Mr Philips of Barclays Bank

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lost in translation Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 531

I didn't start archiving this one right away but it gets pretty funny. I have been responding in broken "englisch" posing as someone from the country of "Bossanova" (get it, Bossa Nova, Latin Jazz?), whose native language is "Bossanali." I told him my "Passaport" show that I from country Bossanova. I have taught Mr. Philips a word in Bossanali: "pakabani" (that mean "mistake" in in my country Bossanova). I have pointed out many pakanabi (that mean mistake in my country Bossanova) that Mr. Philips has made.

Here's how it has gone. The initial e-mail had an image of a logo from Barclays Bank, Fenchurch Street Branch:

FENCHURCH STREET BRANCH, TEL: XXXXXX
FAX: XXXXXX

(the real phone numbers were not London numbers by the way)

Being familiar with the lay of London (even though I do not live there) I kindly offered to meet him at the Barclays on Fenchurch Street, "I take Underground." A day later I send him an angry note that I came to Fenchurch Street but "the man there say no one of your name work there. You make pakabani (that mean mistake in my country Bossanova)?"

Mr Philips replies:
Attn: XXXXX WORD CODE # (601 london)

You should have called me as soon as you got to the bank, so that i will direct you to fee me face to face. I am with the wire-department. Meanwhile no one can attend to you without me.

However I am in Thailand now for a busniess trip, You can email me your bank account details so that i can other them to effect the transfer But if you still want it to be deliver to you in cash , It's ok But you will pay for the delivery fee of 1200 pounds

I will be waiting to hear from you.

REGARDS,

FRANK PHILIPS
INTERNATIONAL REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT LONDON

Continued...

lost in translation Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 531

Oh, I forgot to say that I already introduced Mr. Philips to my Uncle Wassili, who noticed a pakabani (that mean mistake in my country Bossnova) in the way Mr. Philips spelled "claim." Wassili write good englisch. I also introduced him to my friend Vladamir, who is Russian but who also speaks good englisch and Bossanali. He came with me to Fenchurch Street in order to "transalt" for us.

Now it's time to introduce Mr. Philips to my friend Trevor. Trevor is a solicitor who has advised me that Barclays Bank must obey English Law in all transactions worldwide. English Law requires that since Mr. Philips contacted me he is now obliged to pay me the money no matter how long it takes. No response. I write back offering to come to Thailand to meet Mr. Philips who is now on a business trip there (as you can see). After all, Bossanova is right next to Thailand, right? I offer to meet him in Bangkok. Still nothing. I thought I'd lost him. I tried one more time and finally today got this:

from Mr. Philips:

Attn: XXXXXXXXXXX WORD CODE # (601 london)

I received your email, But note that, this is a contrcat payment fund, And the funds have over due, It will be cancelled if you apply more delay on it. You have no time to wiat on.

Kindly get back to me so that i can proceed with the dfelivery of the funds to you in cash as soon as you pay for the delivery fee.

I will be waiting to hear from you.

REGARDS,

ME:

Dear Mr. Philips,

As I say earleir, my frend Trevor is solicitor in England. Trevor tell me that Barclays bank must always follow English Law everywhere in world. Even contract payments must follwo English Law. English Law say that since you have made contact with me you MUST make full payment to me no matter how long delay takes. You cause delay by being in Thailand. Man at Fenchurch Street bank say no one of you name work there. You make pakabani (that what we call mistake in my contry Bossanova). I have much time.

But I very generus. My country Bossanova is very close to Thailand. I make trip back home to see familiy. Then I come to see you in Bangkok. You give me cheque for money then. Next Tuesday be alright? I see you in Bangkook.

Let's see if Mr. Philips wants me to meet him in Bangkok.

Bunnyrabbit

lost in translation Joined: 08 Aug 2007 Posts: 531

I had this guy for three weeks before he finally lost it.

Now Mr. David gets into the action. He must be the "real stuff" of Barclays:

David to me:

Attn:

Good Morning, For the fact you still do not believe me as the real stuff of barclays bank and to the fact that you can not make the trip to london to meet me face to face. Kindly send to us a letter of cancellation, Asking us to cancel the transaction as you are unable to comply.

As soon as receive the letter from you, I shall proceed to it immediately. My Freind i will not beg you to follow my words As i am only trying to help you, and if you do not wish to comply with the help i am offering you, It's ok. I have many other transac tion to handle at the moment.

Wish you the best of luck!

THANKS

JACKSON DAVID
TRANSFER DEPARTMENT LONDON.
FAX: +447005980893
BANK TELL: +447005982336
OFFICE LINE: +447024094869

Me to David

Good morning. You are not Mr. Philips? Is Mr. Philips still in Bangkook? I offer to come meet him there, or in my country Bossanova.

Mr. David, sir, I not say that I don't believe you. I just want to know why man at Fenchurch Bank say no one by name "Philips" work there. Mr. Philips told me to contact him there but when I went there the man say Mr. Philips not work here. Why he say that?

Now Mr David, why you say I can't come to London to meet you? I live on London. That why I take Underground to Fenchurch Bank.

Please, I want to do transaction. But I do not undertand these things good. Should I have my freind Trevor write to you or do you help me to understand? Sorry I not speak good englisch because I am from country Bossanova. You help me?

Faithfully,

Gr3bin9 Grubin9

Now, Gr3bing's friend George Herman Ruth gets involved:

GH Ruth (me) to David:

Hello Mr. David,

My friend Gr3bin9 Grubin9 got your e-mail today. He appreciates dealing with you rather than Mr. Philips. Mr. Philips was very rude to him and in fact lied to him when he told Gr3bin9 that he had no time and the transaction would be cancelled. Gr3bin9 appreciates your understanding of this and he knows you will not hurry him. Since he does not speak English very well, Mr. Grubin9 has me to respond to you. Gr3bin9 is still very worried about why Stephen, the guard at Barclays, did not know that Mr. Philips works there. Gr3bin9 will not pay the release fee until he sees a scan of a handwritten note from Stephen explaining why he said Mr. Philips does not work at the Barclays Bank on Fenchurch Street. Kindly provide a scan of such a handwriten note from Stephen.

Kindest Regards,

David replies to Gr3bin9 Grubin9:

Attn: Gr3bin9 Grubin9,

I am here to help you, I will be at the office by tomorrow, Kindly pay for the release tax fee , so that as soon as you come to the office you will have your fund. or better still we will have it transfered to your bank account.

I got the email from your friend, I will want him to understand that I am just a staff, so i will not work with any other person but you, as far as this transaction is concern.

THANKS

JACKSON DAVID
TRANSFER DEPARTMENT LONDON.
FAX: +447005980893
BANK TELL: +447005982336
OFFICE LINE: +447024094869

Now David to George Herman Ruth (me):

Good morning George Herman Ruth,

I got your email and I was very happy to read from you, But i can not understand why the security man said Such about Mr frank. However Mr Frank is not here at the momment, He travled to Thailand and will come back in the next threee weeks.

Kindly inform Gr3bin9 Grubin9 that his fund will be moved to thailand in the next 4 banking days for security reason if he do not act now to have it.

He should kindly pay for the release tax fee , so that as soon as you come to the office you will have your fund. or better still we will have it transfered to your bank account .

I will be waiting to hear from you soon.

THANKS

JACKSON DAVID
TRANSFER DEPARTMENT LONDON.
FAX: +447005980893
BANK TELL: +447005982336
OFFICE LINE: +447024094869

Now "The Babe" responds after a delay of nearly a week:

Dear Mr. David,

So sorry to be so long in getting back to you. I suppose Mr. Grubin9's money is now in Thailand. That does not present any problem at all. As I said, Gr3bin9 Grubin9 is a wealthy man who can easily travel to Bangkok if necessary to personally collect his funds.

However, Gr3bin9 has informed me that he will not have any further contact with you unless Stephen, the security man at the Fenchurch Street Bank, writes a handwritten statement explaining why he said that you friend does not work there. You need to send a scan of that handwritten statment to me so that I can show it to Gr3bin9. It must be on Barclays Bank stationery.

Regards,

Then, I guess I went over the top with this one:

George Herman Ruth to David:

Dear Mr. David,

You know, something just occurred to me. Mr. Grubin9 likes to use the Basanali word "pakabani" which he says means "mistake" in his native language. Perhaps the security man Stephen could use that word in his handwritten note. Have Stephen say that he made a "pakabani." This, I think, would please Gr3bin9 very much.

Warmest Regards,

George Herman Ruth

I definitely got his goat:

David to George Herman Ruth:

F**K YOU YOUR MOTHER!

Another from David to The Babe:

F**K YOUR MOTHER!

I responded both as George Herman Ruth and as Gr3bin9 Grubin9 asking nicely why we replied to me with those bad words but he has dropped me. I had him for three weeks. Not bad for one of my first baits.

Bunny Rabbit

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