I really make my Doctor laugh...

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Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 6:32 pm

I went to see my physician today for a follow-up on the damage I had done to my foot a while back and to discuss my bloodwork. She has an intern with her this time so I felt the need to spice things up a bit. Much like when I go to confession and lie about my sins to give drive the priest crazy. The conversation went like this...
Doctor S: (she's a hottie BTW)Is your foot healing ok?
Me: Yeah, except for the middle toe, it just feels weird and out of place every morning so I snap it back but it hurts constantly
Doctor S: Please demonstrate how you do that
Me: (grabbing middle toe, giving it a few twists and pulls, creating audible cracks) Like this
--At this point, I thought the intern was going to hurl
Dr S: It really hurts when you do that, doesn't it?
Me: Oh yeah, it hurts like hell
Dr S: That's because you're re-breaking the bones, I think that strange feeling in that toe is your body, attempting to heal itself
Me: Oh
Dr S You see, the body signals pain when you are doing something bad, it's a wonderful mechanism -- Please don't yank and twist on your toe
Me: OK
Dr S. Your blood pressure is 100/60, you've lost 12 pounds but your cholesterol is at 260 and has me concerned
Me: Me too, I was really shooting for 4 digits, I guess I'll have to up my mayo and cheese intake to reach my goal.
Dr S: No wait, you don't understand..
Me: I'm just kidding, but tell me, would that explain why it smells like cheese when I cut myself shaving?
Intern - Nasals her beverage
Dr S: I don't know why I continue to see you
Me: If I had a heart attck right now, would you give me mouth-to-mouth to save my life? Would you give me mouth to mouth now, for no reason? cause I gotta tell ya, Dr S, you're looking great today?
Dr S: )Grabs her prescription pad) I'm putting you on Vytorin, I want to see you in 2 months.
Me: Socially??
Dr S: (Laughing) No, here in the office.
Me: Can I have something for my massive toe pain
Dr S: I'll give you 15 vicodin, and I'm sure you'll find the pain will subside if you'll stop re-breaking it.
Me: Can you make them HP? I'll take too many of the regular vicodins at once if you prescribe those and I find the HP fit perfectly in a PEZ dispenser.
Dr S. (Shaking her head in frustration)Ok, is there anything else?
Me: Does this shirt make me look fat?
Dr S: Get out of here, and don't eat anything that doesn't fly or swim for the next two months.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

Quote:

That's beacuse you're re-breaking the bones, I think that strange feeling in that toe is your body, attempting to heal itself

Reprob8, I'm sorry, but sometimes you're a knucklehead. Wink

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

^^^^

Sometimes? Laughing

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 6:47 pm

Reprob8 wrote:

Me: I'm just kidding, but tell me, would that explain why it smells like cheese when I cut myself shaving?
Intern - Nasals her beverage

Probably the best line I've heard yet Laughing

Master Baiter Joined: 18 Jul 2007 Posts: 133

I'd hate to have a patient like you Laughing

"smells like cheese" Yuk,yuk,yuk Shocked

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 6:57 pm

Quote:

Dr S: ... don't eat anything that doesn't fly or swim for the next two months.

Dinner time! Wink

Baiting Guru Joined: 11 May 2004 Posts: 2163

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:35 pm

Your doctor sounds way cool!! Laughing

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:43 pm

Really funny dialog. I do that with my dentist. I've had his assistant snort coffee. She looks at me strange now. Losing 12 pounds is way cool.

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 8:51 pm

@Reprob8..........you really made me laugh too...........thanks I needed that.

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 9:01 pm

Rep you are an absolute nut case. I loved the "Me: Can you make them HP? I'll take too many of the regular vicodins at once if you prescribe those and I find the HP fit perfectly in a PEZ dispenser." that was classic.

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:06 am

You are one crazy guy. Laughing

I wonder what your Dr takes to settle down after you visit!

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:28 am

Reprob8 wrote:

Dr S: Get out of here, and don't eat anything that doesn't fly or swim for the next two months.

Well, in my simple way of thinking...

After you eat it, it won't do anything for at least two months. Shocked

You are lucky that you weren't put on a roots, seeds and stems diet. Laughing

This reminds me of the old schtick of:
Patient "Doctor it hurts when I do this!"
Doctor "Well, don't do that any more..."

Except your Dr. did it to you to make her point. Laughing

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:19 am

Flies AND Swims! Laughing

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 6:17 am

Best chuckle If had all week Smile

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Posts: 365

OK, funny stuff....just didn't seem the same without photos...

Hey R8, went to my other family Dr. this week. He upped my prescription to 50 Loracet10 per week. Also, with all the stress that I've been under these last two months he also prescribed Prozac and Clonazepam. I have found out that by taking one pill from each of my scrips(Lyrica-nerve blocker, Diovan-blood pressure) and the above listed pills, I can have one helluva party going on in my body Laughing

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 7:54 am

Reprob8, you should put a warning on your post- not suitable to read whilst partaking of liquid substances.

Have you thought about writing a book? 'Confessions of a hypochondriac' spring to mind.

I always look forward to your medical posts...they always make me feel better. Very Happy

Post Scrotum. Yer photoshopping skills 'ain't bad either.

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 8:42 am

The title "I really make my Doctor laugh..."

Thank God for you R8, coz you really make me laugh as well, and today, I need it!

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:24 pm

Chief2B wrote:

He upped my prescription to 50 Loracet10 per week. Also, with all the stress that I've been under these last two months he also prescribed Prozac and Clonazepam. I have found out that by taking one pill from each of my scrips(Lyrica-nerve blocker, Diovan-blood pressure) and the above listed pills, I can have one helluva party going on in my body Laughing

50 Loracet10 per week????????????? I really think you need to contact the RCNPKD Very Happy

.
I've always considered the instructions on the bottle to be more of a guideline than an actual rule. I like to use the "double it and add 1" method. If it says to take 1, it really means 3, If it says to take 2, that means 5. I also ignore the "do not take with alcohol" warning. What do they want me to do, drink WATER????? Are they nuts???
PS. Please contact the RCNPKD.... We are concerned about your health!

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

Quote:

Much like when I go to confession and lie about my sins

Now THIS is a conversation I would like to hear! Wink

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:49 pm

bwahahaha...thx for the laugh R8!!!

Regarding the confession thingie: That really made me lol....and reminded me, when we were forced to confession as 7 year olds....like if a seven year old would have any sins to confess.... Confused

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:33 pm

I prefer the face-to-face confessions....they typically start like this:

Me: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned, my last confession was 6 months ago
Priest: Didn't I hear your confession last week?
Me: Good catch, Father, there's one lie...
...and on and on.....

I usually wind up having to read the entire bible for pennance after each confession... Laughing

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 2:45 pm

^^^ and let me guess: At each confession you have to confess that you didn�t attend the pennance of the last confession, right? Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

@ breadcrumb

Quote:

when we were forced to confession as 7 year olds

That made ME lol. Been there, done that!

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 3:30 pm

breadcrumb wrote:

^^^ and let me guess: At each confession you have to confess that you didn�t attend the pennance of the last confession, right? Laughing

Blasphemy!!! Laughing

Here's one of my favorites

Me: "Father, I'm really thinking about having impure thoughts about my neighbors wife."

They never know how to respond....

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