Johns0n Mart1ns, the Mugu from Enugu (Straight Bait)

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Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 2:47 pm

The short version:

I did this one pretty straight, with no specific agenda other than to waste his time and slowly drive him nuts. Kept screwing up, getting off topic, taking offense at something all his supporting characters said to me, put him through a bit of 1TV5, and finally had him going around to 5 different bank branches looking for the right one that had his MoneyGram transfer. Maybe twice. Total, he piddled away about 3 months of his life on my stupid crap.

Thought it might be useful to post as there have been a lot of "How do I get started?" posts lately. Otherwise it's probably not that interesting unless you're a fan of my brand of wackiness. Search on "GOOD STUFF" repeatedly if you want to skip to his best bits. They're highlighted in red. Scambaiter commentary in (), mangled grammar on my part is intentional.

The long version:

______________________________________________________________

Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Date: Thu, 26 Oct 2006 10:23:26 +0100 (GMT+01:00)
From: "
Reply-to:
Subject: CONFIRM.
X-Originating-IP: 86.62.4.202 (Satellite ISP based in U.A.E.)

I AM MR.,THE BANK MANAGER OF ENUGU BRANCH NIGERIA.I WILL LIKE TO DO A VERY BRIEF BUSINESS WITH YOU, THERE IS A DORMANT ACCOUNT IN MY BANK WITH A CREDIT BALANCE OF USD$95,700,000) NINTY FIVE MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATE DOLLARS,WHICH HAS BEEN DORMANT FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS NOW. ON MY FURTHER INVESTIGATION, I DISCOVERED THAT THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT IS A FOREIGNER DIED ALSO TWO YEARS AGO IN A MOTOR ACCIDENT AND THAT HE LEFT NO BENEFICIARIES OR NEXT OF KIN TO THE ACCOUNT, BECAUSE HE WAS HIDDING THE SOURCE OF THE MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT.

WHAT I NEEDED FROM YOU IS TO STAND IN AS THE BENEFICIARY/ NEXT OF KIN TO THE ORIGINAL BENEFICIARY. AND THEN MY POSITION AS THE BANK BRANCH MANAGER GIVES
CLEARANCE FOR ONWARD REMISSION OF THIS FUND INTO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY.

AFTER THE BANK HAS ACCEPTED YOUR APPLICATION, AN ATTORNEY WILL SECURE ALL THE DOCUMENTS RELATED TO THIS ACCOUNT AND MY POSITION IN THE BANK GUARANTEES THE SUCCESSFUL EXECUTION OF THIS PROPOSAL.

KIND REGARDS,
MR.

(...blah blah, dead bank customer, blah blah, next of kin...)

______________________________________________________________

From: (I found some old syllables in the attic and stuck them together.)
To:

Dear Mr. ,

It is I, , that replies to you. I am very interested in the ninty five million seven hundred thousand United State dollars. Please let me know more of what is I need to do to get it, thank you.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear ,

Thanks for your mail,This is a simple transfer,All i want you to do is to be the beneficiary/next of kin to the late deceased Mr..As the next of kin you have to send application of claim to the bank headquaters for an onward approval of the fund in your name.My duty is to guide you on what and what to do as an insider in the bank to avoid mistake.

(a) you are taking no risk (b) it is a legal transaction (c) 30% of the total fund is for you and 65% for me and 5% for any expenses we may incur during the process of the transfer (d) we are talking of $95.7million usd (e) you will provide an account information where bank will remit the fund on your behalf as the beneficiary for me and you to share accordingly.

But before we proceed further i want us to develop a good business relationship so we can work hand to hand to actualise the success of this proposal within 14 working days.I will provide all the legal documents related to this transfer which will put you in place as the next of kin.

Please send me the following informations:

[1] your full name.

[2] your contact address.

[3] your phone and fax numbers.

[4] your international passport.

[5] your age.

[6] your occupation.

As soon as i recieve this informations from you i will update you on the next thing to do.Also i will send you my international passport for real identifications.

Call me on my mobile as soon as you receive this mail .

Regards,

Mr..

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Mr ,

Good to hear back from you. I try to call but am having problems making the international call work, sorry about this. I am still want to be next of kin for the late deceased Mr. , so here are the informations you requested, all 6 of them:

[1] My full name you should already have, The first name is Righteous, my family was raised Protestant Catholic and we often use names of virtues as names of peoples. For instance "Prudence", "Temperance", and in my case "Righteousness" (shortening to Righteous). is the family name, I believe it is Irish. The "J" is like junior Jr, except that is not used for womens so it is just J. Hope this understands you.

(To me this is one of the most fun bits of scambaiting, making up some total crap like my "name", and later trying to come up with an explanation for it that sounds halfway good.)

[2] I am located in: [My dropbox.], UNITED STATE. As it is a generic mailbox there is no need to put my name on it, just the mailbox number and it will get to me. Sometimes this causes delays if you put the name so please do not.

[3] The phone number is [XXX-XXX-XXXX], please to asking for my name when you are call. However our office is new and they have been working on the phones this week. So they sometimes are out service. And other times people will call and get the wrong number. So please be patient and keep trying. Or simply use e-mail if you cannot get through to me. Sorry but fax number I donot have.

[4] Sorry I have not international passport, only a domestic one, as I do not travel outside of Untied State.

[5] I am 32 years of old.

[6] I work at company as copy editor, editing copies of things that are copied needing to be edited. It is okay work and the moneys are fine, but it is always nice to have more, yes?

Please let me know what must be done next. I look forward to our business partnership.

Awaiting your reply, I am,

P.S. I notice your surname is Martins, in Untied State there is very prominent Doctor also called Martins, Doc for short, he is a foot specialist. Are you perhaps relation of him?

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear ,

Thanks very much for the informations given to me,Yes i now have confident in you as a business partner indeed.Definitely by tommorrow i will scan my international passport and send accross to you.Can you please send me you identity card or drivers licence so i perceive the face of whom i partnership with.

Below is the application format sign and send same to the bank headquaters for an onward approval of the fund in your name as the next of kin to late mr..

Thanks and God Bless,

Mr..
............................................................................................

THE DIRECTOR,

ENUGU,NIGERIA.
EMAIL ADDRESS:
TELEFAX:.
DATE.......................

RE: APPLICATION FOR THE RELEASE OF THE FUNDS VALUED AT $95.7MILLION USD.
............................................................................................

I WISH TO APPLY FOR THE RELEASE OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED AMOUNT DEPOSITED IN YOUR BANK ON JULY 9TH 2004, OF THE ACCOUNT NUMBER AND SWIFT CODE ,THE FUNDS WERE ORIGINALLY DEPOSITED BY MY PARTNER,MR .

I WOULD BE GRATEFUL IF MY HUMBLE REQUEST IS GRANTED.

YOURS FAITHULLY,

SIGNED.......................................

______________________________________________________________

(Notice the only blanks to fill were the date and a signature. I pretend to fill out the form and send it to his "bank". I also go out to a "model" website and grab a picture of some lady with her dog, and send it to him)

From:
To:

Dear ,

I receive your last message and it is good this transaction seems to be so easy to do. I have fill out the form you sent and will mail it to the bank starting tomorrow. Sorry but I can not send my identity card or drivers license as I need them to verify my identity and to drive, respectively, and if I send to you I will not have them myself anymore. However I do attach photo of me for you to find. This way your ability to perceive the face of whom you partnership with shall not be compromised. Photo shows me, , with the pet dog I keep for a pet. I am very interesting to see what you look like, hope you are an attractive man of my age!

Becoming hot betwixt the thighs, I am,

P.S. You do not answer to tell if you are related to "Doc" Doctor Martins the prominent foot specialist in Untied State? If it is not my business just please tell me so, I am only curious.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Thanks for your mail,And sequel to the content you are only sending me by attachment your indentity card or drivers licence ok, it does not mean that you cannot make use of them any longer.But your photo is widely okey as i can see the face of whom i partnership with.Please my dear are you a lady or a woman?To your question i am from africa and i don"t relate to any person in america but you and you alone.You must try your best to see that you send the application to the bank today unfailingly because there is no time on our side as december is fast approaching so we can conclude this business as soon as possible.Also make sure that you keep this transaction between me and you don't tell it to anybody else because secrecy is the key to success.

I attach my international passport to you and please call me on phone for oral discussion.

Thanks and God Bless,

Mr.Johnson.

(Here's the fake passport. From reading other people's baits I've seen far worse, but still an obvious forgery, look at the blocks of mismatched color.)

______________________________________________________________

(Heehee, it looks like love! Or at least Righteous sure thinks so...)

From:
To:

Dear Mr. ,

sequel to the content of your last message, I have seen your photo you have send and I must say you are one handsome devil! Please to not misunderstand, I mean nothing bad by this, "handsome devil" is a Untied States expression meaning you are very good looking man! It hats NOTHING to do with THE Devil aka "SATAN" I assure you! It just means you are a fine regal stud muffin and I find myself very attracting unto you! Perhaps we can arrange to meet in persons once our business is concluded?

Although, I nicely ask you to explain some thing as I am some what confustigated: Is "Johnson" your first name or your last (family) name? I must ask because your last message you are signed "Mr. Johnson", however your passport lists "Martins" as your surname. So sorry but I wish to be insured I address you proper.

I will have you know I print out the form you sent and mail it to the bank TODAY as you say. It must get there within this week. How will I know when it does, will the bank contact you, or me, or both of us?

I will love to call you for oral discussion, except I do not recall to think you have provide your phone number? If so can you please send it again? Or you may call me, [XXX-XXX-XXXX], this is number of where I work as copy editor editing copies of things copied needing to be edited, please to asking for my name when you are call. However our office is new and they have been working on the phones this week. So they sometimes are out service. And other times people will call and get the wrong number. So please be patient and keep trying. And you will need to call between 8:00 AM - 5:00 PM Monday-Friday as that is when I am at work, otherwise I will not be there. I would give you home telephone except I have room mate living in the same home as me, and I do not want her to listen at our conservation as you have said to keep our transaction a secret between just us.

Eagerly awaiting the next level of our relationship, I am,

P.S. Still you do not say if "Doc" Doctor Martins the prominent foot specialist in Untied State is of your relations? Perhaps not if your last name is Johnson, I am guessing this must be the case?

______________________________________________________________

(Whoops, almost forgot...)

From:
To:

Dear Mr. Johnson (Martins?),

I am so sorry, I just realize I forget to answer your question: It is okay to refer to me as either a "lady" or "woman", both mean the same thing in Untied States so either one is good.

Satiating your quest for knowleges, I am,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

As you have sent the form to the bank,they will only contact you as the next of kin and not me.I only invent this deal to you in other to front you and secure the fund and share with you,If the bank finds out that i am involve in the transaction,they cannot release the fund to you and my job in the bank will be terminated so becareful.And so far the bank contacted you,it is all your duty to keep me posted so i advise you on the next thing to do ok.Johnson is my first name and i did not relate to doc martins in america.

I can not call you in a public phone cos of the secret of this transaction.Please make sure that you sent the application form to the bank now.Also i want you to know the benefit of this business and take it more serious My number is .

Thanks Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

('s businesslike tone wounds Righteous...)

From:
To:

Dear Mr. Martins (In America it is commonly to address people as "Mr. Last Name". May I call you Johnson?)

Please did I offend you in some way good sir? Your latest message seems somewhat cold and unfeeling, just business-like. I know we are doing business together but I felt we might have something more than that, from when you call me "my dear" in your last message before your last message. Was I too forward to call you a handsome stud muffin? Us American womens are like that sometimes, when we see good-looking mens we have to POUNCE, otherwise he may be snatched up by some "skank-ass ho", as we call the other womens of whom we are jealous. If I was inappropriate, then for the purpose of our business I will retract my previous statement and state that I do not find you attractive in any way (even though of course I still DO, for you are on scrumptious hunk of MAN!!!)

But unto business: I understand, we must wait for the bank to contact me. As I have send out the form some days ago (2), it should not be long now. I assure you I do not mention your name in any way to the bank, it was easy not to as only the date and my signature were required on the form you give me which I send to them. I assure you I am being utmost careful in other to insure the fund is released to me. I will keep you posted as soon as the bank gets back to me.

I am in possession of your phone number, however it may be difficult for us to call. As I explain I have a room mate living in the same house so I can not call from home. At work I have my own private office to call from where no one will hear us talking, but it is not a good idea to make international calls from there as it is expensive and the accounting people will notice when they look at the phone bills. I am not in charge of the company, I am merely a lowly copy editor, editing copies of things copied needing to be edited, so I cannot charge expensive calls to the company or I will get in trouble. I will try to find another phone to call you from, perhaps a pay phone, although I do not know if they can make calls to another country, I will try to find this out. In the meanwhile e-mail is perhaps the safest way for us to communicate.

Struggling to keep professionalism above lust, I remain,

______________________________________________________________

( desperately tries to get Righteous to stick to the game plan...)

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Please for goodness sake resend the form to the bank,It seems that the bank did not receive any email from you ok.Lets do things massuredly.I confirm from the secretary of foriegn remittance department and there was no mail from you.Kindly resend the form to the bank.

Thanks,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Mr. Johnson (Martins?),

How are you? I am fine. There seem to have been a misunderstanding among us. When you say in a previous message to print and send the form, I print and send the form -- with a printer and sending it through the post office! I assumed since I have to have signed the form that was the only way to be doing it, otherwise anyone can print that form out and type their name in the signature line pretend to be me even if they are not me but someone else! So the foreign remittance department secretary at the bank should check their post office mail not their e-mail for the form which I have signed and send out as you have say. That is how they will be getting it.

Assuredly doing things massuredly, I remain,

P.S. Do you still like me?

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Yes i still like you but you are kidding with this transaction.I gave you email address of the bank.Please for security reasons,scan the form and attach it and send to the bank via email.Did i gave you the postal address of the bank or the bank postal box number.

Here is is bank contact.Copy the bank email address and send the form to the bank via email.

(Same form attached as before.)

______________________________________________________________

(Okay, let's try my "secure email encryption" modality.)

From:
To:

Dear Mr. ,

I assure you I do NOT kidding around when it comes to this much moneys. Please, it is not my fault your instructions are unclear. I am trying my best to follow them and get us both our share of the moneys but I do not do bank transaction like this before. I have not much money myself, only about $12000 in bank savings and am hoping to use my share from Mr for buying a house to live. You must not doubt me, it is not nice!

You say "security reasons" why I must send the form via email, however email is very less secure than a postal letter. I TRUST YOU but there are many computer hackers hacking into computers who may intercept my email and get the form. That is why I send it by regular post office. I talk to my co-worker at , where I work as copy editor editing copies of things copied needing to be edited, and he tells me I should use Secure Socket Headers (SSH) when to send sensitive email. This uses ENCRYPTION to hide the details of email so any computer hackers hacking into computers
will not be able to see it. To do this I will need 2 things from you: (1) IP address of the computer to where the email I send will be send and (3) A CODE of 25 letters/numbers which you must decide on and set up on your machine, please search online for how to do this with your email program, I know not what one you use. It can be anything, just make something up. (4) Please send this code to me IN 5 SEPARATE EMAIL MESSAGES with a note indicating what order they go in, this way no computer hackers hacking into computers will intercept the entire code. If you will agree to do this I have print out the form and will immediately send to the bank email.

In answer of your other question, I send the printed paper form to the same bank address in the form you gave me below,
THE DIRECTOR,

You must explain, how you know the bank has not receive any emails from me, did you ask them?? If you are so concern about security you should not be making inquiries about this account, it may attract their attention! Please be more carefull!

Heart soaring to know of your still liking me, I am,

P.S. Send ENCRYPTION KEY soon please!!

______________________________________________________________

(Johnson to Righteous: "FOCUS!!")

From:
To:

Dear,

Listen to me i am a banker and i introduce you to this transaction,I know much than you.It is better you follow my instruction otherwise we cannot conclude this proposal.I use idea to ask the secretary of remittance department if any mail come in the name of any next of kin to Mr.walter anrews and he said no.I know what i am doing, I am not kidding.

Just sign the form and send to the bank email address and wait for the responds from the bank,I am here to advise you on what to do to see the success of this transaction.Yes you will use your percentage to buy a house and i will use my own to buy shares in a lucrutive companies in america and i will reside in america for the rest of my life.

Stop delaying this business, I want us to conclude this transaction before december and i want do xmas in america with my family.Send the form to the bank via email and i assures that bank will contact you immediately and as long as i am concern no body will hack the form.

Thanks,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear,

I try to follow your instruction before, but it was not clear that I was to send the form to the bank by email, you say print and send the form so that is what I do through regular postal mail! You must be very clear about what to do in the future, I do not know these things and do not like to play guessing games because I am not good at them.

But if you say sending the form through email is safe then I will believe you, after all it is only date and signature, any computer hackers hacking into computers could not do much with that. I am glad you are concern, please stay that way until the form gets there. I will use the scanner at work so I will send it to the bank Monday or Tuesday next week, I am at home the weekend.

You do not mention before that you have family in America. Where do they live? I wonder why you do not ask them for help with the bank instead of me, you could spoke them in your native language (I think English is not your first?) and could explain things better to them.

Until next time, I remain,

______________________________________________________________

(Righteous was actually going to scan and mail the form, but Johnson came back first with this:)

From:
To:

Dear,

Thanks for your mail and sequel to the content,Please try to understand my words,I did not have families in america but i will come to america with my family as soon as we conclude this transaction,My family means my wife and my kids.

Listen this bank have their procedure,They do not receive forms by post,Everything shall be done by email,fax,and phone.You cannot go beyond the bank procedure ok.I have told you before that you are kidding with this proposal.Look i am forcing you to do this business with,I can easily get another foreigner to transact with if you are still delaying this business.

I am not happy with you by making arguments,I hate blames Do what i ask you to do and we simply get this transaction concluded in one faith and make good monies for our future benefits

I said print the form,sign the form,put in date , scan the form and send it to the bank via email and you can as well contact the bank via phone after sending the form,I think this is very clear.

Thanks,

Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(Righteous gets pissed!)

From:
To:

Johnson,

#1 - Please start addressing me by my name, it is , do not simply call me "Dear" anymore as it is obvious our relationship has not progressed to that point.

#2 - If the bank does not receive forms by post then WHY DID THE FORM YOU SENT ME INCLUDE THEIR ADDRESS?? You are the one who told me to "SIGN AND SEND" the form, those were your EXACT WORDS, why didn't you explain it had to be by e-mail if it was that important? I have your original email if you do not believe me.

#3 - Because YOU have not tell me to send by e-mail not regular mail, you should APOLOGIZE. It is not cheap to send things by foreign mail, this is the RIGHT THING TO DO because YOU SCREWED UP. If you cannot understand this simple thing then WE ARE DONE.

#4 - I will WAIT TO SEND THE BANK THE FORM until we resolve this personal crisis between us. If we cannot resolve it I will TELL THE BANK about this account and you and what you are planning to do to steal this money which is NOT YOURS, then no one will get it! I will also tell the NIGERIA GOVERNMENT about you, DO YOU THINK I KIDDING NOW???

STOP BEING A DICK. We can still resolve this nicely. Let me know.

Unbelieving I ever wanted to go out with you,

______________________________________________________________

(Johnson apologizes and tries to get this train wreck back on track.)

From:
To:

Dear ,

Thanks for your mail and all your word well noted,I have no problem with you,All i trying to do is for the benefit of you and i,Please don't misunderstood me for no just cost.I am making a deal and not stealing anybodies fund,Even my government and everybody knows what is a deal.I am from a rich and well connected family i am not afriad of anything.All i want is to acheive my goal in this transaction.Try to understand me I am a banker and i want you to send the form to the bank headquaters via email,In the first place i include the bank email address and bank address is to show that bank that really you are a next of kin to their customer.

Please resolve every negetivity let us go forward and conclude this transaction in one faith,My assurance is this you will regret nothing dealing with me.The money you spend to send the form by post you will surely get it back as long as i am concern.So my dear Righteous Please just send the form to the bank via email and see the reality by yourself that bank will contact you immediately but for the post they will not contact you.Let us go forward instead of complaining.

Thanks,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Mr. ?,

Thank you for the nice reply, I also wish to apologize for losing my temper at you, I have found it again and think you deserve me to explain. The last 3 days I have been going through a very emotional "period" in which my emotions are very sensitive, in the Untied State we call it "a visit from Aunt Flo", if you still do not understand ask your wife and she will explain to you. That I think was part of my problem, I find out from your prequel email you have a wife and kids. I guess this should come as no surprise that a studlicious stallion such as yourself has already been taken, but still it hits me hard. I understand now that your businesslike demeanor is because you are already in lifetime relationship, it is not personal. Thus it was wrong for me to get so mad, I am sorry, perhaps you can send a picture of your family?

You have also cleared up the detail of the bank transaction well. In Untied States impersonating a relative of a dead person to get their moneys is not allowed, I assumed it was the same in your country, so I thank your explaining this. In the future to avoid confusion please try to share ALL informations with me, not just the small informations but also the big informations, and also the medium-sized ones.

I have done as you say and scan the form and sent to the bank, I have attached a copy for you as well so you will see it is true. Now I have proved my commitment to this deal, it is your turn.

I shall continue our business as:

______________________________________________________________

(Righteous sends the form to "The Director" at ...)

From:
To: "" ()

Dear Mr. Director (may I call you The?),

Please attached find application for the release of funds valued at $95.7 million dollars Untied States, of the account of foreigner Mr , account number , which died 2 years ago in a motor accident. I am his next of kin or possibly partner. And wish to stand in as the beneficiary. Also advice on any additional actions I need to undertake to secure said funds.

Expectorating on your reply, I am,

______________________________________________________________

From: ""
To:
Subject: VERIFICATIONS.
X-Originating-IP: (The exact same IP Johnson has been using. Anybody the least bit surprised?)
Return-Path:

ATTANTION:SIR/MADAM,

RE:APPROVAL OF THE FUND VALUED AT THE TUNE OF $95.7MILLION USD.
...............................................................

THE MANAGEMENT WILL VERIFY YOUR APPLICATION AND GET BACK TO YOU WITHIN [24] TWENTY FOUR BANKING WORKING HOURS BY THE DIRECTOR OF FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATIONS.

MRS..
SECRETARY,REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.

--
_______________________________________________
Get your free email from http://www.graffiti.net

Powered By Outblaze

(Oh yeah, this looks like it came from a real bank alright. What a load of Chika Baloney.)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Thanks for your mail,And thanks for the form sent to the bank,My promises to you is that i am coming to america to partnership with you in so many business as soon as this fund is being credited to your account.We have enough monies to do many business and you will retire from your present job.

Relax my dear,you have nothing to worry about,The total $95.7 million usd is coming direct to your bank account as the next of kin to mr..

Please do not be angry for me because all i am trying to do is to see that this transaction is concluded and fund been transferred to your account,I think there will be no reason for you to complain neither be nervous for my sake.

I want you to become a rich woman all the days of your life and to be a good freind of mine and my wife since we have no other person in america.Also as soon as the bank responds to you try to keep me posted because i am an insider in the bank ,My duty is to advise you on what to do so that you will not make mistake their by jeoperdising the success of the entire transaction.

Have confident in me and our God who gives us this opportunity to become rich in our future.And i beleive we will rejoice together when we meet ourselfs face to face america.

Thanks and God Bless,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(Okay, time for a little goofy nonsense...)

From:
To:

Dear Mr. ,

I receive e-mail today that the bank has received my application, they promise to get back to me within 24 banking working hours. I will let you know what they say as soon as they say what they say. It may not be until Friday as tomorrow is Thanks Giving holiday, do your banks close for that? Ours do. I will probably not reply until next week as I will be with family for Thanks Giving holiday, then after Thanks Giving is the day after Thanks Giving is when all the stores have sales so I must get my holidays shopping done. And after that it is Ooble on the Urk of Bellybutton Steve Day, do they celebrate that in your country as well? If not when you come to Untied States I will have to show you what it is all about.

Happy Thanks Giving and day after Thanks Giving and Ooble on the Urk of Bellybutton Steve Day to you from,

______________________________________________________________

From: ""
To:

ATTANTION:SIR/MADAM,

THE BANK HAVE APPROVED YOUR APPLICATION AFTER VERIFICATION.PLEASE SEE ATTACH FILES FOR DETAILS.

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATIONS.

MR..
DIRECTOR,REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.

(Hey, what happened to Chika Baloney? Attached is the typical give-us-all-your-info form. I've reformatted to GIF since for some reason he sent it as a 1.7 MB bitmap.)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Thanks for your mail,And the information received from the bank,Please note that there is nothing like thanks given holidays here in africa and nigeria in particular.So you must have to make out time to check your mail as the bank have said to get back to you within 24 hours.Mind you that the bank remittance department will not tolerates any delay from their customer otherwise they will cancel the release of the fund on your behalf.

Again any expenses you make in regards to this transaction will be paid back to you as soon as bank transfer the fund to your account in america,that is why i map out 5% of the total fund for any expenses we may incur during the process of this transaction.Also bear it in mind that i am making a lot of expenses for the success of this proposal,I have contacted a lawyer who will secure the necessary documents which will put you in place as the beneficiary of the fund.

[1] inheritance tax receipt and [2] certificate of inheritance.

Please my dear try your possible best to corporate with the bank remittance department so that our effort towards the success of this transaction will not be jeoperdised.

Thanks and God Bless,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(When Righteous doesn't reply, Johnson gets impatient. That's a good sign.)

From:
To:

Dear ,

What is going on.Are you still on the holidays that you cannot reply to my mails and you cannot tell me the position of things with the bank.I have told you in the first place that you are kidding with this transaction.Do you realise the value of the money that is involve in this transaction.What else do you think you are doing more important than this.

Please tell me more.

Thanks,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(Of course Righteous doesn't completely understand the bank form...)

From:
To: ""

Salutations Mr. ,

'Tis I, Sequel to your last message, I have some question about the form you send to me:

1. What is meant by line [4], "identity card"?

2. And also by line [10], "sorting code"?

3. Why must the bank open a file in my name there? Why can't I just use my own account in Untied States to transfer the moneys to it and avoid paying $1750 charges? I was told I could do this.

4. Who is this ? I would wish to speak with him before I send any moneys to his name.

I am sorry I am unable to reply to this in 24 banking working hours, as Thursday I am with family for Thanks Giving holiday. Then after Thanks Giving is the day after Thanks Giving is when all the stores have sales so I had to get my holidays shopping done. And after that it is Ooble on the Urk of Bellybutton Steve Day. So I am busy and not okay to reply until now.

Until such time as I am not, I am,

______________________________________________________________

(Righteous reads Johnson the riot act again.)

From:
To:

Johnson,

It seems I am having problem with you yet again. Still you do not tell me all the informations I need, even after I ask and you say you do!

I receive form from your bank, they want $1750 sent through Western Union for "stamp duties". NEVER ONCE DO YOU TELL ME THIS IS NEEDED!

The bank also tells me I must open a file in my name at your bank! NEVER ONCE DO YOU TELL ME THIS IS NEEDED! In your original message you tell me I can just transfer the moneys into my own account in MY country! I have this original message in case you think I am lieing!

On top of this you also tell me I must respond in 24 banking working hours or I may LOSE MY CLAIM TO THE MOENY! NEVER ONCE DO YOU TELL ME THIS IS NEEDED! I explain to you, Thursday I am with family for Thanks Giving holiday. Then after Thanks Giving is the day after Thanks Giving is when all the stores have sales so I had to get my holidays shopping done. And after that it is Ooble on the Urk of Bellybutton Steve Day. If it is that urgent YOU SHOULD HAVE TELL ME BEFORE! AGAIN you are keeping details from me, YOU are the one who is kidding around with me! You do not talk to me, you do not LISTEN to me! How dare you try to say that holidays with my family is not important! I am not even sure I want to help you any more. YOU are the Bank Manager so YOU must have set these policies. WHY??? I have to say, your bank is the worst bank ever. You would not last 1 day in Untied States, as people here would not put up with this kind of crappy service.

Like angry dogs at a fence post, I am,

(Okay you're probably wondering, "Angry dogs... What the hell?" I sometimes like to use strange little phrases, to see if the scammers pick them up for their own use. I'm convinced that's where the whole "Sequel to your message" thing got started.)

P.S. I got you a Ooble on the Urk of Bellybutton Steve Day present, but now I am not sure I even want to send it to you.

______________________________________________________________

(Righteous also chews out the bank a little.)

From:
To: ""

Salutations Mr. ,

I originally submit application to your bank by regular (postal) mail. But it DOES NOT GET THERE!! A manager at your bank tells me you do not do business by regular mail, I must send by e-mail. But he tells me this TOO LATE, so I have LOSE MONEY sending you the form. YOUR BANK IS THE WORST BANK EVER!!!

______________________________________________________________

From: ""
To:

DEAR CUSTOMER,

THE BANK CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT.WE HAVE MANY FOREIGN CUSTOMERS HERE IN THE BANK,YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY CUSTOMER WE HAVE.WE CANNOT
TRANSFER YOUR FUND IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO FOLLOW THE BANK PROCESS.

WHERE DO WE TRANSFER THE FUND IF YOU DID NOT FILL THE FORM AND RETURN TO US.IF THE BANK DID NOT OPEN YOUR FILE HOW CAN WE TRANSFER YOUR FUND TO YOU.

THE STAMP DUTIES FEE WILL HELP US TO OPEN A FILE IN YOUR NAME AS A NEXT OF KIN TO THE ORIGINAL BENEFICARY AND PROCESS THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND.

WE ARE GIVEN YOU BENEFIT OF DOUT FOR ANOTHER 24 HOURS TO FILL THE FORM AND RETURN BACK TO US AND SEND THE STAMP DUTIES FEE SO WE CAN PROCESS YOUR PAYMENT.

NOTE:THAT IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO COMPLY WITH THE BANK PROCEDURE THAT THE BANK WILL CANCEL THE RELEASE OF YOUR FUND.

(Yeah, yeah, yeah...)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear ,

Thanks for your mail and sequel to the content,It seems that you don't know what is a deal neither you know what is business.I am making a deal with you thats all.

We both must work hard to actualise the deal and make good monies thats what mean.Good news that the bank have accepted your application before they can send you a form.Please for goodness sake fill the form accordingly and send the form back to the bank.

Yes the bank must have to open files in your name because you are not the original beneficiary and also send the stamp duty fees to the bank for it will enable the bank open the file in your own name as the new beneficiary before they can transfer the fund to your account.

I told in the first place to co-operate with the bank so they will transfer the fund to you,You knows very well that you are not the next of kin to mr. but me and you are making this deal to secure the fund.

$1750 is a small money to compare with the fund to be transfer in your account,please kindly send the money to the bank and fill the form also and send to them so thay will beleive that you are the next of kin to mr. and release the total $95.7million usd to your account.

Thanks,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Johnson,

NO. I tells you before, until I am apologized for the mail I send because of your mistake, I DO NOTHING. This is the way of things. YOU should pay the $1750 not me, it is even smaller amount if you will be getting 65% of the $95.7 million, why are you so cheap?

______________________________________________________________

From:
To: ""

Dear Bank,

Why does it cost money to open account with you? In Untied States banks do not ask people to pay such huge sums to open accounts. Most banks do not even talk. I already have account in Untied States, I will give you that infos but you say you will not transfer money to it. Also you do not answer my questions about the form, and do not even acknowledge why you do not receive mail when I send mail which you do not receive.

You are the worst bank ever. Probably not FDIC insured too. Let me talk to a human, I do not talk to buildings. Except that one time.

______________________________________________________________

From: ""
To:

DEAR CUSTOMER,

WITH REFERENCE TO YOUR MAIL,THE ENTIRE BANK HAS BELEIVE THAT YOU ARE NOT THE NEXT OF KIN TO OUR LATE CUSTOMER.THEREFORE WE THANK GOD SO MUCH THAT WE DID NOT MAKE PAYMENT TO A WRONG BENEFICIARY.

AND SO WE HAVE CANCEL THE WHOLE ARRENGEMENT TO TRANSFER ANOTHER PERSON FUND TO YOU. A SCAMMER???????.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Listen to me i am not ready to make arguments with you.I have try my best to do this business with you but i can see that you don't know the value of making big money.

If you cannot do what the bank ask you to doto actualise this transfer,then no business with you,i will make another contact for a real partner to make money with him.

Thanks and good bye.

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Johnson,

I *TRY* to do what the bank asks but they do not answer my questions! These are questions about what I need to write when filling out the forms! Maybe you will help me, for example, what is meant by "identity card" and "sorting code", I ask the bank but they just threaten to cancel the transaction, they do not help me! The bank's English is bad, not nearly as easy to understand as yours, and I think they do not know what I am saying.

Also they want me to send money to a guy "", I do not know who this is! I ask the bank to have him talk to me but they just ignore me!

I *WANT* to do this business but your bank is horrible, they make me very hard on.

If you want to look for someone else it is okay, I understand. But until you find someone else please try to work with the bank to work with me. Otherwise I must take my $12000 used for somewhere else.

By me I mean,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To: ""

Dear The Bank,

Why do you call me "scammer" just because I do not reply within 24 banking working hours? This is not nice. I *TRY* to follow your instructions but you do not answer my questions when I have them:

1. What is meant by line [4], "identity card"?

2. And also by line [10], "sorting code"?

4. Who is this ? I would wish to speak with him before I send any moneys to his name.

Answer me these and the form will be submitted. I AM NOT SCAMMER!!

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Please Righteous,

For goodness sake just fill the form and send it to the bank and send the money to them to open files in your name.you have no problem the bank must transfer the fund you.i am with you do not question the bank for any reason.just follow their instructions.

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(Okay, naughty language warning here.)

From:
To:

GOD DAMN IT JOHNSON WILL YOU PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND FUCKING --LISTEN-- TO ME YOU LITTLE BITCH????

I am ---*TRYING*--- to write to the bank but THEY DO NOT ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!!!! HOW CAN I FILL THE FORM IF THEY DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I AM SUPPOSED TO PUT THERE???? THEY DO NOT EXPLAIN ANYTHING, THEY JUST IGNORE ME!!! AND YOU TELL ME TO "JUST DO WHAT THEY SAY"!!! This is STUPID, I am WASTING MY TIME WITH YOU!

Burn in Hell,

______________________________________________________________

From: ""
To:

DEAR CUSTOMER,

THE BANK CANNOT ENTERTAIN ANY NONSENSE QUESTION FROM YOU.AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO LATE MR. JUST FILL THE FORM ACCORDINGLY AND SEND IT BACK TO US AND SEND JUST $1750 DOLLARS TO OPEN A FILE IN YOUR NAME, BEING THE CHARGE FOR STAMP DUTIES.

IF YOU HAVE BANK ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY YOU WILL KNOW WHAT IS BANK SORTING CODE, IDENTITY CARD MEANS YOUR COMPANY I.D CARD THATS YOUR INDENTIFICATION CARD EITHER DRIVERS LICENCE OR INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT OR ANY ID CARD WITH PHOTOS

MR. IS YOUR ACCOUNT OFFICER HERE, HE WILL BE INCHARGE TO CLEAR YOUR STAMP DUTY FEE FROM WESTERN UNION OFFICE AND OPEN A FILE IN YOUR NAME.

THIS IS VERY SIMPLE, I AM A BANK DIRECTOR.WHO DO YOU THINK I AM, DON�T YOU HAVE FATHERS IN YOUR COUNTRY.JUST FOLLOW THE BANK INSTRUCTIONS AND THE BANK WILL TRANSFER YOUR FUND TO YOUR ACCOUNT IF YOU ARE NOT A SCAMMER.

I AM HERE AS THE BANK DIRECTOR TO HELP EVERY BANK CUSTOMER,IF YOU DID NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BANK TRANSFER PROCESS YOU CAN CONTACT YOUR BANK MANAGER IN YOUR COUNTRY TO ASSIST.

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATION.

MR..

(Finally, he answers my questions. Sent this mail twice, to make sure I got it.)

______________________________________________________________

(So, of course, I write Johnson and pretend I didn't!)

From:
To:

Johnson,

Please help I am worried, I write to the bank again to try and straighten things out but I get this message saying it is undeliverable! I try 3 times, get the same result! Please find out what is happening here!

Lost without the Bank is,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

What and what do you want to be explained.I think i know much more better than you concerning everything banking.just where don't you understand.The bank director cannot explain anything to any customer instead he will cancel the release of the fund if you don't know what you suppose to do as a next of kin ok.

Just what do you want or you forget the entire transaction, i simply contact another person.And please do not insult me again.

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Okay Johnson, ONE LAST TIME:

1. What is meant by "identity card" in the form the bank sends me?

2. What is meant by "sorting code" in theform the bank sends me?

3. Why must I open a new account at YOUR bank? Your original message says I can transfer the money to MY ACCOUNT in MY BANK. (I still have that message if you do not believe me.)

4. Who is this "" the bank is asking me to send the money to? I have never even spoken with this person. WHO IS HE?

If your reply does not answer ALL FOUR OF THESE QUESTIONS, then you can find someone else to put up with this stupid crap because no amount of money is worth this and I am SICK OF IT.

I am also,

______________________________________________________________

(The "bank" has a sudden change of heart, giving Righteous more time. They also have a new e-mail address.)

From: "" ()
To:

DEAR CUSTOMER,

THE BANK HAVE GIVEN YOU ANOTHER [24] TWENTY FOUR HOURS TO FILL THE FORM AND RETURN SAME BACK TO US AND ALSO SEND $1750 DOLLARS BEING THE CHARGE FOR STAMP
DUTY FEES WHICH WILL ENABLE THE BANK OPEN A FILE IN YOUR NAME AND TRANSFER YOUR FUND TO YOUR ACCOUNT IN YOUR COUNTRY.

THANKS FOR YOUR CO-OPERATIONS.

MR..
DIRECTOR,REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Okey Righteous ,

This are all simple question,But i personally have one question for you.Do you want to do this business with me or not?

[1] your identity card is your personal data which bank will hold before they will transfer the fund to you in america.your drivers licence or your international passport is your indentity card.do what the bank requires you to do to see that they transfer the fund to your account in america.

[2] sorting code means your bank account swift code.your bank account in america has swift code if you don't know that you can ask your bank manager in america to tell you.

[3] you are not opening a new account with my bank already mr. has an account,you are sending the $1750 to the bank for stamp duty fee.this stamp duty fee will enable the bank open files in your name and the files will enable them to transfer the fund to your account in america.

[4] mr is a staff of the bank remittance department.he will go to western union office to receive the money when you send it and he will monitor the transfer of the $95.7m into your account in america.

Listen you can send me the form to fill it on your behalf and forward it to the bank.If you wants to do business with me,all you need is to co-operate with the bank to see that they transfer the fund to your account in america.once the bank transfer the total $95.7 million usd to your account in america,i think me and you are the champion financially.

Thanks,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Johnson,

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

(I send him about a whole page of this.)

I understand now!!!!!!!
That was not so hard was it!!!!!!!
Why must the bank make things so difficult!!!!!!!

I am sure much of this seems obvious to you since you do banking for a living, but to me who is a copy editor editing copies of things copied needing to be edited, it is not.

I will be glad to work you you from now on, you are much easier to deal with than the other bank people. Now I just need one more thing, can you re-send the form? Sorry but I got mad at the bank when they were not helpful and I tore it up, so I need a new one. And one other thing, can you arrange for Mr to get in touch with me? I prefer to talk with people before I can send him that much money.

Anticipating closure, I am,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

I get the form from the secretary of remittance department,i am taking risks for your sake by demanding this form.There is need for your to speak with mr. because everything relies on mr. .He is in better position to transfer the fund to your account in america.Mr. is a junior worker,working under mr. ,so you relate very well with mr. please because he is the director of foreign remittance department.

Just do what mr. tells you and i will be explaining everything to you if don't understand.

I attach the form to you,Please fil it now and send it to the bank without delay and consider me your partner and send the stamp duty fee to them,With me you will gain $1750 by twenty times and more so.

Mr.Johnson.

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 2:48 pm

Continued...

From:
To:

Dear Mr Johnson,

Thank you for the form, I have filled it out and will scan it and mail it tonight. (I am at work now, and am supposed to be editing copies of things copied needing to be edited.) Can you tell me the bank's current e-mail.

Sorry but I do not want to work with Mr . This man is clearly a moron, he is the one who repeatedly failed to answer my simple questions about the form. It is obvious he barely understands English and his customer service skills are execrable. I would prefer to work directly with you, or with if his English skills are as good as yours. Since works for Mr Danhuma he should be able to pass along everything I say, and perhaps even help him to understand it better.

Considering you my partner, I am,

______________________________________________________________

(Later that night...)

From:
To:

Mr Johnson,

I have attached the form as I said I would. Please make sure it goes to the right person at the bank. Preferably someone who can read it. Thank you.

(I attached the completed form, filled out with completely bullcrap information. I scanned it really big, and sideways.)

______________________________________________________________

(Johnson gets a lot nicer once he thinks Righteous is serious.)

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Thanks you very much for the well filled form,I am have printed the form and have presented it to the remittance department on your behalf.Please inorder for us to conclude this transaction do not consider the way mr. handle you in the first place,Because he is doing his job.Mr don't understand english very well and he has no right to transfer the fund to your account in america.As i have presented your form to the remittance department mr. is very happy with you now ok.

Let us just happilly conclude the transfer of this fund in your account in america.Without wasting time please go to western union office now and send $1750 dollars to the bank so they can process the transfer of the fund in your account in america immediately.Note for the secret of this transaction if you get to the western union office and they ask you the reason for sending the money to nigeria,tell them that you are buying african arts?

As soon as you send the money by western union,send the senders and receivers information to the bank immediately,so that they will open the file in your name and transfer the $95.7 million dollars to your account in america without delay.The bank current email address is: .

If you cannot send the senders and receivers information to the bank,send it to me i will present it to the remittance department so they can clear the money from western union here and open the file in your name and transfer our $95.7miilion to you account in america.I am preparing to come to america so that me and you will meet face to face as soon as the bank transfers the fund in your account in america.

Thanks very much my Dear.

Mr. Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(Righteous was JUST ABOUT to send that money, when...)

From:
To:

Johnson,

WE NEED TO TALK!!!

I am become very concern about your intentions. This afternoon I take $1750 money out of the $12000 I have in savings and take it cash to Western Union to send it to your bank. Like you say they ask what it is for, and I tell them buying African arts. Then they warn me about "Advanced Fee Frauds", where someone saying they are a bank and ask to send money in advance for fees. They say you will take the money and disappear! Or you will say there is new fees I must pay in addition the $1750, until I have no more moneys to give!

I must say this makes a lot of sense:

It explains why your "bank" always ignore my questions and do not answer them.
It explains why your "bank" only want to do business through e-mail and fax.
It explains why the form I send to your "bank" by postal mail does not get there, the address you give me is fake!

I want to see evidence of this money, that it actually exist. You say that it does but there is no proof to me! Unless you have pretty good explains for all of this, I am going to take actions against you!

Disappointed by your disappointment,

(God, can you believe this bait is only halfway through at this point??)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Thanks very much for your questions,And please stop thinking otherwise if you really wants us to conclude this business.One thing you refuse to understand is that they are many enemies of progress,That is why i told you incase if you went to western union and any body ask you why sending money to nigeria,you shall tell him nor her is for buying african arts.

Anwser to your questions.

[1]The bank remittance department does not know you before, neither they have any thing to do with you in future but only for you as a next of kin to follow the bank instructions and they will transfer your fund to you.You will not pay them any money after you receive your fund.So they don't have any time for any customer.But you Righteous knows the deal you are doing.once they transfer the fund to your account in america you have win?wheather they ignore your question or not you win and thats great you are not given them any part of the fund.

[2] The bank does not do business but they have their procedure of transferring money to any of their customer so that they will not transfer money to a wrong person,so they will be very careful because if transfer money to a wrong person,he will pay back the money to the bank.Is either a next of kin come to the bank in person or he will send email or fax and thats why they demand your identification card and your contact address,incase if you are a wrong person they can trace you.

[3] The bank has a postal box number,inwhich all letters come to their box,because post offices here in nigeria do not carry letters house to house or address to address or strret to street but they put your letters in your postal box in which you will have to come to post office to check wheather there is any letter in your box.

[4] I surelly knows that $95.7 million dollars is coming to your account in america with me and i am spending much money to see that nothing stops the bank from transferring the fund to your account in america.In the first place I pay my lawyer $65000.00 dollars to secure two documents in your name which will put you in place as the real next of kin to mr. before the bank remittance department, so they will not suspect you.One of this document is certificate of inherittance and two inherittance tax receipt.I am not sleeping over this transaction because i need the fund be transferred to your account in america so that i will resign from my job as a bank manager and come over to america to take my share and do business in america.

[5] For the evidance of the fund existence,i attach the statement of account to late mr..So please there is no time on our side Trust me because i trusted you so we can become partners indeed for long time and i advise you resign from you own job as aditor and do nice business with your own share also.

please send $1750 via western union to the bank, do not listen to any body,Just trust me.the reason for sending them the money is for stamp duty fees which will enable the bank open files in your own name as the next of kin and they will transfer $95.7 million to your account in america immediately.

Mr.Johnson.

(He attaches this fake account statement. I love the address he gives for the dead customer.)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Mr Johnson,

Sorry but I am still not convinced, here is why:

[1] I DID tell the Western Union people that the money was for Arfican arts. However they tell me that a lot of people committing "Advanced Fee Fraud" TELL their victims to say such things to the Western Union people! It make me very suspicion.

[2] You say your "bank" does not have time for customers?!?!? This make no sense! Bank is ALL ABOUT their customers, no customers means no bank! You keep saying "for goodness sake just do this, do that", I think it is because you just want me giving you moneys so you can take them!

[2] You say the bank is very careful to transfer money to a wrong person but I AM A WRONG PERSON! I am not the next of kin to Mr , and they are going to find out! Then they will trace me, you said so yourself!

[3] If the bank has a postal box WHY DO THEY NOT CHECK IT?? I send the form out almost a month ago by postal mail but they do not answer it! I spend lots of moneys to send the form FAST but your bank never check his mail!

[4] If you are spending so much ($65,000) then what difference does a little more make, $1750 is small but it will allow me to see that you are honest, willing to compensate when you made mistake not telling me not to send by postal mail because the bank does not get it! You have alrady spend so much what is a little more? Here is my idea, you pay the bank the $1750 and in return you may have 70% of the total fund once this completes, I will take only 25% not 30%, you may have my extra 5%. That is how much your trust is worth to me!

[5] You say you have secure two documents in my name, I WANT TO SEE THESE DOCUMENTS. The certificate of interitance and two inheritance tax recepit! Please send copies of them to me!

[5] I inspect the statement of account you send and it is strange for two reasons: (1) The address you give for the bank is different than on the form I fill out with my informations and send to you! (2) The deposit date of the $95.7 million is given as year 2004 yet your original message say the account is dormant for THREE years, that means it should be deposit in 2003 not 2004! These make me very suspicion.

(Of course neither of these points are true, I'm just messing with him.)

[6] I am not aditor, I am copy editor editing copies of things copied needing to be edited, and I cannot resign at this time as there are no other copy editors to edit copies of things copied needing to be edited which I could not edit if I were not copy editor editing copies of things copied needing to be edited, so the things copied would not get edited as there are no copy editors editing copies of things copied needing to be edited to edit them!

[7] You say not listen to anybody, I will not listen to YOU until you explain things better!

I think I just peepered in my pantsers,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

This is my first mail to you the account is dormat for two years.If you said three years, i think you are kidding?

(He attaches his original scam-spam.)

______________________________________________________________

(GOOD STUFF starts here. He gives an ultimatum:)

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Thanks for all your irrelivants questions.I am a rich man ok.I don't need your money for anything.I have explain much more to you for better understanding but you think this is a joke.And thats why Mr. is harch on you because you don't even know what ever to do in your life,If not a bank customer know what to do whenever he come to the bank,it is simple for you to do what bank directed to you as a customer,No bank director can ever listen to you,if you want be a customer if you don't want to be a customer you forget,Every bank has more than one million customers,so therefore you cannot be different from other customers.I am making a deal with you thats all.If don't want to finalise the deal with me thats no problem, i am tired of you as off this useless questions after much explainations.

I have paid my lawyer to secure the documents in your name and to present them before the bank remitance department,This documents will puts you in place as the next of kin to mr.walter andrews.

Me and you are makings deal, i spend big money on my side to see the deal concluded in good faith so that no one will ever trace you after the bank has transferred the fund to your account in america but you are busy telling me unwarranted words and using unwarranted ideas,This simple means that you don't need the fund to be transferred to your account in america.Another person can do it perfectly.If you cannot send the $1750 to the bank today forget this deal.

Good bye.

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(I let him stew an extra day, then slap him.)

From:
To:

Dear Johnson Dickhead McAsshole,

How DARE you speak to me this way, telling me I know not what to do with my life! I am a quite successful copy editor, editing copies of things copied needing to be edited! I am very successful and very satisfied with myself. Stop thinking you are so much better than me just because you are rich! If you are so rich why do you need to steal $95.7 million from a bank by committing FRAUD? Because that is what you are doing!

All I asked for was some explanation based on what the Western Union guy told me, but you can't even do that. You say you are rich, why don't YOU pay the $1750, then just take it out of your share of the $95.7 millions? You say you have paid to have documents secured in my name, LET ME SEE THOSE DOCUMENTS. If you really think my questions are "irrelevant" and "useless" then GO AHEAD, find somebody else who will put up with your stupid crap, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!

______________________________________________________________

(Afraid he's going to lose Righteous, Johnson does some hasty damage control.)

From:
To:
Subject: Bear with me.

Dear Righteous,

Thanks for your mail And please i am not a fraud but i am making a deal,Every body knows what a deal is all about.Making more money is not evil.

I am rich and from a rich family but i never insulted you neither i ever said that i am better than you.I am only trying to make you understand my person as a banker and do things the right way.I connected you to this deal,And i have spend big money to see the success of the deal but you don't trust me,that is why i become angry with you.

You see that i cannot pay $1750 to the bank on your behalf because if i do that the bank will suspect me,and that is the end of the deal.But if you really want to do this transaction with me just trust me because two people cannot work together unless they agreed in one mind.

Never mind $1750 is a small money,even if you think that you will loose your money if you send it to the bank,Just take that risk and see that once bank receive the stamp duty fee from you and open your file they must transfer the fund to you.Do not listen to any body just take the risk of sending $1750 to the bank via western union and see the truth in me.You must like me my dear and have big trust in me in future.I personally choose to actualise this deal with you that is why i send you the statement of account to mr..Please just follow my advises and i see the truth in me.Already i have paid my lawyer some money to get the two documents from federal high court today and present them to the bank on your behalf as your own lawyer,so that nothing will stop the bank remittance department from transfering the fund to your account in america one they open your file.

If you dout me,i can give you the contact of the very lawyer so you can confirm from him.

Thanks and God Bless,
Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Johnson,

The reason I don't trust you is because of Western Union telling me a lot of fraud is committed in this way: Someone contact you (me), they (you) ask you (me) to send small money in advance in anticipation of getting lots big money. You do not explain how your deal is different, you just say "FOR GOODNESS SAKE, DO THIS, DO THAT, DO NOT QUESTION ME, DO NOT LISTEN TO ANYBODY, YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS ABOUT THIS DEAL". You make it sound like you are one of these people. If I am wrong about this then please PROVE ME WRONG. I hope I am, I hope this is all legitimate and we can work together but you do not make it easy for me to believe you.

So here is my very good idea: For the $1750 how about you pay HALF, and I will pay the other half. $875 is even smaller money than $1750 so we can both easily afford to pay it.

YES, please give me the contact information of the lawyer. I will like asking him to send me copies of the two documents he has prepared. The certificate of interitance and two inheritance tax receipt. I hope he is not a dick like Mr Ibrahim at the bank.

I still hope you die but I no longer hate you,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Ok Righteous,

Thanks for your mail,And sharing ideas because you don't know my person and the important it is to me to get the total $95.7 million transferred to your account in america.In the first place i told you to keep this transaction sercet,there is no reason for you to tell any body about this transaction.

I have explained to you in deffirent dimensions but you find it difficult to understand me.But you knows that i have paid my lawyer the sum of $65000 to secure the documents which will put you in place as the real next of kin to mr .Do i ask you to pay for the documents.I know that you are a woman that you cannot afford such big money (God, what a sexist PIG!), that is why i have to make the payment to my lawyer on your behalf without telling you to send any money in respect.

But for this $1750 for stamp duty fee which bank demanded from you to open your file ,i know that you can do it,That is why i told you to send it to the bank.As a partener in business you cannot leave everything to me alone,you have to assist in little things that you can do,that means understanding.

I know very much that once you send the money to the bank,they must transfer the fund to your account in america and that is the end of the transaction,their will be no arguments or delay.

Here is the contact of the lawyer:.Tell him that i johnson gives you his contact,he secure the documents in you name as the next of kin to walter andrews.

Remember when you send the application to the bank via postal office,And i told you to send it by email you refuse and the moment you send it by email,i do hope that bank will contact you immediately and they did so,Once again i tell you to send the $1750 to the bank that they must surely transfer the fund to your account in america and hopefully they must transfer it.please consider my word and advises.

Best regards and Remain Bless,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(Awright, a "barrister"! Maybe he'll have some "modalities"!)

From:
To: "The Lawyer" ()

Dear Mr Lawyer,

Mr. the bank manager of Enugu Branch Nigeria gives me your contact email. He says that you have secure 2 documents in my name as the enxt of kin to Mr . I will like to see copies of these documents, the certificate of interitance and two inheritance tax receipt.

Also can you confirm that Mr Johnson paid you for these documents, and the amount he paid you for these documjents?

Thank you for the time.

Hoping you are not a dick like Mr Ibrahim in the bank, I am,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Mr. Johnson,

Thank you for the lawyer's contact email, I have wrote to him and give him your name as you say. Please be assured that I do not tell anyone about the transaction. Not even the people at the Western Union office, I do not give them any of your name or details about the money.

Why can you not pay the $1750 or part of it? You say you cannot but you do not explain why.

Yes I do remember when I send the application to the bank via postal office, and you told me to send it by email I refuse. This was because I was afraid of computer hackers hacking into computers and getting my informations to do bad things to them.

In any case I hope the lawyer feels me at ease and then I will see about sending the $1750. Are you sure you cannot at least cover part of it, not even $100 or even $50?

Behaving myself for now,

______________________________________________________________

From: ""
To:

Hello ,

YES MR. HAS PAID ME THE SUM OF $65,000.00 USD EALIAR LAST WEEK TO SECURE TWO DOCUMENTS IN YOUR NAME AS THE BONIFIDE NEXT OF KIN TO LATE MR. AND I HAVE SECURED THE TWO DOCUMENTS AND SUBMITTED TO THE REMITTANCE DIRECTORS OFFICE OF HEADQUATERS.

THIS TWO DOCUMENTS ARE [1] CERTIFICATE OF INHERITTANCE AND [2] INHERITTANCE TAX RECEIPT.AS I HAVE SUBMITTED THE DOCUMENTS TO THE BANK ,I WILL GO TO THE BANK AND PHOTOCOPY IT AND SEND ACCROSS TO YOU BUT WILL PAY $150USD CONSULTANT FEE AS A LEGAL PRACTITIONER.

THANKS AND GOD BLESS,
.

(Okay, I've talked him down from $1750 to $150, he must be getting desperate for some amount, anything at all. Unfortunately he's not even going to get that.)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Thanks for your mail and thanks you very much for keeping this transaction secret and confidentials.Please my do not misunderstand my english in any form.I said that i have paid the lawyer big money to get the two documents and i did not ask you to pay any money in respect to that because i knows that you are a woman that you cannot afford to pay big money.

And as a business partner that you cannot leave everything for me,that i know you can pay $1750 because it is a small money and you have it.and that once you send the money to the bank that they must transfer the fund to your account in america immediately.

So please my dear just send the money to the bank because there is no time on our side,i have other expenses to do,i will secure my visa to america once bank transfer the fund to your account so i can meet with you for the sharing and investment of my percentage.

Thanks for contacting the lawyer and keep me posted as soon as he responds to you.

Thanks,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(Alas, once again language differences get in the way...)

From:
To:

Dear ,

Thank you for your prompt reply. That is fine, please pay the $150 USD consultant fee as you said you would, to get me the copy of the forms.

Liking you from the start, I am,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Mr Johnson,

The lawyer has already responded and has said he will photocopy the documents for me after he pays a $150 consultation fee. I instructioned him to go ahead and pay it. As soon as he sends me the copy of the forms I will send the $1750 and will not listen to what the guy at Western Union says.

I look forward for meeting you in America once the transfer is complete. Will your family be joining you on the trip? In some airlines you can save on their plane costs by specifying "overhead compartment travel". It is good that you are securing a visa as they do not take American Express.

For won ine, (Heh, let's see if he picks up on this. I doubt it.)

P.S. Thank you for acknowledging more than once that I am a woman who cannot have big moneys, that is very chauvanistic of you.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

HELLO,

WITH REFERENCE TO YOUR MAIL,I SAID THAT YOU WILL CONSULT ME AS A LEGAL PRACTITIONER ,AN ATTORNEY WITH CONSULTANT FEE OF $150 USD,THAT IS YOU WILL PAY ME $150 USD BEFORE I WORK FOR YOU.IN THE WORLD BEFORE AN ATTONEY WILL WORK FOR YOU,YOU MUST CONSULT HIM.

YOU WILL SEND $150 USD TO ME BEFORE I WILL GO TO THE BANK TO PHOTOCOPY THE DOCUMENTS AND SEND ACCROSS TO YOU,THAT IS WHAT I MEAN.NOT THAT I WILL USE MY MONEY TO PAY MYSELF AND WORK FOR YOU.I WILL GIVE YOU INFORMATION WHERE YOU WILL SEND IT,I RECEIVE IT FIRST BEFORE I WORK FOR YOU BY GOING TO THE HEADQUATERS TO PHOTOCOPY THE DOCUMENTS AND SEND IT TO YOU.

THANKS,
.

(Now, check his original message, does it say I'm the one paying the $150? I don't think so!)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,
Thanks for your mail,Do you have to wait for the lawyer to send you the documents before sending $1750 to the bank,Do you know that bank may be going on christmas holiday by next week.Does it mean that getting the documents from the lawyer is more important to you than bank transferring the fund to your account in america.

Or will the documents stop bank from transferring the fund to your account in america,The only thing that is delaying this transfer is to open a file in your name with the stamp duty fee.So therefore, you don't have to wait for the lawyer to send you the documents before sending the money to the bank.That is why i said that you are kidding,let us do what is important first.The document is your property and the lawyer has submitted them to the bank and as soon as you send to the bank the stamp duty fee of $1750, the bank will first of all open a file in your name and transfer the fund to your account in america and they will also send you the whole documents of the fund which they transfer to you.

So my dear waiting for the lawyer to send you the documents before you send the money to bank is delicate,Try to follow my advises because i contacted you for this transaction and i am an insider in the bank,what ever i tell you regarding this transaction is nothing but the truth.

Thanks and God Bless,

Mr.johnson.

(Regarding his "Christmas holiday" urgency, it's only the 2nd week of December.)

______________________________________________________________

(Righteous takes a stand.)

From:
To:

Dear ,

Let me get this straight... You think I'm going to pay you $150 to make some friggin' PHOTOCOPIES?? You have an office assistant, right? Make THEM do it, that is their job. Furthermore, this goes against what you said in your original message, and I quote:

*****************
I WILL GO TO THE BANK AND PHOTOCOPY IT AND SEND ACCROSS TO YOU BUT WILL PAY $150USD CONSULTANT FEE AS A LEGAL PRACTITIONER.
*****************

This clearly reads that YOU are paying the $150, not me. I have the complete original message if you do not believe me.

Stop screwing around and send me the copies,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Mr Johnson,

I fear we may have a problem again. This lawyer guy is giving me hassle. He says he will pay $150 to send me copies of the documents, then he says *I* must pay the $150! First off whoever heard of paying that much money for photocopies? And second why does he have to go to the bank and make them, he should have an office assistant who can do that! I can send you his original message if you want.

And now you are bugging me again about the $1750. This is exactly what sounds like "Advanced Fee Fraud". The people keep asking you for more and more money for new "fees" that crop up, for you first the $1750 and now $150 from the lawyer!

They also say "Advanced Fee Fraud" stresses urgency. You say the bank goes on Christmas holiday next week, that is stupid. In Untied States the bank closes after half-day on day before Christmas except this year they are closed all day because day before Christmas is Sunday, so they are closed day before day before Christmas because that is Saturday which is normally half-day anyway, so half-day closed from half-day is closed all day. Then they are closed Monday as well which is actual Christmas. That is *2* DAYS. And you try to tell me your bank close sometime next week?? I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I have long said your bank is the worst bank ever.

YES getting the documents is most important to me, because that means TRUST, it means PROOF taht this money really exist and I am not just being told LIES. The lawyer says the documents are at the bank, that is why he must go there to copy them. And you are insider at the bank, so you have access to those records. Surely YOU can just make the scans and send them to me and I will not have to pay $150, and can send $1750 with confident!

I want to trust you, but you keep associating with assholes! First this banker Mr Ibrahim which you know I do not like him, and now this lawyer who demands $150 money just to make photocopies! It make me believe you might be asshole too, for we are judged by the company we keep.

Judging you by the company you keep, I am,

______________________________________________________________

(I really want to see those two forms. So let's try the "another scammer wrote me" approach, maybe that'll scare him.)

From:
To:
Subject: New Business Deal

Dear Mr Johnson,

I was hoping I would not have to tell you this, but the way things going with our deal now, I am thinking about taking another investment deal instead.

This other person, a Mr , writes me about a week ago with business opportunity. He has a number (10) of Playstation 3 video game system, this is very new technology and it is sold out all over the world, but Mr has some to sell. It sell originally for $600 but is very high demand so Mr 's buyer offers $1800 each, which is $18000 total! Only problem is, he needs to sell to retailer in U.K. and they will not pay by Western Union, only by bank transfer. So Mr offers me a deal, I will accept money order for $25000, deposit it in my bank and send to retailer in U.K. The extra $7000 is mine to keep.

I tell you this because Mr TRUSTS ME, he does not make me pay fees with the promoise of getting money, he trusts me enough to pay money FIRST! I know $7000 is not much compared to your offer but Mr 's money EXISTS, he sends me proof, you do not.

He is having U.K. retailer send money order to me this week to deposit, I should get it next. He says if I ever decide to back out of deal it is okay, but I think I will go with this since my deal with you Mr Johnson is going nowhere. I tell you this to give you ONE LAST CHANCE to prove your trust to me. Of course once I have the extra $7000 I will more be able to afford the $1750 and even your lawyer's $150 photocopying fee.

(I'm betting Johnson will recognize this as a check scam and get scared I'm going to lose all my money to this other scammer before he can take it.)

Choose your destiny wisely,

(BTW I think "" means "ass" in some African language (Swahili?), I heard it somewhere once.)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

HELLO,

MAY BE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND MY ENGLISH,IF YOU SAY THAT I SAID TO PAY MYSELF $150 TO WORK FOR YOU.

MR.JOHNSON PAY ME $65000 BEFORE I SECURE THE DOCUMENTS AND SUBMITTED TO THE BANK,I HAVE FINISHED MY JOB ON THAT.IF YOU DON'T PAY ME I WILL NOT WORK FOR YOU AND DON'T REPLY TO THIS MAIL.

I AM A BUSY MAN WITH MY OFFICE.

THANKS,
.

(Well, he clearly said don't reply, so I didn't!)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Thanks for your mail, you don't need to pay the lawyer 150 dollars to send you the documents,bank will send you the documents.I trusted you and you need to trust me.And i am working hard to actualise this transaction you supose to know.

Ok there is no problem send $1000.00 to the bank and i will send them $750 on your behalf.I want them to transfer the fund in your account in america so there is elements of trust .

I have already send you the statement of account showing you that the fund is existing.Listen the lawyer cannot go to the bank and photocopy the document to send it to you if you did not pay him,he is not your servant,you don't pay him salary.Before he went to court to secure the documents i paid him $65000.so don't judge me?

I will send 750 dollars to the bank today,so try to send them 1000 dollars also today because there is no time on our side,And be rest assured of receiving the fund in your account in america and the documents also shall be sent to you.Don't send any money to the lawyer,this is not crop up my dear.no insult please let us be partenrs.IN JESUS NAME,AMEN.

Regards,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Mr. Johnson,

Thank you for having the bank send me the documents. As soon as I have them I will send the $1000. Also thank you for paying the $750 of the $1750.

I must say your lawyer is a dick just like your banker. He is very rude and says not to reply to his previous mail so I don't.

I believe you now that the fund is existing, now I just want to be assured it is set up in my name, that is why I need to see the documents. Otherwise there is still my uncertainties of what Western Union tells me about fake bank transactions. Sorry to be so persistent but it is my nature.

I receive a card from the post office saying they have a registered letter from Burkina Faso, this is where Mr is from, he is the one with the Playstation 3 video games selling where I am cashing his check. I will pick it up tonight and if I do not see the forms from your bank I will go with his deal first, then I will come back to you later probably after Christmas and New Years as I will be drunk on egg-nog.

Retards,

______________________________________________________________

(Later that afternoon I hit him with this...)

From:
To:

Mr. Johnson,

This afternoon I receive email from Mr my other possible partner. He say he wants to contact you about something, he does not say what even though I ask twice. Do not worry, I do not disclose your name or the details of our transaction, just that I am also talking with you. I tell him I will see about it but of course I want to ask you first is it okay? If so let me know and I will provide him you email address.

Thanks,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Righteous,

Good let me speak with mr.,I prefer doing this business with him?Since your not a business person and you don't understand what is deal.So will change thing in the name of mr .

Thanks,

M.johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Johnson,

Ok his email is [XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX], please send me copy of anything you discuss pertaining to our deal.

Thanks,

(Hmm, better go create that account...)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Let mr. contact me.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

I give him your information as well, hopefully he will write to you soon. I receive his check today but he says wait to cash it until things are worked out for the 3 of us.

(Of course "Mr " is not going to be the one to make first contact. So we wait a bit...)

______________________________________________________________

(More GOOD STUFF here:)

From:
To:

Ok ,

It is my whole duty to conclude this transfer without waiting for anybody ok.I have one question for you?What is exactly in your mind the time you accepted to do this business with me?

I am not waiting for you neither i am waiting for mr .my last word to you?If you cannot send $1000.00 to the bank today as i have send them $750 on your behalf and have secured the documents with $65000.00 and have presented them to the bank showing the bank that you are the real the next of kin to mr walter andrews,I did not secure the documents to send it to you but to present it to the bank ok,Please For God sake i will conclude this transaction by myself and compesate you with any amount i like.

So please don't reply to this mail if you cannot do what is right instead you are making impossible to become possible.I think i am a fool by writing you another mail untill i conclude and compesate you.I am not forcing you to send money to the bank but if can't send it.Just call this businees between me and you a quit?

Good Bye.

(Johnson is very clearly losing patience. Righteous had better send him that money.)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Mr Johnson,

I am so sorry for all the trouble. Okay I tell you what I will do. I will cash Mr 's check today, then I will have extra money. I have an appointment at Red Cross to donate blood after work, and then I am volunteering at the homeless shelter, so I cannot make it to Western Union today, however I will be out finishing my Christmas shopping Friday and Saturday so one of those days I will stop at Western Union and send the $1000. As soon as I get back I will let you know I have done this. I am trusting you because it is Christmas and because you have been very patient with me.

You do not have to feel obligated to reply until I do anything further. My actions shall speak louder than my words.

______________________________________________________________

(Then, for fun, "Mr " writes him. Courtesy of the English-to-Lad translator -- http://translator.newsignstandard.com/lad/lad.html)

From: " Edwards"
To:
Subject: di mugun job u dey runnin

mister man man, wetin do u tink u dey doin ?dis mugu bitch dey mine, sna am bi cashin mai cheques fo $25.000. i am da maga guyman ,i get bin doin 419 fo 30 years ,u dey and amatuer na di picken.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Okey,

According to your word.

Thanks,

Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(Wow, short and sweet. He never answers . However the next day I get this...)

From:
To:
Subject: Merry Christmas

Dear Righteous,

Listen to me mr.'s check is fake, you cannot cash it right? Look you have delayed this transaction for so long and i am not happy about that,though i have secure the documents in your name.I can easily change it to another person's name.

Make out time butween today and thursday next week to send the $1000 to the bank.We finalise this transaction with happiness.Do not give me any reason for not sending the money to the bank from now till thursday next week.

Johnson.

(Wow, that was the most heartfelt Christmas wish ever. But okay Johnson, if you insist... I'll wait until next Thursday before I give you a reason for not sending the money to the bank! At this point I'm pretty sure Johnson suspects I'm just messing with him, but he's not 100% certain, so he's reluctant to blow it after all this time.)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Dear Mr. Johnson,

Thank you, I have done as you say and have not given you any reason for not sending the money to the bank until now (Thursday). Now I shall give you the reason. I could not make it to the bank and Western Union office because the roads were very bad because of snow. We got 21 inches and it was impossible to see. Do you ever get snow in your country? It is very pretty. But the roads are clear again today so I will try it after work. What infos do the bank need from Western Union to claim the money?

Why do you say Mr 's check is fake? Have you been talking to him, what does he say to you? I ask you to send me copy of anything you send to him, why do you do not do it? I do not believe you when you say you will change the documents. It costs you $65,000 to have them drawn up, I am sure for such important documents they do not just let you change them to another person's name. That is bull-crap Johnson and you know it, you NEED me to complete this bank transfer so you had better treating me in the style to which I become a customer.

Also this is probably stupid question (I am full of them) but why not I simply send the $1000 money directly to your bank? I am sure Western Union charges you a fee when you pick up the money, why not bypass all that and do a straight bank transfer? See, I have been learning about banking and am now very smart. Sorry but I have already cash Mr 's check and the bank has accepted it so it can not be fake or they would know and not let it be cashed. I have $25,000 from Mr and I get to keep some of them and $1000 of them will come to you. So just tell me what infos to send to you to get the money and everything will be okay.

The Best Christmas Ever,

______________________________________________________________

(Then, to hopefully keep him busy over the long weekend, I "send him the money". And point him to Scrooge/Remu's ingenious verify tool.)

From:
To:
Subject: OK I send the money!!

Johnson,

The money is sent under the name to . I know you probably don't believe me, so you can check online at: [you-know-where]. Here is the code you need to validate and get the money transfer number:

[Long 1TV5 Code]

Please let me know when you have the money, I will feel better as I have never done this before.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:
Subject: I wish happy new year.

Dear,

Thanks for your mail,But thank God that you have cash the check from mr ,I Never speak with him before and i don't wish to speak with him,Because my transaction with you worths millions of dollars so i better conclude it first.

(Okay, first he told me NOT to cash the check, now he's glad I did? WTF?)

You said that you have sent the 1000 dollars,I can't beleive that.There is nothing like snow in africans.

Send me the information as shown below so i can print it and present it to the bank remittance department so they can clear the money and open a file in your name and process the transfer of the fund in your account in america.

Senders name:

Senders address....................................

Recipient name:

Recipient address:..................................

Amount:$1,000usd.

Mtcn .............................................

Question.......................................and Answer...................................

Please fill them as follows and get back to me so we can conclude this transation as soon as possible.

Thanks,

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Johnson,

I do not have the MTCN to give you because I used their online system to send the cash securely. You must have Mr Ernest go to their website [you-know-where] and enter the code I gave you, answer confirmation question and then you get the MTCN. It is very, very easy! I do it this way because I know you would not believe me that I sent it, and I wanted you to be able to check online. Plus it is safer than sending the MTCN through email. As email is not secure. There are many computer hackers hacking into computers and I did not want them to get the MTCN or they might try to take the money that I have sent for Mr Ernest.

All your base are belong to us,

______________________________________________________________

(And eventually he goes for it. On Friday I check and there are 8 login sessions but no questions answered. Then on Tuesday he has all 75 answered. Some highlights from his answers:)

Question #: 1
Question: Are you the intended recipient?
Answer: african arts

(Hmm, he seems to have misunderstood the question.)

Question #: 3
Question: What is your date of birth?
Answer: my date of birth is 12/6/1994

(What the...?! That'd make him 12 years old!)

Question #: 20
Question: Do you consider your country an ally in the war against terror?
Answer: no i do not

Question #: 21
Question: Why?
Answer: because the country is in peace

(Heh, gotta love the irony there.)

Question #: 25
Question: What will you use the money for?
Answer: i will invest in many lucrutive ideas

Question #: 29
Question: Do you have access to other modes of transportation?
Answer: no and why all this questions for

Question #: 51
Question: What is your marital status?
Answer: i am a man with children

(Wow, only 12 and he's started a family.)

Question #: 57
Question: Is your network infrastructure secure?
Answer: yes some times

Question #: 59
Question: Are you answering these questions dishonestly?
Answer: the question is too much for me because i a busy man

(Yet he answers all 75 of them, in about 45 minutes. Now I wish I'd given him more. But did he get the MTCN?)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:
Subject: GOOD BYE

(Hmm, guess not! More GOOD STUFF:)

Dear,

Please listen to me,This is new year and i have no time to waste with you ok.Neither i have any time to sing and dance with you.

Just send me the money informations as follows or do not reply this mail and that is end of this business with you.

senders name:............................

senders address.........................................

receivers name...............................................

receivers address...........................................

amount...................................................

test question...............................................and answer...........................

mtcn...................................

If you want to do this business with me ,please do things the proper way or you forget about this transaction and don't get back to me anymore.This is new year i better do some thing with a massure person.

You don't know and you cannot take advises.I am not interested in your online western union,it does not exist here.Send the informations as i told you or you forget the entire transaction.This is obvious

Mr.Johnson.

______________________________________________________________

(Okay, time for a slap.)

From:
To:

Johnson,

For crying out loud what the hell is your problem?? I log on to Western Union's website and they tell me you have passed the online verify process and you received the MTCN! Now you ask me to fill out more forms, are you stupid?? Online Western Union is VERY easy, even a goat could do it, so why cannot you, are you really that stupid?? I had to fill out questions myself when I send the money, and I managed it with no problem! YOU are the one screwing up this transaction with your incompetence, NOT ME! I do exactly what you say and now you are not smart enough to get the money I send you??? TRY AGAIN, if you are having problems contact the customer service it is on their site, or I will have them cancel and resend the transaction! My GOD you are stupid!!

My New Years resolution is to make you grow a brain,

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

GOOD BYE.

(Wups, may have slapped a bit too hard. Any chance I can salvage this?)

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Johnson,

All right since Western Union does not seem to be working for you, I cancel that transfer and am trying again using MoneyGram. I could not find your bank on the list of authorized agents to receive, so I send it to this bank: UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA, which is in Enugu same city as you. The claim code for the money is: . I give them both your name and Mr 's as acceptable. Please tell me as soon as you get it!

(Of course I didn't give him the address of the bank, and there are like five United Bank for Africa branches in Enugu, I checked.)

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(Fast-forward to next day. I usually have morning replies waiting from him, but this time there's nothing in my inbox until much later in the afternoon. Wonder if he's been doing something else all day? Could he really have gone to every United Bank of Africa branch in the city to look for the money??)

From:
To:

Hello,

Why do you choose to kid with me.Why must you give me a fake money gram code number .Do you know that i can feed you with the money i use to feed my dog and you will be ok in life.I have get another person to conclude this transaction with,Stop messing your family up by sending me an email.I am tired of you ,so you go to hell with your 1000 dollars ok.

Do not email me again or i send you a bad and wicked virus.

(You know what, I think he just might have!)

______________________________________________________________

(Okay he definitely knows I'm messing with him, but let's keep pretending otherwise and see if we can get any more good quotes out of him.)

From:
To:

Dear Mr Johnson,

What is wrong? Do you have difficulty getting the money again? Please I cannot help you if you do not tell me what is the problem!

Feeling sad for you, I am,

______________________________________________________________

(He doesn't answer Friday or Monday so I send this.)

From:
To:

Johnson,

I am trying to help you. Will you stop being a pouty little baby and tell me what is wrong?

Did you try to go claim the Money Gram? Where did you go, maybe it was not the right place? Perhaps someone else at your bank already claimed it, did you check with Mr ?

Please do not be mad.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:

Look my Friend,

I have told you to stop sending me an email.I check the money gram myself and there was no money on the code number.Did you send email to ,how can he claim the money.Are you stupid enough that you don't have senses.

Last warning?

If you cares to make this deal with me,Simply do what i advise you to do or do not send any mail,I am not begging you to do business with me neither i am begging you to help me.We are making a deal and it is for your mutual benefit because you will get big monies out of the entire deal.But if i conclude with another person you will get nothing out it but as for me the deal is mine ok.

Send the money through western union and give me the informations as shown below.

senders name.....................................
senders address..........................
receivers name .............................
receivers address....
amount...$1000
text question..whats for.
text anwser..african arts.
mtcn...................................

If you cannot send the money and keep me posted this way ,simply forget this transaction and do not help me.orderwise my virus will kill you if you send me another mail.

Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 2:49 pm

And the conclusion...

From:
To:

Johnson,

How COULD I send email to , you refused to give me his email address! I ask many times to speak with him but you say his English is not good. All your trouble has been brought on by yourself!

Just now I check my email from MoneyGram and it turns out I reverse the last 2 numbers when I send to you, it should be , NOT . Why do you not double-check with me? It would have saved you much trouble.

(That's right, it's his fault even though I gave him the wrong number.)

Go get the stupid money and then you will be able to stop whining.

______________________________________________________________

(He doesn't reply all next day, so...)

From:
To:

Johnson you pansy. Why aren't you doing your part? You better not flake out on me you little rat. Not after all I've been through.

Where the hell is the money I sent? Tell me exactly what you've been doing the last 2 days.

______________________________________________________________

From:
To:
Subject: RE: $1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

SUCK MY ASS

(Followed by about a hundred solid lines of "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO". And I'm not exaggerating.)

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I suspect he may have made the MoneyGram trip a second time, but there's no way to know for sure as he's not talking to me anymore. My last email to him is a long stream of invectives, accusing him of having sex with every bodily orifice, farm animal, zoo animal, and family member I could think of. It's completely juvenile and adds nothing to the bait so I've left it out... but feel free to PM me if you decide you absolutely must see it. I also sent his phone and fax numbers to some other mugus, signed him up for some free porno, and am currently trying to rebait him from another account using a different identity but the same messages, to see how long it takes before he realizes it's the same joker from before.

Here's his info if anyone else wants him:

Thanks for reading. Have fun!

Johns0n Mart1ns, the Mugu from Enugu (Straight Bait)	View next topic View previous topic