Grandpa's sayings.

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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:45 am

Grandma always said:

What a man lacks in brains, he will make up for with his back.

*** BANNED *** Joined: 18 Jul 2004 Posts: 2049

My great uncle Mungo (he was from Glasgow) used to always say:

"The only difference between a bicycle is an apple because a snake does NOT have armpits".

A variation of that saying was recorded in the summer of 1969 by the Glaswegian band "Gurt Bucket and the Armenian Red Cross Drivers"

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:50 am

From my stand in Grandpa-
"One word, 'Hustle', that's it."

From my Pa-
On firearms:
What do you want with a cheap one.
Don't show it unless you use it. Don't use it unless you kill it.

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:57 am

Two of my favorite sayings come from the 1960's:

"Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die"
- John Lennon

"No one gets out of here alive"
- Timothy Leary

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:19 am

Oooh I love these! Let's see if I can remember some real ones though...

And I do have a real one from my Grand-Dad (RIP)

"Nobody can waste your time except you"

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Apr 2005 Posts: 365

My Grandpa was a racist and I truely believe a TripleK member.
If I post any of his sayings I would surely get banned....going to leave this one alone!!!!

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:11 am

Grandpa :"Always fight fire with fire". He was chucked out of the fire brigade shortly afterwards.

Grandma (see below) : "Two swallows do not a porn movie make." I was only ten at the time so didn't have a clue what she was on about. I do now. Very Happy

My grandmother on my father's side had about nine kids by several different blokes. Quite scandalous at the time. It was rumoured she was buried in a 'Y'-shaped coffin. I wasn't able to verify that, because I was too young to attend the funeral.

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:20 am

random pub companion (pointing at girl at the bar): "They're all the same upside down!"

my dad (pointing at girl on TV): "Gee, and to look what we have to compromise with at home!"

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 19 Jul 2005 Posts: 11

From my dad:

Want in one hand, shit in the other, see which fills fastest.

Something he tells the grandkids often.

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:00 am

Another couple from Grandpa...

"Wherever you are in the world, whatever you're doing, always make sure you've got your bus fair home"

When talking about boyfriends...

"Make sure you can leave him on a park bench"

And, I forgot this one, one my Mom had enscribed in a stone for me when I emigrated to NZ...
(Gotta do a bit of a story to this one though...)When I was a club DJ, at about 23, I got a job in Nice, South of France. My boyfriend took me to the airport and I checked in. While waiting for my flight, I had a sudden panic attack.
I rang home, expecting to speak to my Mum who's travelled the world, alot. I thought she would tell me to stop being silly and get on the plane.
Instead, my Grandpa answered.
His advice? "Well come home then duck."
So I did.
(I flew out to Nice the following day after reassurance from friends and relatives that I was in fact capable of doing the job)

My stone? It says...

"There's always 'Come home duck.'"

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 10:18 am

This is a family one. Seen it happen a few times.

"If you give a beggar a horse, they'll ride it to hell"

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:18 am

Not my Grandfathers sayings but I do like them.

'If you go to bed with dogs, you will wake up with fleas'

Or another I use myself often

"Where there is a will,
there is a line of people waiting for someone to die"

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:38 am

me: "But it's mine. I can do whatever I want with it!"
granddad: "Close your eyes and see what is yours!"

I use that on my kid regularly. Very Happy

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:57 am

Let's see:

"The reason me and you get along so well is because we have a common enemy"-Grandpa

'There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; less competition there.�-Grandpa and I think some politician said it as well.

*** BANNED *** Joined: 18 Jul 2004 Posts: 2049

My favourite W. C. Fieldds line -

"Never drink water, kids piss in it and fish f*ck in it"

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 2:47 pm

I'm sure Grandpa wasn't responsible for the origin, but he used to tell me:

"Never whittle towards yourself, and never piss into the wind"

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

Thanks for reminding me, Harry:

I believe this came from my Grandpa, although it was via my father:
"The Eleventh commandment is: Do not place they left hand before the cutting edge, or thou shalt surely get cut."

Didn't stop me getting five overlapping scars on the first finger of my left hand. Embarassed

The last one only last year Embarassed

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:07 pm

@Make sure your all singing from the same hymn sheet'

Be On Guard By Six

Blue Orange Green Brown Slate the wiring configuration for CatV cables (Pair 1 - 6) slate is an extra used in some configurations.

The 6 P's

Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:23 pm

From my "Opa"

"If two people always agree, one of them is unnecessary."

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well."

From my metal shop teacher who was like a grandpa:

"If you don't have time to do it right, leave enough time to do it twice."

"If you're fixing it and fixing it, it's wrong. Start over."

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:31 pm

Here's one off my father

"It takes a wise man to play the fool"

He also told me

"You don't ever sh*t on your own doorstep"

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:06 pm

My maternal granddad, who is still with us, has a tendency to say, "If he ain't crooked before he's elected, he will be soon after he gets into office." around every election.

The other one had a tendency to say "Look before you leap." And this is not advice, but the most hilarious and possibly most memorable thing my late paternal grandfather ever said was surely "Bertha's the eatin'est woman I've ever seen."

Bertha was my paternal grandmother, and yes, the statement was pretty accurate and, believe it or not, affectionate. My grandmother wasn't particularly heavy, but she was tall and fairly stout, and she could put away an entire pie in a single day, three apples in a sitting and used to sneak pats of butter throughout the day. Where the tall went in subsequent generations, I have no idea. I certainly didn't get left any of it in the will. The eating, I got.

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:30 pm

@ Luckey, your's reminds me of the cowboy builder's moto: "If a jobs worth doing, it's worth doing twice".

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:34 pm

@ Mackilt

In the Southeast, we use Bell Operators Give Better Sex

And the color code for the 25 pairs, White-Red-Black-Yellow-Violet is:

While Running Backwards You'll Vomit

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 5:57 pm

"Two wrongs don't make a right." - Paw Paw

Wink

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 6:11 pm

@windypops: Here are builder's mottos I'm more familiar with:

"You won't see it from my house!"

"If you want it bad, you'll get it bad."