The four evangelists of moronville

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Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:08 pm

The characters (in order of appearance)

Father Ted: The head pastor for the TOG ] (me)
Pastor The head of evangelists.
John Smith: Head of accounts (and the community room Smile

) for TOG.
Fickle missionary for TOG, based in Accra.
Evangelist Henry: Head of the evangelist safari.

Date Begun: April 5, 2006

Finished: Unfinished

Quote:

From: Father Ted
To: pastormicharel
Date: Apr 5

Dear Pastor Mitch,

I hope you and your people are well and holding up under the
circumstances. I was saddened by the contents of your email. How can
people be so unkind?

Let me introduce myself, I'm Father Ted Bundy, and I run a parish in
Seattle USA, the church of the . I passed your email
round for consideration amongst the congregation and we have agreed
that we would like to come to you aid. You would not have to pay this
money back, but you would have to join our church.

Please send my some more information on how to help.

God Bless

Father Ted Bundy
Church of the
415 Streak way, Seatlle, USA 98119
(206) 339 2969

Quote:

From: Pastor Mitch Paul
Subject: YOU ARE GOD SAINT!!
to me
Date: Apr 5

Dear Father Ted ,
Thanks you so much for your mail, Pastor Micharel Uyi in Nigeria forwarded it back to me. I 'm so happy about your generous response. I want you to know that the Lord will bless you richly as you and your congregation have choosen to help save the life of Pastor Gabriel Adebayo.
About joining your church it will be my pleasured in has far is a living church of Christ. You can contact me on my personal yahoomail box ([email protected]) Once again thank you and God blees.

This are the informations you will need for the western union money transfer or Money gram.
Micharel Uyi Ediae
21 Balo street
off GRA road
Kaduna
Nigeria.
Email:[email protected]

My kind regards
Pastor Mitch Paul.

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Pastor Micharel
Date: Apr 7

Dear Pastor Mitch,

Thank you so much for your reply.

I am very excited that we are soon to have ew members from your
country, indeed, so far we have no members at all in your area and we
would be thrilled if you are able to help spread the word about our
ministry there.

As you have requested, the induction information is as follows. Please
take care to follow the procedures very carefully. The four church
board members will decide on your donation amount which depends on how
strictly you have kept to our procedure.

You can get the tattoo wherever on your body you wish (most popular places are chest and back), and the size is up to you.
However, the size of the tattoo and thus your commitment to the church will affect your payment. That is to say, the larger the
tattoo the greater the size of the donation.

As long as you follow the design, which a good tattoo artist can do easily, you will have no problem. I have attached a photo ofa recent inductee. You will notice however, that he has a different design. This was the old design, we have since changed it but I have no new photos on file for you. The young man in question recieved $134,000 for his cause to help spread the word of the church and because he was so devoted.

It is also important that you document the process carefully with large, clear photos. You must have 7-12 photos of each stage of the tattooing and from different angles then 24 hours after the completion and a full body shot for indentification. The reason you must be thorogh is so the church board has proof that it is real - we have had peole try to use fake ones in the past, and this way we can remove doubt from the equation.

I have attached an image of the church insignia that is to be used. I
can explain the significance of the insignia in more depth at a later
stage if you wish. But here is a brief history: The Church was
founded by Father Peter Hunter in 1876 under christian law - this
accounts for the 'by s law' - with the 'Christian' being abbreviated
over time to an S. The pawn3d is ancient greek meaing 'to own' - or
in otherwise to be owned by god. The hook symbol is used to represent
the love of jesus and his ability to produce fish. You have seen the
jesus fish? This is a similar reference.

I hope that explains things clearly to you brother, and if you have
any questions please feel free to contact me any time.

Please also let me know by what means you would prefer the donation
payment to be made.
God be with you,

Father Ted Bundy
Accounts

Quote:

From: Pastor Mitch Paul
to me
Date: Apr 8

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your mail, i want to let you know that 3 district pastors from Nigeria and 2 members have show interest in joining your church and they want a sample of the tattoo drawing on any of your members body, so that they should be no mistake in drawing.
Bless Sincerely
Pastor Mitch Paul.

Quote:

From: Father Ted
To Pastor Micharel
Date: Aprill 22

Dear Pastor Mitch,

How are you today? Just a small note to see how you are progressing
with your induction(s)?An update would be greatly appreciated, as all
us here are extremely keen to welcome youinto our congregation.

If you have changed your mind or are uncertain regarding the detials
of the induction don't
hesitate to contact me. We have many new inductees on the waiting
list in your region who
are below you on the list, and we would like to give them a place if
you decide not to join. Moreover, it does take some time to prepare
the transfer of the donation (being such a large amount of money).
Therefore, it would be adventageous to all involved if you were to let
us know whether you intend to join and what date you forsee the
completion of the induction.

Good luck to you all and God Bless,

Father Ted Bundy
Church of the

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: Apr 23

Dear Father Ted,
How are you?, I'm sorry for the delay in miitting up with your church demands, It's due to none availability of a tattoo specialist in my state.
Thank God he has finally arrival, so by tuesday or wednesday i will send you the pictures of my tattoo for your committee members to verify so that the rest of my members can proceed
Thanks for your understandering and remain bless in the Lord.
My sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

Micharel Uyi
to me
More options Apr 25
Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your mail, I have attached the pictures of the induction tattoos. It was not easy in geting a tattoorist, the pains was much, but all the same thank God it was successful. The tattoorist have assured that it will last forever. About the rest pastors and the 2 members you will get it as soon as it's done. Once again thanks for everything and remain blessed.

My sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

<img src ="http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h316/parsleyt/INDU2.jpg" width="600">

Lots of 'blood', but the tattoo already looks healed!

Is that a box of markers beside the fan?

<a href="http://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i67.photobucket.com/albums/h316/parsleyt/induone.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting"></a>

The pastor looks wistfully off into the distance, dreaming of large Western Union transfers. (notice the design pinned on the rear wall)

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Micharel
Date: Apr 25

Dear Micharel,

Did you read the induction agreement? It clearly states the we
require HIGH QAULITY, LARGE photos - of different angles and photos
of the tattoing process. The photos you supplies are very poor
qaulity. It will be very hard for the board to agree that this tattoo
is real. The resolution and size are poor and there are no photos of
the process of the tattoo being applied. (One photo shows a gun
pointed at the tattoo but is inconclusive.)

It is impossible to tell from the photos wether the tattoo is real, so
unless you have other photos that would prove to the church that you
followed the agreement to the satisfaction of the church. You will
have to get it redone - and it must be done in a different location -
this is very important. I suggest a much larger tattoo on the chest
or back and this time thorough documentation with clear photographs
that prove to the baord the tatto is real.

MAKE SURE YOU INFORM THE OTHERS who wish to join that we cannot accept
such poor qaulity photographs, and such a few number of them. Most
inductees submit 12 photos of high qaulity showing the various stages
of the tattoo being applied and the healing 24 hours later.

We do not want to waste anybodies time so you must make sure the
others READ THE AGREEMENT FORM VERY CAREFULL:

I have attached the induction prodcedure for you again.

Quote:

From:Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: Apr 26

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your mail, Like i earlier told you there are no tattoo specialist or tattoonist in my state. That was the best we can get over here. Please there is anything you can do to support us please advise.

my sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Micharel
DAte: Apr 28

Dear pastor macheral,

How are you? I'm sorry to hear of your financial problems. However,
it is church policy not to assist with the induction process prior to
initiation. We have helped several souls in the past with monetary
loans and they turned out to be dishonest and brutal. I hope you
understand, I would like to help you, but my church has strict
guidlines that I must follow.

We will reimburse inductees up to the amount of $10,000 dollars from any
cost incured during the induction process - pending a reciept of the
job and approval by the church board.
Moreover, donations are typically paid swfitly proceeding initiation
so you would not be ill-advised to solicit a loan from a friend or
family member knowing that you will be good for recompense shortly
after the borrowing of the money.

If you sadly, decide you will not be able to participate in our
church, please let me immediately so we can give your place to another
poor soul who needs assistance. We have many from you area who are
emailing us daily with their plea's.

Thankyou and God Bless

Father Ted Bundy
Church of The Gunterlipoman

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: Apr 28

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your reply, we are still very interested in joining your church, please don't give out our place to any poor soul as you stated, Please by tuesday 9 may 2006 to Friday 12 of may, i will send you all the pictures of the tattoo inductee for your committee members with a proper documentary pictures.
Thanks for your understandering and remain bless in the Lord.
My sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: May 11

Dear Father Ted,
Calvary greeating in the name our Lord, How are you and your family?. I'm sorry we could met up with the fund for the tattoo induction, so far we have able to raise US$2,500, i very sorry you can give out the chance to someone else. But i want to let you know that we are still very much interested in joining your church, if you can still help us out. Thanks and remain bless.

Sincerely regards

Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Micharel
Date: May 11

Dear Micharel,

We're currentl donating to various people and charities, so I don't
know if i can help you with an alternative induction. Perhaps contact
me in two weeks and I'll let you know if there's a spot available.

Thankyou

Father Ted.

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:16 pm

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: May 18

Dear Father Ted,
Greeting in the name of the Lord, How are you and the family?. Please let me know the position of things as regards to your last mail you sent me, We are waiting for your response.

My Sincerely regards

Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Micharel
Date: May 18

Dear Micharel,

I told you to email me in two weeks. It has only been 6 days.

because you have forfited your other induction, you have been placed
at the bottom of the list.

I will know in a week or so if you will be elligable for an
alternative initiation.

Either I will email you or you can email me in 7 days.

God Bless,

Father Ted

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Micharel
DAte: May 23

Dear Micharel Uyi,

I have spoken with the pastors and I think I can help you.

You can join the church of the if you are willing to be baptised into our church using an age old ritual invented and utilised by our patron saint Bartholemew Slaw. Because you cannot complete the full induction, we can only offer a small donation, which will be around $10,000-20,000 depending on how well you complete the baptism.

The baptism must be photographed (large and clear photos - at least 6) - and you will need a helper to administer the baptism. There must also be a sign that says: "SLAW IS MY NEW GOD" Hung prominenetly in the room of the baptism and should be in at least 2 of the photos.

The baptsim itself is as follows:

First you must shed all clothes and material possesions. You must then lie down and have your helper cover your entire body in milk. This is a cleanising ritual that with purify your soul and make you ready for Jesus to accept you into our church. The helper must then break an egg ontop of each you eyes (which you should obviously have closed). You must stay like this for 10-15 mins in contemplation and prayer.

And that's it. Pretty simple really. You must make sure to take proper closelup and lonshots of the whole ceremony so that the church can verify the baptism has been carried out correctly. Once the the church has verified the photos you will be shipped/mailed/transfered your donation according to your choice.

Let me know, and be quick.

God Bless,

Father Ted

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: May 23

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today?. Thanks so much for your mail, please what kind of milk are we going to use, will it be total nakerness, hope you know that we are 5 members from the church that are interested in this iniation ritual.
Thanks and remain bless.

Sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi.

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Micharel
Date: May 23

Dear Micharel,

I quite well, how are you? Five people is fine, but you must be sure
that they if you all carry out the baptism as a group you must each
follow the instructions and have proper documentation of each person
peforming the ritual. Any member who does not provide clear and large
photos of him/her carrying out the steps, may have their payment
delayed or denied.

Any milk is fine, preferabbly goat milk. And you must be completley
stripped of material possesions, so yes, completely nude.

God Bless

FatherTed.

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: May 26
Dear Father Ted,
Calvary greeting in the name of our Lord, How are you today?. Please be expecting the iniation photogragh by monday the 29/05/2006. Thanks and remain bless.

Sincerely Regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: May 30

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today?. I'm very sorry to inform you that there is a little delay about the iniation photographs, the photos was not clear enough, so we have to repeat the process again. But hopefully i will send the photograph tomorrow. Thanks and remain bless.

Sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: May 31

Dear Father Ted,
Thank you so far for every thing, here are the photographs, We are now 4 members that went through the iniation baptizm, one of the members is not arround for now. Please do send me your phone number. Thanks and God bless. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:26 pm

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Micharel
Date: May 31

Dear Micharel,

Thankyou for your email and the photos contained therein. Superb
work! You've all shown yourselves to be truly dedicated
and I'm more than sure that the church, and god for
that matter, will look upon fortuitisly.

I have printed the photos and will show them to the church board
tommorow and then I will go to accounts to organise your donations.

Would you prefer one lump sum, or do you want individual payments?
Also, what is your preffered method of payment? We can arrange to
accomodate most methods.

I will get back to you after I have meet with the other pastors to
determine your donation amount.

My phone number is 1-347-328-6809. I'm very busy this time of the
year so I find it hard to get to my chambers and be by the phone. If
I don't answer, be sure to leave a message.

God Bless and Well done.

Father Ted.

Quote:

From: Pastor Micharel
to me
Date: Jun 2

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for the appreciation email you sent me about the photos, how are you today?, please all the fund will be send through Western Union Money Transfer to our treasurer in England!, Rev. Joyce Micheal, he is our treasurer in our headquarter in England, he can then remit it back to us here in Nigeria, i assured you that the money is very safe, because the church audit how much expenditure and funds receives, and also how much spent. Please let know when you are ready to send the donation so that i can send you the full contact of Rev. Joyce Micheal. Thanks and remain bless.

Sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Dare: Jun 3

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today and the entire church board?. I have not heard from you, I hope all is well. I sent an email yesterday about the payment transaction, i hope you received the mail. I'm looking forward to a hearing from you as soon as possible. Thanks and God bless.

Sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Micharel
Date: Jun 3

Dear Micahrel,

We had a small fire in the pastor's chambers yesterday. Noboddy is
hurt, but several off the vestements and a bag of fat-free sacrement
perished in the blaze. Nothing to worry about, you understand, it
certainly won't affect our widely girthed pocketbook, but it has
caused some confusion around here the last few days. I'll hope you
forgive me for the delay. I will take your inductions photos to the
board tomorrow and you will have my response in 24 hours.

God Bless.

Quote:

From: Pastor Micharel
to me
Date: Jun 4

Dear Father Ted,
We are very sorry about the fire incedent that happened, i hope the fire didnot burnt many important documentary of the Church. Thanks and remain bless.

Kinds regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:32 pm

Quote:

From: Father Ted
To: Pastor Micharel

Dear Micharel,

How are you? Thankyou for your letter and your concern.
Fortuneately, no improtant documents were destroyed in the blaze. We
have replaced the vestements and the crackers and everything is
essentialy back to status-qoe.

I meet with the church board yesterday. Good news! They have
aprroved your induction and you have been awarded $37,000 per new
member. $148,000 to be distributed equally amongst you.
Congratualtions and I hope it makes a marked improvement in your life and the life of those around you.

Unfortuneatly, in my haste, I sent you the wrong induction agreement
the needed to be filled out. The one I sent you was the old one. The
new one (which I have attached as a .PDF file.) needs to be printed,
completed and returned to me via email before I can send your money.

It has a general questionairre and some spirtual related questions.
Please be diligent in answering it properly, it shouldn't take you
long. As soon as I recieve it I will be in a position to transfer
your money immediately. One question that the form does not include
is whether you would like your payment in one lump sum or the
individual portions of $37,000?

Let me know.

God Bless

Father Ted.

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: Jun 8

Dear Father Ted,
Thank you very much for your wonderful assitance so far, and for increasing the amount of the donation, we are so gratefull, May the mighty hand of the heavenly father rest upon your life and continue bless you and the entire church members of the Holy Church of the in Jesus name 'Amen'.
How are you today?. I'm sorry for the little delay in returning the questionairre forms, it was due to Church work and our computer system here was down and it was too slow in downloading documents. I'm sorry for the delay my yahoomail box was unable to attached the document because of the size, i have to used some alternative boxes that i know but they are not responding, i will try get back to you before end of the day. If you can invite me on your Gmail box i will be gratefull.

Sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: Jun 12

Dear Father Ted,
How are you and the entire board council of the Curch?. We are fine here, Just that there was a serious Rainfall here follow by a strikeout Thunder on friday that affect our computer server system, that caused our delay, ever now they are still working on it. I will try to make sure i send you the forms later today. Thank for your concerned and patience. Have a blissfull day.
Kindest regards
Pastor Micharel

Quote:

From: Pastor Micharel

Dear Father Ted,
Thank you very much for your wonderful assitance, There are
the membership questionairre forms. May God's almight hand rest upon
your life and continue bless you and the entire church members of the
Holy Church of the in Jesus name 'Amen'.
I'm sorry for the little delay in returning the questionairre
forms, also i'm sorry i have to use another alternative box, because
yahoo was unable to attached the document fast because of the sizes.
About the payment, you are to transfer all the donation to an
account in London in care of Rev.Joyce Michael. Please after the
transfer is completed send me the payment slip for comfirmation. Below
is the account informations you are to wired the transfer to;

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:38 pm

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to: pastor micharel

Dear Micharel,

You are too kind. God Bless.

Thankyou for sending me the forms, they were well recieved. Unfortuneately, the church board was not impressed. Which is a shame because you did such a good job on your induction ceremony. Firstly, each person was supposed to fill out the form according to their own will with their own individual answers. It's quite obvious that you all copied each other. Furthermore, the board found your answers, while quite honest and intelligent; rambunctiouos, impudent, combatative and down right blasphemous.

It was not your position to question the vaildity of the forms and their relevance to you - you were simply to fill in the questions to the best of your ability.

Suffice it to say, the church board was furious and threatened to completely cut you off from the church. I quickly stepped in and mollified the situation. I told them that you were good people with basically good intentions and that your folly was not intentional. This seemed to calm them down. Which was lucky because they had become dangerously excited, and when that happens there's no telling what can happen.

Now, the question is, where do we go from here? We could re-do the forms, but I think that would be a perillous undertaking, with too many possiiblites for slighting the board again - which would be fatal mistake: for both us, because I have vouced for you now. Any affront to the church on your part is on my shoulders, so we must tread lightly.

The church board are avid pig farmers and lovers of animals. What I suggest you do to curry their favour is to have your pictures taken embracing warmly with a farm animal(s), preferrably a pig.
By sending me a nice, clear, high qaulity photo as described above I'm %100 sure we can secure your place in the church without any further trouble. Really, this is the simplest solution.

I hope you don't feel this is too much to ask. You will recall that I mentioned that once you have been awarded your donation you will not have any obligations whatsoever, so I hope you can comply graciously.

Yours in faith,

Father Ted.

Quote:

From: Micharel Uyi
to me
Date: Jun 15

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for interceding on our behalf, We are sorry that some of the answers have to look the same, we thought that it will be ok by you and your Church board, we are really sorry about that.
About the photograph you ask to be taken with an animal, will my photo alone covers the rest members?, or it's going to be a group photograph?.
Please know that we pleadge our sincere loyalty to the Holy Church of the . We hope everything will be ok after this.

Sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to Micharel
Date: Jun 15

Dear Micharel,

Thankyou for your most recent mail. I was happy to intercede for you. You've basically done everything right, but the church board are a picky bunch you see. Which is somewhat understandable considering the volume of the pleas and solicitations they recieve each day - a pragmatic attitude it the only way they know how to deal with it. There is no doubt in my mind you are all excellent christians with loving hearts, so as long I have some control over your case, everything will be fine.

Anyhow, there will be nothing else do once you have returned to me the photo. Your membership will be completely secured, no question about it. You should have the group in the photo, and make sure you embrace the animal - don't hurt it of course! - but having it sort of wandering off in the background won't look very good.

I'm sure you'll do a great job. I can't wait to welcome you into the church and call you brother.

Now, I noticed on your froms you requested as you preferred payment method, a money transfer. Do you wish to have the reciept emailed to you or would you prefer a hardcopy sent in the standard mail for tax keeping purposes? The man in accountants told me to ask you.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Your Brother,

Father Ted

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
Date: Jun 17

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your last mail, here is the group picture with the pigs, It was fun spending time with pigs, it was another good experience, the pigs were very friendly.
About the payment slip or reciept i would prefer you send it to me by email. Thank you so much for everything, May God continue to bless you abundantly and richly, and the entire Church of the Holy Church of the in Jesus mighty name 'Amen'. I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible.

Remain bless
Pastor Micharel

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:43 pm

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to pastormicharel
Date: Jun 17

Dear Pastor Micharel,

Many thanks for your recent email. The photo was well recieved and
the entire church board was thrilled by your thoughtful gesture. Your
devotion and willingness has not gone unoticed!

However, there is something I need to discuss with you Pastor Micharel. This morning I was contacted by an anonymous gentlemen, who
said he had some information I might be interested in. He went on to
tell me that he worked for a national church administration and the he
was privvy to certain records regarding churches here in the USA and
in Canada.

It appears my church is not only church you have joined? The
anonymous gentlemen this morning faxed me a writ of indeture from the
located in Canada - and it has your
signature all over it.

Now, it's not my position to say which churches you can and can't
join, and I do believe you are good chrisitan folk who are genuine in
your appeal. That being said, according to the writ of indeture you
have signed your name to uphold principles of polygamy, bigomy and
multiple marriage prior to joining the church of guntherlipoman.
Again, we consider ourselves here at the church opened minded
individuals and it would not be my place to codemn or condone such
beliefs, but because you did sign the agreement prior to signing our
agreement (13.04.06) your induction, by chrisitan law, must be
declared void.

I have not informed the board yet, nor have I informed the And I don't intend to if we can correct this matter; but youdo need to work promplty and efficiently with me on this matter so Iam not forced to make the matter public. I hope you understand my
position.

What I suggest we do, is repeat the induction ceremony. I will tell
the board that you felt your first induction did not properly cleanse
your spirits sufficiently and that you wish to complete our cleanising
ceremony. The cleanising ceremony doubles as induction ceremony under
the laws of the church and once completed it can be filed away and we
can avoid any unpleasentries that might arise if we had to go public
with this.

The instructions for the cleansing ceremony are as follows: (Every
member wishing to join must complete the ceremony)

The ceremony is an ancient ritual devised by the founding fathers of
the church who lived
on islands on the coast of spain circa 1780. It's a paean, both to
jesus and island ife.

For each person a coconut must be found, and cut into two. The milk
from the coconut should be carefully extracted while disecting the
coconut as it is to be used in the ceremony.
(Cutting the coconut over a bowl is advised.)

The person begins the ceremony by placing one coconut half on each
ear. This is to sybolise the blocking of ill-advised words and
untruthfulness. A helper must then stand behind the church member and
pour the coconut milk slowly over the members head. The member should
shout/rejoice/make loud praises to god at this point to ward away all
temptations and negetive influence.

Similar to your initial induction, it's important to document the
ceremony clearly with high-qaulity photographs, and for this
particular ceremony - I strongly advise you to get shots of the moment
when the milk is poured over the head and the member is rejoicing -
because really, that's the most important part.

Thankyou pastor micharel and I hope you understand my position and why
we have to do the things we're doing. I really don't want to go to
the board unless I have to, and if we get this done, we don't have to.
Furthermore, I don't want to jeopordise your relationship with the
, as I know thier assistance is also
important to you.

Please get back to me as soon as possible,

God Bless and Keep,

Father Ted.

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to me
Date: Jun 19

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today,I received your email and it was a suprise to me, when you said that someone forwarded my signature to you concerning joining of a Church in Canada. Although that ascept of the signature were sign by me, but at that time i was not the one who filled out their form.
The forms were fill by the pastor that was heading the church at that time, and this pastor has already posted to another ministry, and i was the next pastor to take that possition that was the reason he was using my name to fill such form on my behalf, he called me to sign in my signature, because he has just a month and some days to live the office.
On my full arrival we later find out that the Church in Canada was not a Bible believing church due to their beliefs most especially in the area of polygamy, bigamy and
multiple marriage. So we have to stop contacting them.
If you don't believe me, please contact the person that give you the information to please forward to you the pastor picture of iniation and he should also send you his phone number to conform the truth.
About the donation you promise to give us, i want you to know that if you insist not to give it again because of what someone sent to you it's ok by us. And i want you to know that the Church of the Holy Church of the is a true bible believing church and also you are a God fearing and a believer in God word.
Please note that no of us took part in any induction ritual of that Church in Canada, so the church did not see any reason for the cleansing ceremony again. Thanks for your understanding and remain bless.

Sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to pastormicharel
Date: Jun 19

Dear Pastor Micharel,

I am well, how are you and your people?

I have understood your position, principally that it may not have been
that completed the initiation. But you must understand your signature
- and it is your signature - is plastered all over that agreement!
Listen here Pastor Micharel, you will recieve your donation, I can
promise you that. I'm not about to deny you your donation on some
spurious grounds or ridiculous technicalities. However, by LAW, I
simply can't admit you to the church unless you complete an induction
in the correct legal manner, and the only way we can do that is if you
go ahead with the cleansing ceremony.

After all the work you and I have have done to get this far, do you
really want to drop the baton now, when we're at this last final
hurdle? All you need to do is finish this last requirement and then I
will personally see to it that your money is transferred as soon as I
recieve the documentation. I can do this because, as I explained, we
will not be going through the church board. I will file away the
documents and process your donation. It should take no more than 24
hours.

Now, if you decide you really do not wish to complete the final stage
of the induction, I will have no choice but to inform the board of the
situation - because I could lose my position as pastor and possibly
face a very serious fine if I were to submit your original - and now
invalid - induction.

That is why I urge you to work with me on this. If we have to
approach the board I have no idea what might happen. They may throw
the thing completely out the window and we will have no action of
recourse left.

Please think carefully about this, I'm in your corner pastor.

God Bless

Father Ted

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to me
Date: Jun 20
Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your mail, we will proceed with the photograph you ask to be taken for the cleanseing ceremony, I want to know if my photographs alone covers the rest members?.
Know that we sincerely loyal to the Holy Church of the . We hope everything will be fine now after this. I will send the pictures as soon as possible i am through with the ceremony.

Sincerely regards
Pastor Micharel

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 2:56 pm

Quote:

From: Father Ted
date: Jun 20

Dear Pastor Micharel,

Thanks for your most recent mail. Your dilligence has not gone unnoticed.

All four members will have to complete the ceremony if they wish to recieve donations.
I thank you earnestly for your loyalty and you have my solemn word as a man of
god that as soon as I recieve the documentation I will personally oversee the transfer
and we can welcome as full and complete members of the Guntherlipoman church.

Take Care and God Bless,

Father Ted.

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to me
Date: Jun 22

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks very much for your wonderful assitance so far, Here are the photographs for the cleanseing ceremony. Please below is the Bank information you are to transfer the donation to,rether than this account do not transfer money into any other account, because some time back our church computer server was hack by unknow computer hackers trying to divert funds meet for the church.
Many thanks to the entire Church of the Holy Church of the . You are all Bless in Jesus mighty name 'Amen'.

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to pastormicharel
Date: Jun 22

Dear Pastor Micharel,

God Bless! No need to thank me. I enjoy helping others out and you have all proven to be incredibly trustworthy
and dedicated young men. Many thanks to you and may god praise you.

Thankyou for the photos of the cleanisng ceremony, you did a fabulous job as usual. Each of you
is now a fully-fledged and legal member of the church of the Well done.
Some of the girls in the congregation used our church board to offer you a little welcome. (please see photo attached.)

Now, I've been to see the accountant and we've tried to transfer yor money. We tried transfering the money to
the bank accountant you provided, however it came up on the computer that the bank account had been 'flagged.'
I'm not expert, and I have no idea what that means, but why accountant told me the church was not allowed to
transfer the money to that accountant. This is also includes any transfers -such as Western union, MoneyGram etc-
regarding your account.

Usuallly, the only action of recourse we would have would be to fly you over to the USA to collect the money.
As you might understand, we must take great precaution and preparation in dealing with such large sums of money.
I'm sure you can appreciate that. Luckily, however, we have missionaries working all over the world who have access to
donation money. Let me know your approximate region and I will try and setup a missionary to meet you to hand the money
over. You would recieve the money in cash, I hope this would not be a problem.

Get back to me shortly, thanks.

Father Ted.

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to me
Date: Jun 23

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for recent email, i receive your email after then i called Rev Joyce micheal in London, on phone and i explained to him what you said concerning the account, that it was flagged!, so Father Ted sending a missionaries to us will be a stress, Please i advice that you should go ahead to sending the money through western union money transfer or money gram, Which is fast and reliable and also cheap, that i believe will be comfortable for now, be rest assured that it will be very safe and convenience in sending this donation to Rev Joyce Micheal in England. There were no photo attached in your last message.
Please you have to send money in 2 batches, the first batch should be US$80,000, while the second batch should be send after 24 hours. After sending the money you have to send to me the M.T.C.N number and also if there is any questions asked and also answer. Below is the information needed for the sending;
Name: Rev.Joyce Micheal
ADDRESS: 83 Canning Street
New Castle Upon-tyne
Manchester, England.
United Kingdom.

My Sincere regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to pastormicharel
Date: Jun 23

Dear Pastor Micharel,

I hope everything is well where you are. Thanks for your email, I forgot to attach the photo of the welcome sign in my previous email, I hope it finds you well this time. I have spoken to my accountant and he has told me that we cannot send via Western Union or moneygram for legal reasons and therefore they only way we can do this now, is either you travel here to the USA (at our expense) or we send a missionary to meet you.

This would not be such a difficult undertaking as you would suppose and as at this point I believe it would the easiest for everybody invovled. Are you located in the UK? We currently have several missionaries working in Europe, and we could arrange a meeting very quickly. Let me know what you think.

Also, I have a favour to ask you. We have a large board in the community room of the church with photos of all our members. All our members are asked to supply us with a photo of themselves posing with their favourite item in the world so everyone can know everyone else and what they enjoy. For instance, my photo on the board is of me holding my badminton racquet (because I love to play badminton) and others are holding things like video games or gardening equipment, well, you get the idea. It's quite fun and everyone seems to enjoy both the making of the photos and reading the board. Please send me your four seperate photos as described above so I can add them to the board. I will then take a photo of the board and send it you so you can know all of our congregation by face!

Get back to me soon,

God bless and keep you,

Father Ted.

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 3:05 pm

Quote:

from: pastormicharel
to me
Date: Jun 23

Dear Father Ted,
Thank you for your recent email, we are ok here. We have got comfirmation from the Bank in London, That the account i gave to you is very ok, The church have been receiving funds from that account. Please the Church insist that you should go ahead to transfer the money into the account.
Sending down the missionary with such an amount of money will not be ok, because of our Government policy here. Please try and use that account in London for security reasons. If that be the case send the money in 4 batches,i.e, try the account with like US$20,000 first and send me the payment slip, when we receive it before you can proceed with the rest transfer. Thanks for your effort and understanding. Remain bless.

Kindest regards
Pastor Micharel

Quote:

From: John Smith
to pastormicharel
Date: Jun 23

Micharel,

My name's pastor john and I'm a pastor at the church of the I got your email from Father Ted's computer and I thought I would send you a message to see what was going. You may or may not know, but I also run the accounts department here at the church, alongside organisation of the church communtiy room.

Father Ted does not know that I have contacted you and I think it's best that you don't tell him.

I ran your account by several sources and it has been flagged by an association who I can't tell you the name of though, they are concerned with something called the 419 fighters. Please don't try to argue with me on that fact - it is quite pointless. Now, I don't know what your business is or what you do, and really that's no my place to say and I'm not interested. If Father Ted is convinced you are good people then that's fine be me.

What I need from you if you want me co-operation in not alerting Father Ted is to make his life as easy as possible. You must agree to have your donation delivered. If you keep pushing for the account your furnished us with to be used, I will have no choice but to inform Father Ted of the knowledge I posses and recommend he sever all communication with you. I will also need you to go ahead and make those four photos Father Ted requested of you in his last email for my community room. You have to do this anyway, but I need you to do it as soon as possible. Also, and I don't know whether father Ted meniton this, but you must make sure there is a visible sign in the photo (or perhaps as large background) that reads ( C.U.N.T) which stands for creating unbridled new trust - which is the motto of our community room.

If I think you're trying to fool me, convince father ted to use your bank, or delay in sending the photos I will immediately go to Father Ted and the church board and make my reccomendations. I hope you do the right thing and everyone will do just fine.

Pastor John Smith

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to: John Smith
Date: Jun 23

Dear Pastor John ,
Thank you very much, I'm sorry, i was just about to send this message to Father Ted, when i received your email, that i got an email now from London that the account i give to him before is presently can not receive funds due to some problems i don't understand. Please i advise to stop the transfer to that account. The church will come up with an option later, I will give another account as soon possible.

Kindest regards
Pastor Micharel

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to: Father Ted
Date: Jun 23

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today?,I'm sorry, i got an email now from London that the account i give to you before is presently cannot receive funds due to some problems i don't understand. Please i advise you to stop the transfer to that account.The Church will come up with a good option later. I will send you another account as soon as possible.

Kindest regards
Pastor Micharel

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to pastormicharel
More options Jun 24
Dear Micharel,

Thankyou for your mail, I'm well thankyou, how are you? I hope you are well and blessed by god; afterall you are now a member of the church so we all pray for you! I've understood what you've talked about vis-a-vis, your bank account and the transfer.

However, you must realise, now that we've had this trouble I cannot transfer the money to you via a standard bank account. I simply can't do it for legal reasons. You don't seem to have clearly understood my last email, because I did explain this. Sending me another bank account will be of no use to me. You have a choice: you can either meet with one of the church workers in your area or you can travel here to collect the money.

I think I'm being more that fair and I hope you don't feel like I'm making things difficult for you. If you could let me know exactly which of the two options you wish to persue that would be great. Hope everything is well and that you're spreading the word of the .

Good day and God Bless,

Father Ted.

Quote:

From:John Smith
to pastormicharel
Date: Jun 24

Pastor Micharel,

Where are those photos I asked for? Perhaps you forget the position your in. I advise you to re-read my previous emial. You have very few bargaining chips. I read your email and I'm glad you did the right thing in regards to the account. As soon as I recieve the photos I will advise Father Ted to send the missionary.

I will tell Father Ted I am waiting on something esle but you better not take too long. Be quick.

Pastor John Smith

Quote:

from: pastormicharel
to me
Date: Jun 24

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today and the rest members of the Church, Please extend my greetings to the women for their wonderful presentation wellcome giving to us, we appreciate it very much, they are all bless in Jesus mighty name. We have a meeting here yesterday and the church council agreed on using a company account here that belongs to a member here. Because the church account cannot receive that amount of money due to money laundary laws in our country.
About sending the missionary to us, we would have prefer that, but because of this same money laundary law, the country will not alow any body to hold an amount more than US$10,000 into the country, so that may not be possible. And that also affect my coming down to the USA to bring the money in cash. So please try and understand us. But, if you insist, we will prefer your missionary to hand over the money to us here, and such money will go to the Church headquarter in Benin city, Edo State.
Please let me know either to send you the accounts or when your mossionary will arriaved here. About the pictures you ask, you will get that as soon as possible.
Thanks and Remain bless.

kindest regards.
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to pastormicharel
Date: Jun 25

Dear Pastor Micharel,

Sorry for the delay in replying. As you know, sunday is always a busy day when you're the pastor of a church! I just arrived home and I'm having a cup of tea and reading my emails.

I see what your saying about the bank account. Given all that information, I think it would be best to send a missionary. We have carte blanche in your area from the govermnent, because we are listed as a charity aid and a religious organisation we are exempt from any money laundering laws which may apply to individuals, so don't worry about.

I will contact the pastor in your area shortly and arrange the meeting. Speak to you soon,

God Bless

Father Ted

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 3:20 pm

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to me
date: Jun 27

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your email, how are you today?. Here are the photographs you ask for, Please let know when the missionary will be coming and how many of them?.
Thanks so much and may God continue to bless the entire Church.

Sincere regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From Father Ted
Date: 27 Jun
Subject: Re: Remain blessed!!!

Dear Pastor Micharel,

Thankyou for your email and the photos. I have given them to pastor smith and he was particulary please and has hung them up
in the recreational room along with the other member's photos.

I have contacted all the missionaries in africa and the closest one to Benin City, is Pastor Egon Tone, who is currently located in Accra, Ghana. For the next three months or so he is tied down with work and cannot leave the area. You will have to travel to Accra to collect the money. Naturally, the church will cover your travel expeditures and you will be issued recompense when you arrive in Accra (which will be added to your donation.) You just need to collect reciepts and email me as you go and when you arrive in Accra so I can make confirmation and alert my accoutant.

The pastor is staying at La Palm Royal Beach Hotel No. 1 Bypass - Accra - Osu, Ghana. Suite 306. His email address is [email protected], and his phone number is 1-347-424-4916. This is his ghana number, which is his US phone on redirection, you understand. I have organised for you money - which totals - $137,000 + (travel expenses) to be given to you in a secure locked briefcase. We can arrange for a security escort back to Benin City if you choose, those this could be rather costly and probably unnecessary.

Let me, and Pastor Egon, know when you will be arriving so we can set everything up to run smoothly.

Thanks and God Bless,

Father Ted

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to me
Date Jun 28

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your email, how are you today?.According to last email, you said we should travel to Accra, Ghana to collect the money, please we need your assitance in the area of expenses now to travel to Ghana.Please we asking you to assit us with US$1,000, because we cannot rise the total amount of the air fee now in the Church account. For any one that is going to Accra need an ECOWAS passport and some important document.
Please know that we cannot still bring the money in cash into our Country due money laundering laws here, so we are going there with 2 Bank accounts to transfer the money in, before coming back to Nigeria, Please let Pastor Egon know about this or what did you suggest?. We will like to see others member's photographs in our Church here.

Please send the US$1,000 to my information through Western Union Money Transfer.

Kindest regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to pastormicharel
Date: Jun 28

Dear Pastor Micharel,

Thankyou for you email. Unfortuneately we can't send any money to you before you become a church member. There is a strict church protocol tha forbids both church and personal transfer to non-members. The reasons I won't go into, but let's just say we've had trouble in the past with those who wish to take advantage.

Furthermore, we cannot send anything by way of the details you gave us - or might give us - due to legal reasons, otherwise we would have sent the entire amount by that method, you see.

You should email or phone pastor egon before leave to let him know when you will be arriving so he can make sure he's ready for you.

God Bless,

Father Ted

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to me
Date: Jun 30

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today, and the entire members of the Church?. Please our Church treasurer is not arround for now, this cause a little delay in traveling, But hopefully by Monday or Tuesday we will be in Accra, Ghana.
The Church is sending another pastor along with Evang. Henry Igbinosu and Brother. Olu Alaba. Please let me know if there is any identification materials needed to present to Pastor Egon Tone when they get to Accra?.

Kindest regards
Pastor Micharel

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to pastormicharel
Date: Jun 30

Dear Pastor Micharel,

Hello, I and the church are well. How's things for you? Perhaps, just some personal idenitification, will be all you will need to present to Pastor Egon. He knows you are coming so I don't think there will be any confusion.

The only other thing I need you to do is to email me, or get one of the others who is travelling, to email me before they leave and then whenever they can after they leave, and when they arrive in ghana - all from the same address. They will also need to collect any reciepts along they way. This is for tax purposes and so the church can reimburse you for your expenses. It's very important and you must be dilligent about it.

Other than that I think everything should be fine. God Bless,

Father Ted

http://members.419eater.com/~slaw99/linesopen.wav

Quote:

From: Pastor Egon
to pastormicharel
Date: Jul 1

Pastor Micharel,

Egon Tost here, how thing's?

I recieved your voice message and I will expect your arrival on Monday or Tuesday. I'm had my phone offbecause I been working my hotel room and quite frankly I find the incessant ring of the phone irritating.

I trust you have all the details. Here is my address again, just in case:

Suite 306
La Palm Royal Beach Hotel
No. 1 Bypass
Accra - Osu, Ghana

Just go straight to the hotel and ask for me by name at the recpetion and will join you. If you have
any problems I will endevour to come my phone on.

Where are you travelling from? And how are you travelling Would it be possible for you to let me
know roughly what time you will be arriving so I can preparee everything. When you arrive you will
need to sign a release waiver and you will need to be careful travelling with so much money. I
'm sure I don't need to tell you that though. I'm sure as long as you remain inconspicious, there
won't be a problem.

I don't know whether you have been told, but you should email either me or father ted, on your way,
and when you arrive. You must also collect any reciepts. These are for tax puporses for the church.
It's also a good idea, if you have a camera, to bring it along to document anything that needs to
documented.

Thanks and I hope to hear from you,

Egon Tost

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to: Pastor Egon
Date: Jul 3

Dear Pastor Egon,
Calvary greeting to you in the mighty name of Jesus, thanks for your email and how are you today?. I want to let you know that we have assigned Pastor Nero, Evang.Henry Igbinosu and Bro.Olu Alaba to come and meet you in Ghana. They we are leaving Benin City tomorrow evening or very early by Tuesday, hoping to arrival Accra by Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning.
Evang. Henry will contact you again on their your way to let you know their possition.
Thanks and remain bless.

Sincere regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 3:24 pm

Quote:

From: Evang. Henry Igbinosu
to: Pastor Egon
Date: Jul 4

Dear Pastor Egon,
Warm greeting to you in the name of our Lord Jesus, How are you and the entire church members?. I am Evang. Henry Igbinosu, i was ask to contact you by Pastor Micharel Uyi, about our journey to Accra in Ghana, that we are leaving Benin City now, we are hoping to arrival Accra by Wednesday morning. Well i will contact you again tomorrow to let you know the possition of things here.
Have a wonderfull day.

Best regards
Evang. Henry Igbinosu

Quote:

From: Pastor Egon
to: Evang Henry
Date: Jul 5

Dear Evang. Henry,

How are you? I hope you are all travelling well. I eagerly await your arrival and I wish you a speedy and
safe journey. God Bless you all.

How are you getting here? That is to say, what transportation are you using?

If you have any problems don't hestiate to contact me either by email, which is the best way,
or by phone. However, my phone has been playing up recently and the battery seems to have
something wrong with it, so if I don't answer leave a message and I will endevour to get back
to you.

Look foward to seeing you all,

Pastor Egon.

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 3:34 pm

Quote:

From: Evang. Henry Igbinosu
to: Pastor Egon
Date: Jul 5

Dear Pastor Egon,
How are you today?. We have just arrive the hotel now, at the hotel they said your name is not on their list. Please we are still in the hotel right now, come down or send any body to get us accross the road outside the the Hotel.
Thanks and God bless

Evang. Henry.

Quote:

from: Evang. Henry Igbinosu
to: Father Ted
Date: Jul 5

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today?. We have just arrive the hotel now, They said pastor Egon Tone name is not on their list. Please we are still in the hotel right now, please try call him now, Although we have called but it was pick by machine.We are accross the road outside the the Hotel. Thanks and God bless.

kind regards
Evang. Henry

http://members.419eater.com/~slaw99/beepbeep.wav
http://members.419eater.com/~slaw99/Brittania.wav

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to: Evang Henry
Date: Jul 6

Dear Evang. Henry,

How are you? I'm well. I have just spoken to egon on his hotel landline. His mobile is playing up at the moment
but if will probably be working later.

Early this moring Pastor Egon was approached by a gang of toughs who held him up and demanded he hand over
'the money'. Luckily, he wasn't stupid enough to be carrying your money with him, and all they got were some
cigarettes and some loose change. However, pastor Egon is quite shaken by the whole incident. You should be proud
that he didn't crack under the pressure and lead them to the money though, and we should all probably thank him for that.

Anyhow, because he's been spooked by these disagreeable men, he is very wary about who he lets into his hotel room.
He has also changed the name he is staying under - that's why there was no listing for him when you tried.

Because he has never seen you before, he would like you to take a photo of you and the others standing outside the hotel
holding a sign that says "WE ARE NOT THE ROBBERS" or something to that effect. You should then send me that photo
as soon as possible so I can verify it and then I will let pastor egon know everything is ok, and I will give you his assumed name
at the hotel and his new room number.

I hope this isn't an inconveniance, but you will appreciate that we must take security measures becuase you never know
who reads emails or who might know the money is there and it's a lot of money so we're better to be safe than sorry.

Get back to me soon,

Father Ted

Quote:

From: Evang. Henry Igbinosu
to: Pastor Egon
Date: Jul 6

Dear Pastor Egon,
, Please how do we see now because we are out of money, and our hotel room fees will expire at 12:00 pm

Evang. Henry

Quote:

From Evang henry
To: Father Ted
Date: Jul 6

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your urgent response, but you know that this not my own country, please it will not be easy for me to begin looking for were to snap photograph. Please i want you to send my picture and Brother Olu Alaba photo to him right away, bacause now we don't have enough money. Please let him know that i Evang. Henry Igbinosun, i have here with me my international passport to ask off. Please tell him to call us on this number now (0246605333).if you want to call us add 00233 24 660 5333.
Thanks
Kind ragards
Evang. Henry

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to: Evang Henry
Date: Jul 6

Dear Henry,

I certainly sympathise with your predicament, however it's really Pastor Egon's call on this one. He wants a photo of you outside the hotel. I have told him I have an old one, but he is insistent that you foward the one he is asking for for security reasons.

He said he even suggested you take a camera for just such as an emergency. Do they sell those disposable cameras anywhere? I oft times will buy them when I'm on holiday. They're cheap and easy to use.

I will give pastor egon your number, but I'm not sure if he will call. I have to go out now and give a sermon to the congregation so I won't be back in my office for some time. I suggest you get the photo done and return it to me and then you'll be able to meet pastor egon immediately. Otherwise, I'm not sure.

Speak to you later,

God bless,

Father Ted

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 3:47 pm

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to: Evang Henry
Date: Jul 6

Dear Evangelist Henry,

My sincere apologies. I'm sorry for all the confusion. The reason he wants extra proof is because he is very shaken, dont you see. He knows you were travelling when the attack took place, but he's afraid that the people who try to show up might be them not you. We have our email hacked before and it wouldn't be hard for someone to fake some id and come in your place. Personally, I think your passports would be enough but father egon is very strict and moreso after recent events.

I pray you don't return to Nigeria without seeing this thing through. Afterall, it's your money that Pastor Egon is trying to protect. If he was careless and didn't want you to get your money he wouldn't have handed it over early this morning when he was approached by the the thugs. So you owe it to him, really.

The sign doesn't have to "we are no the armed robbers" - I said that as a suggestion, it could be "you can trust us" or "Rubber Baby buggy bumpers" - as long as it's a code word we have agreed upoun. It really shouldn't be that hard.

Look, Pastor egon is there waiting now with your money. He is has spent a great deal of time organising to give you your payment and has put his own life in danger. All you need to do is complete this security measure.

My position is almost unteneable. On the one hand, I have worked with your group for so long and we have worked so hard to get here and nothing would please me more than to see you collect your money, which you've earn't. On the other hand, I can't order Pastor egon to do things. I have to allow him to use his best judgement and make decisions.

Please don't let me down,

Father Ted

Quote:

From: Evang. Henry Igbinosu
to: Pastor Egon
Date: Jul 6

Dear Pastor,
According to Father Ted email, we have been given 2 coded words to enable you know we are the authentic pastors. Please get in touch with him as soon as possible, so that he can as well give you the coded words. Please you can call us on this number 024 660 5333, or alternativelly email us now, because we will be checking out of the Hotel by 12 noon as stipulated by management because we have run out of cash.

My regards
Evang. Henry

Quote:

From: Evang. Henry Igbinosu
to: Pastor Egon
Date: Jul 6

Dear Pastor Egon,
Please try call us on this number now (0246605333), we have to go and buy a line to enable you reach us.
Kind ragards
Evang. Henry Igbinosun

Quote:

From: Evang. Henry Igbinosu
to: Pastor Egon
Date: Jul 6

Dear Pastor Egon,
We are leaving Accra now, if you can still call us with in 10 minutes.

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to: Father Ted
Date: Jul 8

My dear Father Ted,
How are you today, and the entire Church members?. I want to express my appreciation to you on behalf of my pastors, for all the effort you have personally made in making sure the money get to us.I want to vehemently protest the unwholesome manner my pastors were treated. Imagine for instance some one who has not been to Africa before, coming to see someone; but only to be told he cannot see the person. Imagine the trauma the person would have gone through. That was exactly what my pastors went through. Their preparation was just for one day. They ran out of cash and had to beg to enable them return back home. I think Pastor Egon Tone ought to see them, especially for the fact that they were not in Ghana when he was mobbed.
I was equally told that the hotel he stayed, was a 5 star Hotel and it would be difficult for any hooligan or miscreant to do anything funny there. Pastor Egon Tone would have summon courage; because courage is not the absence of fear, but the conquest of fear. With their International passport duly stamped at each of the boarder post they pass through, and their church identity card, there ought not to be other precautionary measure. In addition was the coded words you suggested.
If he has come out to wellcome them, without the money, it would have been appreciated. Is Pastor Egon, an American or an African?, he should know that majority of Nigerians are yearning to wellcome the message of the Holy church of the God almighty would not forgive us all if we fail to propagate this message; especially to the needy. "Jesus said he has not come to save the righteous but the sinners" In malachi 3:6 Jesus say "for i am the Lord, i changeth not,therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed".
I hope Pastor Egon will not change his mind; especially for the fact that we have come a long way. I know that you can personally speak to him. My pastors are already in Nigeria because they were financially handicapped. We are waiting eagerly to know which order step you want to take in order to facilitate the easy release of the fund without any other bottleneck. Thank and remain bless.

Sincere regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

From: Father Ted
to pastormicharel
Date: Jul 8

Dear Pastor Micharel,

Thank you for your email, it was well received. All the church members are well, including you I hope! Seeing as your are all part
of the church now. The whole process has been rather unsavoury and I think everyone involved has regrets. I must offer my apologies to your fellow pastors who made the arduous journey to Accra only to be told to return home after they had run out of money and had never been allow to see Pastor Egon.

Let me also apologise on behalf on Pastor Egon. I think his mind was functioning on survival mode and his brain was riddled with fear. It's easy for us to sit back and say how courageous we would have been under the circumstances, but when you've a gun to your head and the words "hand over the cash fatty" I think we would all be a little cautious after that.

Please don't misinterpret the situation. Not for a moment did the pastor think your men were could, would or should be involved in the attack. He knew they weren't in the country in the time. His fear was that the bandits were aware of the exchange that was about to take place - either by hacking into his email or taping the phones - and that they were going masquerade as your pastors.

At any rate, what's done is done. Our job now is to see you safely receive the money. Naturally, I have been thinking it over and I believe I have a solution. Pastor Egon cannot transfer the money to you from Ghana, there are specific laws about that. He can however, transfer the money back to us here in the united states. Ok, so from there we still have the problem of not being able to transfer to you because of our involvement with the IRS. Well, I went to see my lawyer friend today, Barry Plant, who give me all the ins-and-outs regarding overseas transfers and the IRS.

To facilitate the transfer, all we need to do is pass some anti-terror verification and transfer the full amount in several transfers. This is due to new terrorism laws that have been enforced to stop the transfer of money that is being used for terrorism, and as you know Western Union and other companies have limits in the amount you can send at once.

We have two choices, you can either verify you non-terrorist status by filling out a 250 page form testing you on your knowledge of America and your inability to construct a bomb, or we can do a single visual test which can be completed with just one photo. In the photo your four pastors will need to represent, by way of their clothing and accouterment, four famous american icons. You can choose from three groups:

The reign beau's end band: (see photo 1)
Dick Webber; Larry Duggan; Joe Pollio; and "Bo" Deibel

The beatles: (see photo 2)
John Lennon, Paul Mccartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr

The beat poets: (see photo 3)
Hal Chase, Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg and William Burroughs

I'm sure your familiar with all these american Icons. You must choose one a reproduce it as faithfully as possible to the original photo you see. I reccommend you find a local costume hire to help you in this endeavour. Please have the photo taken with the american flag in the background. That is very important.

Please take 4-5 shots so I can pick the best one ot submit to the authorities. As soon as I recieve it, my lawyer has assured my It will be perfectally legal to transfer the funds through Western Union or Moneygram etc. I believe the limit is $5000 at one time, so we will begin sending $5000 amounts everyday until the full amount has been transferred. I hope you find this alternative satisfactory. It really is alot easier than travelling around or trying to organise to meet in another country.

Get back to me as soon as possible,

God Bless

Father Ted

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 3:49 pm

This just in....

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to: Father ted

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today?, We have been unable to get a larger US flag that can cover the whole background of the photo here, so we have to other for a larger one, by tomorrow or next, we will get back to you. Thanks and remain bless.

Sincere regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Posted: Wed Jul 12, 2006 10:48 pm

Quote:

From: pastormicharel
to me
Date: 12 Jul,

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today and the entire Church members?, For us here we are all doing well. Here are the pictures you requested for.
About the transfer we suggested that you can be able to transfer up to US$10,000 a day to faster the days, by sending US$5,000 through Western union money transfer and the other US$5,000 through money gram.
Also we suggested that you use 2 names in sending this money, Evang. are the names you are use, In Western union money transfer you are sending US$2,500 to each name respectively, also in money gram US$2,500 in respectively for each name.

Below are their full information needed for the transfer;

N:B. Please instruct the bank about the receiver Identification, because i believe they are using either International passport or Driving license.

Kindest regards
Pastor

Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 12:38 am

Nice work! clapping

hehe, what a pratt.

Posted: Sat Jul 15, 2006 12:00 pm

Fantastic Work! Very Happy

Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 1:28 am

A great bait indeed. A very intertaining read. I had no idea that all of your trophy pics in the pictures forum were all coming from the same idiots.

can't wait to see where you take this next

Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 10:10 am

That was a fantastic read

I rate it as twelve out of ten !!!!

Well done slaw

Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 11:45 am

Wow, I wasn't even aware they could be that gullible!

Guess I was giving 'em too much credit, huh?

Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 12:30 pm

Fantastic Bait and lots of high-quality trophies! Very very well done! Thumbs up

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:02 am

It seems like this is never goig to end. Shocked

I am going to forget about the colors from now on. And I'll refer to the lad pastor as PM, even though a search probably turns up his name about 50 times already. Rolling Eyes

Up until now (sep 18th) the bait has been fairly straight and probably a tedious read. I saulte anyone who actually managed ot get through it. I'm going to shift gears a bit and introduce some new characters and some more colorful scenarios. Anyhow, here is the update from jul 12 to Sep 18.

*They got very little of my attention. I was busy with other things and would usually wait a few days before replying.*

Here we go...

Quote:

Dear PM,

I'm sorry, but those photos are no good. I'm sure I don't have to explain why. The flag was not real! It's lucky I decided at
the last minute not to show the photos to the authorities, they probably would have shot me for treason! I have spoken to my lawyer
and he has suggested two options. You can either find a flag the covers the entire wall and finish the task properly, or to show your pro-american sentiment you can have t-shirts and basbeball caps made up for the group and have your photo taken wearing them. You will need to have them professionally done - 1 cap and 1 t-shirt for each member that features the logo I have attached.

Get back to me soon,

Father Ted

Time for baby mich. to have a cry. Waaaahh.

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today?. According to your recent email, some of the Church memebers here was not pleased with it, some of them want to know if we are still members of the Church of the Holy Church of the GUN.; Some of them are now thoughting your integrity!, Because haven arranged a trip to Accra in Ghana because of this fund, but only to come back without the money. And many said they need answers in the following area;
First, Why is your phone and Pastor Egon phone is alway on answering machine 24 hours?, Twisted Evil

and you have not one day call us in Nigeria and when are you going to call us ?, or when are we going to call you and get in touch with you online?.
Secondly; Before my pastors travel for Accra In Ghana, there was a photograph you ask us to be taken with our favourite thing, and you said in that same email that you will send your members photos to us as soon as you get these pictures, them also want to know when are you sending those pictures. (How about NEVER? Laughing

)
Thirdly; What does a church have to do with terrorist?, because that seen to be the reason of this recent pictures you requested for. Nigerian are not like Iraq, and Nigerian is not a supporter of any participant of terrorism, and also we are Church here.
We have spent so far up to US $3,500 in this process of joining the Holy Church of the Gun.. If you call us your memebers, Please with due respect and loyalty to the Holy Church of the Guntherlipoman, many of the memebers here want you to send us US$200 (Two Hundred dollars) in your name or any body name if you cannot send it yourself, for us to be sured of anything we are doing.
Also let us know the kid of pictures you will prefer most?, if that the flag, know that the flag we designed on our own will not be beautiful like the one in the background of the pictures i sent you before, or the pro- america sentiment type, what kid of colour of the T-shirt and Baseball caps will you prefer most?, because we donot like repeating ourself doing the same thing.
Send the US$200 through western union to any of the names i gave you in my last email. Thanks and remain bless.
Please donot reply through this box, (use aim.com box in your reply).

Sincere regards
PM

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:21 am

Quote:

Dear Micharel,

Of course you are members! There is not way you will ever not be. Your membership has been confirmed, we're just trying to establish
the transfer at the moment. I saddens me to think you are doubting my intergrity. I'm a a man of god and my integrity means everything to me. My phone is never off. It will go directly to voicemail because I am usually not around to answer it. Quite frankly, I find the thing annoying. I can call you if you wish, I have no problem with that, but I felt we were doing quite well with the email as a mode of communication and didn't see any need to make expensive overseas calls.

Re: the terrorism. Obviously you are not aware with the state of security these days. It doesn't matter that your from Nigeria. Any transfer is highly scrutinised after recent world events. No one is safe.

I think if you can't find a large flag the t-shirts and caps are the best route. A hand drawn flag is not acceptable.

Father Ted

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today and the entire members of the Church?. Thanks for the pictures you sent us. We are all fine here, although Brother Olu Alaba were not ok for some couple of days, but he is fine now, And also our computer server system was down for some days. We hope to send you the picture tomorrow . Thank and
remain bless.

Kindest regards
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks you very much, and how are you today?. Here are the pictures. About the transfer use the information i gave you before now.
Thanks and God bless.

PM

The boys don their new threads....

Quote:

Dear Pastor Micharel,

I am well. I hope you are doing fun and the world is treating you kindly. I recieved the pictures. Good Job. We are now clear to
transfer you the funds. I seem to have lost your details in the the untenable clutter that is my inbox. Can you please send me the details for the transfer please.

God Bless
Ted

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
A very happy sunday to you, how are you today?. I hope you received the transfer details i sent to you yesterday?
Remain bless.

Sincere regards
Pastor Micharel

Quote:

Dear PM,

Apologies for the delay in replying. As you know sunday is very busy day for us pastors. Not the day of rest of rest for us , is it!?

I did receive your secure email and the contents were well noted. Before accounts can begin to put through the payments, I have been told my the church lawyer that I ought to have you send over the T-shirts and Caps. The bureaucracy never seems to end, but it must be done. Please send them immediately to this address:

*REMOVED*

As soon as they arrive we can begin sending the allotted payments.

Thanks and God Bless,
Father Ted.

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
We will do as you which , but the Church here want you to start payment transfer.
Thanks.

Quote:

Dear Pastor thankyou for you email,

I can't claim to understand everything my attorney says, and quite frankly I don't want to know. The world has gone mad
with beaurocracy, and we've both been trapped in it's vicious whirlwind.

The payments have been automated by the church accountant to process the allotted payments every few days as soon
as the garments arrived and are stamped by the postal office here in the USA.

I will check to make sure it is all running smoothly - it's a new system - and that the first payment has been transferred
succesfully after the garments arrive. I hope this is not an inconveniance, because it will be easier for us when the
payments begin because we won't have to do each one by hand.

Father Ted

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:25 am

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today?, We had a board meeting today concerning your last email, the rest members here said i should let you know that we are not children to be tossing arround. We will like to know what your lawer is going to do with the T-Shit and caps?. And you would have let us know ealiar that we are going to send the T- Shit and caps to you. Please if you are not dening us the donation, try just start sending the funds and when we receive your first transfer we will send you the items you requsted. Thanks.

Kindest regards
Micharel

Quote:

Dear Pastor Micharel,

How are things? I'm sorry for not mentioning the shipping of the garments earlier. It was my fault, and I take full responsibilty for not letting you know. The lawyer advises it for record keeping purposes. I don't fully understand, but it has something to do with taxes and the records of the accounts. Things must be done according to strict regulation when dealing with such large amounts of money. Your donation which was originally, $127,000 approx, I can't remember the exact figure - has now been upped to $165,000. I hope this is satisfactory. So, you understand, we have to make sure we dot all the i's and cross the t's. Especially after the trouble we've already gone through to set up a route of transfer for you.

Sending the package should not take anymore than a week. When you take into account the fact the transfers will be automated, you will recieving the full amount sooner than you would have originally anyhow.

I urge you to send the items, failure to do so could result in a severe delay in your payment.

God Bless,

Father Ted

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you and the entire church council?. The church board here has not approved the fund to send the package items you requested because of past events. Please try understand me, i cannot do anything without permission from the Church board.
If you are willing to donate this fund to us, please try send us US$150 to send this package to you as soon as possible. You are very free to substract this amount from the donation. Please let me again if this package is the last thing to do before the transfer?. Thanks and God bless you.

Kindest regards
Pastor Micharel

Quote:

Dear Pastor Micharel,

The church and I are well and enjoying the several religious festival that occur this time of year. I've been running a jams and preserves stall at the local Baptist Fete and it's been quite succesful.

I hope you and the boys are well.

I will explain how the transfer works. This should answer both your question about sending the money and wether this is the last thing you will have to do before you recieve the money. The church has organised to send the money through an automated transfer system that is now available through post offices. When the articles arrive they will be check off and the money will be wired electronically to the details you gave me. This is more cost effective than making trips to transfer the alloted amounts every few days. This way, the amounts will be sent automatically at intervals.

I hope that makes some sense and you can convince the church board that it's really quite simple.

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today and the entire Church members?.We have come to a comclusion to send to you items you requested. Evang. Gary Ogbonwman will send you the items tomorrow or next tomorrow to the address.
Thanks and have a blissful day.

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:30 am

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today and the entire Church members?. We are sorry there was a little delay in sending of the items you requasted, the reason was that our Church accountant were not feeling ok for some days.
Evangelist Gary just called me some hours ago that him has sent the garments and they assured him that it will get to the recipient (Mr. ****) by on wednesday or thursday next week.
Please try enlighten me again about the method you are sending the donation to us through the automated transfer system that you said that is now available through post offices, because i have not heard about it in Nigeria.
Moreover, the two addresses i gave you before are resident addresses, for now i do not know if there is any need to change it to officesaddresses, because i believe the post offices are working in office hours. if you are sured that their service is ok, let know as soon as possible. Thanks and remain bless.

Kindest regards
Pastor Michare Uy

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today?. Did you received my last email i sent you, that we have sent the T-Shirts and the Caps?. According to the courier service he post the items, your may just receive the garment tomorrow. You are now using the below addresses to send the donation, Evangelist Henry Igbinosun change him address to his office address.

Pastor Micharel

Quote:

Dear Pastor Michrel,

I have not recieved the items yet, but will keep a look out for them. I have updated your details so the transfer will go to the new address.

I hope you are well.

Peace be with you,

Father Ted

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today, and the entire members?. I have not heard from you. Have you received the items we sent?, Please contact Mr ****** to know if he has received it.
Thanks and God bless.

Yours sincerely
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

Dear Pastor Micharel,

I spoke to ***** yesterday and he told me he had not yet recieved the package. I will check in with him tomorrow. I'll be sure to let you know when it arrives.

Kind regards,

Father Ted

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today?. I have not heard from you for some now,hope all is well?. Have you received the package items we sent to *****. I were in Benin City yesterday with Evangelist Gary Ogbonmwan, and we went to the post office together he sent the items to you to lay a complain that my receipent had not received the items we post on the 4th Aug., and they said the items were delay by customs, and they said by that yesterday or today you will received the items. If not they advise that you should go to the nearest post office with the package tracking number below;
EE314130879NG EMS (SPEED POST) and claim it.
Thanks and remain bless.

Yours Sincerely
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today and the entire members?. I have not heard from you. Have you received the items we sent?.

Thanks and God bless.

Yours sincerely
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

Dear Pastor Micharel,

I checked 2 days ago and the package had not arrived. I will go and see what is going on tommorow morning and get
back to you.

God Bless,

Father Ted

Posted: Tue Sep 19, 2006 3:37 am

Quote:

Dear Pastor,
How are you today? I'm quite well. The church has finished our renovations which have been going on for over two years. It's nice to have everything nice and tidy for once. I love the smell of fresh paint, don't you?

I have been to the post office to make inquiries as to the whereabouts of this package. I gave them the tracking number you gave me and waited patiently will the young and rather inept customer service respresentative checked her computer. She explained to me that somewhere along the line, the package was accidentally sent from the "outgoing mail" storage, into the "packages to be incinerated" box.

That is to say, the package has been burnt to a crisp and neither you or I will ever see the contents ever again. I was offered $25 recompense for the blunder and a $10 gift certificate to "wobby's world" - a second rate amusement park in the Nevada desert.

I'm willing to send you the $25, but I would like to keep the $10 gift certificate because I have always wanted to go to Wobby's world, and what better oppurtunity than with this nice little bonus.

We now face the problem of not having the material for the accountant. Under the circumstances, I would not expect you to have new t-shirts made and then send them again, that would be unfair. But we still need some sort of physical item, so can you please make a drawing of the four of you wearing the t-shirts using color pens or pencils and send it to the same address?

This will begin the automated payment service I told you about. If you do not send something that arrives, we cannot start the payment.

He's getting desperate now. It's been 4 months, and he all he's got is a bucket load of trouble. He wants that $25!!! Laughing

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your email, we are fine, and how are you and the rest members of the church?. According my church council here, they want you to send the $25 to make us very sure of your explaination email that the package has been burnt to a crisp and neither you or I will ever see the contents ever again, before we send you the drawing you requested. Additionaly; you are to send me the address with ****** phone number again, to post the material to. Thanks and remain bless.

N:B, send the $25 through money gram or western union to the address of Evangelist H i gave you, and send me mtcn, question and answer to my box.

Opps, spent the $25 already. Embarassed

Quote:

Dear Pastor ,

I and the other church members are well. I just assumed you wouldn't ask me for the $25 so I spent it on choclates for one of the small children in the congregation who has rickets in her legs.

You know very well the church laws and protocols that are in place for sending money outside of donation packages, so the only way I could send the $25 is if I ask here to give me the choclate back and I return it to the store for a refund.

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today and the entire members?, We have sent drawing you requested last week friday, i were very busy to write you due to church proggrams during the weekend, we hope you will receive parcel it before the ending of the week. Thanks and remain bless.

Yours Sincerely
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you today and the entire members of the Church?, I have not heard from you for sometime now, i hope all is well?. By now i hope you have received the item we sent you. I look forward hearing from you soon Below is the tracking number of the parcel we sent you on the 25th Aug., Inland parcel number 212 EXP/BC10/ 552. Thanks and remain bless.

Your Sincerely
Pastor Micharel Uyi

LOL,

....is this a form whinge? He's sounding like a broken record.

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
How are you and the rest members of the Church?. I have not heard from you, have you not still received parcel we sent you?. Please update me, the entire church council board here needs to hear from you. Thanks and God bless.

Your Sincerely
Pastor Micharel Uyi

The sketch, with some artisitic liberties taken. Add a hat here, take a away a hat there. Laughing

Quote:

Dear Pastor Micharel,

How are you? I'm well, except for a sore toe.

I recieved your package yesterday. Many thanks. Now, according to how I understand the new system to work, the first amount of your payment should hav already gone through and the rest should follow shortly. Let me know if there is a problem.

Peace be with you,
Father Ted.

It's so sad.

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
Thanks for your email, we are all fine as well, there is problem here, Please let me know the day you are sending the first amount and when are we going to receive it here. Thanks and remain bless.

Below is the address again;

Quote:

Dear Pastor Micharel,

Thank you for your email. There seems to be a problem with the automated transfer process. It's very technical and esoteric and I would take hours to explain.

We will need you to meet one of our Pastors in Wukari, Taraba State. He will be ble to withdraw your money from the bank and give it you there. I know we had problems in the past with this method, but I have a fool proof solution so It will be sure to work this time.

I will give you his address and the details upon receipt oy your mail.

God Bless,

Father Ted

Quote:

Dear Father Ted,
I received your last email that there is a problem with the automated transfer, please if you are not willing to offer us this donation let us know; we cannot travel out of our state again for this transaction, because there is nothing in Taraba State that is not in our state. We suggest you transfer the sum amount through Western union money transfer or Money gram. Thanks and God bless.

Yours Sincerely
Pastor Micharel Uyi

Quote:

Dear Pastor Micharel,

There is indeed something in Taraba state that is not in your state...The pastor with your money!

We cannot transfer the money via the means you have suggested for reasons which I have already explained in some
detail throughout our correspondence together.

If you will not collect your money, then we will have to consider this matter finalised.

God Bless,

Father Ted

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