Sometimes you just have to say - EH ?

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Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

Ok, well I told him I would get the equerry to contact him - do you wanna play the role of the equerry, could really do with some help with this, my first-real-bait-potentially-turning-safari.

Literally as i was typing that, got this just in from him:

Quote:

but you from where,i like to do these with you,take a look these picture i will send more picture for stone ok.by tomorrow i will contact some worker,but i did not have money now for pay workers as i was telling you before so if you can help after aww, how sweet, he wants the money AFTER we can know how to do.

for each of the following, the REAL name is where a link to a picture of that crystal (all of which do not display) was positioned. They were all taken from http://www.bernardine.com/images/stones/greens/emerald.jpg etc, but when you visit the site you get a "You do not have permission" error, hence the fact none of the pictures displayed - at least it gives us a definitive translation from Ali-speak to English

emerald
emeroad
green tourmaline
green tomaling
black
black stone
blue
blue stone

purple
aamethyst
multi-color stones
emathrid
reda
red stone s
green
azurite
green zircon
green zircon
diamond
diamond
azurite-malachite

emerald
emeroad
green tourmaline
green tomaling
black
black stone
blue
blue stone

purple
aamethyst
multi-color stones
emathrid
reda
red stone s
green
azurite
green zircon
green zircon
diamond
diamond
azurite-malachite

emerald
emeroad
green tourmaline
green tomaling
black
black stone
blue
blue stone

purple
aamethyst
multi-color stones
emathrid
reda
red stone s
green
azurite
green zircon
green zircon
diamond
diamond
azurite-malachite

Masking removed. TS

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 7:49 pm

I think I might e-mail him and ask if he can find a special stone for my ladette's engagement ring Wink

.

Has anyone asked about Dilithium yet? Laughing

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 8:05 pm

I'd love to MrMe

I can use my extra special [email protected] addie

I hope he'll be impressed Very Happy

Very often a position like that will be held by a military or ex-military man.

A safari could be too much for this idiot, but it's all good fun and good practice on how to spin a mugu round until he's dizzy.

Let me know when you want me to jump in and I'll contact him formally. I can ring him, as long as he doesnt use a UK redirect number - skype doesnt seem to like them.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

great!

I've emailed him back:

Quote:

Dear XXXX,

Thank you for your email, unfortunately the pictures you sent me do not seem to work. I cannot see himwoops, should say "them".
I have informed the Royal Equerry, Captain Proctor, who I told you about before and he was delighted to hear that I have managed to find someone who is willing to sell me the stones. He will probably be in touch soon.

Once again, I can confirm that I would be willing to pay you and your men to go and mine the stones which you don't have enough of.
Tell me once you have found a group of strong men who are willing to do the job.

Yours,
XXXX
---------------
Cooper's Crystals
Dealer of crystals, fine stones and gems

So feel free to contact him whenever but I don't have a phone number for him yet.

Masking removed. Please don't mask entire blocks of text like this. Thank you. TS

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 8:33 pm

Damn, MrMe, he is having so much fun with you, he doesn't have time for anyone else. This is a good thing though. Smile

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

@TheGreatOok - lol sorry! Very Happy

@TS - woops, sorry, didn't know block masking wasn't allowed, won't do it in the future

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 9:06 pm

Okie dokie. I sent this off to try to flush out where he is located. If he's in the Middle East hopefully he'll bite on the offer, and you can get in on the act. After all, you aren't going to allow him to cut you out of the deal, are you ? If he tries to cut you out, the humour will increase as you threaten to screw the deal up for him.

Quote:

Visit to Oman 3rd - 7th September 2007

Good day Mr Al| L|mber

Mr J C00per of C00per's Crystals - holder of the Royal Warrant to supply gems for the Royal Crown - has approached me concerning a collection of fine gemstones you are offering for sale. Depending on the carat, cut and clarity these could be ideal to replace some of the damaged jewellery in the Royal collection, and if you possess any spectacular specimens they could even be used in the State Crown.

The week after next i will be visiting Oman to prepare for a private golfing trip Prince Andrew will be making in the region and if you are in the region I could arrange for some photographs to be taken of the gems in question. If you require accomodation and expenses then funds can be made available to you in Oman out of the privy purse.

The politics of the matter dictate that the origin of these gems is a sensitive issue, but Oman being a close ally, this will not be a problem. For this reason reimbursement cannot be made outside Oman unless you can provide satisfactory evidence as to the current location of these stones.

If you are able to take advantage of this opportunity please let me know what your requirements will be so that the necessary arrangements can be made. If you are unable to meet up with me on this trip, then Mr Cooper will make alternative arrangements.

Yours respectfully

Captain Wesley Pr0ct0r KCG
Blues and Royals

Most safari attempts never pan out - so don't get too hopeful, but it'll be a fun and wild bait. If I get a reply I'll post it so the options can be considered.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

brilliant, GP.

Don't worry - I'm not holding my breath about the safari!

Posted: Mon Aug 27, 2007 10:06 pm

All I said to him was "Tell me about your precious stones, they sound lovely", and like a flash, he came back with:

Thanks for your mail, these stone have overstay and i want sale it becuase i did not any other way to take care of my self but i know that is money becuase when my father was alive people from oversea are used to come here and buying it.now i have only it (stone)and since rebels destroyed our (my place Angolan)is only way take care of my self is for the stone so if you want to buy or you can get buyer i will give you 20%.these the names of stone that i have :DIAMOND,ALMROAD,BLUE SKY,GREEN THOMALING,RED GAMET,BLACK THOMALING AND EMATHIRD

I'm beginning to wonder if he does ACTUALLY have a few bits of rock knocking about. Like a snail shell, some dried up salt and a perhaps a crystallized bogey?

I love him already.
Laughing

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 1:35 am

I'm also getting UAE. I don't think it is a satellite provider. Well... I have nothing to base that on, but there are plenty of lads in UAE and this one is a particularly strange brand of lad.

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:59 am

Oooh, I got pictures of his thomalings!
Laughing

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

@frogs - how come yo get photos and I just get links to a site which doesnt work! I've asked that he resend them in a PDF or Word file.. I need those damn pictures, how else am I going to be able to value them.

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 10:55 am

It was pretty easy - I just said "Have you got any pictures of the stones in question?" and next email contained images of his 'family jewels' Laughing

I've asked him for pictures of himself with the stones, we'll see how that pans out.
Very Happy

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 11:32 am

All that work and this is what I get from the twonk

Quote:

AL| AL|
to CaptWesleyPr0c.

8:46 am (3� hours ago)

Thanks mr j c00per i am so much happy for you mail and i will like to know more about you before anything,where you from?i will be happy to do these business with you,moreover i will like to know the names of stones you need.

he couldn't even work out who the mail was from Shocked

I'll reply with an e-mail about two sentences long explaining who I am. Rolling Eyes

Boy - is this is going to be hard work. Very Happy

If he makes me angry I won't be responsible for my actions. Laughing

I can see that reading and comprehension are not his specialist subjects, so I won't make the mail any easier for him to read. At least that'll put him in a subordinate position. Very Happy

Lets see if the idiot will make some effort this time.

Quote:

Dear Mr L|mber

I think you misunderstood my last e-mail. You are already in negotiation with Mr J C00per of C00per's Crystals regarding the purchase of a substantial quantity of gems and as the representative of Her Majesty the Queen I was contacting you to confirm the credentials of Mr C00per, and check that you are an authentic gemstone dealer.

I trust you will give this matter your careful consideration as Her Majesty MUST not be involved in anything that could besmirch her honour, or the reputation of her office. I hope you understand this.

If you can confirm that you will give this matter your utmost careful attention then I will converse with Mr Cooper as to how we may proceed with this lucrative transaction.

Yours respectfully

Captain Wesley Pr0ct0r KCG
Blues and Royals

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

lol, what an idiot

he still hasn't responded to my request for pictures - i told him to put them in a pdf or word doc and send them over.

in the words of Little Miss Jocelyn: this is gonna take a loooooooooooooooooong time

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 12:51 pm

Well he is trying to not go for my Final Fantasy VI bait.

Quote:

you must be a joker,i have been doing the right from my father ok,i know more about stone ok,but if you see buy i will go and get rw once for the buyer which you can brush by your self ok?

What does the bold part mean though?

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 7:01 pm

Those of you who have had the kilos/carats discussion with will be happy to know that you have successfully de-educated him.

I asked him how much it would cost to have a dilithium crystal shipped to New York. His response:

Quote:

can i know how many kilo you need?

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 7:44 pm

I just got pictures of what I am going to buy, they look nothing like what I asked for though...

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

Any response GP?
He just sent me an email saying:

Quote:

ok,these the pictures that i have now in my (cpu)

and guess what, the photos beneath that text were still linked to that 'forbidden' site so I couldn't see them. What an idiot.

Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 9:19 pm

I asked him for a picture of himself with the stones, and he got back saying he's working on it.
Very Happy

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

@GP Sent this off to our friend:

Quote:

Dear Ali,

Thank you for your email. May I ask: have you been in contact with Captain Proctor the Royal Equerry? I heard it through the grapevine that he will be visiting Oman soon in order to facilitate some sort of royal visit in the region.

I'm not sure exactly what the details of the trip are, or what the procedure would be if you wanted to do the trade in Oman - you would have to discuss that with Capt. Proctor. But it would seem the moons have aligned in our favour!

Also, have you managed to organize a team of miners to gather the required amount of Black Thomaling and Blue Sky?

Please reply soon

Yours,
Mr J Cooper
---------------
Cooper's Crystals
Dealer of crystals, fine stones and gems

Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 1:55 pm

Ali sends me a picture of the dilithium crystal I had asked for. Behold the thing that powers the starship Enterprise!

He also sends a somewhat odd message with the picture:

Quote:

what age are you?these the stone.

Tha nguoi dung noi se yeu minh toi mai thoi thi gio day toi se vui hon. Gio nguoi lac loi buoc chan ve noi xa xoi, cay dang chi rieng minh toi...

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

@Worf: maybe its some sort of code.

GP, got this from him:

Quote:

yes,are you the one that give him my contact?i am happy with you.any now is on your hand.

What the hell does "Any now is on your hand" mean?

Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:49 pm

I think that code is Vietnamese.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 09 Aug 2007 Posts: 593

looks like some sort of virus? - http://chatteress.blogspot.com/2006_09_01_archive.html

(very) rough translation: Let off dung nguoi follow turn examination gio fusellar spadeful be almost dry yeu bright to waste waste be almost dry glad hon
hmmm... Confused

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