How's this for a chop? UPDATE - he finally figured it out!

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Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 12:03 am

This is my first attempt at a chop...at least, I think this is a chop. Is this how a chop is supposed to work?

Background: pretty straight bait, multiple fruitless 1TV5 transactions, WU forms, MG forms, and some really dastardly slaps. It's one guy playing two roles: the boss, Chris, who supposedly had a payment of $600K for my late husband; and Frank, his assistant, who was supposed to collect the "shipping fee" of $220 from me. It's provided me with a great opportunity to multi-slap, because I can slap Frank directly, and then write Chris and complain vociferously about his boneheaded employee.

But frankly I'm bored with this guy. (To be totally honest, I've exhausted my thesaurus for similes to the word "moron".) So I just sent him this:

Quote:

Dear Chris and Frank,

I am forwarding this message to you so you will know why you will no longer hear from me.

A little while ago I received an email from someone that was very similar to the first email I'd received from you, Chris. I thought perhaps it was someone else in your company trying to complete the process of sending the payment for my late husband Horatio's work, so I asked him that. It turns out that this message was from Peter Smith, the very person who you designated to pick up the money I was to send for the shipping fee for the check.

Mr. Smith explained to me that he is the head of your company, and that you two both work for him. He apologized for all the troubles you have given me in getting my check to me. He also explained a couple of other things to me that made me VERY upset:

1. That there are, in fact, TWO checks for Horatio, and that you had only told me about one. Mr. Smith informed me that he has discovered that you, Chris, were planning on stealing this second check!

2. That there was a bank handling fee of $1,800.00 that was required to get the check issued to me. When did you plan on telling me about this additional fee???

I am happy to say that Mr. Smith has cleared up everything. He has picked up the $220, as well as the bank handling fee of $1,800, and my check is now on it's way. In addition, we are in the process of having the second one sent to me today. Oh, and by the way Frank, Mr. Smith didn't have ANY problems using the verification security website for EITHER transaction, and his assistant has already picked up the money. Just further evidence of your lamebrained stupidity.

He has also informed me that both of you are about to be fired, if you haven't been already.

I just want to say how disgusted I am with the both of you. Well, I already knew that Frank was a mentally defective dunderhead, but Chris, I must say I was horrified to learn of your criminal behavior. To think that I trusted you!

I am very grateful that Mr. Smith has handled everything. As for the two of you, I hope that you choke on your own vomit and fall in the mud where your balls are chewed up and spit out by cockroaches

Have a great day!

Mildred

FORWARDED MESSAGE

Date:

Tue, 15 May 2007 14:56:15 -0700 (PDT)
From:

"Peter Smith"
Subject:

TREAT AS URGENT
To:

[email protected]
Dear Mildred,

I am really appreciated your email and your message is well understood. Both Moneygram Transactions was completed and I thank you, and your bank cheque will most soonly be received by you through UPS service. I pray that God Almighty will never change our minds when the funds is by your side.

Please it must be very important for me to say to you that you have no further contact with Mr Chris J0nes and Mr Frank R0bert. I am very sorry for the bad time that you had in their regard. You must be told that they have being fired today immediately, and are no longer in my employ. Any correspondance that furthers from them is outside of my employ and is probable fraud to trick you. I have learnt only today of their fraud ad trickery, and am well gratful that I was with ability to protect you. Do not answer any such emails or other format or coorespondance they shall atempt to sustain with you. Please treat this as very vitale.

As further to be explained to you, Mr Jones have only revealed to you one of the cheque that was awiting for your late husband to retreve for the many service he enace for the good of company. The first is now in root to your doorsetp. The second for in the amounth of US$800,000 shall pass through the smilar process as the first. In because of the troubles that you have suffered to the incompetence and stupidity of my former employs Mr Jones and Mr Roberts, you well not have to pay the shipping fee of US$220. The bank hanlding fee of US$1,800 is due the similar as the first cheque, and must be paid by you through Moneygram as before, use the same payment info. Please be fast to complete this today to enable os to close this transaction and completion for the services renred by your dear late husband H0ratio Cr@nk. Please send all transaction information to this email only so that I may in my person deal with the nesesary steps involved.

My dear Mildred it has been such sufferirng for you and I am well pleased to bring this to a close for you in the best manner possible. Agan to remind you that not to contact with Mr Jones and Mr Roberts but to forward any further email from them to me at my email here.

May Almighty God protect you.

Mr. Peter Smith

Naturally I wrote both emails...and set up Peter's email so I can catch any nasty emails that the lad writes to the chopper. Oh, and when he tries to go back to 1TV5 for the most recent transaction, he'll see it chopped by Usm@n.

Can't wait to see if he responds.

How'd I do?

Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 12:55 am

Excellent, you have left him not knowing what happened. Kind of a Mugu " catch and release".

Master Baiter Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 101

i think you did that perfectly!

Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 4:23 am

A very nice chop...UB would be proud!!! Laughing

Post a few of the comebacks from your Lad.
Look for "TOP URGENT" in the heading. Laughing

Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 4:34 am

Thanks! Well it's about 5:30 in the morning in Nigeria, so they probably haven't seen it yet. I'll probably have to wait till I get up in the morning to see the results. I can't wait...I hope it's good! Very Happy

Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 4:48 am

Cachuma, that was awsome ... and perfect too

Posted: Wed May 16, 2007 8:11 am

I think this is a really awsome modality.

Expect some frantic emails from your lad. I especially like the part about the verification. The lad must will be really pissed off about himself that he couldn't get it to work.

Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 10:36 pm

Boy, when you guys say these mugus are dumb as planks, you ain't kidding! It took me two days for my lad to figure out that he'd been chopped, even though I pretty much spoon-fed it to him. After several emails from me telling him that I sent my money to his "boss," and then I even sent him a couple of messages from the "chopper" (obviously me) using the Ladspeak translater.

FINALLY my mugu figured it out, and he replied back to the chopper! LOL! I do need a little help translating...anyone want to have a go? Not that it's not pretty obvious what he's saying...but I have to admit to some curiousity about what he means by "less fire will bone you and your family"!

Here's what I wrote to him, from the chopper's email:

Quote:

i told you that i took ur maga, ok. m1!dred cr@nk dey is the won. she sent man picken us$4000 already through moneygram. you need to stay away for her nau, bicos she am bi mine na go send mi more money. but you need to stop writin fo am. I sabi wie you dey na i go come afta you if you no live her alone, ok? do u sabi? stop writin to m1!dred cr@nk bicos she am bi mine nau, ok? i dey sendin you her email that she sent fo man picken so you can see.

I just got this back from my mugu, in my chopper's email:

Quote:

Mr Pet3r Sm1th,
Guy you dey try;ooooo you have collected money from my maga and you don't want to give me my share for your information stay away from the maga or less fire will bone you and your family because you don't reap where you don't swore

I would love ideas on what I should say back to him!

Master Baiter Joined: 14 May 2006 Posts: 139

Ask him for advice about what kind of car you should buy with your new found wealth. Laughing

Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 11:02 pm

Aaaah - that's lads' phonetic spelling. They spell it how they say it so bone = burn

Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 11:14 pm

nice work Cachuma!

I tried this once but it didn't work for me. I like the way you added the forwarded email in it; I think that helped cinch it. Try going here for a lad translator:

Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 11:18 pm

capt_kipper wrote:

Ask him for advice about what kind of car you should buy with your new found wealth. Laughing

Ooh, I like that...I think I'll do that! LOL!

Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 11:41 pm

@ Oxygen: are those lad translators pretty accurate as far as making it seem like you're a lad? Might have to employ that sometime for a random competition streak.

Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 11:49 pm

Well it worked for me! That's what I used for my chopper's email, and obviously my lad bought it. (I only had the link for English to Ladspeak...thanks Oxygen for the link to the Ladspeak-English version.)

One bit of advice I was given right before I sent it was to bear in mind that it translates English into really rough pidgen...which would indicate a lower-level lad. If you want your fake lad to appear to have any standing, you should tone down some of the pidgen, as better English skills will make him appear to be higher up in the mugu food chain.

Master Baiter Joined: 17 May 2007 Posts: 105

Cachuma wrote:

Boy, when you guys say these mugus are dumb as planks, you ain't kidding! It took me two days for my lad to figure out that he'd been chopped, even though I pretty much spoon-fed it to him. After several emails from me telling him that I sent my money to his "boss," and then I even sent him a couple of messages from the "chopper" (obviously me) using the Ladspeak translater.

FINALLY my mugu figured it out, and he replied back to the chopper! LOL! I do need a little help translating...anyone want to have a go? Not that it's not pretty obvious what he's saying...but I have to admit to some curiousity about what he means by "less fire will bone you and your family"!

Here's what I wrote to him, from the chopper's email:

Quote:

i told you that i took ur maga, ok. m1!dred cr@nk dey is the won. she sent man picken us$4000 already through moneygram. you need to stay away for her nau, bicos she am bi mine na go send mi more money. but you need to stop writin fo am. I sabi wie you dey na i go come afta you if you no live her alone, ok? do u sabi? stop writin to m1!dred cr@nk bicos she am bi mine nau, ok? i dey sendin you her email that she sent fo man picken so you can see.

I just got this back from my mugu, in my chopper's email:

Quote:

Mr Pet3r Sm1th,
Guy you dey try;ooooo you have collected money from my maga and you don't want to give me my share for your information stay away from the maga or less fire will bone you and your family because you don't reap where you don't swore

I would love ideas on what I should say back to him!

Give him one of the TWATs ? Light the blue touch paper and stand well back ........

0sc4r

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 7:09 pm

Nice chop! I have yet to try the 'chop you dolla' modality, but this looks like a textbook example of how to execute.

I expect many sig-worthy responses to "u$m4n" from your lad. Smile

Posted: Fri May 18, 2007 7:28 pm

Thanks! I'm hoping for some good ones. Here's what my chopper sent him back...

Quote:

You dey di goat head. i do wetin i get fo. i sent ur maga di same fes script, she thought i work wit you. shee told mi you get cock-a-roaches for ur head ,ok ? it mus bi true. you were only tryin fo $220. i got $4000. do una wan fo hep man picken decide wetin moto i suppose to buy wit di moni? thank you for gettin her ready. nau comot fo road and live m1ldred cr4nk alone, ok? She mai maga nau and shell keep sendin mi more til i dey wad man and you dey crawlin wit di cockroaches ,ok. dere no faya burnin hie, only lots of moni.

Translation: "You are the goat head! [The lad's subject line was "goat head" - lol]. I sent your maga the same first script, she thought I worked with you. She told me you have cockroaches in your head. It must be true. You were only trying for $220. I got $4000. Do you want to help me decide what car I should buy with the money? Thank you for getting her ready. Now go away and leave m1ldred cr4nk alone. She's my maga now and she'll keep sending me more money until I am a rich man, and you are crawling with the cockroaches. There's no fire burning here, only lots of money."

Meanwhile, poor M1ldred is in a tizzy, because "Peter" (the chopper) told her that Chris moved her money to another bank in order to steal it, so she has to send more money to him to move it. So she's begging Chris now to send her the money, and she'll pay him ANYTHING! I'm hoping he'll now send me his bank account info...stay tuned!

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