I can't stop laughing about this reply to my cult!

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Not quite a Newb Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 52

Keep it sweet, I got the usual. Massive wealth...yada yada ....box somewhere ...yada yada message. Here's my reply:

Dear John

I read your letter with interest, I am sure that the money would be put to good use in my order. I am a High Priest of the ancient order (dating back to the Pharaos) of Khat-Fiddlhaz, we are a very rich order, though more money is always needed to fund our cause. Unfortunately, as a High Priest, I am not allowed (by decree of our holy book the Khat-Nhip) to enter into business with anyone outside of our order.

Would you be willing to join us, the process is very simple and will not even take 30 minutes of your time. And once you have joined us, the transaction could go ahead as you wish.

Yours Faithfully
High Priest Whiz-Khaz
(Frederick McHart)

And here comes the belated reply, read it, it's * hilarious, not only did I get him off script, but spectacularly. He obviously has a grudge against Tutenkhamun:

Dear Frederick McHart,

Thanks for your mail and explanation of your life. It was nice reading from you. I am very happy to inform you that I am a priest of the most high God, and I will like to inform you that the most high God is the highest priest and there shall not be any other priest besides him. If because of my family investment I will leave the way of God to another way it beter that the money remains with the Finance institution and when God want to invest my money no an unauthorised priest will stop me or work against me in the name of Jesus.

I must quickly remind you that Pharaos was all his time wicked and you see what the lord did to pharaos and his nation. Why now do you think it is good for you to belong to pharaos? I am from liberia and we worship the lord If it is good or not we will always worship the most high God.Let go into convenant of God below.

I John Koroma promised to give you one million united states dollars out of my family TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS if only you can change your way and follow Jesus and proclaimed that Jesus is your lord and Personal savour.

I beleive before the end of this year I will be crown a pastor in the netherland or any of the nation where God want me to worship him and bring his children to his kingdom.

Earthly things will never change my mind at any rate and you should remember that we came into the world nakedness and we will not go back with money or shoes but the same nakedness.

I personally, request you to please change your way and follow the only master Jesus and he only will give you life, he only will make you know the truth and he is only true God.

I wait hearing from you, my greetings.

I think his insulting of my religion deserves a slap about!

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 5:37 pm

I would have trried to join his organization . He might be a baiter Laughing

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2007 6:27 pm

Quote:

I beleive before the end of this year I will be crown a pastor in the netherland or any of the nation where God want me to worship him and bring his children to his kingdom.

Tell him I will install a welcoming committee Rolling Eyes

Not quite a Newb Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 52

I didn't think of that. I'll do the old whirlind conversion thing.

Edit:

To be honest, I don't know what's funnier, his bible bashing. Or the fact he actually honestly believed there's an order of the Khat-Fiddlhaz who worship the Cat Gods and Tutenkhamun.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jan 2007 Posts: 2922

Religious bait in reverse...could be interesting!!! Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 12:55 pm

Yeah but as a follower of Pharoah you get to take your worldly wealth with you into the afterlife, and you get to keep your organs too as long as you put them in those jars.

You can even have your favorite servant killed and entombed with you for an eternity of friendly service.

Tell him so far you have this Christianity thing beat. You can also threaten him with a mummy's curse, the mugus do love the curses.

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 3193

Quote:

We came into the world nakedness and we will not go back with money or shoes but the same nakedness.

Not as far as I am aware. Depending on interpretation we go back either in our best suit or only in spirit. Whether that could be termed nakedness is somewhat debatable, but it certainly isn't the same nakedness.

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 2:25 pm

I would also slap him for not knowing his history. Particularly Biblical history. And for being contradictory.

Dr.Humperdink wrote:

I am very happy to inform you that I am a priest of the most high God, and I will like to inform you that the most high God is the highest priest and there shall not be any other priest besides him.

So, if you are priest of the most high God, and there's only one priest, God, are you claiming to be God? Blasphemy!

1st Peter 2:9 is a good verse to throw at him. Or, if he's claiming to be an old Testament priest, you could ask him where's his proof that he's of the tribe of Levi. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Levite And for proof of his circumcision and the ceremony where he was anointed with oil.

So many directions you could take...

Quote:

I must quickly remind you that Pharaos was all his time wicked and you see what the lord did to pharaos and his nation.

Smack him for implying there was only one Pharaoh. And for not knowing that a fairly good and respectful-of-Joseph's-God Pharaoh was responsible for taking in Joseph, making him second in command, which resulted in Joseph's family being saved from starvation, and being given their own land in Egypt, where they flourished. It was only when a Pharaoh who had forgotten Joseph took over that there was that nasty business with the plagues...

Quote:

I John Koroma promised to give you one million united states dollars out of my family TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS if only you can change your way and follow Jesus and proclaimed that Jesus is your lord and Personal savour.

Is he trying to purchase your soul? Is he putting himself on par with Christ, there? Blasphemy!

And the irony is so thick there you could cut it with a chainsaw.

Quote:

Earthly things will never change my mind at any rate

So, why's he trying to bribe you with earthly things, then?

Oh, you could have a lot of fun with Mr. Self-Righteous for No Good Reason.

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 3:09 pm

Quote:

threaten him with a mummy's curse, the mugus do love the curses.

How ever you proceed with this cretin,you have to get the mummy's curse somewhere Laughing

Not quite a Newb Joined: 18 Jan 2007 Posts: 52

Damn it, so many good ideas after I told him God visited me in a dream and told me to give the guy money hehe. He hasn't replied yet, but when he does, I think I'll go completely schitzophrenic (sp?) on him and say that Ra and Osiris visited me in another dream, telling me not to do so. Then Jehova and I'll use those bible quotes hehe. I feel like irritating the life outta this guy.

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 5:17 pm

^^^^^

God and Jehova are the same thing (and he might know that). But you can use Baal and Ashera. If he is really a religious guy, he should know the names.

Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 6:44 pm

You could have the dream that Joseph interpreted for Pharoah in the Bible.

7 fat cows come out of the nile one by one, followed by 7 skinny cows. The skinny ones eat up the fat ones without getting any fatter. What can it mean?????

Tell him it is a recurring nightmare. Feel free to change cows to goats. Feel free to include him in your dream, doing the nasty with goat #3.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Smack him for implying there was only one Pharaoh. And for not knowing that a fairly good and respectful-of-Joseph's-God Pharaoh was responsible for taking in Joseph, making him second in command, which resulted in Joseph's family being saved from starvation, and being given their own land in Egypt, where they flourished. It was only when a Pharaoh who had forgotten Joseph took over that there was that nasty business with the plagues...

Which is also responsible for a pretty good broadway musical by Andrew Lloyd Weber. Have him make you a Technicolor Dreamcoat. Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 3:03 pm

And sing one of the songs over the phone.

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