The Mugu Marriage of Prince Awuruh

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Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 9:04 pm

The story so far : Prince Emmanuel Awuruh, head of a "Non-Governmental Organization", approached HRH Princess Margaret (a patient, royal eminence, encounted before in the 'Woodentop Woodrow' exchanges elsewhere on this site) for a grant. As time drags on, the ever optimistc prince hit on Princess Candy, Margaret's niece, and as we join matters now her stern but kindly guardian Sir Marmite Luny-Binns shortly steps in. The game is afoot - although what the Prince hopes to achieve through his lame romancing is hard to imagine, as his original scam slowly fades away and throughout he seems aware of his priceless patter appearing on the net. Is he serious? What follows is the bizarre second half of an extended correspondence which can be seen more or less complete at Scamorama.com, and more lately in the annals of Scambaiters@YahooGroups - but which stands alone as a fun, and I think unique, baiting exchange. Apologies for any slight hiccups in the order but modalities were pressing...

Quote:

Subject: RE: Thinkin of u always

My Dearest Princess,

Thanks 4 ur warm response, i have notified my parent about the irrevocable relationship of ours but the fact remain that they would want us to come down home and perform the traditional marriage ceremony.

I have told them everthing and they want to see u and ur parent .

In the light of this,i want u to start warming up now.

I will contact ur mother and ur uncle as soon as i hear from u also send me ur new pictures .

Yours care

Princess Candice Mercedes Windsor:

Quote:

hey coolll!!!! ))

i am attaching my pic an i hope u not seen it b4 k?

hey can i see anotha of u then cos i thnk u were relly cute k, even if u dont do mch clubbin.

hav u had many gfs then or wat?? cos i am sweet & innoc k!!!! also do u belef in being faithful an all that stuff cos i dont want to be let down k

C xx

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns :

Quote:

Sir - Prince - who ever you are?

I found the message below in my young niece's e-mail and wonder who in god's name you are sir? She is an impressionable young lady, and I will not stand for her affections to be trifled with. I cannot find your name on the Social Register.

I will not have Our good reputation spread about in this way. Explain yourself.

MARMITE

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC
Regis Court Chamberlain
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
0909 674 4848
http://www.freewebs.com/sirmarmite/index.htm

Prince Emmanuel:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

With due respect, I appreciate your efforts and services in the vine yard of God and humanity.

I expected a high standard of knowledge to would 've being applied by you to address this issue as a good Uncle that cares for the future betterment of his niece.

I fully comprehended that she's an impressionable young girl and regardless of the virtue of her possition, I'm a man of myself I reserve the bright right to know the sentiment in her heart.

I have noted that you had have become an opposition between the two parties and the fact remain, will you marry her?, can you offer her the precious love of emotion she deserve?.

NB, Princess Candy is a woman of substance, she belong to somebody else regardless on what she are all what she needs is a man who would love her to whom she are and not what she are with which I have promised to carry out the love project on her behalf.

As regard to your orthodox question in respective of whom I'm, in the light of this, I refer you to the mystery of KING DAVID, who is he? and where do he come from? also further information and clarification can be obtained from my Golden Mother,HM,PRINCESS MARGRET she wholeheartedly laid the foundation of this noble relationship of ours with a hand bill.

In furtherance of this,please don't hurt her in any form if you do,heaven will intervene you are expected to perform your duty in this issue inorder to accomplish this goal.

Faithfully Yours
Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

NB, I KNEW THAT YOU HANGS ALL MY INFORMATION ON THE INTERNET:Thanks

Quote:

Sir,

Many thanks for your explanatory note. You will appreciate that my concern lays entirely in the personal welfare of Princess Candy, of whom I have nothing but the highest regard, as well as strict call to welfare duty. I am sure your attentions are honourable, and I would not want to spoil her happiness. But of course she is on the threshold of full woman hood, a blushing, pure flower of loveliness and she needs guidance and qualification in her romantic adventures. You know of course that she is heir to considerable landed estates in Smegaroon and royal Wankershire, while being 14th in line to the throne? This does indeed offer a real need for caution.

She being my ward, I naturally wish to follow each step of any possible connection between the two of you very closely indeed, to ensure that every element is beyond reproach. You must assure me that you are clean of habit and reputation, untainted by any personal adventure with woman of a loose kind and with unimpeachable vimtos. Perhaps you would do me the favour of sending me an image of yourself so that we can a basic judge or breeding and character? If you have beetle brows or a moose jaw, defiling our line, then that won't do at all, I am afraid.

You mention Princess Margaret. Have you in contact with her? Also I am not sure about the internet. This is supposed to be confidential?

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns

Prince Emmanuel To: Princess Candy:

Quote:

My Darling,

Thanks 4 ur warm mail, as regard to ur question, I wholeheartedly promised to remain faithful to u and standby u in any point also i can never let u down, how about u?

Baby, the picture u send cannot be opened i tried but to no avail therefore i would like u to resend in normal attachment to :[email protected] .

NB, It seems that ur parent is not in line with the level of our understanding and communication?, these bcos I received mail from ur Uncle asking some embarassive questions in the light of this, i want u to open-up to ur parent let them to know about everthing between us I have done thesame to my parent too that i have found a girl i will marry and spend my entire life with--- forever, please advise.

Please tell ur mother i would like to hear from her .

Yours care
Prince

Quote:

hiya Manny

Its k cos my uncle M. sez we can keep chattin at least for a bit ))). I told him that i was keen on u right and said rite back that he wuld hav a think which is kool i gess for him. sos u lost my pic but i hav send it again with this mess k?

do u relly want to speak to my mum then? cos if u do I will ask her write an stuff k but she may not like u k

hey u sure u dont like clubbin?

Quote:

Dear Sir Marmite,

Thanks for your esteem favoured mail, as a matter of facts and substance, my intention is to wear the garment of love to Princess Candy .

I understand that you are in the bright possition to add a great value in this issue than beating around the bush.

You expected to provide an impetus that would arrange the progressivity of this noble relationship of ours.

The foundation of this noble relationshipship has been laid by HM, Princess Margret therefore she is in the full possition to feed you with any relevant information about me you might needed be.

NB, This is a new world that people have the right to follow up their heart desire and not someone else making carnivorious decision for them therefore Princess Candy has the full right to make her choice hereoff and , don't stand on her way.

The best security for a responsible woman is her husband and the fact remain, who is there for her?.

Sir,I suggest you hear from the horses mouth in doing so would help you to know your stand in this issue.

In few time I will pay a handsome visit to your noble office then we can know each other more better and to this end, I wait to see you kick the ball roling

Faithfully Yours
Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle Awankah

I have spoken to Her Majesty Princess Margaret, and she has convinced me at length that are a genuine claimant on Our Princess Candy's affections, and not some grubby little native on the make. Based on her enthusiasm for your representation here at the Palace, we have decided to extend an open invitation for you to pay a visit. Let us know when this can be arranged. Perhaps you might consider sometime in December, when we have a grand ball at the Sir Bernard Manning Rooms to celebrate the inauguration of Norman Wisdom as the next Archbishop of Canterbury? I will be pleased to liaise with your staff or adjutant in regards to details of accomodation.

In the meantime, please supply some documentation to prove your social pedigree also to help yor admission to the country & etc. Perhaps a birth certificate and a recent image? Nothing undraped of course unless you have tribal tattoos that bear investigating. I will, of course give the paperwork the exact same discretion and care that it deserves.

I have also spoken to Candice about your interest and our consent for a meeting subject to a few conditions, and she of course is delighted. I saw her only this morning at Matalan (the Royal Outfitters) choosing a fine new outfit in preparation. I must say her girlish figure looks splendid in pink!

In any case, please let Us know as soon as possible about your intentions.

Kind regards

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Thanks for your warm cooperation in puting in place the relevant infrastructures that would enhance the effectiveness of this issue.

December period will be the right time to visit your end but before that I have to consult my parent for officialization with the council,ie, elders of our palace .

Here attach my picture [of a rather fey guy in a black fez, sat in a plastic picnic chair] for your perusal action however I'm a young man of 20's I'm from traditional royal family in Nigeria-Ebony state -Idembia Local Government but residing in the Gambia, hope you people respect and maintain tradition and culture at your end?

Please take good care of my wife Princess Candy--don't ever hurt her in any form.

Please tell Candy to write me i want to hear from her.

May God Be With YOU

Faithfully Yours
Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

Dear Manny (if I may be so bold)

What a pleasure to behold such a distinguished portrait! Many thanks for sending it. I believe that you already have had the one from Princess Candice, and so the suitability is, one might say, obvious.

Now that we have your full measure, let us proceed to the next stage with diplomatic haste. By all means have a chat with your village elders and what not. Perhaps there are some simple ceremonies, initiation or otherwise that need to be performed on such an occasion? May I ask - have you been circumcised? (This may be a blunt question my dear chap, but We are a firm believer both in personal hygene and tradition) If not of course this little detail can easily be attended to by the royal Doctor, Harold Shipman upon your arrival. He will be able finish you off very easily before the ceremony with a little local anaesthetic. In fact thinking about it, I will advise him of your likely arrival as there may be some health checks to be performed, nothing too arduous I am sure, but probably helpful in the light of your provenance.

Now that I am assured both of your appearance and obvious intelligence, I shall give Candice my permission to write to you again, so that your little romance may blossom further, with my general agreement. Let us see if the enthusiasm generated so far waxes or wanes before next month at least as a trial. However I would be obliged if you keep your chat clean and wholesome, even in the light of eagerly anticipated nuptials, as she remains a member of the royal household and dare say has already communicated her innocence in things worldly to you. You will be pleased to know that I have shown her your most recent letter and she was jumping and squealing with joy this morning on the way down to her aerobics class.

I shall of course put wheels in motion for your likely accomodation. I think a nice den in Windsor Park will suffice, where you surely will feel right at home. Will you intend any family to join you? Your mother perhaps or a head man? Please advise any special dietary requirements & etc

Please advise on any developments at your end as soon as they are known. So many details to sort out, and so little time, but I am sure we will all manage.

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns

Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes {Royal Banker]:

Quote:

Dear Prince,

Sir Marmite has passed me a copy of his e-mail of 14 November to you.

Sir Marmite has instructed me to reimburse you for the cost of your flight to London.You may travel business class by whichever airline you prefer.

On production of an invoice for your ticket I will transfer the sum required into your bank account.

Yours truly,
Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes VC
Chief Executive
Kreplach Brothers Merchant Bank International PLC

Prince Emmanuel To: Sir Marmite:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Thanks I'm very grateful for the step you have took as to water the ground of this noble relationship of ours.

I have written to my parent sequel to the on-going issues athand just to bring to their favourable notice.

I'm still awaiting to hear from them however i would prefer the flight ticket to be sent than cash as your partner had have informed me that you have authorised him to do so and note that the ticket will be attached with an official letter of invitation in which a copy will be forwarded to the british embassy for procession of my visa hereoff.

You ask if i'm circumcised, as you are aware, I'm a Roman Catholic Family brought -up the family maintain the catholic doctrine circumcission is being done at my childish age and upon my arrival to your end feel free to conduct any medical check-up and note, i'm naturally a preserved child.

I have not got the picture of Princess Candy the attachment being sent cannot be opened due to the nature of the programme being used therefore I would like her to resend it in a normal way as I do.

Once again ,thanks for your cooperation and understanding I promised I will make sure everything being done-x-y-z.

Please kindly extend my warm greetings to my Golden Mother,HM,PRINCESS MARGRET.

With Kindest Personal Regards, I Remain.

Faithfully Yours
Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

Dear Manny

A pleasure to hear back from you and it is reassuring that you are replying so promptly and efficiently. We are delighted that, upon investigation, you appear to be someone who is thoroughly deserving of all that is coming to you. As you are by now aware in regards to making arrangements for arrival, wheels are turning and my colleague Sir Charles Farnes will see that you are well and truly sorted. He has mentioned an element of dispersement towards you and I am sure that can be arranged in good time.

I am greatly relieved that you are circumcised as anything else would prove a drawback. As you have kindly made the offer, then we will indeed take the liberty of asking Dr Shipman to give you a quick checkover upon your arrival. You can rest assured that this is just a formality and that he will promptly finish you off given the chance to work quickly.

I have passed on your greetings to Princess Maragret, and she will no doubt be in touch as soon as she has finished her current round of duties as will Lonslo Tossov, the royal tailor whom I have asked to prepare a morning suit, adequate for a presentation to the Queen at a little greetings occasion We have planned in your honour, upon your arrival. Mr Tossov may well write independently, asking for measurements, preferred styles, and what not.

Princess Candy is disappointed that you cannot open her attachment. What then is to be done?

Please give my regards to your tribal elders.
MARMITE

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuel,

Sir Marmite has forwarded a copy of your latest e-mail to me.

I regret that I cannot issue a flight ticket for you. However, as I have already mentioned, upon receipt of a pro-forma invoice from your travel agent, I will send you by Western Union the full cost of your ticket. You may travel business class on any airline and you may also include the cost of a limousine to take you to Lagos Airport.

May I also take this opportunity of reminding you to ensure that your passport is in order.

With kindest regards,
Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes VC
Kreplach Brothers Merchant Bank International PLC

Quote:

I have passed on your greetings to Princess Margaret, and she will no doubt be in touch as soon as she has finished her current round of duties as will Lonslo Tossov, the royal tailor whom I have asked to prepare a morning suit, adequate for a presentation to the Queen at a little greetings occasion We have planned in your honour, upon your arrival. Mr Tossov may well write independently, asking for measurements, preferred styles, and what not.

MARMITE

Lonslo Tossov :

Quote:

PRINCE AWANKRUH

SIR M HAS ADVISED ME THAT YOU MAY BE REQUIRING A PASSABLE BLUE SERGE OUTFIT FOR YOUR IMPENDING VISIT_VERY WELL SIR I WILL MAKE ALL DUE PREPARATIONS_YOU WILL OBLIGE ME BY FORWARDING AT ONCE YOUR MEASUREMENTS SO THAT WE MAY CHALK OUT THE FABRIC AND ORDER IN SAME_SPECIFICALLY I WILL NEED_NECK_UPPER AND LOWER CHEST_WAIST_THIGH_INSIDE LEG_CALVE MEASUREMENTS AS WELL AS PREFERENCE AS PER PANTS VENTING _SHAPE AND SINGLE OR DOUBLE BREASTED JACKET ETC ETC_SOONER WE GET THESE CRITICAL DETAILS THE SOONER WE CAN MAKE EFFORTS ON YOUR BEHALF YOU CAN BE ASSURED OF THAT_BUT FOR GODS SAKE MAN GET THEM RIGHT WE DONT WANT YOU LOOKING LIKE A HALF PULLED CHRISTMAS CRACKER ON THE DAY AS I AM SURE YOU APPRECIATE_I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY ON THIS MATTER

KIND REGARDS

T
Lonslo Tossov
Cack & Chavster Tailors
69 Kustardt Levy
Muggins
Smegaroonshire
UR1 PRAT

Quote:

Dear Lonslo The Prince has provided an image of himself, which may assist in discovering the optimum style and fit for the fellow. I am copying him in so that he may be persuaded to forward it on. To my untrained eye he would I think be best favoured by a Wormwood Scrubs pinstripe, similar to that enjoyed by the Prince of Wales, but or course you will know best. I copy him in so that he may express a view. He may also wish to have some pyjamas made for his stay as I believe out there it is all t shirts or starkers, and we just can't have that in the Palace.

MARMITE

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuel,

I have not received a reply to my e-mail of 17 November. I hope you will take up the offer - upon receipt of a pro-forma invoice from your travel agent - of a business class return from Lagos to London by an airline of your choice. You may also include the cost of a limousine to take you to Lagos Airport.

May I also take this further opportunity to remind you to ensure that your passport is in order.

With kindest regards,
Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes VC
Kreplach Brothers Merchant Bank International PLC

Quote:

Prince Emmanuel To: Sir Marmite
Subject: PLS I'M VERY SORRY

MY DEAREST UNCLE,

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT A DOG DOES NOT EAT A BORNE THAT HANG ON HIS NECK. PLEASE KINDLY ACCEPT MY APOLOGY: PLEASE DON�T BE UPSETED I HAVE SOME PROBLEMS HERE WITH MY BUSINESS ASSOCIATES THE PROBLEM IS LAND DISPUTE AS I DO ACT AS A MIDDLE PERSON BETWEEN A BUYER AND SELLER OF LAND,IE, REAL ESTATE AGENT.

THE REASON I COUNDN�T RESPONSE TO YOUR MAIL EVER SINCE THEN IS THAT WE ARE AT THE NORTHERN PART OF THE GAMBIA IN PROVENCIAL AREA WHERE THERE IS NO ACCESS TO INTERNET OR COMMUNICATION THOUGH THE PROBLEM HAS BEEN SOLVED BY THE GOVERNMENT AUTHORITY BUT THESE REALLY RUINED ME DOWN THAT AFFECTED MY ACCOUNT TO BE INDORMANT BCOS I SPENT A LOT OF CASH AS TO PUT THINGS IN PLACE AND ALL WHAT I SPENT IS EXPECTED TO BE RECOVERED BY APRIL-2006 IN ACCORDANCE WITH OUR AGGREEMENT THERETO.

SIR, PLEASE I WANT YOU TO HELP ADDRESS THIS ISSUE BY EXPLAINING THINGS TO MY WIFE �CANDY THE WAY SHE WILL UNDERSTAND ME BETTER AS WE ARE ONE FAMILY NOW I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE FROM YOU THOUGH SOMETIME THINGS FALL APART BUT AS A MAN U COULD UNDERSTAND ME BETTER PLEASE LET CANDY TO KNOW THAT MY LOVE TO HER IS ENDLESS LOVE I CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO HURT HER AND ; I SINCERELY HOPE YOU WILL HELP ME TO ADDRESS THIS ISSUE WITH DUE RESPECT..

I HAVE RECEIVED POSITIVE RESPONSE FROM MY PARENT ON BEHALF OF THE ELDERS OF THE PALACE THE FACT IS THAT I SUPPOSE TO COME HOME FOR XMAS BUT HENCE YOU HAVE ALREADY PASS ME THE BALL, I HAVE TO COME AND SCORE THE GOAL(MEANT), THE ELDERS SAID THAT I�M A MAN OF MYSELF WHO KNOWS WHAT IS GOOD FOR ME IF I HAVE CHOSEN A WIFE FOR MYSELF AND SHE IS OK FOR ME, THEN I SHOULD GO �AHEAD AND MARRY HER AND BRING HER HOME FOR FURTHER TRADITIONAL CEREMONIAL MARRIAGE IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE TRADITIONAL ORDINANCE AS YOU MAY KNOW, WHEN A MAN GET MARRIED AFTER PERFORMING THE TRADITIONAL WEDDING, AFTER 3-YEARS I AND MY WIFE IS DUE TO TAKE THE THRONE AND OFFICIALLY CROWNED AS THE NEXT (IGWE),IE, THE CHIEF-5-YEARS LATTER-WE THEN CROWN AS THE KING.

SIR, SINCERELY I�M EVER READY NOW TO COME BUT THERE IS SOME IMPEDIMENT AT MY SIDE THE FACT IS THAT I WOULD WANT YOU TO LEND ME SOME FUND TO ENABLE ME FACILITATES SOME THINGS IMMEDIATELY.

I WANT THE SUM OF (2,500.00-POUNDS STERLING) AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DON�T SUPPOSE TO ASK FOR ANY FINANCIAL ASSISTANCE FROM YOU NOW BUT DUE TO THE FACT IS THAT I BELIEVE WE ARE NOW ONE FAMILY THEREFORE RIGHT HAND IS ALWAYS THERE TO ASSIST LEFT HAND IF NEEDED BE.

ALSO THERE IS AN URGENT NEED FOR AN OFFICIAL INVITATION TO BE FORWARDED TO THE BRITISH EMBASSY HERE IN THE GAMBIA AND A COPY TO ME FOR IMMEDIATE PROCESSION OF MY VISA OR DO YOU HAVE OTHER MEANS IN RESPECT OF MY DOCUMENTATION? AND I WILL ALSO BUY MY FLIGHT TICKET AND FLY FROM THE GAMBIA.

I�M VERY HAPPY TO NOTED THAT YOU HAVE PREPARED SPECIAL SUIT FOR ME THOUGH I LIKE ORANGE/BLACK COLOUR BLAZER SUIT WITH GOLDEN BUTTON MY WERST IS 34 SIZE.

THANKS YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR KICKING THE BALL ROLLING WITH WHICH IS NOW MY TURN TO SCORE THE GOAL.

PLEASE EXTEND MY GREETINGS TO MY MOTHER PRINCESS MARGRET.

WITH KINDEST PERSONAL REGARDS, I REMAIN.
HON.PRINCE EMMANUEL AWURUH

Quote:

Dear Prince Awuwank

I am rather relieved to hear that you are alive and well, although it has been a while now since you made contact a situation which, your apologies accepted, has still been rather an annoyance in this business. This is, after all, not child's play. I naturally quite understand how land disputes can be a distraction, by the way; only last year I was heavily involved in some deed work on the new Stonehenge themepark, druids and some ghastly American burger franschises being involved, and found it quite time consuming.

Anyhow, to the matter at hand, and I am sorry to have to tell you that your fiance, poor Candice, has gone quite cold on the matter. To be blunt, sir, the young lady feels that her affections are being played fast and loose with, and her heart is not to be trifled with. An indication of how much she has been upset can be seen in the way she spends her time. Whereas before she was out many nights enjoy the night clubs of Smegaroon, now her attitude towards such activities is, frankly, listless and half hearted. Such distressing changes have not been unnoticed by her mother, her grace Princess Margaret, who at one point has, in my certain hearing, made very unflattering comments on your pedigree and honesty.

In short, before we can discuss the wedding plans further, any attendance at some tribal initiation ceremony, ongoing costs and expenses and what not, you will need to win back Princess Candice's affections with a few loving and sincere messages - assuming that you have not already been gentleman enough to initiate this delicate process. Once she has been won back over, then perhaps, we can negotiate again. I suggest moreover that this process is begun at once as Lord Bovril tells me that Candice has also been receiving attention from Harry Flashman, a member of our court who has both charm of manner and the benefits of reliability in his attentions.

I leave it up to you sir to restablish your fortune in this matter. In the short term at least, I have put thoughts of agreement on matrimony on hold.

Kind regards
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

PS as a gesture of goodwill I have instructed Tossov the royal tailor to prepare a pair of pants waist 34 as described. What are your leg measurements? I know that bandiness is common in the third world.

Quote:

Dear uncle,

Thanks for your couragious word but I still beleived that you can also help to talk to her in blue meaningful way in respective of the virtue of your possition and wide experience in life here is Africa system of things are not thesame like your end and note no man above problems I never expect to have any problem at this time But God is so kind that the problem has been solved.

I will not retail or detail what would happen to any man or any body else who try to crucifix the love between me and Princess Candy I have fully developed an endless love for her only I don't have anybody else i have entrusted myself except her she is THE first and the last.

As you are no doubt aware there is a lot of rich beautiful girls and ladies here in Africa who needs a preserved young man like me but they cannot have me as i wanted a woman that would love me to whom I'm and not to what I'm with which I have taken some time to study Candy and discovered that we can be together forever what matters in every relationship is understanding therefore you should let her to know that I'm not God who above problem I know you people might have double mind just bcos I'm a Nigeria I know that most people talk bad about my country but the fact remain that in any country in the world you can find good and bad people though I'm not a saint but in due time you will know who is who.

I sincerely don't have anything in mind or to hurt her in any form God is my witness or wether she may think I have somebody else.Well I don't know what to say anymore But God knows the truth if it's the will of God that Candy will be my wife, let it be all I can assured her is I always remain faithfully for her.

God Bless You

Quote:

My Dear Prince Awanka

I feel I must reply promptly to your message, and sympathise entirely with your heartfelt plea. I will of course, be happy to mention your name to Princess Candy and see what results. However, as I said in your previous message, your royal name is mud here at the moment, and much of her previous ardour towards yourself has surely evaporated. You can hardly blame her - or us - for the doubts your reputation has incurred given the problems your romantic suit has presented.

Instead of addressing your extended and wheedling correspondence towards myself, I really suggest you offer up humble apologies and romantic solicitations to Candice directly, as it will carry more weight. Perhaps a nice photo, or even a small present in the mail, could be the order of the day. It is really up to you, young man to make more of yourself, rather than the shiftless tosser you have appeared so far. You may also wish to approach Princess Margaret in similar apologetic, conciliatory terms and see what can be done there.

Now what I can do is this. I will tell Candice that I have heard from you and that she is to accept your explanations with an open mind and a trusting heart, then lleave the rest to you. She may be in a better mood tomorrow anyhow, as she is due for a waxing session with Madame Bristol our beauty consultant.

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns

PS Tossov may have some questions about the garments and may contact you directly about these.

Lonslo Tossov:

Quote:

SIR M. HAS INTIMATED THAT YOU REQUIRE A SUIT OF SORTS AND SO MY TEAM AND I REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING MEASUREMENTS_ AND IN SHORT ORDER TOO SIR IN ORDER TO MEET THE CHRISTMAS WORK AND DELIVERY SCHEDULES:

WAIST
INSIDE LEG
THIGH WIDTH
CHEST
SHOULDER
SINGLE OR DOUBLE FLY BUTTON

I WILL NEED TOO AN IDEA OF PREFERRED STYLE VIZ SINGLE OR DOUBLE BREASTING AND IF THE PANTS REQUIRE VENTS_ALSO IF YOUR GIRTH DEMANDS ELASTICATED WAIST BANDING YOU NEED ADVISE TOO_ IN REGARDS TO FABRIC CHOICE I SUGGEST BLUE SERGE OR CAVALRY TWILL AS PER THE PRINCE OF WALES_ BUT YOU MAY HAVE MORE FLAMBOUYANT NATIVE DESIGNS MORE CONGENIAL TO YOUR TASTE AND IF SO ADVISE AND I WILL ORDER IT IN AS CAN BE FOUND IS THAT CLEAR?

T

Lonslo Tossov
Cack & Chavster Tailors
69 Kustardt Levy
Muggins
Smegaroonshire
UR1 PRAT

Quote:

My Dearest Princess,

First, I'm very sorry if you might felt bad, I have some problem in which i hav been trying to resolved and now is over.

I noted that u have began to loose hope by inducing yourself in clubalist life why?, don't you think here is Africa things are not like your end I'm not God that knows what tommorrow could be.

Darling, it's assume u don't even have faith in God u don't even care to know what is going on my side all u do is going from one club to another can't u act or standby me in the time of trouble?.

My dear, i wonder the kind of man u might think i'm i expected to see ur reaction as to know what is my problem or do u think i don't really love u?, or do u think i'm here clubing the way u do? or going after woman to women?.

In respect of your dramatic attitude i do beleive u don't really love me from your heart perhaps u just want to use me?.

As u are no doubt aware there is lot of fishes in the sea all what someone have to do is to throw his net and select one with which i have choosen u to spend my entire life with in my community we see marriage as everlasting institution or do u have anything in mind?.

I noted that u have someone else who scratch ur back in the respect of this, please let me know the truth if i'm going wrong way.

On my own side i have no any other problem than to come over in accordance with the arrangememt of ours with which i would be very much oblige if you can clarify this issue in a meaningful way.

God knows the truth that i really love u with my wholeheart always remain faithful to you and i have nobody else except you.

Yours care
Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

hiya Prince

i am v v upset with u, u no???

This because u dont write or say anythin and all this afta a loads an loads of promises 2. Hey wat gives ane how??? I was all keen to see u and say hello and talk bout stuff k, then u go a mess things up!! I thot that we was in luv then????

My uncle M sez that I shuld listen to wat u say an all, well what then? cos i relly cross with u mister. ((

Candice x

Quote:

My Darling,

Please forgive me in anyway i have offended u i don't meant to hurt u, forget and forgive me in the name of God.

I want u to know that i also have jenior sister whom would be married to somebody else and i cannot stand and see any man mess- up with my sisters therefore i can't mess-up with you my love, whatever man sow,is what he reap:if i disappoint u therefore i have disappointed myself.

The basic fact is that u don't understand me,what matters in any relationship is understanding, i'm facing big problems here in which i expected u to act on my behalf as a good wife does.

Baby, i've promised to standby u either rain or sun, note, you are the first woman i have ever come accross in my life and nobody else.

I came from traditional royal family that have a certain policy which must be maintained.

I want u to know that I always love u Candy and remain faithfull to u which is the obligation which i must fullfiled on your behalf and this is the really reason i took my noble time to study more about u before i made the promised.

I noted to u before that i'm a preserved child(meant), i have never come accross any woman and i can never sex any other woman except a woman who is my wife this is our traditional policy.

I have promised to marry u candy and nothing can ever change my love to u , i know that u love me the way i do but the fact remain at ur side that u don't really understand me u will be the happiest woman on earth if u understand me very well .

Practically, i'm not looking for money or any material things, i love u for whom u are and not what u are,God knows the truth.

U reserved the right to correct my mistake if ,all i can let u know is that u ar only hope i have your pleasure is mine.

All i want u to do now is to contact ur uncle to hasten all the arrangment for me to come down immediately all i need is letter of invitation inorder to process my visa ur Uncle has promised to handle other outstanding expences hereoff.

Baby, I swear with the name of God, I don't have anything in mind than to fulfilled my promise please try to understand me, it's very dangerious to play with somebody's emotion,baby, i cannot do such thing to u please try to understand,i'm for u only.

If there is any other thing that bothers u anything else u want to know more about me , please do not hesitate to ask.

Please let me know if u still love me or not? and let me know the type of xmas gitf u like most also do u like to watch Nigeria movie as u already a Nigeria woman?.

Baby, u are my only happiness.

Please extend my warm greetings to ur mother.

Yours care
Prince

Quote:

hiya Prince

yes i have red ur message k an am still decidin k. wat u gon 2 do then make it up 2 me? an how i no that u wil not do sam again then?? I wuz relly relly hurt by u k??

I hav lots & lots of guys asking me out an all an its only cos yr a prince that i am stil speking to u k!! i hav got ova it a bit now but was cross wen u did nt right n stuff i can tel u that. but i supose i can hav word with uncle m. and my mum an see if they wan to stick with u an all. i quite lik u i gess evn tho u r a pain at times lol but if u want me 2 stay keen u hav write me more often ok an tel me sweet things an not b such a prat.

hey i was just reding again bout ur sis. does she like clubbin?

CANDICE X

Quote:

To: Princess Candy

Subject: My Darling baby

How ar u today?, do u see me in ur room last knight?

Quote:

Prince Emmanuelle

What is happening in regards to my niece? Do you still have intentions?

MARMITE

Quote:

My Dear Uncle,

I have contacted Candy and appologised to her as u must have seemed to wish that i do so and she has replied to my mail with bundle of complainance and the fact remain that we have comprehend each other more now than before.

You know that i have no other intention than to fulfilled the obligation.

Iam ready to come down as soon my requisition is being done everything depend on you people now as for me, i'm ever ready.

Thanks

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

We naturally appreciate your efforts to make amends, I rather think that the only real way forward will be to pay us all a visit, and as soon as possible too. When can you get away? If you are quick you will still be in time to share in the mince pies and games of Cluedo with Us all at Balmoral.

Kind regards
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

My Dearest Uncle,

Thanks for your understanding and good work being done inorder to accomplish this goal what i want now is official letter of invitation to be forwarded to UK Embassy and a copy to me and the peanut,ie, some coins that i needed be to enable me facilitates some things here-off.

Thanks and God bLESS U

Prince

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I imagine that some funds could be found in the petty cash to assist your likely arrival. However before any of this can take place, We will need some assurances:

1. Is your relatiobship with Princess Candy now on an even footing, with a becoming generosity of sprit and honesty assured on your part? I would not want to waste money on some native scoundrel who is likely to break hearts again. You will appreciate this plain speaking is in all our interests.

2. Are you fully intending to work towards a position of matrimony with my niece? She is, as I have stressed of impressionable age, and completely pure. I will not have her trifled with.

3. What reassurances can you put in place that you will make the journey? I would not want to advance some golden dorks for expenses to fine this whole matter is some sort of wasted effort.

I await your reply.

In the meantine I take the liberty of copy in this request for assistance to our financial chappie, Dr Farnes Barnes who is best placed to see you get what is coming to you.

MARMITE

Quote:

My Dearest Uncle,

Thanks for your cooperation i fully comprehended all that you meant all i can let you know is ,Princess Candy is my wife i have no other intention than to fulfilled the obligation.

Sir, I and Candy has understood each other she knows input and output of me and only assurance i can give to u is that i can never disappoint her bcos if i do, i disappoint myself and my future. Please let me know the kind of assurance you might needed be?.

Thanks and God Bless You

Prince

Quote:

Dear Manny (if I may be so bold)

This is excellent news. Assuming you will accept a few dorks to help your navigation to our part of the world, I am sure Dr Farnes Barnes will, after some necessary formalities, be able to provide same.

Incidentally how is the question of formal dress coming along. I believe Mr Tossov has been in communication? We don't want you looking slovenly when meeting up with your future bride, after all. Also perhaps you will need something to go nightclubbing, with perhaps just a touch of bling?

Kind regards

MARMITE

Quote:

To: "Candice Windsor"

My Dearest Sweat Heart,

Thanks 4 ur understanding that makes good relationship to last forever.

Naturally, i just want to know u more as i'm practically wishes to marry a wife that i would spent my entire life forever.

As u may know, most relationship don't last forever bcos of lack of understanding between the two parties.

Now that i have comprehended whom u are and the sentiment in ur heart,i have fully prepared to wear u a garment of love forever.

However, what is the meaning of love & emotion?.

I know that ur heart is therein burning like fire, that ur small hole that's scratching u do u think u can swallow strong iron? and how long can u last on bed if?.

I have contacted ur uncle on behalf of ur mum and i beleived they has forgiven me as they understood me very well.

Baby, i want u to send me ur new pic, just scan and save the pic in document then send as attachment through ur email box.

Thinkin of u

Prince

Quote:

k i have had long & hard thnk bout this k an i am willin to giv u a second chance fella but u betta b kool and not mess me about c???? i was rel mad last tim an al.

now u coming up to see us all or what cos u say u r & then nothin happns wich is a real bumma (((

u write me back asap and tell me again wat u is doing cos i am not sure i am doin the rite thing stil. i gess it is nly cos ur cute k! hey but u hav 2 tel me if u been tru 2 me hav u had otha girls i bet u hav wat with al those cuties u hav out ther al nakid in the sun and al. i bet u been doing lots u shouldnot hav. wel if so u beta apologise mista that al i say but i spose men r like that at lest that is wat Uncle M he say.

hey if u come to uk then we can go clubbin.

anehow let me kno what u think k

CANDY xx

Quote:

My dearest Uncle,

Thanks for your warm cooperation as a matter of fact , i believe you knows what a Golden Prince Deserve?, just do it to the best of your abillity and note that i have not hear from any other person for any reason please address this issue to the highest level as my people expected this issue to be the best as to return with best result.

I want one of the best suite,ie ,everything for me and my wife to be the best.

Thanks

Prince

Quote:

Dear Prince Awurry

I suggest that if you have not already done so, you communicate your essential measurements to Mr Tossov, the royal tailor at Cack & Chavster, so that he can commence to cut out a pattern on your instruction.

He may also require some idea as to prefer fabric and cut. I know that you people like a loud and florid look for instance, with elasticated waist bands on the pants and what not, which may mean a broad tartan choice. Your decision of course. Your wife can be safely directed to a wrap around of some kind, but not as large as to appear like a barrage balloon, naturally.

Any news on the other business by the way? I was under the impression that this is urgent?

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns

Quote:

My Dearest Uncle,
Thanks for your warm cooperation please give me the email contact of the tailor so that i can let him know what i want or my wife Candy can as well know the best for me.

I want you to forwards the vital documents as to commence the process of my visitation here-off.

Thanks
Prince

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

The name of the royal tailor is Mr Lonslo Tossov, at Cack and Chavsters Ltd. He may be reached on [email protected].

Mr Tossov will be pleased to ensure that you are treated with the respect that you deserve. You may wish to have your preferences and vital measurements ready, waist size etc, for he is bound to ask.

I will look into the documents situation, but as you will appreciate, most of the relevant offices are closed now for the festivities. However if you could forward a passport scan, that would be a big help.

Regards
MARMITE

Quote:

MY DEAREST UNCLE,

WORD CANNOT SAY HOW GRATEFUL I'M FOR THE CULTIVATION AND PROPAGATION OF THE SOIL OF THIS ISSUE OF OUR WITH A HAND BILL WHICH HAD HAVE ASSURED ME OF YOUR HIGH PROBILTY AND SINCERITY IN THE VINEYARD WARM UNDERSTANDING.

THE FACT STILL REMAIN THAT I WANT U TO LET MY CANDY TO KNOW THAT LIFE IS A FOUNDATION SO, SHE HAS TO START IT IN THE PROPOSITION HELP ME TO WATER THE GROUND AND ADD MORE MANURE FOR THE PLANTED SEEDS TO GROW RICHER AND FASTER.

I HAVE WRITTEN TO CANDY YESTERDAY AND PRACTICALLY THERES IS NO NEED FOR PRESENT TO HER ALL SHE NEEDS NOW IS MY BODY AND SOUL ALSO I WANT U TO KNOW THAT MY GOLDEN MOTHER PRINCESS MARGRET UNDERSTOOD ME MOST MORE THAN MY OWN PARENT SHE KNEW THAT WE YOUTHS ARE FULL OF MISTAKE AND SHE IS MY EDUCATOR AND CORRECTOR I BELEIVED SHE HAD HAVE FORGIVEN ME WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

PLEASE I WANT U TO HASTEN ACTION AND DO WHAT I DO REQUIRE FROM YOU TO DO BCOS OF THE TIME FACTORS AS TO PROCESS MY VISA AND COME OVER IMMEDIATELY.

THANKS

Quote:

Dear Prince

How good to hear from you again, my dear chap, especially now that previous differences have mostly, it seems been ironed out. I saw Candice only last night as she was out to some night club or other (a bit chilly for the hot pants I must admit, but I said nothing, as she is so very headstrong like all youngsters these days). She seemed much more chipper now that you two are getting along again. She said that she had heard from you, but that she had not yet replied. Perhaps with luck you will have a reply to your recent missive before very long. I am sure that, with a little more understanding and some effort at romance, you will secure her affections entirely.

On a more delicate note, my dear chap, I was wondering if you have any concrete proof of your good health and medical status to hand? Naturally once you arrive in our country we will let Dr Harold Shipman give you a routine once over, but any tests you might have had already, which are still current of course, would be very useful. I hope you don't mind me mentioning such matters but one hears of such dreadful outbreaks and illnesses in your part of the world. Of course speaking frankly, and this I am sure as men together, we know that wild oats must be sown etc etc, but at the end of the day given the status of this impending arrangement, we would not welcome the arrival of suitor with anything infectious, if you know what I mean. Such reassurances of course, would greatly assist any pending visa applications as you might imagine. They are very keen on the personal hygene of migrants at the Home Office.

I await your kind response,
Marmite

Quote:

Dear Tossov,
I have been mandated by Uncle Sir-Marmite in respective of designing a special suite for special weding ceremonial affairs that expected to be known and witnessed by the world VIP's on behalf of Prince A.Emmanuel and Princess Candy .,
I understand that you are an expertin this field focus on the potential information being obtained about your good work you expectedto add a great value as to proof your professionalism. ,
I believe you might knew what is best for a golden prince please spare me more information on your operative network. ,
With Kindest Personal Regards, I Remain.,
HRH.PRINCE EMMANUEL AWURUH,
CEO--UNICON,
5TH EAST KANIFING INDUSTRIAL ESTATE,
PMB-424-SEREKUNDA,
THE GAMBIA,
TEL;00220-990974

Quote:

Lonslo Tossov

PRINCE AWANKAH_I AM JUST RETURNED FROM THE CHRISTMAS BREAK AND FIND THIS SHORT INTRODUCTORY MESSAGE FROM YOURSELF IN EXPECTATION OF A QUALITY SUIT_I HAVE ALSO HAD A MORE COMPREHENSIVE BRIEFING FROM SIR MARMITE YOU WILL BE ASSURED OF THAT_VERY WELL SIR LET US SEE WHAT IS TO BE DONE_HOWEVER BEFORE I CAN COMMENCE MARKING OUT FABRIC YOU WILL DO ME THE COURTESY OF SUPPLYING KEY MEASUREMENTS ELSE YOUR FRAME WILL END UP DRAPED LIKE SOME VILLAGE MARQUEE AFTER A RAIN STORM_I WILL REQUIRE FROM YOU THE FOLLOWING: WAIST IN CMS_INSIDE LEG_CHEST_SHOULDER AND COLLAR SIZES OR WIDTHS IN SAME AND AS ACCURATELY AS POSSIBLE_ALSO AN IDEA OF WHAT CHOICE FABRIC YOUR SUIT IS TO BE MADE UP IN_I SUGGEST CUSTARD CAVALRY TWILL BUT YOU PEOPLE MAY HAVE YOUR OWN IDEAS GOING BY WHAT I HAVE SEEN OF YOUR PREMIERS DRESS SENSE_ALSO DO YOU REQUIRE DOUBLE OR SINGLE VENTING ON THE JACKET_SINGLE OR DOUBLE BREASTED DESIGN FOR THE FRONT_ELASTICATED WAIST OR DO YOU HAVE BELT AND BRACES??_FINALLY I WILL NEED TO KNOW IF YOU PREFER A WAISTCOAT AND _IF YOU TELL THE TIME A POCKET F0R THE WATCH?_AS SOON AS I HEAR BACK I WILL PLEASED TO MAKE ALL PREPARATIONS_YOU WILL ALSO NEED SUPPLY ME YOUR ADDRESS FOR THE COURIERING THE ITEMS WHEN DONE AS YOU WILL WANT TO MAKE THE BEST IMPRESSION WHEN YOU ARRIVE HERE AND NOT POP UP LIKE AN UNWELCOME DOGS DINNERS IN FRONT OF HER MAJESTY_I AM SURE THIS NEED NOT BE STRESSED TOO HIGHLY,
I AWAIT YOUR REPLY SIR AND IN SHORT ORDER IF THIS MATTER IS URGENT,
KINDLY REGARDS,
Lonslo Tossov,
Cack & Chavster Tailors,
69 Kustardt Levy,
Muggins,
Smegaroonshire,
UR1 PRAT

Quote:

Princess Candy

Hey kool k!

HRH Princess Candice Mercedes Windsor

Quote:

Subject: Thinken of u/happy new year,

My Dearest Princess,
Sincerley i would not hesitate to let u know that i felt so bad on the manner with which u do handle the issues of ours.,
I've written severally requesting 4 ur direct telephone number so that i can talk to u but no avail u can't even write back to me tolet me knoe the imput and out put of yours these meant to me there is practically a game being played somewhere.,
My heart is rottenly tottered bcos of u today is a new year which meant a new day in our life i have had resolved the task to remain faithful to u but naturally it seemto me that u have taken me for granted. ,
As a matter of fact, i can't fully beleived that u really love me in accordance with ur promise bcos of the nature u had have handled issues on my behalf. ,
I want a cogent evidence from u inorder to accomplish this mission.,
Yours care,
Prince

Quote:

hi Princey how u then? ,
Sos i not bin able to chat mch but i bin out clubbin and stuff a lot ova chrimble & ny with my mates and evrything. Hey what u bin up to then? u bin clubbin 2? i bet u hav! an hav dance with al d gals there!!!!! ,
anyhows i got all ur messages an i gess we r kool now. i have spoke to Uncle M. an told him that u r sorry an that an we should try get togetha k? He ses that u seem alright but is not sure u are relly serous or that u r relly free to get marry?. anehow he sez u r getting a smart sute and all which wil b relly kool i gess.,
waht u sayin that i dont luv u no more then??? corse I still like u k but its just that u have bin a real nutcase messin with my feelins an all k? But u will hav to work hard an come ova soon an show me that u relly relly mean it k or i will think u jus havin a laff at my expence. I don wanto think u r just messin!!!!,
so do u think of me lots then cos i hav bin u k xxxxxxx,
CANDICE

Quote:

To: "Lonslo Tossov",

Dear Sir,
Happy xmas and new year,thanks for your informative response with which the contents therein noted with care in compliance with your request,My waist is 34 and my lenth is 43 but i don't know about other measurement of suit therfore i suggest u send me some sample pictures of the ones u have in your stock for my perusal.,
Note, I want the best the address in my first letter is my office address with which can be used to dhl the package if needed be.,
Thanking u for ur anticipated cooperation.,
Prince

Quote:

Sir,
I thank you for your measurements so far as they are. However we will still require a reliable inside leg and shoulder width to begin a preliminary cutting. Kindly make every effort to get information to us as any delay will eventually effect the time it takes to send you a first fitting. As you seem uncertain as to the best cut for yourself I append the following:,
International Styles & Cuts,
The English style seems to be the most popular of all the schools of suit fashion, showing careful attention to detail. The jacket lies close to the body and is marked at the waist. The shoulders are soft, have little padding, and are not particularly large. The armholes are usually cut quite high. The English suit includes two side vents, even in dress suits. The double breasted jacket is more popular in England than in America where they prefer a two or three button single-breasted version, and the trousers usually have two pleats with the pockets placed along the seams. ,
The Italians prefer the shoulder to be quite high, padded and to sag just a bit. The jacket clings a bit more tightly to the body and has a rather narrow armhole. The jackets generally have pockets without flaps and are without vents in the back. In Italy, single or double vents are often limited to sports jackets. The Italian pants have diagonally cut pockets and a low waist, probably because the Italians do not favor wearing suspenders or vests with their close fitted suit jackets. ,
In America, the shoulder is more naturally soft, with an even slope and with little or no padding. Jackets almost always have three buttons, with only the center button fastened. The armholes are wider than the English version, thus providing more comfort and adaptability to different physiques. The pockets of the jacket have flaps, and the back has only one vent. The pants usually have no pleats and the fit down the leg is close.,
The French school comes from the style begun in the 1960's by Pierre Cardin, who designed a jacket with high shoulders and a visible little roll in the sleeve's head. This jacket is flared and very long, popular in England in the first half of the 20th century. Cardin's pants were bell-bottomed and without pleats.,
The German suits have always been designed for comfort and durability. The shoulder of the jacket is low and natural. The chest is prominent, providing enough room on the inside for pockets to hold wallets, notebooks, pens, etc. The pants crotch and waist are low.,
The Sabatini style is a mix between all the fashion schools. He suggests that men should concentrate on the executive single breasted, two-button style suit with a notched lapel and a medium fitted waist. The armhole should be 3/4� deeper than the English style, for comfort. Opt for a medium fit shoulder. The collar of the jacket should lie close to the neck and the lapel should fit the contours of the chest. Make sure the inside canvas is of medium weight; if the canvas is too heavy, your jacket will be stiff. On the other hand a too light canvas will not work in the heat and humidity of summer. Your jacket will have no body and will appear wrinkled and worn. The proper executive style suit jacket will have no vents or maybe one, if you are tall and thin. The no-vent jacket is especially important for men who are a little heavy in the seat. These men should absolutely stay away from side vents. The jacket should contain two outside convertible flap pockets (This allows you the freedom to use the flaps or fold them inside the pocket) and enough inside pockets to hold your pocket computer, pens, cell phone, and change. The sleeves will have four buttons with open, working buttonholes.,
Choose the finest quality fabric you can afford and your suit will last you 15 years or longer, none of your native workmanship here! 100% woven wool is best for year-round wear. Wool is a natural fiber and breathes so you can be comfortable, even in very warm weather. You won't have to have a fine wool suit dry-cleaned very often if you hang it in the evening after wearing it. The wrinkles will fall out by morning and you can usually spot-clean wool with a little water. ,
**** SIR IN ADDITION I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY TO ATTACH A FEW SAMPLES_INCLUDING ONE OF THE AS I UNDERSTAND IT TRADITIONAL NATIVE FABRIC STYLE_ FOR YOUR PERUSAL AND SELECTION. MORE CAN BE PROVIDED BUT HURRY UP MAN AND MAKE YOUR CHOICE AS I UNDERSTAND TIME IS PRESSING??

Lonslo Tossov

Quote:

Dear Tossov,

In view of fact and substance i do suggest u contact my wife or Uncle Marmite to sendu my picture therein u can know what to do next.,
Thanks

Quote:

Lonslo Tossov AWANKAH_ I HAVE NOW SEEN THIS IMAGE OF YOURS AND UNFORTUNATELY IT GIVES A POOR IDEA OF YOUR POSTURE LET ALONE THE OUTSTANDING MEASUREMENTS REQUIRED_GOOD GOD MAN YOU ARE ALL SLUMPED ON ONE SIDE LIKE A DISCARDED FLOUR SACK_IS THERE NO OTHER IMAGE OR PRECISE DETAILS YOU CAN PROVIDE?_I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOUR COUNTRY BUT HERE WE TAKE A PRIDE IN OUR WORK AND THE LAST THING I WANT IS TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH SOME BAGGY PANTED [censored] MAKING THE WRONG SORT OF IMPACT AT THE PALACE IN MY HANDIWORK_REPLY AT ONCE WITH SOME MORE USEFUL DATA AND STOP THIS ANNOYING DELAY IF YOU PLEASE AS WE NEED TO PRESS ON NOW,
T

Quote:

My Baby ,

Happy new year in advance, I can see that u like clubing do that makes u happy?.

I'm not of course the kind of man u might think i'm my word is my bond, i can never love ,dance or do anything with any other woman except u whom i have devoloped interest emotionally.

Perhap u might be there being unfaithfull to me but whenicome over there i know how to check that hole to know how many stone had past there as for me i have promised to remain 100% faithful to u forever.

As for my presence, Frantic effort has made by Uncle Sir Marmite all what remain now is the basic documentation which should be sent from ur end to UK-Embassy in the gambia to enable me obtain a visa here-off as soon as this is done, my body and soul will be there to feed ur emotion but the fact remain , how strong ar u to swim such great deepest Ocean?.

Loooooooooooooooooovingggggggggggg uuu always

Prince

Quote:

Hiya Prinny

Yea I'm keen on clubbin can u tel lol? i bin clubbin in lots of places with my mates. What u do then at weekends u eva go an hav fun? I bet u do. hey if we gonna be married then u hav 2 b honest k bout what u got up to an al, an u dont say much.

If u want the papers the Sir M will hav to go through Mr Barrymore, has he mentioned him yet? he does all special stuff like wat u r afta and he send out papers an stuff k. ask Uncle M an he will tell u k. he might even do the licence for our weddin!!!!!

Hey wat u get for Chrimbo then? I got outfits and clubbing gear it was fab. also CDs an that.

ur so romntic lol its cute k

CANDICE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Quote:

To: "Lonslo Tossov"
Subject: Re: Forget about me pls

I seriously condemn man of inhumanity to man being encoding with Abusive word i'm from a royal traditional family in Nigeria well-known crude oil blessed country.

My atar is of the traditional dress of Africa u don't expect me to wear suite the way u people do in western world and note that u are not even up-to the class of designers that designs my wear hence u are being coded with abusive word, i suggest u forget about everthing i will do shoping in paris as i prefer french blazer suite before arriving in london upon my visitation thereto./

Please don't ever write to me again hence-forth watch ur back i will appear in ur room soonest

Quote:

Lonslo Tossov

AWANKAH_I AM AT A LOSS TO EXPLAIN YOUR SUDDEN ABUSIVE TONE SIR WHEN I HAVE SIMPLY PROVIDED YOU WITH A LIST OF OPTIONS IN SO FAR AS PROVIDING YOU WITH THE SUIT REQUESTED??_I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT YOU ARE OILY ROYALTY AT HOME WITH YOUR OWN DISTINCT NATIONAL DRESS STYLE BUT AS I AM SURE YOU WILL APPRECIATE AN AUDIENCE WITH THE POWERS THAT BE IN THIS COUNTRY DEMANDS MORE THAN A QUILT THROWN OVER YOUR BACK AND STRAW SHOES_SINCE YOU HAVE DECLINED THE PROFESSIONAL HELP OF MY COMPANY I SHALL REGRETFULLY REPORT SAME TO SIR MARMITE WHO WILL NO DOUBT BE ASTONISHED AT YOUR ABRUPT TURN OF MANNER_HOWEVER I WASH MY HANDS OF YOU AS THIS IS THE SECOND TIME WE HAVE ATTEMPTED CORRECTIVE WORK ON YOUR WARDROBE ONLY TO FACE A LAST MINUTE SNUB_I HAVE DO NOT HAVE TIME TO WASTE IN THIS FASHION SIR _I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT

T

Quote:

I depreciate such abusive offer of yours requim to your diabolic proffesionalsm in the light of this, i insist you forget anything about me i have enough money to do my shoping in one of supper store in paris.

Quote:

Lonslo Tossov, outraged outfitter:

VERY WELL SIR BUT DONT BLAME ME IF YOU END UP LOOKING LIKE A JEAN PAUL GAULTIER DRAGGED THROUGH A HEDGE BACKWARDS_BUT FOR GODS SAKE GET A SECOND OPINION BEFORE YOU TURN UP HERE FOR INTRODUCTIONS FRESH OFF THE BOAT_FIRST IMPRESSIONS COUNT FOR MUCH_ AS I AM SURE YOU ARE AWARE SIR AND GOING BY YOUR PHOTOGRAPH YOU NEED ALL THE HELP YOU CAN GET

T

Quote:

Don't worry yourself Uncle Marmite, My Wife and Princess Margret knows me better than you and they all knows what to do next.

Quote:

Lonslo Tossov

I HAD NO IDEA OF THE LOCAL MEANING OF THIS INSULT WHICH I USED PURELY AS I LIKE THE SOUND OF IT_IF IT IS INDEED HIGHLY OFFENSIVE AS YOU ALLEGE ON RACIAL GROUNDS I WILL NATURALLY ENDEAVOUR TO STRIKE FROM FURTHER REMARKS MADE BY YOURS TRULY_REST ASSURED THAT I TAKE MATTERS OF THIS SORT VERY SERIOUSLY

PHILANTHROPIC REGARDS

Quote:

My Dearest Sweet heart-Princess Candy ,

Please kindly accept my appoligies in any area in which i have offended you, please forgive me, can you?.

My heart is troubled,i can't eat nor sleep,my heart long for you everyday and knight.

Please forget whatever my condition or nature could be focus on future, I'm for you forever,i promise.

Please come back to your sweet heart-pleaaaaaaase.

Hoping to hear from you again.

Yours-in-Love
Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

hi prince

what u up to then? i was clubbin last night. u like that?

hope ur well still and big kisses

hey dont get mad cos i am sure urll find someone k u seem sweet guy k?

CANDICE XXXXX
HRH Princess Candice Mercedes Windsor

Quote:

My Darling,

Hav u received my responsive mail? I wonder what is going on at ur end? i hope all is well with u? note, ur problem is my problem we have to share it together so stop hiding ur feelings from me.

Would u like me to visit u in UK or would u come down to Visit me?,

Baby i knew that i have hurt u b4, but never again again i promise, do u accept my appology?.

Note, my love 4 u is forever

Looking to hear from u soonest

Prince

Quote:

Hey prince

yes i was bit upset when u just went of and did not say anythin bout what was the matter. i had feelin that u dont love me ane more!!! so wat happen then y did u go cold, it was v upsettin. :- ((

if u want to cum & visit me kool and i expekt i culd put u up at the palace but i am not sure i want 2 now! my uncle Marmite may not want u round much as he will think u r afta my cash lol

also if u don like clubbin wat will we do wen we get togetha then???

Quote:

My Darling,

Thanks 4 ur warm mail, as regard to ur question, I wholeheartedly promised to remain faithful to u and standby u in any point also i can never let u down, how about u?

Baby, the picture u send cannot be opened i tried but to no avail therefore i would like u to resend in normal attachment to :[email protected] .

NB, It seems that ur parent is not in line with the level of our understanding and communication?, these bcos I received mail from ur Uncle asking some embarassive questions in the light of this, i want u to open-up to ur parent let them to know about everthing between us I have done thesame to my parent too that i have found a girl i will marry and spend my entire life with--- forever, please advise.

Please tell ur mother i would like to hear from her .

Yours care

Prince

Quote:

Princess Candy

hiya Manny

Its k cos my uncle M. sez we can keep chattin at least for a bit ))). I told him that i was keen on u right and said rite back that he wuld hav a think which is kool i gess for him. sos u lost my pic but i hav send it again with this mess k?

do u relly want to speak to my mum then? cos if u do I will ask her write an stuff k but she may not like u k

hey u sure u dont like clubbin?

Quote:

To: Charles Farnes-Barnes
Date: Wed, 16 Nov 2005

Dear Sir,

Your esteemed favoured mail have been received and the contents therein noted with care.

Presently , i'm the process as to put things in places thereafeter I will bring to your favorable notice upon my readiness to come down to London.

Do you require any further informaton or clarification?

Regards
Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

My Dear Prince,

No further notification is required.

However, I will of course need the invoice from your travel agent to reimburse you before you leave for London.

Yours truly,
Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes VC

Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 9:34 pm

Quote:

To: Sir Marmite Luny-Binns
Date: Wed, 16 Nov 2005

Dear Sir,

Thanks I'm very grateful for the step you have took as to water the ground of this noble relationship of ours.

I have written to my parent sequel to the on-going issues athand just to bring to their favourable notice.

I'm still awaiting to hear from them however i would prefer the flight ticket to be sent than cash as your partner had have informed me that you have authorised him to do so and note that the ticket will be attached with an official letter of invitation in which a copy will be forwarded to the british embassy for procession of my visa hereoff.

You ask if i'm circumcised, as you are aware, I'm a Roman Catholic Family brought -up the family maintain the catholic doctrine circumcission is being done at my childish age and upon my arrival to your end feel free to conduct any medical check-up and note, i'm naturally a preserved child.

I have not got the picture of Princess Candy the attachment being sent cannot be opened due to the nature of the programme being used therefore I would like her to resend it in a normal way as I do.

Once again ,thanks for your cooperation and understanding I promised I will make sure everything being done-x-y-z.

Please kindly extend my warm greetings to my Golden Mother,HM,PRINCESS MARGRET.

With Kindest Personal Regards, I Remain.

Faithfully Yours
Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

What exactly are your intentions towards my niece? Scarcely are serious arrangements coming into place, at no little trouble here, I might add, when you vanish into thin air, with hardly so much as a word and certainly no apology. If you have really lost interest in this matter, kindly do Us the favour of confirming the fact, as I know that Candice is severely upset over this lamentable toying with her affections. Sir, I have a feeling that you are proving a cad, indeed more of an opportunistic vagabond than of royal blood. But I still hope to be dissuaded from such a view by some gentlemanly explanation.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC
Regis Court Chamberlain
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
0909 674 4848

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I have heard from Mr Tossov that you have no longer need of the suit? Is this true? He mentions that you intend wearing some sort of blazer to court?? We will have to insist on a tie, you know.

Also how are you getting on with Candice? I tried to find out news from her last night but she was on her way out to a night club and was unable to give me much information.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

My Dearest Princess,

I can't retail or detail to u much more about me any more untill we sees each other as u can't even trust whatever i might tell u but almight God is my witness i came from a royal traditional family which tradition and culture must be maintained practically we always remain faithfull to our loved ones especially our wife.

I know u can never beleive me that i don't have any other person i loved except u my darling it has been my wish to have a responsible someone from a responsible family with which God has answered prayer.

As regard to ur request, u can go-ahead permit ur Uncle to prepare a marrige licenced of ours as that can help hasten the action in procession of my visa here-off.

Baby naturally i don't care whatever u does my love for u is forever but when i come down over i will forth-with test the hole to know how many rod has past there?.

All i want u to do now is to add more presure to ur uncle inorder to put in place the relevant infrastructures that would enhance the effectiveness of this issue highlighted and thus turn this programm around.

Loviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig u

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh
5th east kanifing industrial estate
pmb-424-serekunda
the gambia
Tel;00220-9910974

Quote:

Hi Prinny xxx

hey thanks for writin again an all sos i hav not got bak but hav bin shoppin clubbin and doing stuff k lol, hey to b honest i am sorta lookin around for d wedding stuf what is out ther just in case u is serious what colurs do u like for the brides then?? i quite lik pink but u hav to chose as u r d man!!! anehow how u bin an r u rellly relly miissin me den??? xxx

hey can u send me more pics of u then cos i only hav 1 or 2 an i hav that on my pc as screensava but need mor k. hav u anythin takn in bathin costume then?? kos that wuld be relly kool! but not rude stuf k!! i hav shown ur pic to my frien Eve and she is sur ur a sexy guy!!!!! k then i will sign of now but i have her wat u said about talkin to Uncle M an i will do that 4 u k

also wen u do want come ova? Uncle M sez u are not very sure??

bfn then k

C XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Quote:

Dear Prince

I am interrupting my vacation in Smegaroon to say how upset I am that you were offended by the Court Tailor, Lonslo Tossov, who apparently insulted you.

Although this must have been distressing for you, I can inform you that Mr Tossov is not a racist. Indeed, he employs workers from all over the world including South Africa and Zambia. However, his command of English is not good and I think he was unaware that his words were insulting.

However, this is by the by. Of better news is that Princess Candy's Uncle, the Duke of Tesco, has instructed me to forward 2,000 golden dorks to you so that you can buy your air ticket to London.

If you give me your ban details, I will transfer the cash later this week on my return to London.

Yours truly,
Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes VC
Chief Executive
Kreplach Brothers Merchant Bank International PLC

Quote:

Dear Sir,

When are u ready to send the gold?, do u require further information in this regard?

Prince Emmanuel

Quote:

My Dear Prince,
I just need the address of your bank and the name and number of your account. It should then be possible to transfer the cash within a few days.

Yours sincerely,
Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes VC
Chief Executive
Kreplach Brothers Merchant Bank International PLC

Quote:

Thanks but I prefer western union money transfer as i needed things to be done urgently [this after 3 years at this same scam]

Quote:

Ms Tushie Meshuganah

Dear Prince,

Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes is out of the office until Monday January 16 and will respond to your e-mail on his return.

Yours truly,

Private Secretary to
Sir Charles Farnes-Barnes VC
Chief Executive
Kreplach Brothers Merchant Bank International

Quote:

My Dearest Uncle,

In view of facts and substance, I and Candy are vehemently tired of email communication we need to join our body and soul together i could comprehend the way she felt and I felt thesameway too therefore you are hereby require with earnest to urgently provide the vital impetus that would enhance the effectivenes of this issue in the proposition make a provision sequel to my requisition.

I did not deject or reject the said offer of the garment to be design by youR tailor but the fact is that i cannot stand the colour of abussive word from the said tailor even the president of my coutry has no right to voice such in the circumstance, i suggest you find another good designer or i can simply do my shoping in paris upon my arrival to ur end.

Note, I and my wife Candy need to be together so hasten action everthing remain at your side.

Thanks for your cooperation

PRINCE

Quote:

Dear Manny (if I may be so bold)

I fail to see how this sudden spate of petulancy can help matters. First you decline a perfectly good outfitting from Tossov, then ask me to arrange matters somewhere else. This is hardly the good graciousness I associate with one of your pedigree, if I must say so.

I am still keen, however, to bring Candice and yourself together - for a trial meeting at least, but your rueful recalcitrance is baffling. On a different note, after some discussion here I think we should be able to arrange your transit with all the introductory letters needed and what not.

Our man Sir Michael Barrymore, head of the Commonwealth Special Visa section will be able to fill you in. You may expect his contact shortly. Kindly have your documents ready.

Candice sends her love by the way, and asks why you don't write more often. (I rely upon her account as far as this is concerned) Kindly rectifiy this and reassure the young sprite of your continuing affection. Clubbing is her life but I am sure you hold her heart.

MARMITE

Quote:

My dearest uncle,

Note, Emperior are still currently in Isreal:
You should first understand my stand as a Prince as such i can't wear any material being designed by such a man of abussive word if you cannot handle this issue I can personally handle it by my self all i want from you now is to put in place the relevant infrastrures in this regard.

As i intimated you before, all I and Candy needed now is to keep our body and soul together email communication cannot solve this problem and this end I wait for your reaction here-off.

Prince

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I am afraid I can't make head not tail of this last one, old boy, it's so much native gibberish to us here.

What exactly are you saying? There is no Emperor of Israel, or are you joking when you suggest (i think?) a relation between you? Do you mean Abysinnia? Isn't he dead?

By the way do you want elasticated pants or not? I can still persuade Tossov to run some off, I believe he has your waist size.

Candice sends a big hug.

MARMITE

Quote:

My Dearest Princess,

Iam pleased to hear from u as a matter of fact, i want u to send me ur new picture bcos i have sent mine to u therefore i want yours thereafeter i will detailise u here-off.

Quote:

Dear Uncle,

Feel free i have every proof of my health but upon my presence at your end you can invite your doctor for more test and examination OK.

Thanks
Prince

Quote:

Dear Manny

Excellent news sir, you will excuse our caution in these delicate matters. We would not want our niece to catch anything untoward, as I am sure you appreciate. Are you also willing to provide a specimen? We are, after all, eventually anticipating issue from this union.

Quote:

Hi Prnce
sos i not bin able to rite much hey what u been up 2 then? hav u bin good an that lol??? i hope so cos u promised yeh. i hav bin away with my uncle on the ski an we have grate time, but i fel and twisted my ankle so culdnt go clubbin (((((

ane how i am back now and what pic u want again cos din i sent u some othas just few weeks back an all? u saying u want rude ones an that cos i wuld not do that even if we gon to b marry right. i mean uncle would kil me and stuff if i did that k

wen u coming ova anehow??????????? i am geting bored of wating for this 2 happen k!!!!!

plese hury up k

Cxxxxxx

Quote:

My dearest Sweat Heart,

Iam pleased to hear from u and of your mush trip of enjoyment with ur Uncle with which had of course reduced the commotion of clubalistic mometum of yours.

I require for ur new pictures bcos the very one u sent to me i couldn't view it out and i notified u in that regard didn't i?.

I don't understand what u meant by nude picture i have never ask for such perhaps u are communicating with somebody else who ask for such did'n u?.

Inur last mail u said that u will tell ur uncle to prepare a marriage Certificate of ours but up till now i couldn't see anything, what is going on?.

In ur previous mail u ask of my favourite colour, as u already know our body and soul has been combined so, our dress should be in uniform meanwhile, i like darkorange colour.

Baby,the delay is being occured at ur side all i needed to commence the procession of m visa are an official document from ur end therefore is ur duty to address this issue with ur uncle by using the power of woman in u.

Sincerely i want to have ur new pictures, if u want to send, these are the best method,
1.scan the pictures and save it in the desktop or document in ur computer.
2.go toattachment in ur email box click attachment,
3.click the name in which u used in saving the picture then wait to download and attached then click send.

Baby, I'm longing to meet u please try to hasten action i'm feeling lonely hereoff.

Loviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig u always

Yours care
Prince

Quote:

hiya Manny poos

hey how u then? I bin off a bit with a cold an studyin an that but now i am back k? NO I AM CHATTIN SOMWUN ELS K!!!!!!!! y u say that?? i was onle reply to wot u said k bout a pic. k then i have attached new 1 an hope u get that.

hav u not heard from Uncle M then?? i will ask an see wot is goin on k. i spect he is waitin to chat to Mr Barrymore who wil do such stuf but Mr M is in Australia an is bit slow k, ken u not ask him to hury as he just gets cros wiv me and i dont want that k. hav u given him al he wants then.

hey i went clubbin last night an it was kool. u like hip hop??

u like dark orange then i red in your stuff? hey i got a Nintendog unit that color it wil match lol!!! u have on of those or u have x box like my bro?

anehow i have attched my pic an hop u like it!!!

write soon anyhow and tell me stuff.

HRH Princess Candice Mercedes Windsor

Quote:

My Dearest Princess,

Thanks for your warm reply i can see u ar fully enjoying urself over there with ur loved ones,istn't?.

I could comprehend that ur end is very cold now and thesame weather we are facing here in the gambia but i do survive the coldness by drinking my champagn and play my soft rock music .

I wonder why u cannot be able to attached ur picture properly sincerely the picture cannot be opened due to improperity way is being attached.

I have not heared from your Uncle in this regard, i want u to use the power of woman in u to spark-up this procession or do u like the delay to continue?.

Baby everthing depends on u and ur parent to expedite action upon your response , please send me ur direct cell phone so that i can call u for oral dicscussion.

Lovinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg u

Prince

Quote:

My Dearest Princess,

How ar u over there?, please i'm very sorry that i have not write to u ever since these bcos i traveled to Provencial area in Senegal ON ngo project.

How about your uncle and your mum?, i hope they are fine?.

As a matter of fact, i have prepared to come and meet u any moment from now i will appear to u the time u never expected therefore i will not retail or detail to u the date and time but surely soonest u will see me.

Please remain cool baby all is well my heart always tottered bcos of u.

Loviiiiiiiiiiiig u

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

hiya prince

kool cos i was jus wondring wat was up an if u stil loved me k an all.

i went clubin last nite an met this otha guy an almost we went for it but i knu u wuld rite back soon an stuff so i did not do anething k!!!!

anyways it has been ages since u have writen now, an I am not sure Uncle M is stil keen on the idea as u have messed with him so much, u best rite to him an see wat he sez if u relly want cum ova then kool and we can go out clubin an that but i am not sure i can trust u now (((

C xxxxxxx

Quote:

My Dearesr Uncle,

Thanks for your mail but i don�t comprended all that u meant please advise me.

Note, every thing at ur hand try to place things in place.

Regards

Quote:

Dear Prince

I am afraid this business between yourself and Princess Candice is not really working out. You have an annoying habit of making and then breaking promises, and we have yet to see hide or hair of you at the Palace for a getting to know you session that we had wished. Are you serious or not? Mr Tossov seems to think not and I am inclined to agree with him, even though one hates to side with trade. But the fact remains that I simply cannot have the heart of my niece toyed with in this fashion sir. It seems a shame, as we had a nice dowry lined up to celebrate such an auspicious betrothal, but matters have proved too much of strain for us and we fear being spread too thinly in this business.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

FOR THE ATTENTION OF TUSHIE MASHUNGANAH,

THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN, THE FACT IS THAT SIR-MARMITE HAS TO MARRY PRINCESS CANDY

Quote:

Ms Tushie Meshuganah

Mar 19, 2006

Thank you for your e-mail. Through Kreplach Brothers Merchant Bank sophisticated e-mail tracking device we know exactly who you are and where your e-mail comes from.

You will shortly be hearing from Colonel Edmund Diarra of the Private International Stop the Scammers security force. As a fellow African, I would sincerely advise you not to argue with him.

Kindest regards,
Tushie

Quote:

To: "Marmite Luny-Binns"
Sun, 19 Mar 2006

Sir,
I have plotted my personal analysis and found out that u are the one causing the road block in this issue as such, i have given u a power of attorney to go-ahead and marry princess candy,ok.

Iam a man of principles,note, i knew everthing about u and all that u do as well as all what is happening at ur end.

Be Carefully & Be warned watch ur back,i'm practically not the kind of element u might think i'm,ok i knew all the eminent people who has the power in the world.

Regards,
Prince

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

Many thanks for the email. It has taken some thought on my part before I could bring myself to reply. Your tone was, to be frank rather blunt, and at first I felt it best if I kept a dignified silence by way of gentlemanly response.

However, after some long moments of soul searching and internal debate I have come to conclusion that some of what you say is true. Perhaps I have been a trife harsh on you. Perhaps in the fierce flush of familial protection, I have too often thought the worst of you. Allied to the fact that Candice still asks after you kindly, even though somewhat disillusioned, I think it fairer if we start over again.

In short sir, when are you prepared to come over to England and meet us all? Your delays have given us understandable cause for concern, you must admit.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

thanks for your mutal understanding, as u may know ,i'm a kind of man who don't hide feelings when u offend me, i will go straight to the point to let u know how i feel,ok.
however,u should feel free i have forgiven u as nobody above mistake,ok.

please let my wife know that i always love her and as a matter of fact, i have commence the cultivation and propagation as to put things in place for me and her,ok. U should understand that marraige is something that last forever therefore i have to take my noble time to avoid future mistake,ok.

Tell my wife to contact me as soon as possible also talk to her in a meaningful way,ok.

As u may know,promise is a dept,I can't promise and fail her,ok as u may , i have sisters that will also get married.

Uncle, i want u to understand me as a man forget that i'm from Nigeria,ok.

One day u will smile and know why God has to combine the two known element fire and water to create a powerful devotional tools,ok.

Note, our noble relationship is not just an ordinary is being appointed by God,ok.

Please extend my warm greetings to my beloved mother,(Princess Margret),she is only one who understand me most.

With Kindest Personal Regards,I Remain.

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Note,i'm presently in Guinea Bissau.

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmaneulle

Naturally we are delighted that we able to start over again. However it seems that we have been here before. I remember that, a while ago, this whole matter looked extremely promising only for you then to not follow through with promises, leading to heartbreak on behalf of my niece and the need to for you later to humbly apologies to her, myself, and even my tailor.

Can you assure me that this time matters will smooth smoothly to a head? I do not want to be spread too thinly with all this constant blowing hot and cold. And Candice's affections cannot be tifled with over and over again without some damage to the child's self esteem. In short, sir, can you prove yourself beyond doubt as a reliable gentleman?

I will have word with my niece and ask her to write to you again and once again assume the best, although hesitations remain. However please ensure that you do not disappoint her again. Perhaps you might even look to send her a small token of affection, something affectionate, a romantic trifle, a palpable bilett-doux even, to assure her of your good intentions? This would go a long way to re establishing trust. I know that another suitor, one frankly less preferred by Candice, a Prince Lautfart from Denmark, is making headway in her esteem though his continuing care and attention in this manner.

Over to you sir.

Princess Margaret says hi.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

My dearest Uncle,

I have commence the cultivation and propagation to suprisingly come to UK, as to effectively cement the aforesaid noble relationship of ours with a hand bill.

However I will not detail or retail my timings pace but just expect me soonest.

Regards
Prince Emmanuel

Quote:

Dear Prince

This is excellent news sir!

Let us forge ahead with this meeting as soon as possible.

I look forward to sorting you out properly when we meet at last.

Kind regards

Quote:

My Dearest Uncle,
Thanks very much for your mutual understanding I can comprehend that you have abridged the road of this issue of ours as such, I assured you that this noble relationship will eventually beared a good fruit that all of us would ate and be satisfied,ok.

You should of cource bear at the back of your mind that good thing does not comes easily in the circumstance , I have determined that this issue must beared good fruit therefore you have to scratch my back by puting things in place between me and my wife Princess Candy sincerely I have no other intention than to fulfilled the promise and that could only be done by you adding more value in this issue note that here is Africa things are not the way you might think at your end.

All I want you to do for me is to let my wife to understand me very well as to know that this issue of marriage is something that last forever,ok,all I want from her is understanding of which you are in the position to smooothen that road .

In combing my facts, I aimed at effectiveness.

Thanks for your cooperation Please extend my greetings to my mother Princess Magaret and wishes you all the very best.

Quote:

My Dearest (Mother)Princess Margaret,

First, Please kindly accept my appologies for the tardiness of my uncharacteristic steps of doings with which I felt guilty here-off.

All I want from you is forgiveness and to put in place the relevant infrastructures that would enhance the effectiveness of this noble relationship of ours.

Mum, the fact is that Uncle Marmite has not brightened the road of this issue with which I do believe that you are in the position to add value as well as address this issues with due respect.

I understood that many things had have happened at your end but I assured you that you have nothing to loose hence I'm there .

Thanking you for your mutual Understanding and Hoping to hear from you soonest.

Yours Son
Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

HRH Princess Margaret 24 Apr

Dear Prince,

After some delay I have decided to reply to your affecting words of supplication, and with some not little guilt on my part either.

To be honest, it is I who have asked Sir Marmite and Candice to be deliberately tardy in their communications with you and they have been acting on my advice.

For a while I have been doubtful as to your intentions in regards to these nuptials and whatnot.

A conversation with the Archbishop of Smegaroon, Sir Bernard Manning only added to my concerns when he pointed out the incidence of immorality and turpitude in your society which may make a connection with the royal household problematical.

However a long chat with Sir Marmite and with Candice this weekend has persuaded me that you have turned over a new leaf, and this apology from yourself has, happily, added to this impression.

I am therefore happy give my blessing to this union moving forwards, provided that you can supply a firm date for arrival in the UK and sign a Royal Betrothal and Matrimonial Covenant Oath (a somewhat arcane formality, but one to which we remain attached) with the Commonwealth Commissioner of Oaths, Sir Michael Barrymore. This is a discreet matter, rest assured of that, but it needs to be done to secure our faith in this matter.

In the meantime I will instruct Sir M. and my niece that they have my temporary blessing at least in continuing correspondence with you and your courtiers.

I await your response with interest,

Kind regards
MARGARET

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I believe that HRH has made a reply to you today and that wheels are turning, now that Sir Michael Barrymore our legal chappie is involved.

Candice is delighted that she is free to make her heart known to you again and I am sure she will be contacting you shortly.

I will be pleased to therefore advise on accomodation and palace formalities once your arrival is confirmed from your end.

I will instruct the Royal Travel Agent to make arrangements and confirm matters once you decide when you are able to make your progress here. Please advise on accompanying staff, any security requirements, special diet, innoculation demands, national dress laundrying & etc as needed. We have some people of our own at hand for the basics, naturally, but would not want to be spread too thinly during the stay.

Best regards

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

Dear Uncle Marmite,

Thanks for your informative letter as a matter of fact, you should feel free to arrange things in order as for my side, I'm ever ready.

This issue would have been cemented but you are the cause of delay I hope you must have understand me beter now the way (MUM)HM. does she is only one who knows how to handle a material like me.

Now we are one family but you have to delete those information of me that you hung on the internet Iam not a scamer,ok.

Iam awaiting to receive the relevant document from (Lawyer M.Barrymore) upon the signatory I will fix the date of my warm visitation preferaby to come with some board members of International Association of Educators for World Peace(IAEWP),www.cat.cc.md.us/~wthom142/chancellors.htm

Please let my wife Princess Candy that I'm sorry for whatever have happened between us it happens for purpose I would hear from her soonest if accept my appology.

Regards

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

Naturally I am delighted that things are moving forwards once again and I must apologise once more for the delays which have occurred. However without wishing to revisit old problems, it may be worth reminding you that your own hesitations have contributed to the slow state of affairs in this matter. Candice has a couple of times felt that your heart s wishes were not entirely in turn with her own and felt considerably disillusioned with this matter. I understand that at times she even felt her ongoing interest in night clubbing had suffered through the distraction of not knowing what to expect and if you were genuine. To be frank, she is of an age where fervent, girlish emotions still rule her head. This of course makes an early marriage agreement to a husband of required standing, where such things may put aside in the cause of raising family and other womanly duties, all the more imperative.

You will know that, with HRH's agreement, things are now once again on the move. The next step will be for you to complete the paperwork due to be sent out by Sir Michael s office (I take the liberty of copying him in to this message, I know it is the Gooliepully Sheep Trials this week and this reminder will be timely) We look to concluding this element of the nuptials as soon as possible. Your keenest application to the required standards will be appreciated, with none of the native dilly dally we have had in the past either.

I am surprised that you say that scurrilous rumours about you still circulate on the web. I will of course ask my staff to issue retractions where possible, as we surely want to see you treated with the respect you deserve.

If you and your colleagues from the International Association of Educators for World Peace(IAEWP) are free to travel, perhaps we can arrange some sort of reception for you all towards the end of next month. We would be much obliged if you can issue our travel officer Hamish Macbeth with the detailed list of personnel, for security screening & etc at the soonest. His address is ([email protected]. After all we would not want to make any more of a drama out of this.

Candice has been away at hockey college for the last few weeks which may explain her silence in this matter, but she is due back shortly and I will ask her to make contact with you so that you two love birds may resume your canoodling, or what ever it is you young people do.

Finally let me say that, with the presumed resolution of our misunderstandings in this matter, I look forward to meeting you and giving you the reception here you deserve. Let us grasp the arm of resolve lately offered, and march forward together into a keener future.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

My dearest Princess,

All i want u to have at the back of ur mind is that I love u and my word is my bond but fact is the way u people issue sound repugnant to the naturally justice .

1, My parent has been asking me for your phone number atleast to talk to u but ever since i have been requesting for that u always ignoring me,why?.

2. How would u feel when someone who claim to love u cannot even call or talk to u even for once?.

Naturall, i do beleive really that u don't love me these bcos the manner of which u people handled this issue of ours.

My parent want to see action from u as my wife to be, as matter of fact, there is no evidence to proof that u really love me.

As u may know, ur uncle cannot mary u are a woman u have to use the power of woman in u this is a new world that people goes out to look for want they want.

Therefore if u really love as u say, then proof it to me, note, i'm not happy the things are bening done i expected by now me and u suppose to be together and build our own family.

On the valetine day, i expected a valetine card from u but i sees nothing, please advise me what is the sentimental in ur mind?.

Please if u have found a man who will be ur husband over there, please let me know so that i can not keep on waiting in respective of my promise.

Note, I'm presently in Republic of Guinea Bissua if u may want to call me on phone, i will give u phone upon ur response.

How are about ur mum and dad, i hope they are ok?.

My baby, i always love u

Prince

Quote:

My dearest Princess Candy,

Word cannot say how much U meant to me but the fact remain that I'm naturally facing a hard time here in Africa.

Please all I need from U is mutual understand,ok.

Iam ur loving husband and nothing can ever change my love for u,ok.

Note, ur Uncle is try to put assunder into this issue,ok, please advise me.

Yours CARE

Prince EMMANUEL

HRH Candice maintains a stony silence...

Quote:

My Dearest Princess Candy,

Well I don't have much to say than to let you know that I love you anytime any day,ok. Also I want you to understand that good thing does not comes so easy I have no other intention than to marry you and take good care of you as my Queen,ok.

I know you must have felt disappointed but try to understand me the way I undertstand you too,ok, I 'm practically facing a hard time here in Africa.

Note, all I hope is you my Princess, please don't think otherwise,ok, as I promised, it must be fulfilled,ok, I can never cheat on you ,ok, either do I have any other person except you,I could comprehend all what is going on at your end I knew that you must have felt downcasted but please try to understand that we are husband and wife and our love is forever,ok.Note, nothing stops the flowings of ocean therefore nothing can stop you having me,ok

Do you think that rain cannot fall on its season?.

Thanks for your understanding and wishes you and loved ones the very best.

Yours Care

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

hiya Prince

hey wow its cool bein able 2 rite 2 u afta such a while!!! b4 Auntie Margaret sed not 2 cos u wer just mucking about an al but now i ges it is ok as she sez so

wat u bin up to then?

i hv bin off at college 4 a bit, got some new mates an stuff an we al went clubbin. cool guyz an all!!! but hey don u get worry cos i am still liking u k!!!

now u hv 2 rite me about wat u want 2 do an all. i stil love u corse but i am not sure if it wil work out wat u thnk then??

Uncle M sez hi btw

C xxxxxxx

HRH Princess Candice Mercedes Windsor

Quote:

M. Montague Barrymore Subject: ROYAL BETHROTHAL AND MATRIMONIAL MARRIAGE OATH /PRINCE EMMANUEL AWURUH
Date: April 29, 2006

TO PRINCE EMMANUEL AWURUH

WHEREAS I, Michael Montague Barrymore hold office of COMMONWEALTH COMMISSIONER OF OATHS non git, I now hold forth and enlarge in full determination of vas deferens said ROYAL BETHROTHAL AND MATRIMONIAL MARRIAGE OATH as per PRINCE EMMANUEL AWURUH 'MALE APPLICANT FOR CONSENT' and HER ROYAL PRINCESS HIGHNESS LADY CANDICE ARABELLA LOVELACE WINDSOR 'FEMALE APPLICANT FOR CONSENT' as stated this day of our Lord 29TH APRIL TWO THOUSAND AND SIX.

1. This BETHROTHAL AND MATRIMONIAL MARRIAGE OATH should be printed out BY THE INTENDED GROOM or MALE APPLICANT FOR CONSENT, witnessed and signed for approval within TEN DAYS of issuance BY THIS OFFICE.

2. REFUSAL or LATENESS in appending your signed agreement to THIS OFFICE shall be held as NON COMPLIANCE, via all due pompodom regis, article 419-69 a 1934b (rev 1987)

3. COMPLETED OATH shall be scanned and returned as a 200 dpi attachment with IMAGE OF MALE APPLICANT FOR CONSENT to satisfaction of MYSELF or authorised OATH NOTORARY

4. THIS OATH IS NON TRANSFERRABLE TO KITH OR KIN and such binding contract notes are incontinent in kind upon those who act in part or full as your matrimonial agents in this matter, local customs and vimtos dictates notwithstanding

5. FEMALE APPLICANT FOR CONSENT will complete her own OATH to the satisfaction of this office in TEN DAYS and said OATHS will be taken as legal determinance of fey quims ad cheerios pacquet OR ALL PERTAINING STATUTES as per UNITED KINGDOM LAW

ROYAL BETHROTHAL AND MATRIMONIAL MARRIAGE OATH

I. The Authority

In the Name of God, our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ, we, _____________________ and ______________________ , hereby, before these witnesses, are in fey vimtos agreed to set out in holy matrimony, as God intended in Genesis 2: 21-25, from this day forward until death in so far as PRINCE AWURUH of _____________ is deemed MALE APPLICANT FOR CONSENT. Quad wankerit ed bollocks is.

The Authority in and for this marriage shall be Almighty God as revealed in the Holy Bible, Authorized 1611 King James Version (�the Word of God�). His words shall be final Authority in every decision and/or dispute.

II. The parties

_______________________ is a man of sound mind and character, and of lawful age, attesting to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the preeminence of the Word of God.

_______________________ is a woman of sound mind and character, and of lawful age, attesting to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and the preeminence of the Word of God.

III. The Benefits

Both of the parties shall have the usual and customary duties of marriage including, but not limited to, the following: Mutual sexual congress

It is specifically agreed that each party will endeavor to maintain high standards of hygiene and physical fitness so as to remain attractive one to the other.

Mutual society
Mutual rearing of children
Mutual support, including, but not limited to:

Financial: although the Husband shall be the person who works outside the home primarily so long as he is able. So long as the Husband is the party who is the primary provider of income into the home, the Wife shall be the person primarily responsible for childcare, housekeeping, cooking, and cleaning.

It is agreed that until such time as the parties have accumulated enough wealth whereby the survivor of the parties could rely on such wealth for all his or her sustenance for a period of no less than 70 years, life insurance will be acquired and paid for to provide enough money for said term of sustenance.

Moral: By example and by exhortation.

IV. The Prohibitions

The following activities or behaviors shall be considered violations of the marriage contract:

Adultery:

Adultery is defined as any sexual activity or conduct with any person or persons not a party to this agreement. Such agreement specifically rules out multiple wife arrangements, related initiation ceremonies and hut sharing.

Abandonment:

Abandonment shall be defined as either the filing in state court of any instrument seeking either legal separation or legal dissolution of the marriage, or desertion from the marital home for a period of no less than six months - whether support is paid by the deserting party or not.

Abortion:

Abortion shall be defined as the deliberate termination of the life of a child after fertilization by any means, or the use of abortifacient birth control chemicals, witchdoctor spells or devices.

Assault against a party or child of this marriage:

Assault is defined to be injurious or potentially injurious unwanted physical contact. A child of this marriage shall include any child of either party who is living with the parties and any adopted child.

Criminal behavior:

Criminal behavior shall be defined as one party�s willful and ongoing activities in violation of law such as would subject that party and/or the household to criminal sanctions and incarceration.

Dangerous behavior:

Dangerous behavior shall be defined as one party�s willful participation in behavior that has not been agreed upon by both parties that subjects the other party and/or the household to physical danger. This shall include, but not determine, tribal disputes notwithstanding,

Ejection:

Ejection shall be defined as one party�s ejection of the other party. Ejection is the removal of the other person from the marital home. Ejection need not be by force to be prohibited by this agreement. Ejection may be demonstrated by removal of the other party�s personal property from the marital home, the changing of the locks, or the mere demand by one party that the other party leave the marital home.

Habitual drunkeness or drug intoxication:

Habitual drunkeness or drug intoxication, whether criminal or not and whether the result of an illness or not is prohibited. Habitual drunkeness or drug intoxication shall be deemed to include a party�s being under the influence of alchohol, voodoo/ju-ju ritual or drugs to a noticeable or perceptable degree more often than ___ days per month.

It is specifically agreed and understood that becoming physically or mentally ill is not prohibited conduct. The other party�s becoming physically or mentally ill is not, in itself, prohibited by this contract and cannot be the basis for seeking a remedy under this contract.

It is specifically agreed and understood that becoming financially poor is not prohibited conduct.

Native Acts and Customs:

Native acts and customs, whether through latent or explicit appeal to witchdoctors, ju-ju dolls, wicker man adultery & etc, or other same such local actions are prohbited. in so far that they contradict the Christian terms of this contract, in reference to: fertility, extravagant sexual congress, pagan rituals or any kind with or without animal sacrifice. V. To Whom Appeal is Made

The first appeal, when one party believes the other party has violated the prohibitions above, shall be in accordance with Matthew 18: 15-18, that is, the offended party shall take the matter to the accused party.

If no resolution results from the first appeal, may demand physical separation from the accused party. See �The remedies� below.

If no resolution results from the first appeal, the offended party shall take the matter to the accused party with two or three impartial witnesses. Members of either party�s family are not impartial, neither are friends of either or both parties.

If no resolution results, the offended party shall call for a 1 Corinthians 6: 1-5 panel to judge the matter. Such a panel shall be conducted strictly in accordance with biblical guidelines in 1 Corinthians 6: 1-5. The panel shall consist of three bishops or deacons (�elders�) of the Christian church who are in conformity with 1 Timothy 3: 1-13. Each party shall choose one of two elders from the church at which the parties have been attending within the last year (or one from each church, if the parties attend different churches). A third elder shall be chosen by agreement between the other two. If the accused party refuses to select an elder, then the elder selected by the offended party shall select two other impartial elders for the panel.

The proceedings of the panel shall be recorded to whatever extent possible.

The standard of proof shall be preponderance of the evidence.

If a party is found to be at fault, the panel shall render a decision in writing concerning separation or divorce, concerning financial support, and concerning physical custody of the children.

All decisions of a 1 Corinthians 6 panel shall be binding upon the parties for permanent separation or divorce.

The prevailing party shall file a civil action in state court to memorialize and publish the 1 Corinthians 6 panel�s decision. The non-prevailing party specifically agrees to allow the prevailing party to win a default judgment in the civil action in state court or to pay the prevailing party�s attorney fees incurred in the civil action in state court.

VI. The Remedies

Resolution and reconciliation:

Resolution and reconciliation shall be defined as counsel from godly ministers, of sound mind and character and believers in the Word of God, in any attempt to resolve circumstances and issues related to any violation of the above prohibitions.

Separation:

Separation shall be defined as the leaving of or removal of one party at the demand of another party based upon allegation(s) of violation(s) of the contractual prohibitions above. Where physical separation is initiated, the accused party shall leave the domicile, especially where children are part of the household. Upon separation, all financial support customarily made by the accused party, shall continue. Physical custody of any children shall remain with the offended party. The separation demanded, unless otherwise agreed upon or ordered, shall last no longer than 90 days unless the allegation(s) are verified by preponderance of the evidence before either a 1 Corinthians 6 hearing or in a state court of law. Resolution and reconciliation may proceed by mutual agreement. Upon a showing that the allegation(s) of contractual prohibitions are true, either to a 1 Corinthians 6 panel or a state court, the separation will be deemed permanent, subject to future consideration, resolution, and reconciliation initiated by the prevailing party. In the event of permanent separation, all the usual and customary financial support for the household, including any children, provided by the non-prevailing party shall continue unabated. The prevailing party, may, under the laws of the state of residency, file with the state for a civil separation. The non-prevailing party shall not contest the civil separation, the support agreements herein, or the child custody agreements herein in state court.

Divorce:

Divorce shall be defined as the complete dissolution of this marriage contract and may only be sought by a party claiming and showing a violation of the contractual provisions against adultery, abandonment, or abortion. Initial separation shall follow the procedure above. Financial support shall follow the procedure describes in the separation section above. After trial to a 1 Corinthians 6 panel, the prevailing party may, if a state marriage license has been obtained, file for a civil dissolution in state court.

VII. Witnesses and abuse of process

If the 1 Corinthians 6: 1-5 panel determines by clear and convincing evidence that a party has been untruthful or has induced a witness to be untruthful in any proceeding before the panel, said party shall be deemed guilty of abandonment.

If the panel deems that a party has repeatedly engaged the process without just cause, that party shall be deemed guilty of abandonment. For purposes of this paragraph, �repeatedly� shall be no fewer than three times.

The undersigned party do hereby agree to the terms of this contract.

___________________________ _________________________
Husband
MALE APPLICANT FOR CONSENT

The undersigned do hereby witness the agreement of the party.

___________________________ _________________________

Witness Witness Subscribed before me this ____ day of __________ , 200__ .

ISSUED THIS DAY 28TH APRIL TWO THOUSAND AND SIX in humble merkin troth by ME, MICHAEL MONTAGUE BARRYMORE, HER MAJESTIES COMMONWEALTH COMMISSIONER OF OATHS

BARRYMORE

Michael Barrymore AASA, DFC,
Solicitor at Law
2645 Gooliepully Road
Stringalonga, TOCUMWAL,NSW,2714
Phone: (02) 9298 3777
Fax: (02) 9298 3780

Quote:

My Dearest (MUM)HM.Princess Margret,

I have just received the esteemed favoured BETHROTHAL & MARRIAGE AOTH Document from Mr M. Barrymore and the contents therein noted with care. In compliance with,please I request for some few days to undersigned the aforesaid documemt these because the computer system and scanning machine here in our office in Guinea Bissau is very bad as to handle such document in the circumstance I have to search for a good machine to do the vital work therein. I hope Princess Candy has a copy of the said document.

Mum,please I would like you to educate and feed me with more information and clarification in this regard as to avoid any mistake here-off.

Furtheremore, update me as to know other requirements if needed be.

I hence-forth expect your urgent response

Faithfully Yours

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I will do my best to help you, of course. It is important you are given what you deserve.

Which aspect of the document is causing you trouble? I don't know if it can be provided but perhaps we have an early reader version I can send? I imagine Mr Barrymore will also want a picture of yourself as bethrothal applicant, something dignified in ermine?

Margaret
Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco

Quote:

"My Dearest Princess Margaret"

Thanks for your warm response practically there is nothing that troubles me in this regard all I wanted is your directives in any form.

I will do whatever that pleases you my Dearest (Mum).

Any other way you can render me an assistance, please convey your reaction immediately.

Yours Care.

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

My Dear Prince

We await the return of the Betrothal document as a matter of urgency now as we really need to get on with this affair. I have taken the liberty of optioning an early date in August for the wedding ceremony in Westminster Cathedral, but nothing can come of these plans unless you stop dragging your feet in this matter.

Kindly do us all a favour here at the Palace and hurry along now.

MARGARET
Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco

Quote:

Dearest (Mum)HM,Princess Margret,

There is problem with www.37.com of with which I have been trying to view mail but to no avail please let me know if you have receive the document I sent yesterday update me of next step.

Please help to make some corrections therein.

Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh.

Quote:

Dear Prince Emanual

Her Majesty has been absent for a few days as part of her annual duties officiating for the Smegaroon Chavster Cup but will no doubt respond to your message upon her return.

How is the weather in your part of the world? It is raining here and the vimto crop has done badly. I imagine your own locale, with its tradition of mud bricks and straw outfits, would also suffer badly in such circumstances?

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

FOR THE ATTENTION OF UNCLE SIR MARMITE

Sir,

Please help to confirm if the document I sent to HM, has been received?.

There is problem with www.37.com with which I have been trying to view mails but to no avail please kindly address mails with this email box.

Please help to address this issue with the best of your ability.

Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.

Regards

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

"My Dearest Princess Margaret"

Thanks for your warm response practically there is nothing that troubles me in this regard all I wanted is your directives in any form.

I will do whatever that pleases you my Dearest (Mum).

Any other way you can render me an assistance, please convey your reaction immediately.

Yours Care.

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I am not sure what you are doing. Please submit the Betrothal Oath as soon as possible, as a 300 dpi attachment: signed, witnessed as required. The requirements are simplicity itself I would have thought, even for one with the merest educational standards. Mr Barrymore and I grow impatient to see this stage in the nuptials concluded as soon as possible. Candice has a number of other suitors and your opportunity to make this excellent accomodation with Us is slipping by.

I have approached the Archbishop of Smegaroon, Sir Marion Morrison, for a marriage licence and all is otherwise going ahead.

MARGARET
Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC

Quote:

My dearest Uncle Sir Marmite,

Thanks for your response I have been wondering as I have not hear from HM,as regard to the Matrimonial document in which I have signed as requested.

However, How about my wife I hope she is ok, please I would like to hear from her soonest as to know her present condition.

Please if there is any mistake in the said document, please do correct me tell her majesty to respond to me as soon as she is back I'm longing to hear from her as a matter of urgency.

Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.

Prince

Quote:

Dear Prince Em.,

I have not perused your submission in detail. I would say that as long as it is returned completed and duly witnessed there should be no difficulty in it bringing the desired results.

Incidentally, Princess Candice has asked me, ahem, to enquire on a little matter of a somewhat personal matter, one perhaps most easily broached between men of the world. Would this be acceptable? You know what these excitable young women are like, they do have their gossip and sewing room tittle-tattle to be satisfied.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

Dear Sir Marmite,

Please try to be more specific, what type of personal matter do you require?, please update me soonest.

Preferable to hear from Candy.

Regards
Prince

Quote:

Dear Prince

Come, come sir. I quite understand if you wish to draw a veil over any of your proclivities, but rest assured that any information will remain strictly between us as men of the world.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

Dear Sir Marmite,

I still don't comprehend the eyes of what you meant,please try to be specific and go straight to the point.

Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.

Prince

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

This topic is, ahem, rather delicate, and revolves round your efficacy in creating a royal heir.

Need I make it clearer? I do not wish to embarrass you sir.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

My Dearest Mum,

Please find attach for your perusal action, please go through the document let me know some error to be corrected also let me know the type of picture that needed wether full picture or passport size?.

Please mum, try to bear with me don't be angry.

Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.

Prince Emmanuel

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I'm afraid Mr Barrymore called me last night to confirm that this document of yours just won't do at all. Where is the witnesses' signature, the accompanying photograph and all the other whatnots which are clearly required?

Please, if you wish to take your bethrothal to our beloved Candice seriously, as you know we all do here, make more of a show to complete the formalities. This is not child's play my good man.

Now pop off and do things properly there's a good Prince.

MARGARET
Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

What progress with the Oath of Bethrothal? We are keen to make headway and you seem to be less keen than before. We are very concerned.

MARGARET
Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC

Quote:

Ms Tushie Meshuganah 12 May 2006

Dear Prince Emmanuelle,

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret has asked me to send you some cash from our funds for deserving indigents because she believes you are embarrassed to tell her that you are short of funds before your forthcoming marriage to Princess Candice of Windsor.

Would five thousand US dollars be of use ?

Remain blessed,
TUSHIE MESHUGANAH
The Holy Bagel Community
www.freewebs.com/tushiem/

Quote:

"Marmite Luny-Binns"

In order to accomplish this goal, you should urgently remove my personal data from internet with which you hung therein.

The said information is causing a lot of problems for me as soon as this is done we can then swing into the viatl action.

Note, United Nations community is already aware of the on-going issues of ours .

Regards
Prince

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I am not sure what you mean. I thought your troublesome and somewhat exaggerated entry on GayFriendsAfrica.com had been taken down already?

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

Quote:

To: Sir Marmite
Subject: Pls Quit from me,ok,also from Gay affairs
Date: Sat, 20 May 2006

In view of fact and substance,thanks for letting me know what u are up to, that u are Gay, as such I suggest u quit from me,ok, hence it seem that that what u are.
If that what u are looking from me, just have at the back of your mind that u have dig ur grave,ok. I have noted that u are not a responsible someone as such , u will reap what u have sown.

Note, Iam a Nigeria, from a responsible traditional Royal family apart from traditional ordinance, we are fully engulfed with christainity ordinance,ok.

Note, I have no business or any thing to do with homesexual if that what u are,ok.

Iam a human right activist, I have Voluntarily Served UN-for some years now in the light of this, I have notified to the United Nations community about your activities toward the vineyard of humanity.

It's better as u have let me know fully whom u are, hence all what u wish is to dent and destroy my reputation as such , u will face the consquences and your kingdom shall fall.

I have never defrauded any body in my life either does anybody complained to you that i have defrauded him or her?, so why should my image be tarnished?.

Have u ever or anybody from ur end sent any money to me for anything or whatever?.

I sent a proposal to HM-Princess Margret, appealing for fund as to enhance the effectiveness of my organization which is dully registered by the Government of the Gambia therein you people turn me down, what should be the reason why my personal information should be hung on internet as a fraudstat?, whereby you have never sent anymoney to me thereafter noted that is a fraud?.

Note, we all knows the law ,ok,if u people thinks u can use a first class citizen of Nigeria for granted, assuredly, u have dig ur grave,ok. I have all the record of everything u do and note that there is Nigerian Community in UK all aware of ur imput and output,ok.

If there is any way in which I prince Emmanuel had have contravened the law of nature as such, I can face the panalty but hence I have never committed any offence with you people ever since we came to knew each other either do u have any cogent evidence to establish your motion therein, then act of human law have to be maitained with due respect.

Note, Iam not a kind of man u might think I'm,ok, Iam not a Gay hence u are looking for such,ok, I suggest u quit from such before is too late for u,ok.

Therefore ur communication should be coded,ok, Iam not a party to your mission,ok.

As I have ascertained the kind of perosn u are,sincerely I can never do any thing with in my life.

Try to repent from your sins,ok

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I am afraid that I am at a loss to understand this peculiar and distracting outburst.

What was in fact alluding to in my previously communication was nothing to do with own position (I am in fact vigorously attracted to the fairer sex, as my personal doctor, Dr Harold Shipman can testify).

My, perhaps too delicately phrased, questioning of you was to establish two facts which need to confirmed before any marriage of this import can continue:

1. Are you, Prince Emmanuelle potent and healthy (do you have an authenticated sperm count for instance)
2. Have you, or are you, undertaking illicit liaisons with ladies of the night, second cousins and the like, the existence of which relations might be likely to cause Princess Candy any infections, secondary or otherwise?

However Sir since you have been unable to answer these simple questions to our satisfaction, and indeed have seen fit not to complete the standard Oath of Bethrothal as per HRHs instructions, I shall sadly recommend that this affair is not taken any further. Candice is highly eligible, as you should know and we have one or two other suitors who willing to offer their hand in marriage.

Where disreputable native lotharios play fast and loose with our family it is really quite too much, let along to stand being accused by yourself of homosexuality, a state of affairs which has never darkened our family record since the unfortunate Prince Cuthbert died a few years back in Algeria.

Regards
MARMITE

Quote:

To Marmite:

As I intimated you before, you can go-ahead and marry princess candy. I have ascertained that you are not a responsible mansociety of the world view today either do you have any cultivated farm of life?.

Iam a health sound young man of 20�s if u needed to confirmed my medical document thenuch request should be made in simple respectable way your manner of approach is repulgnant to the naturally justice as you are no doubt aware there is alot of fishes in the sea in my country Nigeria , a lot of healthy and waelthy princess longing to have people like me,ok, in either side , what is the educational background of Princess Candy?.

I have been to your country severally o I knew much more about you if you are looking for material to use, sorry Iam practically not the type of man you might think I�m if you try any thing stupid around me, you will regret why God create you on this earth.

Please stop disturbing my life,ok, Iam a Nigeria from a responsible home,ok, you can�t use egg to break a rock.

Iam giving you a limb time to remove all my information that you hung on the internet, if u don�t remove them, you watch out and see who is who in this world.
I will be attend the world submit held in New york thereafter I will come down to UK with my delegates.

I wish you and your wife Candy the very best marriage.

As u are no doubt aware, the former president of USA-Bill Willaims Clinton is my God father of which the daughtter is my close friend, as such, we can as well cement the relationship to bear its juice.

Quote:

Dear Prince

Once again I am at a loss to understand your attitude. If you are unable to maintain sexual congress with women, either for physical or psychological reasons, then it is reasonable that we discover this before any nuptials. My enquiry was in fact based on compiled news reports from your part of the world where, one learns, sexual infection is rife and the incidence of underage relations is frequent, especially between relatives from the same tribe. I may also add that statistics from the commonwealth medical office paint an alarming figure of physical decreptitude in the young males investigated, instances of potency inhibition most keenly shown in an undue shrivelling of the member - symptoms undoubtedly caused by strong drink and ritual self abuse.

Incidentally I do not know why you suggest I should marry Princess Candice, as we are too closely related and the age difference between us would rule out anything more than official connection.

In regards to Princess Candice's educational record, I need say no more than she has attended Peter Stringfellow's College, one of the most highly sought after centres of female academia in the country.

MARMITE
Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC

At this, the Princes' mail box abruptly closed. If anything else develops in this royal romance, I will post it – LT

Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 7:18 pm

He's back, this time with a new title ...

Quote:

My Dearest Uncle Marmite,

How are you and your family�s health generally?,I have been trying to reach you on your telephone number-(+44) (0)20 7930 4832
but to no avail [Buckingham Palace switchboard] .Please
I want to know the present situation of my wife Princess Candy?, I have
written to her severally but no response, what is going on over?.

Iam presently in Kuwait on 5-days Arab youth conference held in safat
-Kuwait city I will be going back to Africa next week then I will arrange
to finally come to UK for my wife marriage ceremony.

Please update me to know her present situation my heart is rottenly
tottered because of her I cannot sleep or eat sincerely I don�t know what
is going on please address this issue with utmost confort,ok.

Regards

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh
National Chancellor
International Association of Educators for World Peace.

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmanuelle

I am surprised at hearing from you again so shortly after the tones by which you previously addressed me.
Here I was, merely trying to ascertain your fitness as a husband, and with some initial delicacy in the matter I may add,
when you erupted creating quite an unbecoming account of yourself.
Your surliness did your romantic suit no favours at all, I can assure you of that.

In so far as progress towards any nuptials are concerned then I believe we still await your satisfactory return of the Bethrothal Oath
as a next,
vital, main step. When can this be expected? I know that our man Barrymore was less than impressed by your original documentation,
so much so indeed that it called your seriousness into doubt. Then there is the question of you disappearing in and out of our collective view,
as you light out of things like rabbit in a run.

Kindly attend to the awaited formality as a matter of urgency and we will
see what can be done once again.

You should also be aware sir, that Princess Candice is now, on my
encouragement, entertaining the affections of other suitors, several of whom are considerably more fervent and reliable than yourself.

We remain sir,

MARMITE

Quote:

My Dearest Uncle Marmite,

How are you and your family�s health generally?,I have been trying to reach you on your telephone number-(+44) (0)20 7930 4832 but to no avail.Please I want to know the present situation of my wife Princess Candy?, I have written to her severally but no response, what is going on over?.

Iam presently in Kuwait on 5-days Arab youth conference held in safat -Kuwait city I will be going back to Africa next week then I will arrange to finally come to UK for my wife marriage ceremony.

Please update me to know her present situation my heart is rottenly tottered because of her I cannot sleep or eat sincerely I don�t know what is going on please address this issue with utmost confort,ok.

Regards

Prince Emmanuel Awuruh

Quote:

Prince Emmanuelle

As I have patiently explained sir, we still await satisfactory reply of your Oath of Bethrothal. You can hardly blame Candice for her increasing dillusionment in such circumstances. If you were a sincerely doting suitor for her fair hand then such formalities would be instantly attended to. Instead we get a stream of excuses and delays, interspersed with such moaning and whining about your lack of progress in the matter of romance which hardly becoming a man of your stature.

I suggest that you:

a. return the requested oath, correctly presented, as already requested by myself and Mr Barrymore
b. make further apology, without delay, for your manner and lackadaisical attitude towards the intended nuptials to HRH Princess Margaret and your intended bride.
c. Adopt a more urgent, convincing and keenly anticipatory tone towards the business in hand. You are not landing some native floozy here, but an heir to the throne sir.

In the meantime, until we are fully satisfied that you have attended to your considerably shortfalls in every department, I will tell Candice that our preference for a suitor lies elsewhere, specifically the very encouraging attentions now being made by Prince Lautfart. I must admit she has developed something of a weakness for your own claims but I must be cruel to be kind.

MARMITE

Quote:

Dear Mr.

I have now came to understand your determination just to tarnish my image just because I�m a Nigeria, as such, just note that nobody joke with a lion and go free therefore , you have started unfinished batle.

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S, HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO PROCEED WITH SUCH RELATIONSHIP?.

Quote:

Dear Prince Emmaneulle

I really must apologise. It seems that our kindly Mr Tossov, still inwardly upset at your refusal to take advantage of his offer of a new suit and pants in line with your anticipated visit, has taken it upon himself to slander you so on several sites. Incidentally, have you seen your entry I AM GAY LOVE KING OF AFRICA on Africanfriendfinder.com? Is that really your picture?

I will have words with the fellow, rest assured and see what can be done. The last thing we want is for people to get the wrong idea about you.

MARMITE

Not quite a Newb Joined: 04 Mar 2004 Posts: 22

Wonderful work, sir!

Team Go Munglers! will raise a bottle of Asahi for you in the karaoke bar.

Posted: Thu Aug 24, 2006 10:55 pm

... AND... HE'S BACK!

Quote:

My dearest Baby Princess Candy,[EMBEDDED IMAGE OF A ROSE]

How ar u?, I write to air to your attention that my heart is being
troubled bcos of u.

I knew I had have offended u severally, please can u forgive me?

Looking forward to hearing from u soonest.

Prince Emmanuel

Quote:

Hiya Prince

I no u dnt luv me anemore (((((((

I still go clubin but its not the same now u broke my heart k.

CX

Quote:

My Dearest Princess Candy,

Iam very sorry for whatever happened,ok, sincerely I don�t know the cause.

However, i�m back to Africa and i have resigned from the UN- Voluntary programme with which I signed for.

Purpose of this resignation is to enable me fully focus all my attention on you as to kick the ball rolling as being expected to.

Meanwhile, I wish to know if u have forgiven me whole heartedly?.

Iam now ready any time any day to come over to UK- upon the approval of your parent,ok.

Please send me ur current pictures upon ur reply,ok.

Let me know when u normally be online so that we can chat,ok.

Please kindly extend my greetings to ur mum,ie, our beloved (mum)Princess Margret)

Yours Care

Prince Emmanuel

Quote:

Hey Prince Em

wat!!! u mean u stil wan 2 cum to the UK an that?????

Dat wuld be soo weird!!

Quote:

My Dearest Princess,

What do u think?, do u want me to come to uk? or can u come to meet me in
Nigeria?

PLease let me know what u have in mind,ok, whatever u want me to do, is what I
must do for u,ok.

Looking forward to hearing from you soonest.

Yours care

Prince Emmanuel

Quote:

Dear Prince Em

i dont no wat 2 say k i am very confused. do u relly relly stil like me
then? Also wat will Uncle M say wen he nos as he thinks ur a crook k and i
almost going 2 b married to Prince Lautfart of Belgium. i met him last week
an he is kinda cute i gess!

i am not sure if i can cum to ur place anehow as i dont thnk am not old
enuff to do that k.

C x

Sent with another blossoming red rose as an embedded GIF..

Quote:

My Dearest Princess Candy,

Please don't be confused ,ok, I�m here for u, all I want u to know is that I really love u with whole heart, ever since we came to know each other I have took my ample time to studied more about u and I have now came into conclussion that I must wear u the garment of love that u deserve,ok.

Note, marriage is not a friendship that someone would just jump into without knowing who is who this the reason why most marriage don�t last long bcos of lack of understanding between the two parties I hope u must have understand me better by now?, this is really reason I took my time to be sure of whom I have to entrust my love to.

Whatever had have happened between us should be forgotten,ok, I have came to know that we are really meant for each other so, don�t be confuse or downcasted anymore,ok.

However, Uncle Marmite and our (Mum) Princess Margret has no problem they understand me very well and they are ready to put things in good places for us therefore every thing is in our hands whatver u wanted now, must be done .

You should let me know the sentiment in your heart as we have reached to the last step, shall we go -ahead or not?.

Upon your urgent response, I will contact Uncle Marmite and Mum for further arrangement in our favor in the proposition send the relevant Marriaege document alongwith other document that being required for me to send as to put in place the relevant infrastructures that would enhance the effectiveness of this issue.

Looking Forward to Hearing from You Soonest.
Yours Care

Prince Emmanuel

Quote:

Hiya Prince Em

k then u best rite to them again & c what dey say k?

I cant relly keep chatin 2 u even tho havin a secret is cool. also i may be getting married to Prince Lautfart soon k!!!! i no he will be vv crazy if he nos i am chatting 2 u as he thinks he is the 1 for me and we have had chats on dat stuff an the like k??

u rite and we shall c.

I went clubbin last nite an was out to 2 am!!!! kool eh

C xx

Is he out for the good?

Quote:

Dear Princess,

I wish u the best of happy marriage union with Prince Lautfart.

Bye

Prince

Quote:

Hey Prince

dont get sore k he is takin care of me like u neva did k??? also he relly likes clubin.

hey do u wan cum 2 de weddin it is Westminster Abbey in December i have asked Uncle M and he sey yes u can stay wiv us an everything, but u have to hav a clean suit?
also there may be clubin afta.

C xx

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