Mundane Super Powers

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Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:08 am

I can understand the lyrics to "Louie Louie", regardless of who is singing it.

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:39 am

^^ ^^ Now THAT takes talent. Shocked

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:46 am

So let me see how this works; Confused

Me " hi guys, remember my chat about the hit-man who wants to kill me?"

Usual suspect "What?"

Me " You know, how I emailed him the fake error message that had him clicking on the computer screen for days."

Usual Suspect. "Uh, OK. But isn't that normal for windows?"

Me " Well yes, But this time it's different. See the message is fake."

Usual Suspect: " Uh, so this guy gets an error message from windows. He clicks on it and nothing happens. He then clicks on it again and nothing happens again. Am I right?"

Me: "Exactly!"

usual Suspect; " But thats what windows does anyway."

Me: "Um, well yes. Kinda, except my messages are fake."

Usual Suspect; " so you plan to thwart scammers by sending them normal windows messages?"

Me: " Oh. Well did I mention that I am also known as Starfighter, Destroyer of Worlds."

Usual Suspect: " So, How much have you been drinking here tonight?"

Me: " What? no. Really I am"

Usual Suspect: "Let me see if I get this straight. These poor Africans who are honestly soliciting money from us for their church or orphanage or even trying to con us with this hit man game so they can finally live a decent life are getting this sort of abuse from you?"

Me: "But everything they send is a fake."

Usual Suspect: " I see. And you really do have super powers that aren't fake?"

Me: "of course"

Usual Suspect: " Check Please. . . . . Sound of money hitting the bar."

Me: " But wait. I used to work in an office with an extra set of rows on the keyboard. And there was this whole ESP and John Walker thing. Did I forget to mention the walking through walls bit and time travel?"

Usual Suspect: Sound of footsteps walking to the Exit door.

Me: " Oh well. At least I can log in to 418eater where all my friends are normal" . . . . . . .

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:12 am

Stoker Thompson wrote:

" Oh well. At least I can log in to 418eater where all my friends are normal" . . . . . . .

Yeah, its the ones at 419Eater that you have to worry about! Wink

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 1:24 pm

I can will my blood pressure to go from its normal 100/60 to 150/90 and back again. I've done it for my doctor, it freaks him out. He always tells me I should donate my body to science fiction when I die.

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 Mar 2006 Posts: 7103 Location: Yes

I can mimic accents with great alacrity. I've done it in various settings in the past -- sometimes getting myself into rather sticky situations, as in the time I was vacationing on an island back when I was 18 with my family and another family we were good friends with.

I convinced these two girls from Minnesota that I was British (I had recently gotten back from a school trip to London and France for a week) -- well that was all fine and well in the bar, but then they wanted to hang around with me and my friend for the next few days. I had to create an elaborate backstory for why I went to college in the U.S. and why my parents spoke with non-British accents. The used to pitch themselves into fits of laughter when I would "pretend" to speak as a Yank. Laughing

Of course, these girls being blonde and from Minnesota -- it wasn't that hard. Wink

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 2:09 pm

Computers I work on, be it at home or at work, develop some kind of malfunction or error message that leaves the IT department baffled, and end up with a new computer at work and reinstalling everything at home. I used disk defragmenter on the first PC we ever had at home and managed to trash the hard drive... Shocked

Oh yes, I hypnotize my bunny when I massage him. You can roll him over just like that! Very Happy

Do these count?

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 2:24 pm

Reprob8 wrote:

I can will my blood pressure to go from its normal 100/60 to 150/90 and back again. I've done it for my doctor, it freaks him out. He always tells me I should donate my body to science fiction when I die.

Why wait?

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:11 pm

Repob8 wrote:

I should donate my body to science fiction when I die

Another Steven Wright fan outs himself.

If you were driving at the speed of light and turned on the headlights, would anything happen?

</threadjack>

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 3:55 pm

^^^^^ Oh, I love Steven Wright....my favourite are: "3000 ants dressed up as rice and robbed a chinise restaurant" and "I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." Laughing

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:09 pm

"I saw a sign that said 24 hour banking.... I don't have time for that."

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 4:15 pm

Anybody remember his appearance in "Mad about you"? Where he played the cutter?
SUCH a great scene:
Paul is standing in the cutting room with Steven Wright, they look at the cutting machine and Paul asks Steven while pointing at the machine: "What does this button do?"
Steven replies: "Nothing".
Paul presses the button and film material flies around in the room.
And Steven says: "Unless you press it" Laughing

Baiting Guru Joined: 03 May 2007 Posts: 18313

oh man, Steven Wright jokes. There are soooo many good ones.

http://www.weather.net/zarg/ZarPages/stevenWright.html

I like this one a lot: "I used to live in a fire hydrant factory, you couldn't park anywhere near the place".

Not quite a Newb Joined: 14 Jul 2005 Posts: 41

If you want, I can split these and make a Steven Wright thread.

....unless all your Mundane Super Powers are derailing threads into the land of 'Off Topic'? Wink

Posted: Fri Jun 08, 2007 6:29 pm

Actually, I stole that joke from Rodney Dangerfield (RIP). Back to the topic at hand ... I can crack my knuckles over and over by making a fist over and over. I can also flip a stack of bar coasters 180 degrees and catch them in mid air with both hands at once! I used to be able to fire a bottle cap by snapping my fingers with deadly accuracy ... alas, my skills have faded in that area.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 23 Oct 2006 Posts: 63

My superhero alter-ego is King Sadim. Everything I touch turns to crap.

Master Baiter Joined: 17 May 2007 Posts: 105

Well... where to start. I am man of wealth and taste, and I am a traveller in both space and time.

Actually no, I'm just an old pleb that like Zep and the Stones.

Smile

0sc4r

Not quite a Newb Joined: 23 Oct 2006 Posts: 63

Now that I think of it, Master Shake on "Aqua Teen HUnger Force" does have a super hero alter ego---

THE DRIZZLE!

He can make it rain on criminals...
If they're outside, and rain is in the forecast.

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 3:29 am

Not super power, just super weird.
In the 70's I operated a sheep foot dirt roller. Shocked

I did this for 3 years. There was about 8 construction companies that installed an addition to one of our major highway in my state. Each company had 7 miles and ours was on top of one of our biggest mountains. The pan (looks like a caterpillar) would scrape the dirt out of the mountain and bring to us. The bull dozer would bring it to me, spread it out and then I would pack it down. It wasn't hard work, It would take them so long to bring the dirt and I would read or tend to my garden (hidden.) Wink

I rolled for 15 mins. out of an hour. Razz

Dearly loved it! Wink

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 6:17 am

I can ride a bicycle facing backwards sitting on the handlebars whilst peddling. Not recommended on public roads. Shocked

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 7:14 am

I see dancing pink elephants,

When I talk to people and they have an accent I copy they're accent, the level of volume they're talking at and their tone..

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 7:26 am

Tommo Shanter wrote:

I can ride a bicycle facing backwards sitting on the handlebars whilst peddling. Not recommended on public roads. Shocked

I did that in a local bike event just this week. It was 750 other bicyclists taking over the road in the town I live in for something called a bike happening. Looks like a street in china with all those people biking. Also did some freestyle/flatland stunts while riding there. God that bike ride was fun. Seriously, imagine 750 other bicyclists around you on the same street, mass anarchy at it's best. Laughing

... and yes I was riding backwards on a public road. This is kind of what a bike happening looks like (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CuZx8CDbaZQ). Basically it's just a bunch of people riding the streets to take it over. We even intermingle with cars it's that crazy.

Oh and my super power, I can drink people under the table. Cool

edit: Dam... I got my Wanna Be baiter status in a super powers thread and not a baiting thread. Oh well. Laughing

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 8:40 am

I can put a doona/duvet/continental quilt in its cover AND do up the poppers in less than 10 seconds.

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 8:50 am

Reaper wrote:

When I talk to people and they have an accent I copy they're accent, the level of volume they're talking at and their tone..

Tell me about it. I can do an excellent impression of Barry Scott from the cilit bang advert [Google it] when such noisy buggers annoy me in the pub. I like to retort : "STOP SHOUTING. I CAN'T!!" They shout on their mobiles and they shout at their mates who are standing a mere foot away.

Why do they always have to walk up and down when on their mobiles? One of life's mysteries. They can't just stand still and do it. Maybe they think their brains won't fry if they keep moving. "TOO LATE MATE!!!"
</end of rant>

I can also talk along to all the annoying adverts on Freeview (UK) word for word, throwing in frequent abuse at their complete lack of acting ability. I need to get out more!

Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:00 am

Blessed with the the power of invisibility ... I can write posts that remain invisible to readers, can make myself invisible in restaurants - the waiters only see though me, the guy at the petrol station never sees me until he discovers me by mistake after he has served everybody else.

I can also read upside down text, can doze off in almost any position (I thnk that's an age thing) am very good at forgetting importamt stuff and recalling useless things.