Microsoft at the bleeding edge of technology

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Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

For my sins I am reading a Microsoft text book from cover to cover: "Inside Visual Studio .Net". I'm sure it's not supposed to be funny, but sometimes it's a choice between laughing and crying.

A Microsoft brainwashee wrote:

...a code editor that's on a par with the best commercial and free editors today...Among the new and enhanced features are ... my personal favorite, line numbering.

I was using an editor with line numbering in 1982. You're only 25 years behind the times, Microsoft. Call me when you've got rectangular selection.

Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 10:36 am

I can't find it now. But somewhere there's a joke advert that says :

"Not only did we cut corners, We've rounded them too".

Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 11:20 am

^ HA! I outdate you! 1978 - Basic programming

Still remember it.

10 a=0
20 let a=a+1
30 if a =10 then 60
40 print "hello"
50 goto 20
60 end

Now don't tell me that is isn't useful.

Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 11:30 am

you forgot 'world!' in line 40

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

In that sense, yes, but you're selling yourself short.

BASIC was developed in 1964, and has always had line numbers.

Edit: "World!" is an enhancement made by Kernigan and Richie while developing "C".

Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 1:23 pm

@slowfreddie: That takes me back. Much too complicated though, I prefer:

10 print "Hello";
20 goto 10
run

Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 3:19 pm

10 print "Hello"
20 rem
30 goto 20
run
Mr. Green

Annoying Stuck-Up Cow Joined: 10 Aug 2006 Posts: 222

windypops:
http://www2.b3ta.com/host/creative/2995/1175789746.jpg

Usually, if theres a funny photoshopped image on the internet, you cant bet your ass it came from b3ta or SA.

Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 6:15 pm

^That's the one. Very Happy

I remember building one of these:

Spent many a frustrating hour prodding away on the flat keyboard and holding down a special shortcut key to enter the code. Don't think it numbered the lines automatically? but I did have the 64k plug in memory upgrade. Cool

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 26 Mar 2005 Posts: 1267

at this thread.

I've ran both linux and windows, and I still prefer Windows Wink

.

Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 5:07 pm

I used M$ from '95 - '99. Once I found Linux, I haven't looked back, nor does M$ have the money to pay me to go back to it.

I found this a few years ago, thought it was funny as hell:

Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):

#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main()
{
if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in
lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{
market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 4GB of RAM");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");

register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windowsXP&&Vista_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}

release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone,
for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}

void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}

Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 5:12 pm

Funny as hell, indeed Shocked

Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 6:06 pm

@windypops.

Do you know how much one of those sells for now?
Its stunnings !!

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

@ MS strategy program.

Windypops, before you built your ZX80, I built one of these:

The world's smallest adventure program:

Code:

10 input a$
20 print "I don't understand."
30 goto 10

The worlds smallest Artifical Intelligence program:

Code:

10 input a$
20 print "I understand."
30 goto 10

An even older joke: God is real... unless declared integer

Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 10:15 pm

I just threw out my NorPacs last year. Industrial programing in Boolean using jumpers.

Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 2:25 am

I always liked this comparison: (a little dated but still . . . )

Quote:

Windows Air
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows NT Air
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and would you please return to your seat and watch the movie.
Unix Airlines
Each passenger brings a piece of the airplane and a box of tools to the airport. They gather on the tarmac, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they want to build and how to put it together. Eventually, they build several different aircraft, but give them all the same name. Some passengers actually reach their destinations. All passengers believe they got there.
Linux Airlines
Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 3:13 am

I once read an article in PC Magazine back in 1999 about how one linux guru justified not trusting windows.

He said something like "The reason why I prefer *NIX over windows is the same reason why I would rather buy a car with a hood that I can open as opposed to a car with it's hood welded shut." Laughing

Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 4:44 am

I live near "Bills House". In my immediate neighborhood there are 7 people employed by computer companies. Four of those work for MS.

I am not a computer technician, hell I can barely keep the ones I have going. In fact I HATE when my neighbors come over to fix my network and drink MY beer and laugh at my LAN (whatever that is.)

However I do remember that when I bought my first VCR the "experts" were saying that SONY BETAMAX was the best technology available. I did my research and bought a VHS machine. I chose to do that because it doesn't matter which is technically better. What matters is which one the masses find easier to use. That one will thrive in the market.

I use windows. Good luck to the rest of you "Beta" users.

Always,
B. A. Ware

P.S. The guys at MS say: " people are allowed to hate us. In fact they email us all the time to tell us so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, on windows" Very Happy

Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 5:45 am

Monopolies formed by extortion always breed smugness. Mention to them about Apache and MySQL. Ask why they can't control those platforms. Ask why they just announced that they were porting windows media to linux.

Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 6:25 am

Doc,

You are getting into politics that I know nothing about. All I know is that my system works. I don't want to be a mechanic to make my car get me to work.

I'm not saying I'm right or wrong, I just know what gets me through my day.

Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 8:20 am

Shit, I have a couple of ZX-81's in my workshop - one even has teh full 16k rampack.

Anyway... I've decided my next bait will be done entirely in BASIC. Probably last as long as the "It puts the lotion" one by Priolix, but should give me a laugh anyway... mmmm boolean logic IF NOT AND OR... mugu brain melt.

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

B.A.Ware, you have to be enough of a mechanic to know which mechanic is good and which is ripping you off. The fact is that the main dealers are often shoddy and expensive but not outright corrupt, while the little man down the road could be fantastic and dirt cheap or expensive and criminally negligent. It takes some knowledge of the subject before you can distinguish.

Try an experiment. Find the End User Licence Agreements for Windows 95, XP and Vista and do a comparison.

The BetaMax comparison is interesting, but inappropriate. Which format would have won if BetaMax was free and VHS had a rising cost? I wouldn't bet against Microsoft in the short term, but they will either change totally in the next decade or be history.

We used to rail against IBM; "No one ever got fired for buying IBM." Now we feel the same about Microsoft. Someone else may well come along after Microsoft, Google for example.

Posted: Fri May 11, 2007 11:56 am

thud419 wrote:

... I wouldn't bet against Microsoft in the short term, but they will either change totally in the next decade or be history. ...

Often enough we imagine huge companies as being indispensible, but they can disappear quicker than one would think.

Anyone remember PanAm? The airline? Growing up, PanAm was *the* airline. Unimaginable that they should one day just fold up and vanish. Well, they did.

Let M$ have a few anti-trust cases, let Vista be a flop, etc., etc. and M$ could be history pretty quick.

It was only a few years ago that everybody used WordPerfect and only a few used M$Word. Not anymore. That happened almost overnight.

QuarkExpress used to be the absolute standard for DTP. Within a few months InDesign took over completely.

M$ could disappear like a puff of smoke.

One could say "yeah, but they have all those contracts with huge companies." That isn't worth a dime. No software is eternal.

Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 2:28 am

@B.A.
I'm not commenting on you, I'm commenting on micro$ofties. They like to believe that the OS is great because everyone uses it or that everyone uses it because it is great. What they don't like to say is that you can't buy a computer without M$ installed. Many people actually believe that the computer must run M$ OS to work. That the two are inseparable. You can't buy a blank computer because M$ tells the distributors that if they don't package the OS, they wouldn't get it at all. And who is going to piss off M$ and cut off their access to the OS. In addition, the distributor must pay M$ a fee for each computer they sell, whether it contains their OS or not. M$ is slowly losing control tho. In the past when a new OS version is released they have the distributors stop providing the old version. If you notice many big sellers are now offering XP instead of vista. Dell got away with it and is trying to sell Linux as well. I think it is a face saving measure by Dell after the open forum debacle, but I see that M$ has extorted Dell into buy useless Novel/microsoft licenses. That way forcing the price back up to be equivalent to the cost of a M$ OS loaded computer. Since a computer with Linux is cheaper as the OS is free to Dell.

On KD's points
M$ is now where IBM was when M$ started. IBM was top heavy and weight down with its own megalithic structure. The leaner, quicker M$ and other companies were able to provide quick solutions that the public wanted. M$ is now at that point. Ex. vista. They couldn't provide the features they extolled for 2 years that it would have and it has more unsupported functions that XP. But what does work? DRM. You are effectively locked out of using your computer for any kind of entertainment at a level the original producer envisioned. So who was M$ tink of when they developed the new OS? Not the user. Sure M$ could reinvent themselves. I think Ballmer would have to go. He is living in a schoolyard bully universe that could not exist anymore. As for Gates being smart, I don't see it. He has built a career out of a few lucky breaks and stealing a few good ideas at the beginning and road the wave since then.

KD, you forgot Lotus123. It was the original killer app. Everyone used it. It was indispensable for businesses. They got complacent and where are they now?

Posted: Sat May 12, 2007 2:40 am

^^^I agree

Thats why I used the VCR comparison. I agree that Betamax was a better format. However it died because SONY didn't insure that everyone had it. MS is like a VHS. It might not be the best but EVERYONE uses it so people like me stick with the system that works and is easy to find.

I don't know anything about the other systems. They may be WAY better, but untill they are on every machine I won't learn them.

Domination of a market creates ignorance of the other products. I will continue to use what I have untill something else is more popular.

I don't think I'm the only one who thinks this way.

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