An offer I can't refuse

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Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 3:58 pm

Maybe Dan thought he hadn't said please enough, so he sent me another half dozen:

Quote:

Hello Dad
So please Dad all i just need you to do for me now is just you send me some little money so i can use it to travel to USA thats all my problem please i beg you please Dad dont let me down please
Dont wanna miss this opportunity

I'm not funding his trip to the USA to work for Jayhawks porn studio, I'd go myself first!

Quote:

Dear Dan,

i cannot help you become an actress. You need to become a woman for a
start, and that's expensive.

What are you babbling on about with this USA thing? I can only help
you with things I can control here in the UK. I get you a job with
Manchester United, what happens? You cant be bothered to go to the
trial I arrange in your own country. I find you a job as a stuntman -
what thanks do I get? Nothing.

You ask for a job in porn, I fix you up with Mr Meldrew at Spunkfest
productions, you decide that's too much trouble and insult him by
asking for money. Now your asking me again.

You are nothing but a lazy ungrateful internet beggar.

Its not my fault if this Mr Saludo can cheat you because you are
greedy, I beleive its called 419 and goes on a lot in your part of the
world. Maybe you've heard of it.

Either get off your arse and do something for a change or leave me alone.

Roy Cr0pper

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Wait a minute! It's not my porn company! It's BadKarma's porn company! I'm just a respected Barrister who is trying to get money back that he stole from my client! Laughing

Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 5:37 pm

I always sort of figured Jayhawk to be some sort of pervert.

Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 6:46 pm

Yeah, pervert, barrister, all the same in my book. Wink

Anyway, Dan is desperate, and back in the cafe.

I must stand by my lad and get retribution from Saludo. I still havent given up with the barrel, but as he is so lazy, he would want the barrel delivering to the waterfall, and a car to take him there too.

Quote:

Hello Friend
Look this one im telling you about the USA one is true im true with all the procedure, and they now send me the money so mr charles saludo stole the money so please i promise you dad that all will move successfully i promise
so please i need you to just help me send some money so i can just go to USA to resume work please Dad i beg you please Dad i promise i will not let you down thanks

Quote:

Dan,

If they are paying you so much, ask them to send the money, or borrow it.

Count me out, I will give you advice and job opportunities, never cash.

If you want money, do that stuntwork I asked for, and Ballsack Films
will send you $2,000.

Tell me about Saludo and what he did to you, I will get him reported
to the Law society.

Roy

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Well, I never said I wasn't a pervert. Razz

I've threatened to show up at his house in the middle of the night and beat him to death with his own dildo, so I'm expecting some reaction from him (you had to know what was in the case I supposedly picked up).

He keeps calling me "Saludo" when my name is "Soludo." The idiot can't even get my name right. Roy, you could always ask him to forward you the messages from Soludo so you can report him. Once you find out it is "Soludo" and not "Saludo" you could back off, saying that you don't want to get in the middle of things with a pitbull like Soludo. Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 5:23 pm

6 emails from him today, he has definitely adopted me as his Daddy, disturbing how lads do that sometimes.

He wants the stuntman job now, yippee, cant wait to see him go over a waterfall. Very Happy

He explains what you rotten lot have been doing to him:

Quote:

Ok how can i do the Job now so im interested
is just that i told him to help me pickup some money inGhana and he took my money and didnt send it back to me and he told me he is going to arrest me
it goes like this a friend send me money through the post office and the post office in my state take off the money and send me only the paper parcel and the person that send it was telling me i stole his money so he now told Mr saludo to arrest me if i dont pay the money so a friend that work in a film star company now told me they need a actor in their company so i now apply and he now send the money and they money now landed in Ghana so i now told him to collect it and remove the 10,000 dollars inside of that girl Shocked

that send me money so he now took the 20,000 thousand dollars and told me he send some money that was why he now cearse my money and told me that he is going to arrest me with the interpol so please i want you to report him and he will pay double of my money for letting the company to be insulting me Thanks Dad God bless

He later sent me the tracking number at Rolling Eyes

Lol at the package containg his fund also containing items like a ballgag and a large dildo Laughing

Of course now I know who I'm dealing with:

Quote:

Hello Dad
Here is the tacking number and the website just track it Dad you get the document he pickup
Dad hope he really live in Ghana do they use Dollars in Ghana
he told me that he use dollars to spent all the store charges so Dad please i need that man to b report please
Thanks Dad
Your son

My Reply:

Quote:

Dear Dan,

I am glad you are going to take the stuntman job. Are there any good
waterfalls near you? As soon as we get your pictures we will get your
money, even better can you get the event videoed, that would pay
really well. )(See YW, I've not forgotten you)

You didnt tell me that the man who stole your money was Professor
Charles SOLUDO! You said Saludo.

I'm sorry but that man is the number one big cheese in Nigeria, he
runs the Central Bank, and has the power to have people dissapear. You
should be very careful with him, dont let him have your adress,
whatever you do.

Roy

He's been busy today, Anna Lynne heard from Potter the hopeless claims agent (Dan again):

Quote:

Hello Mrs Anna
i have been waiting for your payment i didnt get it and the company says by next week we are going to be returning those cars and they checks back to the company i dont want you to lose anything you have been so active and i will not like you with you activeness to go without moving with the check and cars please just try and send me the 5,000 dollars so i will tell the courier company to deliver it for you immediately as fast as possible please just be brief in sending the money so we can send you the cheque and the cars
Thanks For your activeness you have been so nice to the company this will be the recievers name derrick henry if possible send it today so the company can send you the cheques and cars tomorrow morning
Regards
Potter

Convincing, isn't he. I sent him $5k via ITV5. He knows by now that that's how we transfer money these days. Last time he gave up at the passport expiry date becuse he hasn't got one.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I am rolling on the floor in laughter. Roy, your email explains this one that I just received (rates a solid "11" on the wtf-meter)

Quote:

Hello Mr Barr Saludo
I know you are a very big man before but the way you act to me dont seems Good at all you know that i only tol you to help me pickup those items you should have let me have them i should have give jenny her money and pay you your money in naira or in Ghana currency you know that the money is a very big money we dont have money and the company told me to come over to US for the Job ok you know i need that money and the money is not mine if we should come up and act like an africans men this is a very easy case i will pay Jenny his money in Dollars and i pay you with nigeria money you know in nigeria currency that the money is very big
please just try and let us just settle this by our self with out the interpol i really know you and i see you sometimes when you pass you are a nigeria man i really know that i even see you often times you are not a barrister i know very much well you are the central bank governor i live in Abuja but sometimes i come to spend some holiday in lagos please lets just do it together please Thanks Prof Charles Saludo you have been very nice to me to be sincere the truth i know but you trying to be hard to me please i want us to salt this thing out in a kool way thanks God bless

I've been very nice to him? Let me say this again - I HAVE THREATENED TO BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN DILDO! ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION!

Roy, nice touch about him being sure not to tell me where he lives. Of course, I've told him many times that I know where he lives, and I've even given him the address.

I'll put some more pressure on him to pay me back the money (which, by the way, I didn't STEAL, it just seems as if my expenses to collect the money were more than the money in the case, and I'm demanding that he pay me the difference). I don't know how he's going get that much money though. Hmmmm...... Laughing

I just sent him the following. Do you think this will get him off his ass and over that waterfall?

Quote:

BOI!! WHY SHOULD I BE NICE TO YOU YOU STOLE MY MONY AND THE MONY OF MY CLIENT JENNY JAMISON AND YU INSULTED ME AND CALLED ME A LIAR!! I SHULD HAVE HAD YOU ARRESTED BY INTERPOL WHEN YU DID THAT BUT I FELT SORY FOR YU BECAUSE YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!! YES I AM PROFESSOR CHARLES SOLUDO AND I AM THE CENTRAL BANK GOVERNOR AND I AM ALSO A BARRISTER SO DO NOT FUK WITH ME!!! YOU HAVE LIED TO ME OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER BOI!!! YOU SAY THAT I STOLE YUR MONY WHEN I DID NOT STOLE YUR MONEY I JUST HAD TO USE YUR MONY!!!!! WHY DID YOU NTO TELL ME THAT YOU WERE BEING SENT A DILDO I WOOD HAVE HAD MY SECRETARY PICK IT UP BUT I PICKED IT UP AND MY SECRETARY HUR HURSELF AND PEOPLE WERE LAFFING AT ME AND IT COSTS MONY!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT BOI????

SO HOW ARE YOU PLANNING ON PAYING ME BACK THE 17600 YOU OWE ME??? DO YOU WORK?? DO YOU HAVE ANY WAY TO RASE THAT MUCH MONY?? I WANT MY MONY AND THE MONY FOR MY CLIENT JENNY JAMISON WHO YU STOLE FROM!!! TELL ME HOW YU ARE GOING TO GET THAT MUCH MONY BOI??? I WANT AT LEAST DOME OF IT RITE NOW AND YU CAN PAY ME THE REST OVER TIME WITH INTEREST. IF YU DONT TELL ME HOW YOU WILL RASE THE MONY AND WHEN I WILL GET MY FIRST PAYMENT I WILL HAVE INTERPOL COME TO YUR HOUSE RITE NOW AND BEAT YOU WITH YUR OWN DILDO WITCH I HAVE GIVEN TO THEM.

BARRISTER CHARLES SOLUDO

Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 8:27 pm

Quote:

i see you sometimes when you pass

Hopefully next time, Dan will throw himself in front of Soludo's limo to beg forgiveness. Maybe they'll just run him over. JH, If he wanted to do a runner before the wrath of Soludo will make things worse for him. At the very least he will be more inclined to safari. I had him going on one once, he sent a note from his Doctor to say he'd been in an accident. Oddly, his doctor doesn't use punctuation either. Rolling Eyes

Nothing more to Roy today, but he did email Victor Meldr3w over at Spunkf3st Productions. Not as himself, I think I scared him off with the rather graphic photos of very well endowed dudes playing hide the sausage with a lady, but he also sent his begging letter as joseph franklin.

Victor wrote back asking for him to find some local hot chicks.

Quote:

Thats Good
I have almost 10 girls now asking me whether i know any porn company so i tell them i have a friend in UK so you know they need money to come over to UK they said they need it urgent
Regards
Joseph

Victor wont hire random strangers, and has asked for photographic proof of their beauty and their lack of shyness. In the (very) unlikely event of him persuading 10 girls to strip for him, they should be a lynching if noone gets paid. At the very least thy can help launch him over the waterfall. At best I get free photo's, which I won't be posting, to protect their identity. Wink

Considerate, aint I?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

I'll keep pressuring him to at least make a portion of the payment. This might be enough to send him over the waterfall. Judging by his letters to Roy he is actually scared of Soludo. Well, who wouldn't be scared of Soludo? Soludo knows all and sees all.

He keeps bouncing between bravado and cowardice in his emails to me. If he keeps dragging his feet I'll have no choice but to get Interpol involved.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

The reply I got from him today had me on the floor laughing:

Quote:

But barr saludo
you really a very rich man ofcourse but why are you not even giving me hope look you are the central bank governor and you are still telling me to pay you that money but you know i dont suppose to pay you anymoney and i have already book in that money that ten thousand dollars for her and ten thousand dollars for me to move down to US so please i have really explain things to you and the company is asking me some questions but how can you do such i thing really i cant really believe that ,that a nigerian guy could do such a thing really to be sincere i cant we are talking about 3million naira ahhhhhhhh please you have to do something about that money please is too big for somebody to tell me he spend it off just like that
men guy abeg do something i really need the money please
just try and understand me if i tell you i spend money in such way wont you tell me i am stupid just think about this using dollar to pay people oor please i dont really believe you, you are already rich please allow me to get rich please i know that the money is a change for you but for me is big please just help me please thanks God bless

Yes, he actually typed "ahhhhhhhh", and, before anyone asks, to the best of my knowledge he does not live in the "Castle Arrgh."

I think he is up for ANYTHING that will make him some cash. Once I get the pre-arrest form together I'll have interpol send it to him. That should really freak him out.

Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 2:06 pm

Warn the USA, incoming mugu. However, he was stumped by the ITV5 when they asked about his passport, he hasn't got one.

Quote:

Hello Dad
So please i have been able to gather some money for my flight to US please Dad can you help me with a little money please Dad God bless

We dont really have a good waterfall in nigeria here the truth the one we have is very dirty
your son

Not a problem, Dan.

Quote:

Hi Dan,

The dirty waterfall would be ideal, as in the film, Tinga and Tucker
have been swept away by a great flood, and Aunty Jean goes after them
in a barrel.

Have you a passport and a US green card? If not, they won't let you in.

Do the stunt work, and I'll ask Randy Knobcheese in LA to apply for a
green card for you, if you havent got one.

Roy,

I am now treble dating, sorry, baiting him. Spunkfest Productions havent heard from either of him today, where are the 10 girls he promised?

Anna Lynne J3ctions Church of CDXIX has suddenly turned out to be in Ghana, and she cant send money out of the country to claim her car and cash.

Quote:

Dear Potter,

It is ILLEGAL to send money out of Ghana, I'm sorry I didnt make the law. I can receive money but not send it out of the country, Can your agent collect it from me here?

There's always room for another lad in the swamps of the hippo sanctuary.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Have him contact Charles Soludo and get the money in Ghana. I'm sure the good Barrister would be happy to do this. Twisted Evil

Wait a minute. The little sh*t has money to go to America? He's telling me that he's completely broke. Ooohhhh that makes me sooo angry!

Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 3:42 pm

Maybe 2 invites to Ghana might get him off his ass, but I doubt it. As usual, he doesnt want much...

Quote:

Hello Dad
Ok i promise i will do the job dont they have a barrel company in america i can join over there and work for the porn company too maybe after i stay some few years i will move down to england for manchester united for footballing so please Dad all the company just need me to do now is just to take my international passport and take a flight and the will give the united state embassy an invitaton letter and the company will give me a job opportunity thats all Dad and please Dad send me your mobile phone number please thanks Dad God bless

Quote:

Dan, you dont need a barrel company, Just get a beer barrel from a bar
and cut the top off, or use a wooden one.

I will get you the invitation to the USA from Randy in Hollywood, but
I need the waterfall work to impress him, otherwise you are just
another nobody.

In the meantime, why dont you ask Porfofessor Soludo if he would give
you the money back if you went to the airport in Ghana and claimed
your consignment, that I tracked on the courier site?

He might say yes, you dont know until you try.

My mobile battery has gone, it wont keep a charge, I need a new phone, I think.

Your Dad,
Roy

Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 5:43 pm

Roycropper wrote:

Warn the USA, incoming mugu. However, he was stumped by the ITV5 when they asked about his passport, he hasn't got one.

I knew it! I asked the bastard to scan his passport for me, and he came up with a regular passport-type-photo.
While I was trying to get him on a safari (with the help of SP's outstanding courier service), he told me he went to the border but they wouldn't let him through. He might have lied or he might have even tried - as we all know by now - he was not present while brains were given out.

Anyway, I've been quite lazy for the past few days, I've had something else on my mind lately (I got married yesterday!) and I've been telling him to "fork off" 'cause I already have someone else to act instead of him in the movie.
Well, Mr Please is back now:

Quote:

But atlist friend you can still help me please know i have really hurt you but please you can just help me this last chance please i promise i will not let you down please Friend God bless

Quote:

Hello But please friend i know you can still help me so i can move down by next week im not joking please this is for real please friend i know you will be very angry with me but please i know you can help me just this last chance please
i promise you i will not let you down

I think I have to <strike>photoshop</strike> sell his photos to some extremely faggy magazine to cover the $20,000 losses or I just might try to recruit him to my new movie "The Shepard" (including goats).

Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 6:36 pm

Lad in a barrel wrote:

We dont really have a good waterfall in nigeria here the truth the one we have is very dirty

If is wasn't for collateral damage to the environment I'd tell him to take a several litres of dishwashing liquid. He would be expected to clean himself and the barrel first, standing naked and lathered while the detergent does its thing on the waterfall. Then he can be given the big push off.

Extra kudos if he falls out of the barrel on the way down and it then scores him.

Posted: Mon Jan 22, 2007 9:00 pm

Dan deserves all he gets for being a greedy boy, never mind trying to scam me. He thinks he can save my football team, though.

Quote:

Hello
Im really angry on what manchester united played yesterday it was really annoning so please Dad why dont you tell, Sir Alex Ferguson to help me so i move down to UK and let him see me and know that i am a very important striker that one that henrik larsson is playing there i cant see any thing good in him to tell you the truth
i am a very good striker you know that when you havent see some body on the line you think he is not even good for anything please i like manchester united thats why i want to play for them i even have an arsenal fans that is telling me to come and play for them but i say no that i still want to play for manchester united becasuse its my favourite club the truth im telling you Dad
Please Dad my laptop im using to mail you before jut go spoilt i need you to help me got other one, i just mail you now through an internet cafe

Dad please
Im really looking for a single Girl for marriage i hope you can help me get one beautiful girl im really interested just want a very pretty girl that from a respectful family and rich family Dad
and please i really need a laptop please is a toshiba satelite wireless
and i really need a girl Dad im a single guy and i need a very pretty girl please Dad .
your son

Time for a slap in the right direction. The barrel photo is from the BBC, there is a huge container ship aground off Devon, and hundreds are flocking there to bag anything from nappies to one of 50 BMW motorbikes!

Quote:

Dear Son,

Yes I found losing to Arsenal in injury time very annoning too, I cant
even talf to Mr ferguson today, so its not a good time to ask him if
you can have a job, anyway he won't forgive you to not turning up for
the trial in Abuja National Stadium.

You seem to think I am Father bloody Christmas and a marriage agency
all rolled into one. No you cant have a bloody satellite laptop and a
pretty wife, not until I've got one first.

What do you ever do for me? Wheres my bloody waterfall pictures? Randy
Kn0bcheese keeps ringing me from LA. He has your invite to the USA and
payment all ready, but still no photos of you going over the waterfall
in a barrel. Until you can manage that, forget it.

I attach a picture of a suitable barrel. There are a lot of them
floating off Devon right now, not that it will help you any.

Dad

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

He has ignored me for the past few days. Chucky does not like being ignored.

Quote:

BOI WHEN WILL I GET MMY MONY???? YU ARE IGNORNG ME AND I AM AN IMPORTANT PERSON AND SHULD NOT BE IGNORD BOI!!!! DO YOU WANT TO BE ARRESTED BY INTERPOL BCAUSE YOU ARE MAKING ME ANGRY ADN I AM ABOUT REDY TO TELL INTERPLOL TO GO ARREST YOU!!!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND BOI!!!! WHEN WILL I GET MY MONY?????

BARRISTER CHARLES SOLUDO

Let's see if that will get him off his lazy butt and over that waterfall!

Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:54 am

No news on the barrel front. He wrote to Victor offering to send girls over to the UK. No I'm not baiting them, just inviting pictures......

In the meantime, Dan is back as potter the claims agent. He has been trying to get Anna Lynne to pay for her Mercedes BMW for months now. As WU wont send the money out of Ghana, he wants me to send the money as a parcel to him. @ Jayhawk,could I borrow and get a tracking number for him?

The sum is currently $10,000. When he's desperate he goes as low as $2,500, I think it started as $8,000, even he doesn't remember.

Quote:

Hello Mrs Anna,
How are you today hope you doing fine.
Mrs Anna is there no other courier company in ghana Like fedex,UPS and all others and EMS just send it through these courier service the company will be waiting for you now to send your parcel anymoment from now Mrs Anna just be very fast in sending it so that you can recieve the cheques and prizes today as fast as possible.
The company await your fast response just send it through any of these courier im waiting or any courier that the branch is in benin city the agent Roy Daniel will be waiting for you right now
Regards
Potter

The package is going from Wechiau, Wa Province, Ghana. Sender is Receiver is Roy Daniel, Benin City, Nigeria.

I can throw in a couple of bibles too. Of course all will go swimmingly until the package reaches the Nigerian border.....

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Roy, is Scam Patrollers baby. (And nicely done too, I might add)

My character is dealing with Derrek Potter as well, and it's also the BMW Mercedes angle. He gets confused though, as he tends to forget what it is he's scamming.

If you send something through make sure that it unloads in Ghana. Chucky is putting the heat on him to pay the money, and right now he's ignoring Chucky. Whatever you send I can "pick up" and use to satisfy a portion of his debt.

Interpol will be contacting Mr. Potter in a few days (as soon as I get the pre-arrest form together to send to him), and I expect him to have a massive breakdown.

Roy, whatever you do, don't send the money to him via regular post. Those folks are thieves and will steal it! Twisted Evil

That's how Derrek got in trouble to begin with!

Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 3:24 pm

JH, I am in Ghana (as far as potter is concerned) so sending from there. Chucky can chop the dollar when it reaches Accra if you like, it is coming from Wa in North West Ghana.

Can you fix it with SP to issue a tracking number, or do I need to pm him?

EDIT - I pm'd him. I will arrange for the money to dissapear later, you can taunt him as Soludo after if you want.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Roy, can you wait until next week to have the money vanish? I should be able to get "Interpol" involved later this week, at which time I will be able to "officially" garnish any money he will be receiving.

Posted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 4:14 pm

@JH
No problem. To add to his stress, Anna Lynne, who is a bit ditzy, is sending the money in a briefcase to Benin, the republic, not Benin, the city in Nigeria.

It will end up stuck in the depot at Cotonou for a while awaiting collection. I am hoping, but not hopeful, that he will safari to collect it. Before he gets there, or, more likely, while he is whining that he can't afford to go and pick it up, SP will mark it as 'picked up', and Interpol (you) can garnish the $20,000 in the briefcase.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Roy, can you make it less than $20k? Right now he owes me $17,600, and I don't want to wipe that debt clean just yet.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Roy, have either you or BadKarma heard anything lately from this lad? He is ignoring my barrister, however he did send the following to my character that hired the barrister:

Quote:

Hello Mrs Jenny
I have told you several times i did'nt see any money and number two is that your barrister isa thief he stole my client twenty thousand dollars i'm getting prepared for him he must be arrested for this and i'll be moving down from UK by next month and must pay for it i promise you he stole the money and the Nokia N90 i bought for my friend in Nigeria i promise you he will pay
the phones he stole is five nokia N90
so tell him to await my coming he must pay and i have told you i did'nt steal your money what i'm i going to use your money for its too small for me ok

He's pretty full of spunk now, isn't he?

(btw, he claims off and on that he lives in the UK, however we have is real address). Funny thing is, he seems more concerned about the phones that were stolen than he does the money. Laughing

Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 3:10 pm

The retard sent me a couple of those famous please emails a few days ago.
I slapped him for a change and haven't heard from him since. I'm sure he'll answer me some time soon.