Your name knocks a hammer in my temples

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Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 2:06 pm

This Vlad's scripts are so hillarious I'm actually reading them..Anyhoo, I thought I'd share.. Laughing

Quote:

Date: Sun, 22 Oct 2006 14:56:24 +0400
From: Svetlana [email protected]
X-Mailer: The Bat! (v3.64.01 Christmas Edition) Professional
Reply-To: Svetlana <[email protected]>
X-Priority: 3 (Normal)
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
To:
Subject: hi
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

Dear

Your name knocks a hammer in my temples...
Your name knocks a hammer in temples... I endlessly draw your name
finger on wet glass of window... With it is necessary to do
something!!! There is no pain more terribly, than what cause each
other in love! I so sincerely trusted, I waited you the love for a
century... Ideas it is impossible to collect in a single whole, very
coldly... I do not have not enough you! My letters remain without the
answer.
Forgive me! If I am in something also guilty, just that is mad. I love
you, Imfulla, simply I want to be with you, forgive that has
understood it just now... FORGIVE... FORGIVE... FORGIVE... Earlier and
could not think, that you can become a part of me, did not think, and
not wanted to trust... And now you are my life, my ray of light... Why
you don't answer on my letters? I do not play in such games. I can
live not loving, I have got used so to live... But you cannot, because
I am necessary for you, because in ideas you all the time address me,
because I am a part of you. Not to be such, please. Let's try love the
friend the friend. I do not offer friendship to you, because love do
not close friendship: the end is the end!!!... But I have thought,
that will are sad, if we shall not return to ourselves each other... I
LOVE YOU!!!

Yours Svetlana

_____________________________________________________

I sent her back her own letter..and she sends this..

Quote:

From: Svetlana [email protected]
Reply-To: Svetlana [email protected]
To:
Date: 23-Oct-2006

Hi ,

I am very glad to see your letter for me, I very much liked to read your letter, I very much would want to learn{find out} about you more and as very much I want that you have learned{have found out} about me.
How are you doing? I'm fine. Weather in the street very cold, and would not be desirable to walk all the day in the street, birds already fly in warm is proud, I can write to you about that that use the dictionary, I always have with itself a Russian-English dictionary, I at school was presented this dictionary, and I very much love this dictionary, it{he} reminds me my childhood at school as I very much like to recollect about my teacher of English language, she{it} told about a life in America and in England as she{it} many times went there much, and she{it} spoke us that very pleasant culture in these countries, that people differ from people which live in Russia, as at us in Russia is a lot of people which spend on drink the life and which to not aspire to make anything good for this world, and that is why I has decided{solved} to find the friend or even slightly more than the friend on the Internet of cafe, me would seem that simply wonderfully if we could tell even more each other about ourselves,
As I once again slightly can write about my village, it certainly very beautiful village here fresh air, and only up to a wood there are 1,8 km, we every summer go to a wood to collect wild strawberry, mushrooms, a blackberry, and a raspberry, in our wood much all tasty and many people collect all this every summer and when we collect all this fruit, we then houses do{make} jam for winter, we do{make} juice, and we do{make} everyones of mushrooms salad for winter, and all the winter long we eat our fruits which we have collected in the summer, it is very interesting to go to a wood, though and at us a wood very big, but we are not lost because since the childhood we go to a wood, once when I still was small, when to me was only 7 years me and my cousin my mum has taken us with itself in a wood to collect wild strawberry so we so long went what even were lost in a wood, but then mum nevertheless has found a way back, and all of us 3 came back, since then I went to a wood only with my cousin, And now I can already go one, but one in a wood it is very boring, and consequently we go with my friends, many collect here all this fruit and sell in the market as very much there is no money, and everyone wants to survive as it is possible to it{him}, but I do not sell we prepare for all this for the winter as I wrote we we do{make} jam or juice, and are very glad there is in the winter almost fresh fruit.
As at our place there is a cow, we very much love her{it} she{it} every day gives milk and from milk we do{make} kefir, sour cream, my mum sometimes even does{makes} cheese and oil and all of us very much love to eat all fresh as in shop it costs{stands} very dearly and many neighbours at whom there is no cow come to us on a visit to have a meal fresh milk or oils. I love the village, but nevertheless I do not want to live without my favourite person, I want to find the favourite person very much.
I am glad to read your letters and to write to you new. Write to me your new letter. I shall wait from you for the letter.
I shall send to you my photo. sincerely

Svetlana

____________________________________________________

I'm only copy n pasting this Vlad's mails..Mainly because they are so funny.. Laughing

Quote:

From: Svetlana [email protected]
Reply-To: Svetlana [email protected]
To:
Date: 25-Oct-2006
Subject: My Love

Hi my dear !

I am in good mood after perusal of your letter! Your person is
constant in my head, and I constantly think of you. My feelings to you
grow with extraordinary force!
This stay of feelings to me so is pleasant, also I need in your
letters more and more! I so am grateful to destiny, that we had a
meeting on the Internet.
It has caused to opening in me of new magnificent feelings!
And it does my life, more beautiful and desirable.
I think, which you will do me by the happiest woman in the world.
I shall try to do with you similar!

I have passion to an animal, is especial to cats. We had a cat, named
Jelly earlier, but pussycat has died of old age, and I had very deeply
a presentiment of death. I would like to inform to you I love what
flowers.
From colors I love white roses. Though to me very seldom give flowers,
but however white roses do very big impressions, more likely than
others. This which attraction is in them. As sing in one of songs of a
hit, white roses, white roses - defenceless thorns, white roses, white
roses, and We on you...
I have dream. I would like to jump up with a parachute from height of
five kilometers. It can seem to you silly, but I would like to look at
the ground from height of flight of a bird. Speak this display of
capture when you fall, you see, how under you of the ground. And in a
breast in you all becomes transfixed, and you then cannot describe
these moments. And you have sometime jumped up With a parachute?
This confidential desire considers my impatience to kiss your lips
when I saw a picture you. Please, understand me in the correct way. I
do not want to tell a a kind of vulgarity. I simply connect my
feelings which I have for you. For Some reason I would like, that you
have been informed concerning my wandering ideas you and my attitude
to you. Also remember, that I think also the enterprise anxiety on you
Also I want to know all in detail about you.
Passionate love and kisses!

Covers Svetlana.

_____________________________________________________

Quote:

From: Svetlana [email protected]
Reply-To: Svetlana [email protected]
To:
Date: 25-Oct-2006

Greetings my dear !
It is lovely to hear you soon! In us now good weather.
It is good this solar now warmly considerably strongly.
In the street our city probably should see considerably young pairs and the girl, assigners together. They cover (to embrace) and in an own eye considerably love.
It is pity to me, that I do not have person near to which I could also to go on walk somewhere on coast, or even, to go on walk in city.
Many people start attitudes {relations} with each other.
Inform me, that you should love in this time year.
I want to inform, that in a summer what I like to float and lay under the sun very much.
I that want to have entertainment with you in water. It considerably vigorous.
I as am similar is played games about a sphere. I want to find, that that is similar to do {make} you in leisure of work. I want to inform, that I as similarly to reading of the book and, to listen to music. This I to do {make} close {attentive} and, to allow me to dream.
I have the маладтший the native brother. It {he} is more younger I on 15.
It {He} lives in the other city with mum.
I see it {him} considerably seldom. I at all do not know, that else to inform you on it {him}. I undoubtedly visit {attend} it {him}.
I like to differ music. I listen in music of other type of moods.
I only cannot suffer {bear} heavy destiny. These very terrible sounds.
My favourite food - плов. This rice with meat. Considerably tasty and the cook probably differently I think, that you do not want to hasten as I want to hear you so скольких it probably through the letter. I want also, that you knew on me personally.
I should expect your letter your new girlfriend Svetlana

_____________________________________________________

Quote:

From: Svetlana [email protected]
Reply-To: Svetlana [email protected]
To:
Date: 25-Oct-2006

Hi my .

I read your letters and I try to understand each of your words.
I do not want to pass{miss} any your word. Therefore it is necessary for me to look
Some words in the dictionary. I spend a lot of time in cafe the Internet, but I am glad to do{make} it. It is very important for me to know about you. It is interesting to me as you live and to know all that with you happens. I shall tell also about myself.
I think, that I did not speak you, but I live with my parents. They already old.
I very much love them. We always find mutual understanding. Mum already on pension and the daddy still works in collective farm, is not far from city in village. I think, that you know collective farm
Is as a farm at you. It{he} the tractor operator. Well that in the rural house it is not necessary to pay many money for комунальные services. I think, that we would not have not enough enough money to pay for all kinds of municipal services. I earn very little in comparison with salary a payment which is received with people in cities. I receive only 2800 roubles. It has counted also it even less than 100 dollars. It is good, that it is necessary for us to pay only for used water and for natural gas by which the house is heated.
I would like to tell to you more. Ask me about something. I also have some questions for you. I hope, that you will not complicate to answer my questions.
What you want to have your future wife? Write to me a little.
You would choose between the woman which has money and career. Or what can do{make} all on the house. She{it} is able to prepare, erase well, wants the child and to care of the child, but she{it} is not able to earn many money:).
I shall look forward to hearing from you. Tell to me also about what to meal you love. Tell about your favourite dish and tell as it{him} to prepare.
I shall wait for your new letter and the answer to my questions.

Your good girlfriend Svetlana

" Answer my some questions "

Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 2:09 pm

What can you say???

She's full of it......

Posted: Sun Oct 22, 2006 5:14 pm

Awwwwww I dunno, she seemed quite caught up in the moment to me. Her imprecations were as heartfelt and lovelorn as any online translator has ever produced. "Your name knocks a hammer in my temples...
Your name knocks a hammer in temples... I endlessly draw your name
finger on wet glass of window... With it is necessary to do
something!!!". I mean that says it all really, it get's you right where you live. Incoherent gibberish has always been a turnon for me...

Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 12:08 am

I forgot about this Vlad..I got a few I'm so sad you never write me..It's back on and I asked for a funny photo like the ones I send..

I got one today..kinda.. Laughing

Quote:

From: Svetlana [email protected]
Reply-To: Svetlana [email protected]
To:
Date: 26-Oct-2006

Hello my dear .

I get your letter again, and I very pleased!
I always with interest read your new letter. And with each new letter
we closer and more friend to friend close.
When I get your letter, my life is filled pleasure immediately.
This was pleasantly for me to get your after letter today.
And I every time dialect thank you director of our shop that
she sends me in city for provisions for shop.
Sometimes I itself after working meal in city in internet cafe
to read your letter and write you newly.
As You do? In me all today this well, I have a remarkable mood.
Probably this since I have found your letter today again.
However I want to say in this letter little that, this loves to eat and get ready.
You know that I much love to get ready!!!
Also must boast thereof in me, this much well appears.
To the whole I was explored my ma she in me also good cook.
I cook nearly to all. They - different soup, stew, pies,
salads and much other things Regrettably, I have no any computer
and ringing in our apartment.
I want to get the computer and connect Internet, but this dearly.
In general, I think that Internet - a big success as people
from two different ends. And because of this I must go in Internet cafe
and from there already use Internet. But this also costs it is enough big money.
I want to hear your voice, I hope that You want to hear my voice also.
But regrettably, I have no any telephone in our house since much dearly
install the telephone in this time now.
You know, for me marriage, this - not only mutual residence
under one roof together, but as well as mutual understanding.
I take, which marriage is made in sky here once again, on the Land,
we search for our second half. I should like to suppose that You - my half.
I think that in man the most important - his soul, but origin -
only covering, and under this there is our existence.
I do not dream my Favorite, never I shall not betray me, I not jealous,
and I think, that jealous - a poor sign oppresses. Necessary to charge to friend friend.
This - my standpoint. Can Be this, false, but this - my idea.

Yours Svetlana

_______________________________________________________________

I sent her that myspace thing after this mail..With a bit of luck she'll do it..

Quote:

From: Svetlana [email protected]
Reply-To: Svetlana [email protected]
To:
Date: 07-Nov-2006

Hello my best friend .
I am glad that the god gives me new days to live and be pleased to see your letters.
Now I know, that the god sees me and we have found each other.
Though the cafe takes the Internet of money to write to you,
But I am glad to write to you again. I shall always write to you. Also I shall write
So frequently as I can
I so am glad each time to read your so pleasant letters, to learn{find out} about you
It is more and to know your ideas. I understand, that you live other culture, but
I know, that only the culture differs also all of us people are similar against each other.
You it is valid now my best friend. I feel, that I can speak you
About many things. I even am glad when I speak you about something new.
I am very glad, that we understand each other.
Weather is very good and warm. In the street still there is no snow.
A little dirtly, but it will be fast a snow. To support
In the good form I sometimes run my body in the mornings before work.
I have run approximately once in two days. I heard on the TV
About fitness with which help of the woman support the good form of a body,
But we have no in village any fitness центорв. And I try
To be engaged in run, to be beautiful. I think, that you estimate it.
I am glad to leave on street in the morning and to go for work in shop.
I spoke you about my work a little. But now I want to tell
You have some about shop where I work. I spoke you already about ours director.
She{It} is the woman and her name is Natasha. She{it} very good and kind person.
All my colleagues and I including we respect her{it}. Us, that is sellers
Restaurant of only 4 persons. We work only women. In Russia and I think,
That as well at you in the USA it is accepted, that at restaurants
Women work only. We very amicable collective. All of us respect
Each other also we appreciate opinion of everyone. All of us try to do{make} our restaurant
Cosy that everyone посититель came to us again and again.
We have the motto of our restaurant. He/she is each buyer of the rights.
I also want to tell to you, that I христианин.я християнка and I always think of the god and
It{He} always near to me. We have an icon of a house and I sometimes sit beside
With an icon also I think of the god. I think, that in a life it is not necessary
All to assume on the god and much is necessary to reach{achieve} most.
I think, that you agree with my opinion. I think, that the god in soul of everyone.
And only the person solves as far as it{he} is close to it{him}.
I finish my letter. I nearly have not overlooked to tell to you, that my parents
Speak you to you Hello. I also shall tell him{it} Hi from you. I shall wait for your letter.

Sincerely, your friend Svetlana

Posted: Wed Nov 08, 2006 10:37 pm

She answered the questionaire..Looks like she translated it and answered it and vice versa.. Laughing

Quote:

From: Svetlana [email protected]
Reply-To: Svetlana [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, November 8, 2006
To:

My dear I successful,
that I have found your letter in my e-mail,
You not can independently even to present it as I �� that that we
With you together, that you write to me, I really very pleased it it
I have such good friend as you, I have most of all received chance of light if
We be able to be more than friends, you very beautiful type
You a little, and me really were very well if we are able to
To become very close people, I wait this day with alarm.
I want, that you have in the same way affected, how to passes my day, I shall be
Rise in 6:30 morning of hours every day and be washed up, then I prepare I peep
and I have breakfast.
I and my director we go in city. I go to write to you the letter, but my
��
Goes to buy that - �� at our restaurant, and here - after I write to you the
letter,
We back with my director go in our restaurant, and I work subsequently before
17:00 hours. But sometimes I food after work to write you.
After I arrive home, I work a building, since then now a springtime and
It is a lot of works of a building, it is necessary whole dust to take
Far, which lays about a building about us at restaurant now much
From dust after a summer{years}, in the same way already will very soon begin
Winter, and in the summer we building place an onions{a bow}, carrots,
Cabbage, tomato, cucumber and other vegetables. We much the whole
Placed subsequently in winter all there is new {fresh}. Certainly,
It is necessary, subsequently care of everything, that we have placed it.
We subsequently begin weeds to clean{remove}. It takes a lot of time
But we do not complain, in the same way that we still place a potato it
The whole winter subsequently was its{her} potato. Certainly some people do not
place
Anything, but they have no money to subsequently all this buys. But we plain
People with which all of us do{make} independently, and here - I concern{touch}
domestic affairs
After approximately 3-4 hours after work and already subsequently
Only hours at 11:00 I lie down to sleep, here - so passes my day.
I certainly very much want to be met with you as I understand it
I not with can live more than one, I even become sometimes awful from it
That I for ever remain that. I much become awful and painful from
It as I really very much want that our friendship, became in the greater,
I shall be very pleased it, I, the whole only want to find his{its} family.
You eventually which it knows, I am valid above all, want to be only with you,
Me it is awful that I remain one, me it is very bad from it,
I at all do not understand, why on our ground all so is difficult for making.
I very much want to find his{its} favourite person, I was very glad, if this
person becomes exact you.
I shall be very pleased if we shall be together with those times
I understand, that I am better you should find than anybody.
I shall wait your answer.
1. Where there were you 1 hour back?

2. Who will be your following kiss? I hope that yours!

3. Whether it is valid there that - - be is pink within the limits of 10 foots
from you? Yes!

4. When - last time when you have gone to avenue? Very much for a long time...

5. You carry socks right now? Yes

6. When last time when you have left the state {conditions} was? I to not leave
from the state!!!

7. You were to films for the last 5 days? No.

8. What was last thing which you should drink? Coffee.

9. What do you carry right now? On me a jacket which is
�=��,��,��=�,��,=��,��,��,��=��...

10. What was your last purchase? I to go to shop behind meal for a house!!!

11. Last food {meal} you have eaten? Plov and tea.

12. Who was last person with whom you spoke by phone? I to not have phone...

13. You have bought any items{points} {products} clothes last week? No...

14. You have a pet? Yes it is a cat marsik

15. What does the last carry a case {event} which you observed? The first
snow!!! It is very beautiful...

16. What your favourite class? I to not understand you!!!

17. If you could be somewhere right now where you would be? I would be at you, I
very much to want to you.

18. What last thing which you have bought online? I to not buy in online!

19. What age - your parents? To my mum 53 and the daddy 56

20. What your favourite soup? borsh

21. You pass{miss} anyone? I to not understand your question!!!

22. Last game {the play} to us goes the auditor!!!

23. What were your plans within day? After work it is necessary to write to
you!!!!

24. Who - last person you messaged on myspace? I to not understand your question

25. Ever go to camp? I do not know..

27. What do you know about the future? I to not know about the future but I to
think that I and you we shall be in a place and are happy...

28. You carry any spirits or cologne? Spirits

29. Are you playing game of Monobend ��? No

30. Where - your best friend [s] located? It you

31. You have sunburn? No

32. What age you want to be, when you have children? Anyone

33. You collect that - - be? No

34. You have any tattooes or peircings? No

35. To have you, ever saws your soda from straw? No

36. How you do{make} love{like} your soda? No

37. You love hot sauce? I to not try....

38. Last time you have taken a shower? Yes

39. Who does{makes} you love? You!

40. What your mood? Very well!

41. You whose - that the best friend? I do not know!

42. What last teleshow which you observed? dom 2
I hope that my answers like you!!!

Yours Svetlana...........................!!!!

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 03 Nov 2006 Posts: 4

"My feelings to you
grow with extraordinary force! "

These are some great comic lines. Extraordinary force like a Saturn 5 rocket taking off perhaps?

Very Happy

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