Never try it on with an 83 year old mad lady

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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 12:35 am

I apologise in advance for the ending as it breaches the code of ethics - however this was a year ago, I was naive and hopefully the rest is entertaining enough for you to forgive me.. it starts slowly, but then 'she' lets her craziness kick in. I enjoyed myself so much I'm keeping her persona ready for the next one.

Quote:

Dear <name snipped>,

I am Barr ifeanyi okorie,a solicitor at law,personal attorney to Mr.C.B.<name snipped> ,a national Of your country,who used to work with Shell Development Company in Lome Togo. Here in after shall be referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2002, my client,his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Kara express Road, Togo.

All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy here to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts,I decided to trace his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.

I have contacted you to assist in retreiving the fund valued at US$17.5 million left behind by my client before it gets confisicated or declared unserviceable by the Security Finance Firm where this huge amount were deposited. The said Security Finance Company has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or havehis account confisicated within the next twenty one official working days.

Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over 2years now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased sinceyou have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.Therefore,on receiptof your positive response, we shall then discuss thesharing ratio and modalities for transfer.I have all necessary information and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.

All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me through the above email for more details.

Best Regards.

Barr.ifeanyi okorie.

Dear Mr Okorie

Thank you for your letter with the sad news.

As you no doubt know from your internet research, I am an old lady now and have lost touch with my family. My only son died some years ago and his children do not visit any more. I had heard about one of them travelling in Africa, although I didn't know they were working there and certainly didn't realise they had become so wealthy. It is a shame that they died without ever having let me meet my great-granddaughter.

So I thank you for your news, sad though it is.

If you like I could give you as many details as I can in order to help you trace the more immediate family here in New Zealand and Australia, though as I say, they do not keep in contact very much. However they are the real beneficiaries of any money that Charles left. Incidentally, his middle initial is J for John, not B - is that a problem?

I look forward to your reply and wish you well in your sad task.

Yours sincerely

<name snipped>

Quote:

Attention Mrs.<name snipped>,

Thanks for your mail and the content well noted.

However, I have seen your information�s and I have forwarded to the bank, your contact so that they will contact you for onward arrangement and if they contacts you and you need any help or advice do not delay to contact me on my private number (+228-930-6103) call me for more details.

Bank Of Togo duty is to pay any international payment. As they are bankers bank,
Infact after you receive this mail kindly call me so that I will give you the modus operandi.

N/B.The mistake has been corrected to Late.Mr.C.J.<name snipped> instead of Late Mr.C.B.<name snipped>.Take note asap.

N/B. Send your private telephone / Fax / Mobile phone and your Home address.

You are higly welcome.

Regards,

Barrister Ifeanyi Okorie Esq.

Dear Mr Okorie

Thank you for your letter. I don't know what I would do without your help in this matter. I had no idea all this was going to happen to me. At eighty years of age I thought I was looking forward to a quiet life.

I will be organising a memorial service for Charles and his family next week. I may not have really known him, but I feel that a church service is the least I can do. If you can be here I would be happy to meet you and we can pay our respects together although I don't think many people will be coming as nobody from here knew him; he only visited once about twenty years ago. I have tried to find his sister but I can't find her. It is so distressing.

I really think that with the money involved I should ask someone to find her. Do you think I should ask the New Zealand embassy in Togo for help? I really don't think I could use all that money and after all it isn't really mine. What do you think?

I am so sorry that I can't give you a phone number. I'm afraid at my age my hearing isn't very good and a telephone isn't any use to me. So I go to the library once a week to email friends, although I have been going every day this week because of your letter! The staff at the library are quite surprised to see me so often. Do you think I should ask them for help with this matter or keep it quiet? I am really not sure what to do so I would like your advice, after all you are a barrister so you know what best to do.

If we have to talk over the phone I will have to ask my neighbour's son to help, as I cannot hear very well. His son is a lawyer so the two of you should be able to talk business easily. Please tell me if you want to talk to him.

Thank you for changing the middle initial to J. It is a small detail but I would feel awful to think his name wasn't even right.

Thank you again

<name snipped>

Quote:

Attention:Mrs.<name snipped>,

Good afternoon,

Still waiting on your update.Meanwhile, has you been able to hear from the bank?What is their recent update?Keep me posted asap.Moreover, recall to send your contact information so that i will forward it to the said bank as well.

Thanks for your kind co-operation.

Barrister Ifeanyi Okorie Esq.

Dear Mr Okorie

I haven't heard anything from your bank in Togo. What details do they need?

I can't talk to you on the phone as my hearing isn't very good and so I don't have a telephone. Do you want my neighbour's son to phone? I think I told you that he is a lawyer so the two of you can sort out any details. However I really don't know what to do, so I rely on you for instructions.

Do you want my bank account details so you can pay the money in? I think that you should have some yourself for all the hard work you are doing. Would you be insulted if I offered you cash? After all your hard work I think you deserve something.

I am going to the church tomorrow. It would be nice if you could come too. Do you think it is possible? If not perhaps you could come later. It would be nice to meet you.

I must go now as it is late and my incontinence pants have filled up again. Embarassed

God bless you

<name snipped>

Quote:

TO.MRS.K.H.,

FROM:BANK MANAGER DR.AKWA C.DUDU.
ADDRESS. 25 BP 1047 DECON 25 LOME TOGO.

SUBJECT:RE:FUND PAYMENT. MADAM, KINDLY BE INFORMED THAT WE ARE INSTRUCTED
TO ASSIST IN YOUR FUND PAYMENT.

REF.NO:AD/XX90/SARB/1999.AMOUNTED TO $17.5 MILLION UNITED STATES
DOLLARS(SEVENTEEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) IN
THE ORDER OF ( LATE MR.C.J.H )-ACCOUNT NUMBER.N� 87-53-44-11-68.DO NOTE
THAT ALL BANKING ARRANGEMENT ARE CONCLUDED.YOUR PRESENT WILL BE NEEDED IN
OUR OFFICE HERE IN LOME TOGO TO ENABLE YOU ENDORSE YOUR FUND PAYMENT
RELEASE ORDER OR KINDLY CONTACT YOUR FAMILY LAWYER BARRISTER OKORIE
IFEANYI FOR THAT.

FORM,VERIFICATION AND IDENTIFICATION OF YOUR GOODSELF,BEFORE YOUR FINAL
PAYMENT THROUGH OUR BANK. KINDLY NOTE THE FOLLOWING REQUIREMENTS:

(A) CONFIRMATIONS OF YOUR BANKING DETAIL/DATAS.
(B) INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT PHOTOPAGE PHOTOCOPY.
(C) NOTIFICATIONS,PAYMENT APPROVALS AND RELEASE ORDER.
(D) ACCOUNT RE-ACTIVATION OF $5,022.00 (TO BE PAID).
(E) DEATH CERTIFICATE AND INHERITANCE CERTIFICATE MUST BE SUBMMITTED.

BE INFORMED THAT,THE ABOVE REQUIREMENTS ARE VERY VALID TO ENABLE THE
MANAGEMENT SERVE YOU BETTER.KINDLY INFORM US YOUR POSSIBLE DATE OF
ARRIVAL,TO ENABLE THE MANAGEMENT FIX UP AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR
GOODSELF,WITHIN THE BANKING SERVICE HOUR.ALSO BE INFORMED THAT APPOINTMENT
ARE STRICKLY ON INVITATIONS.

THANKS,AS WE AWAIT YOUR SWIFT COMPLIANCE IN THIS REGARD.
YOURS TRULY,

DR.AWKA C.DUDU.
BANK MANAGER.
DATED:10/04/06.

Dear Mr Okorie

I am sorry to have been quiet for so long but the library, where I do my emailing, is closed at the weekend. Then on Monday I had to stay in and shampoo the cat as it was getting a bit smelly. You'll smile when I tell you it was the neighbour's cat I shampooed by mistake! No wonder it struggled so much.. and now my neighbour is not talking to me so I can't ask his son to phone you.

I did go down to the library yesterday to see the computer and I have now received a letter from a Mr Dudu at the bank in your country. I thought that you had different names in Tonga with lots of vowels and apostrophes. It is all very confusing as I'M EIGHTY-THREE YEARS OLD and rather proud of the fact as you can tell.

I had the service for Charles at the weekend but although I looked, I could not see you anywhere. Mind you I couldn't see anyone really, partly because my eyes are bad and partly because nobody was there except me and the vicar. I thought he was very rude as he only talked for five minutes, called him Albert and then charged me five hundred dollars. Still he was jolly nice and there is now a small plaque on the tree in the churchyard in Charles' name. Well it will be once they have changed it.

Mr Dudu has asked for some things but I am not sure what to do. Can I use you as my representative? I will naturally pay you for your work.

I went down to see the nice man at the bank here, but although I looked in all the banks I couldn't find him anywhere. It was all rather distressing as he usually takes care of all my money for me. Apparently he has moved to Barbados but the nice people at the bank said they would refund all the money he took. Apparently he borrowed a bit from me but forgot to ask. Never mind, I'm sure he's sorry.

My bank is the one on the corner just by the chemist. Do you need any more details? Everyone knows the bank as it has just been repainted and we are all rather proud of it here. My account is apparently active so I won't need to re-activate it, which is a bit of a saving for me, isn't it? I'm afraid I don't have a passport and so I don't have a passport photo but one of the nice ladies in the library said that I could use hers. Then she said I should send it to a man in Turkey and went away laughing. At least I think she meant Turkey; I'm sure she said to send it to Ankara, but my hearing is not very good. I do have a rather nice photo of me taken at my ninetieth birthday - would that do?

Can you take care of all the certificates and orders as they just confuse me.

Let me know if there is anything else you need and please tell me how much I owe you for your work so far so I can pay you.

I'm off to get a bottle of gin now as I feel like a little celebration. I haven't had a drink for a few years, but I'm sure I'll remember what to do. It's a bit like riding a bicycle, so they say. I haven't ridden a bicycle since the war, do you think I'll remember? Perhaps I'd better go and get one with those little wheels on the side. I'll let you know how it goes.

Do you think the money will take long to get here? It would be nice if I could have it by Friday as the milkman comes to be paid then and, frankly, the vicar has left me a bit short for the week.

God bless you

<name snipped>

Quote:

Attention:Mrs.<name snipped>,

Good evening Madam,

Thanks for your mail and the content well noted.However,the above mentioned fund will be release and transfer to your designated chosen bank account in your country, as soon as you meet the bank requirements.I

Infact,i am willing to secure the required documents from the various ministries of finance and that of justice.Thus,the documents will cost you $2 ,150.00 dollars based on my recent confirmation this afternoon here after communicating with the bank manager Dr.A.C.Dudu.According to the bank manager, he told me that you are going to re-activate the account number of your Late Cousin Brother here so that it will enable them to release and transfer the above mentioned fund to your designated chosen bank account in your country there without further delay again.Also i am willing to represent you here in the bank and make sure that the fund will be release and transfer to you there as soon as we meet the bank requirements.

Furthermore, the bank manager told me that you are going to use $5,022.00 dollars to re-activate the account number of your late cousin brother here together with the cost of the various documents which is $2,150.00 dollars.Therefore, you are require to send to our chamber the sum of $7,172.00 dollars so that it will enable mefrom here to re-activate the excrow call account number of your late cousin brother Exclamation

also help me to secure the covering Certificates as the bank has required fromyou being the next of kin to the said deceased.

Please i need you to offer me 20% of the total sum as soon as the fund is release and transfer to your designated chosen bank account in your country there for onwards investment programme and opportunities.After all, i will fly over to meet with you there so that you can offer me my percentage as was agree together ok.

Note.You don't need to re-activate your saving bank account in your country there but to re-activate your late cousin bank account number here in Togo ok.That is what the bank manager mean ok.

Finally, try as much as possible to send your saving bank account information to the bank including your home address and your private telephone number also try to secure a confidential person who can assist you from there to be communicating with the bank ok.The fund will be release to you there either by cash payment or by wire transfer based on the information i gathered from the bank manager this afternoon here.Bassically, through their affiliate paying correspodent bank office in Spain.But that should be immediately the account is re-activated together with the securing of the various required documents.

Note.I amready to act on your behalf here.But try as much as possible to arrange for the fund there so that i will give you an account from here to wire the money so that it will enable me from here to proceed ahead accordingly.

Thanks for your understanding and co-operation.Call me on 002289306103.For more details.

Yours sincerely partner,

Barrister Ifeanyi Okorie Esq.

Dear Mr Okorie

I am a bit cross with you. Frankly I don�t know how you found out about my relatives that way, but my cousin-brother and his wife never had children and anyway they both died years ago. Frankly I never thought I would hear about them again and I don�t know what they have got to do with anything as it is my grandson who died over there.

We are not best pleased when our cousins marry each other as there has been a little too much of it in our family. Our doctor says our gene pool has too much chlorine in it, whatever that means.

I hope you are happy with what you have done � you have upset me now. I had decided not to get that bottle of gin, but now I shall.

The nice girl at the library has just come over to ask why I was so upset. She told me to take a chill pill but I have heart pills only. Now I�m cross and confused. I�m going to the liquor store and then going home to shampoo my cat and get drunk. If I have a heart attack and die it will be all your fault.

Love to your family

<name snipped>

Quote:

Dear Mrs.<name snipped>,

Good afternoon.

Thanks for your mail and the content well noted.However, are you serious or not serious?Infact, i am getting confused towards your recent mail.However, i am ready to secure the documents as soon as you send the money.Anyway, i will assist you with $3.000.00 dollars while you will send the remaining $4.172.00 dollars so that it will enable us to re-activate the excrow call account number of your later cousin also help us to secure the necessary required documents as the bank has requested.

Note.Send your contact information while reply this mail back to me ok.

Thanks for your understanding and co-operation.

Barrister Ifeanyi Okorie.

Dear Mr Okorie

You are a very naughty man upsetting me like you do. First you said it was my grandson that had died, then my brother-cousin and now my cousin. Was there some kind of family massacre out there that I have not been told about? I really don�t understand. And you call him my later cousin � do you mean there was an earlier cousin that you have yet to tell me about or did you mean my late cousin?

Anyway I�m not talking to you until you apologise.

And I still can�t find the cat or get this damned bottle of gin open, my incontinence pants are filling rapidly and the shops will be shut soon, so I am going to grumpily slosh down to the shops as soon as I get this bottle open. I also need shampoo for the cat and I don't know where to get it.

I can�t afford too many services, so please tell me exactly how many of my family died out there so I don�t have to pay the vicar too many times. And they still haven�t changed the name to Charles on the plaque. I don�t suppose any of my other relatives who died there are called Albert, are they? If so I could keep the plaque as it is. That would be jolly nice.

But I�m still cross with you. I met my bank manager in the street yesterday and he said I needed to send some numbers and not just say it is next to the chemist. I really don�t know why, because if I can find it then surely you can, but I�m sure he knows best. But no numbers until I think you are sorry for all the nasty things you said about my family.

<name snipped>

Ps Do you have a cat?

Quote:

Attention:Mrs.<name snipped>,

What do you mean by that?However, i am working to see that the fund will be release and transfer to you via their affiliate paying correspondent bank office in Spain.Thus, keep it confidential until we are through with the bank manager and other top officials of the bank here ok.

Note. Do not contact the bank.But see their information below based on the information i gathered from the bank manager.

caixa sceriety and financier
Avda de Bano de Espa�a.Edificio 44
28010 Madrid,Spain.
Tel +34 666.950.626
Fax +34 659.085.178
email [email protected]
contact person
mr :peter Godwin.

Furthermore, make use of our chambers cashier that runs thus, to send the money through western union.Also recall to send your private telephone and fax line by tomorrow.Otherwise, i will not proceed ahead with you.

Extend my greeting to your dare family over there.

Thanks and God bless,

Barrrister Ifeanyi Okorie Esq.

Dear Mr Okorie

For the fourth time, I do not have a phone or fax as I am deaf and eighty-three years old. Don�t you read any of my emails?

Also at what point did my grandson become my cousin? When you first wrote to me you said he was my grandson, now you say it is my cousin. I also said that I have no family � why would you ask me to greet them for you. That is just odd!

I�m starting to wonder whether any of this is true at all.

And why would you give me a bank�s details and then tell me not to contact them? Why not?
I spoke to my bank manager and he said �That doesn�t sound fishy at all!� and then went away with a smile, but I�m starting to think that you are not being entirely truthful with me.

Here is what I propose: as I am not sure how to send Western Union money and as you are behaving a little strangely, I want you to send me $1000 as a sign of good faith. You already said that you could help out with $3000, so $1000 should not be a problem. Once you have sent that to me then I can send you what you want.

If this is ok with you, let me know and I will tell you where to put it.

Now I am tired and off to bed.

<name snipped>

He responded �now I know you are not serious� and that was the last we heard from him�

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