Lad reality; living in the mugu-verse

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Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:14 pm

Sorry if this has been done before, but I'm inspired to a "Ten Things I Learned from the Lads" - well, 10+ things.

- The West African cocoa industry is so full of treachery and murder, it makes the Colombian Cocaine Cartels look like Boy Scouts.

- Invoices and receipts are the same thing.

- Knights of the Realm are frequently employed by West African Security Firms and Law offices.

OK, that's three to start, any others?

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 2:52 pm

4. IF YOU WNAT TO BE TKAEN SIRRIUSLY THEN TPYE IN CAPITALS AND THORW IN THE ODD SPELLIGN MISSTAKE.

5. It's ok to rob innocent victims as long as you always finish your emails with 'God bless you'

Laughing

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 3:16 pm

- Everyone is a prince or a king.

- Everyone's father or husband was a General.

- Everyone works at a bank.

- Everyone is a barrister.

- Everyone has American first and last names such as Williams Anthony.

- Everyone has the title of "Dr." no matter the situation.

- Everyone around you tends to get assassinated, poisoned, or killed in plane crashes.

- Everyone addresses everything as "urgent" and/or "confidential".

- Everyone has esophageal cancer.

- Everyone allocates 5% for expenses.

- Everyone needs a vital operation tomorrow, for weeks.

- Everyone is deeply religious.

419Eater is my life Joined: 21 Aug 2005 Posts: 381

- Law firms, high politicians and the governor of the cbn always use yahoo.
- Curses, insults, spirits and evil creatures can easily be returned by a simple "return to sender" email.

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 3:22 pm

- everybody in the world has a mobile phone (learnt from a lad that was happy with my k7 landline number but dropped me because i didnt have a mobile).
- its perfectly normal to be asked your cause of death on a questionaire.
- making sense is for losers.
- 3 am is happy hour.
- every genuine bank uses a yahoo account.

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 4:47 pm

-Everone who has a passport had the picture taken in the 80's.

-Every computer has the spell check function disabled.

-The more important a Mugu sounds, the dumber they are.

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

- West African prices have spiraled out of control. A simple item like a wooden box will cost you $16,000.

- Checks are a thing of the past. The economy now revolves around Western Union.

- Negotiating skills are essential. That is why it is imperative to get the best percentage split of a nonexistant deal.

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 6:33 pm

Nigeria has sooo much unclaimed cash in their government accounts, one wonders why they are so broke?

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 6:42 pm

Don't be silly. They're broke because they keep giving it all away to random Americans and Brits, keeping only a small portion of it for there hard work and efforts.

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:22 pm

Nigeria is very far from broke... that is the reality. So much oil flowing around. It's citizens that are broke, not the country in general. Sad

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:35 pm

- PDF files are mysterious and should be discarded in favour of more lawyer-friendly formats, like jpeg.

- It is appropriate -- even preferred etiquette -- to attach pictures of your erect genitalia in the very first e-mail you send prospective online date partners.

- There are lots of scammers out there, many who have stories identical to mine, but mine is genuine.

- There is nothing unusual about having an e-mail address like [email protected] and signing your e-mails "Barrister Frank Okafor"

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 8:12 pm

- Every deal will be lost if money is not sent immediately, but then (somehow) never seems to expire.
- Every lad is single and available, if you are a female in need of companionship (even if they work for the lottery, etc.)

Baiting Guru Joined: 07 Jul 2006 Posts: 5727

- Banks employ thousands of people whose sole job is to track down a reputable foreign partner to assist in the transfer of funds. This group of dedicated individuals are lead by Charles Soludo.

- These thousands of bank employees to not talk to one another, as secrecy is of the highest importance.

- West Africa is the deal capital of the world, as all deals are "100% risky free."

- Forget Silicon Valley. The true inventions that will shape tomorrow are being invented today in West Africa. These inventions, ranging from special ink that can only be removed via expensive solutions to low cost Epson printers that can print perfect $100 bill replicas, exist only in the hands of a few select young, brilliant West Africans.

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:48 pm

For some strange reason, they would rather have a 10-digit number than a wad of cash!

Posted: Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:58 pm

- A deal sum always ends by 500,000,00.
Examples:
12,500,000,00USD;
18,500,000,00EUR;
25,500,000,00GBP

419Eater is my life Joined: 21 Aug 2005 Posts: 381

Jayhawk wrote:

- Forget Silicon Valley. The true inventions that will shape tomorrow are being invented today in West Africa. These inventions, ranging from special ink that can only be removed via expensive solutions to low cost Epson printers that can print perfect $100 bill replicas, exist only in the hands of a few select young, brilliant West Africans.

You dont need a printer for that. A very old pc is just fine, their floppy drives can print.

Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 1:44 am

The most important

Everything is 100 % risk free

Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 2:11 am

Large West African banks hire a single person to answer all the calls to the head office of the bank on his/her pre-paid mobile phone.

^^^^^^also applies to law firms in West Africa

West African banks don't have SWIFT codes and payee accounts. But they all have a "secretary" who can accept service fees payable via WU/MG.

A photo taken outdoors with a palm tree in the background CAN be used for West African passports, bank ID's, barrister ID's and International driver's licenses simultaneously. (one pic fits all)

DEATH can be the cause of death.

Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 2:24 am

They have a compliment for everyday of the years Laughing

Master Baiter Joined: 06 Jul 2006 Posts: 135

All emails is a surprise.

It may come to you as a surpise...

Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 4:32 am

punctuationand spaces betweenwords isnot a valued business skill among barristers doctors bankersdiplomats oranyother executive levelposition ooooo

Diplomats are required to go through customs just like everyone else, often get detained, never have money to cover those pesky unforseen emergencies and never ever fly directly to their destination.

419Eater is my life Joined: 26 Apr 2006 Posts: 476

You dont have to enter a lottery to be a lotto winner

Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 5:06 am

The business and literacy etiquette of dealing with such large sums of money compels every sentence to end with OK.

This remarkably subtle negotiating technique leaves the sentence open, and can be read as either a statement of fact, or a question (OK?).

Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 12:45 am

:- All documents must be submitted to the ministry of justice
:- Integrity is defined NOT by how honest you are, but by how many scales of justice you can fit in your letter head
:- All official documents are written in comic sans
:- Interest paid on deposits is a foreign concept to West African banks
:- (following on) No one deposits money in a West African bank, everyone knows a trunkbox is far more secure!
:- (still following on!) Security companys will only look after a trunkbox if a foreign investor is needed to get it back.
:- West African women can spot the man of their dreams on YIM in under 5 minutes!
:- Money can't buy me love, but a WU transfer can!
:- Death by chocolate isn't just a desert in West Africa Laughing

:- Banks, Barristers, and just about every other professional person will happily take your call at 3am local time.

Lokie

Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 7:11 pm

everyone is dying of cancer and finds jesus in their last days of life. however, they manage to hang on long enough to get your money.

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