Cropper's Kitchen Nightmares - DIY blog

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Western Union · Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 9:34 pm

Eight wrote:

1. buy one of those gadgets that tells you whether you have water pipes or electric cables

This is good advice. I managed to flood the house while nailing down a floorboard last year. Half an inch to the right and I�d have hit the gas pipe instead. Shocked

Master Baiter Joined: 21 Jul 2005 Posts: 137

@Roy if your council is anything like ours, you can phone up and they will come around and put another lid on your bin for free. Mind you, it took 2 years..

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 9:31 am

Quote:

Half an inch to the right and I�d have hit the gas pipe instead.

Well...at least then you wouldn�t have had to bother about the house anymore Shocked

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 10:14 am

I haven't read anything else in this thread, but I want you to follow these steps.

* Get yourself a hammer and hit that thing until it cracks.
* Then saw around it with a chainsaw.
* Use a pitchfork to remove excess.
* Add fire to the frame.
* Douse fire.
* Plaster cracks with glue and newspaper.
* Drink a beer
* Paint that sucker and admire your efforts.

Really glad I could help here Roy.

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 10:20 am

I can see where the electric wires are embedded in the wall, because the wallpaper tears off different. Trust me. Anyway, if I drill into it, at least the drill should stop working.

Eight, I like the car crash TV remark, must tell Hayley. Or perhaps not.

We went to B&Q last night looking at worktops. How I laughed when I found out how much the stone/glitter worktops she liked cost. 'Ooh but its on offer and only �688 per length!' she cries Shocked

The one we're having is Ebony Granite Gloss laminate and �68 for 2 x 300cm lengths. Rolling Eyes

The units were using just happen to be the 2nd most damned expensive in the Ikea range, ash frames with ash gloss veneer (Askome). I know half of you will say 'ooh, you don't want to use them' but short of special rendition by the CIA to a country where torture is legal, her mind isn't going to be changed.

I found out 2 things last night reading the catalogue. One, it has to be ordered and delivered. I dont know if I can get half first, fit it, then the other side of the kitchen, or if I have to have it all at once, or what the lead time is. Anyway, I'd better get her deciding what were having.

The other thing is that the double oven she wanted doesnt fit any of the units. As she wants to grill & bake at the same time (at eye level for some reason) the solution seems to be the most expensive all singing & dancing single oven with a built in microwave above it with a quartz grill. �349 for a frigging microwave? You can get one for �30 at Tesco's.

On the grounds that whatever we end up with will be an improvement, here's a couple of 'before' pictures:

You will see I tidied up 'specially. What you won't see with the 'after' pics is the large hole where my money used to be. Hell, if I wanted to get rid of that much I could buy a gold jet car, or develop a rock star sized coke habit and happily live on pot noodles.

Be careful what you promise them, even when you're drunk.

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 10:49 am

Tell Hayley that if she can get you Sarah Beeny and Kirstie Allsopp in as an advisors, she can have what ever she wants. Wink

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:01 am

Roycropper wrote:

......I have smashed up half the floor, but stopped until Moday as the wheelie bin has become too heavy, When I filled it with concrete blocks, the bin lorry struggled to pick it up, and the lid got smashed. They may not give me another free bin.

That's why you use a neighbour's wheely bin Wink

Or find someone who has hired a skip and was silly enough to have it left on the street Wink

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:07 am

I may have to dig the floor out of the bin, put it in my car boot and take it to the tip, so I can get on with it. Trouble is, its now all in tiny pieces.

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

The big DIY stores sell reinforced plastic rubble bags.

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:52 pm

Roy Meets the Electricity Monster

Part 1: Let There Be Dark

So, what have we learned today?

1) Once you have turned the electricity off, there is no nipping on the net to Google 'ringmain' or anything else unexpected that you may come across. It is so long ago since I put that strip light up, the only thing I still remember is the electric shock. At least I learned then that turning the light switch off if NOT enough.

2) Late afternoon is NOT the best time to turn the electric off. realizing it is getting dark only makes things more stressful.

3) Fuses make a helpful 'phut' noise as they evaporate. Listening for this saves time.

4) Despite the fact that all my lights go through a tiny spindly piece of fuse wire, for some reason my house is wired with thick, almost unbendable cable, cable that could be used to carry the current to an aluminium smelter. I have no idea if all houses are wired with this stuff.

Anyway, its up and working at last, if she doesn't try to adjust the hot bulbs, she wont know its a bit wobbly. Just dont ask how much I could have earned in the time I was doing it. Actually, not a lot, it's my 'quiet' time of year. The idea is not to let the job run into the 'busy' time of year. I have my doubts.

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 5:55 pm

Well done! You didn't let the smoke out of the wires. When you let the smoke out of the wires things stop working.

Posted: Fri Feb 23, 2007 10:46 pm

Well put Callum. It's a little known fact that electricity is a myth and infact everything is run on smoke. ( some people have a mirror theory) Have you ever driven passed a power station and seen the excess smoke flowing from the vertical escape venturi. Now if everyone left all their lights on there would not be any need for all that waste.

To test the smoke theory just use any smoka appliance the wrong way or for far too long and it all becomes self evident.

Roy, I'm glad you learnt the "pull the fuse lesson" the world is a much better place with you on it not in it Smile

Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 9:08 am

Quote:

if she doesn't try to adjust the hot bulbs, she wont know its a bit wobbly

please tell what happened when she tried to adjust the cold bulbs Smile

Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 3:27 pm

More like please tell me what happened, when, for the first time in her life she took an interest in a thread on Eater and read your comments. She cant reach the bulbs, so she may never have found out. I'll take up the slack with the wallpaper, honest.

@ Harrya, Screwfix sell smoke in a can, for testing smoke alarms, and no doubt putting it back into wires.

Yesterday we went to Ikea and paid �1,100 for some doors, an oven and a microwave, which wont come for at least 15 days. In the meantime I can buy the carcasses and get them ready. We are doing the kitchen one side at a time, rather than rip it all out at once.

I bought the rubble bags, thanks Thud, the floor is now making the back of my car sag, pending a trip to the tip.

Edmundo Ross, the guy who I have had 4 Prof. Soludos hold signs for, has been coopted as Chief Engineer, after discussions in the Pub. He is an engineer, but fitted kitchens for years. He wanted to be Project Manager, but I want the last say. As a laid back employer, we wont be wearing name badges, but he is free to wear his Village People hard hat and reflective jacket.

We had a site meeting today, he pointed out that sliding doors only slide into spaces that are at least as big as the door. Embarassed

He does know things I wouldnt have thought of, like dont fit the doors until last, unless you want them scratched, and fit them to full cupboards, or the weight will make your cupboards sag slightly, and they wont fit right any more.

He has lent me a proper burglar's crowbar, I'm off to gently remove the cupboards. Wink

Sopme one reminded me of the Simpsons where Homer builds a BBQ, which ends up as a work of junk art instead. I don't know what they mean.

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

Roycropper wrote:

1) Once you have turned the electricity off, there is no nipping on the net to Google 'ringmain' or anything else unexpected that you may come across. It is so long ago since I put that strip light up, the only thing I still remember is the electric shock. At least I learned then that turning the light switch off if NOT enough.

2) Late afternoon is NOT the best time to turn the electric off. realizing it is getting dark only makes things more stressful.

Taking out the fuse is enough, so long as you take reasonable care and your neutral to earth connection is good. (Don't trust it in rural areas and/or check it with a mains tester screwdriver.) Then you can google for tutorials and finish the job using desk lamps.

Roycropper wrote:

@ Harrya, Screwfix sell smoke in a can, for testing smoke alarms, and no doubt putting it back into wires.

That's the wrong type of smoke - far too heavy gauge. You wouldn't fry an egg with engine oil. Once the smoke is out, there's no putting it back.

Roycropper wrote:

Yesterday we went to Ikea and paid �1,100 for some doors, an oven and a microwave, which wont come for at least 15 days. In the meantime I can buy the carcasses and get them ready.

If you're buying the carcasses from somewhere else, I would just check that the Ikea ones are the same size. When Ikea first came over here they were the only ones that sold bulbs to fit their lights. They still sell them, but everyone else caught up.

Roycropper wrote:

I bought the rubble bags, thanks Thud, the floor is now making the back of my car sag, pending a trip to the tip.

Thank * for that. After I posted I got that "I hope I remember correctly" feeling.

Roycropper wrote:

fit them to full cupboards, or the weight will make your cupboards sag slightly, and they wont fit right any more.

No worries. He's used to fitting and leaving. Since you're on-site all the time they are easy enough to adjust later... And you will be.

Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 5:54 pm

Quote:

Once you have turned the electricity off, there is no nipping on the net to Google 'ringmain'

Wireless laptop? Wink

Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 7:57 pm

Well, if I had one.

Meantime, heres the boot of my car, with the high cabinet which used to be the larder, and the 'infinite amount of crap' cupboard. The cats are disturbed because cat food lived there too. Now, they don't know where their next meal is coming from.

The floor is in the blue bags underneath, and Edmundo's wrecking bar, which is good fun, is on top. I hope my suspension survives the night, until I go to the tip in the morning.

Flatpack, Cropper style.

BTW, the carcasses are coming from Ikea, along with everything else, so it should all fit. I am a sucker for the little dampers that close your doors and drawers gently. We need to get a wine rack or something, to fill the gap left for the sliding door that wont be anymore.

Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 9:40 pm

Roy

FWIW- Ikea kitchens are a doddle. They fit together well, last a long time and are generally foolproof!!

I have fitted two in the last five years. They are well good Very Happy

Oh yeah- don't expect the carousel units to carry every electrical geegaw that hayley has ever bought. they tend to give up the ghost at about 40lbs!!

PS
My SO had to have the most expensive doors (ulriksdal) so don't moan too much. But i would refer you back to my first comment!

You should be OK, now that you have Edmundo on the payroll!!

PPS- planning is all!- sit down with a piece of paper and write down every job that needs to be done. Think about the electrics- where you need switches etc now before you get any plastering done!!

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

Roycropper wrote:

We need to get a wine rack or something

Sod the wine rack, while you are ripping the floor up, get one of these, Hayley will love you for it Very Happy

:

http://www.spendamillion.com/indepth.php?item_id=179&category_id=8

Posted: Sun Feb 25, 2007 10:03 pm

Roycropper wrote:

Anyway, if I drill into it, at least the drill should stop working.

I'll keep an eye on the obituaries Shocked

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 12:20 am

I attended a building one day to see how two contracters where getting on with some cable installation. I' got a bout a minuite too late and missed the action. They managed to drill into some power cables in the plant room. This caused a building blackout. Luckly for the bloke with the drill he was unhurt but in a state of shock. He ended up leaning against a huge deisal Generater trying to get his breath back, when the engine started up. We ended up in the pub for the afternoon. The building was blacked out and the electricians had to come and fix it. what else where we to do Smile

Posted: Mon Feb 26, 2007 1:05 am

That light fixture sure dresses up the celing. Wink

Give me a call if you need some help. I do this for a living I'm afraid.

Not quite a Newb Joined: 11 Feb 2007 Posts: 68

You haven't been trying to build a shed have you Roy?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/coventry_warwickshire/6399045.stm

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 1:58 pm

Quote:

He said he had spent �20,000 hiring a small excavator to dig out a large area to the side and rear of his home.

DIY Plonker of 2007 Until Further Notice wrote:

"I obviously didn't want it to come to this, but it's kept me busy, kept my mind busy."

For some reason I can'thelp but think that wouldn't take much, not much at all...

Posted: Tue Feb 27, 2007 2:29 pm

Quote:

"When I've gone a metre down, I might as well go two metres and have two basements."

I know less than nothing about building and sheds, but I'm certain this statement makes no sense at all. Shocked

How is Roy doing today?

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