONKEY I NEED ME MONKEY I NEED ME MONKEY I
NEED ME MNKEY I NEED E MONKEY I NEEED ME MONKEY I NEED ME MONKEY I NED ME
MONKEY

BarneyGumble

I have a friend who runs a circus. He needs a monkey to walk along
a tight rope and wear a pirate suit. Does your monkey know how to
perform tricks and can he walk along a tight rope. If your monkey
can do these things he will pay you $2,000 to buy your monkey.

Bob Manlee

HELLO MR.FREELY Y FOOL ME NOT HAVE MONKEY ME EVIL DAD DO ME NEED MONKY SO ME
BUY FOOD ME NEED ME BACK NEED FOOD HELP GOT ME MONKEY BACK ME GIVE $10000 IF
HELP ME GOT ME MONKEY

BarneyGumble

Dear Mr Manlee,

let me get this absolutely right. You do not wish to sell a monkey,
you do not wish to buy a monkey but you will give me $10,000 if I
get your monkey back from your evil dad so you can buy food.

If you have the $10,000 then why not just use that to buy
food?????? $10,000 is a lot of money.

Bob Manlee

ME NOT HAVE $10000 ME MONKEY HAVE MONKEY IS A MONKEY GOT MONEY AND FOOD WHEN
YOU HELP YOU GOT $10000 FROM ME MONKEY MONKEY GOT MONEY

BarneyGumble

Dear Mr Manlee

May I make a suggestion to you. Perhaps if you got your monkey to
type your emails they might make more sense. If your monkey is
unable to type perhaps you should find yourself a grown-up to type
them.

Only a friendly suggestion but at the moment you appear to have the
intelligence of a cabbage.

Bob Manlee

ME NOT HAAVE MONKEY BACK ME NOT GET MONKEY TO TYPE EVIL DAD HAVE HIM ME NOT
DUM ME WHIT YO SHCOOL ME GROWNUP ME 22 ME NEED ME MONKEY MR. FREELY ME EVIL
DAD IS BUYIN FOOD ME MONKEY HELPME I NEED ME MONKEY

BarneyGumble

Dear Mr Manlee,

Please bear with me. I think that a break-through is about to
occur. Your evil Dad has stolen your monkey and you want your
monkey back. The thing that I have having difficulty with is
believing that you are a grown-up and actually went to school. I
agree that you may not be dumb, but by comparison the average
turnip is a an absolute fountain of wisdom.

Exactly what do you want me to do to help recover your monkey???

Big Kev

Max Payne

Hello Mr.Bob Manlee I heard you are not going buy one of monkeys
why not?
My monkeys can perform tricks that will make you LOTS OF money
andthay are only $2000 please buy one of my monkeys Mr.Bob Manlee

Regrads
Max Payne.

Bob Manlee

TELL MR. MAX PAYNE THAT HIM FOOL AND HIS MONKEYS ARE SHIT.
YOU CAN HELP ME SEND ME YOU $1000 WESTERN UNION SO ME GOT ME MONKEY BACK

BarneyGumble

Dear Mr Manley

Mr Payne's monkey are excellent and I have bought several of them
for my children as pets. Also he sells many to Chinese resturants.

I knew that we were about to make a major break-through. What you
want is for me to send you $1,000 via Western Union. Is this what
want?????????

Big Kev

Bob Manlee

TELL MR.MAX PAYNE THAT HE MONKEYS ARE SHIT.
YESSEND ME $1000 WESTENR UNOIN AND ME SEND YOU $10000 WHEN I GOT
ME MONKEY
FORM ME EVIL DAD

BarneyGumble

Dear Mr Manlee,

Finally we understand each other. I am to send you $1,000 and you
will then get your monkey back from your evil dad. When this is
achieved you will send me $10,000. This is a very good deal for me
so I am happy to help.

Please tell me the name you want on the WU transfer and where I
should send it to.

Bob Manlee

TES YOU PAY ME WESTEN UNION $1000 AND YOU GOT $10000 AND I GOT ME MONKEY
BACK EVIL DAD ME NAME IS MAAMUNI GOREDEMA SEND ME WESTEN UNION $1000 FOR ME
MONKEY AND YPU GOT $10000 FROM ME MONKEY PLEASE SEND ME WESTEN UNION MR.
BIG KEV

BarneyGumble

Me your dad y u tell big kev that I evil and steal your monkey. I no steal
monkey and I good dad to you and sister and mum. If u keep telling lies bout
me I turn your monkey into monkey stew yum yum

Mr Big Kev dis is verrrrry bad boy u no give him $1,000 he only trying to
steal off you. U god man don't let im fool u into giving him money at WU.

Bob Manlee

WAY YOU TELL ME EVIL YOU BIG FOOL I NEED ME MONKERY ME EVILL DADD ISS
LINEING ME GOOD MAN I HATE YOU BIG JEV I NEED FOOD ME I NEED MONKEY FOR FOOD
HELP NOT BID EVIL DAD

BarneyGumble

Dear Mr Manlee,

I not tell your evil dad. It that bastard Max Payne, he very upset
you call im fool and say his monkeys is shits.

Bob Manlee

I HATE MR.MAX PAYNE

Bob Manlee

I HATE YOU TOO MR. BIG KEV THE Nigerian FOOL I NEED MONKEY INEED $1000
TO GOT ME MONKEY

BarneyGumble

Dear Mr Manlee

I am very sorry to hear this. I was going to send u money $750
because I give Mr Max Payne $250 because u make him very angry.

U dad seems very evil as he want to make monkey stew out of u
monkey. But he still u dad so like bible says u should respect him.
U seem like sincere bro so u say very sorry to me I will make the
WU transfer to u if u not truly sorry then no $750.

Bob Manlee

GO HELL YOU FOOL AND PUT WESERN UION UP YOU BUM YOU FOOL I HATE YOU AND I
HATE MR.MAX PAYNE GO TO HELL

BarneyGumble

If that is what u want i am happy to keep money. I hope u evil dad
turns u monkey into monkey stew.

I will spend the $750 in big party wid lots of girls and much
johnny walker black much fun times. Mr Max Payne can keep the $250.

U DA BIG FOOL NOW

Bob Manlee

HELLO FOOL ME TO HIPE ME EVIL DAD TURN ME MONKEY IN STEW ME EAT TODAY YOU
AND MR.MAX PAYNE ARE BIG FAT FOOL BUM HOLE ASS SHIT HEAD AND MR.MAX PAYNE
YOU MONKEYS SUCK FOOL

BarneyGumble

Dear Mr Manlee

Just to show u no bad feelings here is how to make monkey stew yum
yum. We have monkey stew at party.

Monkey Stew
Monkey Stew is a traditional African stew from the Congo river
area.

What you need
two to three pounds monkey meat, cut into large bite-sized pieces
juice of one lemon, or juice of one-half grapefruit
salt to taste
minced chile pepper, or ground cayenne pepper or red pepper (to
taste)
two tablespoons palm oil, or peanut oil or vegetable oil
two onions, chopped
six to eight ripe tomatoes, chopped (or canned tomatoes)
greens (such as spinach, collards, kale, or similar); washed and
cut into pieces (optional)
one cup of moamb� or nyembwe sauce, or palm butter (or canned palm
soup base, also called "sauce graine" or "noix de palme") -- or --
peanut butter

What you do
Mix together the meat, juice, salt, and hot pepper. Allow to
marinate for a half hour or more.
Heat the oil in a dutch oven or large pot. Add the onions, and cook
for a few minutes. Add the meat and cook until it is browned.
Add the tomatoes and a few cups of water. Reduce heat.
Add the palm nut sauce (or canned palm soup base), or peanut
butter, if desired. Add greens (if desired). Cover and simmer on
low heat until meat is tender, about an hour.

Big KEV

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 9:17 am

That bought a tear to my eye. No really, I have a bad throat at the moment, I actually cried from the pain. The missus was looking for something heavy to clobber me with to shut me up (she's watching "Without a Trace").

Really well done mate.

Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 9:44 am

I was waiting for him to say, "SHOW ME THE MONKEY!" Laughing

Master Baiter Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 176

I am going to have a nightmare about monkeys Shocked