Let's see if I can get these mugus to compete!

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:52 pm

I recently received two mugu mails on the same day, and decided that rather than run two more baits, I would combine them into one little Nigerian safari.

The first one took me by surprise because the mugu addressed me by my real name (sent to my addy at work). I forwarded it to my alter-ego and replied from there...and he never knew the difference:

Quote:

Dear:Jed Clampett

I am/was the Attorney to Mr.Mark Clampett.{andfamily)
who
resided here for years and was a financial controller
with a multi national oil company here,in Nigeria.

Some time in October 2001, my client, his wife and
their two children were involved in a fatal auto
accident along the Lagos-Ibadan express road. All
occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost there
lives following serious injuries they sustained. Since
then I have had to make several enquiries to your
Embassy to locate any of his extended relatives who
could claim his deposit with a bank here but to no
avail.

Following these attempts,I decided to track his last
name over the Internet hoping to locate any member of
his family or someone who could fit in.This led to my
contacting you.
I have contacted you so that you can put up the claims
for these funds (because they can not be released to
me)before they are forfeited to the government or
declared unservicable by the Bank ,being the
bank where he had the deposit.

While alive,he was transacting with the above bank
where he had a total deposit of USD5.6M(five million
six hundred thousand United States Dollars).This bank
has now issued me a final notice of intent to escrow
this money if i fail to provide the next of kin to my
client within the next fourteen(14) working days OR
the deposit forfeited to the Central Bank of Nigeria
in accordance with the rule,here,that allows the bank
to call the attention of the Central Bank of Nigeria
to the presence of these unclaimed deposit(while
stating the reasons) and the Central Bank freezes any
deceased customer's deposit/account that remains
unclaimed 24 months after the reported death of the
customer.

For the fact that i have been unsuccessfull in
locating his relatives for over 2years now,i seek your
consent to present you as the next of kin to him
(since you have the same last name with him) so that
the deposit can be paid to you,then you and I can
split this money.

I have all the necessary information and legal backing
needed to facilitate the payment of this money to you
by the bank. I guarantee that this will be executed
under
legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any
breach of the law .

Please,you can get in touch with me early to enable us
discuss further OR you can give me a telephone # where
i can call you so that we can talk,which is better and
faster.

Best Regards,

Barr.Henry Claude

Dear Mr. Claude:

I received your email today with great interest. I don't know if I am in fact related to the late Mr. Clampett, but I do have an awful lot of relatives back home in Tennessee and I'm a little familiar with the oil industry, having made considerable wealth in that arena quite by accident.

Let me know if I can be of assistance, and whether I should contact my other family members in connection with your inquiry.

Much obliged,

Jed Clampett
CEO, Clampett Investments Ltd.
"Bottom line sprung a leak? Clampett!"

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:53 pm

The same day, I got this familiar scam letter:

Quote:

NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM COPERATION
--------------------------------------
(STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL)
---------------------
Through the courtesy of business opportunity, I take
liberty anchored on strong desire to solicit your
assistance on this mutually beneficial and risk-free
transaction with you, which I hope you will give
urgent attention.

I serve as Chairman of the Federal Government
Contract Review Panel under the last regime of
General Abdusalam Abubakar and was able with the
assistance of four of my panelmembers to set aside
thirty million,five hundred thousand United State
dollars (US$30.5m). which we found out to be
misappropriateed funds from groosly over-invoiced
contracts.

We are seeking your assistance to remit this amount
into your account or any other nominated account you
can provide for us. Your commission will be 20% of
the total sum while me and my colleagues will take
70% and the remaining 10% for settling local and
foreign expenses as well as taxation.

It may interest you to know that just last year my
former minister, Chief Daniel Etete collaborated
with a foreigner from Switzerland to transfer the
sum of US$60m to a foreign account only for my
minister to be disappointed at his arrival in
Switzerland as the man had disappeared with the
whole money. Although business is all about risk we
want to minimize the risk involved in this, that is
why we are soliciting for your confidentiality and
sincerity.

Could you please notify me of your acceptance to
carry out this transaction urgently by emailing me
through my email address [email protected]

I shall inform you of the modalities for a formal
application to secure the necessary approvals for
the immediate release of this funds into your
account.

Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.

Yours faithfully,

Richard Ude.

Dear Mr. Ude,

Your proposal sounds interesting, if perhaps a touch illegal. However, I am a businessman who has lost several million dollars in the stock market since 2001 and I am looking to recoup some of my wealth. Rest assured this business will remain strictly confidential. I also gained my wealth through oil, and it will be a pleasure to work with a fellow oilman. Please inform me of the necessary modalities.

Regards,

Jed Clampett
CEO, Clampett Investments Ltd.
"Bottom line sprung a leak? Clampett!"

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:55 pm

More communication:

Quote:

henry claude <[email protected]> wrote:
Hello Jed Clampett,

I am in receipt of the mail you sent to me and I want
you to know that this transaction is 100% risk free as
I am involved. I will use my wider contact in the
judiciary to short circuit the cumbersomeness of
perfecting the legal documents of claim in your name.
I have searched for the next of kin of Mr. Mark My
client without any good result, so I am very happy you
responded urgently.

I want you to know that we must work hand in hand
physically and financially to conclude perfectly, and
the most important thing is to handle this issue
confidentially for security reasons since it involves
huge amount of money I want you to give me your
private phone/ fax number for easy communication
You can contact me on this number 234-8033260766 for
more details on how we can move ahead for better
conclusion
I will be looking forward to receiving your urgent
response to this email
Take good care of your self till I get your signal
again
Regards
Barrister Henry Claude.

NB: This mail should be treated confidentially, and
any information in it should be for Jed Clampett and
family so do not read if you are not the recipient
Please find enclose my passport as my identification
for your liberal scrutiny.

Mr. Claude,

It is nice to deal with someone who has legitimate contact in the judiciary. From your passport I can tell you are legitimate, and I thank you for your confidence in me.

My company, Clampett Investments, deals in crude oil, cocoa, coffee and other commodities in Africa, and my nephew Ron Jeremy travels there from time to time for hunting trips as well as business. Before we continue, I have a question for you:

As a certified barrister, would you be able to represent me in financial matters in Africa? I need to know in which countries you are licensed to operate. I was working with a barrister in Zimbabwe, but I found out later he was corrupt and not to be trusted.

I cannot communicate via telephone at this time; please email as soon as possible and let me know if you can represent my firm in investment matters.

Regards,

Jed

Jed Clampett
CEO, Clampett Investments Ltd.
"Bottom line sprung a leak? Clampett!"

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:58 pm

Then I hear back from both of them:

Quote:

Hello Jed Clampett,

I am glad to see your mail again today and to drop you
this few lines of missive. I thank you for your swift
reply. I am happy you have dealings in Africa, and I
believe you should know little about Africa too since
you operate inside. I will be happy to help you in
your business transaction here, but this must be
settled first because it is a bone on my neck and I
have to conclude faster.

I am licensed to practice in Nigeria but I can still
help you out outside Nigeria since I have a wider
contact around Africa. I will be happy if you can give
me your contact phone/fax number to enable me discus
on this issue, I will also like us to meet face to
face since we will not operate like ghost partners.
You can contact me on this number 234-8033260766, for
more details,
Take good care of your self till I hear from you again

Regards
Henry Claude.

Quote:

Dear Jed Clampett,
Thank you very much for your mail. I appreciate your understanding and willingness of assisting me for the successful actualization of this
transaction. Meanwhile i will be waiting for your private telephone and fax nimbers,contact address to enable me to secure all relevant documents relating to the realease of this money in your name as the beneficiary of the fund from( N.N.P.C.) Nigerian National Petroleum Coperation.
As matter of urgency, i will be contacting you as soon as you send this required information that i needed from you. However, this transaction demands absolute confidentiality to ensure that we work together in other to achieve our aim towards this transaction. Besides, all i needed from you is trust and maximum coperation.
Thanks and remain bless.
I awaits your urgent response.
Regards,
Richard Ude.

I really think these guys should get to know one another...

Posted: Fri Jun 04, 2004 3:59 pm

Time to start things going:

Quote:

Dear Mr. Claude,

I am happy that you are licensed to practice in Nigeria, because I will need your assistance in an investment.

I have been contacted by a Mr. Richard Ude from the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation. He has requested my assistance in depositing $30.5 million USD in misappropriated funds, for which he and his colleagues will award me a commission of 20%. I would like to make sure this transaction is 100% legal, since I stand to make over $6 million. Of course, you will be rewarded handsomely for your assistance as my barrister, and I don't think 10% of $6 million would be too insulting.

I cannot communicate via telephone at this time, and besides, I prefer to have everything in writing. Please respond as soon as you can; Mr. Ude also has an interested party in Switzerland and I don't want to lose out on this investment.

Thank you!

Regards,

Jed Clampett

How 'bout you, Rich? Wanna work with my people?

Quote:

Dear Richard,

I am ready to send you my information, but I need to hear back from my barrister first. I recently agreed to do business with a Barrister Henry Claude in Nigeria, who contacted me about some business there. Since he is in Nigeria right now and I am here in Beverly Hills, California, I'm thinking that perhaps Barrister Claude should act as my representative so you two can work out all the modalities and I can just sit back and let the money go into my bank account. Surely you realize that a transaction of this size must be handled properly, and I think a fully-accredited barrister can make sure everything is 100% legal. I can give you his phone number in Nigeria if you like.

Regards,

Jed Clampett

Updates to come... Cool

Posted: Mon Jun 07, 2004 5:28 pm

Quote:

Hello Jed Clampett,

I am in receipt of the mail you sent to me and I want
to assure you that I will do my best in this issue,
but you have to remember that I have a pressing need
at hand which is very important to me at the moment.

I want to perfect all legal document of claim in your
name to enable the release of the fund, but I want to
be sure that you will play your part very well.
I want to make sure that I am not dealing with a ghost
partner, so please call me today on this number:
234-8033260766, if you really want to be my partner
I hope to hear from you soonest
Regards
Henry Claude.

Dear Mr. Claude,

I don't believe you are understanding me, and I am finding it difficult to work with you. For a barrister, you do not have a very good attention to detail.

I told you that I cannot communicate via telephone at this time, yet you continue to insist that I call you. Why is it so important that we converse via telephone when I told you of my preference to have things in writing?

Also, I told you that Mr. Ude with the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation has a business proposition that will pay me 20% of $30.5 MILLION U.S. DOLLARS, while you, sir, are proposing that we split $5.6 million between us. You do the math, Mr. Claude; which business proposition is more important for ME?

I will play my part very well, Mr. Claude. I have handled many business transactions over the years, and I assure you that I am no "ghost." If you will not help me in my important business transaction in Nigeria, I will have to find another barrister.

Jed Clampett

Quote:

Jed Clampett
Many thanks for your mail and all its contents are well understood. Well first of all i want to tell you that this transaction requires top most secret and confidential and as such it is not to our benefit to get another person involved mostely here in Nigeria hence the transaction may be exposed on the proccess.
May i remind you that you are dealing with an honest man like your humble self so we have to put our mind together to see that all this works out very fine and as such you have to try and forward the required information so that i will start on the paper works to enable us secure payment approvals from the ministry of finance and central bank of Nigeria. Please my brother note that as far as this transaction has brought us together we are no longer friends but brothers that is why i call you my brother and i will want you to bring out your mind as a brother to handle this transaction so that we both will be very ok for our future.
Kindly you call me on my number as soon as you have gone through this mail my direct number is 234-8056022858 please do call so we can talk to get things moving on and also never disclose this to another person mostly any one from Nigeria.
Yours brother,
Richard Ude.

Dear Richard,

Can I call you "Dick"? Dick is a common nickname for Richard here in the United States, and if you are my brother I will want to call you by a familiar name.

I'm afraid I don't understand why I cannot have my barrister in Nigeria help out with this transaction, but if you say that is the case, I suppose I will have to believe you for now. However, that is going to require an additional gesture of faith on your part. I cannot communicate via telephone at this time; besides, I prefer to have a written record of all of my business transactions so I always have something to refer to. I'm sure you understand, Dick.

I may be traveling to Nigeria shortly to attend to some business, and I can meet you at the airport in Lagos. In the meantime, I will not disclose any of this business to my barrister there, but I must say this arrangement makes me nervous because I have not seen your photograph or any proof of these funds.

Before we proceed, Dick, I want you to send me your photograph. And so I know it is you, I need you to hold up a sign with your name on it. Not Richard, but the familiar name by which I know my brother...Dick. And so I know that you love me as your brother, I want the sign to say "I LOVE MY BROTHER DICK."

If you will do this simple thing for me, then I will trust you so that I do not need to contact my barrister to complete this transaction. Also, I will know who to look for when I come to Nigeria.

Thank you, brother Dick.

Love,

Jed

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2004 1:46 am

HA! HOW ABOUT: I love my brother'S dick

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2004 2:51 pm

Dr Hugh G Rection wrote:

HA! HOW ABOUT: I love my brother'S dick

I wanted to; believe me. I just thought that might be TOO much to ask. (Of course, I'm probably overestimating his command of syntax and possessives and other such nuances of the English language.) Laughing

Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2004 4:55 pm

So I got this in from the "barrister" today:

Quote:

Hello Clampett,

I am in receipt of the mail you sent to me and I
understand your position in the new transaction you
have with Mr. Ude. I will assist you on the condition
that you take care of all the expenses here if need
be, because my purse is not bulky at the moment
First, I will investigate the transaction properly and
get back to you.

I will like you to give me contact of Mr. Ude to
enable me investigate properly about your transaction
with him. I have a friend who is one of the chairmen
of Nigerian
National Petroleum Corporation, I will investigate the
transaction and inform you the possibility of
concluding it properly. We will have to sign some
writing agreement on the sharing percentage with Mr.
Ude to prevent any change of plans or sharing after
concluding perfectly. I want you to know that there is
no way you will conclude with them without spending
from your side since it involves huge amount of money,
but we have to spend wisely, and you must inform me
before making any expenses

I want you to know that this transaction will require
a lot of documents and legal back up from my side and
I will do everything possible to use my contact as a
lawyer here to short circuit the cumbersomeness of
obtaining the legal documents to back up the
transaction

I want you to follow my directives if you want to
conclude perfectly. I will arrange for a meeting with
the parties involved if you give me there contact.
Please keep my transaction between me and you until I
conclude my investigation, do not inform them of my
involvement for now, because they may not like it if
the have any evil plans, there are so many way to find
out the truth about this issue and I want to take a
step
I will be waiting for you to give me their contact to
enable me discharge my duties properly
Take good care of your self till I get your signal
again
Regards
Barrister Henry Claude.

Wow -- so he knows one of the chairmen!! I have really stumbled upon the right barrister to represent me in Africa! I want to give him Dick's phone number, but I promised my brother Dick that I would never disclose anything, especially to someone in Nigeria.

Any advice? I don't want to betray Dick before he sends me my first-ever mugu trophy picture!

Posted: Thu Jun 10, 2004 3:28 pm

Well, obviously Dick doesn't want to cooperate...

Quote:

HI Mr Jed Clampett,
I got your mail right but could not reply immediately due to strike that we have here in nigeria because of fuel increase.
Meanwhile, i can understand that you are not serious about this business the way you nick named me by calling me dick what does that mean? i told you at the initial time to send me your telephone and fax number for me to tell you the modalities of this transaction you refued rather you are requesting for my picture can you as well send me your own picture or your driving lincence and your bank particulas for me to wire the money in to your account or do you think that iam not serious about this transaction.
Please if you are ready you send this informations to me so that we can move ahead concerning this ransaction.
Thanks.
Regards,
Richard Ude.

Sounds like it's mugu-slappin' time...

Quote:

Dear Mr. Ude,

I have heard about the strike in Nigeria, and I understand completely. However, I am shocked and dismayed at the tone you are taking with me.

For starters, you imply that I am not being serious, when it is YOU who contacted ME about doing this deal. I thought you picked me because of my standing in the business community. Did you not do your research? If you did, you know that I am VERY serious.

Also, you apparently do not know very much about the English language, or you would know that Dick is a very common nickname for Richard. Others are Rich and Rick. Have you never heard of the famous American TV host, Dick Cavett? Or the famous Smothers Brothers, Tom and Dick? We even have a series of popular children's books about the characters Dick and Jane. If you are too stupid to know about Dick and Jane, which every 4-year-old child in America reads, then I don't think you are bright enough to handle a transaction of this nature or to be employed by a major oil company.

For another thing, you say in your email that you "told" me to send you my phone and fax numbers. Let us get one thing straight, Mr. Ude: YOU do not give orders to ME. You are NOT my boss, and let me remind you that it is YOU who came to ME for assistance in this matter. And now you are asking me for MY identification? You have a very strange way of doing business, Mr. Ude.

I expect an apology from you, and I also expect your full cooperation. I told you specifically that I will not conduct business via telephone because I like to have things in writing. You want me to send you my bank information for this deal which sounds illegal when I don't even have proof that you exist? And you don't want me to work with my barrister in Nigeria? I think you are making some unreasonable demands, and you will get nothing from me until I have seen your photograph with the secret password. Until then, you can send me your fucking modalities via email. When I am comfortable with you, I will send you my identification and bank information. Until then, you can look up my public profile. It is right there on Yahoo for anyone to see because I, unlike you, have nothing to hide.

Cooperate with me, and I will not contact my barrister in Nigeria. Thus far I have not told him about you. But you are making me very suspicious, and if this continues I will have him investigate you.

Sincerely,

Jed Clampett

Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2004 1:55 pm

Quote:

Dear Jed Clampett,

Many thanks for your mail and i have noted all its contents. Actually i sounded that way because i felt you where not realy interested but all the same i appologize for everything.

My good friend it is not as if i am hiding anything but for the fact that i am still in service i will have to be very careful so that i dont get anyone involved in any problem likewise not allowing any one to put me into any problem, but from your mail i can see that you are truely willing to have this deal carried out with me in one accord.

As you have wished, i am going to send copy of my international passport to you so as to assure you of the confident in this deal but all the same for us to commence this transaction i will still need your information such as your:-

(1) BILLING ADDRESS, TELEPHONE/FAX NUMBER
(2) BANK NAME,ADDRESS,TELEPHONE/FAX/TELEX NUMBER, ACCOUNT NUMBER
BENEFICIARY'S NAME.

These information will be used to proccess all relevant legal documents that will enable the appropriate ministry grant approvals for payment in your favour. Once again note that iam not giving you orders towards this transaction but only leting you know the actuall dimension to be taken and have this deal actualize. My reason for asking you not to disclose this to your lawyer here is because this is something that involves fund and deal for that matter so if he comes to know about it he might blow the whole deal just because he is a Nigerian so please we have to do this deal all alone no third party.

My good friend i once again appologize and request that you give me your full cooporation so we can actualize this goal.

God bless you.

Yours truely,

Richard Nze.

(I thought your name was "Ude." Sheesh...Doesn't matter; to me he's just "Dick.")

Quote:

Brother Dick,

Your apology is accepted. I will forward you my banking information as soon as I have received your photograph. Please remember that the image must be large and clear so I can tell it is not a fake. And because business partners trust and hold each other as brothers, add my name to the sign you hold up in the photograph. The sign must say:

"I HOLD MY BROTHERS DICK & CLAMPETT"

Once I have received this photograph, I will release all relevant information. But please understand that I cannot divulge this information until I know without a doubt that you can be trusted. Your photograph with the secret password shall be our bond. If you don't send it, I will be forced to contact Barrister Claude. He knows someone at the NNPC and can investigate for me.

Regards,

Brother Jed

WTF does it take to get a trophy, anyway?

Posted: Wed Jun 16, 2004 1:57 pm

I need to turn the heat up on this guy. None of my baits are going anywhere, and I'm beginning to think I'm not very good at this...)

Quote:

Brother Dick,

I have been waiting for a response from you. Do you no longer wish my assistance in this matter? The barrister from Nigeria has been emailing me and wanting to know where I stand on another possible investment and he wants me to fly to Lagos. He is also asking me if I am dealing with anyone else in Nigeria. The money you are offering is potentially more, but I do not think I can handle the modalities of both transactions. What should I tell him?

Please, Brother Dick, I need to hear from you immediately!

Brother Jed Clampett

Let's see if I can get these mugus to compete!	View next topic View previous topic