It's confuse a Barrister week!

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Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:33 pm

Wow, this Barrister has got really off script with me. His early emails were all business like and well written, but I seem to have caused him a bit of a meltdown:

Quote:

barrister,oghior edward to me

HELLO SIR,
THAEWRE WILL BE NO WAY THAT I WILL NOT INFORMED YOU OF THIS FUNDS BECOS I NEED TO DELIVERD THIS FUNDS TO SINCE IM TO DO THAT YOU TRY TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE INSULTING ME ALL THE TIME BUT GO DKNOW IM NOT WHO YOU THINK No shit mugu? I GAVE YOU MY ID TO KNOW ME WHICH YOU KNOWS ME FOR NOW YOU TELL INSULTE ME FOR NOW .
IN A NUT SHELL YOU TRY TO UNDERDTSAND THAT IM A BARRISTER NOT THOSE THAT SCAM YOU TRY TO KNOW THAT IM VERY REALY WITH YOU IM TELL YOU WHAT YOU NEED BEFORE YOIU WILL SEND THE MONEY LET ME KNOW , SO I CAN SEND TI TO SO THE FUNDS CAN BE SFHITE TO YOUR COUNTRY IMMDIALTEY THE DILOPMAT WILL CALL YO AND MAKE THIS DELIVERY OF THI SFUNDS TO YOU SPAIN YOU COUNTRY AND I WILL LIKE TO KNOW FROM . I dont remember saying I was in Spain

LET ME TELL YOU MY WORK KEEP PILLING UP ARE I HAVE DELVERY FUNDS TO SPAIN JUST LAST WEEK THAT WHY IM TELL YOU THAT I WILL LIK ETO INCLAUDES YOUR DSO What??THIS CAN BE DELIVERY TO YOU HOW MUCH I TOLD YOU TO PAY WHEN DOCUMNETS ARE DONE WITH 11,700 US DOLLAR AND FOR THE FUNDS TO GET TO THE BENEFICARY AT THE DELIVERY POINT TO ME THEY BOUTH WINE TO THE DILOPMAT MAN AND MEET WITH FACE TO FACE ALL IM TELL YOU I WILL LIKE YOU TO NOTE THAT WE ARE VERY FIT TO MAKE THIS DELIVERY DO NOT THINK THAT I WILL BE SO BAD TO YOU THIS FUNDS IS THERE IN THE COMPANY FOR LONG TRY TO MAKE THIS FUNDS GET TO YOU I CALL YOU WITH ALL MY TIME BUT ALL THINGS REMIND THE SAME YOU TRY TO THINK HOW MUCH YOU HAVE SPEND FOR THIS FUNDS HER WERE THE FUNDS IS BEEN KEEP NOW BELIVE ME COMPLY WITH ME GOD BLES YOU BARRISTER EDWARD KUFFOUR.

BLESS

Quote:

Dear Barrister

I'm sorry, you say you are pilling up, I can see that you are on
drugs. I never said that you were a scammer, what gave you that idea?

how are you going to sfhiote the funds? Why will you lik Eto? Who is
he anyway? I dont want a dilopmat bringing me wine anyway.

I note what you say about your fees, but my firm have already run up
substantial bills, which I assume you or your diplomat will settle
before you travel.

Thankyou,

--
Barrister Les Batt3rsby

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

First of all, I liked your reply Smile

Secondly, I like the fact that he obviously spent a while writing that drivel.
You should tell him that you didn't understand what he meant in that email and he should try to write a longer email explaining it further. Twisted Evil

It might be painful for you to read but it appears that it's hard for him to write!

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:43 pm

Every week is Confuse a Barrister or Sack a Lawyer Week!

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:45 pm

Yeah. It's sack the Barrister time Roy.

Lovely reply by the way. But why don't you want wine from the diplomat? I'll have it if it's going spare.

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:46 pm

Quote:

Sack a Lawyer Week!

That's my favourite week of all. Especially in the rare case that the Lawyer and Original sender are different people. Destroying relationships is so much fun. Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:48 pm

I had tears in my eyes reading that letter from Barrister Edward....I think that the good Barrister Edward must also have had something in his eyes too.... Laughing

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 2:52 pm

Quote:

But why don't you want wine from the diplomat? I'll have it if it's going spare.

Actually it's the barrister who's going spare. But you knew that.

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:31 pm

That Barrister is terrible at punctuation! I would think that better grammer *** and manners would be required from a law school graduate.

*** Mod Note: Grammer is a town in Indiana, USA.

Posted: Fri Jul 27, 2007 3:59 pm

There should be a breath-a-lyzer straw attached to Lad keyboards.
If they blow over the limit...the keyboard won't work.

In this case, it appears the Lad failed the test, but tried to use the keyboard anyway.

This is a classic considering a well educated, articulate barrister wrote it... Shocked

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 12:52 am

Quote:

barrister,oghior edward
to me
18:54 (6 hours ago)
Dear SIR,
GOOD JUST CALL HIM AND DO TELL HIM OF THIS VERY FUNDS AND GIVE HIM MY EMAIL ID AND MY NUMBER TO CALL OUR CAMP ASSTANCE DIRECTOR TO GET TO ME 0023324086868 (feel free folks)

NOTE THIS THIS NAME OF THE DILOPMAT (What? Which this this name of the dilpomat where?)

DILOPMAT WHICH THE PERSIDENT JUST SEND TO MAKE YOUR DELIVERY FUNDS TO YOU , SO HIS NAMES IS (DR SAMJOR MAGEL 0034659724551 )FROM GENUINE SO I WILL LIKE YOU TO DO CO OPRATE WITH HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO MEET HIM

So, there you are, sounds quite risky free to me. Rolling Eyes

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 1:02 am

Quote:

I WILL LIKE YOU TO DO CO OPRATE WITH HIM AS SOON AS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO MEET HIM

Quote:

WHOIS - 41.204.37.243
Generated by www.DNSstuff.com

Location: Ghana (high) [City: Accra, Greater Accra]

I'm sure I could meet the dilopmat somewhere.... Smile

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 1:08 am

I just loved that reply from the "barrister" talk about falling to bits.... lol

For the purpose of a further delaying tactic, I recently objected to the quality of a form I was supposed to submit to the "Bank" and the "barrister" wrote back saying that I was being hostile! In my reply I think I have managed to put in a good five slaps at least, am still awaiting his reply but it WILL come. God help him if he now makes a spelling mistake.......

"Dear Mr. Eze,

No, sorry you misunderstand me, I am not being hostile it is just that your secretary has produced a document that looks like it was written by a five year old child. It is really very shabby and puts both you and I in a really bad light.

To start with no one in their right mind would ever dream of sending in a document that was completely written in upper-case letters, upper-case should only ever be used to EMPHASISE a word or phrase, to construct a complete letter using CAPITALS is to be considered extremely rude and insulting, much more so then using a red ink or font. Normally letters should be written in mainly lower-case letters as this one is.

Imagine what you would think of me if I had started this letter with:

DEAR MR EZE,

NO, SORRY YOU MISUNDERSTAND ME, I AM NOT BEING HOSTILE IT IS JUST THAT YOUR SECRETARY HAS PRODUCED A DOCUMENT THAT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS PRODUCED BY A FIVE YEAR OLD etc. etc.

Do you see what I mean now? I can honestly say that should somebody ever send me a letter constructed in that fashion, I would just throw it in the waste paper basket without even reading it. That coupled with the awful spelling mistakes, which the simplest of spell checkers set to English would correct and then there is the further question of layout plus words that have no spaces between them, in short, everything about it reeks.

I honestly could not bring myself to send a letter like that to a close member of my own family let alone to an International Bank with whom we are trying to impress upon that they are dealing with professional people. It is a matter of a complete lack of both simple good business etiquette coupled with basic good manners.

Have you maybe changed secretaries or are using a temp? I ask this because I have just had another look at the first letter that you sent me (18th Inst) and that was fine, I can�t really fault that one at all. May I suggest you retain that member of your staff to deal with all your correspondence and that you confine the other idiot to simple tasks such as filing and making the tea because she has already put you in a very bad light purely by the fact that we are even having this conversation.

GOOD GOD man! I shouldn�t have to explain all this to a qualified person especially one in your profession when even one tiny spelling mistake would invalidate a legal document. What sort of chambers are you running there? We have now wasted several days; let us waste no further time in the future.

Respectfully Yours"

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 1:13 am

Quote:

Dear Barrister,

I'm sorry, what's a dilopmat? I know what a laundromat is (especially
since my wife left), but I'm afraid you've lost me. Who's the
persident? Is it like a resident?

Your assistance director, do you call him camp because he is a bit
effeminate? In my country that's just not on.

Where does Dr Somosa want to meet me anyway? Cote D'Ivoire is
convenient for me at this time of the year.

--
,

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 1:56 am

@RebRoy:

Careful not to educate your lad too much! Wink

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:31 am

@rebroy...
Forms that appear to be prepared by children are very acceptable.
As a matter of fact, they are preferred... Laughing

1. Slap your Lad for not e-mailing at least twice a day. We are talking millions so you need to know every detail of what is going on....
2. Slap your Lad for receiving all his e-mails twice (even though you only get one)
3. Slap your Lad for e-mailing you twice a day...you are a very busy person.
(this contradicts #1 but you are allowed to contradict yourself considering the Lad does it everyday.)

OR...even better...just slap the Lad for no reason. Laughing

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 10:06 am

Exasperated barrister has resorted to copying bits of his old letters to me.

Quote:

Dear barrister,

Tell the dilpomat I am at the
until 8th August, then I fly to LA.

If he wants me, he will have to bring the trunkbox here. I am on a
safari with my wife, Cilla, and she will not let me go off anywhere
doing business, we are here to get away from all that.

I tried that phone number, I get a recording of a ladies voice in a
language which I do not speak.

Say hello to the Persident for me, It is an honour to do business with
such phosphorescent eminations. I hope the dilpomat doesn't drink all
the wine

By the way, who is Barrister Kuffor?

--
Barrister Les Battersby

Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 11:21 pm

Quote:

Dr morris akon
to me

show details
12:49 (11 hours ago)

DEAR SIR.

SEND ME THE TOPLESS LADY PICTURE YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE I AM SURPRISE IN WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.

WHILE WE ARE READY TO MAKE THE DELIVERY ,CAN YOU GO TO SPAIN OR THE DELIVERY SHOULD COME TO YOU IN USA.

PLEASE ANSWER THIS QUESTION AND FORGET ABOUT THE TOPLESS LADY OF A THING.

MORRIS AKON.+233243350214

Quote:

Sir,

I am in Ouango, in Cote D'Ivoire, not Spain, can you deliver here, I
will give you directions.

I cannot go to sapin to meet your dilpomat.

I attach the picture, please don't be offended, your client sent it to
me, know he acts as if nothing happened.

I told you before, when I ring that number I get a prerecorded
announcement in a foreign languauge, What should I dial from here?

The phone number I gave you should divert to my mobile, but the signal
here is very iffy,

My hovercraft is full of eels.

--
Barrister Les Batt3rsby

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Meanwhile, Lord n0rris is confusing barristers of his own, as his contribution to C.A B.W. this barrister really doesn'y want to send me a picture of him holding a sign with my mate from down the pub's name on it.

If I can't make them go on unplanned holidays, i love getting them 100% off script, just as I ignore theirs.

Quote:

GOOD DAY LORD N0RRIS,

I HAVE READ YOUR MAIL,AND THE CONTENTS WELL UNDERSTOOD.

YOU ALSO SEEM NOT TO HAVE TAKEN TIM,E TO READ THE MAIL I SENT TO YOU.
I CLEARLY STATED THAT MY ELECTRICAL APPLIANCES ARE BAD AND HAS CRASHED DUE TO HIGH POWER VOLTAGE,THE COMPUTER AM USING IS THAT OF MY DAUGHTER So, barristers in ladland have to use their daughter's computer...,AND IN IT I DO NOT HAVE MY PICTURES.

I WILL GET YOU A PICTURE OF ME AS SOON AS I CAN,BUT THAT SHOULD NOT BE A PREDICAMENT FOR US TO PROCEED FURTHER ON THIS TRANSACTION,LIKE YOU HAVE SAID YOU ARE A WEALTHY MAN AND DO NOT NEED MY MONEY,THEN WHY DONT YOU ASSIST ME TO GET RICH?.

DO HAVE IN YOUR HEART THAT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE,ALL I NEED IS YOUR ASSISTANT. (Geezer, the butler, was very shocked by that)

WHY DONT YOU EXPLAIN TO YOUR BUTLER AND MAKE HIM SEE REASONS WHY YOU HAVE TO HELP ME,MY LIFE AND THAT OF MY ENTIRE FAMILY DEPENDS ON THIS $3.1 MILLION US DOLLARS.

THE PROCESS WILL TAKE US JUST 10 WORKING DAYS FOR THE TRANSFER,OR IF YOU WANT THIS FUNDS TO COME TO YOU IN A DIPLOMATIC BOX OF CONSIGNMENT,DO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU FEEL.

IT HURTS ME BITTERLY THAT YOU ARE DEAF,AS I INTENDED CALLING YOU TO SPEAK TO YOU THROUGH YOUR PHONE NUMBER AS STATED IN YOUR MAIL.

IS YOUR BUTLER A CHRISTAIN?.DOESNT HE KNOW THAT IT PAYS TO HELP,BETTER STILL SINCE YOU SAID YOU ARE ALREADY RICH THEN 30 PERCENT OUT OF THE TOTAL SUM OF $3.1 WILL BE GIVEN TO HIM ONCE YOU RECIEVE THIS FUNDS. You're joking, it would go to his head and give him ideas above his station

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY OVER AS AM THE ONE TO BE WORRIED COS I REALLY DO NOT KNOW YOU,BUT AM CONFIDENT THAT DUE TO YOUR PERSONALITY YOU CANT WISK AWAY WITH THE FUNDS.

PLEASE LORD N0RRIS YOU ARE MY LAST HOPE ON THIS DEAL.

I KNOW THAT HE HAS SAVED YOUR LIFE IN THE PAST,BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT HE IS TO INSTRUCT YOU ON WHAT TO DO.

BEST REGARDS

Quote:

dear Yusuf,

I lost a lot of money when a transaction with the central bank of
Nigeria went wrong, so in fact my wife insists that she or Geezer
monitor my internet use, and do things properly.

You would not want to cross my wife, she is the Queen's 3rd cousin,
and a fearsome woman.

If you have something to hide, i dont suppose you will be able to come
up with a security photo, we will see. If this means so much to you,
it is a small obstacle.

When you are rich, you must come to the castle, we could go shooting together.

--
Lord Norris of Cole

Quote:

GOOD DAY N0RRIS,

NOW I UNDERSTAND YOU PROPERLY AND THE CONTENTS OF YOUR MAIL WELL UNDERSTOOD .

NOW I SEE THE REASONS WHY YOU INSIST ON ME TAKING A PICTURE TO BE SURE YOU ARE DEALING WITH A REAL PERSON AND NOT A FRAUDSTER,I MUST CONFESS TO YOU THAT A FRIEND OF MINE WHO USED TO LIVE IN LEEDS,U.K HAS ALSO BEEN A VICTIM WHERE HE LOST CLOSE TO 30,000 POUNDS .
FOR THIS REASON, REST ASSURED THAT AM A SINCERE MAN,I WILL ENSURE I TAKE A PICTURE OF MYSELF HOLDING A SIGN SAYING ( LORD NORRIS OF COLE, EDDIS0N HAWKE ) .

BY THE GRACE OF GOD BY TUESDAY WHICH IS ABOUT 3 DAYS FROM NOW I WILL TAKE A PICTURE OF ME AND GET IT SCANNED TO YOU,SO THAT WE CAN PROCEED FURTHER AS TIME IS NOT REALLY OUR FRIEND ON THIS ISSUE.

I AM GLAD TO HEAR YOU INVITING ME OVER TO THE CASTLE,THIS WILL ONLY BE POSSIBLE WITH YOUR ASSISTANCE,AS ME AND MY FAMILY INTEND TRAVELLING OVER TO THE U.K. TO START A NEW LIFE ONCE YOU HAVE CONFIRMED THE $3.1 MILLION US IN YOUR ACCOUNT.

YOU HAVE MY WORDS,BY TUESDAY YOU WILL GET A PICTURE OF ME WITH THE SIGN AS STATED ABOVE,FOR YOU TO HAVE AN IDEA OF WHOM YOU ARE DOING BUSINESS WITH.

CAN I CALL THE NUMBER AND SAY I WANT TO SPEAK TO GEEZER?,DO INFORM ME SO THAT I CAN PUT A CALL ACROSS EXPLAINING THINGS BETTER TO HIM.

BEST REGARDS.

YUSUF ADAMS

He did call the number: AUDIO LINK

Another one to Lord N, his box is quite fruitful tonight: Shocked

Quote:

Dear sir,

What you are saying sound funny to my ear , i have a lot of files on my desk which im taking care of one by one , how can i take a pic with a big carbon paper on my hand , well im not in that game , i was appointed by Africans Leaders to take care of those investors that lost their money during the process of rendering help to some of the refugees. If you want help , i can do so but not by giving me a condition.

This transaction is not a child play but you are playing a child play, so you should forget about me , im not forcing you , i have so many clients to take care of.

Best regards,
Joe Ghartey. Esq

Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 1:06 am

I sent some abuse ASEM's out to my previous barristers I have had dealings with.

This was the most interesting response...

Quote:

I receive a note this morning from Barrister Charles Perlow saying he have had enough of you in this transaction calling him all sort of names and been so lazy to his duties and went to him with my younger sister, he said he�s no longer handling this transaction and with many more reasons. As it is now all I need is your support and to believe in me I will do all I can with the best of my ability.

I never dealt with THAT barrister but if he felt like quitting, then so be it.
Now I have a new lad to bait... Laughing

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