Bork, Bork, Bork! - Swedish Chef Bait

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Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:52 pm

Just for the heck of it, I started replying to a scammer as The Swedish Chef.

For all of my e-mail replies, I used http://www.rinkworks.com/dialect/ to translate my e-mails into "chef speak."

I thought, "Surely no one will carry on a scam with someone writing as The Swedish Chef." Well, read on . . .

Me: The Swedish Chef, Stephan Edberg (he was the only Swedish guy I could think of.

Also me = Shelly (starting April '08 ), the chef's dedicated secretary, who speaks much better English than the chef - introduced so I could speak to the lads on the phone and not have to make my own damn Swedish Chef soundboard again (that was a pain to do).

Scammer 1: Agu Anyanwume

Scammer 2: Mrs Racquel Maguigad Caldez, Banco Popular Espa񯬠Madrid Spain .

Scammer 3 (as of 8/21): Mr. Samuel Komoh, secretary of Mr. Agu

Scammer 4 (as of 9/21): Mr. Eze, head of Universal Deliver Service Company, holder of the trunk box in Benin

Scammer 5 (as of 9/21): Idris Abdullahi, Central Bank of Nigeria

Scammer 6 (as of 2/27): Dr. Otuvie - who understands swedish chef language surprisingly well . . .

Scammer 7 (as of 3/16): Lawyer Christopher Aniweta, recommended by Dr. Otuvie

Scammer 8 (as of 4/17): Helen, voice only so far.

I got Agu's e-mail address from the surplus forum. I didn't save his original letter, but I believe it was a "thank you for your past efforts" scam.

I sent Agu the following ASEM on July 6th:
Subject: Interested in your business proposal

Deer Sur,
I em interested in yuoor booseeness prupusel. Pleese-a tell me-a mure-a.

Seencerely, Stephun Idberg

Agu is interested:

July 7th

DEAR SIR,

I AM SERIUOSLY WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONSE ASAP.

REGARDS.

I was on vacation for a week, so I did not reply to him straight away.

July 17th:
Deer Sur,

I em surry it tuuk su lung fur me-a tu reply. Bork bork bork! I ves oooot ooff toon oon booseeness. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Vhet inffurmeshun du yuoo need frum me-a egeeen?

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

Dear Stephen,

Thanks for your mail and the contents noted.

Please kindly send me your direct phone number immediately for easy communication.

Also i want you to call me on my number +229 93xxx120.

Waiting for your urgent reply.

Regards.

Deer Soor,
Here-a is my telephune-a noomber.
Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I cun nut meke-a uny ooootgueeng cells et thees teeme-a, boot I cun receeefe-a fueece-a meeel messeges. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg206-309-0034
(The voicemail message is a K7 recording of the Swedish Chef song)

ok thanks for your mail.

i will tranfer the money through our affiliated account in europe.

please send me your copy of id card or international passport.

i am urgently waitin for it.

Regards.

July 18th:
He-a is a scun ooff my pesspurt phutu.
Seencerely,Stephun Idberg
(I sent him a blurry photo of The Swedish Chef)

July 20th:
Deer Sur,

I hefe-a nut heerd frum yuoo seence-a I sent yuoo zee scun ooff my peectoore-a.

Is iferytheeng ellreeght?

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

July 23rd:
dear stephen,

your passport copy you sent to me is not good.

kindly send me your driving licence or any identity card of your choice urgently.

thanks.

(I send him a copy of a different blurry passport).

July 25th:
thanks the passport is not clear but i have used it like that,

the bank has approved to pay your money through their corrspendence bank in euorpe.

as soon as i receive the details of the correspondence bank i will send it across to you immediately,so that you will contact them for onward transfer of the funds into your chosen account.

please stephen dont disappoint me when you will receive the said funds into your account,beause i have spent a lot of money to make this transfer done,

waiting for your urgent response.

regards.

Deer Sur,

I em fery heppy thet zee pesspurt vent thruoogh ookey!

I prumeese-a I veell nut deeseppuint yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Theengs ere-a gueeng tu gu greet. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Seencerely, Stephun Idberg

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 5:53 pm

July 27th:
Deer Sur,

I hefe-a nut yet heerd beck frum zee currespundence-a bunk.

Is iferytheeng ookey?

Seencerely,
Steffun Idberg

July 30th:
Dear stephen,

i have finally received the adress of the correspondence bank for immediate transfer of the said funds.

however kindly contact the bank below immediately for onward transfer of the funds into your chosen account.

Please mr stephen i want you to send me an invitation letter to your country so that i can come for my own share of the funds .

Read below .
THE NAME OF THE BANK IS =

BANCO POPULAR ESPA�OL :

EMAIL : http://uk.f274.mail.yahoo.com/ym/[email protected] OREMAIL : [email protected]

TEL:0034 636402904, FAX: 0034 653570049.

CONTACT PERSON : DR MIGUEL SANTIAGO MARTINEZ ,

DIRECTOR CUSTOMER SERVICE /FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT,

BANCO POPULAR - ESPA�OL - MADRID SPAIN .

Please contact them immediately.

regards.

August 1st:
Deer Sur,
I veell cuntect zee bunk immedeeetely es yuoo esked. Bork bork bork!

Es suun es I cun I veell get yuoo a letter ooff infeeteshun fur yuoo tu cume-a tu Svedee. It mey teke-a sume-a teeme-a boot I veell du su.

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

From the "bank" on July 30th:
Attention: Mr Stephan Edberg.
Dear Sir,
From the directive of my director Dr Miguel Santiago Martinez,I here by attached two documents for your perusal in regard of your impending payment sum of US$20,000.000.00(Twenty Million United State America Dollars Only).
You are to fill in the attached transfer application form and send it back to us with other requirements asap.

We thank you for your cooperation and await your immediate response regarding this transaction.

Your Sincerely, Mrs Racquel Maguigad Caldez, Customer Service/Foreign Remittance Dept.Banco Popular Espa�ol Madrid Spain .

(attached are some boring fake banks forms they want The Chef to fill out)

August 1st:

Deer Bunk,

I hefe-a receeefed yuoor i-meeel und zee cuntent is vell understuud. Bork bork bork! I veell feell oooot zee furm es suun es pusseeble-a und send it beck tu yuu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:00 pm

Goes to show just how little of the early e-mails the lads read. Hopefully you can keep him on the hook, the phone call possibilities are endless Smile

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:03 pm

August 2nd:

Ok,

Please call me immediately on my direct number+229-937441220.

Also contact the bank immediately.

Thanks.

Agu. +229-93744120. call me.

Deer Sur,

I cun nut meke-a ooootgueeng cells et thees teeme-a, boot yuoo cun leefe-a a messege-a oon my fueece-a meeel.

206-309-0034

Seencerely, Stephun Idberg

Mr. Agu had what I thought was a hilarious response to the Swedish Chef's refusal to call him:

August 3rd:
Subject: STRANGE.

Dear stephen,

Are you seriuos at all??

We are talking about millions of dollars and you said you can not call me.

Cant you call me from pay phone ?

What do you mean you can not just call me?

vERY STRANGE TO HEAR THIS?I HAVE SPENT A LOT OF MONEY IN THIS TRANSACTION AND YOU CAN NOT JUST GIVE ME A CALL.

ANY WAY NO PROBLEM.

JUST SEND ME INVITATION LETTER IMMEDIATELY PLEASE.

How the heck did he understand what I wrote? Is there a reverse chef translator out there somewhere? Anyway, it gives me a chance to type in "outraged" chef speak!

Deer Sur,

Ooff cuoorse-a I em sereeuoos! Hoo dere-a yuoo imply thet thees is nut impurtunt tu me-a!

My phune-a is demeged, I cun nut meke-a ooootgueeng cells. Um gesh dee bork, bork! I sent zee bunk zee furm zeey esked me-a tu feell oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur. Dues thet nut prufe-a thet I em sereeuoos?

I veell hefe-a yuoor letter reedy by zee ind ooff thees veekend. Bork bork bork! Vhet shuoold it sey? I'fe-a nefer vreettee sooch a letter beffure-a.
Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

Meanwhile, the chef sent the Spanish bank the completed form and a scan of the chef's passport as they requested:

http://bp3.blogger.com/_CDdOjzZ3fdk/RrMXuIjesYI/AAAAAAAAADc/UGnYLwyfL5U/s1600-h/foom.jpg

The bank accepts these and writes back this morning, August 3rd:
Attention: Mr Stephan Edberg.

Dear Sir,

Please see the attached document (NOTIFICATION ON LEGALIZATION AND ACTIVATION OF FUND) for your perusal.

Meanwhile you are advised to effect the payment for the legalization/activation and procurement of all the necessary clearance papers from the Spanish high court; after the procurement of all the required papers by our bank attorney, this is a pre-requisite to help us to facilitate the onward transfer of the fund $20,000.000.00usd(Twenty Million United State Dollars Only)to your designated bank account at Moppet Federel Bank in Stockholm Sweden without any further delay.

Note: In respect of Spanish financial law regulations, our Bank can not be able to deduct from impending total deposit Classified (CASH BOND) or transfer the deposit until after the completion of legalization/activation process of the aforementioned fund transfer to you at the Spanish high court sitting here in Madrid Spain . This is part of the statutory process of such CLASSIFIED BONDED DEPOSIT.

Please you are required to inform this office immediately after you have effected the payment for the legalization/activation cost �1,206.00euros(One Thousand Two Hundred And Six Euros Only)to enable the appointed attorney to commence the procurement of legalization Certificates on your behalf.

Also the transfer of the aforementioned impending fund will be effected from Banco Popular Espa�ol directely into your designated bank account ; our mode of payment will be with a direct swift wire transfer that will be effectively credited into your personal designated bank account at Moppet Federel Bank in Stockholm Sweden within 72hours we effect your transfer from here.

A copy of our swift wire transfer slip will be immediately sent to you for proper confirmation.

Note:Please send us your contact telephone number immediately.

We look forward to your co-operation ASAP.

Yours Sincerely,

Mrs. Racquel Maguigad caldez,

Customer Service/Foreign Remittance Dept.

Banco Popular Espa�ol Madrid Spain

(I love that they don't question that there is a "Mooppet Federal Bank in Stockholm, Sweden" !)

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:04 pm

Deer Bunk,

Hoo du I send zee peyment und vhu du I meke-a zee check oooot tu?

My phune-a noomber is 206-309-0034

-Stephan

ATTENTION: MR STEPHAN EDBERG,

HERE IS THE FULL NAME OF OUR BANK STAFF THAT YOU HAVE TO USE TO SEND THE PAYMENT THROUGH WESTEN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.

WE WRITE TO CONFIRMED THE FULL WESTERN UNION PAYMENT INSTRUCTION AS FOLLOW :

NAME: RACQUEL MAGUIGAD
SURNAME: CALDEZ
AMOUNT:1,206.00EUROS
ADDRESS:12 HERNADEZ SANZ 28045 MADRID SPAIN.
CITY:MADRID
COUNTRY:SPAIN

YOU ARE HERE BY ADVISED TO USE THIS INFORMATION TO EFFECT THE 1,206.00EUROS PAYMENT THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AND SEND TO US THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBER(MTCN) AFTER MAKING THE PAYMENT.

WE ARE SENDING A COPY OF MRS CALDEZ BANK OFFICIAL IDENTITY CARD AS ATTACHMENT TO YOU.

NOTE:SEE THE ATTACHED IDENTITY CARD OF MRS CALDEZ:

PLEASE WE ARE UNABLE TO REACH YOU THROUGH THIS YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER(206 309 0034)PLEASE SEND TO US IMMEDIATELY ANOTHER OF YOUR TELEPHONE MOBILE AND HOUSE NUMBERS WITH YOUR COUNTRY TELEPHONE CODE NUMBER.ALSO HERE IS MY DIRECTORS DIRECT TELEPHONE NUMBER 0034636402904,CALL US FOR MORE CLEARIFICATION REGARDING THIS URGENT MATTER.

NOW WE AWAIT FOR YOU TO MAKE THE PAMENT TODAY THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER AND SEND THE PAYMENT CONTROL NUMBER(MTCN)TO US IMMEDIATELY FOR OUR CONFIRMATION.

THANKS MANAGEMENT,
GURPO BANCO POPULAR ESPA�OL.

Deer Bunk,

Ere-a yuoo soore-a yuoo deeeled zee reeght noomber? It is a K7 noomber. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Meybe-a yuoo hefe-a tu deeel a 1 in frunt ooff it, 1-206-309-0034.

Unyvey, I understund yuoor durecshuns und veell gu es suun es I cun feex zee mecheene-a, vheech is reeght noo gueeng de fluemy fluemy.

-Stephan

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:07 pm

August 6th:
Deer Bunk,

I hefe-a sent zee muney. Bork bork bork! Here-a is zee leenk fur zee MTCN thet yuoo veell need. Bork bork bork! Pleese-a let me-a knoo iff yuoo hefe-a uny prublems.

Um gesh dee bork, bork!

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

I sent a gif file from the baiting toolkit of a neverending download for the MTCN number.

Subject: GRUPO BANCO POPULAR ESPA�OL ( TREAT AS URGENT REGARDING (MTCN) FROM MR EDBERG)

ATTENTION: MR STEPHAN EDBERG,

WE WRITE TO INFORM YOU THAT WE WAS UNABLE TO DOWNLOAD/OPEN THE WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBER (MTCN) PAYMENT ATTACHMENT THAT YOU SENT TO US,

HENCE WE ADVISED YOU TO WRITE DOWN ALL THE MTCN INFORMATION AND SEND IT TO US THROUGH OUR BANK EMAIL

ATTACHMENT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO OPEN ,PLEASE SEND US THE MTCN DETAILS BY EMAIL ONLY.

THANKS MANAGEMENT,
GURPO BANCO POPULAR ESPA�OL

I wonder how long they spent staring at the gif.

Deer Bunk,

Ooh nu. Ere-a yuoo soore-a it isn't un issooe-a veet yuoor cumpooter? Zee feele-a vurks feene-a fur me-a.

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

And I did send a letter of invitation to Mr. Agu (remember, he wanted a letter of invitation to my country). Of course the letter was inviting him to Benin. And his name was not on the letter.

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:10 pm

Just over a month for the Swedish Chef bait, and now they say they don't understand my english?!

August 7th:
ATTENTION: MR STEPHAN EDBERG,

WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOUR ENGLISH , ALSO FOR THE VERY LAST TIME WE DEMAND THAT YOU SEND THE WESTERN UNION PAYMENT DETAILS (MTCN) TO ENABLE US FACILITATE THE ONWARD TRANSFER OF YOUR IMPENDING FUND.

THANKS MANAGEMENT,
GURPO BANCO POPULAR ESPA�OL.

Deer Bunk,

I'm surry. Bork bork bork! I knoo my ingleesh is nut fery guud. Bork bork bork! Yuoo du nut hefe-a tu be-a su roode-a ebuoot it thuoogh.

I steell du nut understund zee prublem yuoo hed veet zee MTCN noomber. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I deed feell oone-a oooot und send it tu Recqooel es yuoo seeed. Bork bork bork! Is her cumpooter brukee?

I'm nut soore-a iff I remember zee MTCN, boot I theenk it is 3574500981.

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

ATTENTION: MR STEPHAN EDBERG,

SEND IMMEDIATELY THE CORRECT WESTERN UNION (MTCN) OR YOUR IMPENDING FUND WILL BE VOID AND CONFISICATED BY THE COMPTENT AUTORITY WITHIN THREE DAYS FROM TODAY .

THANKS MANAGEMENT,
GRUPO BANCO POPULAR ESPA�OL

Deer Bunk,

Vhet is zee prublem? Vhy deed zee noomber nut vurk?

I em begeenning tu theenk thet yuoo ere-a incumpeetent! Furst t feele-a dues nut vurk, noo zee noomber dues nut vurk! I cun't beleeefe-a thees. Um gesh dee bork, bork! Is yuoo mecheene-a gueeng de flumey flumey agen?

Ve-a hefe-a beee telkeeng tu iech oozeer fur oofer a munt noo und noo zeere-a ere-a prublems? Pleese-a ixpleeen vhet yuoo meun.

Und leern tu spell my neme-a reeght!

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:11 pm

Lovely!

I've got a similar "reply with certain linguistic constraints" bait going on at the moment, and even though it's not quite as wild as your Swedish Chef one, some of the responses I send make me think "This reply has got to sound like I'm not being serious, it has to!" And yet... still going!

I hope you do get the courage to try a phone call with that bait. It would be hilarious if you can pull off the accent.

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:14 pm

I hadn't heard from Mr. Agu since I sent him his invitation letter to Benin (not Sweden) in french, so I wrote him on August 9th:
Deer Egoo,

Deed yuoo get my letter?

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

He's not too happy:
Subject: URGENT REPLY NOW NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear STEPHAN.
how are you and also about your family,,
iam very anoind here now with you . kindly tell me on what is going on . you know iam the one that introduce you into this transaction but now i dont realy undastand you for christ sake .

have you contacted the bank at spain .if you have went there send me the details on how you have go and send me the information and how you setle with them am no more happy on how you are delaying this. you know i have spent a lot here f or our benefits.

tell me more on how you have setle with them .

send me the whole details now ok.
N.B. and i dont realy understand that invitation letter open up to me iam not playing and am not a kid be alert am not happy here anymore ok.

Regard.
Mr Agu.
^ Font actual size, lol.

In a curious development, apparently my first e-mail was forwarded to him (which he included in his huge font sized e-mail back to me), but in their haste, the lads forgot to delete their messages to each other:
Mr.Ik,

This is what the man send in the other box.

Thanks,
From Celestine

Hmm, Mr. Ik huh? The Swedish Chef grows suspicious:
Deer Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Egoo,

I em a leettle-a cunffoosed. Bork bork bork! Vhu is Mr. Ik und vhu is Celesteene-a? Vhu ere-a zeese-a peuple-a?

I'm surry ebuoot zee infeeteshun letter. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I veell vreete-a a better oone-a leter. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I hefe-a cuntected zee bunk. I sent zeem a feele-a tu doonlued boot zeey cuoold nut oopee it. Um de hur de hur de hur. I esked zeem vhet zee prublem ves und zeey hefe-a nut respunded tu me-a yet. Um de hur de hur de hur. Du yuoo vunt me-a tu send yuoo zee feele-a und see-a iff yuoo cun oopee it?

I em cunffoosed, yuoo esk hoo my femeely is und zeen yuoo yell et me-a. I em nut a leettle-a cheeld und I em nut pleyeeng ieezeer!

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:17 pm

August 9th continued
Subject: URGENT REPLY NOW NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Sephan.
i have received your mail and it is noted

now send me the fee so that i will know what to do ok
iam waiting for you now to here fro ok.

Regard.
Mr Agu

I admit it. Even I don't know what the heck I'm writing anymore.

Deer Egoo,

Nu, I'm nut gueeng tu vreete-a tu yuoo egeeen unteel yuoo leern tu spell my neme-a reeght. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Hoo zee hell du yuoo theenk yuoo ere-a? Yuoo ere-a fery roode-a, sur. Fery roode-a indeed. Bork bork bork! I em heeghly ooffffended by yuoor etteetoode-a.

-Stephun Idberg

Subject: URGENT REPLY NOW NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear-Stephun Idberg.

i have received your mail and there is no problem about spelling your name .mind you that iam not an ilitrate and you know this is business so you have to overlook some satin thing. please my friend open up to me so that i will understand you more.send to me your detail on how you have gone with your directed bank.and send me your phone number now

Dear stephun idberg.please send me your detail on how you have gone with the bank.try to show mercy you know i have spent a lot on this transaction.

Regrds.
Mr Agu.

N.B. iam still waiting for you here and send me your ID.ok

(Well, at least it's in normal sized font this time.)

Two questions:
1) What does he mean by "some satin thing"?
and
2) How does he understand what I write?
Kind of a different writing style too - Maybe Mr. Ik couldn't take it anymore and Celestine took over.

Deer Egoo,

Fery vell. Boot yuoo steell hefe-a nut unsvered my qooesshun. Vhu ere-a Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Ik und Celesteene-a?

Here-a egeeen is my phune-a noomber und I.D. 206-309-0034

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:20 pm

August 10th:
Dear Stephun .

i have received your mail this morning andit is well noted .thosepeople you mentioned their names are our family family friends. and i do work with their laptop some time whenever my own has problem.that is the reason why their name appeared there so there is no problem with them ok.

but still Dear i have not understand you uptil now please open up to me so i will understand you more.

i told you that iam no more happy here tell me how you have gone with your directed bank .because i do not know where to stand now.
tell me how you have setle with them ok.because iam afriad on how this transantion is goining.

Regards.

Deer Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Egoo,

I'm nut soore-a I booy yuoor ixpluneshun. Ifee iff yuoo vere-a useeng yuoor freeends leptup, vhy vuoold zeey be-a inclooded in zee furverded meeel? It is fery soospeeciuoos. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

Hoo du yuoo vunt me-a tu oopee up tu yuoo? Du yuoo vunt me-a tu tell yuoo ebuoot my cereer es a cheff?

I reelly hefen't heerd frum zee bunk in a lung teeme-a. Zeey cun't seem tu doonlued zee feele-a I sent zeem. I dun't knoo vhet zeeur prublem is. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

Oh good, we're back to the HUGE font:

Subject: : : : URGENT REPLY NOW NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Stephun

tell me your plan over the money the bank here send to spain in your consent.if you have collected the money tell me because it seems you are playing with my sweat .and you know that it is only means i can use to my childrens up . tell me your plan

because you told me that you will not dissappoint me but now i do not know your plan anymore ok waiting here now to here from you ok.

Regards.
AGU.

Well, since he wants his reply NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!, I think I'll wait a few days until I write back to him. The Swedish Chef needs the weekend to pout.

Posted: Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:25 pm

Otterfan wrote:

I hope you do get the courage to try a phone call with that bait. It would be hilarious if you can pull off the accent.

Oh, I wish I could Laughing

. Unfortunately, in real life I'm an American woman with a terrible Swedish Chef impression. I would love to find a Swedish Chef soundboard, but all I've found so far are full sketch mp3s from The Muppet Show. I was able to cut one down and just get his song, that's what I used for the K7 voicemail.

Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 5:08 pm

August 11th

Subject: : REPLY ASAP
Dear Stephun how are you together with your family;

i have been waiting to hear from you since yesterday.
now may i know your plan .are you planing to ruin my family live that made you to leave that money there or what or are you planing to collect that huge amout alone.

while you know how much i have spent so far . please tell me your plan you know i do not know that people at initial time .and mind you that the money is only thing we have for our life.

so tell me what is holding you to clear that money out of that directed bank ok
and i believe that you have to remember God always .because i am here praying day and
night for our success so pray hard also ok..

Regards
Agu.

I love how the more anxious he's feeling, the bigger the font size he uses.

Agu wrote me again on August 12th. He's running out of ideas. His letter is the same exact letter he wrote me on August 9th. The Swedish Chef is not impressed:

Deer Egoo,

Deedn't yuoo elreedy send me-a thees letter oon Oogoost 9t? Yuoo ere-a repeeteeng yuoorselff und yuoo ere-a nut mekeeng sense-a. I deed nut reply tu yuoo becoose-a yuoo hefe-a beee su roode-a tu me-a. Vhy shuoold I vreete-a yuoo beck vhee yuoo ere-a su roode-a tu me-a?

I theenk I cuntected zee bunk. I dun't remember. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Yuoo hefe-a mede-a me-a su upset. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Und stup eskeeng ebuoot my femeely. Bork bork bork! I hefe-a nu femeely. Bork bork bork! I em a seengle-a Svedeesh mun defuted tu zee ert ooff cuukeeng. I hefe-a nu teeme-a fur a femeely. Bork bork bork!

I hefen't heerd frum zee bunk seence-a Oogoost 7t vhee zeey cuooldn't get zee feele-a tu vurk. Thet's zeeur prublem, nut meene-a!

-Stephun

Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 11:09 pm

Great stuff.....another tear-jerker. Very Happy

How the heck do these mugu's not know they are being baited?

Elite Baiter Joined: 01 May 2006 Posts: 1693

Thet ves fery foonny zee ideeut moost hefe-a zee peteeence-a ooff a seeent Laughing

419Eater is my life Joined: 29 Dec 2006 Posts: 370

great work Worf, very funny stuff there. Very Happy

Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 12:38 pm

I sent Agu a few more e-mails:

August 13th:

Deer Egoo,

Vhet is zee prublem? Yuoo boog me-a oofer zee veekend und noo yuoo cun't reply tu me-a? I'm beggeeneeng tu theenk yuoo ere-a nut sereeuoos ebuoot thees trunsecteeun.

-Stephun

Nothing. So one more try on August 14th:
Deer Egoo,

I gooess yuoo dun't vunt tu telk tu me-a nu mure-a. Peety. Bork bork bork! I ves joost ebuoot tu geefe-a yuoo zee MTCN noomber. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Meybe-a I'll feend sumeune-a ilse-a tu help me-a. A fery neece-a mun nemed Usman Bello hes beee i-meeeling me-a. Meybe-a I'll telk tu heem.

Seencerely,
Steffun Idberg

August 15th, he's back Smile

Subject: OPEN UP OK

Dear stephun .
i. Agu did not understood what you mean ok.

and let me tell you the truth . huge amount like that will never lost ok. i must recover it back ok.
i can see that you are a hopeless human being.

thanks.

Open up? Okay. The chef tries to tell Agu about his life and his career with his mentor, Kermit.

Deer Egoo,

Vhy ere-a yuoo su roode-a tu me-a? Thet's nut fery neece-a, celleeng me-a a hupeless hoomun beeeng. I em a fery sooccessffool cheff! I em certeeenly nut hupeless. Um gesh dee bork, bork!

I dun't qooeete-a understund vhet yuoo meun by "oopee up". Du yuoo vunt me-a tu tell yuoo mure-a ebuoot my persunel leeffe-a?

Vell, I ves hured in zee sefenteees tu be-a a persunel cheff fur a gentlemun nemed Kermeet. Um de hur de hur de hur. Kermeet ves a fery femuoos celebreety in Svedee. Ifentooelly, he-a gefe-a me-a a cuukeeng segment oon hees fereeety shoo. It vent oofer reelly vell. Ve-a deed thet fur ebuoot 5 yeers. Um gesh dee bork, bork! He-a ifentooelly vent intu zee mufeees und I fullooed heem. Ve-a noo cu-oovn seferel restoorunts tugezeer. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! I oove-a my inture-a cereer tu heem.

Du yuoo vunt tu knoo mure-a?

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 12 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

I can't believe this is still going on

Master Baiter Joined: 30 May 2007 Posts: 101

Su fery seelly. Bork bork bork!

I ebsulootely lufe-a it.

Um de hur de hur de hur. Du zeey hefe-a a Svedeesh Cheff tu Ingleesh trunsletur perheps ?

Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 3:13 pm

It seemed like Mr. Agu had finally gotten fed up and stopped writing to The Swedish Chef. Just for laughs, I decided to write Mr. Agu as The Swedish Chef again, this time using perfect english Wink

. Let's see what happens.

August 17th:
Subject: Where are you?

Dear Agu,

Why have you stopped writing to me? What is going on?

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

It appears that the use of correct english has totally confused Mr. Agu and he tries to start the scam all over again.

August 18th:
Dear Stephan,

How are you today and your family, i hope all is well. I knew you will say that i have disappointed you, well am so sorry for that ok.

I just want to let you know that i have concluded the transaction which i contacted you in past to assist me, with the help of a friend in Japan. The money has been transfered to Japan Bank.

But i did not forget your past effort in trying to help me get the money transfered. Now i want you, therefore to get in touch with Mr.Samuel Komoh, he works for me as a secretary, you should ask him to deliver to you $1.500.000.00.USD that i have drafted in your name as a reward for your past effort ok.
He has my instruction in that direction.

I will also like you to reconfirm your contact information as you wish to receive your money to him as I stated below to enable him send the Cheque to you.

1. YOUR FULL NAMES:
2. DELIVERY ADDRESS:
3. TELEPHONE NUMBER:
4. COUNTRY:

So feel free to contact him on the below email :samko**[email protected] I am right now in Japan, and I have giving him $100 for the mailing fee.

Do not forget to get back to me as soon as you encashes the money ok.

Thanks, and remain blesed.

Mr.Agu anyanwume.

Well, okay then.

August 19th:
Deer Egoo,
I hefe-a cuntected Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!Kumuh es yuoo instroocted. Bork bork bork! I hupe-a yuoo ere-a hefeeng a neece-a teeme-a in Jepun.

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

Might as well write Mr. Komoh too.

August 19th
Subject: Agu told me to contact you

Deer Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Kumuh,

Hellu, my neme-a is Stephun Idberg. I ves tuld tu cuntect yuoo by Mr. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp! Egu. Hurty flurty schnipp schnipp!
Here-a is my inffurmeshun:
Neme-a: Stephun Idberg
Deleefery Eddress: 333 Pooppet St. Um de hur de hur de hur. Oouleff
Telephune-a noomber: 206-309-0034
Cuoontry: Sveden

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

August 21st, Mr. Komoh writes back:

Subject: GET BACK TO ME

Dear Stephan,

I received your mail and i want to inform you that your Bank Draft Cheque was deposited with me here in my office by my boss Agu.

He instructed me that a friend of him will contact me,so that i will send it to him.

But dear Stephan, i don't know what you mean by, Hurty flurty schnipp.

Mr.Samuel.

Oh dear lord, these lads are stupid.

Everytime I think, "Well, this bait is over. Time to remove the 'ongoing' from the title", it starts back up again.

Deer Mr. Komoh,

I'm surry, my ingleesh is nut thet guud. Bork bork bork! I gooess I em zee freeend thet Mr. Agu tuld yuoo ebuoot. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Hoo du I get zee check frum yuoo?

Tu unsver yuoor qooesshun, "Hurty flurty schnipp " is a Svedeesh ixpresseeun ooff freeendship.

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

August 22nd:
Dear Stephan,

Thanks,for mail,i have understood you well,but you have to know that since am not a swedish you don't need to speak swedeen for me.

Ok, i promise you that by tomorrow mornig i will go to the Fedex Company to deposit your Bank Draft Cheque so that they will send it you immediately,because i don't have chance today in my office.

Thanks,and remain bless.
Mr.Samuel.
(SECRETARY)

Oh I would love to have a big check made out to "The Swedish Chef." Time to sign up for a premium membership so I can get a drop box! I hope Samuel doesn't mind me wanting to change the address for the check.

Dear Samuel,

I'm sorry, I just assumed that you knew swedeen. I will try my english better. Is possible for check to go to different address? Pooppet St. is home address and would like check go to business address.

Also, could check be made out to "The Swedish Chef" instead of Stephan Edberg. Want to use money to help business, so me would like check to be made out to business name "The Swedish Chef".

I am to open new restaurant and need money to open. You agree?

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Dear Stephan,

Please i don't understand what your saying, if you know were i will send you your Bank Draft Cheque just send it to me so that i will not made mistake in your adress.

Thanks,
Samuel

Dear Samuel,

Thank you for understanding. I opening new restaurant in USA and want check sent there.

Please make sure check made out to "The Swedish Chef".

Sorry again for my poor english

I just got a premium membership, so hopefully a check will be on it's way soon to a drop box Smile

.

Update 8/23/07: Crap, this is an advance fee fraud. I was really hoping it was a check scam.

Maybe, if I ask real nice, I can turn it into a check scam? I want a check in the name of The Swedish Chef!

Subject: MY OUTCOME FROM THE COMPANY.

Dear Stephan,

Thanks for your mail,including your mailing address where I can send your Cheque.I have gone to the Fedex company to dispatch your Cheque and on getting there with the $100, Agu gave me for the delivery charges, they demanded for the insurance coverage bond, they said that it cannot be dispatched without insurance bond. I went to the Insurance Company to obtain the Bond and they said that I have to pay $145 only including VAT on the face value of the Cheque.

Actually, before Agu traveled, he gave me only $100 for the courier delivery charges but your Cheque can not be delivered without insurance coverage.

I advise that you should send the $145 so that I can go back and get the insurance coverage done and dispatch your Cheque immediately.You have to send the $145 via Western Union system to enable me obtain the insurance and go back to the Fedex company and send the Cheque to you and send you the tracking numbers once it is sent.

You should send the money with the name below;-
NAME: SAMEUL KOMOH
COUNTRY: BENIN REPUBLIC
CODE: 229
TEXT QUESTION: WHO
ANSWER :STEPHEN.
AMOUNT..
MTCN..

Mr.Samuel Komoh.

Dear Samuel,

Can I not take the $145 out of the check on I get it? I could cash the check and then send the money back to you.

I would be happy to do so.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

If he says no, I'm going back to chef speak!

edited to add: I hope I'm not teaching the lad how to do a check bait Confused

.

Dear Stephan,

Thanks,for your mail,and i want to inform you that this is an Bank Drfat Cheque, that it can't be possible to remove the fee out of it.

If that would have being possible i would have done that,so i advise you to go and send the money so that i will go back to the insurance office and obtain the Bond and send you your Cheque immediatly to you.

Finally,bear it in mind that the Cheque was issued with date.

Thanks,and remain bless.
Mr.Samuel.

Dear Samuel,

I don't think you understand.

I could cash check, then send you money via Western Union. You don't have to remove fee now. I remove fee and mail to you once I get check.

I poor right now. Get money once get check. No problem, okay?

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

August 24th:

Subject: I HAVE UNDERSTOOD

Dear Stephan,

I have understood you,but how do you receive your Cheque? i told you that they demanded for $145 for the insurance Bond and Vat they will pest at the face of your Cheque to avoid any problem along the way.

Again am ordery secretary, i don't have the money if i have the money i would have pay for that when you receive the Cheque and cash it you send my money back,but i don't have any money now.

Thanks,
Samuel

Dear Samuel,

Well I don't have any money now either. Mr. Agu did not tell me I need money before I get check. I promise send you money after get check. Can't you borrow money from Agu?

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 5:17 pm

Oh dear GOD that is one of the funniest things I've ever read.
Laughing

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 2:10 pm

Could you possibly try to get bank account info out of him? ... and pass on to Alan419 for the shutting down of!? Wink

Not quite a Newb Joined: 21 Aug 2007 Posts: 20

lol that's funny and more creative than my scambait attempt

Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 3:05 pm

Ted,

I'd love to get a bank account - if Mr. Komoh is able to follow along long enough for me to get one Laughing

.

Pig,

This one was a total fluke. I thought it would be over after two e-mails. It's now entering the seventh week.

Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 5:44 pm

August 24th, and Samuel is not buying the check scam idea. Oh well, if he had paid attention, he could have learned a new scamming skill. I guess it's good that he didn't.

Dear Stephan

Agu gave me $100 for delivering of the Cheque before he traveled to Japan,again he doesn't know that they will still demand for money for the insurance Bond.

Dear Stephan, i don't know if you are the rightfull owner of this Cheque because i don't see any seriousness in you that prove that you are the rightfull owner of this Cheque.

So,please Stephan you can see that i have tried my best about your Banks Draft Cheque.

Thanks,
Samuel

Well Samuel, now you've got the Swedish Chef all upset and when the chef gets upset, his english suffers.

Dear Samuel,

I dun't understund yuoo! Hoo cun yuoo sey I em nut zee reeghtffool oovner ooff thees check! Mr. Aug hes ell ooff my pepervurk und my pesspurt scun.

It is nut my foolt thet Mr. Agu deed nut geefe-a yuoo inuoogh muney tu meeel zee check. Mr. Agu deed nut tell me-a tu hefe-a uny peyment reedy fur yuoo ieezeer! Pleese-a cell Mr. Agu in Japan und streeeghtee thees oooot. Um de hur de hur de hur.

I'm surry, boot my ingleesh gets vurse-a vhee I em upset. Um de hur de hur de hur.

Seencerely,
Stephun Idberg

I hadn't heard from Samuel in a few days so I sent him an e-mail with a subject line that I knew would get his attenion "money."

August 27th:

Dear Mr. Komoh,

You get last e-mail? I write Agu. Tell him give you money to mail check.

I'm surry ebuoot my lest i-meeel I ves upset. Um de hur de hur de hur. Hupeffoolly yuoor buss veell geefe-a yuoo zee muney yuoo need tu meeel zee check noo.

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

Worked like a charm Smile

August 29th:

Dear Stephan,

How are you today including your family hope all is well?.i have wrote many email to Agu, but he could'nt reply,regarding of this Bank Draft Cheque he kept for me before he travled to Japan, to know who is the owner of this draft to avoid wrong sending of the Cheque, because i don't know if your the owner of this Cheque.

But am still waiting for him to reply my mail,actually before he travled to Japan he told me that he can't be able to write email because of his investment project.

Thanks,and remain bless.
Samuel komoh.

Dear Samuel,

So I wait for Agu to write you? Yes? Bork!

Sincerely,
Stephan Edberg

I had to throw in one gratuitous "Bork!". If I don't, what's the point of this bait?

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