Bristol Zoo Bait [With Sound pg.5]

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Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 1:13 pm

Some of you may remeber my bait when I pretended to be a penguin.

Clicky!

That was a long long time ago, and I have recently returned to baiting (possibly at a bad time - I have exams to pass). Anyway, I am posing as the head of research for the penguin intelligence research centre in Bristol Zoo. Using Shiver's tactic of sending them a "sorry I am too busy for now" email with a large sum of moeny mentioned, and I have a reply, already!

This is the email I sent:

I wrote:

I am afraid I am very busy training the penguins, in my penguin research centre. Some are making great progress, and are learning to write using a very limited vocabulary. We are currently looking for people who have no experience with penguins to communicate with them in various ways so that we can observe them. �200,000 is available for anyone who is interested, although I'm sure you're much to busy with your very admirable cause. I wish you the best of luck.

Regards

Andy Pandy
(Head of Penguin Intelligence - Bristol Zoo Research Department)

Funnily enough, Peter, is very interested, despite being very busy...

Peter (The Scammer) wrote:

Dear Andy Pandy,

Please tell me more about the communication with the penguins,
I am in Nigeria and l am interested.

Peter

I satisfy his interest:

I wrote:

Well, this is excellent! I was not expecting you to have time, but if you can spare some time then this is fantastic.

Now, onto the penguins. We will be assigning you are most promising subject. We call him "Chilly Jimmy" or James for short. We would appreciate it if you address him with one of those two names. I have attached a picture of him diving into some water with an oxygen cannister on his back. It allows him to stay under water for extended periods of time, something he enjoys a lot. We have created him a special email address: [email protected]. Nothing specatcular I know, but we cannot afford a paid email account at present due to the very large amount of money we are spending on rewards, which hopefully you will earn.

In order to earn this money you must enter into correspondance with the penguin for a while, I will be keeping an eye on his emails and I will send you instructions as and when they are needed. You will start the correspondance, by introducing yourself to the penguin, and we will see how he replies. As I said in my previous email, he only responds to a set list of words, our penguin interpreter is not hugely advanced yet. So please only use these words in your email:

I, AM, WAS, WHERE, WHEN, EAT, FISH, SWIM, WALK, FLY, CHILDREN, MATE, PHILANTHROPIST, WHO, ARE, YOU, ME, THEM, THEY, THEIR, THERE, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20, AND, PENGUIN, FRIEND, PAL, OXYMORON, BIRD, ELEPHANT, POLAR, BEAR, SEAL, WATCH, PLAY, EGG, PECK, FLAP, PET, HATE, LIKE, ENJOY, WANK, LEAVE, ENTER, OPEN, NITROGLYCERIDE, PEN, SPEAK, COMPUTER, EMAIL, TALK, THINK, GOAT, ZOO, KEEPER, KEEP, CASTLE, SUN, MOON, FIRE, WATER, SEA, SALT, SALTY, FISHES, FATHER, SON, DAUGHTER, SISTER, BROTHER, MOTHER, COUSIN, UNCLE, NIECE, PESANT, BLACK, WHITE, YELLOW, BLUE, GREEN, PURPLE, CAR, PLANE, BOAT, OCEAN.

Please note also that he has not yet mastered punctuation, so his emails may be a little difficult to understand at first.

Now, down to the terms of the reward:

The reward will be paid IN FULL once all tasks are completed. Half done tasks are not worth having at all I am afraid.
You will comply with my requests without question (although within reason).
Do not threaten the penguin.
Please keep the relationship friendly. We do not approve of beastiality here.

Other than that, I wish you good luck. Please contact the penguin within 24 hours, or this agreement will be terminated.

Good Luck!

Andy Pandy
(Head of Penguin Intelligence - Bristol Zoo Research Department)

So now we wait...

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 2:24 pm

Quote:

PHILANTHROPIST

Quote:

OXYMORON

Quote:

NITROGLYCERIDE

I don't think even an average lad would know those words - well done with those penguins! Wink

I shall be very interested in finding out the important question here:

Is a penguin smarter than a lad?

Baiting Guru Joined: 08 Jul 2004 Posts: 11857 Location: UK

Imagine if the penguin susses out he is a scammer, and says he will tell all to Andy Pandy unless he gets loads of fish via FedEx Laughing

419Eater is my life Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Posts: 416

HC that is one of the best modalities I have ever seen!!

Do the minimum required for those exams and concentrate on your true vocation! Wink

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 5:36 pm

I love the modality. Your mugu will be classified as one of the dumbest.

Please keep us posted. You can always send him to the tip of Africa to find a mate for your pinguin Laughing

Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 5:41 pm

Better get some slpping practice in.

Trophy Videos · Posted: Tue Nov 28, 2006 9:23 pm

PET WATCH ME PLAY

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 10:03 am

I can't believe he fell for it. I sent him a little email as chilly jimmy

Jimmy (The penguin) wrote:

HELLO

I AM CHILLY JIMMY

RESPOND

He responds!

Peter Smith (Lad) wrote:

Hello,

My name is Peter Smith.

Smith

And a bit of interest for my friend:

Jimmy wrote:

HELLO PETER SMITH

TODAY I EAT SISTER'S CHILDREN
DO YOU HAVE FAMILY
FAMILY VERY TASTY

RESPOND

Andy is very excited by the news!

Andy Pandy wrote:

Well, this is proving interesting. It appears that the Pen-O-Trans-O-Tron (the translation device for the penguin) is working. He has in fact eaten his sister's egg. Very odd behavior for a penguin, I must look into this. Still, you are doing an excellent job, please keep it up, you can't stop now! Who knows what this research may bring. I can tell you now, if we are making progress the way we are at the moment, you may even be entitled to �50,000 bonus. Well done!

Regards,

Andy Pandy
(Head of Penguin Intelligence - Bristol Zoo Research Department)

@ rumbero, Provastian and Miss Behaving
Thanks, I appreciate the encouragement! Very Happy

@Scam Patroller
I like it, sometime soon maybe.

My plans for this bait are to introduce progressivley more complex words into the translation machine and ask our friend peter to bring them up in conversation.

419Eater is my life Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Posts: 416

This just gets more and more completely brilliant!!!!

Once you've really got your lad into the swing of it, you could tell him that you think he is developing penguipsychic powers, which could be worth millions. Send him photos of random penguins and ask him what he reckons they are thinking.

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 11:09 am

@ Provastian

I like it! I was thinking of getting him to make penguin noises and record them, so that he can get a better relationship with the penguin.

419Eater is my life Joined: 19 Sep 2006 Posts: 416

Maybe both could be combined to good effect. Smile

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 12:29 pm

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 2:43 pm

He has a family, and he likes sea food.

Peter Smith (Lad) wrote:

Dear Jimmy,

I eat prawn and fish today. I am married so l have family, l have four children.

Peter

And he's concerned for Jimmy's safety:

Peter (again) wrote:

My Dear Friend,
It is a pity you ate your sisters children so how did it happen please dont do that again okay.
You know you are my friend and l will not want you to be in trouble.

peter

Jimmy's reasoning:

Chilly Jimmy, the penguin wrote:

HELLO PETER SMITH

I WAS HUNGRY
SISTER'S EGG TASTE GOOD
ARE YOU PHILANTHROPIST

RESPOND

Andy makes sure Jimmy doesn't get into trouble, and adds a new word!

Andy Pandy wrote:

Don't worry about Jimmy. Turns out he wasn't fed this morning. Doesn't matter, there will be some more next year. Thank's to your work we have been able to add some extra words to the Pen-O-Trans-O-Tron. If you please, we would appreciate it if you could work the word homogenous into the your next email. I'm not sure how though...

Regards

Andy

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 3:46 pm

I must say, you are a genius Smile

But I guess this is what happens when straight-baiting gets boring Razz

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 5:02 pm

You know your penguin has made it when he starts getting 419's in his inbox. Has he got his own bank account?
Perhaps your lad could hold up messages for him?

Slap him for using words like 'trouble' not in Jimmy's vocabulary.

Nice modality, good to see something new. clapping

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 5:09 pm

This is really, really good. I wonder what would happen if Chilly Jimmy were to ASEM a message about the upcoming Penguin Revolution. Down with the two-legged tyrants who keep our fish from us!

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 5:24 pm

Happy Camper, this modality is making me a Happy Camper! I'm laughing my butt off! This has a lot of potential, keep em' going!

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 6:58 pm

@ Happy camper

The utimate trophy would be to have your mugu dress as a pinguin.
As friend always interchange photos.

The trophy would be excellent for a X-mas card Laughing

Keep up the good job Laughing

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 8:06 pm

Simply brilliant Razz

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 8:56 pm

You could go so many ways with this it boggles the mind.

"The Adventures of Chilly Jimmy and the Stupid Mugu!" Very Happy

Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 9:38 pm

kurat wrote:

I must say, you are a genius Smile

But I guess this is what happens when straight-baiting gets boring Razz

Ta. I was never all that good at straight baiting. I get impatient and slap em, and then I lose them. Ridiculous baits are more my thing.

Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 5:55 am

Thats just too good!!

Like the Simpsons episode when Lisa tries to find out if a hamster is smarter than Bart...
Now we have to see if a penguins is smarter than a mugu.

Why arent you slapping him for using words the penguin cant understand though?
Maybe tell him that if he uses words like that it confuses the penguin and he has to re-send the entire email?

Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 9:41 am

The land responds to jimmy's question:

Peter Smith (Lad) wrote:

Hello,

l am a Philanthropist and l am a great one.

Now I'm not sure if our friend Peter knows what a philanthropist is, so I challenge him a bit. If he really is a "Great" philanthropist, then surely he must be donating lots of money to various worthy causes. Therefore, Jimmy decides to find out whether the cause he donates to are worthwhile.

Chilly Jimmy (You know by now) wrote:

HELLO PETER SMITH

IF YOU ARE A PHILANTHROPIST WHO DO YOU GIVE MONEY TO
TODAY SISTER'S HUSBAND PECK ME
TONIGHT SISTER'S HUSBAND DIE

RESPOND

For those of you after a slap, I've got a little one for you. Peter didn't include the word "homogenous" in his last email, and Andy's not happy about that. After all, he is paying Peter a large amount of money. Wink

Andy sends Peter an email with the subject: VERY IMPORTANT! PLEASE RESPOND

Andy Pandy wrote:

Dear Peter

First of all, well done for revealing that Jimmy plans on killing one of the other penguins. We can put him in another freezer for now, until Jimmy calms down.

Now, onto more important business. In your last email, you did not mention the word HOMOGENOUS. I asked specifically to put the word in your last email. We cannot test the Pen-O-Trans-O-Tron without you putting in the words that I ask, and please, make the email sensible. Don't just put the word in, make it fit into the sentence, otherwise you will confuse Jimmy, and then he'll have to be sent to the electric shock chamber again. Remeber, we are paying a large amount of money for this service, and there is still the possibility for bonus. Do not let me down.

Regards

Andy

Not a proper slap by any means, but I've only had him for a couple of days, and I don't want to lose him yet. If I can keep him going for a month or two, who knows what trophies I can get out of him. If he uses words not in the list again, I'll send him an "UNRECOGNISED WORD - PLEASE REWRITE" error.

Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 10:20 am

Well, what can I say ....I am so inspired by this modality, that I am going to take my straight bait badge off until the new year and have a play.

I just got me a new addie

[email protected]

Thanks for the idea HC

Posted: Thu Nov 30, 2006 5:49 pm

At this point your lad should do some reserach of pinguin behaviours in order to gain knowledge.

Have the little creature test your lad on pinguin mating rituals Laughing

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