I think my friend is lying to me!

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Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 6:14 pm

I am so angry!

She called me and said, "Do you know where there is a Western Union?"

I asked why.

She said she needs to send some money to a friend of hers in Columbia.

I asked why she needs the money through Western Union. She said that she's going to send her something. I asked what she's sending. She said it's a personal thing that she doesn't want to talk about.

I asked why the secrecy. I told her about 419 scams. She said, No no no this isn't a scam - this woman is a missionary and I talk to her all the time.

I ask if she talks via email. She said yes.

I then said you never send money to someone who you have never seen. Now my friend says she has seen her before. I think my friend is lying. I see this friend a lot - I know who her friends are and have heard her past - and now she's going to lie because I tell her about these 419 frauds.

My friend said - besides it's only $40 that I am sending.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr I hope this friend is NOT sending money to a scammer. She got so angry with me for telling her about 419s and trying to get her to realize sending money is not a good idea. She changed her story about why she was sending money - which = red flag for me.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Cross your fingers that my friend's "friend" really is NOT a 419 scammer because my friend plans to send the money today. There's nothing I can do. She's really angry with me for "Accusing her" of being scammed.

I wasn't accusing! I was just trying to help.

Vent over - - I don't feel better though!

Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 6:24 pm

Eliza,

You did what you could to try and help her... she will end up doing what she wants (good or bad)... and while your blood pressure may rise, you need to accept it (at least for now).

Try and send her to ScamWarners, if she'll read some of the posts there, it may help her understand better...

Master Baiter Joined: 18 Jul 2007 Posts: 133

I'm so honoured to reply to Eliza (your work is amazing!!)
Keep working on her, maybe eventually you will get through. I hope she sees that she is making a mistake.
You did your best to help your friend, if she still goes ahead it's not your fault. Don't beat yourself up about it. She went into it with her eyes opened.
Doc

bow_down

Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 7:19 pm

I bet there's at least a half-dozen "missionaries in Columbia" floating around out there in scam-land. If you could send some of those letters to her she just might get the idea...

Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 7:52 pm

Eliza, you've got to stop beating yourself up. You did everything you could within the law.

I looked it up, and beating your friend senseless is in fact an offense, even if you do it for their own good. Something about two wrongs don't make a right, even though three rights do make a left... no that's not it. Maybe it was how you can lead a horse to water but if it looks like a duck and... never mind.

The important thing is you did the right thing. Saving the world was a pretty big job for Spider-Man and he has his own film crew, so don't feel bad because one eediot just wouldn't listen to you.

Just a suggestion: If you're still frustrated, you could always torture a few lads for a while. You do that really well!

Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 7:59 pm

I have seen this before, not this particular scam, but when someone is being taken for the proverbial ride, and you explain it to them, they are mad at YOU. I have seen this many times.

You did what you could. Eventually your friend will figure it out, if in fact it is a scam.

Find more missionary scams and forward them to your friend.

My sympathies.

Also, does she know how good you are at this? If someone else said it... well, whatever, but you are scam baiter extaordinaire! You know of what you speak!

Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 8:02 pm

Eliza, I think by evading the truth, hiding it, and lying to you, she knows deep down that something is not right. She probably knows you are right, but she may not be ready to face the fact that she has been decieved or scammed. This is difficult to do sometimes when you feel you trust someone (in her case, the missionary).

Depending on how close of a friendship you have, my guess is if she felt this was on the up and up, she would simply come clean and told you.

You did the right thing.....you gave her something to think about, and your voice will be speaking to her as she goes to Western Union or continues emailing this person. You have placed a seed of doubt in her, and I think as she continues her contact she will start questioning the relationship with this 'missionary' and may ultimately see the truth.

As mentioned, dont beat yourself or your friend up. Give your friend time, and give your words time to grow in her heart and mind. I believe she will come to know the truth and will thank you later for it..........

Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 8:29 pm

Eliza:

On a serious note, you do what you can. You have given your friend the advice you can from your heart. Short of following her and taking her out at the knees at the WU office what can you do? She is of legal age, you opened her eyes, she chooses not to see. I know that does not help the situation for you right now, but life is full of choices. She is making a bad one. Hopefully it is only $40 and that will be the end of it.

I'd keep looking for openings though to educate her Sad

Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 8:41 pm

I know it's a bit.....iffy......., but you could try scamming her yourself, prove your point that way. I don't mean ACTUALLY scam her, obviously, but you know how they work. Keep her busy with your scam so she won't have time for any others, then use it as an example of how people can lie online. Risky to your friendship, but then so is repeatedly ignoring advice.

Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 9:30 pm

That would also make interesting reading for the rest of us....

Where's Ed? I miss him!

Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 12:23 am

Maybe when the friend doesn't receive the promised item, she will start to believe you. It is hard to change someone's mind especially when there has been a lot of email exchanged between the parties.

Hopefully the friend won't feel too embarassed to talk with you after it all goes "South".

I hope that it is just a small amount of USD that she is sending.

Instead of baiting the friend, could you offer to "send" the money for her, give her a MTCN or better yet set up a 1Tv5 scenario.

Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 2:52 am

If she won't listen, theres not much you can do. But don't forget to tell her to let you when she has to send the next bigger amount. If you preempt the request she might just to think when it does happen.

Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 2:53 am

Eliza...

It just so happens that I am rather familiar with Colombia (not Columbia), and can help you pose questions for your friend to ask her online mate. For example, "What city are you in?" and "What cities are next to you?"
When the online mate can't answer, maybe your friend will realize that the scammer is lying.

Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 4:27 pm

You have done what any good friend would do. If she chooses to send the cash then just be thankful it's only a small amount - unless you think she's lying about that too?
I'm sure that the only reason she's mad at you is because you basically called her an idiot (not in so many words) for sending money to someone she really doesn't know. She knows that something is not quite kosher and that's why she's vehemently defending herself.
Leave her be and just be there as a friend. She'll soon realize that it's a scam. Then you can introduce her to the wonderful world of baiting!!!

Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 6:48 pm

I have a temptation to say "Don't be afraid to yell "I told you so" into her face after she realises it's a scam", but that's just not polite. Keep it in the back of your head just in case though Wink

Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 10:08 pm

Eliza - I'm afraid you are dealing with an aspect of victim psychology that means the more you warn, nag, cajole the more she will stubbornly refuse to believe that you are right and she is wrong and she's going to send the money anyway because she can do what she likes and it's her money anyway, so there! If she's 'only' sending $40 that's one thing - if she's planning to send a lot more when the scammer comes up with that sudden medical emergency, family bereavement, burned down orphanage, etc you might need to have some backup research prepared.

Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 5:46 am

I cant really offer much constructive advice sorry, but I really feel for you and understand the uselessness you feel.

There are so many psychological values at play here, and pushing etc can cause a subconsious effect on the friend(Victim) to prove you wrong, to prove that they are helping the orpahage or whatever.

I just asked missus and explained the whole situation and we're sorry but..

all we can come up with is "A fool and their money are easily parted"... no insult meant, Missus's grandma has been ripped by local tradesmen, mechanics etc... and there is literaly nothing you can do after the fact.

Sorry, but sympathies.

Make sure you let us know of the outcome.

Posted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 5:53 am

You could always bait your friend as a missionary in Senegal and see what happens? (don't forget to post the trophies!) --- j/k

Failing that, let your friend do what she wants. She's upset at you because she feels like you think she has such a low understanding of people that she can't spot a scam when she sees one. That's a pretty affronting thing to hear about yourself (even if you didn't say it, it may be how she interpreted it). If you've warned her it is a scam and she's blatantly ignoring your advice there's not much you can do without further eroding her belief in your opinions.

If it is a scam she's probably going to have to find out the hard way. Just don't rub it in her face when it all comes unravelled and all will probably be good.

Alternatively, ask if you can speak to this "missionary", tell her you also want to "help" or something. Then you can ascertain what the situation is. Once again, if you go down this path, also don't forget to post the trophies!

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

I think the best thing you can do in this case is to remain friends with her. You need to be in a position of trust if and when the scam becomes ugly. It might be a good idea to get the missionary's address, or at least his name, "so you can put your own mind at rest", and do some research.

A friend of mine met a Russian woman by email and was quite excited to tell us that she was coming over to Britain to stay with him. That made the red flags wave! I quizzed him about it, and in over a year of communications, she had never asked for money. I asked stefan here if he had ever heard of the name she was using, but he hadn't. So I warned my friend about scammers and left it at that; there wan't anything more that I could do. All I could do was to watch for the train wreak. In the end she did come over, with her sixteen year-old daughter. She stayed for a few months and then the three of them went to Russia. So far as I know everything worked out fine. He certainly hasn't come back with terrible tales to tell.

I'm sure there are misionaries in Columbia, so it may be perfectly innocent. We only see the scammers, and so we have a biased view of the world. Keep in touch with your friend and keep that level of trust where she will tell you when the church burns down and she has to send $4,000.

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