Have I slapped my lad hard enough?

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Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 9:39 am

Looks like my Wrestling bait is over...my lad accused me of being an alcoholic, so being in a bit of a mood, I went to town on him...

Quote:

Dear Mr Bello,
Oooh, you cheeky sod! I'll have you know that I barely touch alcohol! The only time I drink is a small sherry at christmas, a bottle of whisky on a Friday and Saturday nights, and a bottle of red wine with my meals (and when I drink wine, it's always nice, expensive wine- not that cheap stuff that you Nigerians drink...moonshine or whatever you call it)

So, Mr Bello, its come to this? You have messed up this transaction so many times, that you have actually lost confidence in yourself? I'll tell you something, Mr Bello, you will never get anywhere in Business with an attitude like that. Mind you, you have obviously never really got anywhere in life, so at least the dissapointment of failure will be nothing new to you, eh, you big loser?

I always thought that people from Nigerialand were a great bunch, but not anymore. You see, Mr Bello, you have not only let down yourself, but also your entire country. How does that feel, Mr Bello? How does it feel to have tarnished the reputation of Nigerialand and its fine citizens?

I must say, Mr Bello, you fat oaf, your wife must be disgusted with you. Im surprised she hasnt slipped some rat poison in your dinner- at least that way, she could have benefited from the insurance company rather than spend her life stuck with a man doomed to failure.

Not just your wife, Mr Bello, but what about Jesus? How do you think the poor fellow would have felt if, on the cross, just as he was ready to kick the bucket, someone was to tell him that Mr Bello, one of the people he would be dying for, would turn out to be an incompitent buffoon. I personally think he would say, "Phhh...Im not hanging on this old piece of tree, being prodded with sticks and whatnot, so that a few thousand years down the line, some silly bugger will end up messing up business transactions!". He would then have got down from the cross, went to college and no doubt end up working in Starbucks. You not only let him die, you also stopped him from working for one of the worlds largest coffee retailers. I hope youre pleased with yourself.

So, I think we both agree that I hate you, your wife hates you, Nigerialand hates you, and even our saviour Jesus Christ hates you.

Go on, Mr Bello, say something? Go on, I dare you, you pathetic, crab infested excuse for a lowlife shower of filth!

Now, I think I deserve an apology, dont you? Get back to me.

Frederick Thwistle
Head of Promotions
Isle of Beaver Wrestling Association

Now, what are the odds of me getting a very angry email from him at some point today? Laughing

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 9:55 am

You gave him some good sig material Laughing

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 10:42 am

You have no-one but yourself to blame if he doesn't write an "I love you" letter back.

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 11:04 am

I just love the Jesus on the cross paragraph. Very Monty Python. Jesus in Starbucks. Laughing

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 2:41 pm

Got a reply...to be honest, Im a tad dissapointed that he didnt go nuts..

Quote:

Frederick Thwistle

You are just a talkertive, This is transaction is not for poor men like you, i am sorry to say' but it's the truth, after all the money given by Mcmann, to send for the photos, rather you use to feed your family.
i have no choice but to sort for some one capable, after all, due to your greed, you got money that you kept to your- self but can afford what it's takes to actualise the transaction. What a disappointment you are', to man, britons, and Mcmann.
Bello

Note to self: Slap harder! Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 6:20 pm

It was disappointing. Maybe you need to grovel to him to give him the upper hand (just for a while) then really let him have it!!! Tell him you are sorry, and you are stressed due to the steroid induced pantomine of Isle of Beaver wrestling Very Happy

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 6:38 pm

I love this:

Quote:

you pathetic, crab infested excuse for a lowlife shower of filth!

Can I borrow it? Laughing

Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 8:46 pm

@ Gaz. You owe me new underwear.

Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 3:11 am

Quote:

...moonshine or whatever you call it)

Palm-wine

Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 6:02 am

Obviously, your lad just doesn't geddit. I'm laughing so hard I can't type over here! I don't know how you could slap better than that. Jesus working at Starbucks... that's beautiful.

Best to drop this mugu and save your good slaps for someone who will at least comprehend them!

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