Author |
Message |
B. A. Ware
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Posts: 1828
Location: I've fallen and I can't reach my beer.
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:45 am |
|
Grandma always said:
What a man lacks in brains, he will make up for with his back. |
|
|
|
|
Gold Hat
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Posts: 2049
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:46 am |
|
My great uncle Mungo (he was from Glasgow) used to always say:
"The only difference between a bicycle is an apple because a snake does NOT have armpits".
A variation of that saying was recorded in the summer of 1969 by the Glaswegian band "Gurt Bucket and the Armenian Red Cross Drivers" |
|
|
|
|
Connie L. Gus
Moderator
Joined: 07 Oct 2005
Posts: 7243
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:50 am |
|
From my stand in Grandpa-
"One word, 'Hustle', that's it."
From my Pa-
On firearms:
What do you want with a cheap one.
Don't show it unless you use it. Don't use it unless you kill it. |
_________________ x8
LISTEN TO ME WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR ONE OF THOSE CHEAP CROOK OR WHAT -tobi donito
-a few,
LISTEN I CAN NOT TAKE YOUR SHIT ANY LONGER WE HAVE WHROTE A PETITION AGAINST YOU TO THE FBI WITH ALL OUR EVIDENCE YOU ARE INTO PROSTITUTION,DRUG DEALING, FORGERY, CREDIT CARDS FORGRY WESTEN UNION FALSIFICATION,DRUGING MEN,COMMETING MURDER, STEALING, DRUNCARD, ALL THIS WE HAVE THE EVIDENCE TO PROOF OUR CASE AGAINST YOU.-Johnson Hill
I am not finding it any funny...Henry A., Lagos, Nigeria to Cotonou, Benin, WIMPed
I am stranderd. Henry A. Lagos to Accra, WIMPed for 67 days.
* Help Keep Eater Running - Click here to donate |
|
|
|
sgreenstreet
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 23 Dec 2003
Posts: 659
Location: Upstate New York
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:57 am |
|
Two of my favorite sayings come from the 1960's:
"Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die"
- John Lennon
"No one gets out of here alive"
- Timothy Leary |
|
|
|
|
Obi-Wan Knievel
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 10 Dec 2006
Posts: 1486
Location: Bald Knob, NF
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:19 am |
|
Oooh I love these! Let's see if I can remember some real ones though...
A man is incomplete until he's married - then he's finished. (Not a clue)
A woman drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her. (WC Fields I think)
When your mother told you the boys don't like that kind of girl, your mother lied. (My humble self)
And I do have a real one from my Grand-Dad (RIP)
"Nobody can waste your time except you" |
|
|
|
|
Chief2B
419Eater is my life
Joined: 11 Apr 2005
Posts: 365
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 5:08 am |
|
My Grandpa was a racist and I truely believe a TripleK member.
If I post any of his sayings I would surely get banned....going to leave this one alone!!!! |
|
|
|
|
Tommo Shanter
Baiting Guru
Joined: 13 Jan 2006
Posts: 5378
Location: Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad. - Euripides
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:11 am |
|
Grandpa :"Always fight fire with fire". He was chucked out of the fire brigade shortly afterwards.
Grandma (see below) : "Two swallows do not a porn movie make." I was only ten at the time so didn't have a clue what she was on about. I do now.
My grandmother on my father's side had about nine kids by several different blokes. Quite scandalous at the time. It was rumoured she was buried in a 'Y'-shaped coffin. I wasn't able to verify that, because I was too young to attend the funeral. |
_________________ £1,052,334.30 (=US$2,121,125.60) lads fake cheques out of circulation (at 11/6/2008)
x135 (at 26/9/2008) x138
"i see your not interested in the transaction but catching your fun, calling names and my muckery of me." - Usman Bello
"You need to visit a good psychiatrist very fast, because some nuts are missing from your brain." - PROF.SOLUDO
"...it is very important you forward the your cycling proficiency certificate which by right belongs to you." - Prof Charles Soludo.
"note i can still change my mind to blow you off and whenever" - T0ny 'The Killerman' Erik
YOUR GENERATION WILL ROAST IN ABSTRACT POVERTY,BASTARD IDIOT -Daniel Mensah
|
|
|
|
Don
Baiting Guru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 3045
Location: Italy, 87.2.222.132
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:20 am |
|
random pub companion (pointing at girl at the bar): "They're all the same upside down!"
my dad (pointing at girl on TV): "Gee, and to look what we have to compromise with at home!" |
_________________ x12
No sugar plum fairies have been hurt during the process of creating this message.
**"Freedom? There ain't no fuckin' Freedom!"** |
|
|
|
beyondsick
Hello I'm New here!
Joined: 19 Jul 2005
Posts: 11
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 8:45 am |
|
From my dad:
Want in one hand, shit in the other, see which fills fastest.
Something he tells the grandkids often. |
|
|
|
|
it wasn't me
Elite Baiter
Joined: 18 Feb 2007
Posts: 1043
Location: sitting in the corner drinking wine, eating cheese
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:00 am |
|
Another couple from Grandpa...
"Wherever you are in the world, whatever you're doing, always make sure you've got your bus fair home"
When talking about boyfriends...
"Make sure you can leave him on a park bench"
And, I forgot this one, one my Mom had enscribed in a stone for me when I emigrated to NZ...
(Gotta do a bit of a story to this one though...)When I was a club DJ, at about 23, I got a job in Nice, South of France. My boyfriend took me to the airport and I checked in. While waiting for my flight, I had a sudden panic attack.
I rang home, expecting to speak to my Mum who's travelled the world, alot. I thought she would tell me to stop being silly and get on the plane.
Instead, my Grandpa answered.
His advice? "Well come home then duck."
So I did.
(I flew out to Nice the following day after reassurance from friends and relatives that I was in fact capable of doing the job)
My stone? It says...
"There's always 'Come home duck.'" |
_________________ Do not be sceptical be pessimistic - Lotto scam.
I just don't know how to express the gravy of my happiness. - Barrister M Abd0lla
you nose i have been away in the middly east. -Ali Al1
|
|
|
|
windypops
Baiting Guru
Joined: 25 Jan 2005
Posts: 6059
Location: Planet X
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 10:18 am |
|
This is a family one. Seen it happen a few times.
"If you give a beggar a horse, they'll ride it to hell" |
_________________ "No amount of semen donation will save this situation" Sanny Sanny
"We must disagree to agree" Raji Musa
If it's LADS you want. GoTo: http://www.yopmail.com/
and sign in with either ladmail or kentbrockman
|
|
|
|
Murry Guru
Baiting Guru
Joined: 11 May 2007
Posts: 5561
Location: Turned into Ralph
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:18 am |
|
Not my Grandfathers sayings but I do like them.
'If you go to bed with dogs, you will wake up with fleas'
Or another I use myself often
"Where there is a will,
there is a line of people waiting for someone to die" |
_________________ "I want to hold your hand and let you scream at me while you bring our child into this world"- Linda Lopez
Bait with Frumpy on the hitman "i though we are partners in this and now u turn around to stub me on the back"
Click to learn how to romance bait Click to get your name in mugu gold
Got info on a scam vic? PM a mod Recieved a scam warning? Say "thank you, I am a baiter"
Ruin your pets day, post their details at scamwarners
<- I run like a girl
x12 ? not enough
<- this one belongs to Ralph. |
|
|
|
Don
Baiting Guru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 3045
Location: Italy, 87.2.222.132
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:38 am |
|
me: "But it's mine. I can do whatever I want with it!"
granddad: "Close your eyes and see what is yours!"
I use that on my kid regularly. |
_________________ x12
No sugar plum fairies have been hurt during the process of creating this message.
**"Freedom? There ain't no fuckin' Freedom!"** |
|
|
|
Reaper
Hello I'm New here!
Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 0
Location: Travelling in a fried-out combie. On a hippie trail, head full of zombie...
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:57 am |
|
Let's see:
"The reason me and you get along so well is because we have a common enemy"-Grandpa
'There are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; less competition there.�-Grandpa and I think some politician said it as well. |
_________________ 110+
x15 x18 50+
Shola - 4.3k miles Lagos - Abidjan | Lagos - N'Djamena, Chad | Lagos - Sokoto "i have not eaten anything except water"
Mr Floyd - Lagos - N'Djamena, Chad | Lagos -N'Djamena --> Abeche, with RS (7 days in hell ) "we are dieing here"
Art Trophies: <a href="http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=129502">Eva Bust</a> - <a href="http://forum.419eater.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=135167">Reaper's Art Gallery</a>
- I am the King of Rome, and above grammar
|
|
|
|
Gold Hat
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 18 Jul 2004
Posts: 2049
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:23 pm |
|
My favourite W. C. Fieldds line -
"Never drink water, kids piss in it and fish f*ck in it" |
|
|
|
|
Harry Bawls
Elite Baiter
Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Posts: 1310
Location: Somewhere, nowhere, everywhere
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 2:47 pm |
|
I'm sure Grandpa wasn't responsible for the origin, but he used to tell me:
"Never whittle towards yourself, and never piss into the wind" |
|
|
|
|
thud419
Baiting Guru
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Posts: 3193
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:00 pm |
|
Thanks for reminding me, Harry:
I believe this came from my Grandpa, although it was via my father:
"The Eleventh commandment is: Do not place they left hand before the cutting edge, or thou shalt surely get cut."
Didn't stop me getting five overlapping scars on the first finger of my left hand. The last one only last year |
_________________ Click here to feel warm and cozy.
I did not f**k your wife in any way -- Nike Akanbi
I don't know what else to do or do I continue filling and filling forms. -- Barr. Koloti
you has been dribbling me up and down but I will show some thing you have never seen before, I think you breath air wait and see. -- Barr. Cole
x14
x 0.25 won from Reaper in a sucker's bet
x8 x several |
|
|
|
Mackilt
Master Baiter
Joined: 01 Nov 2006
Posts: 164
Location: 404 Location not found!
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:07 pm |
|
@Make sure your all singing from the same hymn sheet'
Be On Guard By Six
Blue Orange Green Brown Slate the wiring configuration for CatV cables (Pair 1 - 6) slate is an extra used in some configurations.
The 6 P's
Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance |
_________________ It's all Rock and Roll to me! |
|
|
|
luckey
Moderator
Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 5672
Location: Check the lost and found
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:23 pm |
|
From my "Opa"
"If two people always agree, one of them is unnecessary."
"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well."
From my metal shop teacher who was like a grandpa:
"If you don't have time to do it right, leave enough time to do it twice."
"If you're fixing it and fixing it, it's wrong. Start over." |
_________________ Moderator: \ˈmä-də-ˌrā-tər\: noun
A material which slows down neutrons after fission to speeds at which their probability for interaction with the fuel material is increased. |
|
|
|
wayne
Account closed at users request
Joined: 05 Dec 2005
Posts: 3630
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:31 pm |
|
Here's one off my father
"It takes a wise man to play the fool"
He also told me
"You don't ever sh*t on your own doorstep" |
_________________ x56 |
|
|
|
mrsbean
Elite Baiter
Joined: 06 Oct 2004
Posts: 1775
Location: North of the Rio Grande, South of Alaska
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:06 pm |
|
My maternal granddad, who is still with us, has a tendency to say, "If he ain't crooked before he's elected, he will be soon after he gets into office." around every election.
The other one had a tendency to say "Look before you leap." And this is not advice, but the most hilarious and possibly most memorable thing my late paternal grandfather ever said was surely "Bertha's the eatin'est woman I've ever seen."
Bertha was my paternal grandmother, and yes, the statement was pretty accurate and, believe it or not, affectionate. My grandmother wasn't particularly heavy, but she was tall and fairly stout, and she could put away an entire pie in a single day, three apples in a sitting and used to sneak pats of butter throughout the day. Where the tall went in subsequent generations, I have no idea. I certainly didn't get left any of it in the will. The eating, I got. |
_________________ Night of the Deaded Banks - 6 x x26
I believe that you cannot get this type of opportunity again till you enter grave, you are such a bounch of stupid that I have never seen. - Jerry Gezi
Heaven help us, I've started publishing my baits in a blog... If you want to learn how to straight bait, thisaway...
Straightbait
Nifty anti-scam sites of interest
Artists Against 419 | Fraudwatchers |Scamomatic | Scampatroll Scam Victims United | Fake Checks Dot Org |
|
|
|
windypops
Baiting Guru
Joined: 25 Jan 2005
Posts: 6059
Location: Planet X
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:30 pm |
|
@ Luckey, your's reminds me of the cowboy builder's moto: "If a jobs worth doing, it's worth doing twice". |
_________________ "No amount of semen donation will save this situation" Sanny Sanny
"We must disagree to agree" Raji Musa
If it's LADS you want. GoTo: http://www.yopmail.com/
and sign in with either ladmail or kentbrockman
|
|
|
|
Harry Bawls
Elite Baiter
Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Posts: 1310
Location: Somewhere, nowhere, everywhere
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 4:34 pm |
|
@ Mackilt
In the Southeast, we use Bell Operators Give Better Sex
And the color code for the 25 pairs, White-Red-Black-Yellow-Violet is:
While Running Backwards You'll Vomit |
|
|
|
|
Corona
Baiting Guru
Joined: 21 Sep 2006
Posts: 8809
Location: On ya left!
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 5:57 pm |
|
|
|
|
luckey
Moderator
Joined: 25 Jan 2007
Posts: 5672
Location: Check the lost and found
|
Posted:
Wed Aug 15, 2007 6:11 pm |
|
@windypops: Here are builder's mottos I'm more familiar with:
"You won't see it from my house!"
"If you want it bad, you'll get it bad." |
_________________ Moderator: \ˈmä-də-ˌrā-tər\: noun
A material which slows down neutrons after fission to speeds at which their probability for interaction with the fuel material is increased. |
|
|
|
|