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 Abusing Lad Barristers....

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asiaguy
Elite Baiter


Joined: 14 Apr 2006
Posts: 1180
Location: Me Luv U Long Time


PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 4:53 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I've discovered a fabulous way to simply rattle the barristers into a wild rant....

I always try to convince the barrister to supply a legal agreement of representation.
My latest barrister provided me with a 5 page very well written "draft agreement" of legal representation on my $4,000,000 dead guy estate.
He sent the "draft agreement" in MS Word.
Our Ministry attorney Cool uses open office...I simply mark my changes, convert the file to PDF, wipe the file clean with file scrubber and send it back to the barrister.

The barrister must then re-write the entire agreement rather than accept the changes... Crying or Very sad

Today I received this from Barrister John Ola after draft revision 4....

Dear XXXXX

Quote:
This is not a game to be played by your attorney. The legal agreement is now not a legal agreement since he has crossed legal out of the agreement in all clauses and subsecitons and paragraphs. Does he think I wll sit on the side during this transaction and he will take charge?
I am in contol of my late clients funds and I will remane in control of these funds. Time is waisting now and I will not accept any more alteratins the said agreement. PERIOD. Please sign and return the agreement in its form now so that I can get notorized by the High Courts.
I must retane legal cause over this agreement and the crossing of the word legal out of the agreement is not acceptable.

_________________
You must be stupied and mad you bastard full she goat. (Charles Soludo)
Madam, is not your signature for Christ sack (Prince Tony Yobo William)
WOMAN YOU SMELL UR ASS SOON AND DIE LIKE RAT WAIT THERE (Barrister John Ola)
I will cock you in a bottle and add peper to your eyes while you will die (My lost love Lad...Morgan)
fuck off and never contact me any more get this insult to your entire family (Barrister Philip Nowoke after 9 futile trips to WU)
I don't know how you think they will be liking your asshole (Paul Mbecki - banker Lad)
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Tsnerd
Not quite a Newb


Joined: 14 Jul 2005
Posts: 41


PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 4:57 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Quote:
Time is waisting now and I will not accept any more alteratins the said agreement. PERIOD.


Sounds like this needs added to the agreement as a new clause, doesn't it? Laughing

_________________

Fakers: many, many, lots; an SSL and a couple of Resellers.
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Peartree
Master Baiter


Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 144
Location: Ireland


PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 5:38 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Lol I just an email back from a barrister with just such an agreement that I demanded. However before I send it back to him I was wondering it there was a way he could find out some of my details by examing the properties in the file? Is that what you meant by a file scrubber? If so could you recommend a program I could download?

_________________
"THAT IS ALL I COULD ADVICE YOU DO, BUT IF YOU INSIST ON ME KILLING YOU, WELL THE CHOICE IS ALL YOURS."
"KNOWING US BTCI BANK, KNOWING YOU [email protected] PARTRIDG3, A-HA,"
" why are you so nervous and easy upset, may be it was this reason of vestation that your wife left you, it might not be really for sexual matters,"
"you could have just walk away and neglect my proposal rather than bringing me to the center of the sea and abandoning me here."

Nurse Nastys Audi TT
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thud419
Baiting Guru


Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 3193


PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 6:14 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

My solution to the dilema, I couldn't be bothered with all that work:
Quote:
Thanks. I've had my lawyer look over the agreement and he has pointed out a few glaring omissions.

1) There is no sanity clause. This should read along the lines of "If any of the parties is shown to be insane or otherwise mentally incapable then the entire agreement is nullified." Of course it should go on to say what will happen to the trust in that case.

2) There is no separability clause.

3) There is no catatonia clause.
And then
Quote:
My legal advice tells me that the changes need to be made by a lawyer certified on Ghanaian law. I have not been able to find such here. I am sure there will be one around somewhere, but they are very hard to find, and will probably be expensive. I suggest you go to the lawyer who drafted it initially and ask for the extra clauses to be inserted.
I never did get the seperability clause, but the ploy did it's job. I did get the catatonia clause, which isn't bad considering I made it up.

_________________
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I did not f**k your wife in any way -- Nike Akanbi
I don't know what else to do or do I continue filling and filling forms. -- Barr. Koloti
you has been dribbling me up and down but I will show some thing you have never seen before, I think you breath air wait and see. -- Sand Timer Barr. Cole
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Peartree
Master Baiter


Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 144
Location: Ireland


PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 8:59 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

I just got an agreement/contract from a barrister to sign, which is too long to post here, but I wanted a few changes so I replied with this...


Quote:
Hi Chris,

Just a small few issues with the document. Can we get rid of the
hearts around the border? It just looks...well odd, I don't want it to
seem like we are getting married! HAHAHA! The font changes a lot too
and makes it look sometimes unprofessional, which makes me a little
nervous, can you fix it? Can the extra 10% that I negotiated be
stipulated to be used

"at my semi-erectus discretion and invested in psychotropic ELO and
ABBA investments and flitampic and contraceptive consortiums until
such time as it is deemed post-humous and humously-posted. All
profits, dofits and poppets of which will fall under a fantabulous
wonkarific and pointless legalise waffle profit umbrella or claptrap "

Please can it be stipulated that the invitation for Mrs. L1nda Kh0be
Maxw3ll Sr. for the purposes of a visa will only be executed "whence
hades and all its subsidaries and assets are frozen or at such a time
when volutabrum aviation is possible," This is just a legal way of
saying that this will only occur once the inital transaction is
complete.

Can we add a sentence to the end of this line "The investor has
declared solemnly that the source of the funds is never Drug-related
or Money Laundering," I'd like to change it to

"The investor has declared solemnly that the source of the funds is
never Drug-related or Money Laundering, drug-laundering,
faeces-fornication, scam-baiting, PETA, sheep-shagging, cow tipping
and all other forms of animal copulation,"

Okay I think that's it, if I think of anything else I'll let you know.

_________________
"THAT IS ALL I COULD ADVICE YOU DO, BUT IF YOU INSIST ON ME KILLING YOU, WELL THE CHOICE IS ALL YOURS."
"KNOWING US BTCI BANK, KNOWING YOU [email protected] PARTRIDG3, A-HA,"
" why are you so nervous and easy upset, may be it was this reason of vestation that your wife left you, it might not be really for sexual matters,"
"you could have just walk away and neglect my proposal rather than bringing me to the center of the sea and abandoning me here."

Nurse Nastys Audi TT
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Baldrick
Master Baiter


Joined: 15 Mar 2006
Posts: 193


PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:42 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

My barrister seems to fly off the handle before I ever get to that stage:

Dear Jim,
So I gather that you are Dr. Lowell's shyster is this correct?
If so, then as you will no doubt be aware, I will obviously need to see your credentials before we can proceed.
Regards,
Mr. Benn Nevis

Attn: Been Navis,
Let your mail be the first and the last. Who are you to demand for my credential?
Be warn and do not ever send further messages to this mailbox.
Goodluck with your business.


Jim,
I'll tell you who I am shall I? I am the guy that you just asked for 5% of my funds thats who I am. And that is why I asked for your credentials, which is normal practice in my country and most other countries throughout the world.
I don't know what your problem is but I will not be spoken to in such a way. I will speak to Dr. Lowell about your behaviour and rest assured he will fire you.
No professional would dare insult his clients in this way. I demand an apology immediately.
I will also be sending a copy of your email to Dr Lowell so that he can see what an idiot he has for a lawyer.
Oh and another thing....try and spell my name right you stupid moron.
Good day
Mr. Benn Nevis

Dear Jim,
I've just been informed by Dr. Lowell that you have told him I must come to see you in the USA if I want to see your credentials.
Let me assure you of something Jimbob, this will not happen for three reasons.
1. You are the other side of the world to me and I'm not prepared to travel to confirm your credentials.
2. If I ever did come, I'd tear you a new asshole you cheap lying piece of shit.
3. You are a liar, a cheat and no way are you a lawyer.

I have told Dr. Lowell all about you so you can go and look in the bins for food to feed your ugly children.

Now kindly f**k off
Mr. Benn Nevis

They seem to be very touchy about their credentials for some reasons. After I got my apology letter, you really ought to see the rubbish he sent me as his credentials. Naturally, I praised him and felt honoured to be associated with such a highly qualified shyster.

_________________
Ben fool, I think I have heard enough of this, I will tell you how stupid and idiocy you are later. Just give me some days. (Dr. Lowell)
idiot (Dr. Lowell 7 weeks later)
I'm Still your friend, we are not enemies, but you sound like a professional fraud man or FBI. (Freeborn Moses)
we build relationship and watch it going up am a woman i need you to be at peace first not so wild like animal. (Mrs. Elizabeth)
NOW WALK MAJESTICALLY LIKE A LION TO YOUR WU OFFICE (williams wilcox)
I love the idea of the Security verification code (Freeborn Moses after 1143 answers)
SWING INTO ACTION EMBLIND (in a subject line)
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Jervis Tetch
Master of Master Baiters


Joined: 05 Feb 2007
Posts: 669
Location: Cape HATteras


PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:21 am Reply with quoteBack to top

Thud419--

No sanity clause? What about the easter bunny? LOL! I love to quote The Marx Brothers, 3 Stooges, Simpsons, Beatles, Clint Eastwood et al to The Lads as I know it zooms right over their heads.

Always amazes me how the 'barristers' are so quick to get 'insulted by my questions' and tell me how 'professional' they are blah blah. Always my golden opportunity to tell the original Lad what a moron his lawyer is. And to get a new one.


cheerz----jervis tetch---mad hatter
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Peartree
Master Baiter


Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 144
Location: Ireland


PostPosted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 1:55 pm Reply with quoteBack to top

Oops, my requested amendments got me in a bit of trouble and after two slaps the lad is still accusing me of not being serious. He has started to ask specific questions about the terms I used. My third and possibly final slap will either make it or break it.

Quote:
Dear Chris,

Do you want me to get my lawyer to contact to you to teach you how to be an attorney??? I am beginning to think you have no clue how to do your job. Check your diploma, is it made of rice paper and written in crayon? If so then you are not an attorney. "Post-humous and humously-posted," refers to the investment group that I have set up for the extra 10% that I will be investing. I need the contract to clearly state that the extra 10% is to be used solely for this purpose and the purposes I outlined (consortiums etc.) Post-humous and humously posted mean that the funds will be availible to that company for such a time that all the money remains in the company and the company exists for the purposes outlined. You can now see that it is much easier to simply write the legal terms than a big explanation. Any attorney would see that.

In terms of "The investor has declared solemnly that the source of the funds is never Drug-related or Money Laundering, drug-laundering,faeces-fornication, scam-baiting, PETA, sheep-shagging, cow tipping
and all other forms of animal copulation,"

It is very simple, part of my business is a large cosmetics company and I have had hell form animal rights activists in the past. I am an animal lover and need to be insured that the money I receive has not been gotten by ill-gotten gains, especially situations involving animal cruelty of any sort, even borderline ones like the ones I mentioned, which is why I mentioned them specfically, as is very common in contracts with large diverse conglomorates. Maybe you are not a good enough attorney as you clearly have not dealt with large corporations or investment companies before, because if you had you never would have raised such questions.

Now please, either make my amends to the contract exactly as I have outlined or the deal is off. Again you are questioning my seriousness and credibility as a professional businessman and I will not stand for that from a second-rate "attorney,"


*UPDATE*

He replied

Quote:
Mr. PXrtridge,

I hope you do not chose this forum to abuse or cast aspersions on my person.My not understanding what your line of business is does not call for you to call me names.I may not be vast in english laws does not mean that I did not pass my bar exams.The laws in Africa, apart from the general english law is peculiar to our people cultures, traditions, religion, behavioural pattern,attitudes etc.I am not in Britain as to know what your kind of laws are.I was not born an englishman but only studied english as a second language.Are you not english?.If you are, then you must be living in the peculiarity of your culture and tradition. Perhaps, you should have educated me about the areas you wish to apply this fund into before we go into drawing up an agreement.These areas you mentioned as your line of business is a bit strange to me.Learning is a continuous process and I feel I can still learn from you or your attorney.

For misunderstanding you, I sincerely apologise.I may not wish to respond to your comment on my qualification written in rice papers or crayon but I do wish we bury the hatchet and our misunderstanding as a better way of making progress in the transaction.Therefore, in view of this situation, in order for us to make progress, I will be amending the agreement to read what you suggested.

sincerely,

Chris.

_________________
"THAT IS ALL I COULD ADVICE YOU DO, BUT IF YOU INSIST ON ME KILLING YOU, WELL THE CHOICE IS ALL YOURS."
"KNOWING US BTCI BANK, KNOWING YOU [email protected] PARTRIDG3, A-HA,"
" why are you so nervous and easy upset, may be it was this reason of vestation that your wife left you, it might not be really for sexual matters,"
"you could have just walk away and neglect my proposal rather than bringing me to the center of the sea and abandoning me here."

Nurse Nastys Audi TT
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Dolores
419Eater is my life


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 356


PostPosted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 1:42 am Reply with quoteBack to top

^
Bury the hatchet... it his head, perhaps? Laughing

Kidding, kidding. Violence is not the answer (but it's a pretty good guess). Wink

_________________
I was mad with the deceit and conning of the Bello of a man. - Mens4h K0fi
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