My first true slap. Critiques welcome (Kudos rewarded...)

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Posted: Thu Apr 13, 2006 6:25 am

While trying to lend aid to a poor, down-trodden, doctor in Indonesia, I was introduced to a 'diplomat' of the security company that was holding his family fortune. After a couple of requests for documentation and id were ignored, I received this:

ATTN

MR ***** I WANT YOU TO KNOW THE WORK OF A DIPLOMA,WHAT YOUR ASKING IS NOT MY DUTY, MY DUTY AS A DIPLOMANT IS TO DELIVER YOUR CONSIGNMENT.

NB
YOU ARE NOT PAYING ME ,YOUR PAYING YOUR CREARANCE FEE TO ************ SECRUITY COMPANY NOT ME,I HAVE NO BUSSINESS WITH YOU NETHER MR ********.MY BUSINESS WITH YOU IS TO DELIVER YOUR CONSIGNMENT WHEN TIME REACH.

THANKS
*********

I replied with the following:

MR ******!

YOU ARE THE ASSIGNED REPRESENTATIVE OF ******* SECURITY AS INDICATED IN YOUR INITIAL E-MAIL TO ME ON 10 APRIL, 2006. YOU, MR. ******, ARE REQUESTING THAT I REMIT MONIES IMMEDIATELY TO ****** SECURITY, OF WHICH YOU, MR. ******, ARE IT'S DESIGNATED REPRESENTATIVE!

AS A CONDITION OF SAID MONIES BEING RELEASED, MR ******, I AM REQUESTING REASONABLE, FAIR AND JUST DOCUMENTATION OF THIS BUSINESS TRANSACTION AS WELL AS INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED PHOTO IDENTIFICATION OF WHOM I AM DEALING WITH, NAMELY YOU! AS A MAN OF BUSINESS (A FACT I AM NOW STARTING TO DOUBT), YOU SHOULD DAMN WELL KNOW THAT I AM FULLY WITHIN MY RIGHTS TO DEMAND FAR, FAR MORE DOCUMENTATION, INCLUDING PROPERLY NOTORIZED FORMS FROM YOUR NATION'S GOVERNMENT!

IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO CONFORM TO EVEN THE MOST BASIC INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS PRACTICES, WHICH IS INDEED YOUR JOB, THEN I SUGGEST YOU REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THESE DEALINGS AND HAVE ****** SECURITY ASSIGN SOMEONE WHO IS CAPABLE OF SHOWING EVEN THE SLIGHTEST AMOUNT OF COMPETENCE!

AT THIS MOMENT, MR. ******, I AM SO FURIOUS WITH YOU, THAT I DON'T CARE IF THAT CONSIGNMENT SITS IN INDONESIA UNTIL HELL FREEZES OVER! MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT IT'S POOR DR. ****** THAT WILL ULTIMATELY BE PAYING FOR YOUR GROSS INCOMPETENCE. YES, MR. ******, AT THIS MOMENT DR. ******'S FATE IS IN YOUR HANDS, AND IT WILL BE YOU ANSWERING TO GOD SHOULD SOMETHING HAPPEN TO HIM DUE TO YOUR NEGLIGENCE.

NOT ONE DOLLAR, QUARTER, NICKEL, DIME OR PENNY WILL BE PAID BY ME TO ****** SECURITY UNTIL MY CONCERNS ARE ADDRESSED WITH THE SUBMISSION OF THE REASONABLE DOCUMENTATION AND IDENTIFICATION THAT I AM REQUESTING; SCANNED AND E-MAILED! THIS, MR. ******, IS WHAT WE IN THE BUSINESS WORLD CALL A 'DEAL BREAKER', AND IT IS NOT NEGOTIABLE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN, MAN! THIS IS THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY, EVEN IN INDONESIA. GET IT DONE.

ON A FURTHER NOTE, MR. ******, I SUGGEST THAT IF YOU EVER DARE TO RESPOND TO ANY OF MY CORRESPONDENCE IN THE INSULTING, OBNOXIOUS AND ARROGANT MANNER THAT YOU HAVE JUST DEMONSTRATED, THEN ALL BUSINESS DEALINGS WILL CEASE IMMEDIATELY.

CONDUCT YOURSELF ACCORDINGLY

MR. ******

I followed this letter up with one to the good doctor telling him that it appeared the deal was starting to go sour due to a lack of cooperation from his sockpuppet, and that if he had any influence at all with this man, that now was the time to use it.

Incidentally, they know I have the money ready to go. Anybody figure there's a chance he'll back down and get the docs and ID I want, or did I lay it on too thick?

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 4:06 pm

With huge slaps like those, one of three things will happen:
1. They will get pissed and send a threatening letter
2. They will stop e-mailing you
3. They will get on their knees and grovel, begging you to forgive them

Posted: Sat Apr 15, 2006 8:17 pm

cottinghamk wrote:

With huge slaps like those, one of three things will happen:
1. They will get pissed and send a threatening letter
2. They will stop e-mailing you
3. They will get on their knees and grovel, begging you to forgive them

Gazing into my crystal ball, i see....
It'll be Number 3... Very Happy

Posted: Sun Apr 16, 2006 7:31 pm

Actually, what happened is...

They went straight back to the original script (when you going send money!). After a day on the script I told them they had 24 hours to comply or I would send them a scan of a ripped up money order in the amount they asked for. Every time they wrote me after that I would just reply with 'You have X hours left'.

At the end of the deadline, I sent them a scan of a money order for $3460 ripped into tiny, little pieces (but with one piece just large enough for them to see the amount). All of a sudden scambag #1 promised to have scambag #2 fired and replaced with someone more cooperative.

I'm still waiting to see what happens here.

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