Bristol Zoo Bait [With Sound pg.5]

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 6:29 pm

It would be funny if "chilly" sent an e-mail to the lad saying he's mad that the lad "ratted him out" to "Andy". or something to that effect.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 7:18 pm

@Happy Camper - You are really Eric Idle, aren't you? Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 04 Dec 2005 Posts: 3551

Happy, this is so funny. Sounds like Chilly Jimmy is a sociopath!

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Quote:

Like the Simpsons episode when Lisa tries to find out if a hamster is smarter than Bart...

First of all, I am in awe. This has got to be the screwiest and funniest bait I've ever seen.

Second of all, have you considered using your mugu to help you evaluate the intelligence of the penguin? You could say that the bird refuses to complete the intelligence tests that you have designed for him, as he has become quite fond of the mugu. If the mugu would complete the tests then you believe that this would challenge to bird to complete them. Compare the birds score to that of the mugu.

Third of all, that's a pretty homicidal bird you've got there. I sure hope he doesn't end up murdering his trainer.

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:16 pm

Jayhawk wrote:

I sure hope he doesn't end up murdering his trainer.

Ah, well that would be telling now wouldn't it Wink

. I like the idea of an intelligence test. Does anyone have something of that ilk ready prepared? I don't really have time to put something like that together myself.

Peter is getting worried about whether he's gonna get paid.

Peter Smith wrote:

Dear Andy,

I what to ask you a question, Please when do l start getting my money and beside we don't even have a contract so what is the assurance. Well, l am still on with you.

Peter

Andy would never try and get a service for free. Twisted Evil

Andy Pandy wrote:

Dear Peter,

Do not worry about the money. I would appreciate it if you could forgive me for not getting the Zoo's solicitors to draw you up a contract (which will be enforcable in a court of lawHa! Yeah right!). They will have one ready by monday. I hope this puts your worries at bay. While I think of it, do you find it difficult sending more than one email per day. Jimmy is getting lonely. Remeber, work the word HOMOGENOUS into your next letter, and reply to his previous emails. He gets murderous when he is lonely. It's just as well we got his sister's husband out of the way in time!

Regards

Andy

Meanwhile Jimmy's getting lonely.

Chilly Jimmy wrote:

HELLO PETER SMITH

I VERY LONELY
COULD NOT KILL SISTER'S HUSBAND
TODAY I GET BAD FISH
NOT TASTY

RESPOND

In other news, spotthepot has kindly offered to pose as Bristol Zoo's Elephant intelligence researcher, just to keep our Mugu happy when it comes to this being very real and that he will eventully get paid (Ha!)

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 12:37 pm

Clicky for an online IQ test.

Maybe someone who can create PDFs can pull some sample questions from there and modify them appropriately?

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:42 pm

So funny, I love it.

Some penguin related stuff you may find interesting.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1275591.html

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 1:47 pm

Quote:

Maybe someone who can create PDFs can pull some sample questions from there and modify them appropriately?

@Krona, happy to oblige. How many questions do you want? And where do I send the PDF to?

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:24 pm

AbiWord Word Processor is free and enables you save text files in PDF in a second Smile

AbiWord is a free word processing program similar to Microsoft� Word. It is suitable for a wide variety of word processing tasks.

http://www.abisource.com/
enjoy

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:34 pm

The IQ test questions need radio buttons. I can use Word to write letters, proposals, etc. but I can't figure out how to create radio buttons. @Jeanette, can you do that in a PDF?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

In regards to Orinoco's article, is it possible that your penguin, in addition to being homicidal, is also a homophobe?

Man, that's one f*cked up Penguin you've got there.

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 2:50 pm

Look out Happy camper....

Andy The Elephant and his trainer are competing for your Lad's services.
And my boss has a bigger research grant than yours !!!!! so there Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dear Peter,

I am sorry to bother you this way, but I heard Mr Pandy talking about you yesterday during the Research Departments Monthly Meeting. I think that you know that Mr Pandy is exploring some kind of study in trying to get some kind of his birds to read. I expect that he has told you that he has a measly �20,000 for each person that assists him with his work.

I am involved in some much more important animal intelligence studies involving Elephants, which in the long term will be more beneficial than teaching birds to read ! I have been awarded �500,000 for my work and I am quite prepared up to pay up to �45,000 for each person that will help me complete the Practical Animal Remote Testing Exercise. It should only require you to perform a small amount of work and will only require communications over the Internet to our Star Elephant.

Please do not let Mr Pandy know that I have written to you. I expect that Mr Pandy hasn't told you that there will be a very large bonus awarded by the Royal Society for the most successful research project of the year, I think it is around an extra �200,000 at the moment.

I don't think that Panday is letting anyone else know about the �200,000 bonus because he is planning to keep it all for himself, but I am quite happy to share the winnings with all the people who have helped me.

If you think that you can help me with this, or need to ask any questions then contact me.

Remember that Elephants will be more useful to society than any number of reading birds !

Hope to hear from you very soon

TSO VD (and Scar)

(Head of Elephant Intelligence - Bristol Zoo Research Department)

Within 15 mins the Lad replies:-

Quote:

TSO VD (and Scar),

Nice reading your mail. But what l don't know for sure is if l will get paid at the end of the day and for how long will this be. Well, tell me more about it and what l have to do and you must draw a contract for us to sign.
Any way l can still go ahead while we wait for the contract.
Regards

If he wan'ts a contract, I'll give him a mother of a contract .....he'll have to fill in all the blanks though

Edit to mask name

419Eater is my life Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Posts: 416

@krona

Wouldn't buttons be making it too easy for our lad? How about a Q&A grid where he has to draw a little penguin in the box that applies, then scan the completed form and e-mail it back?

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 3:12 pm

^^^^^^ Probably. But it's pretty easy for me to copy portions of the online test to create this sample iq test. I'll try to make it more interesting and difficult later today. @HC, is this the sort of thing you had in mind?

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^^ Yeah, buttons are too easy, but has anyone tried to take that test? The damn test iteself isn't that difficult, but good lord, you've got to go through about five million ads to get to it.

Then again, you could have him take the test and then refuse payment when the penguin gets a better score.

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 3:29 pm

^^^^^ I took it once and scored four hundred and nineteen. How'd you do? Very Happy

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

^^^ I got a rock

Um, yeah, I got 420. Yeah, that's it. My IQ is 420.

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 5:27 pm

@ Krona, sorry to get back to you only now.

Quote:

The IQ test questions need radio buttons.

I don't think I can do that, or it should take me some time to find out. But I gather you need it soon?

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 5:34 pm

From my end (elephant) ...Peter is quite happy to write to the elephant tomorrow , but Peter has to scan his photograph first. The elephant needs to see who is writing to him !

....the more demanding photos may come later

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Okay l will start tomorrow morning my time. I have to scan and send the picture tomorrow so lets get the ball rolling.
But any how, you must be frank with me other wise l would have asked for a little fraction of my money as a sign of seriousness.
peter.

Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2006 11:50 pm

Hahaha, nice work!

Andy Pandy? I have one of the books tucked away somewhere. Looby Loo and Teddy....

Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 1:35 pm

Krona wrote:

^^^^^^ Probably. But it's pretty easy for me to copy portions of the online test to create this sample iq test. I'll try to make it more interesting and difficult later today. @HC, is this the sort of thing you had in mind?

Heh! Looks good. I'll make use of that sometime next week. For now I'm gonna leave him stew over the weekend, get him used to out new friend Mr. Expat. Unfortunately my lad has sent a letter that is a bit too long for Jimmy to understand, and he'll be busy trying to make sense of it over the weekend, eventually fail, and have Peter send it to him in little chunks.

Here's the latest:

Peter Smith wrote:

My dear Chilly,

I am very sorry for keeping you lonely, I was a bit busy but l really missed you l wish l can fly l would have done that since l read your mail.
Have you ever been told a beautiful story, tokay let me tell you one. There was a man that caught a dove and when the dove was in his hand the dove said to the man, please let me tell you three things to make you rich, The first is that you must keep what you have and the second is that you most not cry for what you cannot have and the third one is that you should let me the dove fly the tree and l wil tell you.
Do you know that this man left the dove and the dove flew to the tree and he asked the man what was the first thing l told you and the man said that l must keep what l have and the second is that l should not cry for what l can have and the dove asked the man the following question.
When you had me , did you keep me me and he said no and the dove said that since you can't keep me then dont cry. You can see the two reason's the dove gave are HOMOGENOUS so my dear, do you like stories and do have some good ones to tell.
Do you like fish a lot? Please don't kill sisters husband oh.
I will talk to you again okay, I really miss you my dear.
Peter

At least he worked in the word HOMOGENOUS, although given it's context, I don't think he knows what it is. Try and find it in the email.

He sent Jimmy a second one as well!

Peter Smith wrote:

Dear Chilly,

I did not hear from you? Are you okay? l hope nobody hurt you. Did you like my story and if you do can you tell me. Maybe any thing funny will be okay for me. I just need to see you make me laugh.
What did you eat today l hope you are staying out of trouble.
Have a Nice weekend okay.

Regards

Peter

Out of trouble?! Poor Jimmy's been stewing over the last email, I'll have to find a picture of a fallen over penguin. It's just too much. It might just turn him into, oh I don't know, a sex maniac? Twisted Evil

He's also worried about his money! Greedy b*****d.

Peter wrote:

Dear Andy,
I have read your mail. I was just wondering if l can get some part of my money even 10% as a sign or reality. You know am in Nigeria and l dont even have the means to even travel to you.
I will cooperate with you but plz let me get even 0.1% as a mark or seriousness.

Let's see what a weekend's worth of no replies will do for him.

As an aside, Spotthepot is doing a sterling job, he's really taken this bait up a level. Very Happy

I'll keep you posted.

Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 2:39 pm

^^ I would let Jimmy write back the following:

The Penguin wrote:

I CANNOT FLY. YOU MAKING FUN OUT OF ME. STUPID DOVE CAN FLY. JIMMY CANNOT FLY. JIMMY WILL KILL DOVE WHEN IT COMES HERE. STUPID DOVE WILL NOT FLY ANYMORE. DEAD DOVE WILL NOT FLY.

I would say that he touched a sensitive penguin point, as they cannot fly. Wink

Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 8:47 pm

^^^ I like it BC!

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

Better yet, have the long letter send Jimmy into a psychotic rage. The letter frustrated Jimmy, and Jimmy, being somewhat unbalanced to begin with, flew off the handle and started attacking the rest of the penguins. You had to subdue Jimmy in penguin restraints (for his own good of course) and lock him away.

Then you can slap the mugu for driving Jimmy over the edge. You had made such progress with Jimmy too. Very sad.

Hopefully the penquin prozac you gave Jimmy will calm him down and he will be back and able to communicate.

(I say this just because I'd love to see a letter from a doped out Jimmy.)

Posted: Sat Dec 02, 2006 10:00 pm

Here's a linky to the updated IQ test. Don't bother trying the multiple choice questions, most of them don't have a correct answer as one of the choices (a few do just because I'm interested in seeing if he can get them right). I'd be happy to add questions if you have some good ones.

Bristol Zoo Bait [With Sound pg.5]	View next topic View previous topic