Collins and the Knobgobblers.

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Posted: Fri Mar 30, 2007 11:28 am

I'm still dealing with this lad, but as it stands, I think this is OK to publish.
Thanks go to VPManchester (top secretary) and Marvinator (PS genius). Without their help this would never have got past first base.

Please be warned. There is some strong language towards the end of this bait.

We start off with a standard scam letter from a lad in Ghana. It's copy and paste run of the mill.

Quote:

HELLO
My name is COLLINS KALU from Liberia i am the only chird to late Dr.
KALU EGWU, My father deposited a box containing $28.4 million U.S
dollars deposited it in SECURITY COMPANY IN GHANA WEST AFRICA,

when i approached my late father barrister with the documents he told me
that i must present the foreign partner to my late father before the
security and finance company can release the deposit funds to him or her
, this is because as a civil servant my father were forbided to have
such money so he made an agreement that withour his foreign partner the
box should not be released.

I am willing to offer you 20% of the total amount and i am also setting
aside 5% for any expenses that will be made,You will not only help me
receive the funds but also help me to invest the funds, i am waiting
for your mail so i can send your name to the barrister as the partner
to my late father. Please get back to me as soon as possible.
God bless
COLLINS KALU .

OK Mr Scammer. Let's see if you want to play.

Quote:

Hi,

I can't help you at the moment but perhaps you could help me.

My company is promoting a new line of personalised house name plates for
Africa and South Africa. I need your help with a couple of simple photos
and will pay you $200 per photo and I can pay by any method you would like.

Get back to me if you're interested and I'll provide you more details and
we can begin the work.

Ron Jeremy

Will that lad bite? I think he will.

Quote:

Hello Sir. Roy,
I want to tell you that I have seen your mail and I am ready to get you
photos as you have told me, So I want you to get back to me with the
kind of photos you need from me okay, My phone number is
+233 246 264 570

I'll ignore that phone number. I don't spend money on you my friend. But you're gonna be out of pocket for a few bob when I've finished with you.

Quote:

Hi Collins.

Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.

This project is really simple. I've attached some prototype templates to
this email. From these, we'll be able to tell if you have the photographic
skill to be able to fulfill our requirements. All you have to do is print
the templates out in large format, place them on a wall or window of a
house (or if you're in an internet cafe, that will do), and take a
photograph with a few people around it.
It would be nice if they could be smiling or giving a thumbs
up. Due to the nature of our promotion, the people must be African and the
buildings must look a little African - otherwise we may as well do this in
Europe!!!

You don't need to telephone me as we can do all this over the internet.
Any questions, just email me back. But if you do feel that you need to
contact me, give me a ring on 447014219419 before 5pm GMT and my secretary
will get hold of me somehow.

Also, send me details of how you would like paying for this project as
soon as possible as I need to get payment arranged through our Finance
Department immediately. I would point out at this stage that my company
will not forward any payment until at least 3 photographs have been
received. I am sorry that I have to specify this, but unfortunately we
have been inundated by time-wasters who just want to take the money
up-front and give nothing in return.

Please also be aware that you are not the only person that we are negotiating
with regarding this project. The imperative is to provide good quality
photographs as soon as possible, otherwise there is a good chance that my
company will choose another client rather than yourself, in which case
your photographs will not be needed and you will not be paid. Therefore,
time is of the essence.

Sincerely,

Ron Jeremy.

And here are the templates I attached.

But hang on. We're dealing with a bit of a thickshit here.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I have seen your mail bout I don�t get you very well Please can you get back to me and tell me what is the first step that I will take over here in Accra Ghana, Please you can call me and tell me more I love to work with you and I promise you that I will not let you than, Okay, Or did you just want me to get some good photos like the ones you send to me by attachment so that I can start to go get them now because I know that he will cost me some money bout I will do it if you promise so pay me as you seed, Get back to me so that I can start to get them, Like African culture pictures okay,
Collins
+233 246 264 570

Dumbass. I thought my instructions were easy to follow. I'll explain it again shall I?

Quote:

Hi Collins

Use the attachments that I sent you. Just print them out large and stick
them on a wall, door or window on the outside of a building. You must make
sure that anyone viewing the photo will recognise it as an African
building and there must be at least one person in the photograph. Thumbs
up and smiling would be helpful!!
Any more questions feel free to email me or phone at the number I gave
earlier.
I also need to know which method of payment you would prefer as I have to
contact our Finance Dept with the details as soon as possible. Please
forward this information as soon as you receive this email.

Ron Jeremy.

Great!!! It looks like the penny has dropped.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I want to tell you that I will do as you seed, I will print them out and
take it to the town and place them on the wool out side, I hope I am
rite, And as for my payment you will send it true western union to me
over here in Accra Ghana Africa so that I will pick it up over here,
Collins.

Right. Let's keep the lad attentive. The mention of a payday always eggs them on.

Quote:

Hi Collins.

Please send me details for the Western Union payment. We will pay as soon
as we receive the first batch of photographs.

Ron Jeremy.

Looks like we might have a result!!

Quote:

Hello Sir,
Please I want to tell you that this are the picture I have tried and come up with I spent some money to get this done So please you can send my money true western union To Ghana Accra West Africa with this name NOAH UMULOR so that I get the money because I will use some of the money to get some Good picture too,
So get back to me,
Collins,
+233 246 264 570.

Yes you want money, but what the fuck have you sent me you tard?

Just wtf is that? What do those pictures have to do with the task that I set you? I need to have a word.

Quote:

Hi Collins.

Is this some sort of joke? The photos do not show our product at all.
Where are the nameplates? Where are the buildings? Where are the people?
We are not paying for a few photos ripped from the internet.

Please check that you have sent the right photographs. Please check that
you understand the project by reading through my emails. Any more
problems, contact my secretary again. This time - DO NOT HANG UP ON HER.

As I stated earlier, we do have other people working on this project. If
you cannot deliver at least 3 photographs within the next 24 hours, the
deal is off and you will NOT get paid.

Ron Jeremy.

Dumb lad. Time for him to ring my secretary.

http://media.putfile.com/Collins4MrRoy

How rude. He hung up.
Looks like a bit of lad panic. Maybe he thinks he's gonna lose his money?

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I did not no that I will have to attach the picture you sent to me to the one that I will have over here, And I will go to and do it again, Second I did not get it from the internet okay I did it out side please,
Collins

Quote:

Please Sir,
I don�t know how you want me to do it because I have some good Ghana
culture picture bout how will I put the sample on it, Please can you
give me one sample of the picture how you want me to do it please, You
told me that so many ones have did it for you so please sir give me the
sample so that I will not make mistake again,
Collins.

Some lads are just naturally dumb. Let me explain it to him again.

Quote:

Hi Collins.

I have attached a photo that was recently sent to me by one of our Asian
clients. It's not perfect as it does not show that the house is Indian,
but it will give you an idea of what we are looking for. We are not
looking for "Ghana Culture Pictures". I'll repeat what I need you to do:

1) Print out one of the attachments that I sent to you in large format.
2) Stick it to the wall, door or window of a house or internet cafe.
3) Get some people to stand by it, smiling and giving the "thumbs up".
4) Take a photo.
5) Email the photo to me.
6) Do this with all 3 attachments.

I hope that clears things up.

Ron Jeremy.

Got it now mugu?

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I have taking the picture with some four boys that I paid to take with
me. So the photographer told me that the picture will be ready by money,
So please can you wait till then Get back to me,
Collins.

A few days pass. Time to give the lazy lad a nudge.

Quote:

Hi Collins,

Any news regarding these photographs? My Finance department has approved
the funds and is now awaiting the go-ahead for payment.

Ron Jeremy.

Looks like we could be about to hit lad gold.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I have taking the picture and the photographer man just came with them now so I just want to come and tell you that I am going to the town and scan in to my email box so that I can come and send them to you okay, Please just give me 2hrs I will be back,
Collins.

And here we go.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
This is what i did so please sir i hope this will be okay for now, As soon as i get some of my money will will use it to get good photo and make it big okay, I have spent the money i have in hand to do this i hope you will help me send the money with the name i gave to you (NOAH UMULOR) to Ghana West Arica Accra and get back to me with the western union information,
+233 246 264 570,
Collins.

I've definitely seen better.

They really are crappy. I have to let him know that at my company, we have very high standards.

Quote:

Hi Collins.

I've shown your photographs to my boss but he says that they are of too
poor quality for me to be able to pay you for them. The name-plates are
far too small and neither the picture nor the writing on them is big
enough. They need to be scanned and blown up to a much larger size as I
have already told you.
Also, the photographer has over-exposed his film. In two of the
photographs, the name-plates are not visible. To tell the truth, I would
demand your money back and sack the photographer - he is clearly an
amateur. The name-plates should also have been placed on a darker wall. A
white wall is probably the worst example that your man could have used.
The only plus is that your friends are holding the pose that is required.

I hope you understand that I cannot pay for these photographs because of
this. My company MUST know that you are capable of fulfilling this project
before we part with any money.

I therefore ask that you take the photographs again - this time using a
better photographer and using bigger prints of the name-plates. The
picture AND the writing on the name-plates MUST be clearly visible.

As I've already told you, time is of the essence. You need to get this
done as quickly as possible before we accept the work of a different
client. I will hold the Western Union payment for you until we hear from
you again.

Ron Jeremy.

I know he ain't gonna be happy about that.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I want to tell you that my spirit is not happy because the little money I have to use to feed is what I use to take all this photo and I pay all the one that take the photo with me, Don�t you have fillings for me, I am just poor African boy I don�t have money to do as you seen, You have seen my forts work if you can help me send my money for the work I did for you then I can use from the money and do a batter work for you over here in Accra Ghana, Please fell for me I don�t have parent to take care of me I take care of my self so please sir I rely love to work with you and I promise that I will not fail you, help me,
Collins.

So he wants money does he? All he's gonna get is a little coaxing.

Quote:

Hi Collins,

I am afraid that your only option is to take the photographs again. The
pictures that you sent to me are not good enough and do not prove that you
can carry out this task. As I've already written, we MUST be able to see
the picture on the name-plate and we MUST be able to read the writing on
the name-plate.

You have to remember that your photographs will be used to sell our
name-plates in Africa. No-one looking at the pictures that you have sent
will buy our product because they can't see it!!! My company will not pay
for a photograph that does not clearly show our product. Remember that we
are also going to need another 15 photographs. If you can't even deliver
the first 3 properly how are we expected to place our trust and spend up
to $7.5k on you? Would you buy a goat if it had rabies? Of course you
wouldn't. You would want a healthy animal.

As I've already suggested, you should demand your money back from the
photographer or ask him to take the photos again according to our
requirements. Show him this email or get him to phone or write to me if he
requires clarification.

I'm relying on you Collins. I've told my boss that you can carry out this
project to a high standard. Prove me right.

Ron Jeremy.

Whats this!!! He's still expecting money?

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I am still waiting for you to get back to me, Please help me so that i can work with you please,
Collins

Hmm. Let me have a think. Nope.

Quote:

Hi Collins,

I've had a talk to my boss but he says that there is no way that I am
allowed to forward any money until we have received 3 satisfactory
photographs. There's nothing I can do otherwise.

It's up to you. Let me know what you decide.

Ron Jeremy.

This is one greedy lad. I've told him no but...

Quote:

My decide is to work with you bout I don�t have any money in hand to do all this please sir, You know your self that I am very ready to work with you, So please sir if you can send any money if is $20 or $30 dollars so that I can just use the money to take care of all this after your boss pay me you can have 50 dollars from it and send me by balance money please sir, Just try and help me please, YOU can send your money let me just do this work please,
Collins.

He wants me to pay? He's having a laugh.

Quote:

Hi Collins

Why would I send my money? I work for this company, I don't own it.

I've tried to help you - I've told my boss four times that you want money
up-front, but he is absolutely adamant that we will not pay a penny until
we get the first three photographs and are certain that you can fulfill
this project.
Sorry, but that's the way it is.

Now please, stop sending me begging letters. As you know, on completion of
this project you will be paid a lot of money, asking for a couple of
dollars now does nothing to add to your credibility. I've told you - Get
the money back from the photographer. He did an absolutely terrible job
and he owes you the money that you paid him.

It's up to you wether you want to carry on with this project or not. If
you can deliver the photos then OK, but if you aren't able to, let me know
and I will find somebody who is capable of doing so.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Ron Jeremy.

I reckon things are gonna start heating up pretty soon.

Jesus. He's still whining.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I will see how I can run around and get some money to do this work
because I am just a poor African boy, Bout I will try and see what I can
do, And second o am now working for your company so I have called you
people before please if this is not a kids play your people shod call me
for ones so that I can trust you, So that I will not go and spend
another money and you will tell me another story, If you did not call
please I will not do anything
+233 246 264 570,
Collins.

Hang on. Did he just threaten me there? And another begging phone call?

http://media.putfile.com/Collins4Roy

Quote:

Collins.

You are starting to annoy me. Why the hell should I call you? What part of
the project do you not understand? You are not "working for my company".
You are meant to be furthering this project - something which you clearly
have NOT done.
I also don't like being threatened or told that I'm involved in "child's
play". You'd do well to remember that I could easily go and find somebody
else for this task and then you would get NOTHING.

Take the job or leave it. I could care less.
And don't bother me again unless you have the photographs.

Ron Jeremy.

Did he hear that?
Oh yes he did.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I have herd you sir,
Collins.

He's a man with a plan.
In the meantime he phones my secretary again.

http://media.putfile.com/very-rude-collins

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I want to tell you that I am trying to go and get some photo again, Bout please can I do it like this, Can I take the campo that you sent to me to a act so that there can drool what is in the three campo that you sent to me in a big carbon paper so that I will use it and take a picture, Will that be okay I just want to ask yes on no because I want to go and use my money to do that so I have to ask very well so that I will not spend money again and I did not get it , So get back to me,
Collins.

It sounds like a good idea to me - especially if it costs him money. Carry on soldier.

Quote:

Hi Collins.

Yes, you may copy the template as long as it does not vary from the design
that you have been given. Any variation other than size will mean that
your pictures will be rejected again. Remember, they are OUR designs and
therefore we do not want an artist to use his own imagination and change
them beyond our specifications. You may change the background colour that
they are placed upon and the size (which is a necessity anyway) but that
is all. Please make sure that the wording is correctly spelt.

Also, please go easy on my secretary if you telephone again. She wasn't
very happy and says that you shouted at her. She is only doing her job -
if you have any problems email me and we will discuss them, do NOT take
them out on her.

As agreed, as soon as we get the photographs we will transfer the first
amount of payment to you.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Ron Jeremy.

Oh god. We're back to being dumb again.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I don�t get you very well because I was about to go out to do it when I have this email I ask again, I can give it to an act man to drool it and the spelling will be same bout the design of the man and the lion herd will not be there will that be okay,
Collins.

I can't waste time on a dummy like you, boy. I'm a busy man.

Quote:

Hi Collins.

Do your best to get the new plates looking the same as the ones that I
gave you.

Ron Jeremy.

At least he's finally getting his backside into gear after all that whining about money.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I have taking the campo to the act man so he is working on it, By droning
it on a big carbon paper so he told me that he will get it don so before
Monday I will send it to you okay,
Collins.

At this rate I'm gonna die of old age before the artist is finished.

Quote:

Hi Collins.

Good news.
I look forward to seeing the results.

Ron Jeremy

Why does he keep burbling on? Just get on with it lad.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I will get back to you, I pray no problem will come up this time because I have spent so much money in this, I pray for God to help me,
Collins.

Do I really need his life story? No. I need photos. Bingo!!!

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I want to tell you that i have tried and get this ones done i spent 76 dollars to get this done, Please i want you to try and send me the money for the one true western union with this name (NOAH UMULOR) to accra ghana west africa, so that i can use some money from there and get the rest done okay,
Please i wait for you to try and send it today, PBecause i know i have did the best as you told me every things is clare,
Collins,
+233 246 264 570.

I let him stew for a while and he starts begging again.

Quote:

Hello Sir,
What is going on i have sent you the picture you ask bout you dont want to answer me, Please try and send me my money to that i can use it for the laon i get from a friend please, I am waiting for you to send it with the name (NOAH UMULOR) to accra ghana, So that i can use money from there and get the rest done okay,
Collins.

Quote:

Hello Mr Ron,
I have did what you ask me to do why is that you dont want to send my money to me, Please i am still waiting for you to send my money because i have spent money to do this and i have to pay back,
Collins.

Now he's phone whining again.

http://media.putfile.com/collinspayment

OK, time to answer him and hit him with a form.

Quote:

Collins,

Please don't whine. I was expecting your photographs to arrive on Monday
as you stated and not Tuesday. For the last couple of days I have been out
of the office. And your last few emails have gone straight into my Spam
Box as you can see from your letter below. Why have you changed email
addresses?

Anyway, I have to tell you that yet again, your photographs are not up to
standard. The picture on the template is way too unclear. That said, I
literally begged my boss for your payment and we will send you the WU
transfer as soon as you have completed our Authorisation Form. I hope you
appreciate how much I have gone out on a limb for you here. Getting my
boss to agree to pay was a very hard job indeed. My boss is a hard-hearted
prick and I don't like him at the best of times, so begging him left a
nasty taste in my mouth.

I have the sneaky feeling that he's also going to make me come out to
Africa to oversee the rest of the photographs myself as he is not happy
with any of the results that have come through from any of our
photographers. You won't believe how unhappy the thought of that makes me.

Anyway, get the form filled out IMMEDIATELY. Not tomorrow or the day
after, otherwise you will not be paid until at least Monday of next week.

Ron Jeremy.

Gotta admit. By now I'm expecting this sort of reply. This lad is one whiny biatch.

Quote:

Hello Mr. Ron,
You did not tell me that all this will come up, Did you know that do take this form out and do all what you told me will cost me money again, Why is that you people don�t have pity on me, I am felid up in all this, how I wish I did not spend my money in the fest place, Please let me ask you this please what did u want me to do with the form shod I print it out in black and white and fill it and scan it back or what,
Collins.

Time to start slapping hard.

Quote:

Collins.
Scan it out whichever the fuck way you want. Just get the damn thing
filled out and sent back. Do you think that I can just send money abroad
without filling in the correct forms? This is a business. Not some
half-assed back street abortion.

And as for taking pity on you? You cheeky bugger. I've bent over fucking
backwards to accomodate you. I've already told you that I've had to grovel
to my boss to get your payment for photographs, which to be quite frank,
are a load of shite.

Now stop fucking whining and send the bastard forms back. I've just about
had enough of all this bullshit. I've had enough of this fucking job,
enough of this god-damned project and I've had enough of all the
shitfuckery that goes with it.

Ron Jeremy.

Oh Jesus. Will the pain never stop?

Quote:

Hello Mr. Ron,
I want to tell you that I have seen your last email, And I want you to go and tell you boss that I don�t have any money to spend to print any things out and fill and scan it back, If he don�t want to give me my money God in heaven will see your true for all the money poor boy like me have spent and you are still giving me work, Well tell you boss to eat all the money he will dear and leave every thing in this world, I am done with you I will not spend any money again because your boss don�t have filling for someone,
Am done,
Bye.

How dare he speak to me like that. Who does he think he is?

Quote:

Collins.

Hear that sound? That's the noise made when I don't give a shit. I've been
to my boss. I've begged him to pay you. He's fucking agreed. All you have
to do is fill the bastard form out. If you don't want to do that then fine
- fuck you.
I've got your WU transfer ready and I'll just throw the bastard in the trash.

Really, why the fuck would I care? You can't take photos, you moan, you
whine. Why the fuck would I worry about you not wanting to carry this
project on? I've got hundreds of guys who haven't had half the problems
that you have.

You have 24 hours. After that I don't EVER want to hear from you again.

Ron Jeremy.

Good lad. I knew you'd see sense.

Quote:

Hello Mr Ron,
If that is what your boss want i will try and see what i can do tomorrow to get it done, Please tell him that i need my money because i have spent in this projet,
Collins.

NOOOOOO!!!!! He can't even fill in a simple form without detailed instructions.

Quote:

Hello sir,
Please I wont to ask you if I will sign in the down place because I sore a place that there seed sign signation so I don�t know if I will have to sign it or I will leave it like that, Please tell me now because I am filling the form now,
Collins.

Short and sweet 'cos you're annoying me.

Quote:

Collins.

Please sign the form.

Ron Jeremy.

But we're not finished there are we?

It's a goddamned form. How hard can it be?

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I am all most true so i will sign it and will i add the amount of the money in the top one,

Reference no; L4AD19 Location Ghana
Subjet; COLLINS Template Ladnest
Handler; RON JEREMY Amount ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Please will i put any amount there, And what amount will i put please tell me i am all most true with it,
Collins.

OK. Listen very carefully....

Quote:

Collins.

Leave that part blank. I fill that in for all of my photographers.

Ron Jeremy.

Houston. The lad form has landed. Terrible bloody handwriting but I especially like his answers to 12 and 14.

And just to make sure, he phones again.

http://media.putfile.com/collinsthursday

Time to send him to a fake automated site that will send him to a local bank for a payment that doesn't exist.

Quote:

Collins.

Telephone 0870 068 2207 and enter 1023689743 Accra and this will tell you
in which bank you can pick up your $500.

I don't mind telling you, you've been a pain in the ass to work with.

Ron Jeremy.

Here we go again.

Quote:

Hello Sir Ron,
Why are you people doing me like that, You told me that you will go to western union to send the money for me, Why did you have to put number here that I don�t know, Why all this,
Please I don�t get this kind of phone number you people put here for me to called, If you don�t want to send my money true western union just let it go okay, God is in Evian seeing us, You people have cost me a lot of pain,
I will not call any body because now I know that this is a game of work, thanks for letting me spend my money for this,
Bye.

God is in Evian? He's a mineral water deity? Prat. You must be slapped again.

Quote:

Collins.

Are you a fucking moron or what? That telephone number is Western Union
Secure. You simply phone them, tap in the code I gave you and they tell
you which bank in Accra the transfer has gone to so you can pick it up.
You don't even speak to anyone for Christ's sake - it's all automated.

I have never known such a bone idle, stupid person in all my life. You
can't even lift a fucking telephone?

Like I said earlier though, what the fuck do I care? You've been paid so
leave me alone. If you're too fucking lazy and dumb to pick your money up,
just leave it there and I'll get a refund later.

And now thanks to you, it looks like my twat of a boss is going to make me
come out to Africa to get this project completed. I sure as shit hope I
don't run into you out there. I don't think I could stand the whining.

Ron Jeremy.

Just phone the goddam number so I can move onto the next phase of baiting your dumb butt.

Quote:

Hello Mr Man,
Let me tell you sometime you don�t know ok, If you send money to the name I gave to you true western union there will give you the information and I can use it and go to any western union office and pick the money up okay, Don�t think am a full you are very stupid to full me for all this time go off, God will see you true for all this you have done to me you bastard.

Hmmm. Looks like our lad is starting to slip the hook. Still time for one more slap.

Quote:

Collins.

You dumb fuck. It's Western Union SECURE. Not plain old Western Union. Do
you think that we send unsecured transfers over to a country where there
are all sorts of conmen? Let me repeat that - IT'S FUCKING SECURE. The
last thing I wanted was more of your tedious whining because you never
received the payment because somebody has stolen it. And don't tell me how
Western Union works you dipshit. I've sent more money by it than you will
ever see in your entire miserable little existence.

As for calling me a bastard. You better shut the fuck up or I will cancel
the fucking transfer you gobby little shit. Do I think you're stupid? Fuck
yeah.
You can't take photos, you can't fill out forms, you can't make phone
calls and now to cap it all, you can't even pick up the payment. God must
have been out taking a shit and jerking off when you were created.

Have a nice day fuckhead.

Ron Jeremy.

Well, poor old Collins looks like he's finally cottoned onto the fact that he's been baited.

Quote:

Hello Mr Man Or what ever you call your self, Let me tell you that you are very stupid to full me all this time okay, You big lae you things iam stupid like you, You did not send any fucking money you full, And i will tell you that i dont have any things to do with you again, Because you have cost me pan and i am don with you and your so called boss,

I'm stupid? I'll have to put him straight again.

Quote:

Collins.

I sent the money. You said that you weren't going to pick it up. I
cancelled the transaction.

Whose fault is that? It's not mine.

Now, if you want paying, you owe me an apology. I will not hand any money to somebody who is as rude, as childish, as lazy and as pig-ignorant as you have been in your last 5 emails.

Ron Jeremy.

Hmmm. Don't think I'm going to get away with this one. The penny is definitely starting to drop.

Quote:

Hello Mr Man,
Let me tell you that you are verry stupid okay, Go fuck your mother, If you are real you have not called me for ones and here you are telling me this tsupid worlds get off me, You did not send any fucking money

I'll keep trying.

Quote:

Collins.

I'm not going to argue with you any more. Did you go to the bank? Did you give them the number I gave you? If so they would have told you that the transaction was CANCELLED. But no. You wouldn't do that. You wouldn't even pick up the phone to call Western Union Secure. You have nobody to blame but yourself.

Now I'll tell you this for nothing. If I get any more insults from you whatsoever, I will not pay you a single penny. Do you understand?

Ron Jeremy

Nope. He's definitely slipping the hook.

Quote:

Hello Mr Man,
I want to tell you that you are just a kid that is over there doing nothing, I dont have any things to do with you again, Becuase you dont have money for your self and here you are telling me that you have sent money you stupid man,Get off me,

Time to send him a copy of the WU payment receipt.
But dammit. He's not falling for it.

Quote:

Hello Mr Man,
I want tell you sa you try shabout i no be MUGU okay, I be N I G i beg just bon this lavor okay,I don see this lavor before this na the kin DOCU na i da send give my MAGA
That is left for you i dont give fucking dam, You have full and i dont time time for this again,
Go get somethis to do.

OK. I give him a few days to calm down and then hit him with this.

Quote:

Well Mugu.

Thanks to you (and a couple of hundred other lads), I've been able to quit
my job and retire to somewhere nice and hot. Nothing to do all day but
laze by the pool, drink pinacoladas and eye up the local women as they
walk past in those damn sexy bikinis. Ain't life hell?

With you and the other mugus I scammed, I made close to $1 million. Not
too shabby huh? My prick of a boss must be well pissed off. Fuck him.

So fuckwit. I guess I owe you a big fat thank-you. I will be thinking of
you as I spend your money on a big fat juicy steak or a succulent lobster.
Heck, I might even put yours and a couple other lad's wages together and
buy me a new sports car - call it the Mugumobile.
See you later mumu. I'm off down to the casino to bet all of your cash on
roulette. But what the hell, it doesn't matter if I lose it - I got plenty
more!!!

See ya fucktard!!

Ron Jeremy.

I've a feeling that in the next week or so, Collins is going to be contacted by the Head of Security at Knobgobbler Nameplates. Apparently there is a big, fat juicy reward for the capture of Ron Jeremy.

Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2007 5:56 pm

Awesome idea for a bait! "Shame" you picked one of the laziest lads I ever heard of... Those first photo's left me laughing out hard.

Also, the "Please sign the form" email is one hell of a slap. I need to use that more often Smile

Posted: Sun Apr 01, 2007 10:52 pm

Great work...and even if you did not get a chance to fly and visit him he is still grateful for your hard work and attention to him Twisted Evil

Quote:

thanks for letting me spend my money for this

He really has been entertaining Laughing

Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 10:16 pm

That is a big sack of the Awesome you've hit him with, I can't believe the abuse he's taken and yet he keeps coming back and whining for more like the stupidest mongrel cur for one more kick in the chops. Brilliant!

Please keep this updated if there's anything further from this lazy lad. Very Happy

Posted: Thu Apr 05, 2007 12:53 pm

Updated.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 31 Oct 2006 Posts: 63

great bait!

he was starting to annoy me with his whining Laughing

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 19

That has got to be the funniest thing I have read in a long time. I really didn't think you could keep them going that long. LMAO
Kudos on getting him to take the pictures.

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Dec 2004 Posts: 294

Awesome work! I actually read it all too. Mostly.

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 8:44 am

I did read it all & listened to the clls too.
Razz

Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 11:05 am

Nice bait. And a class-a numpty, too. What an idiot... Laughing

Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 11:23 am

Unfortunately, things haven't quite worked out with Collins. He switched on after a couple of emails that he was being baited again:

Quote:

Hello Mr man,
Or whatever you called you self, You are very stupid to send me email okay, Just get off me, I am done with you and i will nor reply your email again,
I am not MUGU OR MAGA like you, You thinks i don't know you, tsupid man, You dont have any work to do just to be in the internet doing stupid work,
Fuck You and your family

I haven't finished with this little shit yet though. I will give him some time to recover and then pay him another visit.

In the meantime, if anyone else is interested in having a crack at him, his email address is: [email protected]

Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 12:08 pm

Your x rated language? X as in excellent for the lad Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun Apr 22, 2007 8:55 pm

Now THAT's something i'd like to see a recreation of.... Razz

Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 1:57 am

Quote:

Hello Sir,
I want to tell you that I am trying to go and get some photo again, Bout please can I do it like this, Can I take the campo that you sent to me to a act so that there can drool what is in the three campo that you sent to me

I say let them drool all they want! Laughing

Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 2:23 am

Quote:

Collins.
Scan it out whichever the* way you want. Just get the damn thing
filled out and sent back. Do you think that I can just send money abroad
without filling in the correct forms? This is a business. Not some
half-assed back street abortion.

And as for taking pity on you? You cheeky *. I've bent over *
backwards to accomodate you. I've already told you that I've had to grovel
to my boss to get your payment for photographs, which to be quite frank,
are a load of *.

Now stop * whining and send the * forms back. I've just about
had enough of all this *. I've had enough of this *job,
enough of this god-damned project and I've had enough of all the
* that goes with it.
Ron Jeremy.

ROFLMFAOOO Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 05 Aug 2006 Posts: 35

I was laughing the entire time... what an idiotic mugu...

Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 3:32 am

^^^^^^^

I was too, but maybe this would have been a more fitting ending WWF SLAPDOWN Mr. Green

:

Quote:

well well mugu, ok .thanks fo u (and di couple of hundred order lads), ive been fit fo quit mai job na retire fo somewhere nice na hot, ok? natin fo do all day but laze by di pool, drink pinacoladas na eye up di local women as dem waka pass for those damn sexy bikinis .aint life hell? wit u na di order mugus i scammed, i make close fo $1 million. no too shabby huh? mai prick of di oga mus bi well well pissed off. fork am .so fuckwit .i guess i owe u di big fat thank-you .i go bi thinkin of u as i spend ur moni on di big fat juicy steak or di succulent lobster. heck ,i might even put urs na di couple order lad wages togedda na declare man picken di new sports moto - kol it di mugumobile. si u later mumu .i dey off down fo di casino fo bet all of ur cash on roulette. but wetin di hell ,it doesnt matter i lose it - i got plenti more oooooooooo!!!!!!! si ya fucktard ! ron jeremy .

That was the best I've seen Slight. Keep um cummin! Laughing

hmmm - lemme c now: [email protected]

I smell fresh blood... Twisted Evil

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