Words to make a baiters day!

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Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

Just got this from my lad/laddie. It just has that new car smell!

Dear Pastor XXXXXX,

God bless you in Jesus name. I am happy to hear from a good news from you. I thank you for all your effort. God will bless you abundantly.

I told my younger brother and he was happy to hear that your church accepted him as a member. I am also happy to join as a member. This is the way and will of God to get us near to him.

So, please my younger is interested and requesting to get the details for membership. Wink

He like anything that concerns God. Please foward the details so that my younger brother will join.

Pastor God bless you and give you strength.

Waiting to hear from you soon.

Your daughter in Christ,

XXXXX

I'm open for some creative ideas, In the past I have used the "Land of milk and honey" right of passage.. But I am up for some real fun with this fish. Potential Lad Deck candidates perhaps?.. If someone from the lad deck gang would like to join me as a "Bishop" please PM me.

Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 4:00 pm

I would suggest a long journey by car with a dead fish. Sounds fun, unpleasant, funny and a good photo opportunity. Maybe taking one to a suitable highpoint to symbolically return it to the Heavens. They wouldn't cheat with a cool box would they ?

Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 4:06 pm

Add something involving the wearing of a toga.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Something cringeworthy in public. The more cringeworthy and more public the better

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

I don't want to get too crazy, this one is being handed to me on a platter. I don't want to flub it up. I sent a "I will discuss the details with the Bishop" email to buy some time until I come up with a killer idea for this lad.

Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 8:47 pm

How about introducing the "Blessed Pate" where they have to shave the top of the head to resemble a monk and then paint the shaved part white.

Then the toga,

And the fish

and be photographed in the local marketplace holding today's newspaper or a message card.

Master of Master Baiters Joined: 23 Mar 2006 Posts: 669

How about something involving Saint Timothy (the Enchanter)? In honor of the most pious and blessed Saint Timothy, the lad(s) involved must dress in the same garb and (most importantly) helmet as worn by Tim the Enchanter from Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail movie so that the lad(s) can join the church. Obviously pictures must be provided as proof of the level of commitment required for such a church membership. Here's the wikipedia page for him: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_the_Enchanter

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

I went easy on them:

Dearest children in Christ,

I have talked to the Bishop and we have decided to put our trust in
the Lord and accept your membership into the Church. Usually
consecration into the church takes place here in XXXXX XXXX but
since you do not reside on our fair island we have made a special
exception in your case. Our tradition in the church is we follow
the process outlined in Exodus 13. We believe that as children of
the Lord we have been delivered to the land of milk and honey. In
the ceremony the eldest member of the church reads Exodus 13 while
the child being consecrated is anointed upon the head with milk and
honey.

In this case, since we cannot do this personally we require that
the ceremony be performed as follows,

1. The consecration will be performed by the eldest male member of
your family.

2. This male shall read Exodus 13 (I will supply the text) out loud
as those being consecrated kneel before him dressed in all white.

3. When the eldest finishes the text he will say the following, "I
hereby anoint and consecrate (Insert your name here) into the holy
Church of Christ.

4. As he says this he shall anoint the heads of those being
consecrated with milk and honey.

5. The milk shall be from a cow or goat.

6. As evidence of the consecration large detailed photographs of
the consecration will be taken and emailed back to the church to be
presented to the council of membership. Please understand that the
photographs must be very clear and show all of the consecration.
Failure to provide this will make the council of membership
distrust your loyalty to the church.

After the photographs are received they will be presented to the
council of membership for review.

They will take a vote and if you are approved your status in the
church will be secured. (Please know I am on the council of
membership so I can explain your plight and assure your membership
if you follow the procedure) This process takes about 5 days.

This will be an exciting day for all of us as we can continue to
spread the word of Christ as brothers, and sisters in the Church of
Christ.

I send my love and prayers,

I remain yours in Christ,

Pastor XXXXXX

Exodus 13

Consecration of the Firstborn

1 The LORD said to Moses, 2 "Consecrate to me every firstborn
male. The first offspring of every womb among the Israelites
belongs to me, whether man or animal."

3 Then Moses said to the people, "Commemorate this day, the day
you came out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery, because the LORD
brought you out of it with a mighty hand. Eat nothing containing
yeast. 4 Today, in the month of Abib, you are leaving. 5 When the
LORD brings you into the land of the Canaanites, Hittites,
Amorites, Hivites and Jebusites�the land he swore to your
forefathers to give you, a land flowing with milk and honey�you are
to observe this ceremony in this month: 6 For seven days eat bread
made without yeast and on the seventh day hold a festival to the
LORD. 7 Eat unleavened bread during those seven days; nothing with
yeast in it is to be seen among you, nor shall any yeast be seen
anywhere within your borders. 8 On that day tell your son, 'I do
this because of what the LORD did for me when I came out of Egypt.'
9 This observance will be for you like a sign on your hand and a
reminder on your forehead that the law of the LORD is to be on your
lips. For the LORD brought you out of Egypt with his mighty hand.
10 You must keep this ordinance at the appointed time year after
year.

11 "After the LORD brings you into the land of the Canaanites and
gives it to you, as he promised on oath to you and your
forefathers, 12 you are to give over to the LORD the first
offspring of every womb. All the firstborn males of your livestock
belong to the LORD. 13 Redeem with a lamb every firstborn donkey,
but if you do not redeem it, break its neck. Redeem every firstborn
among your sons.

Pastor XXXXX
Asst. Pastor
Church of Christ
X
X
[email protected]
Phone: XXXXX

** SUSPENDED ** Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Posts: 135

Make him dress like a monk and carry around a sign that says "I'm not a flaming homosexual."

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:05 pm

@Pastor Frank: Is this lad from Operation Cancer?

Sid

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

Update... Here are where things stand.. The funny part is the offered me Million$ at the beginning of the bait and now they are in a refugee camp!

On Sun, 04 Feb 2007 17:06:48 -0600 XXX XXX
<[email protected]> wrote:
>Dear Pastor,
>
> I thank you for your mail. But I cannot understand the process.
>I told you that we are refugees and where we are now is not our
>country.This is why we are suffering so much.
>
> Our arents and our entire family and relative died in the war of
>our country.Where can we get money to do all these things you
>said.In fact I cannot understand everything anymore.
>
> I thought that you can help me without performing those things
>you said in we should do.My brother and I have agreed to the work
>of God but what you said is ery difficult to us.
>
> Please think about it if you really want to help us.
>
> I thought that to be a member is to fill a form for registration
>and send it to you. But since you did not send any form, I don't
>understand this type of registration.
>
> Waiting urgently,
>
> Your daughter in Christ

My reply...

Dearest friends in Christ,

I am sorry, there is no option. This was the order from the Bishop.
I can not disrespect the Bishop. Knowing you have email access this
assures me that you can perform the ritual. I am sorry but the
tradition of the church can not be broken. We have made an
exception in your case since you can not perform the ritual of
consecration here on our fair island. I had to put my good word on
the line with the Bishop, please do not let me down. I hope you can
find a way, with prayer and resourcefulness. We wish you to expand
the word of the Lord in your country as our missionary.

I talked to the Bishop and if an elder of your family is not
available, any man over the age of 40 that is a man of Christ can
stand in as your elder, but he must consecrate himself as well.
Sadly he will not be eligible for funds at this time until the
church is rebuilt.

I wish you the love of the Lord and will pray for you and your
brother tonight during evening vespers.

I remain yours in Christ,

Pastor XXXXX (Not Pastor Frank)
> Wink

Baiting Guru Joined: 31 Jan 2007 Posts: 12237

No Sid, It is not. I have had no luck with the addy's you sent me.

I could send you the header if you would like to check for a match.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 18 Dec 2006 Posts: 7

i also think you should tell them to shave their heads similar to a monks pate. shaved on the top and closedly cropped at the sides.

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