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Ninastian
419Eater is my life
Joined: 19 Sep 2006
Posts: 416
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:51 am |
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Hi Everybody
I've got a lad to the point where he is offering to get a wood carving done for me. Do any of you have any suggestions for something you would like me to commission on your behalf - maybe a contribution to a team project like the Lad Card Deck, or perhaps a morale-boosting trophy for a newbie with the leg-work already done?
Please post any suggestions and be prepared to submit designs/photos as required.
There's a good chance of getting photo trophies out of this guy, including him posing with the carving and holding a sign. However, he is expecting part-payment before sending the carving to me, so the chances of getting hold of a physical item are limited without some more persuasion (and in any case I still haven't organised myself a safe mailing address ).
Our latest e-mails explain the deal. I wrote:
Quote: |
OK - I have a commission for a new wood carving that I need someone to do
for me. My terms and conditions are as follows:
1. I will pay you US$2,000 upon receiving satisfactory photographic
evidence that the work is complete and meets requirements. This will cover
the costs of shipping it the UK.
2. On receiving the carving in the UK, I will pay you a further US$18,000.
How much of this you pass on to the artist/woodcarver is up to you.
3. What happens to it after that is no concern of yours, though you may be
amused to know that I have sold it to a certain lady in Hollywood for
US$50,000, which is not a bad price for something that does not exist yet.
4. I will not pay you A SINGLE CENT in advanced payments. I have been
ripped off before by African scammers and it is not going to happen again,
ever
I will provide you with details of the carving once you have agreed to the
above terms by return e-mail. These terms are 100% non-negotiable. If you
don't want to do this work, you can kindly let me know and I will find
someone else who needs the money, leaving you free to spend more time doing
whatever it is you normally do with your life.
My offer of an exclusive agency agreement has now lapsed because you pissed
me about - though at least you were man enough to apologise. If you had
not, then I would not be offering you this commission.
Respond immediately.
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He replied:
Quote: |
Ok as you wish, i agree to your terms and i accept your offer. You just tell me how you want the wood carving to look and i will make it immediately.
waiting in anticipation.
Adams
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P |
_________________ Sea-Mugu, London-Is1e of Wight
dickboi, Lagos-Abidjan and Lagos-Accra
Several
Oh [the captive] ate his own willy!!! HAHAHAHA. I saw the look of excitement in his eyes like no other meat taste better!! yummm yummm! HAHAHAAHAHA. He cut his big right toe, his penis and penis shaft at different stages- funny funny funny!! He did this where some promiscous women do all sort of things. I know they were all thrilled. ahahahahahhhhhaaaaaa. His penis shaft was sewn to his nostril and more!! The doctor did a good job!! My men took picture of him parading him around the market square and public schools where everyone sang him wanker praises!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! I will continue to torture him unless I receive my $150,000 reward for wasting my time!! Period! |
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Hellbastard
419Eater is my life
Joined: 04 Apr 2007
Posts: 381
Location: Outside the Western Union office, with a sniper rifle.
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:00 am |
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Great work so far. If he's prepared to carve it on credit, I'm pretty sure he can be persuaded to send it. If he doesn't, it's just a piece of firewood to him after all.
For some suggestions, you could continue the line of obsolescent computer games systems that have been carved to date. Alternatively, a nice piece of erotic sculpture or how about a religious icon for the churches of NERV or TWAT? The possibilities are endless. |
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thestringer
Hello I'm New here!
Joined: 21 Mar 2006
Posts: 6
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:05 am |
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maybe a wood carved Macbook might look nice ?
an updated P-P-P-Powerbook so to speak |
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Raymond Luxury-Yacht
Master Baiter
Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 160
Location: Europe endless
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:08 am |
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Star Trek's USS Enterprise ! |
_________________ <b>Williams Hills: </b>I want to say categorically without any fear of contradiction that I do not know exactly what you are saying.
<b>Rebbeca Steve: </b>You are a failure where ever you are. Mugu like you;you dont have money you dont help peopls,after what God has done for you,still you refused to pay your tithe to God,you will remain poor.
<b>Anthony Audu: </b>I am getting frustrated and confused because very soon my family will be out on the streets |
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Luther Blissett
Elite Baiter
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 1029
Location: Watford, Middle East
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:37 am |
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mami
Master of Master Baiters
Joined: 18 Feb 2007
Posts: 657
Location: Usman Bello's Ex
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:52 am |
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Let the lad make this:
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_________________ There's no such thing as a female with good looks who cooks and cleans. |
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marty
Not quite a Newb
Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 63
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:56 am |
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Babs2007
Not quite a Newb
Joined: 21 Mar 2007
Posts: 79
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 2:40 pm |
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Personally, I'd like a carving of a parrot, but it doesn't have anything to do with scambaiting... |
_________________ -How are you today? I hope you bouncing in the Lord? -Reverend Joe M4yer
-All the stress, embarrassments you have cause our account officer at the bank for trying to pick up the fund. The reference number is incorrect and he was almost detain by the bank security men for bring false reference number
- B0B P3ter |
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Luther Blissett
Elite Baiter
Joined: 06 Sep 2005
Posts: 1029
Location: Watford, Middle East
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 2:44 pm |
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icrighthruU
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 08 Apr 2007
Posts: 358
Location: Over the river and through the woods
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 3:11 pm |
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How big can it be? Could you get away with telling him you want a life size carving of a ZuLu Warrior? |
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KeyserSoze
Elite Baiter
Joined: 06 Dec 2005
Posts: 1138
Location: Debo's pigeon coop
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 3:14 pm |
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_________________ "I was the head of the dradded occult menber in my university days.I have drank so many peoples blood physically if you dont know. so you people are too small for me ok?" - The soulless dunce cap lad
"WE HAVE REALLY SUFFERED GREATLY ON THIS 23 HOURS TRIP FROM IBADAN TO YOLA AND FINALLY TO MADUGURI. IT WAS A SERIOUS TERIBLE JOURNEY." - Kenny the healer - aprox 2500 miles
"I have worn your soul and I will Auction it to the land of the dead before 2 weeks. I laugh at your stupidity. I shall drink my early morning tea with your skull in the land of the dead by two weeks from now" - Cassidy the photographer -
x10 |
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Slightlyoutofit
Baiting Guru
Joined: 13 Feb 2007
Posts: 14310
Location: Foraging for Nuts.
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 3:36 pm |
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If he's not going to send it to you, it's got to be something unique so as to prove that he hasn't just borrowed it from somewhere, or sloped into a shop and taken a photo.
Mami's idea is great. I doubt if they have Spongebob in Africa. |
_________________
God will see you true for all this you have done to me you bastard. - Collins Kalu
MAY THE HAND THAT TYPE ON KEYBORD BECOME STRICKEN AND TRANSMIT VIRUS TO YOU ENTIRE BODY. - Dr Linda Akeem
oh what a mess its time cabbage punks like u will be expose for trully what they are. - David Cole |
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llamedos
Been There, Done That
Joined: 04 Jun 2004
Posts: 2695
Location: ^^^ Wherever the other side has gone to
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 3:48 pm |
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<---- M�bius strip ? |
_________________ x13 x 15
Accra - Lome (16/7/05 midnight - 5am) Accra - Lome - Benin Jul '11
Barrister Addo Williams: I want you to know that I am not impressed with your performance towards this project.
Mattins Wilson: ...and they stated morken me and tarfing at me as if am a full, so please it is enough OK. /AND/ I promise you for all this furffring that you are furffring to me <--- No, I haven't a clue either
Peter Ovdo: I want you to have trust in me that all is ok as stated in my last mail to you which i wrote in big letters
Ethel Gnassingbe: FOUK YOU AND GO TO HELL
"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up" |
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The_King_79
Hello I'm New here!
Joined: 19 Apr 2007
Posts: 6
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 6:05 pm |
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Id make him carve some shrimp, or small piece of fish...
You know...
BAIT!
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maynard_g_krebbs
Master Baiter
Joined: 04 Apr 2007
Posts: 140
Location: somewhere over a rainbow
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:02 pm |
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I've always wanted a carving of a liger.
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zombie
Not quite a Newb
Joined: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 58
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow.
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:59 pm |
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Tell him you want a 100:1 scale replica of the Jolly Roger Pirate ship.
And you won't accept a 101:1 or 99:1 scale! |
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Don
Baiting Guru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Posts: 3045
Location: Italy, 87.2.222.132
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 9:08 pm |
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Saint Arnold
Elite Baiter
Joined: 26 Sep 2006
Posts: 1261
Location: By the kegerator
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:39 pm |
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_________________ The baiter formerly known as Krona
Our legal team are on standby for the next line of action in this very interesting case.already they are still studying the MTCN number that you sent,it will be used as evidence together with your full names and address,when this epic battle commences. - the one and only Charles Soludo
--------------------------
x15 (RIP) x7 x1
Lottery lad, Benin City - Abuja A new minister, Lagos-Benin City The same minister, Lagos - Tamale, Ghana
Dr. Johnson - Abidjan-Abuja and back again (so far! - 1666 miles round trip)
<----because life can seem bleary and bleak without one. TS
Because Lotta is a great and beautiful mod!
x21 |
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Franc28
*** BANNED ***
Joined: 19 Jul 2004
Posts: 140
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:31 pm |
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How about Frylock?
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_________________ www.insolitology.com
Fighting the forces of censorship and getting his sig deleted by admins since 1989. |
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it wasn't me
Elite Baiter
Joined: 18 Feb 2007
Posts: 1043
Location: sitting in the corner drinking wine, eating cheese
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Posted:
Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:36 pm |
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A 60ft Totem pole. |
_________________ Do not be sceptical be pessimistic - Lotto scam.
I just don't know how to express the gravy of my happiness. - Barrister M Abd0lla
you nose i have been away in the middly east. -Ali Al1
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JoeTam
** REMEMBERED **
Joined: 16 Nov 2005
Posts: 2153
Location: Pulling foil arrows out of my head.
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Posted:
Fri Apr 20, 2007 3:04 am |
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A member of human male anatomy, including the"scrotums", fully loaded. Might be a badge of honor among his pals! Tell him to make it life size, 2". Or 2' feet as his ego sees it. He could model it for us too! With his friends! It will be a tribute to his "man"liness! |
_________________
Your moms pu$$! smokes ciggarettes, she whistles in the stadium with your Papa's D!@K.
Nwokeke.
I went to bank. they call police, why you do this to me? I canntsend you anything now.
Goat dog |
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Ninastian
419Eater is my life
Joined: 19 Sep 2006
Posts: 416
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Posted:
Fri Apr 20, 2007 11:11 am |
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Hello again
Many thanks for all the suggestions. There were so many good ideas that I have tried to find a way to include several of them. What I am proposing is a version of the Jolly Roger, which will be "crewed" by a range of characters such as SpongeBob and maybe an avatar or two.
This is how I have explained it to my lad:
Quote: |
OK Chief - here is the first part of the design for the carving I want you to produce for me.
My client is a drug-addled Hollywood actress that even you will probably have heard of, but I will never reveal her name so don't even bother asking me.
Her latest delusion is that she is descended from "Native Americans", as opposed to Lithuanians who were exiled three generations ago for tampering with weighing scales, but who am I to argue. A few months ago she watched something on Discovery Channel about how, hundreds of years ago, these noble savages would float around on tranquil lakes for hours on end in hollowed-out logs, listening to the voice of the wind and watching the leaves dance to the music of Mother Earth. Apparently these boats also doubled up as "dream catchers", and the natives would fill them with carvings which represented their hopes, fears, likes and dislikes. No wonder they lost.
So, given that she is both stupid and rich (which is how I like them), my dear client has decided that she must own one of these boats. I managed to convince her that a full-size version would be a monumental waste of trees, time and space, so she has agreed on a scaled-down version. She wants to use it as a "psycho-ethnic focal point" at her showbiz drug parties by floating it in her swimming pool - so not only does it have to look good, it needs to float properly and not fall apart the first time that a crack-crazed overweight teen-flick producer decides to jump on it.
As you can imagine, a boat made from a log will tend to roll over, but I did some research (chargeable - hee hee!!) and discovered that those clever natives designed a stabilisation device which kept things at an even keel. You will see how this works from the attached drawings. Looking at the design, it's probably just as well that Anna Nicole-Smith won't be going to any more Hollywood parties - but just to be on the safe side you will need to conduct some stability and strength tests on the boat before shipping it.
My client wants the boat to be called "The Jolly Roger". Apparently this is the name of the first film she ever appeared in, back in the days when she was a struggling teenage actress who still believed what the producers told her.
You have agreed to the contract as per my earlier e-mail, and I remind you that it is 100% non-negotiable. Note that this commission includes both the boat itself and some smaller carved figures which will need to go inside it (in the hollowed-out area - the plans make this clear). You will need to complete these as well. These figures will represent my client's deluded hopes, fears etc etc. She is still deciding exactly what they will be (with the help of her Counsellor and Life Coach, no doubt) and I will let you know the details as soon as I can. Meanwhile you can start work on the boat.
We probably have a couple of weeks to complete this, so don't sit around scratching your arse. But whatever you do, make it good or I will never work with you again. And believe me, Chief, there's loads more where this came from - this dumb bint should be good for another few hundred thousand dollars.
BTW I know you guys are sometimes a bit concerned about payment modalities but as far as I am concerned you can have it any way you like - cash, offshore bank account, shells, whatever. But remember - if you let me down, you won't get a single cent.
Yours etc
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And here is the design for the good ship Jolly Roger:
It should drive them mad, trying to get those stabilisers to stay on.
As ever, the lad's greed-to-idleness ratio may not be high enough for us to pull this one off (fnurr fnurr!), but you never know until you try.
And it's still not too late for you to suggest carvings to go inside the boat, now you know what it will look like.
P |
_________________ Sea-Mugu, London-Is1e of Wight
dickboi, Lagos-Abidjan and Lagos-Accra
Several
Oh [the captive] ate his own willy!!! HAHAHAHA. I saw the look of excitement in his eyes like no other meat taste better!! yummm yummm! HAHAHAAHAHA. He cut his big right toe, his penis and penis shaft at different stages- funny funny funny!! He did this where some promiscous women do all sort of things. I know they were all thrilled. ahahahahahhhhhaaaaaa. His penis shaft was sewn to his nostril and more!! The doctor did a good job!! My men took picture of him parading him around the market square and public schools where everyone sang him wanker praises!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! I will continue to torture him unless I receive my $150,000 reward for wasting my time!! Period! |
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maynard_g_krebbs
Master Baiter
Joined: 04 Apr 2007
Posts: 140
Location: somewhere over a rainbow
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Posted:
Fri Apr 20, 2007 4:12 pm |
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That is hilarous. Great one! I hope he comes through with it. |
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ryder
Not quite a Newb
Joined: 20 Apr 2007
Posts: 35
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Posted:
Mon May 21, 2007 1:47 pm |
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Hi all,
After laughing my man b00bs off at the carving stories, it's occured to me that maybe we can raise some money to help fund this website by selling the carvings on ebay?
I'd be willing to do all the leg work, listings, packing etc.
Anybody got a lad who's waiting for his carving instructions? I've got the perfect piece waiting to be carved and sold.
Rik |
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BonneSource
Wannabe Baiter
Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 94
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Posted:
Mon May 21, 2007 2:45 pm |
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Don't know if this is too late, but how about some sails? |
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