Woodentop Woodrow and Her Royal Highness

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Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 11:45 am

Dear Mr Woodrow

Visa Application

I have been informed by Her Gracious Majesty Princess Margaret that you wish to make an extra ordinary visa application.

I would be obliged if the details of the applicant(s) could be forwarded to this office as soon as possible, in order for matters to be processed.

Sincerely yours

MARMITE

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC
Regis Court Chamberlain
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
0909 674 4848
http://www.freewebs.com/sirmarmite/index.htm

Not quite a Newb Joined: 07 Mar 2006 Posts: 35

I like the bait, good work. The messed up message order makes this a bit hard to read. It's frustrating to scroll up and down all the time to follow the conversation.

Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2006 9:25 pm

Dear Brant

I thank you for your message, just received, and I hope I manage to dictate this quick reply before I am off to see the Archbishop of Canterbury, discussing next week's episcopal jumble sale at the Cathedral.

Good gracious my dear chap, you do ask a lot of questions! In regards to your enquiry about preferred national cuisine, outside of traditional British fare I suppose I enjoy Irish food the most. I remember how absoloutely delicious, only a few weeks ago, was the poteen and guinness I had whilst on a royal visit to Blarney. It quite cheered me up on a cold day and Sir Marmite had seconds. I also have been known to order frogs legs at the Savoy, as the chef there does a quite remarkable French menu, with absolutely none of the ridiculous franco-frippery poor old Chirac puts out at his banquets, I must say. I can't help you with the distance to Edinburgh - why on earth do you want to know? Don't you fellows have atlases? - although I am sure you can look it up. While I do, as it happens, make frequent trips to the city (to see my brother the Thane of Cawdor), this is either by plane or in more leisurely moments I just let my chaffeur take care of the mileage calculations if we need take the BMW for a jaunt.

The role of the Commonwealth is very important, as you suggest, in assisting in world peace. So many of the chappies in the former colonies have little or no idea of decent government, what with all the rioting, and scams or politicians in and out like revolving doors going on out there, all we can do to help, in our modest way, must be a good thing, don't you think? One reason why we want to see you dealt with so comprehensively.

Now, on to more important matters and I must admit I am alarmed that you have apparently not yet sent your Oath to Mr Barrymore, as he assures me that certainly none has been received. Do have the correct address for his office? Please take the time and trouble to resend it asap, as we need to get the modalities on the move now. The smell of your muck in the guards parade ground is getting quite unbrearable by the way. Only yesterday I heard how some American lady tourists almost fainted there, right in front of the sacks, after losing their way back from the changing of the guard and it took Sgt Major Rorke O'Drift all his time to get them back on their feet and off to their ghastly liittle coach park, which is right down the embankment by McDonalds. Not good for image at all, that sort of thing.

I am naturally delighted that things are do so well at your end and let us hope matters proceed just as smoothly here. Please let me know as soon as the Oath has been sent,there's a good chap as this is proving rather a fly in the ointment, don't you know.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: Her Royal Highness
>Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 16:13:46 +0000 (GMT)
870 751 5170
>
> Hello Her Highness
>
>Thanks for sending the email.
> I really appreciate it.
> I was just coming back from the creek.
> We facilitated a negotiation between a oil company and a oil producing community.
> Both the firm and the community reached an agreement.
> In the afternoon our team also visited a community deep in the delta area.
> They invited us to inspect the activities of Oil exploration firm and Lumbering activities going.
> Our team will be back to the place tomorrow.Most of the communities in the area are accesed by spead boats.
> I know you must be a good hunter.
> Just take time not to do much work.Though you're working to serve humanity.
> Almighty God will surely bless you.
> I'll appreciate Cardigan add a Light Horse Brigade beret in the container as a souvenir.
> I will send the data of the visa applicants directly to Sir Marmite Luny-Bins.
> Our Child dedication thanksgiving was successful.
> My wife worked all through and all the invited guests were happy.I thank God for it.We have been praying for a successful child dedication.God has finally answered our prayers.
> Kindly tell Mr Barrymore to approve the Oath of Allegiance to The House Of Windsor.
> Her Highness kindly instruct Cardigan to send the fertilizer.
> Everything depends on you.
> What is the distance between London and Edinburgh?
> What is your favourite cuisine in europe exempting Great Britain?
> Do you have any opinion on the role the Commonwealth will play to reduce poverty and civil strife in most of the former colonies?
> Her Highness I'll be off now.
> From all of us over here.
> We wish you God's GuIdance ,wisdom and Joy.
> Brant Woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>
>
>

Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 9:21 am

Brant Woodrow <[email protected]> wrote:

How are you doing?
I am very to receive the email.
I'm still waiting for authorization from Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret Duchess of Great Tesco.
You did not respond to questions in my first email.
I'll be expecting to hear from you.
Best Wishes
Brant
WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

CHAVSTER,MANFRED & NEWMAN INC

21 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow,

Thank you for your e-mail.

What questions do you wish to raise ? I am just waiting for the authorisation from Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret to send you the money which as requested will be paid in Canadian dollars to your nominated bank account.

Yours truly,

MELODIE FENWICK

Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 10:18 am

To: Mr Brant Woodrow

Re: OATH OF TEMPORARY ALLEGIANCE - NON COMPLIANCE
Woodrow Conservative Initiative
# 1SA-CNT E.R. (Elizabeth II Regis)

WHEREAS PRINCESS MARGARET has asked that I invest you with the OATH OF TEMPORARY ALLEGIANCE to the House of Windsor in this instance, I have to report this day the NON ARRIVAL of the requisite documentation. Your reply and compliance is required urgently.

Please NOTE that in the instance of said vimtos nomenclature, a prompt assignment of Oath is essential.

This note issued in full quim note of orders in council 34:419 1989,1992 pertaining.

HRH PRINCESS MARGARET is informed, our said action in abeyance as per this notification.

Yours & etc

Michael Barrymore AASA, DFC,
HER MAJESTYS COMMONWEALTH COMMISSIONER OF OATHS
2645 Gooliepully Road
Stringalonga, TOCUMWAL,NSW,2714
Phone: (02) 9298 3777
Fax: (02) 9298 3780

Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 12:17 pm

Dear Brant

I have had a message from Mr Barrymore and it seems that your Oath has still not arrived. If you send it again, then he will be looking for it when his office opens first thing later. Things have been busy at the Gooliepully office I know, what with the Games and whatnot, but I have asked him to give your matter the highest priority. I am advised that perhaps your original file size was too big and was bounced back? In any case, do hurry along now, there's a good little fellow.

I mentioned your project and its needs to Archbishop Baldrick and he expressed great interest. He promised to include you in his prayers.

Kindest regards

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: HELLO HER ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCESS MARGARET
>Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 22:46:48 +0000 (GMT)
>Hello Her Royal Highness
> Thanks for sending the email.
> I have sent the Oath Of Allegiance to Mr Barrymore on Saturday.
> Tell Mr Barrymore to check his email bulk folder .
> Maybe he deleted the email by error.
> he should also check his trash mail folder.
> I am surprised on what is happening.
> Have a wonderful time.
> I hope your meetng with the Archbishop of Canterbury will be fruitful
> Best Wishes
> Brant Woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>
>

Posted: Tue Mar 21, 2006 1:03 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

My thanks sir, for the delightful pictures. If you wish I can try and find some shots of the lads here on service by way of return. Not much to see, although the Argy-Bargies were good value at the time.

I have to report that your fertilizer is ready for despatch, subject to a green light from Her Majesty when we will be in a go situation. Your souvenir beret is in hand, and some of the men have added an old saddle with their own regimental scribblings of good luck & etc, hope you don't mind.

It is not really for a serving officer to comment on the military or political policies of his superiors, but I understand that it is currently characterised overall by supporting democractic regimes, the aims of NATO and the UN, as well the containment of terrorist elements, that is where called upon. Hope that answers your question sir.

As far as enlistment is concerned sir, be aware that to join us as a Private serving man you must be at least:

Under thirty years of age.
Be a British Citizen or a Commonwealth Citizen.
You must pass the Army enlistment medical; asthema, heart problems, epliepsy and colour blindness are some conditions which may exclude your entry.
Be physically fit enough to run 1.5 miles in under 12 minutes 30seconds.

I hope that helps your friend. More details can be found at http://www.armyjobs.mod.uk/ or by writing to:

Arthur Wellesley,
The Duke of Wellington,
Recruitment Officer
Army Enlistment Office
1815 Waterloo Road
Marshel Blucherville
Smegaroon
URA1 GIT

Kind regards

Brudenell (Commanding)

Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
7th Earl of Cardigan
Commander of Light Horse Brigade
Tennyson Barracks
600 Rode Inn Valley
Smegaroon, UK
UR1 GIT

Tel 44 20 7414 3291

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
>Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 16:34:59 +0000 (GMT)

>Tel 44 20 7414 3291
>
> Thanks for sending the email.
> I have attached some pictures for you as promised.
> I was very busy with our conservation activities.
> I am very happy you have the Open mind for us to become friends.
> I always see soldiers as hard up and tough people.LOL
> My friend will like to get the necessary information to enlist in Her Majesty's armed forces.
> All the western people and lovers of world peace will always encourage the war being prosecuted by the Her majesty's armed forces ,The U.S and the coalition of other nations.Keep it up.
> What is the Position of the Govenment of U.K on nations like Iran, North Korea and Syria?
> Every arrangement has been made to receive the fertilizer over here.Remenber to send the shipping documents to our postal address.
> Send my regards to your family and loved ones.
> Best Wishes
> Brant Woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Posted: Wed Mar 22, 2006 4:20 pm

Dear Brant

I have just got back from the water polo match at St Butlins, and find not one, not two, but three messages in my in box! While I am delighted to hear from you, and appreciate how keen you are to get what is coming to you, I would appreciate it if you would keep your comments to a single detailed account. Your (largely similar) complaints are a little wearisome to have read back to one, especially if one is doing the Telegraph crossword at the same time.

Now then, I have spoken just this moment to Mr Barrymore, a very reliable member of our civil service, who assures me that he has had no Oath from you, merely a simple text message. We really need this document, old thing, if matters can proceed as we all wish. Perhaps you can send the Oath here for me to then send on to Barrymore? It would be rather a fag, but I suppose it would ensure matters are done. Please do not question his seriousness. He is just as earnest in this as I am, rest assured of that.

The meeting with the Archbishop went very well thank you, and he sends his regards.

Have you progressed any futher with the visa application you were planning, by the way? I passed Sir Marmite on the tennis courts this morning and he said you or your friends had not yet made a formal application?

Kind regards

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Duchess of Great Tesco
>Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2006 13:17:00 +0000
>HELLO HER HIGHNESS
>
>I AM REALLY SURPRISED ON WHAT'S HAPPENING.
>
>I HAVE SENT THE OATH AND PICTURES SINCE SATURDAY AFTERNOON TO MICHAEL
>
>MAYBE HE DOES NOT WANT YOU TO EXTEND THE HAND OF ASSISTANCE TO US.
>
>THE MESSAGE WAS DELIVERED TO HIS EMAIL BOX.
>
>THERE WAS NO ISSUE OF FAILURE DELIVERY.
>
>YOU CAN STILL GO AHEAD AND SEND US ANYTHING OF ASSISTANCE.
>
>LET US DO AWAY WITH THE OATH.
>
>I CANNOT JOKE WITH A PERSON LIKE YOU.
>
>Mr. BARRYMORE HAVE QUESTIONS TO ANSWER.
>
>THANKS FOR ALL YOUR EFFORT.
>
>HER HIGHNESS, REMENBER YOUR PROMISE.
>
>CARDIGAN IS WAITING FOR YOUR INSTRUCTION.
>
>I NEVER EXPECTED TO RECEIVE YOUR EMAIL THIS AFTERNOON.
>
>HOW WAS THE MEETING WITH THE ARCHBISHOP?
>
>HAVE A PLEASANT DAY
>
>YOURS SINCERELY
>
>BRANT WOODROW
>

Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:11 am

SIR COLONEL BRUDENELL IS ON MANOEUVRES SIR WITH MOST OF THE MEN LEAVING ME IN A HOLDING POSITION HERE AT BARRACKS SIR CHECKING HIS MAILS AS AUTHORISED DURING ABSENCE OF SUPERIOR OFFICER AS PER REGULATIONS SIR ALTHOUGH I HAVE MANAGED TO SEND DESPATCH TO HIS HQ TO THE EFFECT THAT YOU HAVE MADE CONTACT SIR I FULLY EXPECT A REPLY SHORTLY SIR TRUST THIS IS NOT INCONVENIENT SIR YOUR DUNG IS SECURED HAVE NO WORRIES SIR WE SIMPLY AWAIT SIGNAL FROM HER MAJESTY STAFF TO BEGIN OPERATIONS ALL IN READINESS WITH THE MEN HERE SIR OVER

REGARDS

SGT. MAJOR O'RORKE DRIFT

23/3/2006

PP

COLONEL BRUDENELL
COMMANDER
LIGHT HORSE BRIGADE

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: BRANT WOODROW
>Date: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 08:29:28 +0000
>
>Hello,GoodMorning
>
>I've not heard from you for long.
>
>When should I be expecting the Container?
>
>Remenber to add other souvenirs inside.
>
>How about the pictures you promised?
>
>I am still expecting them.
>
>My daughter's dedication thanksgiving was succesful.
>
>Two of our staff will be in U.K next week.
>
>What is your contact residential address?
>
>I want them to visit you and familiarise themselves with you and possibly send my gift to you.
>
>They intend to be in London to understudy how other conservation groups operate in Great Britain.It will bring improvement to our work over here.
>
>How about your Job in the Armed Forces?
>
>Regards
>
>Yours Sincerely
>
>Brant Woodrow

From : Brant Woodrow <[email protected]>
Reply-To : [email protected]
Sent : 21 March 2006 13:32:42
To : [email protected]
Subject : Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM

Thanks for the email

I really appreciate it.

Kindly write me with a U.K Military address.

I want to have it in this email box.

You are really a soldier with a difference.

I have passed the information on enlisting to my friend.

I was told by Princess Margaret that Mr Barrymore denied the receipt of the Oath of Temporary allegiance to the House of Windsor.

i sent it to the Mr Barrymore on saturday.

I believe that is delaying Princess Margaret from giving orders to send the package.

However send me some other pictures.

I'll really appreciate it.

I may be in U.K after the easter season.

I really appreciate all your effort

God bless you

Brant Woodrow

WOODROW CONSERVATION INTITIATIVE

Posted: Thu Mar 23, 2006 3:57 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

Many thanks for your Oath, just received, and I have forwarded it onto Mr Barrymore. No doubt his staff will make due reply very shortly, as we all know how urgent this matter is by now. Apologies for the delay, but we can only do our best. Please let me know if there is any further delay in this business as sometimes I am a little out of the loop, having so many royal duties to attend to. I am so glad to hear that your other details will shortly be wending their way to our Sir Marmite, who has similarly been instructed to deal with you and yours as a matter of urgency.

As I recline so comfortably here in Doss House, on my chez longue, and with such a lovely view of The Barbara Windsor Gardens, I am reminded of how lucky we all are here, how we ought especially to make every aspect of life easier for those unfortunates in the former colonies. Its a sort of moral duty, one which still lays heavily upon our shoulders I feel. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, and what not. If by giving you a good sorting we can achieve our aims, at least on a small scale, then I feel that at least I have done a my little bit towards the greater good. You will forgive me if I admit that I say with this with a small tear in my eye. I feel quite fiercely that we should all act for the greater good of the planet, yes, even the bits owned by those dreadful Afghans and their vulgar mujahadins.

I shall ask our Press Officer, Lord Bovril to send over some more pictures. Something of Charles, perhaps an informal shot or two should not present too much of a problem as he and that new wife of his are often out and about. Do let me have some more of yourself and your lovely family.

Regards to you all, especially the little one

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: Duchess of Great Tesco
>Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2006 18:59:57 +0000 (GMT)
> Hello Her Highness
> I have sent you the Oath of Temporary Allegiance to the House of Windsor.
> The first message to Mr Barrymore was a email delivery error.
> I am sorry about what happened.
> Her Highness do not get annoyed with me.
> I believe over time you'll get used to my style of writing.
> You do not know how I regards the Royal family of Great Britain.
> I respect them and appreciate all they do.
> I read that Autralians respects and Like the Queen and insists the Country will not be a republic in her lifetime.
> I hope everything will go on fine.
> My colluegues will send the information to Sir Marmite within the Week.
> We have been busy with inspection ,awareness and development over here.
> Her Highness Kindly send me more pictures with the Royalties.Maybe with Prince Charles.I admire Prince Charles.
> I will send more family pictures to you next week.
> I Want it to be in series.My Daughter Brooke Margaret is doing very fine
> Best wishes,Her Royal Highness.
> Yours Sincerely
> Brant Woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>

Posted: Fri Mar 24, 2006 11:08 am

Dear Mr Woodrow

HRH Princess Margaret has lately briefed this department on your application.

Naturally we will be delighted to offer any assistance we can although the terms of the matter are somewhat irregular she assure me that you deserve special treatment.

In order to process your request we will need the passports of Mr. Chukwuemeka Chibuzo Igwebuike
Miss Uche Chiamaka Igwebuike respectively, scanned and sent to us as soon as possible. Do they have the standard UK visa application forms already in hand? These will need to be presented at arrival to avoid delay as I expect you know. If not, I can ask our Mr Lonslo Tossov to get something over to you post haste, as I understand this is, as such, an in extempore charitable matter, and likely to fall under the philanthropic auspices of his office. His help should mean that applications can be fast tracked, but you will have to move quickly. I would do it myself, but am spread a little too thinly at the moment.

MARMITE

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC
Regis Court Chamberlain
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
0909 674 4848
http://www.freewebs.com/sirmarmite/index.htm

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Visa application For Chukwuemeka Igwebuike and Uche Igwebuike
>Date: Thu, 23 Mar 2006 08:21:45 +0000

>
>
>Hello, Goodmorning.
>
>I have been making effort to contact our staff concerned.
>
>Their names are 1. Mr. Chukwuemeka Chibuzo Igwebuike
>
>2. Miss Uche Chiamaka Igwebuike
>
>International passport number ...........................
>
>International passport number ...........................
>
>They intend to secure a visa for a visit in the U.K to learn how other conservation groups operate.They intend to understudy such groups so as to bring improvement to our conservation work here in Nigeria.
>
>They intend to visit next week.
>
>Sir Can you help make a flight reservation for them on BRITISH AIRWAYS OR VIRGIN NIGERIA AIRLINES?
>
>We'll appreciate your little contribution.
>
>Regards
>
>Brant
>
>WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:45 pm

dear mr woodrow

hiya, i work with mr barrymore in the office here and notice that you have not sent a photograph with ur oath, like mr B. says you have to in the standard oath form what we sent you, & which you got i am sure :

"Together with the signed document, scanned and returned to us, there should be in accompanyment a 300 dpi photograph of yourself, right hand raised."

anyhow pls can u send as soon as possible ta, as i just need that to sign off the paperwork ok. pls can u do this asap as i am working overtime as it is here at the office as it is which is a real bind and i guess u need to get this done soon as there is a lot of fuss going on about this being done quick and proper like.

cheers

max

Maxwell Bygraves
Compliance Executive
HER MAJESTYS COMMONWEALTH COMMISSIONER OF OATHS
2645 Gooliepully Road
Stringalonga, TOCUMWAL,NSW,2714
Phone: (02) 9298 3778
Fax: (02) 9298 3780

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:11 pm

Dear Brant

Many thanks for your message, a pleasure to hear from you as always. The figure you mention seems right, but I am not sure what the exact financial amount will work out to be in dorks. Have our bankers not made the exact payment details clear to you? Farnes Barnes and his colleagues are usually very efficient in this matter and I would be surprised if you were not being well and truly sorted.

In regards to the High Commission, I would delighted to send them an official request as you suggest, although I am sure we can cut some corners on this infernal red tape which you have wondered into. It would be quicker if Sir Marmite calls them directly and arranges matters at his level. I am certain that he will have all the contact details at his fingertips, after all he is often sorting you third world johnnies out, what with one thing or another.

I am similarly sure that they will not need a bank statement from myself, let alone a copy of my passport, (of course we can always send something over in the diplomatic bag should the very worst come to the worst) once Sir Marmite explains matters to them, even though they have asked you for it in this first instance. So let us sort this matter out with a simple call or two from our end. Who is your contact at the consulate? Is it Mr Yusa Wanker?. At any rate, rest assured we are much above such mundane matters at this level from the start, my dear chap - one of the advantages of my position, one might say. Not only that, but I imagine security issues will preclude my own private papers being bandied around so, if you will excuse my bluntness, especially when there are easier alternatives. It may be the way things are done in the backwaters of the world, but assuredly not here.

As to your question about the Games, I did spend half an hour or so with Queen Elizabeth herself as it happens just she and I with a few footmen, in the TV room at Windsor Castle, and we thought the effort of the British men and women quite outstanding. She has a mind on the back of it to award a few gongs when they get back, after speaking the the PM of course. I would not be surprised if it happened. After all, one does like to encourage such achievements.

I am still waiting for news from Mr Barrymore as regards to your Oath. It is unlike him to be so long in confirming matters, and I assume that is the Games which keep him occupied with this and that. Rest assured, though, that as soon as matters are rubber stamped things will move promptly at this end as I know you must be just as eager to proceed as I.

Best wishes to your family and tribe

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco
>Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2006 19:28:40 +0000
>
>
>Hello Her Highness.
>I am very happy to receive the email.
>I hope you're getting on fine.
>Your busy schedule is for good.Almighty God will give you strenght to continue with your good works.
>Kindly tell me how much we'll be expecting from you.
>Is it going to be up to $18,000.00USD?
>I'll be expecting to hear from the bank managers when they send it.
>The money is vital to our job over here.
>Some of my collueges will be in U.K Soon
>The U.k High commission requested you send us. 1. A formal Invitation Letter to Mr Chukwuemeka Igwebuike and Miss Uche Chiamaka Igwebuike Addressed to The Highcommission in Abuja Nigeria.
>2.A bank account statement from you.[The Host]
>3. Copy of your International passport.Kindly scan and send it through this email address.
>I have also sent a email to Sir Marmite.
>I believe with the documents the visa will be issued next week.
>I will send more pictures to you as requested.
>You are a unique lady.I have come to understand how you feel about the less priviledged.
>Your role in upliftment of humanity will not go unnoticed.
>May the Good Lord continue to bless you.
>I'll be expecting the pictures from you.
>Her Royal Highness, Did you have time to watch the ongoing CommonWealth Games in Melbourne Australia?
>We have been working seriously over the weekend.The Nation of Nigeria is conducting a Census.It will end tomorrow Saturday.
>My wife also extend her greetings.
>from all of us over here.
>We wish you God's Guidance and Protection.
>Best Wishes
>Brant Woodrow
>WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>
>

Posted: Sat Mar 25, 2006 10:26 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

Her Royal Highness has asked that I contact the High Commission direct as she feels this will expedite such matters. Do you have an application number and the name of the Visa Officer? I can mention the names of your friends when I or my assistant calls, but a reference number will make life easier all round. I can also have the Commission issue you with the flight tickets, I imagine when the paperwork is processed, to save you a trip.

I will look into the position of the flight tickets and don't see why it shouldn't be made available to you for collection in the way you suggest. Our man Ilichy Miracsky will look after these details. He is based in Prague, but we use him as an agent for all travel permits, flight arrangements, and so on which don't involve the highest level of clearance. He will be sure to make your passage simple and easy in every regard.

Please send your passports over as soon as possible my dear chap and with none of the local delays.

MARMITE

Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC
Regis Court Chamberlain
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
0909 674 4848
http://www.freewebs.com/sirmarmite/index.htm

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Marmite Luny-Binns <[email protected]>
>Subject: Sir Marmite Luny-Binns DFC
>Date: Fri, 24 Mar 2006 18:13:09 +0000 (GMT)

> Hello Sir,Goodevening.
> I am very happy to hear from you once more.
> My Colleuges will send the international passport later on.
> How are you doing over there?
> I know you busy schedule is to uplift the GreatBritain and indeed the commonwealth.
> I will kindly tell Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret to send us a formal letter of invitation.
> They will secure the U.K Visa application forms next week.
> The High Commission will demand an Bank account statement to back our stay over there.
> They will also demand a letter of Recomendation from thour host.
> How are we going to get the Flight ticket?
> Sir Marmite,There are options to send the ticket to us through post.
> You can also buy it online and give us the information to pick it over here.
> The postal address is
> Mr Chukwuemeka Igwebuike
> 10 Edinburgh Road Ogui New Layout
> Enugu.
> Enugu State Nigeria.
> Sir Marmite, You're a man of honour.
> We are happy to associate with you.
> Shortly you'll get the international passports.
> From my family and all of us over here.
> We wish God's Guidance and protaction
> Best Wishes
> Brant Woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>
>
>

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 2:21 pm

Dear Mr Woodrow

Many thanks for your note. I am well thank you, although I am suffering somewhat from a sprained ankle gained this weekend during a particularly active bout of croquet with Sir Marmite. (It is an annual staff event here, always quite keenly fought) His team here at the palace, �The Yeaster Bunnies�, are very combative I can assure you, and they were the toast of the tournament when we had done, for their hard won victory.

I will ask Sir Marmite to make contact with Mr Campbell at the High Commission, and I have every confidence that this matter can now be taken forward out to our full satisfaction. I hope that you have appreciated our hesitation at sending out such critical information in this day and age. The plain fact is that one never knows what people are around and who is listening.

Mr Barrymore�s assistant has been in contact with my office, to say that they now have your photograph safely in hand which is splendid news.

I must say I was sorry to hear of your mishap at sea. It reminds of a near miss the royal party had, a while ago now, aboard our yacht the SS Lucky Lad, this while off the Smegaroon coast. An oil tanker of quite considerable size managed to creep up on us during a little drinks party I was hosting at that time, and it was only through the prompt action of Captain Stabbin, our Boatmaster, that a disaster was avoided at the last minute. He said afterwards that we were lucky not to be rear ended, something he had sadly seen before only too often. The only loss as it happened was of a silver tray of sausage rolls overboard and a little dignity.

I do apologise for not sending the promised photographs on already, it had quite slipped my mind. I have one or two candid ones of Prince Charles which you will enjoy seeing I am sure. I have the Press Office send them up to me as soon as they are back from lunch.

Kind regards

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: Duchess of Great Tesco
>Date: Sun, 26 Mar 2006 00:13:12 +0000 (GMT)
> Hello Her Highness
> What wonderful words you sent to me.
> How are you doing over there?
> The request for your personal details is regretted.
> Though that was the requirements from the High Commission.
> Sir Marmite can discuss with the U.K High Commissioner to Nigeria Mr Campbell.
> Any day I read email from you.It gives me joy.
> I am always encouraged that people like you are there for us.
> I have forwarded all the information to Michael BarryMore.
> I am also happy you want the money to be sent as soon as all the necessary things are done.
> I have not got the amount to be expected.
> The Census going in Nigeria has been extended till Monday.
> Our Team from WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE nearly had a Boat Mishap in the Niger Delta waters.We went for a inspection in a oil producing community.Then on return there was strong wave in the Sea.
> We were saved by the speed of the speed Boat , effort of the Sailor and of course the Mercy and Protection of our lord Jesus Christ.
> It happened around 5:15 p.m in the evening today, In the Bayelsa area of the Niger Delta creek.We later go help from the Federal Inland Waterway Management rescue team.
> I am really happy to survive.My wife was crying when she heard the news.
>
> Her Highness,I am once more grateful to you.
> I am still expecting the pictures.Mine will be ready next month.
> It will be a huge collection for you.
> Happy weekend
> Best Wishes
>
> Brant Woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>
>

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 2:32 pm

Dear Brant

Just to confirm that I have indeed now received your picture, and it is in the hands of Mr Barrymore for his approval. I must say that you look slightly different in this picture to the others you have sent, a bit drawn and wan. Have you been ill?

Best wishes on your important work, and I am very pleased to know that you are shortly to be up the creek.

Kind regards again

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Princess Margaret <[email protected]>
>Subject: The Oath Of Temporary Allegiance.
>Date: Mon, 27 Mar 2006 10:54:08 +0100 (BST)
870 751 5170
>
>Hello Her Highness
> Goodmorning.I Sent you the picture of Oath Taking.
> Kindly forward it to Michael Barrymore.
> I hope you had a nice weekend.
> I watched Prince Edward preside over the closing of the Commonwealth Games.India will host the next games in NewDehli 2010.The English team came second after Host Australia in the Medals Table
> I'll be going to the creeks now.
> I'll be expecting to hear from you.
> Best wishes
> Brant woodrow
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>
>
> brant Oath Taking ,Allegiance to The House Of Windsor
>
>
>

Posted: Mon Mar 27, 2006 4:10 pm

WOODRUNT

RE CHUKWANKEMAKER CHIBOZO IGWEPUKE AND CHIAMUCKER IGWEPUKE

SIR I AM TOLD BY SIR MARMITE LUNY-BINS THAT IT IS LIKELY THAT RUSHED VISA APPLICATIONS ARE EXPECTED FOR THESE TWO WITHOUT MORE DETAILS THAN THAT AND IT HAS FALLEN TO MY HAPPY LOT TO SORT THIS LIKELY MESS OUT_WHAT EXACTLY IS THE STATE OF PLAY SIR? ARE YOU THEIR REPRESENTATIVE OR LEGAL GUARDIAN??_KINDLY EXPLAIN AS IT IS A CLEAR AS MUD TO ME WHO IS WHAT AND WHAT IS DONE ALREADY IN THIS WHOLE BUSINESS WHICH IS BEYOND BELIEF FOR GODS SAKE_ARE THE RELEVANT FORMS WITH THE HIGH COMMISSION ALREADY?_ALSO I AM ASKED TO GET OUR TRAVEL AGENT MIRACSKY INVOLVED WITH A VIEW TO SUPPLYING TICKETS FOR THESE TWO AS WELL_VERY WELL THIS CAN BE DONE I SUPPOSE BUT I WILL NEED SOME IDEA OF ITINERARY ALSO I NEED AN IDEA IF THEY WANT WINDOW SEATS_BUSINESS OR ECONOMY CLASS ANY SPECIAL DIETARY NEEDS AND THE LIKE AS I KNOW WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE LIKE_KINDLY REPLY AT ONCE AND LET US GET GOING WITH THIS AS I UNDERSTAND IT IS URGENT_I AWAIT REPLY SOONEST POSSIBLE IF YOU PLEASE

Lonslo Tossov
Charitable Officer
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
020 7278 6694
07951 593 525

Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 7:41 pm

From : Joe Kucker <[email protected]>
Sent : 28 March 2006 11:14:25
To : [email protected]
Subject : Re: A41R9SE Brant/ 28 March

28 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow,

I am still waiting for authorisation from Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret to transfer funds to your account. Has your Oath of Allegiance been certified ?

Yours sincerely,

Melodie Fenwick
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International

Brant Woodrow <[email protected]> wrote:

Melodie Fenwick
Personal Assistant to
Dr Joseph Kucker
Deputy Chief Executive
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Inc
8 Robben Road
London NW1 GIT

tel: [0]208 202 8200
How are you doing?
I am very to receive the email.
I'm still waiting for authorization from Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret Duchess of Great Tesco.
You did not respond to questions in my first email.
I'll be expecting to hear from you.
Best Wishes
Brant
WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Posted: Tue Mar 28, 2006 8:01 pm

Dear Brant

Excellent news to relate my dear chap, Mr Barrymore has finally passed your Oath and we can now proceed with this business with all urgency and see you really get what is coming to you.

I believe that you are speaking to Sir Marmite and Mr Tossov in regards to a visa and travel for your friends? I am sure that you appreciate that we are rather rushed to arrange such matters in the time you ask, but will do our best. Mr Tossov is especially anxious to progress matters and would appreciate an answer soonest to his outstanding enquiries. He was characteristically forthright about you on the phone this morning, but I am sure he has the wrong end of the stick about how serious you are. Also the Earl of Cardigan will be pleased, I know to get your fertilizer consignment off his hands quickly, especially now that the warmer weather has arrived. During my early morning canter down The Mall this morning I was sure that I caught a whiff of the stuff even though I was some way off on horseback, and God knows what the staff think. I had to send Scones the butler back to my chambers to fetch some lavender oil.

I attach a few candid shots sent up by Lord Bovril as promised. One shows Prince Charles enjoying a pint at the local last month for Sir Marmite's birthday party. The Prince bought Marmite a splendid waistcoat for his present I remember as well as a gold plated toaster. There's a second of Charles in happy conversation with Sir Marmite around the same time I believe, and a third showing myself with a good a selection of the staff we have here. It was taken on one of their annual half days.

Kindest regards

MARGARET

Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC, Duchess of Great Tesco, Stewardess of Llareggub, Prioress of Lotto,
Room 101
The Royal Les Dawson Suite
Kensington Doss House,
Buckingham
London
FU2 GlT
44 870 751 5170

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret VC
>Date: Mon, 27 Mar 2006 18:12:24 +0000

>Hello Her Highness.
>
>Goodevening,I am just back from work.
>
>Today has been hectic.
>
>You mentioned about what happened in the Sea.
>
>I thank God you came out safely.Glory be to God.
>
>I took the Oath after coming from work over the weekend.
>
>Maybe,I was not relaxed before taking the pictures.I must admit the conservation work is taking it's toll on me.Though I do it with passion and commitment.
>
>I'll be expecting the approval.
>
>Sir Marmite is a very nice man.They promised to send the flight tickets to my colleuges.
>
>Remember they will be in London next week.
>
>Her Highness,I thank you for your encouragement and advise.
>
>God bless you.I'll be going home now to meet my family.
>
>Almighty God will continue to protect you and the Entire Royalty in Great Britain.
>
>Best Wishes
>
>Brant Woodrow
>
>WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE
>
>
>

Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 8:47 am

Hello Her Royal Highness.
I am very happy to receive your email once more.
The pictures you sent is very nice.
I really appreciate it.The one you took with the staff is cute.
I am expecting to hear from the bankers on the money transfer.
I do not know the amount that will be sent.
Kindly tell me the amount to expect.
My collueges will process the visa accordingly with Sir Marmite and Mr Tossov.
Her Royal Highness Kindly direct the Earl of Cardigan to send the fertilizer.
I'll be expecting to receive the container.
I came back late today.
Our speed boat had to refuel.It took a lot of time.
The Creek of NigerDelta offers an ample opportunity to see firsthand the negative effects of careless oil exploration and spillages.Yesterday some seaferers sustained Burns when their boat caught fire as a result of the Oil in the river.
I hope, if we continue our Conservation activities, the constant issue of Spillages and devastation will be contained in the resource rich NigerDelta.
Conservation and preservation of the Earth should be the duty of all Humanity.
We have only one Earth and we have to cherish and preserve it.
From all of us over here.
We wish you Happiness and God's Protaction
Best Wishes
Brant Woodrow
WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 9:45 am

WOODUMP_YOUR TWO FRIENDS WILL HAVE TO AT LEAST GET THE VISA APPLICATION FORMS AT THEIR END AS A START AND TO SHOW A DEGREE OF GENUINE SINCERITY AT LEAST_I IMAGINED THAT THEY ALREADY HAD THIS IN HAND???_CHECK ON THIS AS SOON AS YOU CAN AND FOR GODS SAKE CHIVVY THEM ALONG AS THIS IS ASSUREDLY NOT CHILDS PLAY SIR_AS SOON AS THEY SEND THEIR PASSPORTS THEN WE CAN GET MOVING IN TURN THIS END_SIR MARMITE WILL NO DOUBT BE SPEAKING TO THIS MR CAMPBELL ON HIS PART IN ORDER TO SPEED THINGS ALONG_AS FAR AS THE TICKETS TO TRAVEL ARE CONCERNED I HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED TO SUBSIDISE THIS SIDE OF THINGS AS A GESTURE OF CHARITY BUT THEIR ACTUAL ISSUE WILL BE COORDINATED BY OUR TRAVEL AGENT ILICHY MIRACKSY WHO IS BASED IN PRAGUE_HAVE YOU HEARD FROM HIM YET?_KINDLY REPLY AT ONCE AND WITH ALL THE NECESSARY CONFIRMATIONS SIR AS NEXT WEEK IS A DEADLINE FOR THIS MATTER AS I UNDERSTAND IT WHICH MEANS A GOOD DEGREE OF HASTE ON BOTH OUR PARTS TO ENSURE THE SMOOTH RUNNING OF MATTERS AND WE DO NOT WANT THIS ENDING UP LIKE SOME HALF BAKED NATIVE JAMBOREE

Lonslo Tossov
Charitable Officer
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT

>From: "Brant Woodrow." <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: Lonslo Tossov <[email protected]>
>Subject: Lonslo Tossov
>Date: Tue, 28 Mar 2006 23:01:14 +0100 (BST)
> Hello GoodEvening,
> I am happy to receive the email.
> I want to know whether it's necessary for Uche Igwebuike and Chukwuemeka Igwebuike to buy the Visa application form over here?
> They will send the international passport on thursday.
> You should contact Mr Campbell the U.K Highcommissioner in Nigeria.
> They will need a business class ticket.
> How are we going to receive it? Can you send it through speed post?
> How long will the visa application take to be concluded?
> uCHE and Chukuemeka need to be in U.K possible in a forthnight
> They intend to be in U.K for study on conservation.
> They will require a visa with multiple entry.
> Hope to get a response from you.
> Regards
> Brant
> WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

Posted: Wed Mar 29, 2006 3:14 pm

Sir,

I am just now back from an extended training exercise and after studying signals received during my absence, am delighted to see that we have now been given a green light for commencement of your dung delivery, an undertaking we have termed Operation Gumby. The bags have been fully prepared and processed by my lads here, as previously outlined. Apologies for the delay but these SNAFUs can occur through no fault of men in the front line of things.

It has been suggested to me that these can be more easily delivered to you by air drop, rather than a slower means of delivery. As it happens we have a mercy flight or two crossing your area shortly, and I am sure that I can arrange matters at HQ given that this is a charitable donation of related concern. Would it be possible for you to give me your co ordinates to pass on to the lads in the air? Better still, if you can have your staff create a large marker in the likely drop zone that would be ideal, perhaps a large white cross on a roof top or open field?

Kindly reply with the details as soon as you can sir as the consignment is becoming increasingly awkward to store and blocks up a corner of the parade ground. Once we have your reply I will authorize the start of Gumby without delay. All being well you should see a delivery within a few days.

I am not sure what you mean by supplying you with a military address sir. Do mean in relation to your recruitment enquiries? Please bear in mind that I cannot disclose details of troop movements or regimental strength, location & etc, due to the terms of the Official Secrets Act.

If you are in the UK after Easter be sure to let us know, as I am sure the lads here will give you due welcome.

Yours sincerely

Brudenell (Commanding)

Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
7th Earl of Cardigan
Commander of Light Horse Brigade
Tennyson Barracks
600 Rode Inn Valley
Smegaroon, UK
UR1 GIT

Tel 44 20 7414 3291

>From: "Brant Woodrow" <[email protected]>
>Reply-To: [email protected]
>To: [email protected]
>Subject: Colonel James Thomas Brudenell DSM
>Date: Tue, 21 Mar 2006 13:32:42 +0000

>
>Thanks for the email
>
>I really appreciate it.
>
>Kindly write me with a U.K Military address.
>
>I want to have it in this email box.
>
>You are really a soldier with a difference.
>
>I have passed the information on enlisting to my friend.
>
>I was told by Princess Margaret that Mr Barrymore denied the receipt of the Oath of Temporary allegiance to the House of Windsor.
>
>i sent it to the Mr Barrymore on saturday.
>
>I believe that is delaying Princess Margaret from giving orders to send the package.
>
>However send me some other pictures.
>
>I'll really appreciate it.
>
>I may be in U.K after the easter season.
>
>I really appreciate all your effort
>
>God bless you
>
>Brant Woodrow
>
>WOODROW CONSERVATION INTITIATIVE

>

Posted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 11:15 am

From: Joe Kucker <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re A41R9SE Money Transfer
Date: Thu, 30 Mar 2006 11:04:07 +0100 (BST)

CHAVSTER,MANFRED AND NEWMAN MERCHANT BANK

from the desk of Dr Joseph Kucker

30 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow,

My colleague Melodie Fenwick informs me that Her Royal Highness Princess Margaret has now authorised the transfer of five thousand Slovakian silver dorks to your account.

Unfortunately we have not able to release the Canadian dollars from the charitable account Her Royal Highness set up in Smegaroon. However, the value of the dorks - approximately US$9,140 - should compensate you for this inconvenience.

I shall be in Lagos from 5thApril to 9 April attend a meeting of the Council of Underdevelopment Nations Transmigrification Staff. I am staying at the Federal Palace Hotel and suggest you meet me there and I will give you the cash in person. This will save a considerable amount of bank charges for us both.

Would 2.30 p.m. on April 6th be convenient ? Meet me at Reception and please bring your passport or some other means of identification.

Yours sincerely,

Joseph Kucker
Chief Cashier
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
69 Blunkett Avenue
St Dunstans
London FU1 7TT

Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:11 am

WOODRUMP_WHAT NEWS ON THIS IGWEPUKE TRAVEL MATTER??_I THOUGHT THIS WAS ALL VERY URGENT AND SUDDENLY IT IS QUIET AS THE GRAVE AT YOUR END MAN _FOR GODS SAKE ARE YOU ORGANISING MATTERS THERE OR NOT??_IF YOU CANNOT BE BOTHERED KINDLY INFORM ME AS I CERTAINLY HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN RUN ROUND AFTER HALF BAKED NATIVE SCHEMES WHICH COME TO NAUGHT AND AT MY TIME AND EXPENSE TOO_I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THAT_ALSO I AM SURE THAT HRH MARGARET WILL NOT APPRECIATE THIS DELETERIOUS DILLY DALLY

T

Lonslo Tossov
Charitable Officer
The Court of St James
Broadmoor
London FU2 GIT
020 7278 6694
07951 593 525

Posted: Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:19 am

Hello Goodmorning.
I am very happy to receive the email.
However,If the money transfer will take a lot of charges,Then send it through western Union
The information for sending the money through western union is viz
Receiver is our finance director.
Mr Joel Richard Ano
First Bank Nigeria
Enugu Branch.
Nigeria
Send the money today.We'll get it possibly today.
I am very busy in the NigerDelta area.
I have been visiting many communities in the Oil Producing area.
We are conducting a critical assesment on effects of Oil spillages in the communities.
From our observations,Most of the Oil firms do not adhere to any safety and environmental laws.
I believe conservation should be the duty of every body.
We only have one earth.We should all put hands together to save the earth.
I'll be expecting the western union transfer code.I'll be off to the creeks now.
Best wishes
Brant Woodrow
WOODROW CONSERVATION INITIATIVE

31 March 2006

Dear Mr Woodrow,

Alas, Western Union will not accept the transfer of golden dorks because of insurance problems with such a valuable currency.

But as I informed you, I shall be in Lagos next week and I look forward very much to meeting you at the Federal Palace Hotel.

I shall now be out of the office till Tuesday. However, if the time arranged for our meeting is inconvenient, please e-mail my assistant Melodie Fenwick at this e-mail address or telephone her on her direct line 07811320544.

Best wishes,

Joseph Kucker
Chief Cashier
Chavster, Manfred and Newman Merchant Bank International PLC
69 Blunkett Avenue
St Dunstans
London FU1 7TT

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