Princess Margaret vs Prince Charles

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Posted: Sun Jul 02, 2006 7:35 pm

Another begging bowl placed before a dead member of the British royal family. Laying aside her cucumber sandwiches and bucks fizz
with a sigh, Princess M duly dictates her patient and condescending replies.
As charitable officer to HRH, I am scheduled to bring up the rear. If Charlie- boy lasts more characters will follow, just as sure as mugu follows bait.

This thread starts with Charles writing, not your
standard letter but something rather cryptic, almost a poem in fact - which HRH takes, naturally enough, as
being from the real Prince Charles...

Quote:

From: prince charles <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: hear my cry
Date: Mon, 26 Jun 2006 03:36:04 -0700 (PDT)

Dear princess margaret

Hear the crying of the needy

Hear the crying of the meek

Save the children from the street

The motherless and homeless

Quote:

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess
of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
(+44) (0)20 7930 4832

Dear Charles

I am not sure what this is about, is it a joke, have you been drinking too
much champagne with Camilla again? Are you still up for the polo this
weekend? Sir Marmite has a splendid new pair of johdpurs he wants to break
in.

Give me a call if you want to chat about the Westminster Abbey jumble sale.

MAGGIE

Quote:

From: prince charles <[email protected]>
To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: Your message charles
Date: Tue, 27 Jun 2006 20:13:12 -0700 (PDT)
Dear Princess Margaret,

Am not a drunker as you said my princess, is just that i really want to
further my education and i know that you can help me. I see you as a
mother, kindly see the need to help me from my financial handicap my
princess to enable me go back to school.

Just see me as someone who needs your help my princess.
I look forward to hear from you my princess.

Thanks and God bless.

Yours Faithfully,

PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I must apologise, I am somewhat embarrassed! I find that I was confusing you
with the Prince Charles we have here at home, a jug eared, somewhat vague
fellow, fond of talking to plants and shortly to ascend the throne I would
imagine. Upon investigation I discover you and he are not the same.

How can I help you?

MARGARET

Quote:

My Princess,

Just as i said, when i lost my mum i lost my right from the palace i
have tried to go on but it never been easy for me due to financial
handicap. Right now am school dropout due to school fee is why i decided to
writ you my princess to see if you can send me some money to enable me go
back to school.

My princess i will be much greatful if you assist me financially, to
enable me take care of myself and my schooling, am cloose to hell due to
some circumstance beyond my control.

Please My Princess hear the cry of the needy,

I look forward to hear a possitive respond from you.

Remain blessed My Princess.

Yours Truly,

PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

After some thought, we find that your claim has rather touched us here at
the palace and we have decided to consider your need for charity with the
kindliness and consideration it surely deserves. We do, as it happens, have
a small dispersement fund of some 20,000 dorks from which perhaps aid might
be extracted to alleviate your difficulties.

However I have been reminded that there is a formality which needs to
undertaken first. As this a extempore vas defrens payment, that is one
outside of our regular business considerations, you will have to satisfy
some conditions that can be outlined by our charitable officer Mr Lonslo
Tossov. Are you happy to do that?

Naturally we can rush through the paperwork but it will require some
application from your end.

Do let me know what you think and let us make sure that you get what is
coming to you.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

My princess,

With due respect, how are you ? hope all is well. I wish to send my
contact address and phone number acrose to you so that you can use it to
get intouch with me.

PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO
No 5
Chiefagbo Street Asata
Enugu
Nigeria.

Phone number +2348037578607.

My princess if you send me money for my school with this address through
DHL it will get to me. please i really look up to you, just see me as your
own son and assist me. Though i have no silver nither gold to pay back, but
i will always pray for you in my daily prayers.

Remain blessed my Princess.
Yours Faithfully,
PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

Many thanks for your contact details and I have given them to Mr Tossov.

We are likely to hesitate in sending cash out by DHL, what with all the
problems you have with sticky fingers in your part of the world. Is there
no way we can sort things out by bank transfer? Mr Tossov I am sure would
prefer such an option and we have an account with Hippo Bank that can be
utilised.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

My princess,

Am really greatful for your offer, i pray for almighty God to bless you the more and give you strong health in jesus name, Amen.

Am willing to feel the form if neccessary my princess, i hereby attach my school bank account details

Bank name : United Bank for Africa (UBA) NIGERIA

Account name : Ifeanyi Charles

Account number :0842120164442

Once again am really greatful for your loving, caring and kindness towards me you have really give me strenght to go on, i mean to face future.

Thanks and God bless.

PRINCE CHARLES

Quote:

Dear Charles (if I may be so bold)

Many thanks for the details of your bank, and rest assured now we have this information we are very keen here to see you shortly get what you deserve.

I will have Mr Tossov make himself known to you shortly, so that things may proceed apace. Once that is done then we can surely discuss the exact details of the monies, how they can be sent and whatnot.

I am sure that, with your prompt replies to his necessary questions and the completion of a few straightforward formalities demanded of hopeful indigents, we can look to alleviating your distress very soon. We do so dislike hearing of sub equatorial unfortunates such as yourself, no doubt skulking around all day in your fly blown hut and what not without a stroke of useful work to do.

Please let me know if you have any questions.

kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

My princess,

How are you? hope is well, if so glory be to almighty God. My princess for puting joy in my life once again, i wish to say that as nothing could stop the day from coming forth this morning, so shall no circumstance stand on your way in this life in jesus name i pray, Amen.

My princess i forget to attach the bank branch, i hereby inclose the necessary information :

Bank name : United Bank for Africa (UBA) NIGERIA

Account name : Ifeanyi Charles

Account number :0842120164442

Branch : Enugu Main

My princess incase it didnt work out with the above bank account please kindlly send it through Western Money Union Transfer it will get to me

Branch : Enugu Nigeria.

One of my uncle work with Western Money Union Transfer his name is CHARLES CHIDI i suggest you send it with his name because it will be easy for me to get it.

Thanks my princess, i really look forward to hear from you.

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

Have you heard from Mr Tossov yet?

I know he has been away at the Smegaroon Charitable Giving Conference these last few days but would expect him to write to you soon now he has made his return.

Incidentally are there any other little things, of a practical nature we can offer to help you in the very short term? How are you off for bedding, chamberpots, and hole free pants for instance? I am sure we could look in the stores and find some articles which would be of use. Do let me know.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

My princess,

Am really greatful for your loving kindness My princess, i want you to understand that the only joy in my life right now, right here is you. Please do not turn my joy to sorrow, you alon can help me from your cheeful mind. I would even like to work under you my princess as soon as i graduat cox you gave me the strenght to go on that i can make it.

My Princess i really lack words, just look up to God and help me.

Thanks and Godbless.

Prince Charles.

A few hours pass and the Prince still gushes naive enthusiasm:

Quote:

My Princess,

I have not hear from Tossov. And please anything you feel to send acroos to me please do not histate, cox you are the only hope i have for now; i must be pain to you my prinncess.

Thanks,

Prince Charles.

Tossov makes contact:

Quote:

Lonslo Tossov
Royal Charitable Officer
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
020 7278 6694
07951 593 525

CHARLES_I AM ADVISED BY HRH THAT YOU WISH TO AVAIL YOURSELF OF OUR CHARITABLE DISPENSATIONS THESE SAME REPRESENTING AN OPTIONAL LARGESSE OF NO MEAN AMOUNT PAYABLE TO THIRD WORLD INEBRIATES AND INDIGENTS AT THE RARE DISCRETION OF HRH_VERY WELL SIR BUT IT WILL MEAN YOUR COMPLETION OF THE REQUIRED APPLICATION FORM LEGIBLY_HONESTLY_AND PROMPTLY_CAN YOU BE RELIED UPON TO DO THIS AND FURTHERMORE TO KEEP THIS SPECIAL CONTRIBUTION TO YOUR PERSONAL FINANCES DISCREET??_I ASK THIS BLUNTLY SIR AS REST ASSURED THIS CONTRIBUTION SHOULD NOT BE SEEN AS JUST ANOTHER BOOZY BLOWOUT OR FLOOZY FUND COURTESY OF OUR GOOD OFFICES_IS THAT CLEAR???

ONCE I HAVE THESE ASSURANCES I WILL SEND OUT THE NECESSARY WITH INSTRUCTIONS FORTHWITH AND ADVISE HRH ACCORDINGLY_ REST ASSURED OF THAT

AWAITING YOUR REPLY SIR

TOSSOV

Quote:

DEAR LONSLO TOSSOV,

I really appreciate to hear from you i pray for almighty God to bless you for me. Your
contents are well understood and i want you to understand that i look forward to feel the application form with honest.

Thanks and God bless you with your hous hold as i look forward to feel the application form in jesus name Amen.

PRINCE CHARLES.

Quote:

Re: CHARLES - YOUR APPLICATION FOR CHARITY

CHARLES IS THIS EMAIL SAFE???_ I WOULD NOT WANT YOUR GOOD FORTUNE AND ANY
ACCOMPANYING DOCUMENTATION TO FALL INTO THE HANDS OF SOME LIGHT FINGERED
COUNTRYMAN_IF SO I WILL SEND THE FORMS SHORTLY AND WILL EXPECT PROMPT
DISPATCH BY RETURN FROM YOUR END IS THAT CLEAR?_WE MAY BE A CHARITY BUT WE
ARE NOT POSSESSED OF BOUNDLESS PATIENCE

T

Quote:

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

I really appreciate your concern and i want you to understand that this box is safe. Please I look forth to recieve the application form.

Thanks and God bless.

Yours Truly

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

I have not seen any application form in my box have you send any. I look forth to hera from you.

Thanks,

Prince Charles.

Ok...if he insists:

Quote:

CHARLES HERE IS THE FORM_ KINDLY COMPLETE SAME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE_LEGIBLY TOO I MAY ADD_THIS SO THAT WE CAN PROCESS THIS MATTERS QUICKLY_ IS THAT CLEAR?

Registration for Royal Charity Application Form

Application for Registration for Charity by NATIVE INDIGENTS and SUB EQUATORIAL MENDICANTS

Notes:

NAME OF INDIVIDUAL APPLYING FOR REGISTRATION

This should be the full name of the organisation or individual as written in the governing document. It will appear on the Certification of Charitable Dispensation as issued, should the application be successful.

We have tried to avoid using jargon or technical terms in this application form, however there are some words or phrases which have specific meanings, and these are set out below:

• Governing document - this is the document or documents which set out the objects or purposes ofthe dispensation and how it is to be spent and administered. It will usually be a declaration of trust, or memorandum of association with this office.

• Objects - these are the purposes of the charitable dispersement, whether to alleviate distress, or pay for the necessities of third world indigent life style & etc. The Objects set out what the dispersement is intended to achieve (they do not say what they will spent on a daily basis). Objects must be exclusivelycharitable if the allocation is to be recognised as a charitable.

• Activities - this is what the charitable recipient will do on a day-to-day basis to achieve the objects.

Activities must be capable of furthering the objects of the charitable dispensation under consideration. If they are not, then either the organisation or individual is not a charitable item or the objects are wrongly drafted.

• Executed - this means that the document in question has been signed and dated; it may also need to be sealed. In addition:

• a deed may need to be stamped by your legal representative or tribal elder(see note below);

We can only recognise a charitable cause and offer dispensation which has a properly executed governing document.

• Certified - To certify a document, a person authorised by the trustees to do so, should write on the document "I certify that this is a true copy of [enter the name of the document]" and sign and date it.

Notes for completing the Registration Application Form (APP 1)

Please read the following notes before completing this form.

Why is it necessary to provide all the information requested on the form?

• The Royal Household has to apply UK charity law in making decisions to ensure that organisations or individuals applying for extraordinary charitable dispensation meet the legal requirements for such relief, indigent or not.

The more information you are able to supply us with at the outset, the better our understanding will be. This makes our decision making easier and will mean that we are able to consider your application more quickly.

• If the form is not completed as appropriate or any of the information marked on the checklist is missing, we will return the entire application to you for completion and resubmission.

We will not consider incomplete applications.

How does the registration process work?

• The Royal Charitable Office, under Lonslo Tossov DFC, has the general function of promoting effective use of charitable resources. We can do this by encouraging better methods of administration, by giving information and advice and by investigating and checking abuses. We have these functions whether or not a charitable organisation has been registered.

• We believe it is in the interests of charitable requests their supporters and their beneficiaries that they should start life as well equipped as possible to tackle their objectives - and it is far better for potential problem areas to be addressed at the beginning rather than wait until difficulties surface.

• As a result, throughout the registration process (including any correspondence which results from
considering your application), we will address not only the issue of whether you or your organisation is charitable but also any governance issues which arise and on which we think it is appropriate to offer guidance. On some occasions issues may arise where it is not clear whether they relate to charitable status or to governance or both. We will always try to make it clear in our correspondence whether we are raising questions about charitable status or governance, or both.

• Where we give guidance, we will make it clear whether a particular course must be followed, or whether we are recommending it as good practice. We cannot insist that our recommendations are followed, but we would be concerned if you or your tribe ignored them without good reason.

Notes for completing the Registration Application Form (APP 1)

• As registration is the first stage in what will be an ongoing relationship between yourself, your dependents, village elders etc and the Commission this is a particularly suitable occasion for us to gather some basic information about you which will help set off this relationship on an open and constructive basis.

When does this form need to be completed?

It needs to be completed only when you have a clear idea of if you really require the funds for express charitable work. Please do NOT apply until you have all the information you need to complete the form or you feel it will be spent on drink and women. This will help us to provide as quick a service as possible. If the application form is not fully completed and/or the documents marked * on the checklist are not enclosed, the application will be returned to you. We will only consider applications which are properly completed and accompanied by the required documentation.

If you need help completing this form or have any questions about the process of registration please
telephone Lonslo Tossov or his office where fully trained staff will be pleased to help. You may
find it helpful to read CC21 'Starting and Registering a Charitable claim for Indigent Natives' before completing this form.

.Who needs to complete the form?

It can be completed either by:

• a charity recipient or proposed charity trustee, who is or will be one of the persons responsible for
running the charity; or

• a mendicant due to receive charitable relief pursuant to the claim

How long will the process take?

You should hear from us within 15 working days of submitting your application. Our response may be one of the following:

1. A requests for further information if we do not consider we have enough information to make anassessment of charitable status

2. An indication that in principle we are prepared to register your claim as a cerifiable native indigent, letting you know the steps involved to finalise the process.

3. Questions and/or advice on your governance arrangements (including risk) if we think you might function more effectively by making some improvements - these questions may not have any
direct bearing on whether your claim is accepted but may be raised where we consider that by
dealing with these issues at the beginning of your life as a charity you may avoid problems in the future.

In any subsequent correspondence we will seek to differentiate issues which relate primarily to
charitable status from issues which relate to personal governance, homosexuality or characteristic inebriation etc, although on some occasions questions may have relevance to both.

4. An indication that rather more detailed consideration will be needed before we can give you a detailed response, for example, we may wish to take advice internally from lawyers or others before coming back to you in detail.

Inevitably the more unusual, novel or complex the case the longer it will take. But we recognise how
important it is that small charities (those whose annual income is likely to be under �10,000) should receive a flexible and speedy response - and we may decide to defer asking questions about governance issues until a little later on in the life of the charity.

Timescales for registration:

We aim to decide an application for registration in an average of 14 working days. However, we expect tobe able to complete this more quickly if the following apply:

• your income is less than �10,000 per year;

• you have used either:

• a Commission or CLA model governing document without amendment and inserting specific

charitable objects; or

• a standard governing document without amendment and with the agreement of the issuing body;

and

• you have answered fully and satisfactorily all of the questions on this form relevant to your
organisation.

We will consider applications in respect of executed governing documents in whatever form. But the
process will be completed much quicker if you have adopted either a standard or model governing
document which has been previously agreed with us. More information can be found below and in CC22

Choosing and Preparing a Governing Document.

Applications in Welsh

We are happy to accept applications made in Welsh and which include a governing document in Welsh.

However, we ask that if you are sending a governing document in Welsh you also include a certified
translation into English. If you are unable to do this, we will arrange for a translation to be made. Whilst we do not wish to risk disagreement about the meaning or translation that might affect charitable status, we cannot accept any responsibility for mis-translation of a legally technical document. Please contact your lawyer or responsible tribal elder.

Acceptance for registration as a charity means that the governing document of the organisation concerned will form part of the Register of Charities. The Register must be made available in a form which is understandable by the majority of the population of England and Wales to comply with the Charity Commission's statutory obligations. Whilst we require an English version of the document for these purposes the Welsh document also forms part of our registered particulars and is available for scrutiny by individuals visiting our offices and requesting to see it. Photocopies will also be available on request. The computerised Register will display the objects of the charity in both Welsh and English.

The format of this application form:

Part 1 contains questions designed to check whether you are eligible for registration.

Part 2 (except questions 2, 3 and 7) seeks information which, together with details from your governing document, we will enter on the computerised Indigental Charity Database if your application is successful. Where that information will be publicly available from the Register (on our website or at our offices) this is indicated.

NB: The information you supply will be held by us for at least 5 years. It may be released to other
regulators (such as the Police) in order for us to discharge our statutory duties, or to a third party in
accordance with the provisions of the Freedom of Information Act 2000.

Part 3 requests information which is primarily concerned with considering your likely charitable status. The questions will also give us an insight into how your organisation works or proposes to work. Please complete as fully as you can. If you do not do this, it may delay your application as we will
need to contact you for further details. If you are using a standard governing document you will not
need to complete part 3.

Part 4 contains questions which will help us to form a view about aspects of governance and may identify areas where advice on social welfare, personal hygene, employment search etc at this stage (or immediately after registration) might be helpful.

Part 5 asks those organisations or people working with children, cattle or other vulnerable groups, specific questions about the checks they may have to make with the Criminal Records Bureau.

Part 6 acts as a checklist of documents we need to process your application. If you do not enclose those marked with a * we will return the whole application to you, asking you to re-submit it when all the documents are available. This part also contains a certificate. This must be signed by the person making the application on behalf of the organisation. Warning: you must, of course, complete the form honestly to the best of your knowledge and belief. If you were to supply us with false or misleading information deliberately or recklessly you could be guilty of an offence under section 11 of the Charities Act 1993.

Where appropriate, notes to help you complete the form appear on the page facing each question. If you have any problems with completing the form please call us where our fully trained staff will be happy to help.

Where to send the completed form:

Please return the form to the address at the end of this message: c/o Lonslo Tossov, Charitable Officer. Be sure to retain a copy for yourself in case of any loss.

The information requested in part 2 of the application form (except Questions 2, 3 and 7) together with other information taken from your organisation’s governing document, is the information we will enter on to the computerised Register if your application is successful.

NAME, or NAME OF ORGANISATION

If we think your name name or that of your organisation is too similar to another charity on the Register and might cause confusion, then you may be asked to change it. We advise that you check the Public Register of Charities before choosing a name. The Register is available on our website:

http://www.charitycommission.gov.uk or you can telephone our Contact Centre.

More information about the choice and use of names for a charity can be found in CC21 - Registering as a

Charity.

Q1

DATE OF FIRST OPERATION

Please put the date when the organisation was first formed and/or became active or when you were born and first felt the need to scrounge about for finance . For example, the date when an individual began indigency, perhaps with begging letters and street collection. If you do not know the exact date, please put down the month and year or just the year (eg 00/03/1991 or 00/00/1991).

Q2

11

Form Part 2: Details for our database and the Public Register

(to be completed by all applicants)

Please give the main name together with any other names or acronyms (if any) by which you are known (excluding tribal, criminal aliases or ritual names) The main name should be the one which is given in the governing document.

Main name

NAME

Q1

DATE OF FIRST OPERATION

When did you or your gang first start looking for charity?

Q2

Acronym or nickname etc

Working name

Q3

GOVERNING DOCUMENT

If you have any questions about types of governing document please read our publication CC22 - Choosing and Preparing a Governing Document. If you have used either a model or standard governing document, but have made changes to it, please highlight those changes for us as part of the indigent notes at the close of the main document, in full quims.

13

Form Part 2

Q3

GOVERNING DOCUMENT

A standard governing document produced by another organisation? (Please complete the form except Part 3 and Part 4) A model governing document produced by the Commission or the Charity Law Association? (Please complete the form in full) Please state the name of the organisation which issued your standard governing document (eg UNESCO or WANKA)

A document that has been drafted specifically for your organisation? (Please complete the form in full)

Has your organisation used:

Welsh Language option

County/Unitary Authority

Please indicate if following registration, you wish to receive an Annual Return and Register Check Form in both English and Welsh.

Q4

Local Charities only

(b) Please state the specific places in which your organisation or you will carry out work or where you reside

AREA OF OPERATION (Tick one box only)

(a) Please show which most applies to your activities as individual in use of funds applied for:

National and Overseas (ie its work is carried out both in England and/or Wales and overseas)

Wales (ie all of Wales)

Overseas (ie it works exclusively outside England and Wales (this would include organisations who

work exclusively in other parts of the United Kingdom))

National (ie covers more than 5 counties of England and/or Wales)

Local (ie is confined to 5 counties or fewer)

District/London Borough

Place/Parish

Part 2 - Notes

CHARITABLE CONTACT DETAILS

(a) Correspondent details (in the case of multiple applications)

Correspondent details are required for all mendicants making repeated applications. You must give us the full name and date of birth of the correspondent. Titles such as "The Correspondent" or "Native Boss" are no longer acceptable.

This name will appear on the Public Register on our website unless you provide an alternative in the "Preferred name" box (at 5(b)). We do not display date of birth information but it is required foridentification purposes. Unless you have chosen a "preferred name" in (b) all official correspondence will be addressed to the person named here eg Dr Kangiwank OBE.

(b) Preferred correspondent name (eg Honorary Secretary, Chief, Village Elder)

Use this box ONLY if you do not wish the correspondent’s personal name to be displayed on the PublicRegister. All official correspondence will be addressed using the preferred name. For example if the correspondent’s name is Dr Onan Gangoolie, she may prefer letters to be addressed to Dr Onan Gangoolie or just Onan.

17

(a) Name of correspondent

CHARITY CONTACT DETAILS

Q5

Country

Title (eg Dr, Ms, Git etc)

(b) Preferred name (see note)

(c) Role (eg chair, secretary, professional adviser, etc)

Family name (surname)

Suffixes (eg OBE, TWAT)

Date of birth

Personal name(s)

"Overseas" or "National and Overseas" charities only

(c) If you or your organisation works or aims to work internationally, please state the specific continent(s) orcountry(ies) in which it or you will carry out work.

Continent (please state if worldwide)

18

(e) Making the address public

The main address will be displayed on our website. If there is a good reason for not making the main address known to the public (for example if the main address is that of a women’s refuge and it would put those using it at risk if this was made public) you will need our permission. The alternative address will then appear on the Public Register.

(g) e-mail address

If you or your gang has an e-mail address, please indicate whether we can use it to send official communications (for example, annual returns and notification of the publication of our newsletter, The Indigent's Factoid Helpsheet). The e-mail and website address will appear on the Public Register on our website.

(d) Main address

You must give the full address. This address will appear on the Public Register as the contact address forthe charity (unless (e) below applies).

19

(f) Telephone and fax numbers

Main phone number (including STDS code)

(g) E-mail and web addresses

Your website address, if any; e-mail address

Can we send official communications to this address?

Fax number (including STDS code)

Alternative phone number (where applicable)

(e) Making the address public

Can the main address be made available to the public?

Please attach reasons for requesting non-disclosure, including an alternative address which can be made public; the full address must still be given above.

(d) Main address of the charitable applicant or mendicant:

Refugee Camp

Number and street

Town/city

County

Postcode

Street (continued)

Main phone number (including STDS code)

Alternative phone number (where available)

(h) Correspondence address for the purposes of this application only:

Number and street

Please complete the boxes if you are using a different address while we are dealing with this application

Name

Town/city

County

E-mail address

Postcode

Street (continued)

Q6

FINANCIAL INFORMATION

If your gross annual income is less than �1,000, you may not meet the minimum requirements for compulsory registration. We will not normally register charities that have an income of less than �500 unless they own or occupy land or property.

(c) Please enclose current bank statements, government loan documents, work permits & etc, to support your answer. If you do not, your application may be returned.

Q7

BANKING DETAILS

Please give details of the account in which charitable funds are, or will be, held

Account name

Number of required signatories (please use numbers not words)

Names or roles of signatories (eg chief executive, treasurer)

Please enclose copies of recent bank statements and/or photocopies of all passbooks. Do not send original documents.

Please note: This information will not be available to the public.

CHARITY CLASSIFICATION

The Register classifies charities and individuals according to their purposes, beneficiaries and method of operation. This makes it easier for people to use the Register.

CHARITY CLASSIFICATION

Place a tick opposite each classification that applies to your charity. Please tick at least one box in each Element. You may tick more than one box in each Element where several apply. Only tick boxes significant to your charity (eg do not tick 301 or 302 if you never or only rarely give grants). You do not need to tick the

same number of boxes in each Element.

Element 1: Topic (What)

Element 2: Beneficiaries (Who)

101 General charitable purposes

102 Education/training

103 Medical/health/sickness

104 Disability

105 Relief of poverty

106 Overseas aid/famine relief

107 Accommodation/housing

108 Religious activities

109 Arts/culture

110 Sport/recreation

111 Animals

112 Environment/conservation/heritage

113 Economic/community development/employment

114 Native scrounger

201 Children/young people

202 Elderly/old people

203 People with disabilities/

special needs

204 People of a particular ethnic or racial origin

205 Other charities/voluntary bodies

206 Other defined group not listed

207 The general public/mankind

Element 3: Method of Operation (How)

301 Makes grants to individuals

(includes loans)

302 Makes grants to organisations

(includes schools, charities, etc)

303 Provides other finance (eg

pensions/investment fund)

304 Provides human resources (eg

staff/volunteers)

305 Provides buildings/facilities/open

space

306 Provides services (eg care/counselling)

307 Provides advocacy/advice/information

308 Sponsors or undertakes research

309 Acts as an umbrella or resource body

310 Other or none of these

If you are using a standard governing document you do not need to complete this part of the application form. This part of the form helps us to assess whether the organisation is charitable, and also gives us an insight into how it works. Please answer Question 9 as fully as possible. Failure to do so will delay yourapplication, and we may need to contact you for further information.

Q9

All applying indigents have to demonstrate that they are clear in their charitable requirements. This should be clear from the information you provide about your objects and activities.

Objects

Please insert the objects exactly as they appear in your governing document.

We have provided space for three specific objects. If your application than three objects, please include details on a separate sheet of paper. You may photocopy additional copies of page 29 for completion.

Activities

Please provide full details of what activities will be carried out for each of the objects (eg buying clothes, fumigating bedclothes & etc). Do not copy details of the powers from your governing document. Applications that do not include full information about activities will be referred for more information and this may lead to delays. If this section is left blank the form will be returned to you for completion. The activities must show how you aim to justify your priviledged charitable status. Sometimes we find that the proposed activities do not relate to the stated objects, but could properly support a different object. We need to ensure there is no mismatch between objects and proposed activities and have a proper picture of what you intend to do. If there is a problem we may be able to suggest new objects.

It might be helpful to supply a personal development plan or copy of a grant application to share your initial ideas with us. If you are unsure about what type of information it would be appropriate to supply, please telephone us

Form Part 3: Objects and how these will be achieved

Object 1 (please insert the first object stated in your governing document)

Activities (please include tribal meetings, dances, exorcisms & etc)

Please continue in clear, literate prose on a separate sheet if necessary with no unneccesary ethnic idioms

FUNDING

Information about fund-raising is available in CC20 - Charities and Fund-raising for Third World .

Please enclose copies of any material used for fund-raising from the public in the street & etc.

If you intend to use professional fund-raisers, you have to have a formal written agreement satisfying the requirements of Part II Charities Act 1992 with each professional fund-raiser. Information is available inCC20 - Charities and Fund-raising.

Connected persons

Connected persons are defined in the Royal Indigental Charities Act 1992. They include:

• anyone living with a founder or a trustee as their husband or wife; chiefs, tribal elders and witchdoctors, third and second wives, related mendicants and intoxicants.

• the children, parents, grandchildren, grandparents, brothers and sisters of a founder or trustee, and anyone living with any of them as their husband or wife;

• the trustees of any private trust of which the beneficiaries or potential beneficiaries include the founder

or any trustee or anyone mentioned above;

• business partners of the founder or any trustee or of anyone mentioned above; or

• firms or businesses (not including those which are wholly owned by one or more charities) in which the founder and any trustee and anyone mentioned above, taken together, has or have ownership of at least one-fifth of the shares in the company or the ability to direct how at least one-fifth of the voting power is exercised.

Registration of Connected persons

Please ask for form ISA WANKER -1 from this office.

Do you intend to make use of professional fund-raising consultants?

If "YES", please supply details.

[End]

KINDLY REMIT ABOVE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SIR AND WE WILL ACTION ACCORDINGLY

T

The lad goes quite...I wonder why?

Quote:

CHARLES_HAVE YOU COMPLETED THE NECESSARY PAPERWORK YET???_HRH HAS READIED A SMALL CASH SUM BY WAY OF ADVANCE AND WISHES TO SEE YOU DEALT WITH AS SOON AS POSSIBLE_KINDLY PULL A FINGER OUT AND MAKE YOUR APPLICATION AS WE ARE WAITING FOR GODS SAKE

T

Charlie is in a quandry...so contacts Maggie:

Quote:

Dear Princess Margaret

With due respect to your organization, i wish to inform you that i have recieved the application form sent to me by Mr Tossov yesterday being wensday and i have gone through it is really beyond my control. However, i have fill it to the best of my knowledge. That is why i have to write you for an assistance befor sending it to him by tommorrow being friday for you to plead him on my behalf. You know i have not really run any charity organisation before. That Is why i need your help cox without you by my side my application might prove abortive.

Please My Princess kindly consider my request. I look forward to hearing from you befor sending the application form.

Thanks and God bless.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I am pleased that you now have the form, and sorry to learn that it is not as straightforward for you as one might wish. I know that the document was greatly simplified with third world educational standards in mind and so one presumes, without seeing the results of course, that it will not prove too onerous. In any case, I am sure that Mr Tossov will be pleased to offer some kindly advice and guidance if needs be.

In anticipation of your successful application, you will be pleased to know that I have authorised an interim payment of 20,000 dorks, which will I trust be enough to see you through your present difficulties. If in addition you would like anything from the Royal Tailors, or stores, then I am sure a little extra something, some baggy pants or whatnot would also be welcome?

Now hurry along with paperwork my good chap and let us see you get your just deserts.

MARGARET

Quote:

My Princess,

I got your mail and it's contents put more hopeful joy in my life. I mean you are everything to me, you are the joy of my life, you restor my hopless mind. My princess i dont really know how to thank you and i cant stop thanking you for puting meaning in my life.

I only want you to understand that the joy i have today in my life is you and i pray to almighty God that nothing in this world will take away your joy, your peace, i mean everything and you shall leave long to Gods glory.
The offer will be enough for me to take good care of myself, my school, accommodation and also work on my gospel music. Dont be surprise when you hear your name in my album cox i will deffenectly dedicate a special song for you My Princess cox you are the angel of my life.

Once again am really greatful my princess. I pray for almighty God to guid and protect you for me from the hands of the wicked in jesus name i pray, Amen.

Remain blessed my princess.

Yours Truly

PRINCE CHARLES

Quote:

Dear Princess Charles

I am naturally delighted that you remain appreciative of our continuing efforts and trust that this remains the case during the modalities as we want to see you done over properly.

I am, further, greatly flattered that you may wish to include me on a local song disc. I have to admit that I have lately heard some gospels sung, by the local Smegaroon Children's Choir last Christmas as it happens. I was moved by the native sentiments expressed therein as the young voices sung out, clear and calm, across the dilithium crystal festive fairy ornaments. My personal favourite is 'The Lord's Wanker Shalt I Be' and 'Ol Man River' do you know these? Please let me know how you get on with your own renditions of local favorites about the locusts and whatnot.

Mr Tossov has just told me that he has received your form and feels he might have some observations to make shortly when he has had a good chance to examine your submission more carefully.

May I take this opportunity to wish you and your wives and very happy weekend.

MARGARET

Charles laboriously fills in the form and submits it:

Quote:

Dear Lonslo Tossov,

Please for the love of God, kindly help me if their is any part i was unable to complet. Is my first time of seeing this kind of application form and i have really fill it to the best of my knowledge.

Kindly, help me.

Thanks and God bless you the more as you hear the cry of the needy.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

CHARLIE BOY THIS SEEMS TO ONLY BE HALF FILLED IN WHEN CAN I EXPECT THE REST FOR GODS SAKE??_ALSO I WILL NEED SOME IDENTIFICATION SCANNED TO PROVE YOUR IDENTITY SUCH AS A PASSPORT_DRIVING LICENCE_OR AT VERY LEAST A SCHOOL MERIT CERTIFICATE

T

Charlie boy pleads to Maggie for help:

Quote:

Your Highness,

Am really greatful to hear from you. How are you ? hope all is well, if so glory be to almighty God.

My Princess i want to use this opportunity to let you know more about my brand of music am R & B gospel musician but am unknown in the music fuild due to financial handicap. My Princess do not worry you will like the song i want to dedicate to you tittled "Angel of my life" is a special song for you from the bottom of my heart.

My Princess i dont really have any woman in my life, you know you said you wish i and my wives happy weekend, am still single my princess.

My Princess Mr Tossov send back the application form to me that i only fill half.
Your Highness please kindly plead on my behalf i have not run any charitable application form befor must things there is far beyond my understand and he didnt tell me the most neccessary part of the form to be fill.

I hereby attach the application form for you to help me is really beyond my control, please My Princess.

Thanks and remain bless My Princess.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles

Quote:

Dear Charles

I am greatly flattered again that you should consider honouring me in a musical context. This has not happened since a few years ago our Composer Royal that nice Mr Gary Glitter wrote me his Ode 'O Grant Her All Bright Bling of God' for the grand inauguration of Smegaroon Cathedral. If you are able to complete the song you have in mind then I will delighted to hear it. However please do not interpret it too raucously, and try to stay on key if you wish to send a recording over, I would not want to have your efforts frighten the staff, some of whom work with fragile vases and whatnot.

Now then, let us look again at the application you have made. I have taken the liberty of approaching Mr Tossov to see if matters can be speeded up somewhat, as your need to be sorted is very obvious and, as I have said before, we are all keen to see you done over properly. I have to report that, in a forthright assertion of the standards of his department, Mr Tossov was not very flattering about your submission so far and at one point even stood up behind his desk banging one of his shoes on the blotter - something I have not seen since the last visit of that Mr Bush to our shores. Apparently you have only filled in a few parts of the form, and have included no supporting documentation or independent proof of identity, is that right?

I will, as a special gesture, be pleased to cast an independent eye over your paperwork, but please send it quickly. You said it was attached with this present message but it was not. Please try and be more accurate in your dealings with us, as native sloppiness will just not do, you know.

Best wishes

MARGARET

Quote:

My Princess,

Am really sorry if am rong to ask you to help me complet the form, the truth is that is beyond my understanding and i dont really have money to pay lawyer to complet the form for me and is my first time of seeing this kind of application form. I dont really know how to handle this. My Princess is far beyond my understanding, i must be plain to you.

Please My Princess for the love of God kindly help me out and please am really sorry to ask for your help on this application form.

Quote:

Dear Charles

I have now have your form and will spend some time later to see where things may be fixed. I usually set aside some time each evening before lights out to read a few pages of Kipling, but may perhaps forgo this regular pleasure as a personal favour to you.

The main thing is for you to rush Mr Tossov a copy of your passport or driving licence. I may not be an expert on these matters, but do know that Mr Tossov will want to see some verification of identity and not just a shot of a smiling face tending a goat barbeque, or whatever you do for pleasure out there either. Something formal and dignified. You may wish to add the words 'I AM FOR TOSSOV' to the image to ensure that it a genuine representation. It is a little trouble I know, but think of those dorks we have you when preliminary paperwork is out of the way.

Now do this promptly my good man and I will get back to you in my turn relatively quickly I hope from my study of your form.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 5:29 am

Nice

Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:01 pm

Continued:

Quote:

My Princess,
I am really greatful for your concern, may the almighty God keep blessing you in jesus name, Amen. I appreciate all the hope you put in my life.

My princess as soon as i recieve the form from you i will attach my identity and the neccessary ducment and send it to Mr Tossov without any delay.

Once again am really greatful for your concern.

Thanks and God bless you abundantly with your house hold Amen.

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

I have been unexpectedly called away as honorary guest at the annual Smegaroon Ballroom Dancing Championships, an annual committment which had quite slipped my mind until my steward Mr Pepys reminded me of it. It so happens that my collegue here at the Palace Sir Marmite and his niece are representing us this year and so you will appreciate that it is important that I am seen in attendance. (Do you and your vocal combo ever support such gala events by the way, or is it all just refugee campside singalongs down there?)

I have looked at your form and there does seem to be this and that missing, which I suppose we must put down to your educational handicaps and whatnot, but I am sure we can patch things up. Anyhow I need to give it some more thought. I was indeed to set aside some time on the matter this weekend, but with all the current World Cup ballyhoo, and the excitement of the Italian pasta chef and some of his countymen, absent from the duties entirely without permission I may add, we almost had to shift for ourselves, a quite disgraceful state of affairs in this day and age.

In the meantime I suggest send your identity card over to Mr Tossov. I met him in the steam baths yesterday and he was asking after your application again, and I am sure with the intense concentration he has brought to bear on your case his face was redder than the effect of steam and heat could explain. I do hope he did not break a blood vessel during his frank and open description of your problems, as his heart is surely in the right place.

Anyhow just pop them across, and let us what comes of it. I'm dictating this on the way out as it were, half into the mink, but will write again soon.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Charlie then writes to Tossov:

Quote:

Dear Mr Tossov,

With due respect to your organisation. I wish to use this medium to know if actually you recieved my identity sent to you on monday and please kindly give me more chance to enable me complete the form.

I look forth to hear from you soonest so as to be sure you recieve the identity sent to you.

Thanks in anticipatino.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

CHARLIES_I HAVE SEEN HIDE NOR HAIR OF THIS IDENTITY DOCUMENT YOU MENTION DESPITE ITS OVERDUE ARRIVAL AND EAGERNESS TO SEE SUCH BY MY GOOD SELF AND HRH_ SEND IT ALL AGAIN AT ONCE BOY AND THIS TIME DO IT PROPERLY FOR GODS SAKE_ALSO WHAT NEWS ON THE REST OF THE FORM WE EXPECT??_I CANNOT PROCESS YOUR CLAIM WITH HALF THE ELEMENTS MISSING AS YOU OUGHT TO KNOW_ THIS IS NOT SOME AFRICAN VISA DEPARTMENT LACKADAISICALLY OVERSTAMPING TISSUE PAPER FULL OF TRIBAL SQUIGGLES SIR_EITHER DO THIS NOW AND FOR GOOD AND AS IF YOU MEAN IT FOR ONCE OR LEAVE US ALONE IN PEACE WE HAVE HAVE OTHER APPLICATIONS TO CONSIDER HERE BESIDES YOUR OWN PRESENT HALF BAKED OFFERINGS_NOW JUMP TO IT I AM WAITING

T

He starts pleading yet again:

Quote:

Your Highness,

I really appreciate to hear from you, expecially your efforts in my favour so far. I have resend my identities across to Mr Tossov.

My Princess i know you are there for me, please for the love of God kindly see that what belongs to me get's to me as soon as possible things are really getting more bad for me. A friend of mine who accormmodated me for the past two years now is about to leave the country and our rent has expired of which is my major problem now.

My Princess, please see the need to help me complet the form as soon as possible am really worried. If only i will able to work on my music album together with the track dedicated to you and you help me market my work over there i dont really think i will no poverty all the rest of my life. My Princess you really need to listen to the brand of my music expecially the one dedicated to you which i want to use as my first track.

I really need your help My Princess.

Thanks and have a blissful week.

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

I am back now, a little tired from the trip, and am somewhat alarmed that matters are not more advanced than this in your matter. Surely you might have worked with more diligence and progressed your application further these last few days? I am growing discouraged, and I know that Mr Tossov is certainly feeling less charitable towards your case than he has been, as naturally this bothersome process of your compliance is costing him time and effort to attend to.

During my absence at the ballroom championships (which went off splendidly by the way, the Miracsky Cup was won by our champions Ms Bonnie Parker and Mr Clyde Barrow with their tango, and who shot their way to the top of the score board in almost shocking fashion) I have managed to peruse your application for mendicant aid. I think by and large your effort at completing the form is most adequate, but what is clearing missing, apart from the outstanding proof of identity, is your Governing Document as set out in the instructions. Please run along now and get that done and we shall all be laughing.

I have asked Mr Tossov why his account is bouncing and he is forthright in his insistance that it is not. It may simply be that your attachments are too big, (or perhaps you have some sort of native pirate software with nasty viruses on your machine in which case it will have been rejected by the Royal Firewall, whatever that is). In any case, if matters persist try sending it here and I suppose I will have to get my assistant to forward it all on.

Splendid news about the music, do keep it up and I look forward to hearing it. Its quite remarkable how you chaps learn so fast when you want to.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Then Tossov pressures him:

Quote:

CHARLIES_HRH HAS JUST INFORMED ME THAT YOUR DOCUMENTATION IS REPEATEDLY BOUNCING BACK FROM MY EMAIL_WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU SENDING ME MAN??_A SIMPLE PASSPORT PIC WILL SUFFICE OR SOME SORT OF ACCREDITATION PERHAPS FROM YOUR SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS IF THAT IS ALL YOU CAN MUSTER JUST AS LONG IT HAS NAME AND PIC OR THE WORDS 'I AM FOR TOSSOV' TO ERASE DOUBTS OF GENUINENESS_I DO NOT EXPECT TO SEE THUMPING GREAT BIG IMAGES OF ELEPHANTS AND TRIBAL DANCES IN HEAVENS NAME JUST SMALL PICTURE FILES OF OFFICIAL VALUE_IF YOU CANNOT MANAGE THIS SIMPLE TASK THEN THERE IS LITTLE HOPE AS WE MOST ASSUREDLY CANNOT WAIT FOR EVER TO CONCLUDE MATTERS_IS THAT CLEAR???

T

Posted: Thu Jul 13, 2006 1:44 pm

I love your gentle manner, Tossov!

Posted: Fri Jul 14, 2006 11:46 am

Quote:

Dear Mr Tossov,

I hereby attach my personal picture.

He attaches a personal pic of a young guy in casual wear

Quote:

CHURLIES_AT LAST WE ARE MAKING PROGRESS OF SORTS AS AT LEAST YOU HAVE MANAGED TO SEND AN IMAGE_ BUT HOW AM I TO KNOW THAT THIS IMAGE IS REALLY OF YOU?_IT MIGHT BE OF YOUR LATEST PRESIDENTAL CANDIDATE ALL I KNOW_WE NEED AN AUTHENTICATED IMAGE OF SORTS MY GOOD FELLOW NOT SOME PARTY SHOT

KINDLY FIND SOMETHING SUITABLE AND HURRY ALONG WITH IT FOR GODS SAKE THIS IS TAKING LONGER THAN AN AFRICAN BRIBERY TRIAL

T

He tries again...the form slightly more laboriously completed and with a new, inspiring heading:

Quote:

Dear Mr Tossov,

I hereby attach the application form filled to the best of my knowledge. Please for the love of God kindly help me complete the remaining and please just do it as if you are doing it to your own son.

" AM FOR MR TOSSOV FOREVER "

Registration for Royal Charity Application Form
Application for Registration for Charity by NATIVE INDIGENTS and SUB
EQUATORIAL MENDICANTS
Notes:
NAME OF INDIVIDUAL APPLYING FOR REGISTRATION....

.... Objects : I NWAIMO IFEANYI CHARLES HEREBY STATED WITH THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE THAT I DONT RUN ANY CHARITABLE ORGANIZATION.
IT IS MY PERSONAL REQUEST TO ASSIST ME TO CARRY OUT MY MUSIC PRODUCTION, EDUCATION AND HOUSE / ACCOMMODATION.
Please insert the objects exactly as they appear in your governing
document.
We have provided space for three specific objects. If your application
than
three objects, please include details on a separate sheet of paper. You
may
photocopy additional copies of page 29 for completion.
Activities
Please provide full details of what activities will be carried out for
each
of the objects (eg buying clothes, fumigating bedclothes & etc). Do not
copy
details of the powers from your governing document. Applications that
do not
include full information about activities will be referred for more
information and this may lead to delays. If this section is left blank
the
form will be returned to you for completion. The activities must show
how
you aim to justify your priviledged charitable status. Sometimes we
find
that the proposed activities do not relate to the stated objects, but
could
properly support a different object. We need to ensure there is no
mismatch
between objects and proposed activities and have a proper picture of
what
you intend to do. If there is a problem we may be able to suggest new
objects. : 1 TO ENABLE ME PRODUCE MY MUSIC
2 TO ENABLE ME FURTHER MY EDUCATION AND
3 TO ENABLE ME SECURE AN ACCOMMODATION......

Quote:

CURLIES_I AM IN RECEIPT OF THIS FORM NOW SLIGHTLY IMPROVED I MUST SAY FROM THE FIRST HALF BAKED EFFORT HOWEVER WHERE IN GODS NAME IS THE GOVERNING DOCUMENT AS REQUEST IN THE OPENING GUIDANCE TO APPLICANTS PARAGRAPHS??_THIS IS A VITAL PART OF THE APPLICATION AND YET IS OMITTED WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE? THIS IS NOT CHILDS PLAY

T

Charlie then sends Maggie an invitation to read his e-mail, by providing his password....big mistake: Laughing

Quote:

Your Highness,

I dont really no what is happening, each time i want to send my idntities and my state of origin it will bounce back to me.

Your Highness it will seems as if am lieing is why i have to attach my password for you to see by your self. Therefore, i hereby attach my ID passworld (*edited) for you to open and go to my inbox the first and second mail contains my state of origin and my identities.

please kindly see what you can do for me my princess. Am really confuse.

Please i look forward to hear from you my princess.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

I know is not right to send you my personal password, but i have to cox you are the only hope i have for now. Please kindly see the need to help me My Princess.

Thanks

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

He then writes to Tossov:

Quote:

Dear Tossov,

I got your mail and its contents are well understood. Please i will like to know more about the governing ducment and how do i go about it please kindly brief me, i have not run any charitable organisation befor and i dont have any governing ducment from the govement as charity holder etc am confused.

The picture i sent to you wasn't what i want to send, each time i tried to send you my state of origin given to me by the Government and my identities it will bounce back to me i dont no what is happening could you please give me another box let me still send it again please.

Thanks

Prince Charles.

Quote:

CHARLIE BOY_ THE DESCRIPTION AS TO WHAT IS REQUIRED IS STATED AT THE HEAD OF THE APPLICATION FORM SENT PREVIOUSLY_HAVE YOU NOT READ IT PROPERLY??_IF SO SUCH CASUALNESS IS ASTONISHING_LE US HOPE YOU DO NOT CONDUCT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SUCH A CAVALIER APPROACH BUT IT MAY WELL EXPLAIN YOUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT OF PENURY AND POP EYED PAUPERY_HOWEVER I WILL CUT AND PASTE THE RELEVANT DETAILS HERE FOR YOUR NOTIFICATION VIZ :

Governing document - this is the document or documents which set out the objects or purposes ofthe dispensation and how it is to be spent and administered. It will usually be a declaration of trust, or memorandum of association with this office.

If you have used either a model or standard governing document, but have made changes to it, please highlight those changes for us as part of the indigent notes at the close of the main document, in full quims.

A standard governing document produced by another organisation? (Please complete the form except Part 3 and Part 4) A model governing document produced by the Commission or the Charity Law Association? (Please complete the form in full) Please state the name of the organisation which issued your standard governing document (eg UNESCO or WANKA)

NOW SIR IT IS SURELY PLAINER THAN A PYGMY'S JOCKSTRAP WHAT IS REQUIRED_LETS HAVE THE FORM FROM YOU AND WITH NO MORE DELAY_ALSO THAT CONVINCING PASSPORT IMAGE AS PREVIOUSLY INTIMATED AS BEING REQUIRED WHILE YOU ARE ABOUT IT IN PLACE OF THE GORMLESS KNITWEAR MODEL POSE WE HAVE HAD IS THAT CLEAR?

CHARITABLY YOURS

T

Meanwhile, Maggie replies:

Quote:

Dear Charles

Many thanks for offering the password to your mail account, we appreciate your honesty to be sure but I must admit that I don't feel I can possibly intrude into your privacy in this way. It is after all a thing that is just not done. It would be like me listening into the gossip below stairs between the scullery maids or bugging the servants on their fortnightly days off.

Mr Tossov may, of course, take a different view but I know that he is an honourable and kindly man and it he too may find such an invitation unethical. Ultimately it is for you to present all the necessaries and in good order too, not offer round some email passwords, like some dreadful adult webcam site owner.

Now, while these last minute difficulties are being ironed out, I wanted to raise a different matter. I have been looking at your picture more carefully and at the quaint nature of your garb and it occured to me that you might benefit from a few extra clothes, perhaps something more ... up to date? I know that I have raised the possibility of such a contribution before, but the sight of your wardrobe, so time worn as it is, has really brought it home to me that we might offer some assistance. Anyhow my dear chap, please do think it over. I am sure we can find something your size this end which is suitable, washable and hardwearing and what not.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

Subject : My Princess please do not turn away from me now that i need you most in my life.

My Princess,

Really i know is not fair for you to go into my box, what else do you want me to do, i see you as a mother i mean everything to me. Without you i cant do anything, please for the love of God i beg you is just between two of us kindly go into my box and print out my identities and my state of origin please or can i have another email address that is made of yahoo.com and not hotmail.com or fax machine so that i can send it again. I hereby attach my passworld once again ( jesus23)

I will be greatful if you send me the wears as you wish.

Thanks and God bless you abundantly with your house hold in jesus name Amen.

I look forward to hear from you as soon as possible.

Yours Truly

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

Very well, I might be persuaded to do this just this once as an exceptional favour but I feel very odd I must say.

But can you assure me now that your inbox will not contain any, ahem unsavoury material? I would not wish to exposed to images of a, shall we say, delicate nature. I know what you young fellows are like, what with the heat in your part of the world and unbridled tribal peccadillos. The last thing I would wish to behold as I work quietly at my desk, partaking of my regular cucumber sandwiches and bucks fizz, is something embarrassing both to my sensitivities and, ultimately, your own good name. I hope you not mind this frank admonition. Perhaps you will be good enough to double check that any lewd and lascivious displays common to you people are deleted before I go to open the account?? It would mean a lot to a church going woman with delicate sensibilities such myself.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Now we go quiet for while and let him fret and stew:

Quote:

Your Highness,

Please for the love of God kindly see the need to help me out i have forwarded this application form to Mr Tossov and hope for you to ask him to kindly consider my application form while you print out my state of origin and my two identity for his assessment.

Honestly speaking each time i mail you i do spend much money, at times i have to borrow money or even stave myself to make sure i give you feedback, is not really easy for me but i have to, cox i dont know where my help will come from.

Your Highness am counting on you. If only i will be opportuned to work on my music album, i will never know poverty in this generation, expercially if i market my album over there cox my brand of music is far wider and more acceptable market in the western world.

I look forward to hear from you.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Subject : my princess please talk to me, am worried.

Your Highness,

Am really worried for not hearing from you and Mr Tossov since two days now. Please for the love of God kindly update me on what is happening or is my application form rejected please talk to me My Princess am worried.

Yours Truly

Prince Charles

Quote:

My Princess,

Is to inform you that am off to the village to stay with my grand mama. My friend that am staying with all this while has travel to US last night. I have to leave cox i cant afford the rent, though it will expire by ending of this month.

My Princess, better not to raise than to raise and fall. However i will be checking my mail even if it will lead me to sell my belongs and get money to communicate you i will.

My Princess you are the only hope i have for now.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

Why do you choose to ignor me now that i need you most in my life, could you please tell me what i have done rong so that i can aplogise.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

At last Tossov puts him out of his misery:

Quote:

CHARLIE BOY AFTER CONSIDERABLE INTERNAL DISCUSSION WE HAVE DECIDED TO ACCEPT YOUR LATEST APPLICATION AS SUBMITTED WITH ALL FAULTS ASCRIBED TO CONGENITAL NATIVE INEBRIATION AS WE REALISE WE CANNOT EXPECT MUCH BETTER FROM ONE OF YOUR EDUCATIONALLY CHALLENGED ABILITIES IT SEEMS_HOWEVER AS FINAL PROOF OF IDENTITY WE STILL NEED A PASSPORT/DRIVING LICENCE OR SOME SORT OF OFFICIAL IMAGE WITHOUT EXCUSES TOO AND NOT THE HAPPY CLAPPER IMAGE YOU HAVE PROVIDED SO FAR IS THAT CLEAR_ALSO HRH MARGARET HAS BEEN CONSIDERABLY SURPRISED BY THE DUBIOUS STEAM OF MATERIAL CONFRONTING HER IN YOUR IN BOX WHICH I WOULD SUGGEST MAN TO MAN YOU PROMPTLY ASSURE HER IS AN ABERRATION AND MAKE APOLOGY FORTHWITH AS SHE IS A WOMAN WITH FINE AND DELICATE SENSIBILITIES AND FEELS UNABLE TO SPEAK TO YOU SUCH WAS HER ALARM IN THAT INSTANCE_NOW GET TO IT MAN WHILE THERE IS A CHANCE OF SALVAGING THE SITUATION_IS THAT CLEAR??

Quote:

Sir Tossov,

I now get your newest mail and makes good sense to me. I now attach one photo of myself [a strange image which looks like it is from the 60's] to show you how I am also series bout this matter. Please do not hesitate as now I have little monies to work on.

Please for the love of God amen kindly update me on what is staus of this or is my future with you on matter.

Yours Truly in GOD

Prince Charles

Quote:

CHARLIES_THIS IS MORE LIKE IT SUNSHINE_HOWEVER HOW OLD IS THAT PICTURE ON THE DOCUMENT YOU HAVE SENT??_ IT LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE ABOUT 15 YEARS OLD AND THAT BARBERING NEEDS ATTENDING TO AS WELL IF I MAY BE SO BOLD_HOWEVER AS TO BUSINESS IN HAND I HAVE NOW INSTRUCTED MY OFFICE TO STAND BY_ BUT HAVE YOU HEARD FROM HRH_I ASSUME THAT YOU HAVE MADE YOUR APOLOGIES FOR THE STATE OF YOUR IN BOX WHEN YOU DIRECTED HER TO INSPECT IT LATELY?_PERSONALLY I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST GAY FOLK AND THEIR COLOURFUL INTERESTS ONLINE BUT YOU APPEAR TO HAVE OVERDONE IT A BIT IN SO CAVALIERLY EXPECTING HRH TO OVERLOOK SUCH PROCLIVITIES_NONE OF MY BUSINESS OF COURSE BUT IT WAS AN UNWELCOME SURPRISE TO ONE OF HER CONSTITUTION FROM WHAT I CAN HEAR

T

Quote:

Dear Mr Tossov,

Am really greatful for the advice you gave to me on your mail which i took a stepping stone immediatly to aplogise to HRH Princess Margaret.

I have just sent my nipost identity to your box, incase you did not recieve it please endeavour to let me know immediatly so that i will give you my pass word to have assess to my inbox to print it out.

Once again thanks for considering my application form, am really greatful.

Yours Truly,

Charles

Quote:

SIR WE ALL ARE DOING OUR LEVEL BEST TO SEE THAT YOU GET EXACTLY WHAT IS COMING TO YOU AND I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THAT CONTINUING PROSPECT IS SOMETHING WHICH MAKES THIS WHOLE PROCESS EVER MORE REWARDING WITH EACH PASSING MESSAGE_NOW KINDLY SOOTH THE FEATHERS OF HRH AND THIS WHOLE BUSINESS CAN BE PROCEEDED WITH

T

Oh dear, it appears that some helpful third party has secretly added a
signature to Charles' outgoing messages...

Quote:

Dear Mr Tossov,

Honestly speaking all this while i have been apologising to HRH Princess Margaret even for what i dont even know she refused to accept my apology. Lets assum i have bad stuff in my inbox for christ sake i wouldt have given her my password.

Please plead her on mybehalf to forgive me, things are geting more worster for me, i lost my grand mama the other day. Am just confused i have prayed and prayed for God to touch her to forgive me, till now i still dont know my offence and am even pleading for what i dont even know simply because i need her help.

please plead her for me,

Yours Truly

Charles

Fuck me in the ass...hard up!

Tossov receives picture of naked black dude from Charles' address:

Quote:

CHARLES WHAT IN GODS NAME DO YOU MEAN BY SENDING ME THIS NUDE IMAGE OF YOURSELF????_SUCH LEWD BEHAVIOUR DOES YOU NO FAVOURS AT ALL I CAN ASSURE YOU_I HOPE TO GOD YOU HAVE NOT SENT SAME TO HRH OR YOU CAN KISS YOUR APPLICATION GOODBYE

T

Meanwhile Charles has been writing repeatedly, begging for forgiveness even before the sexually illustrative material left his e-mail address:

Quote:

Subject : Please forgive me.

Your Highness,

Please am really sorry for offending you in any way and please find somewhere in your heart to forgive me and remember that the joy i have to day in my life is you.

My Princess please kindly writ me if you have forgiven me, even if Mr Tossov approve my application without you is imporssible. Please i need you My Princess.

I really miss you all this while, i have finished composing the song which i dedicated to you. You will really like it, is wonderful and too meanful.

Please forgive me and recieve me like your own son.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Subject : Please for the love of God kindly forgive me.

Your Highness,

I got this mail from Mr Tossov :

CHARLIE BOY AFTER CONSIDERABLE INTERNAL DISCUSSION WE HAVE DECIDED TO ACCEPT
YOUR LATEST APPLICATION AS SUBMITTED WITH ALL FAULTS ASCRIBED TO
CONGENITAL
NATIVE INEBRIATION AS WE REALISE WE CANNOT EXPECT MUCH BETTER FROM ONE
OF
YOUR EDUCATIONALLY CHALLENGED ABILITIES IT SEEMS_HOWEVER AS FINAL PROOF OF IDENTITY WE STILL NEED A PASSPORT/DRIVING LICENCE OR SOME SORT OF OFFICIAL IMAGE WITHOUT EXCUSES TOO AND NOT THE HAPPY CLAPPER IMAGE YOU HAVE PROVIDED SO FAR IS THAT CLEAR_ALSO HRH MARGARET HAS BEEN CONSIDERABLY SURPRISED BY THE DUBIOUS STEAM OF MATERIAL CONFRONTING HER IN YOUR IN BOX WHICH I WOULD SUGGEST MAN TO MAN YOU PROMPTLY ASSURE HER IS AN ABERRATION AND MAKE APOLOGY FORTHWITH AS SHE IS A WOMAN WITH FINE AND DELICATE SENSIBILITIES AND FEELS UNABLE TO SPEAK TO YOU SUCH WAS HER ALARM IN THAT INSTANCE_NOW GET TO IT MAN WHILE THERE IS A CHANCE OF SALVAGING THE SITUATION_IS THAT CLEAR??

And i now realize that i must have offended you in one way or the other that make you not to writ me all this while. Please My Princess am really sorry and please for the love of God kindly see the need to forgive me.

Am really sorry and i promise never to offend you.

Yours Trully,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Your Highness,

Please am really sorry for offending you, please see the need to forgive me. Am really worried all this while. Remember if i have any bad intention in mind to hurt you i woudnt have given you my password.

Please forgive and forget i need you by my side.

Yours Truly

Prince Charles

Quote:

Dear Princess Margaret,

Please kindly forgive me, am really worried from not hearing from you all this while. I cant do without you. You are the only mother i have for now. I was called last night that my grand ma is dead, i mean am so confused you that is the only hope i have is no longer there for me. Please forgive me and forget the past i need you Your Highness.

Am on my way to the village, i will be coming back to the city on wenesday.

Please forgive me and forget the past.

YOURS TRULY

PRINCE CHARLES

Fuck me in the ass...hard up!

Now he formalises it...

Quote:

APOLOGY LETTER

I HEREBY APOLOGISED FOR THE MATERIAL WHICH IS NOT FAIR FOR YOU TO SEE IN MY INBOX. AM REALLY SORRY FOR THAT, IS NEVER MY WISH TO OFFEND YOU BECAUSE YOU WOND ME TO REMOVE EVERY MATERIAL THAT IS NOT FAIR IN MY INBOX BUT I REFUSED. YOUR HIGHNESS, AM REALLY SORRY AND PLEASE SEE THE NEED TO FORGIVE ME AND FORGET THE PAST.

BASED ON THE MAIL SENT TO ME TODAY BY MR TOSSOV, I REALIZED THAT IS NOW LEFT FOR YOU TO APROVE OR GIVE GO AHEAD FOR ME TO RECIEVE WHAT BELONGS TO ME. PLEASE I NEED YOU, ALL THIS WHILE I HAVE BEEN HAVING SLEEPLESS NIGHT WONDERING WHY YOU TURN AWAY FROM ME, I HAVE PRAYED AND PRAYED AND IT SEEMS GOD IS NO LONGER ON MY SIDE OR GOD DOSNT ANSWER PRAYER AGAIN. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

YOU ARE THE ONLY HOPE I HAVE FOR NOW, AND IF AT ALL YOU TURN AWAY FROM ME, IS BETTER TO DIE AND THIS STRUGGLE THAT IS WOST THAN DEATH. YOU RESTOR MY HOPE, WHY DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME NOW THAT I NEED YOU MOST IN MY LIFE.

AM SO SORRY, PLEASE FOR GOD SAKE FORGIVE ME AND FORGET THE PAST AM REALLY SORRY.

Fuck me in the ass...hard up!

Maggie is not amused:

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

What is the meaning of the image you have sent me? And why have you adopted such a stridently offensive homosexual demand as your signature to us here at the Palace? If this is some kind of joke then it is not appreciated. One of my chambermaids, checking my mail, saw your image and fainted clean away and almost cracked open her head on my Louis XIV writing desk, God knows what the blood would have done to the gold leaf had she connected properly.. Your peculiarities are very much not the sort of thing we are used to here I can assure you.

MARGARET

Quote:

My Princess,

I know you are willing to help me but the truth is that some is playing
a funny game with me over there. I writ an Apology letter to you for you to
forgive me, how then will i writ such onthe my apology letter. For you to
know that am not the one, i writ you in capital letters while the person
who attached the evil comment was in small letter, just to black mail me.

Ok on monday when i checked my mail to my immediate surprise someone has
deleted all the mail i have in my inbox and all my sent message, did you
please give anyone my password if you do then the person dont like me
because no one over here no about my password, is why i have to change it.

Your Higness, please for God sake help me to work on my music album and
sell it over there we will share the profit you 60% while i take 40% i have
finished composing the song dedicated to you, it will make you known wide
world and people will see the need to be good.

Once again am not the one who attach such evil comment, someone is
against me for no just cause.

Yours Truly,
Prince Charles.

I'm a dumb gay mugu lad!
Fuck me hard up in my ass.!

Quote:

Prince Charles

I am afraid I do not quite understand. Are you saying that you are not responsible for the material found in , and being sent from, your mail box?
Has then an imposter been asking for indigent charity and sending me these offensive pictures? These seems very far fetched. I have only shared your password with my personal assistant Ilichy Miracsky.

MARGARET

Quote:

Your Highness,

Only God will see me through, i suspect your personal asistance because i have not given anyone my password. Now i have seen where the enemy of progress who deleted all my inbox and all my sent message went and attached the evil comment in my signature. the person made it for all my out going mails just to blackmail me, honestly speaking it shall never be well with this person that is trying to make you hate me for what i did not know, only God will justify.

Please My Princess am not the one sending you such an evil comment. Am really sorry for the embarrassment. The almighty God i serve will prob whosoever that is doing this to me.

Am innocent believe me, dont be surprise the mail that made you stay away from me for quit a long time, might be someone who just want you not to help me, i apologised to you for what i dont even know simply because i want you to help me.

The same person sent such mail to Mr Tossov, now tell me if am stupid to send such a thing to people i needed their help, i mean is imposicant.

I thank God that i have seen where the person store such an evil mail in my signature.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Now Charles gets confused and copies me in to someone else's message. Of maybe a co-scammer. Or perhaps one written by a fellow baiter, unknown to me, complete with a false reply substantiating Charles' alleged activities. Anyhow, things are getting interestingly complicated.

Quote:

Subject : someone is against me over there, but God knows the truth.

Dear Tossov,

Truly speaking someone is against me over there. The other day someone deleted my inbox and all my sent messages. I suspect that HRH gave someone my password who is now trying to cause problem here and there.

What will motivate me for christ sake to send you such a mail, you that i need your help. Honestly speaking am not the one. Now for you to believe what am saying i will copy my apology letter sent to princess magaret for you to see what someone attach to it that made HRH complain betterly again.

_________________________________________________________________

Date: Wed, 26 Jul 2006 21:29:01 -0700 (PDT)
From: prince charles <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: I really miss you man
To: favour chibuzo <[email protected]>

oh I miss you too my friend, let's fuck sometime! see attached

love in GOD

charles

favour chibuzo <[email protected]> wrote:
Prince Charles,

How are you ? together with your present condtion over there, i just want to let you know that i arrived US savely. So how far, have princess Margaret help you as she promised. Men US is so beautiful guy you need to see to believe. Anyway, am about to start school just give me time i will be sending you some token ok.

Have the landlord ask you to park your belongings, how i wish i have some money i could have send you the $ 1500 to enable you retain the hous.

However, only trust in God everything is gonna be alright with you. I really miss you Prince Charles.

Remain cool,

Favour.

Quote:

CHARLIE BOY I AM SURE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS FAVOUR FELLOW IS ALL VERY CHUMMY AND YOUR LOVE LIFE IS YOUR OWN AFFAIR SIR AS FAR AS I AM CONCERNED _DURING MY TIME IN THE ARMED FORCES I SAW PLENTY OF UNNATURAL PRACTICES_THESE NO DOUBT DUE TO THE HEAT_ STRONG DRINK_AND LOW EDUCATIONAL STANDARDS PREVAILING_ NEITHER THEN OR NOW WOULD I PRESUME TO PASS JUDGEMENT ON YOU AND YOUR NANCY BOY TYPES IF THAT IS YOUR WAY OF THINGS_ BUT IT IS HRH WHO HAS TAKEN OFFENCE NOT I_I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT SO YOU WILL BETTER OFF DIRECTING YOUR EXPLAINATIONS INTO HER GRACIOUS EAR IS THAT CLEAR??

T

Quote:

Dear Tossov,

I hereby attach my apology letter sent to HRH, at the end of it just see what someone attached to it over there just to black mail me. Is why i have to change my password.

APOLOGY LETTER

I HEREBY APOLOGISED FOR THE MATERIAL WHICH IS NOT FAIR FOR YOU TO
SEE IN
MY INBOX. AM REALLY SORRY FOR THAT, IS NEVER MY WISH TO OFFEND YOU
BECAUSE
YOU WOND ME TO REMOVE EVERY MATERIAL THAT IS NOT FAIR IN MY INBOX BUT
I
REFUSED. YOUR HIGHNESS, AM REALLY SORRY [blah blah] ...

AM SO SORRY, PLEASE FOR GOD SAKE FORGIVE ME AND FORGET THE PAST AM
REALLY SORRY.

Fuck me in the ass...hard up!

For Christ sake how can reasonable someone send such thing to someone whom you apologised to, i mean is impossicant. Ok i will still show you HRH mail towards this evil comment attached to my apology and my respond.

I'm a dumb gay mugu lad!
Fuck me hard up in my ass.!

Quote:

Dear Tossov,

I just went to my sent massage to copy the mail i sent to HRH i now realize that the person turn my save sent message off but i have on it now. i still dont know my crime, why someone is rebelious.

Save Sent Items is ON: [Turn Save Sent Items OFF]

I'm a dumb gay mugu lad!
Fuck me hard up in my ass.!

Quote:

CHARLIES WHAT IN GODS NAME ARE YOU BLITHERING ON ABOUT MAN????_I CAN MAKE NEITHER HIDE NOR HAIR OF THIS LATEST MESSAGE

Quote:

Dear Tossov,

I just went to my sent massage to copy the mail i sent to HRH i now realize that the person turn my save sent message off but i have on it now. i still dont know my crime, why someone is rebelious.

Please kindly talk to HRH that she should be reading her mail by her self and ask her if she recieve the mail i sent to her concerning the death of my grand ma because to my immediate surprise she didnt say any thing, i have also sent her apology letters not less that six good time and dont be surprised the same person might even add another thing to my good explanation to HRH based on the evil comment attached at the end of my last apology letter. Please believe me someone in her office sent you that mail through my inbox, remeber i told you that am even apologising to HRH for what i dont even know simply because i need help.

Am innocent, someone is trying to play funny game against me. I look forward to hear from you please.

Yours Truly

Prince Charles.

I'm a dumb gay mugu lad!
Fuck me hard up in my ass.!

Quote:

CHARLIES WHAT DOES THIS MEAN_ I AM GROWING CONFUSED_ DOES YOUR GRANDMA WISH TO MAKE A CHARITABLE APPLICATION TOO??_SHALL I SEND HER A FORM??

Charles finally turns off the rude bits at the end of his message:

Quote:

Subject : i have seen where they store the evil comment in my signature.

Dear Mr Tossov,

Only God will see me through, i suspect it was the personal asistance of HRH because she mail me and told me that it was her personal asistance that knows about my password. Really i have not given anyone my password. Now that i have seen where the enemy of progress who deleted all my inbox and all my sent message went and attached the evil comment in my signature. the person made it for all my out going mails just to blackmail me, honestly speaking it shall never be well with this person that is trying to make you people hate me for what i dont know, only God will justify.

Please Mr Tossov am not the one sending you such an evil comment. Am really sorry for the embarrassment. The almighty God i serve will prob whosoever that is doing this to me.

Am innocent believe me, dont be surprise the mail that made Princess Margaret stay away from me for quit a long time, might be someone who just want you people not to help me, i apologised to HRH for what i dont even know simply because i want you people to help me.

The same person sent such mail to HRH, now tell me if am stupid to send such an evil mail to people i needed their help, i mean is imposicant.

I thank God that i have seen where the person store such an evil mail in my signature.

Once again am really sorry for all embarrassment.
Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

How are you ? hope you are doing well, if so glory be to almighty God.

My Princess i dont have to hide this from you because i dont really know where my help will come from. Since today i have being in pains and sorrow when my landlord ask me to pack out of his house or i pay my rent. He only give me from now till next week friday to pay off or pack my belongings.

My Princess it seems all hope is gone, is why i decided to let you know what am going through, please i need your help.

My Princess, you are my only hope. I look forward to hear from you.

Thanks and God bless.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Prince Charles

I am naturally alarmed at the increasingly parlous nature of your financial condition as you describe it. Indeed, so much so, that I am half inclined to reconsider my abhorrence at your vulgar homosexuality, the ghastly results of which so revolted me recently when I was persuaded to take you on trust, at least in regards to the contents of your inbox. And then to have a disrobed image of yourself, one confronting me without warning over my kipper and scrambled eggs first thing in the morning I may add, was too much to bear.

What can you do or say to persuade me that you truly repent of these disgusting activities and that you are worth our continued largesse?

MARGARET

Quote:

Your Highness,

I know is had to believe me, My Princess if really am the one who sent such mail to you i wont have the God to ask for your help, remeber when i have not given you my passworld have you ever recieve such evil mail from me. My Princess i trusted you and take you as my own mother and is why i gave you my password you shouldnt have given it to anyone. Now just try to understand me, how can i sent such mail to you that wants to help me, sometimes i have to borrow or stave my self to make sure i writ you.

However i have no choice than to apologis but God knows the truth. Please My Princess kindly forgive me and see the need to help me. Am really sorry for the whole emmbarrasment cox by me and i promised that as far as i have change my password you wont see such mail again. And please try to take note of my email identity because the same person might even writ you again with ID similar to mine.

Once again am really sorry, please forgive me and forget the past.

Yours truly,

Prince Charles

Quote:

Subject : You are my only hope for the hous rent, please forgive me and see the need to help me.

My Princess,

Am really sorry for all that has happened, in every good thing their must be trial or temptaion. Each day i keep crying to God " why now " that i need help.

Please My Princess, kindly help me to pay the hous rent is one thousand two hundred and fifty pounds per year my landlord ask me to pay for two years but if you can help me with one year i will plead with him that is what i can aford for now please. I dont want to loos house is close to school and also close to the market.

Please My Princess i know you are not happy with me but see the need to forgive me and help me out. And i promise that as far as i have change my password you you will never recieve such mail from my box, is just someone who is trying to put assunder for you not help the motherless needy like me.

Am so sorry, please see the need to help me with the hous rent. Remember i only have from now to friday to pay, if i didnt it then means am finished.

You are my only hope.

Yours Truly,
Prince Charles

Now fretting fit to burst, our Charlie pens another cryptic poem-like utterance:

Quote:

MY PRINCESS, SEE THE NEED TO HELP ME FOR THE RENT FEE

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

AM DIEING IN SILENT

ALL THE NIGHT

I COULDNT SLEEP

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

IT SEEMS ALL HOPE IS GONE

WHERE DO I GO

WHERE DO I KNOW

IF I LOOS MY ACCOMMODATION

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

AM DIEING IN SILENT

My Princess,

I know is had to believe me, i only want to swear with my life. If am the one who sent that evil mail to you mayGod of elijer that answeret by fire please take away my life today may i lot leave to see tomorrow but if am innocent i pray God to touch you in my favour. You are my only hope.

Every day tears of pain run out of my eye for what i didnt do and please take good look at that picture is not me who is trying to seace my joy. The question is why now. My Princess why i have being disturbing you all this while is that you are the only hope i have if i should loss my hous the truth is that i dont even have money to pack my belongings to the village and my life will be woster than befor.

Just look up to God and help me, friday is approching please from your own motherly heart kidly help me out please.

Yours Truly

Prince Charles

My Princess, please look up to God and help me with the hous fee.

Quote:

Dear Charles

I must apologise for the delay in response, but I have been away from the office for a day, attending to the jumble sale at Balmoral. There were quite a few items come in from the Archbishop of Canterbury and the other Lordships at the very last minute, and you can imagine what a sorting out all the ermine and brocade required. I was up until quite late last night with a good deal of pricing and folding. However it is all sorted now.

I must admit that reading and re reading your last few messages has quite brought a tear to my eye, such is the effect that you have upon Us. It is obvious that you are a proper case all right. Obviously the last thing we would want is for you to suffer a hardship through our lack or care or diligence in administering charity to inebriates, this while the news of your more recent problems with the rent and what not have opened our eyes to what faces you in your dark and dismal little land.

I have therefore decided to let your application to proceed, and to allow some dispensation to alleviate your obvious distress and to ensure you get what is coming to you without much delay.

However I have not forgotten the foul and distressing material I was confonted with - a matron of my years! - when you ill advisedly instructed me to inspect your private emails of late, then the
misguided image of yourself naked which you sent (perhaps imagining some romantic attachment between us? I don't know) after, and finally the homosexual phrases and boasts which started to creep into your messages to us, all very alarming to our eyes I can assure you of that sir.

After some thought I have decided to allow you to make full apology, to clean the slate as it were, with an extra condition on the issuance of charity to your account: namely, that you should compose and perform a short guitar accompanied song - you have this talent, I know - in my praise, and send it to me at your earliest convenience. An MP3 file, as I think they are called by the younger folk, will suffice and not prove too onerous to reproduce I am sure. I will then, and only then, take this as a final appeasement, and instruct Mr Tossov to send out the monies without delay. If you are in agreement, then I will ask The Thane of Cawdor, something of a Scottish bard in residence here himself as it happens, with quite a few ditties to his name, to prepare a few lines, which I will approve in advance. I would not want any homosexual chanting, let that be clear.

Please think over our offer carefully and if you wish to accept these final terms and conditions, in the meantime, I will ask Mr Tossov to stand by, should you be so kind as to advise the sum you require.

Best wishes

Quote:

My Princess,

I must to thank you for the love, caring and kindness towards me. I got your mail and it's contents are well understood. My Princess you know my present condition right now that i don't have money to produce the song in the studio, honestly speaking i have composed the song already but i dont have money for the studio work i will do that immediately you asign some money across to me is a promise remember i have already told you that i have a special song dedicated to you and i will send a copy to you immediately am through and i will like to attach this song dedicated to you in my album so that it can be sale over there this will help me to exel too.

My Princess i really need your help remember the date my landlord gave to me will expire on friday this week. I really accept your condition am gratful for your concern.

I pray that almighty God will keep blessing you day and night and give you long life and prosperity.

Thanks in anticipation.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Subject : I APOLOGISED IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS.

APOLOGY LETTER

With due respect to your organisation. I Prince Charles Nwaimo hereby tender this apology to you My Princess with the name of our lord Jesus Christ and our Mother Virgin Mary.

I hereby apologised to all the embarrasement caused by me to you and your organisation knowing or unknowingly, concious or not concious i totally repent and promised to abid with the rules and regulation of this organisation and remain faithful.

My Princess remember the scripture says without sin their wont be forgiveness. I have sin against you knowingly or unknowingly, i hereby ask for forgivness. Please My Princess forgive me and i promise in the name of the lord never to offend you again or your organisation.

Am really sorry, kindly accept my apology.

Thanks in anticipation.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Maggie is as good as her word. His Excellency The Thane of Cawdor sends this:

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

HRH Princess Margaret has honoured me in asking the provision of a few lines to help complete a song I believe she has commanded from you. She has said that the language should be sympathetic to her exaulted status, and be rhythmically simple enough to allow for some guitar accompaniment of at least a basic standard. I do not know what sort of tune you will be able to come up with. I will be interested to hear your work when done, and perhaps if successful it might even be worked into one of the evening services in Chapel Levy.

Feel free to emphasis words as you like, although the emphasis should be on aristocrat rather than 'crat' we would not want it sound like some sort of TV jingle. Maybe something in a major key would be the way forward, especially given the context and if you feel the need to introduce a riff, please keep it short.

TOP 'CRAT

Top 'crat, aristocrat!
The most effectual: Top 'crat!
Whose intellectual close friends get to call her HRH
Providing its meant to elevate.

Top 'crat!
The indisputable leader of the court.
She's the boss, she's a VIP, she's the championship.
She's the most tip top.

Top 'crat!
Yes, She's the chief, She's the thing,
But above everything,
She's the most tip top,
Top 'crat, artistocrat!
Margaret!

I look forward to hearing the result.

Kind regards

MAC

His Excellency The Thane of Cawdor
69 Bard Street
Birnham Wood,
Dunsinane
Scotland
U1T WAT

Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 1:54 am

Oh I can't wait to hear this! Laughing

Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 3:40 am

LOL..This is an interesting and very funny bait..You have a very dumb mugu..The idiocy never ceases to amaze me.. Laughing

Let me get this straight..He needs cash from Princess margaret to go to the U.S to be with his gay lover...Priceless.. Laughing

Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 12:18 pm

LOL, this bait just improves with age... Laughing

Posted: Fri Aug 11, 2006 6:16 pm

The Saga continues:

Quote:

My Princess,

Please have mercy on me and accept my apology. All through last night was sleepless night for me wondering what this morning would bring, is al about my wicked landlord.

My Princess, how i wish you could see what am passing through you will help me willingly without minding. Honestly speaking am worried for not hearing from you till now, i mean my only hope.

I have to run out from my house this morning to a friends hous so that my landlord wont have assess to packout my belongings this morning till i hear from you. My Princess please trust me you wont regret knowing me, is a promise.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

We are naturally sorry to hear of your problems, and most especially of your landlord's lamentable predations. I myself have half dozen tithe cottages or so in my care, and I am well aware of the responsibilities such ownership entails. Thus, whenever my carriage passes by those careworn dependents whom I keep on there, I am never too proud or rude to wave encouragingly and so let their spirits rise.

Just as soon as the song is completed to our satisfaction then we can move forwards.

MARGARET

Then a new player ‘Tushie’ is introduced. Maybe she can help poor Charlie boy:

Quote:

My Dear Friend,

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret has passed your request for funds to me. I am Secretary of the Holy Bagel Community - you may read about our work on our website - and although our primary concern is to assist indigent Africans in Great Britain I am allowed to exercise my vas deferens authority to aid deserving cases in West Africa.

How much money do you need ?

Remain blessed,

MRS TUSHIE MESHUGANAH

The Holy Bagel Community

www.freewebs.com/tushiem/

Quote:

My Princess,

Am really greatful for your loving kindness. Mr Thaneof Cawdor has written me about the song i wish to dedicate to you, my lyrics is far better than what he ask me to dedicate to My Princess and one Tushie mashuganah has written me asking me how much i need i told him Two thousand five hundred and fifty pounds this will enable me pay my hous rent and work on the song dedicated to you.

I will then work on my music album as soon as i recieve my charitable right and please permit me to attach the song dedicated to you in my album so that i can maket my music over there please.

Once again am really gretful, thanks and God bless you in jesus name i pray Amen.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles

Quote:

My Princess, here is the song i wish to dedicate to you am R & B musician.

TITTLED : " WE WISH YOU THIS "

Written by : Prince Charles Nwaimo

Talkings : To night
I want to dedicate this song
To Princess Margaret
I said everything is gonna be
Alright with you
For all the good works
You have done
Please take this from me
My Princess

Solo : Many wonded heart
Are comforted
By God's help
Oh God
Through the life style of
Princess Margaret
Reaching through the African World
All over the World
Helping the sick
Caring for the poor so kind
Oh God bless her
For good work she has done
And bless her abondantly

Chorus : We wish you this
My Princess
We wish you this
God divin protection
We wish you this
God blessings
We wish you this
God prosperity
We wish you this
To self guid you
We wish you this

Solo : Now i know that
Motherless child
Is missing true love
If not Princess Margaret
I would have being unknown
If not for her love for the needy
No one could
Hear my voice
Oh God bless her
For good work she has done
And bless her abondantly

Chorus : We wish you this
My Princess
We wish you this
God divin protection
We wish you this
God blessings
We wish you this
God prosperity
We wish you this
To self guid you
We wish you this

My Pricess this is my song for you, kindly give me the chance to sing with my romatic voice. How i wish i have money to enter studio you will see to believe. Your Highness i want the best for you and i will like to attach this song in my album so that i can sale it over there, with this opportunity i wont no poverty in my life please. I need your financial asistance to enable me take a stepping stone.

I look forward to hear from you.
Thanks and God bless you My Princess.

Yours Truly
Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

At first sight these lyrics look splendid, and I am sure the Thane will not mind if I defer to your greater talent as a songsmith.

My niece Candice, who at her age has much greater experience in the night club scene than have I, has looked at the words and feels that they would work best in something called a reggae rhythm similar, she assures me, to that which was done successfully by a Mr Bob Marbles, I understand. Would this be possible?

Please let me know what you decide.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

My Princess,

This song dedicated to you is best destined for bluse which you need to see to believe and this will motivate you to give me go ahead to work on a full album, which i will like to market my work over there because my brand of music is far wilder and more acceptable market in the western world. Please do not allow this opportunity to pass me by is all about my future. Meanwhile, as soon as you send me some money i will enter studio to work on it at the same time do the vidio clip which you will see me life demostrating my feelings for you. This will now give you the courage to send me more money from the charity to enable me work on a full album.

Please My Princess i will like you to send me your picture or a CD plat which contains where you are caring for the needy maybe in the hospital or an occassion which you address is what i will use to make up my vidio clip please i really need that ok.

I composed the song and i will like to be the one to sing it. My Princess for now am still hanging with a friend i cant go back to my hous for now please see the need to approve the money i need please.

Thanks and God bless you My Princess have a wonderful weekend.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

How pleasing to know that your little musical project is underway, As the dedicatee of the work, I look forward immensely to hearing it when done, not too long I trust? Please note that, as we agreed in the light of your recent untoward conduct, the condition of the song being heard by me is a solemn condition of the charity we are offering you. There can be no excuses, either you wish the funding or not, and this is the least you can do by way of apology. If I like the results I might have them arranged for brass band by Mr Tossov, who would lead anyone a merry dance.

In regards to your request for some pictures I have found one or two which may suit you. I try and keep my charitable work discreet, as you by now realise (after all this little pending financial arrangement between us is known only to a few essential intimates here at court) and so I do not have any many images as I may wish. However I have found two which may be of interest. One shows me last year, opening the gates of the Royal Smegaroon Home for the Chronically Incontinent, to which I made a substantial contribution; the other shows me at ease, with some individual recipients of my largesse, during a meeting in Wankershire where I handed over a substantial cheque to alleviate distress.

If you wish something a little more formal for the record sleve, please let me know, I have quite a few nice ones which I can supply if needed - taken in and around the palace, supervising works, writing at my desk, reclining on the chez longue & etc.

MARGARET

Quote:

My Princess,

well the money you asigned to me will only enable me work on the song dedicated to you. what about the house rent that i have being crying to you to help.

Well a begger have no choice, i have to be hanging around till i finished the song dedicated to you and send it immediately so that you will aprove my charity fee, the money you asign can only help me to do the audio what about the vidio clip or you will aprove that when you listing to the audio.

However am greatful,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

I am not sure what is best in this matter. Perhaps I can choose the video clip once I have your splendid song playing out on the gramophone in my stateroom, which may then inspire me. Maybe we can use some shots of shanty towns, beggars, police baton charges and the like for local colour? I am sure you know what best represents the sentiments you express and your country; it would be too rude of me to presume too much over your work.

MARGARET

Quote:

Your Highness,

Once again am really greatful for your loving kindness. I have made my inqueries from the music studio, i now realize that the money you grant to me will enable me work on the audio and the vidio clip, am really greaful.

Your Highness, the condition given to me by MRS TUSHIE MESHUGANAH for the fund of five hundred and twenty dorks that i should promis when to pay back befor they will instruct the bank to pay. I told them that i will pay back as soon as you aprove my music and send the charity fee as you said. So as soon as the pay in the money, you should be expecting the music soonest.

I really appreciate your concern and i also pray for God to bless you for all the good works you have done.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

Splendid news, well get to work now on the piece you have planned, and without delay is my advice, and soon you will get your just reward I am sure. I have told Tushie of the conditions attached to Our charity and she quite appreciates what is required - as I know you do.

Now pop off to the studio and get strumming, my dear chap. Lets have a jolly good effort.

MARGARET

Tushie sends a reminder:

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

I have spoken to Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret and to Mr
Lonslo Tossov - trustees of the Holy Bagel Community - about your
plea for an immediate gift of �2,600.

After careful consideration of your request, it was decided to
approve a payment to you of five hundred and twenty golden dorks
[the sterling equivalent of approximately �970] from the
Community Funds.

This money will be sent on the following conditions:

1. It is an interest free loan. This debt will be in honour only
but we would remind you that we are a charitable institution with
limited funds so we must rely on your conscience to send back
this donation if and when you can do so.

2. This transaction must be carried out on a strictly
confidential basis. Unfortunately, there are unscrupulous people
- sadly, most of these come from Nigeria - who attempt to take
advantage of the Community through what I understand are known as
"419 scam" e-mails. However, as your request has been approved by
Princess Margaret and Mr Tossov, I know this does not apply to
you.

Therefore I need your promise that you accept these conditions.
Once I receive this assurance, I will instruct Mr Kucker of the
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank to transfer the cash
to you.

Remain blessed,

Sincerely,

MRS TUSHIE MESHUGANAH

The Holy Bagel Community

www.freewebs.com/tushiem/ http://www.freewebs.com/tushiem/

Then Maggie’s niece Candice makes contact:

Quote:

hi Prince C!!

k u dont no me k but my aunt is Princess Margaret an u bin speakin to her k bout some busness u doin an dat i don no wat. im her niece k, an we chat on email and moby about stuf, when im not at college, anehow she sed u were riting her a song???

wel, i seen ur lyrics now, all wat ur riting an hope u don mind! an wow, i mean they r relly cool!! I go clubbin a lot and i should no what makes up a gd song k an what u hav is grt LOL!!! i wish i culd rite like that k. u bin in a band long then? u like hip hop an stuf? i have lots of cds.

also do u like clubbin then?

Candy x

Princess Candice Mercedes Windsor
69 Westminster Mansions
Broadmooor Doss Parade
Kensington
London
UR1 TIT

Quote:

My Princess,

Honestly speaking i cant stop thanking you for your loving kindness towards me, am really greatful. As soon as i confirm the money i will enter studio immediately to give my wonderful Princess the best.

Once again am really greatful. May all mighty God keep blessing you for me.

Thanks.

Yours Truly,
Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

We are pleased that you are shortly to begin the music making. Just as soon as We hear Our song, the money will be authorised, as We have agreed.

Now do hurry along my dear chap, We cannot wait for forever for you to rush out a few chords.

Regards

MARGARET

Quote:

Subject : CANDY IS A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

Dear Candy,

Am really greatful to hear from you, is a pleasure to meet you. Candy, well am R ^ B musician but am unknown in the music fuild due to financial handicap, i lost my mum who would have help me out.

However, i have written so many songs which has far wider and more acceptable market in the western world i mean some are destined for Grammy Award. Are you a musicial ? i like to know more about you Candy.

Once again i cheerish your concern and i will alaways be there for you.

Have a wonderful day Candy and take good care of yourself.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Your Highness,

I really appreciate to hear from you and i must to let you know that is today the bank demanded for my bank details of which is either tomorrow or next being friday is when the money will get to me. However, am asuring you that the music will deffenectly get to you unfailingly befor friday next week. Please My Princess kindly bear with me this is all about my future and am so much happy that you gave me the opportunity to dedicate a song for you.

Thanks and remain bless,

Yours Truly,
Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

This is excellent news. I am so glad that your little song will be with us soon, and I am sure many will enjoy it over and over once it is done.

I understand that my niece Candice has written to you about your talents. Do not worry about matters between us leaking out to the wider world; she knows nothing about our pending financial understanding, she is just something of a young free spirit who I could not help but share your lyrical talents with.

I have my people standing by with the money we have agreed on the basis of the song being with us shortly. I do hope that you sing the words brightly and clearly, it would be such a disappointment if thick slurry native enunciation worked against the final effect of the piece.

Kindly be about it quickly now my good chap and your bank manager, landlord, grandmother's creditors and what not will get what is coming to them.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

Subject : I WILL BE WORKING ON YOUR SONG TOO NIGHT

Your Highness,

I just want to let you know that i have succeded in disposing my valuable property and borrow some money just to make sure i work on the single sound track dedicated to you too night. And I must to let you know and for you to bear with me that the money i was able to raise will only enable me work on the audio. While i have to go all through this, is just for you to hear the music and believe my competence at the same time see the need to trust.

Meanwhile, My Princess i will deffenectly send it acroos to you on monday if i happened to borrow money, is a promise.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Your Highness,

Is quit surprising that all this while you dont want to writ me, what is really going on.

Well i writ to let you know that i have finished working on the song dedicated to you titled " WE WISH YOU THIS " in honour of all the good works you have been doing to people around the world which am now going to be one of the beneficiaries. I have registered the audio CD platte acrose to you through Nigerian Postal Agency today been 19th August, 2006.

Therefore, My Princess by God's grace the song will get to you between now and friday next week. Your Highness please endeavour to contact me as soon as you recieve the song, i send it with the address attached at every of your mail sent to me.

Once again, i really have to let you know what i pass through to make sure i work on this song since is the final condition given to me. I have to sold my most valuable properties just to make sure i get this song done. Even right now i have packout my remaining belongings from my house just to allow the new tenant in.

My Princess, you can see that you are my only hope, i mean only hope.
HEAR THE CRYING OF THE NEEDY
HERE THE CRYING OF THE MEEK
SAVE THE CHILDREN FROM THE STREET
THE MOTHERLESS AND HOMELESS.

I really look forward hearing from you.

Thanks in anticipation.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Your Highness,

Is quit unfortunate that now that i need you most, you are not there for me just because of trust. However, i have succeded in disposing some of my valuable property and borrowed some money from friends to make sure i work on your song, the money will only enable me work on the audio, please you have to accept it maybe if you now like the song you can sent for me to come and do the vidio clip over there or here in Nigeria, choice is yours My Princess.

Meanwhile, too night i will be in studio working on your wonderful song. Probably i will be sending it across to you on monday if i happened to borrow money. Why i have to take this measures is for you to see and believe my competency because this is all about my future.

No matter what i have gone through to make sure i produce this song, is a pleasure for you to accept my song am really greatful.

Yours Truly,
Prince Charles

Quote:

My Princess,

Have you recieve the song, if not please try and find out why. Because is there in your country by now am dieing of hunger, i spend all i have to make sure the song is been produce and make sure i send it to you.

Please i look forward to hear from you.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

With due respect to your organisation. Honestly speaking i must confess to you, for not hearing from you all this while am so worried. I mean what do i tell people that borrowed me money to work on the song. What is really happening over there, have you recieve the CD plate of the song send by me last week saturday. Please update me am so worried.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

I have been urgently awaiting delivery of this song of yours, even going so far as instructing the post room staff here to keep a special eye out for it. Naturally we here are eager to hear how your little efforts have turned out and I have asked The Thane to standby, assuming that the your efforts are found sufficiently successful and pleasing, ultimately with an ear to turning matters into an arrangement for the regimental brass band under the baton or our Colonel Brudenall. I am sure such a contrivance would make a splendid perk up for the troops fresh back from Afghanistan. But alas, despite our enthusiasm to receive your package, it has not arrived yet. How exactly was it sent? Please, please reassure me that this not just some sort of poor joke on your part.

My niece Candice is equally disappointed (I believe she has written to you?) and suggests that you send the song over as an audio file attachment. If this sort of thing is available to you native chappies, then do that at once and I will give your melodious meanderings my fullest attention.

In the meantime we have you monetary contribution fully authorised. It would be a great shame to miss the pot of gold, as it were, at this late stage due to some disreputable elements in your local post office or what not.

We await your reponse with keen interest here at the Palace.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Candice sends a reminder:

Quote:

Hey Prince

Wen u gon 2 send this song then i ben waitng 2 see it but Auntie M sez it not come yet!!! she sez u may not be relly doin it an that ur may b jus foolin but i hope not k

hey will u rite me wun 2 then cos it wuld be so cool lol

If u wrote 1 i culd dance 2 it, if u can manag that wuld so fab.

u like clubbin?

Maybe Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM...can get things moving:

Quote:

Sir,

Please excuse this direct approach, but I have the honour of being in command of Her Majesty's Royal Smegaroon Brass Band and understand that you are shortly to provide some music, or song, of popular native vocal origination following her instruction. I have further been given the liberty of scrutinizing the lyrics of the said piece WE WISH YOU THIS, which I assume to be the piece under consideration.

HRH Margaret has requested that I make arrangement of this music (of which presumably she will be accorded the privilege of Crown Copyright) for the edification of the royal household, included mustered troops and wanted to prepare for the task.

It would therefore oblige me sir if I knew the following:

time signature
instrumentation
key
aptness for a martial up tempo arrangement?

Of course any other infomation you might make available sir would be of great assistance. In order to reassure you of my capabilities in this matter, let me say that I have been contributing to the music of the Royal Household for a number of years, and was the composer-arranger of the evergreen Light Horse Brigade Charge Polka, a favourite of their Majesties.

I would appreciate an early response as I hope to complete a full arrangement of the music in time for HRHs birthday, late this month.

I remain, sir

Brudenell (Commanding)

Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
7th Earl of Cardigan
Royal Smegaroon Marching Band
Light Horse Brigade
Tennyson Barracks
600 Rode Inn Valley
Smegaroon, UK
UR1 GIT

Tel 44 20 7414 3291

Posted: Fri Aug 25, 2006 1:38 pm

I feel weak just from reading this wonderful bait.

Posted: Sun Aug 27, 2006 9:14 pm

Quote:

Subject : MY PRINCESS THE MUSIC SHOULD BE IN YOUR COUNTRY NOW TRY TO CHECK IT OUT

My Princess,
Why is that you dont believe me, i mean the last thing i will do is to lie to you my princess. I send this song on saturday last week through nipost registered mail which cost me five hundred and twenty naira, i would have send it through DHL but their bill is too much for me to go out and borrow but am ansuring you it will get to you by God's grace from now to wensday next week kindly exercise petience it will get to you and i know you will deffenectly like my performace is great to me which i know you will like it, so dont worry yourself by given it another person to work on it please. I have focus of doing that song and dont be surprise it will get to you on monday.

My Princess, kindly bear with me i did the best R & B song for you and i know you will like it. Assuming you people send me that five hundred and twenty golden dorks i would have send it through DHL which will only take three days to get to you without any delay but that of nipost i lant it will take a week and some days. But try to check it out on monday because all i know is there in your country by now believe me.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

Very well, I suppose We will just have to wait and see if things turn up. As it happens, it may give something of a useful breathing space, as there is some discussion here as to what exact use of the song might be made. Naturally We are delighted that you have finished a recording of your own version as we asked. However there is some gentle disputation, between our Mr Tossov and Colonel James Brudenell of the Smegaroon Marching Band, as to the nature of an effective arrangement for state purposes. Colonel Brudenell fancies something military and brassy, perhaps for the weekly park recital on Sunday atttended by staff and enlisted men alike; Mr Tossov is of the opinion that your work would be better served by the small jazz combo he regularly and informally directs over at the Pink Pussy Cat Club each thursday evening, not the most solubrious of settings to be sure, but one in which he assures me such a tribute might easily and fittingly be accomodated. Do you have any views on the matter? In any case, we are really hoping that you will have included the musical sheets in with the recording so that we can decide shortly, or perhaps this can be sent as a scanned attachment.

Naturally we are distressed to hear of your slight expenditure in this business so far. Rest assured that once we are satisfied with receipt of the song, you will get what is surely coming to you.

Best wishes

MARGARET

Quote:

Dear Candy,

honestly speaking i dont know why HRH Princess Margaret dont believe me i have sent her the song since saturday last week which am very sure that by now in your country, i sent it through nipost registered mail.

I can dedicate you a special song is just that i dont really know more about you, but if you have not married i have a wonderful song for you titled " MY MISSING RIB " if you wish to see the lyrics i wont hasitate to send it across for you for aproval or go ahead for the production, you need to see to beleive.

Thanks in anticipating, i took a steeping stone immediately i hear from you.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Hiya Prince C.

OMG!!!!! that would be sooooo kool yeh!!! )))) send it then an let me hav a look lol !

hey, u no dat i neva had a song writen for me b4 k!

Hey wat u look lik then & how old? do u hav a gf !!!! Maybe we can chat online somtime dat wuld be grt.

Also this wat u sending, will it be a clubbin song then?

C XX

Charlie also replies to the Colonel:

Quote:

Dear James,

I got your mail and it's contents where well understood. I will like to use this opportunity to introduce myself to you. Am Prince Charles from Nigeria am very good in writing songs and am unknown R & B musician due to financial handicap. I suggest if you need song for any occassion over there just contact me i will give you the best while we go into negotiation and not you working on the song that i have already send to HRH Princess Margaret since last week saturday through nipost registered mail all am expecting from her is i have recieve the song ok and not you asking for copy writ.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Sir,

Am in receipt of your last communication, and was so impressed by your dedication to HRH that I took the liberty of reading out an extract to the men as they ate out of their billly cans today, and ordered three cheers for good measure. When I briefed them more fully as to your circumstances, I mean being a native and all, from the ex colonies, well they were even more vociferous.

It is rare sir to find such a supportive spirit, especially in these trying times, and I will glad to take up your kind offer of further musical contributions to camp life.

I was wondering sir if I might secure some composition from yourself to be played over Reveille or lights out?

Perhaps, by way of thanks from the men and I, there is something we can send to you in return? Perhaps a Smegaroon regimental hatbadge and the like, some desert army rations or bags of manure from the regimental stables?

I remain, sir

Brudenell (Commanding)

At this point the Chief cashier Joseph Kucker introduces himself:

Quote:

29 August 2006

Dear Prince Charles,

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret has instructed me to offer you an advance royalty of two hundred and fifty golden dorks on sales of your song which I understand has been mailed to her.

This would be payable in addition to the five hundred and twenty dorks [ref:SHM/69/OCK] payable when Her Royal Highness receives your song.

Please let me know as soon as possible if this is acceptable so that I can transfer one remittance of seven hundred and seventy dorks before I go on holiday at the end of this week.

Yours sincerely,
Joseph Kucker
Chief Cashier
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
69 Blunkett Avenue
St Dunstans

Quote:

Dear Princess Candy,

Am really sorry for not getting back to you sooner, i traveled to the village for the burrial of my grand mum. Am back home for a hot munit and wanted to take time to let you know that i really appreciate hearing from you.

My Princess, am young handsome cool guy, age 28 and i only have girl friends not lover ok and i do go club but not always.

Meanwhile, i hereby attach the talkings, first solo and chorus of the song titled " MY MISSING RIB " i wont attach the remaining lyrics of the song till you name my price with some deposit and after the production you will pay the remaining balance, i think is a deal. And hope you wont have missunderstanding with Princess Margaret concerning this music.

" MY MISSING RIB "
Written by : Prince Charles Nwaimo

Talkings : This song
Is a special song
Dedicated
To Princess Candice
Who realize
That her rib
Is missing.

Solo : Am looking for
My missing rib
The love of my life
Flesh of my flesh
I remeber God made man
And took away a rib
To make a human
Cox God thought that
Man should not be alone
Now i know
Part of my life was missing
I give my body no rest
I give my eye no sleep
Till i found
My missing rib

Chorus : Am looking for
Searching every where
To find the missing rib
Of my bone
brige : Am looking for
Searching every where
To find the missing rib
Of my bone

My Princess you need to see the two remaining solo is too wonderful you need to see to believe that your rib is missing.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

HI Prince C

WOW!!! That is so romantic, ) i neva eva had a song writ 4 me k and i will keep this for eva!! its soo kool to get it esp as i don relly no u that wel i gess. did u relly rite if 4 me or did u get it from out a book then? i dont mind anehow sure as its grt xxxxxxx

hey im sos to here abt ur grandma k, u must be relly sad, was she a close reltive?? wat she die of then, was she old and that??

i am not sure wat it is u mean den wen u say abt ur price an that? Is u writng 4 a busness thing? I make mony by doin bak massage an stuff sumtimes bt not much i gess. Also, shame u don go clubbin mch, as i like it lot!!

hey wen u have it finished send de rest k as i want see that!!

C xxx

Quote:

Dear James,

Am really sorry for not getting back to you sooner, i traveled to the village for the burrial of my grand mum. Am back home for a hot munit and wanted to take time to let you know that i really appreciate hearing from you.

Meanwhile, i think is time for business how much will you pay me for a single sould track together with the data or do you prefer buying lyrics form me i think choice is yours. So let me know your price if is cool by me, we can now go into negotiation. I think is a deal.

Thanks in anticipation,

Yours Truly,

PRINCE CHARLES.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I must admit sir that your business like manner has somewhat taken me aback upon a first reading. However it would be foolish of me to think that one of your talents and national origination would not name a price for the efforts composition would entail. You will appreciate that a good deal of our current repertoire, such as The Mad Mahdi March, or the ever popular Bring My Native Lass Back to Blighty etc lays in the public domain, or on specific occasions is supplied by HM War Department for general use, and it is rare indeed for us here to place a separate commission as a separate enterprise.

However let me know your scale of charges and I will see what can be done. There is a small financial fund available for my discretionary dispersal, normally held to alleviate the immediate distress of war widows, but this may, I am sure, be called upon as a unique matter if your efforts prove satisfactory. However I will feel it my duty, and so will Quatermaster Kitchener, to see or hear part of the work you produce before raising a payment docket, a condition which I am sure you will feel reasonable given the nature of the enterprise.

In the meantime I am standing by,

I remain, sir

Brudenell (Commanding)

Quote:

My Princess,

Am really sorry for not getting back to you sooner, i traveled to the village for the burrial of my grand mum. Am back home for a hot munit and wanted to take time to let you know that i really appreciate hearing from you.

My Princess, have you recieve the music, please endeavour to contact me immediately when recieved so that i will have peace of mind. Honestly speaking i must be plain to you am totaly brok please kindly send me some token to enable me keep spirit, soul and body together please am begging.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

PRINCE CHARLES.

Quote:

Dear Charles

Still no sign of this package. I have some faith left in its belated arrival, but Mr Tossov feels that you may not have sent it at all, holding quite stong views as he does on native honesty and the like. He still remembers a time in Khartoum when some of the local blighters siphoned all the petrol out of his Rolls while he was visiting a bazaar.

MARGARET

Quote:

Subject : My Princess am totally confused.

My Princess,

I dont really know what is happening over there. Remeber that last time overe there someone delet my inbox and all my sent messages at the same time attach stupid comment in my signature when i gave you my password and now again am told by Mr Joe Kucker that my package is missing.

Your Highness i must to ask you this do you really want to help me, am hanging around with friends all this while, i dont have house of my own you know this ok i sold my property and make sure i work on the music which you said is my final condition and now what am hearing is that the package is missing, i mean is unfair what about the people i have been borrowing money from since jun i meet you each day i mail you i do spend one hundred naira, sometime i have to stave myself to make sure i meal you. My Princess am having suspicious mind.

However, the music is still in the studio all i have to do is go and print it out again and send it to you as soon as i recieve the one hundred dorks and you must to give me another mailing address because i strongly believe that someone dosent want you to help me over there expercially the person that delet my inbox and all my sent messages at the same time attach stupid comment just to black mail me.

Therefore, kindly send me another address which i will use to send the music again through DHL.

My Princess, i want you to understand that this song you are using to me as in condition do right now do you realize that am the one who said i have a special song for you when you promise to give me 20,000 dorks which i know will help me further my education, pay for my house rent at the same time work on my album send it across to you to market it over there and give me my own share, remeber you also promise me wears but to my immediate surprise you dont want to trust me anymore, i take as mother, grandmother and sister you should be there for me instead i suffer the more. If i didnt hear from you sooner, the truth is that i have to go back to village where i will be eating my daily bread because i cant cope here in the city.

Thanks

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I am really at a loss as to know what to suggest. Your package does seem to have gone astray. I have interrogated some of the staff in case there has been a lamentable case of pilfering (I remember that rather shockingly, we lost a crate of fine custard liquers meant for Sir Marmite a few months ago, and in similar alarming circumstances) but no light has been thrown on the matter. My suggestion is that you either send it again to a fresh address as you suggest, or simply, as we originally strongly suggested, attach your recording to a message as an audio file so that there can be no mistake. It is very vexing to have waited this long, what with your dorks ready to send out to you and what not.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

Subject : am really sorry

My Princess,

Please do not get angry with my first mail sent to you this morning. Is just that the guy am staying with push me out of his house this morning. I was like a frustrated man then is why i wrot you that way, please am really sorry My Princess.

Meanwhile, i will send the music again through DHL with another address to avoid stories as soon as i recieve the one hundred dorks.

Once again am really sorry.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

Please treat me like a mother, you are my only hope. Have you recieve the music, do not turn away from me now that i need you most in my life please, am in state of confussing.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Meanwhile...

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

Reference: SHM/69/OCK

I send my sincere condolences on the loss of your grandmother.

Now I understand from Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret that a package you mailed to her has been lost in the post.

However, the Princess and Mr Tossov have authorised me to make an interim payment of one hundred golden dorks to you. The rest of the cash will be sent when the package finally arrives.

I am on holiday from this evening and so the transaction will be carried out by my colleague Mr Mikhail Stroganov who is the head of the Chavster Bank's Overseas Department. He will e-mail you when the electronic transfer is made. His e-mail address is [email protected]

Yours sincerely,
Joe

Joseph Kucker
Chief Cashier
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
69 Blunkett Avenue
St Dunstans
London FU1 7TT

Quote:

30 August
Dear Joe Kucker,

Am really sorry for not getting back to you sooner, i traveled to the village for the burrial of my grand mum. Am back home for a hot munit and wanted to take time to let you know that i really appreciate hearing from you.

I think i accept.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Charlie then contacts Mr Mikhail Stroganov as instructed:

Quote:

Dear mikhail,

With due respect to your organisation. I hereby
attach my bank details as i was instructed to send
it across to you.

Bank Name : UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA

Bank Address : 53 OKARA AVENU
ENUGU NIGERIA
WEST AFRICA

Acount name : IFEANYI CHARLES
Account number : 0842120164442
Branch Name : ENUGU MAIN.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,
Prince Charles

Quote:

Your Highness,

What is really going on over there. I was ask to send my bank account details which i did what is the meaning of this mail send to me. I went to post office today to confirm prove of delievery and i was told that my mail has been delieved but to my immediate surpris you have not said anything My Princess what have i done to deserve all this pains, sorrow and slepless night all this while.

The bible says a mans gift maket room for him and bring him befor great men of the Nation while my is defferent. I have really take time to go through all the mails sent to me by you and your organization i felt cheated, rejected and dejected.

Tell me what you want from me, because i know that if really you want to send me money to go and print out the music again and send it to you, their are very easy ways to do that we have " MONEY GRAM " we also have " WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER ". I mean why is Mr Kucker and his group asking me questions that i dont know which you yourself nos that i dont no what they are talking about.

Please kindly go through there mail i dont understand what they want from me, what paining me is that i will go out and borrow money to check mail with hope to read postive mail but i will be seeing frustration, honestly speaking My Princess what do you really want from me, i mean why suffering motherless and homeless child the more i thought by now you could have assist me, my friends are now laughing me, some even call me Golden dorks i regret telling them about this project. I see my self as a frustrated man please tell me esactly what you and Mr Kucker want from me. You people want me to have blood preasure at my younger age, people am owing keep coming and where all my hope is what am expecting is not what am see, God .

DEAR HETTIE AND PRINCE CHARLES

I TAKE NOTE OF THE POINTS IN YOUR EMAIL_PRINCE
CHARLES_BE AWARE THAT WE HAVE THE GOLDEN DORKS READY
TO TRANSFER BUT WE WILL NEED ANSWERS TO THE FOLLOWING
SIMPLE LEGAL QUESTIONS_

I) THIS TRANSACTION NEEDS TO BE CLASSIFIED AS CETERIS
PARIBUS HAIRIBALS IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE 1999 NIGERIAN
OVERSEAS FINANCE ACT_CAN YOU GUARANTEE THIS?

II) DO WE USE A PRO-BOWDEN/EX-KUZDARDZ INTERNET
TRANSFER OR DO WE SEND E. VILKANIEVAL OUR MOTORBIKE
COURIER???

III) IS THIS A PRO VAS-DEFERENS PAYMENT OR GLUTEUS
MAXIMUS???

PLEASE ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS AS SOON AS
POSSIBLE_FINALLY_HETTIE_I NOTE THE MEETING AT
VLADIMIR'S AT 10AM_I SHALL BE THERE WITH IGOR MY
ASSISTANT_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING

STROGANOV

Quote:

My Dear Charles

Simply badgering me with your obvious financial problems and restating confusions at your end will not help matters sir. I am well aware of your difficulties, just as you are aware that I have set my face on receiving a hoped for song from you, in one way or another, by way of now long outstanding apologies. Mr Stroganov and other of my financial agents are under instruction to clear the way to full settlement of matters once my conditions are met and not before, although clearly they may have a few procedurial queries of their own to resolve.

Now I suggest that we catch sound of this vocal number of yours, and in short order too my dear fellow, as I am growing weary of this transaction which, to be frank, has dragged on longer than a rain dance in the dry season.

Kindly make every effort and see we have something to show for our efforts, and quickly.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

Subject : i hereby attach the full lyrics for your assessment just because of your concern for my grand mum.

Dear Candy,

I got your mail and it's contents are well understood. Am really happy the way your cares to know about my grand mum. Well she give birth to my late mum, she aged 105 and she passaway after brief illness. Candy i like people that show concern and caring, could you believe that the day she passaway i told Princess Margaret and i even told her yesterday that am just coming from the burrial, till now she have not said anything about that, is not good. Because of your concern towards my late sweet grand mum i change my mind to send the whole song to you and to let you know that i composed it to you when you told me that you are still single.

Meanwhile, just send me any amout from your heart to enable me work on the song because right now i dont really have money to enter music studio and may be after listening to my work track then anything you wish to show appreciation is a pleasure to me just for the concern you have for my late grand mum.

" MY MISSING RIB "
Written by : Prince Charles Nwaimo

DEDICATED TO PRINCESS CANDICE

Talkings : This song
Is a special song
Dedicated
To Princess Candice
Who realize
That her rib
Is missing.

Solo : Am looking for
My missing rib
The love of my life
Flesh of my flesh
I remeber God made man
And took away a rib
To make a human
Cox God thought that
Man should not be alone
Now i know
Part of my life was missing
I give my body no rest
I give my eye no sleep
Till i found
My missing rib

Chorus :Am looking for
Searching every where
To find the missing rib
Of my bone
brige : Am looking for
Searching every where
To find the missing rib
Of my bone

Solo : I know is been
Long time ago
A rib was missing from my body
During the creation of adam
But now i know
Part of my life was missing
I give my body know rest
I give my eye no sleep
Till i found
My missing rib

Chorus :Am looking for
Searching every where
To find the missing rib
Of my bone
brige : Am looking for
Searching every where
To find the missing rib
Of my bone

Solo : I feel is time
To find my missing rib
To build up a home
And test God promise
Cox he says to me
Whosoever find a wife
Shall find a favour
I the sight of God
So i get to go on
To find my missing rib
Loving and kind
That will take care of me

Chorus : Am looking for
Searching every where
To find the missing rib
Of my bone
brige : Am looking for
Searching every where
To find the missing rib
Of my bone

Candy all you have to do, is to send me some money maybe through western union money transfer with the name Prince Charles Nwaimo N0 5 chiefagbo street asata Enugu Nigeria or pay into my account

United Bank for Africa ( UBA )
Account Name : Ifeanyi Charles
Account Number : 0842120164442
Branch : Enugu Main

My Princess choice is yours, i promise to give you the best do you know if HRH Princess Margaret have recieve the one i dedicate to her to my immediate surprise she said she have not recieve it am so confused.

I have to bounce till i hear from you.

Thanks.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Hiya Princey

Hey thanks 4 sending all the words!!!! ur v nice chap and i will show my friends wen i go bak 2 college, i bet dey will b sooo jealous!!!! Was ur grandmum relly 108 den?????? i bet u just makin this up lol my gran is 87 and stil alive.

i hav some mony in my allownce i guess i can sen u but i have neva done dis b4 k. also i need sum to pay for clubbin 2 get in an dat. how much u need den exact? can i send postal order i don thnk otha way is relly safe k.

lol i like de way u sed ur bouncing lol hey have u seen the Tigger Movie then???

C xx

Quote:

Hi,

Dont tell me you havnt seen the whole lyrics of the song titled " MY MISSING RIB " i sent to you for assessment. I must to be plain to you what i hate most is someone to use me expercially when am using my whole heart to do something for you.

Quote:

HI Princey

yeh i seen dem, an hav writ bak OK??

hey hav u got a gf? maybe we can meet in a chat room or somthin i dunno up 2 u, anehow tell me what k???

Quote:

Dear james,

I got your mail and it contents where well understood. Meanwhile, is time to hit the chat, seeing is believing and you need to see to believe. you will pay me five thousand dorks per song, deposit of one thousand dorks to carry out the contract and after assesment you will pay me the remaining four thousand dorks. And my promise for you is that each song am going to send to you will fetch you award, i cross my heart is for sure.

I think is a deal, if you accept then we can proceed.

You need to see to believe.

Yours truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I must admit your terms seem rather high sir, especially when I remember that last year we commissioned a fine Galop from the Master of the Queens Music, Mr Chazen Dave for only 3 thousand dorks. It was a fine piece too, very hummable!

Is there no way we can reconsider the sum, or perhaps offers some high grade stable dung by way of making up the full amount. I am assured that the bags we have hear are excellent for roses. Until I hear back from you sir, I will put the boys on standby to provide same.

Incidentally I have heard it rumoured that HRH still awaits Her own recent commission? This is disconcerting news sir, and brings morale down somewhat here in barracks I can assure you.

I remain, sir

Brudenell (Commanding)

Stroganov sends him this:

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

THANK YOU FOR YOUR EMAIL YOUR HIGHNESS_I TRUST YOU ARE
WELL_IN CLEARING UP THESE MATTERS IS THERE ANY WAY YOU
CAN OFFER DOCUMENTARY PROOF THAT THIS PAYMENT IS IN
ACCORDANCE WITH THE NIGERIAN OVERSEAS FINANCE
ACT???_ALSO AS IT IS A PRO-VAS DEFERENS TRANCHE I WILL
HAVE TO DISCUSS THIS WITH HER ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCESS
MARGARET_AS ROYALTY OF A SORT YOU WILL UNDERSTAND HOW
THESE HIGH-LEVEL THINGS GO_I APOLOGISE FOR THE DELAY
HOWEVER AND WE ARE MOVING AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE_YOU
MAY LIKE TO KNOW THAT IT IS A RUSSIAN TRADITION TO GET
TO KNOW OUR BUSINESS PARTNERS_DO YOU LIKE FOOTBALL??

S

Quote:

Subject : My Princess please reply.

My Princess,

I got your mails and i think something is rong some where. The truth is that i dont have money to go to studio to reprint the single sound track titled " WE WISH YOU THIS " i would have done that because this is to enable you see my performance so as to promise to market my album over there, is just my target.

My Princess, i suggest you send this money by yourself and give me another address which i will use to send it across to you through DHL it will only take three days to get to you as soon as i recieve the money, all this delay i dont understand.

I hereby attach Mr Mikhail mail and my respond. Please My Princess find another alternative to send this money to enable go and print it out and send it to you immediately please am begging you.

****

Dear mikhail,

I must be plain to you, am student i dont really know what you are talking about and i dont know how to go for the Nigerian Overseas Financial Act ??? as you said. I suggest you should discuss it with HRH Princess Margaret.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Your Highness,

I have seen a lawyer who will provide me with Nigerian Overseas Financial Act ??? but the problem right now is that i dont have the money his demanding from me. Is their no anyother means you can help. If am to ask what business do Nigerian Overseas Financial Act get to do with the transfer of this found into my account to enable me print out the CD and send it to you without any delay, why all this protocuss.

Your Highness, i suggest you talk to Mr Mikhail to find another alternative or cant you yourself send one of your worker to pay in this money through Western union money transfer and send me the pin number and the password and stop all this delay for christ sake, i mean i have suffered a nough tell me what you want from me because all i have now is my life.

Charles

Quote:

Subject : WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON CHARLES - 07 09 06

PRINCE CHARLES

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???_WE HAVE YOUR MONEY NOW DO
YOU WANT IT OR NOT???_I SHOULD ADVISE YOU THAT
BARRISTER CLETUS OKORO THE ELDER AND JONATHAN MORONIKA*
HAVE CONTACTED US AND WE ARE IN NEGOTIATIONS WITH
THEM_NOW HURRY UP AND GET BACK TO ME FOR GODS SAKE OR
THE CUSTARD WILL GET COLD

S

Quote:

Dear Mikhail Stroganov,

I got your mails and it contents where well
understood by me. You cant believe this i went to
see a lawyer to help me with the Nigerian Overseas
Finance Act??? as you demanded to my immediate
surprise he ask me to pay him five thousand naira
and the truth is that i dont have such money right
now.

Mikhail, please if there is any way you can be of
help to make this transfer take place, please do not
histate to enable me carry out the project given to
me by HRH is all about my future and you know what
it is.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,
Prince Charles.

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ROYALTY UNLESS THE TITLE
'PRINCE' IS A REFERENCE TO YOU BEING CHAMPION OF THE
FESTAC TOWN GOAT-BOTHERING COMMUNITY_I WOULD HAVE
THOUGHT A GENTLEMAN OF YOUR STATUS WOULD HAVE DOZENS
OF SPECIALIST LAWYERS IN HIS ENTOURAGE TO ANSWER
QUESTIONS LIKE THIS_VERY WELL_I WILL CONTACT HRH TO
SEE WHAT CAN BE DONE

STROGANOV

Quote:

Subject : POVERTY IS A DESEASE

My Princess,

Kindly go through this mail and see the kind of insult am recieving because of poverty

PRINCE CHARLES

YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ROYALTY UNLESS THE TITLE
'PRINCE' IS A REFERENCE TO YOU BEING CHAMPION OF THE
FESTAC TOWN ....

STROGANOV

Quote:

My Princess,

Have you change your mind not to send the 100 dorks you promise to enable me print out the music again and send it to you through DHL. For christ sake tell me what is happening over there last time your Nice Candice ask me to dedicate a song to her which i did titled " MY MISSING RIB " but to my immediate surprise she no longer writ me, same to Mr James a song titled " YOU'RE THE STAR " dedicated to HRM Queen Elizabeth for his assessment to my immediate surprise too he has not said anything. My Princess just tell me my crim for knowing you people is this a plan to frustrate a motherless and homeless child like me , i mean do you people really have concence. Jesus Christ

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I have lately returned from the the BADger jousting in Wankershire, and now find matters really have got out of hand during this enforced absence. Not only do We not seem to have received anything at all as promised faithfully from your good self by way of this musical material (an especial shame as I have the Royal Smegaroon Marching band ready to begin practice on the basis of a hastily contrived arrangement of the expected material), but you seem to be provoking our Mr Strogonov into some completely unwarranted, and increasingly fractious, legal contretemps which are hardly becoming of your good self.

Now your highness, as always we are ready to begin monetary transfer. Indeed, I have had the tin of dorks sitting on my desk for sometime, just here next to the jar of digestives. But we really do need some co operation and trust from your end. All this failure to follow through and, dare I say it, a degree of self serving petulance, are hardly doing your cause any favours. Either we get the music, Prince Charles or you do not get the money. You have written some splendid words which I have found flattering, but I remain to be convinced as to how real is the musical arrangement you have then prepared to accompany your ditty. And either you follow up on the queries that Mr Stroganov has, quite rightly, made or the same effect of failure will follow, as surely and as quickly as I understand one pocket-filling premier follows another in your benighted country, need I say more.

Incidentally, you mention my niece Candice and Colonel Brudenell. I must admit that I am surprised that you have seen fit to approach them individually and offer them your own, somewhat problematical music talents when so much has been left uncompleted between us. For your information Candice was with the royal party up at the badgering, which explains why she has not be in contact. As for Colonel Brudenell, I believe he has been active on some military matter; I cannot speak for his funding plans in your case, as any monies would no doubt come out of the pockets of those johnnies at the War Department and nothing to do with me, although he may well ask for advice as the honorary Commander-in-Chief of the regiment.

Meanwhile I have taken a deep breath my dear fellow, and now await your reply, hopefully with some encouraging news as to your packet and less of the bellyaching if you please.

MARGARET

Meanwhile, in another part of the Palace...

Quote:

Dear Candice,

I got your mail and i thank God that you are trust worthy. The truth is that naturally i think i just love you just for your concern for my grandmum. Candy i wont tell you the exact amount i need to carry out this project because all am trying to do is for you to see my ability and to help me financially to work on my full album which i will like to send to you for assessmet and after that to negociate with marketing company to market my album over there and the proceed therefrom, will be shared 50/50 i think is a deal.

Meanwhile, as a club girl i think you should know the exact amount that will enable me work on this song into a master CD for assessment, because seeing is believing.

Therefore, the postal order you suggest i think is ok by me. I hereby attach my name and address to be used :

PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO
NO 5
CHIEFAGBO STREET
ASATA ENUGU
NIGERIA
WEST AFRICA.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Candice,

What's the matter, i have been expecting your mail. Have you send the money to enable me carry out the studio work.

Kindly update me,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Hiya Princey

V sos i hav nt bin back 2 u but i have been off with Auntie Margaret (u no, Princess M!!!) to our estates in Wankershire for the BADger jousts. It was relly kool even thogh my bros Wayne and Darren had cum along!!!! ( they are horible and once dey made me cry & stuf/ Hey u got bros and sis then who teese you about ur hair and teeth brace and stuf like that then??

anehow i am back now, u can c dat lol!. I had told Auntie u want a postal order an she say fine but i have 2 wait until u send her her stuff 1st K?? I am not sure what that mean but she sed u wuld k.

how u then?

I din do much clubbin wen i was away, there was no time (((

C XXX

And over at Horse Guard Parade...

Quote:

Dear James,

I suggest you hold on till you hear the one i dedicate to HRH so that you will see to believe, i give out the best. Is just that am worried that she have not recieve it till now and the postal master here in Nigeria said it has been delivered.

Honestly speaking, i dont no what is going on over there.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear James,

I change my mind. I understand that the secreat in the music business is exposure, because seeing is believing, is why i have to take a plunge into unknown and hope to know. Just as i told you last time that any song i send across to you must make you popular the more or even fetch you Grammy Award.

Meanwhile, i hereby attach a lyrics of song titled " YOU'RE THE STAR " dedicated to HRM Queen Elizabeth for your assessment.

" YOU'RE THE STAR "

Written by : Prince Charles Nwaimo.

Dedicated to HRM Queen Elizabeth.

Talkings : To night
I want to dedicate
This song
To Queen Elizabeth
In honour
Of her good works
All over the world.

Solo : For the love
World wide have for you
Is so great
Though you dont know me
Your good works compel me to sing
I know you're the star
Among the stars
I know you're the star
That stara all the stars
All i could do
Is to pray, pray, pray
Holy spirit come
Come self guild her for me
Holy spirit come
Come bless her family
Bridge : All they that died
Like Princess Diana
Please show them love
With precious flower care
Now let join together
All over the World
And sing.

Chours : You're the star
Queen Elizabeth
You're the star
Among the stars
You're the star
That stara all the stars
You're the star
That gliters all over the world
You're the star

Solo : You're the star
Among the stars
You stay by the moon
To possess divine light
You're the bright morning star
Among the stars
You're colourful, bright and beauty
You're the star
That stara all the stars
In the sky

Chours : You're the star
Queen Elizabeth
You're the star
Among the stars
You're the star
That stara all the stars
You're the star
That gliters all over the world
You're the star

Dear james just as i said earliar seeing is believing and the secraet in the music business is exposure is why i have to take a stepping stone. You have two options here, you can wish to buy the lyrics only with the sum of three thousand dorks or you can wish to buy the lyrics with the work track with the sum of six thousand dorks i think choice is yours. This is just the begining and i must to tell you this what i hate most is for someone i want to help from my heart to use me. With time you will be giving me royalties because what am going to give you is the best of my writ ups it all depends on the one you want.

Finanlly, first impression matters in all you do lets work together with one mind, love and unity.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Hi,

Dont tell me you havn't seen the whole lyrics of the song titled " YOU'RE THE STAR " dedicated to HRM Queen Elizabeth sent to you for assessment. I must to be plain to you what i hate most is someone to use me expercially when am using my whole heart to do something for you.

Quote:

SIR I REGRET TO REPORT THAT THE COLONEL IS CURRENTLY AWAY ON MANOEUVRES SIR IN THE WEST 0F SCOTLAND WITH MOST OF THE LADS SIR FOR A FEW DAYS. MAY I BE OF ASSISTANCE? WE DO HAVE A RADIO CHECK IN TWICE A DAY THE NEXT BEING 0600 HOURS TOMORROW SIR. I DESPATCHED OFF TO HIM YOUR LAST COMMUNICATION AND AWAIT ORDERS MEANTIME SIR. IF I MAY BE SO BOLD TO EXPRESS AN ENLISTED MANS OPINION SIR, YOU HAVE WRITTEN SOME FINE WORDS AND I AM SURE THE LADS AND I WOULD ENJOY MARCHING OFF WITH THEM THUNDERING IN OUR EARS SIR. SORRY TO BE NO FURTHER ASSISTANCE SIR. INCIDENTALLY MY GREAT GRANDFATHER I BELIEVE DEALT WITH YOUR LOT DURING THE SECOND SUDAN CAMPAIGN IF I MAY BE SO BOLD SIR A FINE OLD SCRAP OUT THERE IT WAS TOO SIR.

REGIMENTAL SGT MAJOR RORKE O'DRIFT

pp

Lt Col Brudenell (Commanding)

Oh..Oh...Looks like Stroganov is blowing the whistle...

Quote:

Subject : TO PRINCESS MARGARET_URGENT_12 09 06

PRINCESS MARGARET

YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS_I HAVE NEWS_LADY AGATHA BRISTOL AT
THE SPECIAL OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT HAS PASSED ME SOME
VERY WORRYING INTEL ON PRINCE CHARLES_NOT ONLY DOES HE
HAVE SHALL WE SAY A SHADY FINANCIAL PAST BUT HAS A
WORRYING PENCHANT FOR SPENDING HIS SPARE TIME AT A GAY
NIGHTCLUB IN ACCRA_FINALLY_AND MOST WORRYINGLY OF
ALL_I HAVE CONFIDENTIAL REPORTS THAT HE HAS AN UNPAID
TAB AT VLADIMIR'S AT SMEGAROON ISLAND AND WHEN
QUESTIONED ABOUT THIS IT LED TO A SERIES OF EVENTS
THAT WOULD BECOME KNOWN AS THE BOWDEN AFFAIR!!!!_I
SUGGEST WE OFFER PRINCE CHARLES AN OPPORTUNITY TO
EXPLAIN HIMSELF BEFORE WE PULL THE PLUG ON THESE
MISERABLE MODALITIES_I AWAIT YOUR COMMAND

STROGANOV

Quote:

Your Highness,

With due respect to your organisation. I felt cooled when i read your mail, expecially when you said no music no dorks it now sounds as if am concious of money. My Princess the song i dedicate to you is from my heart just for you to see my performace and to see the need to market my work over there because my brand of music is far wider and more acceptable market in the western world, using it as in condition to me is quit unfair, you are not impressing me at all. Do you know how much unusual good lyrics of song can be sold to a rightful music company or Artist ? i suggest you should go out and ask. 100 dorks is no money to me right now and it can never, never solve any of my problems so while the delay, instruct them to pay then you will now no if am trust worthy or not. For christ sake am working for future, i have mission, so stop suspecting me am not what you think i am.

Moreover, what i hate most is doing something with someone who dont trust me. A friend of mine after listening to the song dedicated to you in the studio yesterday night when i went to print out the music from studio he made me realize that i was faster than my shadow that is the reason while you and financial asisstance are playing me like football and i think he's right.

However, while i needed the 100 dorks is to enable me send the music through DHL to avoid stories again and it will only take three days to get to you. I dont have five thousand naira to pay the lawyer i meet that promise to provide me The Nigerian Overseas Finance ACT ??? ducment or kindly send me another address that i will use to send the music through Nigerian Nipost again at least i can afford the money is just five hundred and twenty Naira it will only take two weeks to get to you.

God knows that i send the music to you and whosoever that is holding my music will never, never no peace in jesus name, Amen untill the person confess and give his life to christ.

THANKS.

YOURS TRULY

PRINCE CHARLES.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

Once again I find a message from yourself a mixed blessing. Yes, my good chap We are eager to help you. Yes your ongoing difficulties, what with the landlord, grandmotherly demise and whatnot provokes deep sympathies, and the account of both makes us keener than ever to see that you get what you so obviously deserve. But the continued lack of arrival of your musical masterpiece, this to our increased chagrin, means that we hesitate in fulfilling Our end of the bargain. I know it cannot be the post at fault, as I received a pair of zebra skin carpet slippers from your part of the world only two days ago. Please attend to your lack of success with renewed native zeal and let us move forward together with this business.

MARGARET

Quote:

Dear Mikhail Stroganov,

I think is good time i should tell you my life
story and how i started with HRH Princess Margaret.

I came from a well known wealthy Royal polygamous
family in eastern Nigeria. My sweet mum died on 7th
febuary, 2004 may her gentle soul rest in peace. I
dont need God to come down from heaven and tell me
that is not my father who used her for money ritual,
i accused him for using my mum for money ritual is
why he disown me since then it was my grandma that
is taking care of me befor she passaway on 4th
August. Right now am leaving by the special grace of
God.

I get to know HRH since jun and she knows my story
but to my immediate surprise she dont believe me is
my major concern money is not everything all am
trying to do is to build strong realationship but
the problem is that she dont trust me and is what i
hate most. Honestly speaking the song she is using
asin condition to me is what i did from my joyful
heart when she promise to help me why using it asin
condition, i mean why. Befor God and man I have send
her the song on 9th August if i lie may almighty God
remove my life, may i not leave to see tommorrow.
Infact, am tired of the whole thing God knows.

Now you can see the reason why i dont have any
lawyer around me, you can now see that i dont have
money to pay lawyer to help me with the ducment you
need. Now tell me is there no any other means to
send this money.

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

THIS IS ALL VERY WELL_BUT THE INTELLIGENCE WE HAVE
GATHERED ON YOU IS WORRYING_IF YOU ARE PART OF A ROYAL
FAMILY THEN WHY DO YOU NEED THE DORKS ANYWAY??_100
DORKS IS A NOT INCONSIDERABLE SUM BUT MERE PENNIES TO
SOMEONE OF YOUR ILK_OR PERHAPS YOU ARE NOT WHO YOU SAY
YOU ARE??_I SHOULD WARN YOU YOUNG MAN THAT WE WILL NOT
TAKE KINDLY TO MATTERS IF YOU ARE TRYING TO DECEIVE
US_THINK ABOUT THIS MAN AND GET BACK TO US_

S

Quote:

My Princess,

Dont you think am tired of your help. This is good four months i meet you without anything good from you, no one will see the song i dedicate to you without showing at least appriciation. You know that i dont have house of my own and i told you that am now scorting with people what did you do, nothing. Not only that you stop Candice from help me.

Each time i remeber what you make me pass through without any benefit from you i felt bad. My Princess i sold my property, borrowed money to make sure i did the song and send it to you befor God and man if i lie may God take away my life right now all i recieve from you is you didnt recieve the music.

I must be pain i dont like the way you treat me and beside 100 dorks is not what am even expecting from you based on the kind of song i dedicate to you.

Am not happy at all.

Quote:

My Dear Prince Charles

It really is no good bleating on this mawkish colonial fashion. The plain fact of the matter is that we have not received a note of music from you, despite your promises and we feel very let down. How then can we be persuaded to trust to your honesty? We were impressed with the words we saw making up your song lyrics, but still await a musical contribution. We have brass bands and all sorts of what not standing by. Can you not persuade us by contributing a simple delivery as we expect?

After a few more days I will sadly have to put the dorks back into the petty cash. You really do seem a very ungrateful sort of native chap.

MARGARET

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

Sir, I am lately back from some military exercises in Scotland and my Sgt Major tells me in debriefing that you have written a couple of times asking for a decision on your musical composition.

Is there no negotiation on the commission rate? We have recently spent a lot from out of our regimental active service fund for pyjamas for the brave men out in Afghanistan and feel your charges are a little high. Have you no patriotism?

Incidentally, you never said if you wished some dung from the stables? I have lads standing by.

I remain, sir

Brudenell (Commanding)

Quote:

My Princess,

Cant you see that you are not helping matters at all. For christ sake i have manage to print out the song from studio, do you still want me to send it through Nigerian nipost again what if it didnt get to you again that's my concern My Princess.

Am begging you in the name of God kindly send me the 100 dorks today to enable me send the music through DHL on monday by wenesday it will get to you is more saver and more faster please.

Is not that am not greatful, i was obset that yesterday is why i writ that way am really sorry please forgive you are my only hope please am begging you in the name of God even if you want me and my backups to come over there to do it live is my plasure plaese dont turn away from me you're like mother, sister i mean everything to me.

I look forward to hear postive answer from you My Princess.

Thanks and remain blessed My Princess.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Dear Prince Charles

It hardly seems a weekend goes by without my returning from a pleasant weekend away on some official duty or what not, only to be confronted by another message from yourself, but still neither hide nor hair of the song all of Us here are so keen to see and sing. It is with heavy heart that I take up the cudgel again in pursuit of this business, which, to be frank, has caused more of a distraction than one would like, especially with the Windsor Castle jousting tourneys starting very shortly.

By all means if you wish to send it again that might be best, but for heavens sake please get the address correct. One feels that the misdelivery of the last package may be put down to the mis shapen native scrawl so familiar from the educative processes of your part of the world.

A far better idea would be to send the Mp3 file as we have requested all along, and to follow it up with the music by all means if required. In this way you and your dorks could be quickly united and without all these salutory shennanigans either.

Kind regards

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
(+44) (0)20 7930 4832

Quote:

>
> Dear Mikhail Stroganov,
>
> You can say what ever you like to me. Why i needed
> the 100 dorks is to enable me resend the music
> through DHL. Because seeing is believing. I think
> all this delay have reason am expecting my music
> sponsor by ending of this month from US.
>
> Prince Charles

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

THIS IS A BANK NOT A UN HANDOUT CENTRE FOR GODS
SAKE_IF YOU HAVE A SPONSOR THEN WHY DO YOU NEED THE
DORKS FROM US??_YOU CAN SEND YOUR SONG TO HER ROYAL
HIGHNESS AS AN MP3 FILE WHICH PRINCESS CANDICE CAN
DOWNLOAD ONTO ON HER IPOD_THEN WE CAN GET THESE
MODALITIES ATTENDED TO_BY THE WAY_ARE YOU WATCHING THE
CHELSEA V LIVERPOOL MATCH THIS WEEKEND???_PRINCESS
MARGARET_PLEASE ADVISE_ADDITIONALLY I DO NOT MEAN TO
LABOUR THE POINT BUT THE INTEL RECEIVED ON PRINCE
CHARLES BY MY CONTACT AT THE SPECIAL OPERATIONS
DEPARTMENT CANNOT BE IGNORED!_PLEASE ADVISE

- STROGANOV

Quote:

> Mikhail Stroganov,
>
> Am really greatful for the mp3 file idea, i will
> do it right away.
>
> Once again thank you for the idea, i really
> appreciate. May almighty God bless you aboundantly.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.
>

Quote:

My Princess,

I have been sitting on edge since friday to hear from you concerning the music i dedicate to you, is everything alright.

Please i look forth to hear from you, am worried.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Dear Charles

I am at a loss with this. How has it been supplied? My butler, Scones has not brought me any deliveries from you?

MARGARET

Quote:

> Dear Mikhail stroganov,
>
> I dont really know what is happening over there, i
> have attach the song and send it to HRH Princess
> Margaret on friday been 15th but to my immediate
> surprise no respond yet.
>
> Is anything the matter ?
>
> Thanks in anticipating,
>
> Your Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

I BELIEVE THAT HRH HAD TO TRAVEL TO SMEGAROON THIS
WEEKEND TO OPEN THE TOSSOV BUSINESS CENTRE_MEANWHILE I
AWAIT FURTHER NEWS FROM YOUR END ON THE OUTSTANDING
MATTERS_GET BACK TO ME AS SOON AS YOU CAN_KEEP THE
CUSTARD BOILING

- S

Quote:

From : prince charles <[email protected]>
Sent : 14 September 2006 08:32:46
To : Candice Windsor <[email protected]>
Subject : AM NOT HAPPY WITH YOU

YOU DISAPPOINT ME CANDICE

Quote:

> Dear Mikhail Stroganov,
>
> The truth is that what you people think of me is
> not what i am, am a child of God, i mean a born
> again chritian all am trying to do is to build this
> relationship for HRH to grant me the opportunity to
> sell my album over there while the proceed will be
> shared to wit 50 / 50 is my mission and she know
> that i see no reason while you people dont believe
> me ok i will attach the music right now to you for
> you to down load and listen to my work track who
> knows God can use to sponsor my album while we go
> into negotiation.
>
> Thanks in anticipating,
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY MY FRIEND_I AM SURE THAT
YOUR INTENTIONS_SUCH AS THEY ARE_ARE REAL AND THAT
YOUR SONG IS CHARMING_BUT I CAN ONLY ACT ON
INTELLIGENCE RECEIVED_IF YOU CAN SIMPLY TELL US WHAT
YOU WERE DOING IN VLADIMIR'S ON THE NIGHT OF 17TH MAY
1997 THEN ALL WILL BE WELL

- S

Quote:

My Princess,

It seems you didnt understand me i attach the music asin mp3 file just as you said. It was attached on the mail sent to you on friday last week been 15th, please kindly go through it and ask Candice to help you down load it please. I dont have money to send it through DHL i sold my cell phone to get money and print it out from the studio and attach it asin MP3 file as you said. Please kindly see what you can do for me am finished the whole world is so heavy on me please am begging i have really suffered to make sure i attach the song asin MP3 file as you said.

I look forward to hear a positive answer from you, to feed now is very difficult for me and please dont delay what ever you have for me am dieing i must confess even if i didnt recieve anything from you from now till friday i have to go back to the village because i can no longer cope in the city. Please have mercy on me and see the need to help me please am begging.

Remain bless,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Mikhail Stroganov,

Are you people trying to pull my legs or what. What kind of question are you asking me

"IF YOU CAN SIMPLY TELL US WHAT
YOU WERE DOING IN VLADIMIR'S ON THE NIGHT OF 17TH MAY
1997 THEN ALL WILL BE WELL"

cant you see that you people are up to something, what business do i have to do with such question that dont even concern's me and why should you ask me such question ? i need explaination.

Thanks,

Yours Truly

Prince Charles.

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

IT IS A SIMPLE ENOUGH QUESTION WITH NOT TOO MANY LONG
WORDS_IF YOU HARE HAVING TROUBLE THEN ASK ONE OF YOUR
SERVANTS OR FLUNKIES TO EXPLAIN IT BUT WE NEED AN
ANSWER_THE DIPLOMATIC CONSEQENCES COULD BE
FAR-REACHING IF WE DO NOT CLEAR THIS MATTER UP_NOW
ANSWER THE DAMNED QUESTION FOR GODS SAKE

-S

Quote:

--- prince charles <[email protected]>
wrote:

> All am expecting from HRH Princess Margaret, is i
> have listen to the song but to my immediate surprise
> she have not said anything who knows if the
> sameperson who delect my inbox and all my sent
> message when i give them my password to print out my
> ID. May be the same person has also be deleting the
> attached song so that HRH will not see it. Please
> kindly let her know that i have send her the song
> twice but to my immediate surprise she have not said
> anything.
>
> Now to answer your question ;
>
> "IF YOU CAN SIMPLY TELL US WHAT
> YOU WERE DOING IN VLADIMIR'S ON THE NIGHT OF 17TH
> MAY
> 1997 THEN ALL WILL BE WELL"
>
> I dont no where is VLADIMIR'S and that of 1997 am
> still in my class 5 in secondry school is that
> clear.
>
>

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

YOU MUST BE PATIENT AND THESE PARANOID DELUSIONS ABOUT
DELETING YOUR MUSIC ARE HELPING NO-ONE_AS FOR YOUR
EXPLANATION CAN YOU OFFER EVIDENCE OF THIS???_I CANNOT
BELIEVE THAT THE INTEL WE HAVE RECEIVED IS FAULTY AND
THOUGH WE MAY GIVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT FOR
NOW IRINA AT VLADIMIR'S SAYS OTHERWISE_I LEAVE IT TO
HRH TO DECIDE BUT I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU

- S

Quote:

My Princess,

With deu respect to your organisation. I just went to my bank manager this morning to table this issue of Nigerian Overseas Financial Act ducment which you requested from me. The bank manager of United Bank For Africa ( UBA ) which am operating with took time this morning to esplain to me the only three systems or ways of recieving money from overseas. First, by opening a Dolla account which i dont have such an account and do not have money to open such an account, Secondly through Western Union Money Transfer and finally through Money Gram. I left there and went to First Bank Of Nigerian PLC. The bank manager of this bank told me the samething, so i think they are right. Please i beg of you in the name of our lord Jesus Christ, ie you send this money through Money Gram or through Western Union Money Transfer if you know you are real and you really want to help me.

Moreover, each time i sent a mail to you it cost me two hundred naira, as a school dropout and jobless man hoping to restor my hope and life through you My Princess am so confuse. I sold all my properties, i also borrowed money from people just to put this music inorder, now have lost my properties, i have become a debtor.

My Princess, i trusted you to the extend i took all this risk to make sure that i proved my self real also to maintain the realationship. But you are trying to betray the trust, the confidence and everything i have for you. Meanwhile, i sent the music to you, to Mikhail Stroganov, to Candice your nice and My Tossov through MP3 file as you said asin evidence and also for them to be my withness. But to my greatest surprise the bank manager Mr Mikhail Stroganov replyed to me that he has recieved the music, that the music is too sweet, too charming that he has been fully conviced that am real. I thank God for that and him too, but you My Princess that i dedicated this music to uptill now still yet to hear from you that's why i said am confused.

Moreso, i keep on saying it that i am suspecting your secretory ie he or she is responsible for all the problems and delay. He / she has been deleting all the mail i have being sending to you even though the CD plate that contains the music dedicated to you through Nigerian Nipost he / she is responsible because i have traced it and finanlly find out that the registered mail was successfully delievered.

My Princess, my major problem now is to pay my debts because the preasure is too much on me i beg you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Thanks in anticipation.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

THIS LONG-WINDED WHINING DOES NOT HELP ANYONE AND IS
MOST UNBECOMING OF A MEMBER OF A ROYAL FAMILY_STOP
THIS PATHETIC PINING FOR GODS SAKE AND ANSWER THE
DAMNED QUESTIONS_HOW ELSE ARE WE GOING TO GET THESE
MODALITIES FINALISED???_I WOULD ADD THAT I HAVE BEEN
APPROACHED BY JAME PETER JA AND JONATHAN MORONIKA WHO
I MUST SAY ARE FAR MORE SAVVY AND PROFESSIONAL

- S

Quote:

--- prince charles <[email protected]>
wrote:

> Dear Mikhail Stroganov,
>
> If i may ask are you people real, i mean what kind
> of question are you asking me, the question you are
> asking me is irelivant to the business we are doing.
> If at all you people are real i think all this delay
> woundnt have occour. Am sick and tired of this
> questions what ever you people feel like doing go
> ahead. You can only delay destiny but you cannot
> stop it.
>

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

THIS NATIVE TRUCULENCE DOES NOT HELP THIS TROUBLESOME
TRANSACTION IF I MAY SAY AND IS MOST UNBECOMING_WHO
THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DEALING
WITH???_HOWEVER_THE FINAL DECISION ON THIS MATTER
RESTS WITH HRH AND WE SHALL SEE WHAT CAN BE DONE

- S

Quote:

My Princess,

Are you the real Princess Margaret i use to hear about, if really you are, then you are not doing like her. The real Princess Margaret i used to hear about they said she is caring, loving and kind. That she is like a mother to the needy expercially to motherless and homeless once, she is well known world wide is all i hear and decided to dedicate that song to you.

My Princess, why have you decided to turn my joy to sorrow, my happiness to sad, my love for you to heatred, my hope to hopeless and all the sleepless night you caused me to go through. I keep asking God what is my crime for dedicating a song to you with hope of reward all i recieve is too many questions that you yourself knows that i cannot handle. The rich dont cares to know what the poor is going through, how i wish you could see what am going through you will help me without any delay. Tell me why you decided not to writ me all this while after attaching the music asin MP3 as you said, do you realize what i pass through to make sure i did this music in the studio and make sure i send you this music, why do you want to pay me back with tears of pain and sleepless night after honouring you My Princess. Are you the real Princess Margaret i use to hear about ? please tell me because a well known musician here in Nigeria wants to buy my idea and rededicate the song i did for you to President Bush and to me is not fair, naturally i just love you My Princess with hope you will help me market my album over there while the proceed therefrom, will be shared to wit 50/50.

Are you the real Princess Margaret, i need to know my friends said that the real Margaret can never, never treat me this way am so confused i dont know what to door what to say, i just love you for all the good works you have done expecially to the needy though you have not done any for me.

You own me explanation please so that i wont make mistake.

Thanks

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 8:41 am

This is possibly one of the best baits I have read for a long time. It has all the hallmarks of becoming a classic. I am impressed that you have strung your lad along to the point that I can almost feel him banging his head against a brick wall on his way home from the inter-net caf� each evening.

You have played it straight down the line...no stupid requests for trophies or posed photos...and yet managed to keep the carrot dangling just out of his reach. Although technically a ‘straight bait’ you have managed to keep it funny and amusing. I shall look on the Royal Establishment with different eyes from now on.

I particularly enjoyed the many characters that you have managed to introduce without raising his suspicions. (Each one totally different in their own right)

It is to this end that I have re-formatted your post to make it easier to read.

I only hope that all newcomers to the site will take note... that not all baits require your lad to pose for photos with signs. A bait like this one is trophy enough in it’s own right.

Well done Lonslo...I look forward to seeing what happens next. clapping

Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 9:31 am

Many thanks, but praise is also due to two friends of mine, who do the Stroganov, Tushie and Kucker character strands. I have some more updates to post here from my side of things and will do so later..

Incidentally some other of my stuff appears in the new book
Scamorama: Turning the Tables on Email Scammers. Payment for advanced copies by Western Union, naturally.

Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 3:33 pm

wow. that was one looong bait. and it never got old. really, really really good job!!

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 12:23 am

This seriously made my day Very Happy

...

Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 3:37 am

@Lonslo

It is not necessary to open an individual post for every letter recieved. Could you please make use of the edit function and just add to the already existing post. Wink

Posted: Wed Sep 27, 2006 9:47 pm

Quote:

The song! The song!!!

A new character, a new phase .. a great madness

ATTN: Prince Charles Nwaimo

Your Highness,

Buckingham Palace has asked my department to look into the matter of a
missing package that you sent to Princess Margaret recently.

As you are probably aware, Britain has been under a High Security Alert
ever since the 5/11 terrorist attempt to blow up the House of Lords. It is
possible that your package was mistaken for a letter bomb, and
accidentally destroyed by an overzealous security Officer.

Fortunately however we are obliged to keep detailed records of all suspect
packages that we destroy, so it should be relatively simple to see if your
package was amongst them. Please could you send me full details of your
package for me to check against our files. In particular, I will need to
know the following:

** The size of your package in inches

** The approximate weight of your package

** A rough idea of the shape of your package

** Your package's colour and any other distinguishing features

I should be grateful if you could send these details to me as soon as
possible. If it does turn out that our security staff were to blame for
accidentally destroying your package, then you will obviously be entitled
to the standard compensation payments.

Bill Haydon
MI-6

Quote:

Date: Tue, 26 Sep 2006 03:44:35 -0700 (PDT)
From: prince charles <[email protected]>
Subject: i hereby attach the music to you for the last time.
To: [email protected]

> Dear bill haydon, With due respect to your organisation, i got your
mail and it's contents where well understood. Well i cant really feed
you with all the information you needed from me concerning the missing
package as you said but all i have right hear with me is the registered
mail serial number which i know i kept it in my file and the date on the
evelop is 9th August, 2006 on the envelop the name of the sender was
written this way PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO NO 5 CHIEFAGBO STREET
ASATA ENUGU NIGERIA. However, i hereby attach the music once again
for you to go and table it to HRH Princess Margaret right now to listen
asin mp3 file just as she demanded
> befor is too late because someone wants to buy my idea of the song
dedicated to her which is not really from my heart because of the love
i have for her, she bears the same name with my late sweet mum each
time i remeber her i remeber my mum is why i dont really want to hurt
her but the truth is she dont trust me is my major concern. Money is
not everything all i want from her is to treat me like a mother and not
to allow me pass through hardship. Make sure you play this music
attached to your mail to her is the song i dedicate to her and tell her
that i have been sending her this song through mp3 file as demanded by
me but to my immediate surprise she have not said anything.
Finanlly, tell her i love her and i wont betray her or disappoint her
by selling this song to another musicial who will now go out and make
name with my work track, though
> the buy wants to buy it from me with the sum of $ 45000 but to me i
want to make name through HRH world wide is my main target and the
truth is my brand of music is far wider and more acceptable market in
the western world. However, the truth is if i did not hear any positive
reply after you have present this music to her to day to listen to this
single sound track titled " WE WISH YOU THIS " dedicated to HRH i have
no choice than to sell it and use the money to solve my problem i must
be plain. Thanks, Yours Truly, Prince Charles.

[NB: Those lucky members of Scambaiters at YahooGroups can now download Prince Charles' song which is stored in the shared files. It makes a great addition to the music collection ]

Quote:

Your Highness,

Thank you for sending me that rather interesting song, although I really
don't see why you did it. Most of my department's satisfied customers are
content to send us a simple "Thank you" message.

Now, turning back to the more important matter of your missing package,
you description was rather vague. However, going from it, I am sorry to
day that we HAVEN'T accidentally mistaken your package for a letter bomb
and destroyed it. Its whereabouts are still a mystery.

It looks as if you have no choice but to send it again. I would suggest
that this time you also email us in advance with a picture of yourself
holding the package, so that this time we have some idea of what to look
out for. Note that the picture must include your hands holding your
package to give us an idea of its size. It's very hard to judge the size
of a photograph of a box on its own.

Finally, If you have any messages for HRH Princess Margaret, I would
suggest you send them to her yourself, rather than relying on a middle-man
which always causes confusion. I believe you already have her email
address <[email protected]>

Bill Haydon.
MI-6

Quote:

My Dear Prince Charles

Another enforced absence from my beloved palace and loyal retainers here at
Doss House, and I find I have returned to quite a state of affairs. I must
admit that I would have thought that by now you would have retained some
degree of royal decorum in this matter.

Your responses to Mr Stroganov's quite sensible concerns are frankly
bewildering. Is this the way to behave? I ask you.

However you will be delighted to know that I have now heard your song and
found it gracious work indeed. However I have doubts that it can ever be
reworked into something for a brass band. Do you have any suggestions. But
the main thing is that it has arrived, and We are persuaded that your need
is genuine. In fact going by the song alone, such is its merits that One
feels that you are in urgent help and We shall make it our business to see
that you get it.

Kind regards

Margaret

Quote:

Dear Candy,

Please i want you to do me a favour kindly tell HRH Princess Margaret that i said i have been attaching the song to her asin MP3 file as she said for good three times to my immediate surprise no reply from her and all through yesterday i tried to reach her but it keep bouncing back to me, though i know is not HRH i suspect her assistance. It was her asistance who delet my inbox and all my sent messages even right n ow am suspecting her as the person who recieve the song i sent through Nigerian nipost and have decided not to give it to HRH Princess Margaret, i dont need Jesus Christ to come down and tell me that.

So, what about your own music are you not intrested again, you have to update me so that i can forget about you and please kindly witdraw from any transaction so far made on that song because by God's grace i will soon work on my full album.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince(?) Charles

I was accidentally checking my young niece's (HRH Princess Candice) mail on another purpose when I discover this message of yours, and on very familiar terms I must say. Do you know who she is???

Please be so good as to explain your intentions, as this was rather a shock and I had no idea she had entered into such a familiar relationship with a person unknown to me by person or at court, sir.

Is this some kind of joke?

Kindly reply at once as I do not wish to be spread too thinly.

MARMITE

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC
Regis Court Chamberlain
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
(+44) (0)20 7930 4832
http://www.freewebs.com/sirmarmite/index.htm

Quote:

Meanwhile, over at the barracks a nessage is received by the Light Horse Brigade commander..

From : prince charles <[email protected]>
Sent : 15 September 2006 08:00:12
To : James Thomas Brudenell <[email protected]>
Subject : HI MR JAMES

| | | Inbox

Dear James Thomas

I got your mail and it's cool by me. So what do you suggest, are you intrested in buying the lyrics or the work track let me see where i can be of help.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Sir,

My apologies for the delay in replying to your last communication but I have been awaiting orders on how to proceed from the war department. You will understand, sir, that with the current crisis in Afghanistan, regimental funds and non essential activities are very much scrutinized by the higher levels of service personnel, and it necessarily takes time to get clearance on non campaign renumerations. Eventually however I was able to get continuation from Lord Wellington himself.

However I am pleased to report that, in principal we can look to commissioning something from you along the lines first discussed. However there has been some outline in the orders I have just received as regards to the nature of the piece, namely that:

it must be a quality suitable for martial use on formal occasions;
it must reflect the values and tradition of the regiment at least in passing
the content of the song must be free of native solecisms and idioms (and no light 'pop', Lord Wellington was very emphatic on that point, he has a perfect hatred for ABBA's 'Waterloo' if that can be a guide)
a sample of the work must be submitted before payment can be processed by the adjutant generals office.

I am hoping sir that this means we can proceed togther and look forward in this matter. I am expect orders in regards to further troop dispersal to the far east shortly but will issue my regimental sergeant major O'Drift with orders in respect of this business during any absence on my part.

I remain, sir

Brudenell (Commanding)

Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
7th Earl of Cardigan
Royal Smegaroon Marching Band
Light Horse Brigade
Tennyson Barracks
600 Rode Inn Valley
Smegaroon, UK
UR1 GIT

Quote:

>From: prince charles <[email protected]>
>To: Marmite Luny-Binns <[email protected]>
>Subject: Re: To Prince Charles - what are your intentions??
>Date: Thu, 28 Sep 2006 01:22:28 -0700 (PDT)
>I dont really have anything to do with her she only see the song i dedicate to HRH Princess Margaret and ask me to dedicate one to her. Am from Nigeria and we dont have anything in common befor God and man, please do not missunderstood facts.
>Prince Charles

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I must admit this is all very irregular. Candice tells me that you are a musician of some sort? I know she enjoys the musical scene of an evening and is a keen club goer but I must admit the prospect of some third world tunesmith in the family fills One with trepidation. I know she developed quite an infatuation with a DJ chappie last year and it took a private detective to shake him off. Which musical college did you attend?

MARMITE

Quote:

My Princess,

Am really sorry to the way i sounded to you and Mr Stronganov's is really bad time for me over here the whole world is so heavy on me that i cant even design my ways anymore. Though i was really misled by the people am owing is why i sounded bad to you people is never my intention please forgive me and forget the past.

I dont really know the nature of your brass band i would have know what to suggest.

My Princess, once again am really sorry for all the embarrassment sent by me. Is really bad time for me over here even right now am planning to travel to the village to stay with my grandpa if i happened to borrow money for my transportaion fee, where i will be at least eat my daily bread i cant really cope here in the city and the preasure people am owing is giving me can even make me runaway.

Once again, am really greatful for understanding me and i promise never to offend you and your organisation.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I must admit my concerns have been assuaged by your excellent tune which has rarely been off the stereogram in the servants quarters since it arrived. Indeed I once had it played over the loudspeaker system during the morning silverwear polishing hour, a sort of music while you work moment and what not, and I must admit have rarely seen the chores completed so quickly.

As for the brass band side of things, I rather think something bright and cheerful with tuba and cornet would be splendid, although I am hardly an authority on these matters. Have you spoken to the Thane of Cawdor about opportunities for an arrangement?

MARGARET

Quote:

> Mikhail Stroganov,
>
> I beg you in the name of our lord Jesus Christ,
> what you think of me is not what i am if only you
> will understand me and see what am passing through
> you will even help me from your own pocket
> willingly. Please see the need to help me and
> forgive me the way i sounded to you is never my
> intention i was misled and is why i have to
> apologise to you, kindly bear with me.
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.
>
>

Quote:

YES YES YES ALRIGHT CHARLES I GET THE POINT_NOW LET US
GET ON WITH THINGS FOR GODS SAKE

- S

Quote:

Dear Marmite Luny-Binns,

With due respect to your organisation, i got your mail and it's contents where well understood and i really appreciate hearing from you.

Actually am a musician but am unknown in the music fuild due to financial handicap which will be alright very soon and you will deffenectly listen to my album very soon. Well, you need to listen to the single sound track i dedicate to HRH Princess Margaret titled " WE WISH YOU THIS " is far wider and more acceptable market in the western world. Howerever, i didnt attempt to any musical college mine is natural givft from above and sometime you dont need to attempt to any musical college befor you become a musician, so mine is natural.

Finaly, i must be pain to you i have nothing to do with Candice and will not have anything to do with her she only like the song she ask me to dedicate to her and nothing more else even am about to change my mind to attach the song dedicate to her in my ful album because this one you have started suspecting me is what i hate most expecially when i know i have clear concence.

Gooday,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I am not sure what you mean about a song addressed to my niece. Is it a clubbing arrangement? I hope that you do not plan anything vulgar. She is a young, easily influenced member of the royal family and I would not wish her good name brought low by some overtly suggestive native chanting or suggestive sounds and the like, fancy drumming or not.

MARMITE

Quote:

29 September 2006

Dear Prince Charles,

I am pleased to inform you that Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret has received your song and has authorised me to send you one thousand golden dorks.

These will be issued and transferred to your bank account next Wednesday October 4th. If this cash has not reached your account by 12 noon on Thursday October 5th, please contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Joseph Kucker
Chief Cashier
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
69 Blunkett Avenue
St Dunstans
London FU1 7TT

Quote:

My Princess,

Am really greatful for your recomendation towards the music dedicated to you. But somthing is missing i expect to hear from you My Princess that you will help me market my ful album over there when ever is ready and which i will like to use " WE WISH YOU THIS " as my first track in the album this will enable my album sell beyond expectation over there and you can equally organize a lunch of the album over there and this will fetch us some golden dorks as far as you are the sponsor of the album please My Princess is my major target, what do you think ?

I suggest you should be the one to talk to Thane of Cawdor about the
opportunities for an arrangement cause he will deffenectly give you attention My Princess.

Once again i thank God for knowing you. May almighty Gold self guide for me in Jesus name i pray Amen.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

I have had a think about your excellent idea and think that I may indeed know someone, a bit of a wheeler dealer chappie in the music business over here as it happens, who may be just able to advise and help with the development of your musical record. Shall I forward your details and what not on to him?

I will further have a word with Mr Tossov about the possibilities of arrangement, but as you are the composer, it is only right you should have a say.

Incidentally I have your splendid music playing as we speak. I must admit that it has quite eclipsed Des O'Connor, a favourite vocalist of mine for some time, from my regular listening.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

>
> Dear Prince Charles,
>
> Please allow me to introduce myself. This email may
> come as a surprise, but please do not be concerned.
> I
> am Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE, Head of Special
> Operations at Her Majesty's Foreign Office.
>
> We are an unofficial government agency that attends
> to
> HMG's interests at home and abroad.
>
> Word reaches me that there could be a link between
> yourself and the events leading up to The Bowden
> Affair. I realise that you have been through this
> with
> Stroganov, but National Security and the interests
> of
> Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II and Her Royal
> Highness
> Princess Margaret must be paramount.
>
> Do you have any thoughts on this matter? Please be
> as
> honest as you can, and have no fear off offending
> us.
>
> Yours ever,
>
> Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
> Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London
>
>

Quote:

> Deae Agatha Bristol,
>
> With due respect to your organisation, i got your
> mail this morning and it's contents where well
> understood. Honestly speaking i was ask to provide
> Nigerian Overseas Finance Act by Mr Stronganov befor
> payment will be grant to me. I discuss this with my
> bank manager and he said to me that the only way and
> the fastest way someone can send me money from
> Oversea is through Western Money Union Transfer or
> through Money Gram or if i have money i should open
> dollar account and the truth is i dont have money to
> open the dollar account because is too espensive. I
> desided to see a lawyer for the Nigerian Overseas
> Finance Act he said i should pay him five thousand
> naira for him to provide me the ducments and the
> truth is i dont have such money.
>
> I hereby attach my bank details given to Mr
> Stronganov :
>
> Bank Name : UNITED BANK FOR AFRICA
>
> Bank Address : 53 OKARA AVENU
> ENUGU NIGERIA
> WEST AFRICA
>
> Acount name : IFEANYI CHARLES
> Account number : 0842120164442
> Branch Name : ENUGU MAIN.
> Country : NIGERIA
>
> For now this is all i have to say incase you need
> more information is a pleasure to hear from you.
>
> Thanks inaticipation,
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.
>
>

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your note.

Please address me as Lady Agatha.

This is most interesting, and whilst I am sure that
the financial aspects of these modalities are being
handled very well by Her Royal Highness and her staff,
security doubts remain over this transaction.

Have you signed any official paperwork in this matter?
I apologize if this causes delay but I am certain that
a man in your position would appreciate that security
and confidentiality are our utmost concern.

And what is this I hear about a song?

Yours ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

YOUR ROYAL HIGHNESS AND JOE

I AM SORRY IF I AM BEING TROUBLESOME BUT I AM DUTY
BOUND TO SUGGEST A SMALL DELAY IN HANDING THESE DORKS
OVER TO PRINCE CHARLES_A SMALL MATTER HAS COME UP FROM
DR. CHUNKYE CADBURYS_OUR MAN IN THE COLONIES_HE HAS
REPORTED TO LADY AGATHA OVER AT SPECIAL OPERATIONS
THAT PRINCE CHARLES IS NOT PERHAPS WHO HE SAYS HE
IS_UNFORTUNATELY DUE TO THE JERRY-RIGGED NATURE OF THE
INFRASTRUCTURE OVER THERE THE LINE WENT DEAD AND ALL I
HEARD WAS SOME GIBBERING NATIVE BUT I SUGGEST THAT
FURTHER BACKGROUND CHECKS MUST BE MADE ON PRINCE
CHARLES BEFORE WE FINALLY GIVE HIM WHAT HE DESERVES

- S

Quote:

>From: prince charles <[email protected]>
>To: Marmite Luny-Binns <[email protected]>
>Subject: RE: Please i dont have anything in common asin having affair with Candice
>Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2006 04:22:34 -0700 (PDT)
>Hae,
>
> I dont really know what you want from me i have tell you all i wish to let you know and if you wont mind please stop writing me.
>
>

Quote:

My Dear Sir

You can hardly complain at my natural interest in my niece, heir to some considerable fortune and yet impressionable and trusting. Furthermore as previously intimated, I have had dealings with musicians before and have my doubts about the whole fraternity.

What is this about a song you have promised her? Is it is gift? What are your intentions exactly??

MARMITE

Quote:

>From: prince charles <[email protected]>
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: please kindly consider my wish
>Date: Sat, 30 Sep 2006 03:54:17 -0700 (PDT)
> 30 Sep 2006 10:54:18.0326 (UTC) FILETIME=[C70E6760:01C6E47E]
>
>Dear Princess Margaret,
>
> All i really need from you is to promise to market my album over there as far as my brand of music is far wider and more acceptable market in the western world, this will help me alot please My Princess. Remeber in my charity aplication form givn to me by Mr Tossov their's a place where i was ask, what will i use the money given to me to do i attach to produce my album which is my main givft from God, further my education and secur accommodation and my major target is to work on my ful album as far as i will attach " WE WISH YOU THIS " dedicate to you, this will be point of attraction for the album to sell beyond expectation and if this opportunity is given to me i dont think i will ever, ever no poverty and the proceed therefrom, will be shared to wit : 50/50.
>
> However, am really greatful for the one thousand golden dorks you ask Mr Kucker to pay in to my account may almighty God bless you and your house hood abondantly in jesus name i pray amen. My Princess i really have to travel to village to stay with my grandpa befor i die of hunger i will be right back on that very thousday the money will reflect in my account to enable me pay off my debts, please stick to your word so that i wont look like a lie to people am owing please. I might lot really writ you till that thousday because right now am about to leave to village.
>
> Thanks in anticipating,
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.
>

Quote:

Dear Prince Charlies

I have read your latest messages over with some thought, and let me assure you that wheels are turning on your behalf. Now that We are satisfied that you obviously deserve all that you get, We are keen to help you along.

After some consideration, My niece Candice has recommended a musician friend to Us with connections in the music industry and I understand that he has kindly agreed to get in contact with you shortly. I am assured that Mr Freze Yo has a singular reputation within popular music second to none is sure to prove something of a little treasure in marketing your little record and what not.

Also, I am delighted to say that Mr Tossov has now heard your work and has had made some typically forthright opinions as to its distinctive merits.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 27 Sep 2006 Posts: 7

this is amazing....

Posted: Fri Oct 06, 2006 7:12 pm

The story continues - so where are Charles' Dorks?

Quote:

From : prince charles <[email protected]>
Sent : Thursday, October 5, 2006 12:00 PM
To : Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
Subject : i found nothing in my account,, why my princess

My Princess,

How are you ? hope everything is well with you, if so glory be to almighty God. I just came back from the village and rushed to the bank to confirm if the money has reflect but to my immediate surprise i found nothing in my account. What do i tell people that i have alread promise to pay to day that am owing. My Princess you said no music no dorks and now that u have recieved the music what is the problem again, how i wish i know i would have remain in the village where at least i will be eating my daily bread.

However, am really greatful for all the connections you have made concerning my album am so much greatful for granting me my heart desire. I pray God to reward you abondantly in jesus name i pray amen.

Remain bless.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Joe Kucker,

With due respect to your organisation, i writ to inform you that their was no cash in my account, are people trying to pull my legs or what.

Prince Charles

>Dear Prince Charles,

>I am pleased to inform you that Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret >has received your song and has authorised me to send you one >thousand golden dorks.

>These will be issued and transferred to your bank account next >Wednesday October 4th. If this cash has not reached your account by >12 noon on Thursday October 5th, please contact me.

>Yours sincerely,

>Joseph Kucker

Quote:

JOE

HOW MUCH DID YOU TRANSFER???_I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT
PRINCE CHARLES' ACCOUNT *WAS* CREDITED WITH 500 GOLDEN
DORKS_IN TERMS OF PULLING LEGS I THINK WE ARE THE ONES
WHO SHOULD BE ASKING QUESTIONS I CAN ASSURE YOU OF
THAT

- S

Quote:

Dear Mikhail,

Prince Charles' account was credited this afternoon not with five hundred but one thousand gold dorks. His bank will receive the transfer later this evening or tomorrow morning.

Prince Charles should complain to his own bank if his account has not been credited by noon tomorrow.

Yours truly,

Joe

Joseph Kucker
Chief Cashier
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
69 Blunkett Avenue
St Dunstans
London FU1 7TT

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON MAN_MR KUCKER HAS
TRANSFERRED 1,000 GOLDEN DORKS TO YOUR ACCOUNT AND YOU
HAVE THE TEMERITY TO TELL US IT NEVER ARRIVED_ARE YOU
SOME SORT OF SHOULDER PAD-WEARING SHYSTER ON THE
TAKE???_IF YOU ARE TRYING TO PULL A FAST ONE OVER HER
HIGHNESS IT WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU EVER DO_NOW GET
BACK TO US IMMEDIATELY AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF!!!

-S

Quote:

From : prince charles <[email protected]>
Sent : Friday, October 6, 2006 1:04 PM
To : Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
Subject : i found no money in my account

Your Highness,

With due respect to your organisation. I wish to inform you that am just coming back from the bank and to my immediate surprise i found no money in my account.

However, i was ask to come back on monday next week to check again that if at all you people paid in money into my account that it will deffenectly reflect on monday. All i have to do is to hold on till monday.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

Are you sure? I have seen the paperwork pass my desk a day or so back and it all seemed tickety boo. What sort of bank account exactly are we sending it to? Does it have PIN numbers, proper tellers and what nots? Please check in case you have been the victim of some underhand dealings at your end. After all, the amount of dorks we are talking about here cannot just be written off like some third world development project. I have heard stories of the many criminous fellows who make up your countrymen and shudder to think if all our charitable efforts should end up in some con mans pocket.

On a happier note, have you heard from Mr Freze-Yo yet? I have briefed him as to your musical accomplishment and taken the liberty of having a copy of your little ditty chaffeured over to his studio. I am sure that he will want to take matters further.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

Dear Princess Margaret,

I got your mail and its contents where well understood am 100 % sure of what am telling you, though one of the banker ask me to come on monday that if is true that money was depositd in my account that it will deffenectly reflect in my account on monday i think everything now lies on monday. The account am operating with is United Bank for Africa is savings account and their customer care phone number is +2348035606000 incase you want to verify.

However, Mr Freze Yo have not written me yet. Please my Princess incase of another time i prefer you to send me money through DHL postage, Western Union Money Transfer or through Money Gram is more faster and more reliable all i need is to present my secret pin number and the money will be given to me. My Princess i dont really know your plans concernning me working on my ful album i must be plain to you if i happen to recieve the money on monday and pay off my debts the remaining money will only enable me rent a house and buy properties and pack in and the truth is my album will fetch money that will change my life i dont really no if am to run away from the people am owing and use the money to work on my audio ful album, honestly am so confuse i dont really know what to do is why i have to discuss it with you. Please i need your suggestion i dont really want to miss use this opportunity.

Thanks and remain bless,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

From : agatha bristol <[email protected]>
Sent : Sunday, October 8, 2006 10:28 AM
To : [email protected], [email protected] ....
Subject : Urgent Memorandum re: Prince Charles From The Special Operations Department

Your Royal Highness Princess Margaret,

I trust you are well and enjoyed the hamster racing in
Wankershire this weekend.

Urgent Intel reports that 1,000 Golden Dorks were
indeed paid into Prince Charles' bank account
recently.

However, our Finance Monitoring Department report that
there is nothing in his account. On this, then Prince
Charles is correct. This I found to be suspicious as
Messrs Kucker and Farnes-Barnes are beyond repute and
are two of the most superbly efficient financial
professionals we deal with.

Further investigation reveals that the money has been
stolen by two people well-known to this Office;
Jonathan Mokoena and Barrister Victor Coulibaly [two other previous victims of ours] -
forced to take jobs at the Festac Town branch of the
Union Bank of Nigeria (account number 0842120164442)
because there was no more work for them transvestite
prostitutes.

Apparantely the locals prefer goats, but that is their
affair.

This would lead us to the conclusion that Prince
Charles is indeed the injured party; however, Prince
Charles, Barrister Coulibaly and Jonathan Mokoena have
been under scrutiny from Agent Miracsky recently, and
he has Intel that the three of them were seen planning
this whole episode in a gay nightclub in Lagos; that
the 1,000 Golden Dorks would be taken by Mokoena for
safekeeping, and that Prince Charles would try to
persuade Us to part with another 1,000 Golden Dorks.
Coulibaly would work on an escape plan for the three
of them whilst hiding the original 1,000 Golden Dorks.

The irony is that Mokoena and Coulibaly (who are
lovers) have since absconded and their whereabouts are
unknown at this time.

I hope that this is useful. Feel free to contact me to
discuss this disturbing development.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

--- prince charles <[email protected]>
wrote:

>
>
> Dear Mikhail Stroganov,
>
> With due respect to your organisation, why is that
> you just hate me for nothing sake honestly speaking
> i dont like the way you do address me i must be pain
> to you, do you think i will recieve the money and
> said i have not recieve it common is not fair and i
> cant do it ok.
>
> However, am just coming from the bank they said if
> at all you people paid in money into my account that
> it will deffenectly reflect on monday, so i was ask
> to come back on monday.
>
> Hope you cool.
>
>
> PRINCE CHARLES

Quote:

PRINCE CHARLES

THE MONEY HAS BEEN DEBITED FROM HRH'S CUSTARD
ACCOUNT_I WOULD IMAGINE THAT THE CROOKED CLOTH-HEADED
CRETINS WHO HANDLE ALL THE TAWDRY TRANSACTIONS THAT
OCCUR ON A DAILY BASIS OVER THERE WOULD BE THE KEY TO
THIS_IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

- S

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I have been greatly alarmed by developments of late. As you will have seen, a detailed report to Me by Lady Agatha Bristol has revealed some doubtful aspects to this affair, added to the fact that a substantial amount of dorks appears to have gone missing. I would appreciate some feedback on this distressing turn of events, and also be interested to hear of your views as to the intelligence I have received from Lady Agatha. I must say that I have scarce heard such allegations made since the Bowden Affair of a few years back, when custard was on everybody's lips, and that whole sorry escapade.

I will write to Mr Freze Yo again as we must get things moving on the album, I am sure that we will want and try and get something in the shops for Christmas, the new year and whatnot.

Regards

MARGARET

Quote:

YOUR HIGHNESS PRINCESS MARGARET

MA'AM_I MUST INSIST THAT 1,000 GOLDEN DORKS WERE PAID
INTO PRINCE CHARLES' ACCOUNT BY JOE KUCKER HIMSELF
LAST WEEK_IN FACT WHILST HAVING LUNCH WITH CHARLES
FARNES-BARNES (PRESIDENT OF SMEGAROON ISLAND AND OWNER
OF THE CHAVSTER BANK) AT BOWDEN'S ON SMEGAROON ISLAND
THIS WEEKEND HE TOLD ME THAT HE CHECKED PERSONALLY
THAT THE 1,000 GOLDEN DORKS HAD GONE THROUGH_I HAVE
PATIENTLY AND PAINSTAKINGLY EXPLAINED TO CHARLES THAT
THE THIRD WORLD BANKING SYSTEM IS RIFE WITH CROOKED
CORRUPTION AND SHONKY SHENANIGANS AND HE NEED LOOK NO
FURTHER THAN HIS LOCAL BANK TELLER FOR HIS
MONEY_HOWEVER HE IS ADAMANT THAT HE HAS RECEIVED
NOTHING_MA'AM I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT THIS IS HIGHLY
SUSPICIOUS AND THAT WE SHOULD NOT PAY ANOTHER PENNY
UNTIL THIS IS RESOLVED

- MIKHAIL STROGANOV

Quote:

Yo,

HRH Margaret has asked me to check out your track, which I done, and sure its all cool. So yeah, bro, I'd like to be your main man in this business, know what I mean?. Its no sweat, as looks like we both dig the same scene in music.

You got yourself any other tracks I can get down and close with right off now man, as I'd sure like a listen, you cool with that and dig what I'm saying?

Anyways, you be sure and send on what you have, Mr C, and I will get matters in order this end.

Looking forward to some pure hip hop pleasure from your end bro

DADDY FREZE

Freze Yo
Creative President
Ladz Records
419 Smegaroon Boulevard
Wankershire
England
1TI TUR

Quote:

Your Highness,

I thak God how everything works out for good, i serve a God that will never lead me into temptation. In that case you can see that am saying the truth.

My Princess, i want to ask you for a favour please if really you want to help me kindly send me some money through DHL postage or Western Money Union Transfer to enable me pay off my debts please. I was arrested this morning because of the people am owing who thought i have recieve money and i dont want to pay them untill i have to take them to my bank and they findout that their was no deposit in my account, please i really need your help because in the police station befor i was allowed on bell i promise to pay them befor friday please if not they will arrest me again.

Thanks,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

From : prince charles <[email protected]>
Sent : Monday, October 9, 2006 7:13 PM
To : [email protected], [email protected]
Subject : are you people trying to frustrate me or what

lady agatha bristol,

With due respect to your organisation, i wish to let you know that right from my childhood i have not travel to lagos befor. I was born and grown in Enugu. For your information i dont use to go to night club and i dont know or hear anything about gay nightclub in lagos and beside i dont know who is Barrister Coulibaly and Jonathan Mokoena neither to plan anything with them i guess you security or whosoever is rong and is very bad to blackmail child of God.

To God be the glory If is the way you people wants to pay me back after all i have gone through to make sure i put the music inorder and send it to HRH as my final condition which i expect to recieve my charity right. But to my immediate surprise the story has change am not really surprise is well, i thank God am a musician i think i have story to tell the world. This morning i was arrested because of the people i borrowed money from to work on the song i dedicated to HRH which was as a result of my final condition and what was my reward to fram a story against me, God in heaven knows the truth.

Prince Charles

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your note.

In terms of your rather whining e-mail, I'm terribly
sorry, old boy, but it looks like you and your two
co-conspirators have been caught red-handed.

But let me tell you that HRH is a forgiving soul and
if you apologise sincerely enough she might - might -
consider continuing these modalities.

You must remember that we are now 1,000 Golden Dorks
out of pocket. It's not as if you find a dork every
minute, you know, though recently I must say we have
been rather lucky in that department, what with all
these lottery wins, alluvial gold dust sales and
whatnot.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

I was most upset to learn from Lady Agatha Bristol that the one thousand golden dorks sent to you last week have not reached you.

You have my personal assurance that the dorks were transferred to the account you nominated and I am so concerned that this considerable amount of cash has mysteriously disappeared that I contacted Mr Joseph Kucker who is at present at a bankers' conference in Smegaroon.

He has instructed me to activate our own security and anti-theft programmes and hopefully we will soon find out just who has stolen your dorks.

Please be advised that we should have the answer by the end of the week.

Yours truly,

Hettie O'Lenner
Personal Assistant to Mr Joseph Kucker
Chavstee, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank
London, England

Joseph Kucker
Chief Cashier
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
69 Blunkett Avenue
St Dunstans
London FU1 7TT

Quote:

HETTIE

THE MONEY WAS STOLEN BY JONATHAN MOKOENA AND BARRISTER
VICTOR COULIBALY WORKING IN TANDEM WITH PRINCE CHARLES
TO WEASEL ANOTHER 1,000 GOLDEN DORKS FROM
US_IRONICALLY COULIBALY AND MOKOENA HAVE SCARPERED
WITH THE ORIGINAL DORKS LEAVING CHARLES HOLDING LITTLE
BUT WHATEVER DIGNITY HE HAS LEFT

- - - S

Quote:

Dear Ms. O'Lenner,

Agent Stroganov is correct.

In fact, as you know, he is my most experienced
Special Operatons Department Agent; he was only
working at the Chavster Bank temporarily as a cover so
he could follow up Miracsky's work on the ground; that
the 1,000 Golden Dorks were stolen by Prince Charles
and his co-conspirators.

Please do pop over for a sherry if you'd like to
discuss this matter in more detail.

As ever,

A

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles

I really don't know what to make of this whole affair. I was assuming that matters were being concluded in good faith and that you would soon have a dork or two in your hand, and yet now these further doubts, allegations and whatnots have popped up in most alarming fashion and simply refuse to go away. Worrying about whether we have done the right thing as far as your plea for indigency relief quite spoilt the game of whist I was enjoying with the Duchess of Duke Street last night I may add, and I must admit in some hesitation to replying to your many messages while I remain unsure as to how proceed. Bleating on about your incidental privations is hardly the way to address our concerns, of that I can be sure. I think a bit of stiff upper lip, such as practiced by Colonel Brudenell's brave lads during their moment of trial, would be more in order.

What can you say or do to show that my investigative team is not correct in their suppositions about your activities?

Also I believe that Mr Freze Yo has made himself known to you, what progress there? Your first song remains one bright spot in this whole dismal mess and, however grudgingly, We feel We owe it to you and your wives to further your career after the pomises made in the first flush of excitement in helping out a poor colonial cousin.

MARGARET

Quote:

CHARLIE WHAT IS THIS I HEAR NOW ABOUT IRREGULARITIES IN YOUR APPLICATION FOR CHARITABLE RELEASE OF DORKS?_NO SOONER HAS YOUR APPLICATION FORM FINALLY BEEN PUT TO REST THAT I UNDERSTAND THAT IRREGULARITIES EXIST AND ARE BEING INVESTIGATED IN YOUR BACKGROUND AND BEHAVIOUR??_FOR GODS SAKE MAN I ISSUE AND PROCESS DOCUMENTS TO THE LIKES OF YOU IN GOOD FAITH AND NOT TO SEE SOME NATIVE NANCY BOY TRY IT ON WITH DUBIOUS DEADLINGS AND PERNICIOUS PRACTICES OF ALL SORTS AND KINDS_THERE ARE SEVERE PENALITIES FOR MAKING A FALSE APPLICATION SIR AND MORE THAN THAT YOUR NAME WILL BE MUD IN COURT CIRCLES ON THE BACK OF ANY FAILINGS_I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT_NOW WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

T

Lonslo Tossov
Royal Charitable Officer
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
020 7278 6694
07951 593 525

Quote:

Dear Lady Agatha Bristol,

Greetings in the name of our lord jesus christ, i know is very hard to believe me but i pray may almighty God touch you all to understand me, is just like Jesus Christ every body is just busy shouting crusify him, crusify him and know one cares to know why just because of hatred.

However, i writ to let you all know that i Prince Charles did not demand any money from HRH Princess Margaret if only she will testify all i ask her is to help me work on my ful album as far as i will attach the one i dedicate to her in the album titled " WE WISH YOU THIS " that it will sell beyond expectation and the proceed therefrom, will be shared to wit : 50\50 befor God and man.

I hereby attach her mail as an evidence :

Dear Prince Charlies
I have read your latest messages over with some thought, and let me
assure
you that wheels are turning on your behalf. Now that We are satisfied
that
you obviously deserve all that you get, We are keen to help you along.
After some consideration, My niece Candice has recommended a musician
friend
to Us with connections in the music industry and I understand that he
has
kindly agreed to get in contact with you shortly. I am assured that Mr
Freze
Yo has a singular reputation within popular music second to none is
sure to
prove something of a little treasure in marketing your little record
and
what not.
Also, I am delighted to say that Mr Tossov has now heard your work and
has
had made some typically forthright opinions as to its distinctive
merits.

Kind regards

MARGARET.

This is good five months i started this transaction with her HRH Princess Margaret and someone from know where just came out to blackmail me, i want you all to understand the meaning of blackmailing in God sight is like killing a new born baby who dose not know anything and Gods vengeance is always there. I dont really know who blackmail me but God knows the person has already kill me while am still alife, turn my joy to sorrow, my happiness to sad, give me sleepless night for what i did not do. I pray God to disgrace whosoever that is behind this because am not guilty and God Knows.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Posted: Sun Oct 29, 2006 5:54 pm

Quote:

>From: prince charles <[email protected]>
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: THANK YOU FOR FRUSTRATING ME
>Date: Wed, 11 Oct 2006 02:14:50 -0700 (PDT)
]
>
>My Princess,
>
> All this people that work for you i know not, and i cant fight you nither any of them. Keep your dorks, keep the music i have leave everything to God that seeth and knowth everything to reward us according to our work all i want you to do for me is please stop Candice from doing anything with the song i sent to her because is my hit track and is destined for Grammy Award.
>
> The people that work onther you can only delay destiny, but they cant stop it. Even if it will take me to go and steal to pay back the people i borrowed money from to dedicate you song i woundnt mind to take the risk.
>
> Thank you for frustrating me.
>

Quote:

My Princess,

Am really sorry for the way i sounded in my first mail this mornning, am like a frustrated man without hope, i mean a hungry man without hope wondering why all this temptaion is coming my way when i have arrange my tracks planning to enter studio to work on my album as soon as i receieve the money. Infact, am dieing inside since monday all through the nights is sleepless night for me asking God why now. My Princess please believe me am innocent of all this accusation how can i plan such a thing when you have already promise to sponsor my album i cant do anything stupid to ruin this chance.

Please My Princess am really sorry the way i sounded to you this mornning is out of frustration please forgive me, you are my only hope where do i go if you turn away from me please forgive me and have mercy on me am already dieing down deep inside of me, i dont have money to pay off my debts on friday, at the same time am not in good terms with you, i dont still have money to travel to village so that i wont be arrested on friday, to feed is even big problem for me and i really need to go checkup because is like am having heart failure please have mercy on me.

My Princess please i really need some money no matter how small i cant even take care of myself i feel rejected and dejected by my friends they all call me fool if you now turn away from me cant you see that am finished, please have mercy on me.

Please am begging you in the name of our lord jesus christ use this contact to send me some money through Western Union Money Transfer please befor i die of heart attack :

NAME : PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO
BANK NAME : FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA
BRANCH : ENUGU MAIN
ADDRESS : 21 OKPARA AVENUE ENUGU NIGERIA.

My Princess please look up to God and not me and help me am afraid anything can happen to me if you desided to turn away from me, i might even die please.

Forgive me and have mercy on me please.

Quote:

12 October 2006

Dear Prince Charles,

As you are aware, my assistant Hettie O'Lenner called me in Smegaroon where I was speaking at an International Bankers Conference about the work of the Council of Underdeveloped Nations Trusteeship Schools to inform me that your dorks had gone missing. At the same time, Lady Agatha Bristol and Dr Miracsky of our investigations division have confirmed that the dorks reached Nigeria where they were stolen.

Although they believe that you were involved, my dear friend Tushie Meshuganah of The Holy Bagel Community is convinced that you are innocent of any wrong-doing. Ms Meshuganah has no hard evidence to substantiate her claim but as a fellow African she believes in your plaintive e-mails.

I must tell you, Prince Charles, that your fate rests with Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret. It will be her decision and hers alone as to whether I am able to send you a second advance of one thousand golden dorks. I suggest you contact her and persuade her to instruct me to send you this money - this time, I think, Western Union might be the best way to do so.

Yours sincerely,

Joseph

Joseph Kucker
Chief Cashier
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
69 Blunkett Avenue
St Dunstans
London FU1 7TT

Quote:

From : Mikhail Stroganov <[email protected]>
Sent : Thursday, October 12, 2006 8:30 PM
To : [email protected], [email protected], prince charles <[email protected]>
Subject : TO JOE_RE_PRINCE CHARLES 12 10 06
-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit

JOE

WHILST WE APPRECIATE HETTIE'S VIEWS WE DO FEEL THAT
PRINCE CHARLES IS GUILTY UNTIL HE CAN PROVE
OTHERWISE_WE HAVE AGENT MIRACSKY'S REPORTS AND
PHOTOGRAPHS WHICH QUITE FRANKLY EVEN I FOUND
SHOCKING_YOU'D BE AMAZED WHAT GOATS CAN DO THESE
DAYS_I WOULD SUGGEST THAT CHARLES IS THE ONE THAT OWES
US THE DORKS NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND BUT PERHAPS WE
CAN BE PERSUADED TO OVERLOOK WHAT HAS HAPPENED SO
FAR_IT IS AS YOU SAY UP TO PRINCESS MARGARET_KEEP THE
CUSTARD BOILING MAN

- - - S

Quote:

From : agatha bristol <[email protected]>
Sent : Thursday, October 12, 2006 8:39 PM
To : prince charles <[email protected]>, [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
Subject : To Prince Charles 12 10 06

My dear Charles (if I may),

I think the time has come for you to be honest with us
- I feel this may be difficult for you, but please do
your best.

Our Intelligence does not lie, Charles. We have
detailed reports on your activities over the past five
months and it does not make pleasant reading.

Princess Margaret is far more forgiving than ourselves
over at the Specal Operations Department. She may
forgive your transgressions and decide to keep
modalities moving.

We'll be watching you, however.

As ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

Your Highness,

I can see you still dont believe me, is all cool by me, is not the end of the road for me. Well, i writ to let you know that i dont really know how my grandpa get to know that i was arrested this mornning by the police he have to come down all the way from village to bail me because of the money i borrowed to dedicate you song, but to my greatest surprise you dont cares to understand. Well to my immediate surprise my grandpa has pay off all my debts at least am a free man for now.

Your Highness, the last thing i will do is to accept what i did not do. I only pray God to make you understand that am innocent of the accusation and i dont need Jesus Christ to come down from heaven to tell me that is not Mr Strongnov that is behind all this blackmail, just take time and go althrough the mails he do sent me.

However, am really sorry for the way i sounded to you all this while, is just because of the debts but i thank God that grandpa has set me free so kindly send me the 1000 golden dorks it will enable me work on my ful album and please i beg you in the name of God ask Mr Joe to send the money through Western Union Money Transfer to avoid stories please, to enable me start my work in the studio i have not real writ Mr Freze but i will do that on monday.

Thanks and remain bless,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

>
>
> Dear Lady Agatha Bristol,
>
> Over my dead body will i agree on what i did not
> do. I strongly believe that we all are christians
> and the bible says as you do unto men so shall men
> do onto you. Is a promise whosoever, that is behind
> this blackmail soonest will see God vengeance in his
> life and all his generation because i have crriend
> unto God for vengeance with broken heart.
>

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your e-mail.

Frankly, old thing, this voodoo nonsense helps nobody.

If you at least admit to your part in this conspiracy
- you can speak freely to me - I am sure that Princess
Margaret, being a good-natured and generous member of
the Royal Household, will authorise another payment.

As ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

> prince charles <[email protected]> wrote:
>
>
> Dear Joe Kucker,
>
> I really miss you Mr Joe, you see i dont really
> know you too well but my spirit really work with
> yours than Mr Stronganov who just hate me for
> nothing. I thank God for your understanding you need
> to see me am already dead because of the accusation
> of what i dont even know.
>
> You have really console me, i pray God to bless
> you abundantly and your househood in Jesus name i
> pray Amen.
>
> Thanks and remain bless,
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.

Quote:

> 14 October 2006
>
> Dear Prince Charles,
>
> I am deeply moved my your e-mail. I give you my
> solemn word of honour that I will contact Her Royal
> Highness Princess Margaret immediately and beg her
> to give you everything that you so richly deserve.
>
> Yours sincerely,
>
>
> Joseph Kucker
>

Quote:

FOR GODS SAKE JOE_PRINCE CHARLES' PATHETIC WHINING AND
TRYING TO PLAY ONE OF US OFF AGAINST THE OTHER IS
GETTING EXTREMELY ANNOYING_HE IS A SUBVERSIVE ELEMENT
AND IN OUR OPINION A RISK TO THE SECURITY OF THE
REALM_WE WILL OF COURSE WORK WITH WHATEVER HER
HIGHNESS DECIDES BUT IF IT WAS UP TO ME I'D GIVE HIM
20 YEARS IN A SIBERIAN CUSTARD MINE_SEE YOU AT
VLADIMIR'S

- AGENT MIKHAILS STROGANOV

Quote:

My Princess,

With due respect to your organisation. I want to ask you for a favour, please kindly listen to my song once again and tell me where i have rong you to deserve all this pains, shame, blackmail and sleepless night. Please in anyway i have rong you knowing or unknowingly, concious or unconciously have mercy and forgive me you're like mother sister i mean everything to me. All i expect from you is to instruct me because your wish is my command and not ignoring me do you want me to die befor my time last week i was told in the hospital that my blood preasure is high just because of this blackmail.

However, if the problem is the missing dork i have accept to pay as soon as my album is on sell or collect it from Mr Freze Yo from the song i dedicate to you titled " WE WISH YOU THIS " which you have already ask him to market it. Please i really want my album to be on sell over there at least by first week of November.

My album will bring you honour worldwide and i will be blessed through you, how i wish you could see to believe.

Please i really need to hear from you.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear freze,

Am really sorry that all this while i was unable to get back to you sooner is because of some circumstance which is beyond my control but i have really leave everything to God. Meanwhile, the person i thought that would help me financially to work on my ful album has turn away from me just because of blackmail. Therefore, I have no choice than to sell some of my unusual lyrics of song that are destined for Grammy award to see if i can make money to work on my ful album and send it to you to market over there and the proceed therefrom will be shared to wit : 60|40 i think is a deal what do you think.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

Am really sorry to do this is never my wish but i have to, because i dont no my crime for dedicating you song, since you deside to ignor someone that honour you then i have no choice than to take unexpected steeps

My Lawyer will contact you soonest after some investigation. I have given him my passworld for him to go through all my inbox and all my sent messages. Please stop Mr Freze Yo from marketing the single sound track for now untill we reach agreement because right now am only intrested in selling my song or you peacefully withdraw from any transaction so far made. No more begging My Princess right now my eyes are open i was working with you blindly that is the reason while you and your organisation wants to use me like football. My lawyer will soon contact London Embassy here in Nigeria to know if you are the real Princess Margaret because he doubt the whole thing, i have given him your picture i mean everything about you.

The game is over My Princess and i have desided to sell my song to you or rededicate my song to someone else.

Quote:

>From: prince charles <[email protected]>
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: try to understand
>Date: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 11:52:39 -0700 (PDT)
]
>
>Honestly, i didt ment to hurt you because naturally i just love you.
>

Quote:

Dear Lady agath Bristol,

Honestly speaking, you dont have concence my grandpa died because of my transaction with this organisation instead of you to be sorry of what happened and console me, you still have the God's to accuse me of what i did not know neither do. Why i said how i wish i get the money on friday grandpa woundn't have die is because he wouldnt have come to Enugu for christ sake, if you dont know what to say at this my bad mood please keep your word.

However, is now i need this organisation help not accusation i will be leaving to the village tommorrow to confirm what i heared. I would have leave today but the money am expecting for my transportation is not yet at hand.

Quote:

> Dear Lady Agatha Bristol,
>
> With due respect to this organisation. I wish to
> writ you all to ask what have i done to deserve all
> this punishement what was my crime for dedicating
> your Princess a song without reward at the same time
> loos my grandpa who is my only hope because of this
> same song. My grandpa came to Enugu on friday last
> week when he heared that i was detain in police
> station because of the people i borrowed money from
> to dedicate this same song that has finished me to
> your Princess Margaret, he bailed me and even to my
> gretest surprise he pay off my debts befor he leave
> based on the story on his way back to the village he
> has an accident and instruct people around him not
> to let me know. Knowing not he has internal bleeding
> he give up today.
>
> What have i really done to myself, is this world
> cell or hell, someone's good work has turn against
> him could you all tell me where i have gone rong.
> How i wish i recieve this money that very friday my
> grandpa wouldn't have die now.
>
> Princess Margaret i regret knowing you and your
> organisation, you have ruin me, kill my only hope at
> the same time you accuse an ophan who honoured you
> just to do away with his song. Known of you shall go
> free unless there's no God in heaven oh my God
> grandpa please forgive me.
>

Quote:

My dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your e-mail.

Our Intelligence does not lie, old boy. I am sorry
that you feel guilty about your actions but to use the
vernacular, if you can't do the time, one mustn't do
the crime.

All is not lost, however.

We've had a bit of a think about things and I am
prepared to put your actions down to colonial naivety
and being led astray by two ruffians.

You will be pleased to hear that I am recommending to
Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret that we should
continue modalities. The rest is up to her.

So chin up, bowl down, and let us get things moving,
sir.

As ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

> Dear Lady agath Bristol,
>
> Honestly speaking, you dont have concence my
> grandpa died because of my transaction with this
> organisation instead of you to be sorry of what
> happened and console me, you still have the God's to
> accuse me of what i did not know neither do. Why i
> said how i wish i get the money on friday grandpa
> woundn't have die is because he wouldnt have come to
> Enugu for christ sake, if you dont know what to say
> at this my bad mood please keep your word.
>
> However, is now i need this organisation help not
> accusation i will be leaving to the village
> tommorrow to confirm what i heared. I would have
> leave today but the money am expecting for my
> transportation is not yet at hand.
>

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your note.

I'm afraid international modalities must be conducted
without any sentiment. We simply do not have time.

You should be feeling rather fortunate, to say the
least, if I may say. I understand Colonel Wharton has
been in touch.

Remember, however, we have our eye on you.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

Dear Lady Agatha Bristol,

Kindly go through this mail is what lead to grandpa's death and what you sit down there to tell me is international modalities must be conducted without sentiment. Good, now could you please tell me what you and your so called organisation can pay me that will bring grandpa back to life. At same time you still have the God's to tell me that you and Colonel Wharton have eye on me after using trick to collect my song, what kind of eye do you have on me, i hate you and please never you writ me:

Dear Charles

I must apologise for the delay in response, but I have been away from
the
office for a day, attending to the jumble sale at Balmoral. There were
quite
a few items come in from the Archbishop of Canterbury and the other
Lordships at the very last minute, and you can imagine what a sorting
out
all the emine and brocade required. I was up until quite late last
night
with a good deal of pricing and folding. However it is all sorted now.

I must admit that reading and re reading your last few messages has
quite
brought a tear to my eye, such is the effect that you have upon Us....

(An HRH reply from a week a so back)

Quote:

Prince Charles,

What is this nonsense, young man?

People do not come back after they die. I'm terribly
sorry, but there it is. You probably believe in Father
Christmas as well.

You either want the Golden Dorks or you don't. To
quote Agent Stroganov, either shape up or ship out.

Yours ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

Dear Lady Agatha Bristol ,

I got your mail and am really sorry for not getting back to you sooner. I made a trip to the village and am back home and wanted to take time to let you know that money is not everything, we really need to learn how to care for one another expercially in time of sorrow, pains, grif and weary.

However, is all over am really sorry for the way i sounded to you grandpa is dead and i have to move on. You can now carry on with your international modalities.

Thanks and remain bless.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Meanwhile Charles is clearly uncomfortable at the chill wind of indifference from HRH:
APOLOGY LETTER

My Princess with due respect to your organisation. I hereby apologised to you to please kindly forgive me in anyway i have disrespect you and your organisation knowing or unknowingly, concious or unconciously am really sorry grandpa is dead i have to carry on with my own life. Please see the need to forgive and forget the past please.

Remain bless.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

From: prince charles <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Good mornning Sir Charles.
Date: Fri, 20 Oct 2006 00:58:51 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Sir Charles,

With due respect to your organisation. Regarding to
the above message concernning the one hundred golden
dorks that will be sent to me through you. I wish to
give you the neccessary details you might need for the
transfer through Western Union Money Transfer befor i
travel because my coming back will be on 24th october
being next week.

I hereby attach the neccessary information for the
transfer through Western Union Money Transfer :

NAME : PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO
BANK NAME : FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA
BRANCH : ENUGU MAIN
ADDRESS : 21 OKPARA AVENUE ENUGU NIGERIA.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

From: "Charles Farnes-Barnes"
<[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]
Subject: RE: Good mornning Sir Charles
Date: Mon, 23 Oct 2006 13:00:46 +0000

23 October 2006

Dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your e-mail the contents of which are
well noted and understood.

I regret to inform you that we have had to shut down
our computer operations that deal with Overseas
Transactions. This has been made necessary because
criminal hackers have been attempting to break down
our security system. As substantial amounts of money
are held in our vaults it is imperative that all
measures are taken to protect our clients's cash.

Nevertheless our security director Mr Sam Spade
assures me that we will be able to re-open our
overseas operation by midweek and that your dorks will
be with you by noon on Friday October 27th.

Yours truly,

Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes VC

Kreplach Brothers Merchant Bank International PLC

Quote:

TUSHIE AND JOE

THIS IS ALL VERY WELL BUT WE NEED TO WAIT FOR HRH'S
FINAL SAY-SO BEFORE WE PART WITH ANOTHER CENT TO
PRINCE CHARLES ASSUMING YOU HAVE READ LADY AGATHA'S
INTELLIGENCE REPORT_ENJOY SMEGAROON_PLEASE DO SEND MY
BEST TO OLGA AND IRINA AT VLADIMIR'S_REMEMBER TO ASK
FOR ONE OF BARRISTER COULIBALY'S DEAD BANK CUSTOMERS
AT THE BAR_KEEP THE CUSTARD BOILING

- S

Quote:

> Dear Lady Agatha Bristol ,
>
> I got your mail and am really sorry for not
> getting back to you sooner. I made a trip to the
> village and am back home and wanted to take time to
> let you know that money is not everything, we really
> need to learn how to care for one another
> expercially in time of sorrow, pains, grif and
> weary.
>
> However, is all over am really sorry for the way i
> sounded to you grandpa is dead and i have to move
> on. You can now carry on with your international
> modalities.
>
> Thanks and remain bless.
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.

Quote:

My dear Charles (if I may)

Thank you for your e-mail.

This is the type of attitude we wish to see. Well
done, young man.

I am certain now that we should soon be able to give
you exactly what you fully deserve.

With all good wishes.

Yours ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

Your Highness,

I know how you feel, but at least i have apologised, please kindly accept my apology. I really want to air my album this year so that " MY MISSING RIB " will fetch me Grammy Award by febuary next year is quit unusal in the music fuild and is why is destined for Grammy Award.

However, grandpa is dead i have to go on to design my own way. Your wish is my command if you want me to come over there to work on my ful album with all pleasure or you want me to work my album over here befor coming is also a pleasure. But i would have love to use my backups here to work on my ful album befor coming over, but if you insist for me to come over to work on my album over there, i really have to come with someone whose name is IKECHUKWU CHIKWENDU he is the best i have in my music group and i really need him to give me what i want.

Your Highness, my brand of music will make you popular the more and it will draw buys attention you need to see to believe. Instead take 60 % of the profit and give me 40 % is cool by me all i need is worldwide to know that their are hiden stars. If not for you i would have been unknown and if not your love for the needy no one could hear my voice, My Princess i have reason for dedicating you song.

Grandpa will be burried next week friday after that if you want me to come over is a great pleasure.

Once again your wish is my command.

Remain bless My Princess.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

Please am really sorry for offending you and i think is time for you to forgive and forget the past My honourable Princess am happy for knowing you so tell me why you wont be happy for at least for honouring you.

Am really sorry My honourable Princess for obseting you and i promise not to do it again believe me. I wont let you goooooooo untill you bless meooooooooo, i really look up to come over to see you life and do my vidio clip with you for the song i dedicate to you titled " WE WISH YOU THIS ", My Princess that song is also destined for Grammy Award because it might be the best dedicating song of the year believe me.

Well, am just coming back from the village for the burrial arrangement of grandpa which will take place on friday next week. My Princess i know is because you are not happy with me is why you didt even console me or say at least sorry for the death of my grandpa is not fair.

My Princess, i want to ask you for a favour i really come back to writ you to please grant me some money for me to at least contribute for the burrial service though Sir Charles promise to send me 100 dorks tommorrow but the truth is the money is to small is why i have to writ you My Princess to please grant me some money.

I promise to be good boy to you My Princess.

Thanks and remain bless.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

> Dear Lady Agatha Bristol,
>
> Thanks for your mail, i really appreciate hearing
> from you. Actually am not in town all this while is
> why you have not hear from me, we are planning how
> to burry grandpa by next week friday. As Mr
> Stronganov use to say keep the custered boiling hope
> the custered is boiling on mybehalf.
>
> So how is life over there, hope is cool ? i really
> wish to join you people.
>
> Have a wonderful week end.
>
> Thanks in anticipating.
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your good wishes.

I am pleased to say that Samuel Spade, deputy Security
Director at the Chavster Bank, will be in touch soon.

As for things being cool, in actual fact it is
unseasonably mild, given that we shall be in November
shortly.

With kind regards.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

[quote]

Quote:

another entrant into the field appears..

Dear Prince Charles,

This e-mail may come as a surprise, but please do not be alarmed. I found your name on the internet.

I am SAM SPADE, and I am DEPUTY DIRECTOR of the CHAVSTER AND NEWMAN BANK. During my routine work, I came across a file named Prince Charles - DORK.

Mr. JOE KUCKER has given me authorisation to pay you 100 Golden Dorks.

Is this correct? Please reply to my email [email protected] ok.

Many thanks.

SAM SPADE

Quote:

Dear Lady Agatha Bristol, HRH Princess Margaret and Mr Joe Kucker.

With due respect to your organisation. I wish to let you know that Mr Sam Spade has contacted me for the 100 golden dorks but he has not send it to me.

However, am really greatful for the money. May almighty God reward this organisation abundantly in Jesus name i pray, Amen.

Thanks and remain bless.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

[quote]

Posted: Sun Oct 29, 2006 6:10 pm

I love it. Nice one.

Posted: Sun Oct 29, 2006 6:48 pm

Quote:

Dear Samuel Spade,

I hereby attach the neccessary information for the transfer through Western Union Money Transfer :

NAME : PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO
BANK NAME : FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA
BRANCH : ENUGU MAIN
ADDRESS : 21 OKPARA AVENUE ENUGU NIGERIA.

As soon as you pay in the money please kindly flash my mobile phone number which is +2348037578607 or just give me a call i have been waiting to hear from you i have to leave but please endeavour to flash me or give a call as soon as you have mail me the password which i will use to collect the money.

Thanks in anticipating,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear,

Thanks for your letter ok. I think it's important that we go through all the necessary checks first. From what I understand there have been a few complications, is this correct?

Additionally I need to get final confirmation from Princess Margaret ok so bear with me.

Remain blessed.

Yours sincerely,

Sam Spade
Security - Chavster Bank

Quote:

Dear .

Thanks for your note, top of the day. I hope you are well.

I see that you want to use Western Union ok. The problem with this is that the security risks are frankly, too high. As I have been trained by the Special Operations Department of the Foreign Office, we must be discreet.

And with respect you *your* organization, I am all too aware of the fast and loose child's play that goes on with other peoples' money in the Third World.

I may have to look to Tushie Mashuganah for guidance, though she is holidaying on Smegaroon Island. And Princess Margaret is busy at the Badger racing in Spunkhampton ok.

So let's see what they say about this. But I would imagine that we'll have to send Agent Mikhail Stroganov to give you what you deserve in person.

Stay patient ok, the Lord is with you.

Remain blessed,

Sam Spade
Security - Chavster Bank

Quote:

> Dear Lady Agatha Bristol,
>
> Thanks for your kind mail, i really appreciate
> hearing good news from you at least i have hope now.
> Please this is between us i really want you to do me
> a favour by apologising on my behalf to HRH Princess
> Margaret all this while i have been apologising to
> her to please forgive me and forget the past but to
> my immediate surprise no responds from her, honestly
> speaking am so worried for not hearing from her, i
> get to know you all through her, why is she not
> writing me. Please apologise on behalf am very
> sorry.
>
> Am so much happy for your mail, i pray God to
> bless you for me.
>
> Thanks in anticipating,
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your e-mail.

Very well, young man. Let us see what can be done.
Certainly, I feel that you have made up for your past
behaviour and deserve everything that's coming.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your note.

We are aware that Mr Spade has contacted you. I feel
that he will give you the seeing-to that you need.
There may be one or two security modalities to attend
to, but I am sure that these will be dealt with easily
enough.

Remain blessed.

Yours ever

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

Dear Lady Agatha Bristol,

I writ to let this organisation know that is now i need their help most. The 100 dorks is not a big money that should go for long process befor sending it for christ sake. I only have from now to wenesday next week to leave the town for the burrial of my grandpa. At least i really need to dedicate him momorial song or contribute for the burrial 4 christ sake he died because of my problem and which this organisation know, why the delay. Honestly you people are not immpressing me at all, what if i now come over.

All am saying is 100 dorks is a small money to this organisation and you people should be plain at least 4 once.

Quote:

Dear Prince Charles,

Thank you for your note. It is a real pleasure to hear
for you.

Your attitude is rather confusing, if I may say. One
moment you seem more than happy with these modalities,
and the next you are throwing some sort of bizarre
tantrum.

Have you been drinking?

The point, young man, is this: Mr Spade has to receive
final approval from Princess Margaret to release the
Golden Dorks. However, given your background checks
and that as a matter of policy we do not use money
transfer services, I think the only real solution to
this issue os a face-to-face meeting to finalise this
transaction - which has taken far too much of my time
already.

We can take tea together, which is a far more
civilized way of doing things.

Yours ever,

Lady Agatha Bristol, CBE
Head of Special Operations, Foreign Office, London

Quote:

Dear Charles

I must admit that I have been reading your various mailings and notes over the last week or so with some mixed feelings. I really feel that my staff and I are doing our level best to ensure that you get what you deserve, despite all the doubts and uncertainties which your behaviour has thrown up. In fact, it seems fair to inform you that Mr Tossov has compared some of the less salubrious elements of your business character very unfavourably to some of those currently on remand in Newgate. It is only the sense of duty that a careful recollection of Our previous ownership of your little land creates within this royal breast that has made Me wish to carry on with this unfortunate business at all. Thinking of this toil and trouble proved quite a distraction when I was chosing My Hallowe'en Ball gown this afternoon at Cack & Chavsters.

Now, I understand that we are very close to providing you with the outstanding dorks, once certain last minute assurance and checks are received. You will oblige Me in sending fewer unbecoming and somewhat wheedling notes of apology and whatnot, rather in making more of an effort - at least as far as your breeding and education will allow - to give Us speedy and helpful replies to all necessary enquiries.

Since Mr Freze Yo has not been impressed with the take up of Our other kind offer so far, I have spoken to him by phone this afternoon and have asked him to contact you again. Let us hope that you prove a little more grateful that hitherto.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
(+44) (0)20 7930 4832

Quote:

Yo, my man

I've been away in the sunshine Stateside for a while my man, and havent had no time to read this mail until now, you dig?

But now, I had a real close look and, hell, whats this 60/40 you laying on me brother? Is this fair? We have to negotiate some, and find a mutually acceptable scene bro, you can see that. I have a studio, a distribution arm, some real hot contacts, all you will ever need my man, so its sweet and cool. My old woman reckons you wont get no better.

Also, once thats done you have a contract to sign, and I can send that sucker over any time you want.

Anyways, you be sure let me know a better offer for the trax you got, and we can sure talk again Mr C.

YO

Freze Yo
Creative President
Ladz Records
419 Smegaroon Boulevard
Wankershire
England
1TI TUR

Quote:

>From: prince charles <[email protected]>
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: Am really greatful for your mail
>Date: Mon, 30 Oct 2006 03:11:44 -0800 (PST)
>
>My Princess,
>
> Why are you sounding this way everything about me is really is just that this organisation misunderstood me what Mr Tossov is saying is not true My Princess. I think the best thing to do or say right now for you to believe me is to let you know that your wish is my command and for you to believe me is for this organisation to send for me and IKECHUKWU CHIKWENDU my backup to come over and work on my full album over there and do the video clip with you My Princess am not playing any games with this organisation and will never do that because i have focus, please believe me for once.
>
> Why i needed some money is for my grandpa's burrial and to dedicate him a memorial song, if not i shouldn't complain which i think this organisation owns me that right, because am one of you is ever my dream.
>
> However, am so sorry for everything i didn't ment to hurt you My Princess just see me as your own son and i take you as a mother all i want is your happiness and mine. Each time remeber your name i remeber my late mum because you people bears the same name Margaret please see the need to forgive me and forget the past. The truth is you wont regret knowing me likewise me am so sorry.
>
> I really have to travel to village on wenesday for grandpa's burrial on friday and the truth is i really need some money for the burrial please and after the burrial am really intrested to come over with my backup anytime you wish My Princess.
>
> Remain bless My Princess.
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear Charles

Given the protracted nature of this whole unsatisfactory business, it may well be better to have the two of you over here so that we can issue the charitable funds personally and with less risk in transfer, one does so distrust Westen Union and the like for modalities. There might even be a little more in it for your trouble and you will get a lovely holiday into the bargain.

I am sure we can find a couple of rooms spare here at Doss House, or even at the Palace, if you make a promise to leave the cutlery alone.

I will consider the implications further as far as staffing requirements are concerned, and if I find it works out, will ask Lord Bovril, our accomodation chappie, to get in touch. He may have some questions about dietary arrangements, hygiene minimums and whatnot as is the case when receiving colonial guests. Are you and Mr Chickwanku able to travel at short notice? It is best to strike whilst the iron is hot, as it were.

Have you heard from Mr Freze-Yo? What is happening there?

MARGARET

Quote:

hey Prince

i jus wanted 2 say that i have ur stuff on my ipod k an its grate!!!!!!!!!!!! my friends like it 2.

but sadly i wuld say not much good for clubbin Sad

C x

Princess Candice Mercedes Windsor
69 Westminster Mansions
Broadmooor Doss Parade
Kensington
London
UR1 TIT

Quote:

My Princess,

Am really greatful for this kind offer, i think the day i have been praying for has come, i and Mr Ikechukwu Chikwendu are 100% available any moment from next week. What a great opportunity, infact too night i wont go to bed all i will do is to praise God till day break infact you dont know how i feel, how i wish you could see the warm smiles on my face as am writing you, i mean all over my body, to day is the sweetest day of my life that i wont forget. My Princess how do i reward you for this offer God will bless you in the mornning, afternoon and night, you shall not die befor your time and whosoever that will raise against you will die instantly in Jesus name i pray, Amen.

My Princess, i really have to start the neccessary arrangement for this trip is just that everything still lie on money. I really need to go for the International Passport of the both of us immediatly so that it will be ready for the trip. Please My Princess am no longer intrested in dedicating any song to grandpa all i need now is to get the International Passport for the both of us kindly send me some money through DHL since Western Union Seems not to work out please.

Please use this address it will get to me:

PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO
NO 5
CHIEFAGBO STREET
ASATA ENUGU
NIGERIA
WEST AFRICA

It will get to me in three days time through DHL please My Princess.

May almighty God self guide you for me in Jesus name i pray amen.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Chas is overjoyed at getting some interest again from HRH, clearly..

My Princess,

Am the most happiest one since yesterday i recieve your mail, i just want to thank you once again for the opportunity to come over and to let you know that Mr Freze Yo has contact me, i made it clear to him that very soon i will come over to work on my ful album as soon as you wish.

My Princess, am so much happy for knowing you. You have change my world am really strong enough in spirit because i have hope.

Thanks and remain bless My honourable Princess.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

I really expect to hear from you by now, at least to know if you send me some money through DHL postage or postal order to enable me contribute for the burrial stuff and to start making arrangement for the International Passport.

Well, i will be on my way to the village tommorrow for the burrial on friday been 3rd of this month. I will be right back to Enugu immediatly after the burrial to face our project.

However, i still look up to hear from you.

Thanks and remain bless My Princess.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

I really expect to hear from you by now, at least to know if you send me some money through DHL postage or postal order to enable me contribute for the burrial stuff and to start making arrangement for the International Passport.

Well, i will be on my way to the village tommorrow for the burrial on friday been 3rd of this month. I will be right back to Enugu immediatly after the burrial to face our project.

However, i still look up to hear from you.

Thanks and remain bless My Princess.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

With due respect i wish to let you know that am back from my grandpa's burrial and wanted to take time to let you know that am ready to come over when ever you wish, can we start all the neccessary arrangement by next week. My Princess i really need to air my album this november please to see if i can win at least one Grammy Award.

Thanks in anticipating and i reallly look forth to hear from you to know my faith.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

My Princess,

With due respect i wish to let you know that am back from my grandpa's burrial and wanted to take time to let you know that am ready to come over when ever you wish, can we start all the neccessary arrangement by next week. My Princess i really need to air my album this november please to see if i can win at least one Grammy Award.

Thanks in anticipating and i reallly look forth to hear from you to know my faith.

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

>From: prince charles
>To: [email protected], [email protected]
>Subject: is anything the matter
>Date: Fri, 27 Oct 2006 07:12:12 -0700 (PDT)
>
>Dear Samuel Spade,
>
> I hereby attach the neccessary information for the transfer through
>Western Union Money Transfer :
>
> NAME : PRINCE CHARLES NWAIMO
>BANK NAME : FIRST BANK OF NIGERIA
>BRANCH : ENUGU MAIN
>ADDRESS : 21 OKPARA AVENUE ENUGU NIGERIA.
>
> As soon as you pay in the money please kindly flash my mobile phone
>number which is +2348037578607 or just give me a call i have been waiting
>to hear from you i have to leave but please endeavour to flash me or give a
>call as soon as you have mail me the password which i will use to collect
>the money.
>
> Thanks in anticipating,
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.
>
>

Quote:

Dear,

How are you doing with your family? I hope fine.

Listen, what the hell is going on ok, we have the dorks ready but there is
no response, why?

This is not child's play mugu we are into serious business yet you don't
want the money, what is going on.

Please get back as soon as possible or the money will be used for other
things ok.

Remain bless,

Sam Spade
Security - Chavster Bank

Quote:

Dear Samuel Spade,

Tell me, why are you sounding this way ? are you not the one who ask me to exercise patience, why calling me mugu is it because am faithful and honest to this organisation. Well, since the dorks is ready why dont you send it.

Thanks and remain bless,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Dear .

Top of the day. Thank you for your note, the contents well noted. How are you and your family? Hope fine.

Listen ok this is serious business ok Her Highness' money is important ok and we have to wait to see what she says. I had not heard anything from you ok and this is why we were concerned ok.

But it is good that you have replied, make sure you do it quicker next time ok. Time is money at this bank. It is not child's play.

My initial report is good and you should have the money soon ok but we might have to fly down to Lagos to do it in person ok. But this is good as you will get more than you bargain for.

Remain Bless.

Samuel Spade
Security - Chavster Bank

Quote:

My Princess,

Why the delay again, please i really want to air my album this year. If you dont want me to come over then i can do my album here and send it acrose to you to negotiate with marketers over there. Honestly, i dont know my faith concernning this project.

However, i still stick on your word, the early the better. Please My Princess let us be fast you will make more money through me, how i wish you can see other part of my songs. I really look forward to hear from you.

Remain bless,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Posted: Mon Nov 06, 2006 9:00 pm

Quote:

Dear Charles

It seems each time I have to travel away on affairs of state I return to discover a multitude of messages from you, all complaing about one thing or another. Naturally We are sorry about the demise of your grandparent. But one imagines that in such a society as yours sometimes such an event might prove almost a blessed relief, as it makes more room for the little ones in the long house, where you all sleep at night as I understand it.

However these matters aside, it does seem as things might be moving along a little more slowly and I will chivvy up my people this end. When exactly did you plan your visit to the UK? These details were absent from your recent messages which is rather disconcerting as I have put some wheels in motion already with a planned redecoration of the Daktari Suite and what not in the east wing.

I will appreciate more details at once, as no doubt will Lord Bovril, who will need to stir himself and take stock of the situation's requirements.

Mr Freze Yo has told me that you seem ungrateful in respect of his professional help. Is this correct? Freze, at least as I am reliably informed has several black artistes under his expert wing as it were, and your own limited talents would be made the very best of, I can assure you of that.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Quote:

P. Charles

I hv grt honr to be Accom. Offcr. to HRH.

She say you have plans to visit? Is all vy up in air.

I need soonst: itinerary, any spec. nds, etc etc

Kindly inform soonest & will action accrdingly.

Rgds

BOVRIL

ROYAL ACCOMODATION OFFICER
The Royal Accomodation Bureau (Including: Transients Homes Department)
Room 419
Royal Accomodation Services Executive
69 Butlin's Court
Merkin Troth,
via Dunwich
Greater London
YU1T WAT

Quote:

>From: prince charles <[email protected]>
>To: Candice Windsor <[email protected]>
>Subject: hi where have you been
>Date: Tue, 31 Oct 2006 00:52:39 -0800 (PST)
>
>Dear Candice,
>
> Where have you been, why do you deside not to writ me ? well by God's grace you will see me over there very soon to work on my album. Actually, the song is not destined for clubbin you know is a dedicated song to someone so special to the world, so you have to sing it cool. Though must of my songs is cool.
>
> Dont worry very soon we will see each other over there.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Yours Truly,
>
> Prince Charles.
>

Quote:

HI Prince

Sos not been wrting bk k but have been v v bizzy at colege Sad

( and that, also clubbin. Smile

When u cumin ova then? Is that 4 real n not a joke then lol??

Hey can u not do a hip hop vers of ur song it wuld be so kool k?

I spk to Mr T who sez u are a big chump but he is alwas rude 2 peple i gess.

anehow let me no wen u cummin ova as i will tel my friends an wll be kool 2 do stuf then.

CANDY xx

Princess Candice Mercedes Windsor
69 Westminster Mansions
Broadmooor Doss Parade
Kensington
London
UR1 TIT

Quote:

Daddy Freze YO,

Thanks alot for your mail for now i dont really know what to say HRH Princess Margaret her wish is my command i want to see if she will help me come over there to work on my full album i think that will be more better.

Thanks and remain bless,

Yours Truly,

Prince Charles.

Quote:

Charles,

HRH she says you have to lay your music scene down with me sometime real soon, as your main man, you dig it? Its a non negotiable thing, we have here.

If you is coming over here soon then we have to lay down some ground laws with all this, brother. I can sure help you out with the music but we need some brotherly cooperation, and so far you are chilling me out of the scene with all these bad vibes.

Now you have any more songs I can hear? If we have an album to get ready I need some more than I have.

YO

Freze Yo
Creative President
Ladz Records
419 Smegaroon Boulevard
Wankershire
England
1TI TUR

Posted: Sat Nov 11, 2006 2:48 pm

What a classic bait. I have been lmao reading this one! It's what - 6 mos or so long now? Way to go, you have this mugu so twisted he doesn't know what to think... Very Happy

Masterful work, this. Smile

Posted: Wed Dec 20, 2006 12:07 am

This saga continues, and is still unfolding:

[url] http://www.scamorama.com/margaret_prince_charles.html [/url]

mainly because I got tired of copy and pasting it all in here..

also see

[url] http://www.freewebs.com/chelsea_matt/ [/url]

for that late getaway

FOR GODS PEOPLE SAKE A HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL_DO I HAVE SPELL IT OUT?_NOW GET ON WITH IT

LT

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