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 Will they REALLY respond to anything?

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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Thu Jun 17, 2004 8:56 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This guy is a real knob...

Quote:
Dear Brother,
Thank you for your mail.Please do tall me more about yourself and your faith.I want you to send tome as a matter of urgency your full names and address to enable the probate lawyer that I will contact prepare the papers of probate for you.I would have prefared doing this transaction between you and I but if you still want to tell your superior fine.I await to hear from you soon
Regards
Abba


Sure; I'll be happy to fill him in...
Smile
Quote:
Dear Brother Abba,

I appreciate your interest in our church and your willingness to do business with us. In our area there are many Mormons who consider us freaks, and our Pennsylvania sect has been threatened with Amish Jihad. If you are serious about doing business with us, we may like to open a branch of our church in your homeland.

I understand your desire to keep this deal secret between you and me, but the truth is that I have no money of my own. We live a life of poverty, giving all of our earthly possessions to the Church. For as it is written in the Book of Aqualung, Hymn 43:

Our father high in heaven-smile down upon your son.
who's busy with his money games - his woman and his gun.
Oh Jesus save me!

You see, we are forbidden to have money, women and guns...all money belongs to the Church and is to be used to do God's work. Accordingly, all money must be deposited into the account of the Church, and must have the approval of a Priest (titled "Father") or above. But do not worry; you can trust Father Guido.

I have only told two people (actually, wrote them notes, because we cannot speak) about this transaction: Father Guido, and Brother Ted. Brother Ted is our Keeper of Records. I* am the Communications Director, which is why it is my email address you contacted.

Here is the information you requested, with our full names and titles:

Brother Hannibal Lecter, Communications Director
Father Guido Sarducci, High Priest
Brother Ted Kaczynski, Keeper of Records
Church of the Holy Walrus
66 Abbey Road
Lincoln, Montana 59639

We are so excited about this money you wrote us about that Father Guido almost talked! But I honestly do not know if you will want to work with us; we have strict rules about people we deal with. They do not have to belong to our church, but they have to abide by certain rules.

Please also bear in mind that we live in a very rural area with no running water and are located miles from the nearest town. It takes us a long time to receive mail, so email is the preferred method of communication.

I await your next communication, Brother Abba.

I am the eggman,
They are the eggmen,
I am the Walrus
Goo goo g'joob

Brother Hannibal Lecter
Church of the Holy Walrus

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Whiplash
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PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 2:00 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Amish Jihad


That was as far as I got before my side split in two.

ROFL Shocked Very Happy
Dive Fox
Baiting Regular


Joined: 16 Jun 2004
Posts: 30
Location: The Internet!


PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 10:52 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I just sent a new lad this one:
Quote:
I have read your proposal and find it intriguing. Where is my burrito? I will be more than happy to help you with the modalities of this transaction. It is in the microwave. Let me know anything I can do to help you.


I wonder if he will ask about the burrito.

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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 12:49 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

This guy can't possibly be reading anything I'm sending. Today I get an obvious form letter:

Quote:
Dear Friend,

I am sending you the application form which you are expected to
complete and send to the bank so that they can proceed
immediately with the transfer.

Below is the sample of the application that you will send to the bank, send it to the bank immediately and call me on the telephone to confirm that you have sent it or send to me an e-mail to confirm you have sent it. Do not alert your bank that you are expecting
such a huge amount, until I tell you to do so. Send the application to the Bank's email address immediately, [email protected]



The Head,
Foreign Remmittance Office
African Developement Bank
ADB Building Santos Plaza,
Johannesburg,
Republic of South Africa.
Fax:00871762534676
E-mail: [email protected]

RELEASE OF FIFTY-FIVE MILLION,SIX HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS($55,600,000.00) ONLY ON ACCOUNT NUMBER 1 4 - 2 2 5 / u t b / t OF MR SEAN BUNKE.

I hereby humbly request for the telegraphic transfer of the sum of Fifty Five Million,Six Hundred Thousand United States Dollars($55,600,000.00) held on account number 14 - 2 2 5 / u t b / t of Mr.Sean Bunke . And for this sum to be transferred in favour of the account quoted below.

(PLEASE ENTER YOUR BANK DETAILS HERE)
NAME OF BANK:
ACCOUNT NUMBER:
ADDRESS OF BANK:
SWIFT NUMBER:

This request is predicated on the fact that since the death of my cousin , Mr.Sean Bunke ,we the beleaved members of the family have been facing unimaginable trauma due to his demise and we have resolved to immortalise him with what amount is left in his account to achieve his lifelong desire of caring for the needy by donating to charity and humanity. Hence the imperative of this transfer.

I should be very grateful if this request meets with your
favourable consideration .

Thanks

Yours faithfully,

(PLEASE ENTER YOUR FULL NAME,ADDRESS, TELEPHONE AND
FAX NUMBERS)

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 1:27 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Brother Hannibal, naturally, is concerned, as you can see by this email with the subject line "SOS" (hopefully Abba will understand)...

Quote:
Brother Abba,

I received your email and very much want to get this money for the church, but I am concerned. The application asks for a "Swift Number," and I don't know what that is. I don't want to make a mistake, and I am not a banker or businessman like you; I am a simple man of God. Please tell me what this is, and I will have Brother Ted complete the form.

Also, the form asks for my phone and fax numbers. As I told you, we have no telephone here at the monastery; will this bank even do business with such a simple group as us? Take a chance on me, Brother Abba. Knowing me, knowing you, we can get this done. I will say the Prayer of the Holy Walrus six times for guidance, and Father Guido will say "Mamma Mia."

Bless you!

Goo goo g'joob,

Brother Hannibal Lecter

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 2:29 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

So I got this reply...immediately, I might add...

Quote:
Dear Brother,
If you do not know the swift number of your bank do not wory just completye the application and send it to the bank.The swift is a foreign transaction number so I do not expect that you know it
Complete the application and mail it so far it has the name of your bank with address of the bank and your account number.
Regards
Abba


Well, I sure don't want the church to miss out on all that money! I'd better do as he says:

Quote:
The Head,
Foreign Remmittance Office
African Developement Bank
ADB Building Santos Plaza,
Johannesburg,
Republic of South Africa.
Fax:00871762534676
E-mail: [email protected]

RELEASE OF FIFTY-FIVE MILLION,SIX HUNDRED UNITED STATES DOLLARS($55,600,000.00) ONLY ON ACCOUNT NUMBER 1 4 - 2 2 5 / u t b / t OF MR SEAN BUNKE.

I hereby humbly request for the telegraphic transfer of the sum of Fifty Five Million,Six Hundred Thousand United States Dollars($55,600,000.00) held on account number 14 - 2 2 5 / u t b / t of Mr.Sean Bunke . And for this sum to be transferred in favour of the account quoted below.


NAME OF BANK: Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 867-5309
ADDRESS OF BANK: 15 Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills, CA 90210

This request is predicated on the fact that since the death of my cousin , Mr.Sean Bunke ,we the beleaved members of the family have been facing unimaginable trauma due to his demise and we have resolved to immortalise him with what amount is left in his account to achieve his lifelong desire of caring for the needy by donating to charity and humanity. Hence the imperative of this transfer.

I should be very grateful if this request meets with your
favourable consideration .

Thanks

Yours faithfully,

Brother Hannibal Lecter
Church of the Holy Walrus
66 Abbey Road
Lincoln, Montana 59639


And now to let Abba know that all is well...

Quote:
Brother Abba,

I sent it. Now what do I have to do? Will they send you notification, or was I supposed to copy you on the email? I know this is secret, so I wasn't sure if I should "cc" you on the email.

Thanks, and God Bless.

Goo goo g'joob,

Brother Hannibal

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 2:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Boy, this guy is really biting. I don't think I've ever had such quick response!

Quote:
Dear friend,
Thank you very much.As soon as you hear from the bank please do contact me so that I can advise you on what to do.
Regards
Abba



Quote:
Brother Abba,
I have been praying for this opportunity for a long. long time. Do you have any idea what kind of good the church can do with this kind of money? I have a little bit of guilt, though.
You and I both know this Mr. Bunke was not my next of kin. Isn't this sort of like lying or stealing? Father Guido wrote me and said that no one would have claimed the money anyway, so the church may as well use it to help us spread the Word of the Holy Walrus and protect us from the persecution of the Mormons, who tempt us with their women although they know we are not allowed their flesh.
I trust Father Guido, but all the same, I wanted to know if you think it would be possible for us to establish a mission in Africa. Where are you located? And if you don't mind my asking, what faith do you follow? Father Guido is rather strict about the people with whom we do business, and has asked me if I thought you could possibly be "one of us." He says your name, "ABBA," is a sign from God that you, like the Dancing Queen of Sweden, are willing to help the Walrus.
Thank you for your guidance, ABBA. Save Me.
Goo goo g'joob,
Brother Hannibal

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 3:00 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Good work Sudsman, you're fit to be an inhabitant of Dogland where absurdity reigns supreme. I hope you make him do something very degrading to prove his faith. Your bait has a surrealist edge to it where conventional norms break down and language means nothing. The lad is playing along because he doesn't know WTF and is hoping for a payday. But faith is more than a payday; faith is a red breast or a sign or inspecting one's bowels and reporting back to Dr. Keller.

An act of faith is needed: He has to believe before he can receive. And his belief has to take the form of action. It looks like you have teed him up splendidly for whatever amusing act of faith you have in store! Maybe it could involve covering himself in actual soap suds on his semi or totally naked body so that he will be a real sudsman.

The "bath of suds" could be the cleansing of baptism. Well, it would make for a great picture!
Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 3:11 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Thanks, J. Dog...I am humbled.

Believe me, degrading is exactly what I have in mind; however, I'm stringing him along slowly. I think I may have tried to set the hook prematurely in some of my other baits by asking for trophies too early in the process.

Funny how my previous "serious" baits as Dr. Lecter and Jed Clampett/Ron Jeremy have come up short, while the most absurd one (the lyrics to "I Am the Walrus," for Chrissakes) seems to have the guy eating out of my hand.

I think we're dealing with a very, VERY dim mugu...

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Dive Fox
Baiting Regular


Joined: 16 Jun 2004
Posts: 30
Location: The Internet!


PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 3:24 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Maybe he's a Beatles fan.

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Lew_Skannen
Baiting Guru


Joined: 26 Oct 2003
Posts: 2084
Location: Sydney, OZ


PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 3:29 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

These guys usually have prepared responses for the first two mails. They don't even read them until they get to about stage 3.

_________________
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I am tired intaracting with people like you well i will see if your request will be granted.
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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Fri Jun 18, 2004 9:44 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Well, I have heard nothing since my last missive, so I'll leave him with a little something for the weekend...

Quote:
Brother Abba,

I have not heard back yet from the bank regarding my application. Do you think they will avoid doing business with us because we do not use telephones?

I hope I did not offend you by questioning the legality or morality of this transaction. It's just that I am a man of God who wants to do everything right in the name of the Carpenter and the Walrus. Father Guido has reassured me that everything is OK and the Church will do much good with these millions of dollars that otherwise would have gone unclaimed. He said Mr. Bunke would have wanted it that way.

Well, I must retreat for the weekend; I cannot do business on the Sabbath, and the Walrus insists that Saturdays be set aside for pleasure. He is much like the Buddha in that respect. Brother Ted and I have brewed quite a ferocious batch of ale for the weekend which we will drink in his honour. When one cannot have women, one must find fun elsewhere.

I think you would like our faith, Brother Abba. I look forward to hearing from you on Monday. As it is written in the Book of Jethro,

And the graven image you - know - who -
with His plastic crucifix -
he's got him fixed -
confuses me as to who and where and why -
as to how he gets his kicks.
Confessing to the endless sin -
the endless whining sounds.
You'll be praying till next Thursday to
all the gods that you can count.

Goo goo g'joob,

Brother Hannibal Lecter
Church of the Holy Walrus

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Dive Fox
Baiting Regular


Joined: 16 Jun 2004
Posts: 30
Location: The Internet!


PostPosted: Sat Jun 19, 2004 2:19 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Dive Fox wrote:
I wonder if he will ask about the burrito.


This lad just replied.

A lad from Lagos wrote:
Dear Arnold,
We have recivede your email.Though it sounds kind of complicated as we didn't
quite understand its content.


So I guess they did read it.

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DrWho
Baiting Guru


Joined: 14 Jan 2004
Posts: 5486
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 19, 2004 11:14 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

The dangers of generalizing.

_________________
"i think you people do not know whom you are talking of,i am not in any terrorist organization or planning any such of terrorist activities."
"i am not a terrorist and your america cia cna also investigate me."
"i am not a terrorist.send the shit stuff and let me get it fillied."

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Big Dane
Master Baiter


Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 197
Location: Denmark


PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 9:13 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I just made a small test. In my mugu-trap I found this:

Quote:
Good day,

I am Vincent Arap Moi, the son of the former president
Of Kenya Mr. Daniel Arap Moi. I came to know you in the
Course of my search for a reliable and GOD fearing
Person. I decided to contact you because I believe you
Are a reputable & God fearing person that can help me
And my mother from our present predicament.
I count on your integrity and honesty to be able to
Handle this Business. My father, Mr.Arap Moi, was the
Former president of Kenya, In East Africa, during his
Reign as the president, he had so many Monetary
Dealing with a lot of European companies in my country
And out side my country, and he uses these companies
As a means of transferring funds to foreign accounts
In Europe America and Asia, all these funds where
Gotten from the sales of Gold and Diamonds, amongst
The companies he registered was GOLDENBERG COMPANY,
Which he uses as front for funds deposit, he made a
Transfer of 76,000,000.00 (Seventy Six Million
American Hard Currency) to this company which never
Existed, the said company has since been declared
Bankruptcy and liquidate, and the said funds has been
Deposited with a security company in Europe where it
Is kept from for safekeeping.

For more information you can visit these website:
(1) http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3338023.stm
(2)http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/3025878.stm%

And as the only child of my mother who is the 6th wife
To my father the president, he has given us our
Own share. The money is kept in trunk boxes and was
Registered as precious substances, thus there is
Nobody that knows that it is money that is in the box.
All the documents with which the money was deposited
Is with us (my mother and I) I am looking for somebody
That is capable and willing to help us receive the two boxes of money
on Behalf of my mother and I, from the security company.
We need a trust worthy person that will
Help us to invest this money in his country and take
Us as one family and will also buy A house for us over
There where we can live safely and we are ready to compensate you as
soon as this money get to you.

We are expecting to hear from you. Please contact me if you think you
can assist us. Thanks for your anticipated co-operation, please
Include your Telephone number and fax number in your
Reply.

Best Regards
Vincent Arap Moi

"This message may contain confidential and/or
Privileged information. If you are not the addressee
Or authorized person to receive this message you must
Not use, copy, disclose or take any action based on
This message or any information herein. If you have
Received this message in error, please advise the
Sender immediately by replying the e-mail and deleting
This message. Thank you for your cooperation"


To this i answered:

Quote:
What?


And now I got this answer back:

Quote:
Dear John,

Thank you for your and if you understan my mail you will see that I realyy need your help and if you can help me you will be well compensated at the end of the transaction and beside the money will have to be with you till I have come down to your country for investment.

Thank you and I hope hear from you also if you dont mind and feel you cam help me you can send me your telephone and fax numbers so I can call you as soon as I got them and we can talk so as to explain to you properly all about it ok.

Thank you till I hear from you again.

Vincent Arap Moi.


I suppose this is a way of keeping them occupied Rolling Eyes

_________________
Denmark - Denmark
It really gives me the pleasure to write you this pathetic and emotional heart bleeding mail which i know will come to you as a surprise even though we hardly know each other personally.
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Lew_Skannen
Baiting Guru


Joined: 26 Oct 2003
Posts: 2084
Location: Sydney, OZ


PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 9:23 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Ask him what an 'American hard currency' is and how many you get for the dollar. I mean a shrewd operator like you wants to make sure he isn't going to get ripped off.

_________________
Safari Safari Safari Mortar
VV|_|><fer - Uniting mugus with modalities
I am tired intaracting with people like you well i will see if your request will be granted.
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Big Dane
Master Baiter


Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 197
Location: Denmark


PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 9:34 am Reply with quoteBack to top

I will keep that for tomorrow, I just send todays answer to him, it was:

Quote:
But how?


You see, I'm a man of few words.

_________________
Denmark - Denmark
It really gives me the pleasure to write you this pathetic and emotional heart bleeding mail which i know will come to you as a surprise even though we hardly know each other personally.
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nevertrustahippy
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 18 Feb 2004
Posts: 52
Location: New Zealand


PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 10:05 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Sudsman wrote:

Funny how my previous "serious" baits as Dr. Lecter and Jed Clampett/Ron Jeremy have come up short, while the most absurd one (the lyrics to "I Am the Walrus," for Chrissakes) seems to have the guy eating out of my hand.

I think we're dealing with a very, VERY dim mugu...


I've got to 2nd reply (identical to yours, of course) with this mugu. PM me your progress.

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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 12:58 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Well, here's the progress:

Quote:
Dr.Abba Gana" <[email protected]> wrote:
Dear Brother,
Thank you very much for your understanding.If you did not hear from the bank by monday please do send a reminder.
Have a pleasant weekend
Abba


I also heard from the "bank," and copied their email in my response to Abba:

Quote:
Brother Abba,

I got an email over the weekend from the bank; I didn't get it until just this morning when I finished my prayers. Here is what they wrote:

(Yes, this email really did come from the ďbankĒ...)

"Sir,

We acknowledge receipt of your application, requesting for the telegraphic transfer for the total sum of US$55, 600,000 (Fifty-Five Million, Six Hundred Thousand United States Dollars)only, from the account name, Burke Sean, Account number, 14-255-2004/utb/t into your overseas account stated in your application.

We are currently going through your claims and will be getting back to you shortly.

Thank you for banking with African development Bank (ADB).

Yours Faithfully,

Susan Makebe Okoto (Mrs)
Head Foreign Remittance Office."

I sure hope we are approved, Brother Abba. You don't think they will find out that I'm not really related to the deceased, do you? I would hate to get in trouble, and the church could really use this money.

Father Guido, Brother Ted and I will be saying the Prayer of the Holy Walrus until I hear from you again. Please pray with us.

Goo goo g'joob,

Brother Hannibal Lecter

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Big Dane
Master Baiter


Joined: 11 May 2004
Posts: 197
Location: Denmark


PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 3:45 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

As I said I continued the conversation with:

Quote:
But how?


which made him answer:

Quote:
Dear John Garstedt,

Thank you once again for your mail and I want you to know that I quite appriciate it and it will be of a great joy for me iof you can help me and my family get this money so that we can get back to life since our father and former President of kenya is no more and the government of today is not favouring the family and since my father moved some billions of dollars out of the country and tagging them as precious substance so it will not be tampard with by any body and also name from the presidency, all this that were been moved out of this country by my father are all money in hard currency and now that he is no more the government take some of his propert from us.

So my friend all I want you to do is just to stand onbehlf of me and my family to cleard this good from the security company and you will be well compensated at all and be well asure you have no risk involve in this transaction since I will be informing the company that you will be coming to clear our goods from them and I shall also forward to you all the document relating to this money so it will be easy for you to attended to, beside I will also need all your informations so that I can forward them to the company even before you arrive there and may they will even call you to know when you are coming.

I will be very pleased if you can do this form me and my family and like I say you will be well compensated or better still mail me your contact phone number so I can call you and expelain to you proper then I belieave you will understand better. I will expect to hear from you as soon as you get this mail.

Thank you once again.

Vincent Arap Moi.


I think it is wonderful, how easy it is to make this lad happy. I write "But how?" and he tells me that he "quiet appriciated" my mail. Laughing
I said I would ask for the american hard currency next; but I think that is too complicated. I dont want to wind him up with words. Maybe I could answer something like "Sure!". Or do you think "OK!" would be more appropriate?

_________________
Denmark - Denmark
It really gives me the pleasure to write you this pathetic and emotional heart bleeding mail which i know will come to you as a surprise even though we hardly know each other personally.
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Nigerian419
Baiting Guru


Joined: 01 Oct 2003
Posts: 338
Location: North West England


PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 4:50 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Go for the "OK"

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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 4:56 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Well, Iíve heard back from the bank...and guess what? Iím approved!!! Iíd better write Dr. Abba with the good news; plus, Iím afraid Iím going to need his help!

Quote:
Brother Abba,

Praise the Walrus, we have been approved by the bank! Here is a copy of the email from Mrs. Nkoto:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sir,

You are hereby informed that your request for telegraphic transfer has been approved as attached.
However ,you are advised to provide the following documents upon which reception the bank will remmit your fund to your account designate.

The Documents are as follow:

1.A sworn affidavit of fact sworn to at the Federal High Court of South Africa
2.The photocopy of the identification pages of your International Passport or driver's license.
3.The Death Certificate of Mr.Bunke Sean.
4.A mandatory Fund Release order fee of $8,788.55

Hence,we await your response before remittance of the fund commences.

Sincerely,

Susan Makebe Nkoto(Mrs.)
Head,Foreign Remmittance Office.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brother Abba, I don't know what to do. How can I get an affidavit of fact?

Also, I do not have a passport or a driver's license. I never leave the monastery, and have not renewed my license since I was at university.

I have no death certificate.

The fee should not be a problem; I will contact Father Guido about releasing the fee from church funds.

Please advise as to the rest of these demands; I don't think we will be able to do this. You're a businessman; please help!

In the name of the Walrus and the Carpenter Jesus,

Goo goo g'joob!

Brother Hannibal

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Tue Jun 22, 2004 1:55 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Yay!!! I've been approved!!!

The following email came with the subject "Congrat!":

Quote:
Dear Friend,

I am delighted to hear that the bank has finally confirmed your
claim and also approved your request for the transfer of the
money into your account.Accept my congratulations for this
success and particularly for following my instructions.

The bank demanded you must produce the following documents:

1.A court affidavit.
2.Death certificate of Mr.Bunke Sean
3.Photocopy of your Passport or Drivers' License.
4.Fund Release order amount which is mandatory.

I will go to the hospital where Mr.Bunke Sean died right
away to get his Death Certificate .I will do everything humanly
possible to get the death certificate even if requires spending
money.I know that at most I will give tips to someone for the
death certificate. I will send it to you as soon as I get it
from the hospital.

The affidavit is sworn to at the Federal High Court of South Africa.
The bank accepts only affidavit sworn to in South Africa because the
transaction was operated in South Africa. In this country, it is only
lawyers that can swear an affidavit .I shall send to you the
contact of a lawyer that would assist you in getting the court
affidavit.Since you are not comming to this country he could
equally represent you in signing the Fund Release Order at the
bank.I will send to you the contact of an accredited lawyer to
the bank as soon as I get his phone number and contact email
address but that will have to be after I get the death
certificate.I think the bank's accreditted lawyer is better in
order not to attract so much attention.

Either a photocopy of the first two pages of your International
passport or drivers' license would be okay. When you get all of
the three documents ready send them to the bank and the fund
would be released for transfer.The photocopied passport is only a
routine exercise for proper identification of the beneficialy.

Meanwhile I shall get back to you with the lawyer's contact as
soon as I get the Death Certificate.
Nevertheless,could you send to me a scanned picture of yourself
so that I can know the person I am dealing with.

Best Wishes,
Dr.Abba Gana


This is monumental news...but there could be a problem:

Quote:
Dear Brother Abba,

Praise God, the Carpenter Jesus and the Holy Walrus of Tull!! It is fantastic news that we have been approved. Our church can do much great work with this money, and we thank you for bringing us this opportunity. I do have some concerns, however. Let's go over the items we need:

1.A court affidavit.
You said you can get an attorney to acquire this. No problem.

2.Death certificate of Mr.Bunke Sean
You said you can get this. Excellent.

3.Photocopy of your Passport or Drivers' License.
This is a problem. As I wrote to you, I have not renewed my driver's license since I was just out of college many years ago. I never leave the monastery and I have no car; therefore I have no driver's license and no passport. I will work on getting you a photo of myself as soon as possible, but I have no official identification of that nature.

4.Fund Release order amount which is mandatory.
This can be achieved. I can have Brother Ted Kaczynski draw up the release order and submit it to Father Guido Sarducci for approval. Father Guido says that the money will be no problem as long as the transaction complies with Church policy.

In order to release money from Church funds, the recipient must be a confirmed member of the Church of the Holy Walrus. You do not have to be ordained as a minister, but you must be baptized into the church. This is a fairly simple procedure.

If the recipient of church funds is not a member of the Church of the Holy Walrus, a clearance fee may be submitted to the Treasury in order to release the funds. The Treasurer will notify Father Guido, and then the funds can be released.

The Church would be honored to have you as a member, Brother Abba; perhaps we could start a branch right there in South Africa. If you do not wish to join our church, I understand...but then you would have to pay the fund clearance fee for non-members.

Please advise me as to what we should do next.

Regards,

Brother Hannibal Lecter

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Sudsman
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Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Tue Jun 22, 2004 6:58 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

So here's what I get from Abba...

Quote:
Dear friend,
Today I got the death certificate from the hospital where
Mr.Bunke Sean died.I am attaching it to you together with
the contact of the lawyer that will assist you in swearing the
affidavit of fact.Please do not mention my name to the lawyer
because of my position in the bank.Tell him that you are having
some money at the African Developement Bank Plc which you want to
transfer to your country,that the bank requires that you must
provide the affidavit before the transfer can be effected and
that because of your inability to come to South Africa,you would want
him to swear the affidavit on your behalf and equally represent
you at the bank in signing vital transfer documents on your
behalf.Ask him his condition of service.
Note that the lawyer is an accreditted lawyer to the bank and
pleae do not mention my name to him.Tell him also that you got
his contract from the bank.
His name and contact addresses are as follows:
Barrister West Uzondu(SAN)
WESTUZONDU CHAMBERS
19 Independence Avenue,Johnnasbourg,South Africa.
Email: [email protected]
Please send him a mail immediately.
I await to hear the lawyer's response.
Best regards,
Dr.Abba Gana


(A very impressive Death Certificate is attached. I dutifully write to the barrister.)

Quote:
Dear Barrister West Uzondu,

I am writing with regard to my deceased next of kin, Mr. Sean Burke. He left a tidy sum of money at the African Development Bank Plc which I am having transferred to my country by the grace of the Holy Walrus and Jesus the Carpenter.

Before I can get the money, however, I need a sworn affidavit; and since I am not allowed to swear in South Africa I would like to ask you to do it for me. I received your contact from the bank, and they have the utmost confidence in your swearing ability.

Bless you for helping a clergyman in need.

Goo goo g'joob,

Brother Hannibal Lecter
Church of the Holy Walrus

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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Sudsman
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 28 May 2004
Posts: 764
Location: Wisconsin: land of beer and badgers


PostPosted: Tue Jun 22, 2004 7:58 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Now we're getting somewhere...

Quote:
To: Brother Hannibal Lecter
Church of the Holy Walrus

Sir,

I received your letter requesting for my professional service in
getting a
sworn affidavit on your behalf, from the federal high court here.

I am very much obliged to serve you but, first, you will have to give
me all
the necesary information so that I can go to the bank and ascertain
your
claims.

Please he following information for proper verifications:

1. The account detail so your deceased next of kin
2. Your own account information
3. Documents received from the bank, if any

Once I get all the above mentioned information and ascertain your
claims in
the bank, I wil then accpet the offer and give you my working terms.

Thank you once again for choosing me to serve while I promise you a
better
service now, and in the future.

Yours-In-Service,

Barr. West Uzondu


Quote:
Dear Barrister West:

I am blessed to provide you with the details you require so that our church will be able to great things in the world.

1. The account detail so your deceased next of kin
ACCOUNT NUMBER 1 4 - 2 2 5 / u t b / t OF MR SEAN BUNKE*
African Developement Bank
ADB Building Santos Plaza,
Johannesburg,
Republic of South Africa.
* please note: the name was misspelled by the bank as "Bunke." His true last name was "Burke."

2. Your own account information
NAME OF BANK: Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills
ACCOUNT NUMBER: 867-5309
ADDRESS OF BANK: 15 Rodeo Drive, Beverly Hills, CA 90210
3. Documents received from the bank, if any
(attached)

Please let me know if you will swear for me. Mange takk!

Brother Hannibal Lecter
Church of the Holy Walrus


Gee, I hate to point out spelling errors, but I sure don't want anything to go wrong!

_________________
"Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter." - Ernest Hemingway

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