200 kg of Gold! 200 kg of Gold!!!

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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 11:50 pm

My virgin attempt at baiting. More to follow....

Update 12/21: The fun has begun! See the end...and it's not over yet.

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]> :
Subject: AU GOLD DUST FOR SALE.
Date: Sat, 8 Oct 2005 08:28:52 -0700 (PDT

(The initial come-on. Boring. Do not read.)

Attn:

My name is Philip Zumaroga a citizen of Sierra Leone. My father deposited 200 kg of gold dust with a security company here in Accra Ghana. There is no outstanding demurrage; I do not own the security company any cent because my father paid for 9 years. I have finalized arrangement with a shipping company to ship it abroad where it will be refined and sale.

But the problem I have is that I don�t have any body who can assist me receive the goods because here in Ghana before you can be involve in gold business unless you have EXPORT PERMIT LICENCE AND MINING COMPANY. But I have arranged with a mining company who has accepted to help me with their license to ship the goods to you.

I have also finalized arrangement with a shipping company who will undertake the shipping process. What I want now is for you to assist me receive the gold and take it to a refinery and sell it. You have to keep the money because my major priority is to come and invest in your country.

All the documents of the gold are intact which I will forward to you for your reference.

Sir, I have the agenda to come and invest in your country. If you receive the gold, you will refine it and sale it and help me secure traveling papers that will enable me again visa to meet you over there in your country.

I will accept $8.500 dollars per kilo. Sir, what I require urgently is your residential address where the shipping company will deliver it to you or at any refinery of your choice.

Please sir, I decided to work with you based on the tremendous record of your ability and capability in business management. I still have one other consignment with the same security and finance outfit but I will work on that with you when we finalize this gold business.

Sir, I am a good christen and so much believe in God as I know you will handle this transaction with the fear of God and respect to humanity.

Please contact my mobile number +233-244-717215

Email: [email protected]
Thanks and God bless.

Yours truly,

Philip Zumaroga

From ARNOLD GRASSMAN
(a standard response, but inappropriate here, because nobody died in a car crash, nobody is missing, nobody�s heirs can�t be found, but what the heck, don�t waste time on being responsive, above all):

Sir

Your story is terrible and pathetic.

How can I help?

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]> :
Subject: THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN.
Date: Thu, 13 Oct 2005 11:40:49 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Mr. Arnold,

Thanks for your mail, and all the contents are well understood. I am very sorry for the late reply, I really appreciate your concern may the good Lord reward.

Sir, I hope you really understood the contents of my mail, regarding your question on how you can be of help to me. My main aim is to export the goods out of this country and sale it, then I will invest the fund anywhere I want definitely in your country for you to be my supervisor and guide. As i made you to understand, I have already contacted mining company whom I will use their mining LICENSE as indigenous Gold Mining Company to make the export.

Sir, there are some little expenses that will involve in the cost of export. Moreover, I will like to use your name as the person who is buying the gold to make the COMMERCIAL INVOICE so that you will receive it in any nearby gold refinery to you and make contacts for the sale.

Sir, the most important thing is to conclude the export arrangement, I don�t know the possibility for you to contact a buyer or coming to Ghana, but whichever way you suggest that can be better please I need your advice. Two heads is better than one. As I made you to understand I am not a citizen of Ghana. Gold constitute the major export of Ghana so when it comes to buying here and export they are always strict, if one tries to take shutcut the authority responsible for Gold transaction, he may run into the risk of losing his Gold so my brother I am very careful.

Please let me have your telephone and fax numbers to enable me fax the documents to you as I promised.

Thanks for your concern.

Regards,

Philip Zumaroga

+233-244-717215

From ARNOLD GRASSMAN
Subject: Re: THANKS FOR YOUR CONCERN.
Date: Thu, 13 Oct 2005 21:39:59 -0500
(gives himself away as a wealthy�but greedy�businessman with excess cash and too many notebook computers on hand. BUT, Arnold has in the meantime realized that what he really wants is a trophy sign saying Mike Hunt on it, so we have to introduce Mike into the discussion before we go any further.)

Hello Philip,

This sounds like a very good business proposition. I recently sold my computer company, so I have the cash to invest in a high-return business. Don't worry about the little expenses--you have to spend money to make money, don't you think? By the way, do you need a notebook computer? I still have a number from my old company, and I would be happy to send one to you if we are going to do business.

Thanks for your telephone number. I will have my partner Mike Hunt call you. He has been to Ghana and he just told me he is very fond of the young people in Accra. Why don't you put his name on the documents? He and I share all business, so the Christian thing to do is to include him on this deal, or do you disagree?

Best wishes,

Arnold

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]> :
Subject: YES WE CAN INCLUDE HIM.
Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2005 06:20:37 -0700 (PDT)
(By golly, he's got a live one! Let's watch the master scammer at work.)
Dear Mr. Arnold,

Thanks for your prompt response. I can understand that you a man of your words and I hope its by the grace of God that I have come to you know you. Your suggestion is very perfect. I have nothing against including the man�s name in the business.
I believe that he is your partner and you trust him. Provided you have been working with him for a long time, he is somebody that is not greed I accept that he be with us.

I am happy for the notebook computer, I have been longing to have one please send it to me I will be very glad to have it that will also enhance our business.

Now, I have outlined the major challenge to the success of this transaction. I suggest that you or your partner can come to Ghana so that we can have the shipment done and I will go with you to your country so that after the golf is refined we can jointly look for a good business and invest the fund as joint business.

Please lets see what we can do so that before the end of November the transaction will e concluded.

I am waiting for your partner�s call.

Regards,

Philip Zumaroga.
too boring to answer. let's see what else he has.]

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]> :
Subject: WAITING FOR YOUR REPLY.
Date: Tue, 18 Oct 2005 09:25:22 -0700 (PDT)

Dear Sir,

After the reply of the sent you sent to me i have been waiting to hear from you.please let me know your decision so that we can proceed. Your partner you said you have given him my number t call me has not yet call me please get in touch with him so that we can discuss and proceed.
Thanks and God bless,
Philip Zumaroga.

From ARNOLD GRASSMAN
Subject: Re: WAITING FOR YOUR REPLY.
Date: Wed 19 Oct 2005
(stalling a little while he prepares a passport to send along, but also asking for more details to avoid being taken for a total patsy or worse, a scambaiter)

My apologies for keeping you waiting, Sir. We are definitely interested in proceeding, and Mike is definitely planning to come to Accra soon. We have been waiting to finalize details.

Mike Hunt tried to call you, but got only a message in a language that he didn't understand. Are you sure that's the right number?

Also: I'm happy a notebook computer would help you. Please use it before it becomes obsolete! Would you prefer an extra-small computer, or a bigger one with more capabilities? The larger ones are as good as desktop computers, but they are harder to carry around. Actually, they cost the same, as it's expensive to make computers small and reliable.

So, one of us will contact you when the date is set. It should be within two weeks, however.

In the meantime, please tell me more about yourself, and also tell me more about the expenses you mentioned. If you could email me a scan of your identification papers, with photo, that will help our wives be comfortable with this (highly profitable!) undertaking.

best wishes,

Arnold

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]> :
Subject: MY INTERNATIONAL ID.
Date: Thu, 20 Oct 2005 08:12:35 -0700 (PDT)
(sensing a big fish to reel in, he asks for a huge amount of money, far more than the piddling thousand or two that others ask for. He proffers his �International ID�, which inexplicably doesn�t have his name on it! But we don�t mind, because he is a church-goer, and his father was killed, ya know?)

Dear Sir,

Thanks for your mail and all the contemnts are well
understood. Firstly, in case if there is any error on
my telephone number, the correct number is
00233-244-717215 call me anytime you will get me
online exempt i am in the church i switch off my
phone.

According to the mining company that we will use their
mining export license for the shipment ,under the law
governing gold export, 7% of the total value is payble
to various government agencies via, GEOLOGICAL SURVEY
DEPARTMENT, CUSTOM DUTIES AND PREVENTIVE SERVICE, BANK
OF GHANA EXPORT FORM A2 AND AGENT FEES. And these fees
are determined by the total value of the goods.

As you promised i am expecting the computer notebook
and a laptop which will be of great help to my life.
From the proposal i sent to you, i made you to
understand that i am a citizen of Sierra Leone, my
father was a gold machant before the war broke out in
my country. And he was killed because the people knows
that he is a rich man they accused him of sponsoring
the rebels so they invaded our house and killed my
father. Before then he has already spread out some of
his assest across Africa and other parts of the World.

My intension is to sale this gold and use the money to
start any investment for my future. I am 28 years old.
I have just finished A CERIFICATE COURSE IN PA so i
want to invest this money out of Africa because there
is no peace in this part of the world. My intinal
intension is that when we do the shipment then i will
go with you. I don't want my money to be paid here
because it will be a probem again to transfer it out
of here again. I will like to invest in your country
so that you can be a help to me because i have not
been into business before. I will like you to partner
with me or if you are too busy you can help me as a
guidian and nurture the business to ensure growth.

Please help me tell your wives that we are going to
become one family when Mr. Hunt comes for the shipment
iwill come back with him let them no worry about
anything eles.

I had wanted to send you the documents of the gold but
the hotel were i am are with it because i am owing
them some money so they are with it. when you come i
will receive it or if i can get some money i will
receive it from them. i hereby send you my
international ID CARD.

Please let me have your number or and your passport if
possible.

My warm greetings to you and your partner.

Regards,

philip Zumaroga.

Again, too boring to answer. Will he love me tomorrow?

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]> :
Subject: SIR DYING TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!!!!
Date: Thu, 27 Oct 2005 08:12:47 -0700 (PDT)

DEAR SIR,

Yesterday was one week past you wrote to me. Sir i hope you all are healthy and wealthy. I feel as if the world want to crumble when i wait for a long time like this without hearing from you. I believe that you are God sent to assist me in my life by bring this manchandise out of Ghana and taking it to your closest so that you can help me to invest the money in a lucrative venture.

Sir, i take you as my Godfather and business partner. Likewise as to made you to understand before that i have not been into business before and i need you all around me for my survival of any venture. I so much trust on your vast business experience.

Sir, you told me that your partner will contact me since then i never heard from him either you. I asked you to send me your telephone number so that we can be interacting but i don't know if you have not read my mail.

Please i am dying to hear from you and the time your partner will be coming to Ghana for the shipment. Remember that i will be coming with him to stay with you so as to make one family. My greetings to your wife and well wishers, please write me now very serious.

God bless you all.

Philip Zumaroga.

00233-244-717215

From ARNOLD GRASSMAN
Subject: Re: SIR DYING TO HEAR FROM YOU!!!!!!
Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2005 10:23:25 -0500
(Oh yes, he still loves me! But Oh No! an incredible miscommunication! Mike was in Accra, but Phil didn't get the voicemail--as if--and the maid in the Accra hotel got the computer!)

Hello.

I don't understand your complaint. Mr, Hunt called you again. He again got a message in a language he didn't understand, then a beep. This was obviously an answering machine, so he gave the details of his trip to Accra, which was 5 days ago. He waited for your call at his hotel as he was doing our other business, but when he didn't hear from you for three days, he had to return home and got home last night. He had your computer with him, but he didn't want to carry the computer out of the country, and so he gave it to the lady that cleaned his room.

Don't worry, he will come again in a couple of weeks, and we have more computers. We'll let you know the details of the next trip.. Meanwhile, please clean up that answering machine of yours. Since you've never been in business before, you need to know that any outgoing message is useless unless it is in the language of the person calling.

Until next time...

Arnold

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]>
Subject: PLEASE TRY MY NUMBER AGAIN AND SEND ME YOURS.
Date: Sun, 30 Oct 2005 11:00:13 -0800 (PST)
(getting a little testy, perhaps?):

Dear Sir,

Honestly, I am surprise to hear this news that Mr. Hunt came to Ghana and waited for me in his hotel room for three days. I want you to know that Ghana communication system especially. G.S.M has no answering machine facility so I never fix my phone on answering machine since I came to Ghana.

But I guess to say that he did not came purposely for me. Under normal circumstance, before he comes he suppose to send me his flight schedule so that I will know when he arrives and when he will be leaving. That will make me pass information to the security outfit were the gold is kept that we are coming to make the shipment. Or he could have call you so that you can pass information to me through the email, or even give me his hotel telephone number so that I can contact him.

Please when he will come again he have to inform me within five days interval to write officially to the Security Company to inform them of coming to take my gold, this is their rule.

This is a big mistake, lets not repeat this again, I have asked you to give me your telephone number so that I can be contacting you but you said he would call me.

I check my email on daily bases so please lets adopt seriousness now give me your telephone number and update me on any development. This is my number once again 00233244717215 (that when calling from outside Ghana.) 0244717215 (when calling within Ghana) please call in the morning, in the evening there is always network problem. Please try the number now.

I will be waiting to hear from you soon.

Thanks Philip Zumaroga.

From ARNOLD GRASSMAN
Subject: Re: PLEASE TRY MY NUMBER AGAIN AND SEND ME YOURS.
Date: Thu, 03 Nov 2005 09:10:30 -0500
(�naively� making a mistake in arithmetic that nets him an extra $29 million above what Phil is offering. Does Phil do the math? Does he care?)

Too bad you two couldn't connect, but Mike Hunt is coming back to Accra fairly soon.

Meanwhile, I've been thinking about the deal. Here's what it looks like to me:

Number of kg: 200
Price to you: $8500/kg
Total to you: $1,700,000

Market value of gold in London: $465/oz
Ounces/kg: 35
Market value of one kg of gold in London: $15,640
Total market value of gold in London: $30,128,000 [NOTE TO THOSE BAITERS JUST READING FOR FUN WITHOUT A CALCULATOR IN HAND: AN EXTRA ZERO ADDED HERE, DAMN!]

My profit: $28,428,000

Is this correct? If so, what are these fees you mentioned? You once said 7%, but 7% of what? Given the above numbers, what would the fees be?

Arnold

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: PLEASE TRY MY NUMBER AGAIN AND SEND ME YOURS.
Date: Fri, 4 Nov 2005 09:44:13 -0800 (PST)
(maybe he sees the numerical error but doesn�t want to point it out to poor dumb Arnold. But oh! Now he�s mad, and he drops a hint that he has powerful legal resources behind him. Watch out, Arnold!):

Dear Mr. Arnold Grassman,

Thanks for your calculation and summary. I would
definitely work with you. Like I told you, I missed my
father but now I have a Daddy. Because we can do many
more business as you represent my late father now you
are indeed my God Father.

The 7% I said is the shipment cost, which is nothing
but token charges.This amount is distributed to
various governent agencies Via GEOLOGICAL SURVEY
DEPARTMENT, CUSTOM DUTIES AND PREVENTIVE SERVICE,
BANK OF GHANA EXPORT FORM A2 AGENT FEES ETC.
In other words its government charge taxes for the
shipment of gold out of the country and the amount is
determained by the total amount or the value of the
gold. So in a nut shell the amount is 7% of $1700000.
when this money is paid then all the relevant
documents for the shipment will be obtain and no
authority whatsoever can stop you from taking the gold
out of the country.

Sir, Its a big surprise to me that you still cannot
get my telephone line clear, this is Afica sometimes
the network is not good but you got to try till you
get it. Or the solution should be you have to give me
your own number so that when i call you you will see
the number and can call back

Sir, i am surprise that you have refused to give me
your telephone number for many occassions i requested.
I take you as my father why then are you refusing to
release your number to me, its creating suspicous
atmosphere to my lawyer. He is not happy about that
please let me have it now.
please when your partner is coming he should send me
his flight schedule so that i can write to the company
according to their rules.
I wait to hear from you soon.
Regards,
Philip Zumaroga.

From ARNOLD GRASSMAN
Subject: Re: PLEASE TRY MY NUMBER AGAIN AND SEND ME YOURS.
Date: Sat, 05 Nov 2005 19:08:53 -0500
(falsely claiming that he�s already told Phil that he�s always on the road. Will Phil notice the lie? Also, will Phil notice that 86 is not the country code for Thailand, or will he call the number? Also, Arnold is getting a little impatient too, and slightly pissed�i.e., worried�about a lawyer�s involvement.)

Hello my god-son Philip (can I call you "Phil" , please?),

I am very surprised at the tone of your last letter, Phil. I believe I have told you that I am traveling at the moment, after selling my computer company. Because of that, I do not have a fixed telephone number, and it is better if we can call you. It's not very nice for you to take such a tone with me, since I am innocent of any wrong-doing.

As a gesture of my good faith, I can tell you that I believe we will be stopping in Bangkok sometime early next week, at the Hilton Hotel there. Here is the phone number where we expect to be: 86-2-690-9999. How you dial that from your country I don't know. The front desk will connect you to me. I will be happy to talk with you if you can reach me.

Also, you never mentioned before that you had a lawyer!!!! What do you need him for? Isn't this a very private deal with just you and me? Didn't you tell me that you had no experience with business? Maybe I should get a lawyer too. What do you think? Anyway, if he creates a suspicious attitude, he should learn to calm down. If he is unhappy, he should realize that I don't really care if he is happy or not. This is a business deal for both of us, right? I'll be happy when I get my $29 million, you'll be happy when you get your $1.4 Million, and he'll be happy when he gets his fees from you. Tell him to accept reality and not stress himself too much.

Continuing on the money side. I would like you to confirm positively that my numbers are correct regarding the money that you will receive and the approximate value of what I will receive. All you said in your email is, "Thanks for your calculation and summary. I would definitely work with you. " What does that mean? Am I right or am I wrong? Yes or No are the only two possible answers there, Phil.

You did say that the 7% would apply to the $1700000. That is, the fees amount to 0.07 * 1700000 = $119,000? Is that correct? One hundred nineteen thousand dollars? Is that the amount of fees that the security company will need before releasing the gold? Please confirm that positively, that is, either "yes, that's the correct number," or..."no, the correct number is ....." I need absolute confirmation before I start working with the numbers. That's just business.

Thanks for the scan of your ID, by the way. I'm still trying to get mine scanned. As you might imagine, it's hard doing things like that when you are traveling.

best wishes,

Arnold

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]>
Subject: SORRY DADDY IF I SOUND TOO HARSH.
Date: Mon, 7 Nov 2005 12:49:51 -0800 (PST)

(actually, now he�s Phil, since that pleases Arnold. But Arnold is now "DADDY"--WTF? And yes, somehow Arnold did tell him he was always traveling, so always accomodating Phil apologizes for doubting Arnold and also for having a lawyer. Omigod, Phil almost let $119,000 get away!)

Daddy,

Please I am sorry if I sound too harsh to you, as you know sometimes one can be irritated on something else and it can affect everything you do on that day. I never mean to upset you. When I went through the mails today I found out that it was true please daddy I am sorry.

Okay if you don�t have a fix telephone number at the moment but my own is still working.

As you may know international calls here in Ghana is very costly please as I don�t know the particular day you will be in Bangkok is better when you reach there give my number to the front desk as you said then they will call me the number have to be dial like this 00233244717215 at anytime. Incase if its off then know that I am in the church ad can try again in the next two hours.

Daddy I accept that you call me Phil that �s how my father calls me. Yes I never mention about the lawyer before but that should not bother you, I know lawyers are good in making easy something difficult so I will drop anything concerning him because I trust you as my father, its only when someone is looking for legal protection that he goes close to them but in this case it father and son so lets put them behind us and make it a one family affair.

Daddy sorry you didn�t understand the reply I gave you, honestly I am not too good in mathematic but in my rough sketch your calculation is correct. The %7 is not to be paid to Security Company but for government taxes and to procure export documents from various government agencies .I have problem with maths especially when there is no calculating machine that is why that computer notebook is very important. Please daddy, help me do the calculation I hope we have to apply tolerance in any mistake but we have to act as professionals in business and you are in the forefront.

Please daddy how soon are you coming to Ghana I will like you to come by yourself? And please do not forget to send your flight schedule so that I can be able to know when your arrival will be to enable me write to the security company earlier.

Please any clearance you need ask me I do that to the best of my knowledge.

Extend my warm greetings to your family.

Regards,

Phil Zumaroga

From ARNOLD GRASSMAN
Subject: Re: SORRY DADDY IF I SOUND TOO HARSH.
Date: Tue, 08 Nov 2005 15:55:06 -0500
(Let�s start laying it on thicker now. Along with a lot of baloney, we offer Mike to show up unarmed at the Accra airport with a suitcase full of cash. Ripe for the plucking? Maybe, but we�ll see if Phil really wants that scan of his �international ID� sent to an actual bank in Accra. Stanbic Bank just showed up on a Google search, so maybe it�s a fake bank too, but at least all the words are spelled right on the website, and they do give a physical address. Will Phil observe that the font of the name on Mike's "passport" is a little different from the font elsewhere on the scan? Will he calculate that Mike�s picture, the same one you see as Mike Hawk's thumbnail, and actually the mug shot of Tom Delay, the 50-ish prominent American politician recently indicted for financial fraud--doesn�t look like that of a person born in 1977 and photographed in 2003? Time will tell�.)

Dear Phil,

Please--Only babies call their fathers "Daddy"! How silly--try to act like an adult.

As far as telephoning is concerned, we have called you several times, but all we get is a lot of static, a strange noise, a voice speaking a language that neither Mike nor I have ever heard before, and then a beep. You say you don't have an answering machine, so maybe somebody else is listening in to your calls. I can't explain it any other way, but we are not interesting in trying to call you again.

We are now at the hotel I mentioned in Thailand, and will be there until tomorrow, so if you need to talk, try me as soon as you get this message. I'm sorry you think international phone calls are very expensive. They are just as expensive for us, and we've tried several times, so it's your turn. Since this is a million dollar deal, you need to invest a little too. If you don't have $10 for a phone call, how do you pay your lawyer, anyway?

Maybe we won't really need to talk on the phone. I think I understand the whole deal now, and so I know what I want to do.

You say that 7% of $1,700,000 is needed to pay off the government. That would be $119,000. Since I don't have that much in cash, I suggest we use a friendly bank in Ghana to loan us part of the money, based on your representations that all we need is to pay these fees. In Ghana, my computer company always used Stanbic Bank, on Castle Road Ridge in Accra. I know them quite well, and they will certainly loan us part of the money, especially since you are there as a local contact.

They will not loan us all the money, though. You and I need to put up some cash of our own to show them that it is not a purely speculative business deal. I think they would loan us $50,000, so we would have to put up the rest, or $69,000. Since you are getting $1.4M out of the $30M, or about 5%, I think it's only fair that you put up 5% of the cash we'll have to produce, or about $3,500. The rest we can do by cash ourselves. From the sale of our computer company, we have $66,000 in cash, so this will be a good place to invest it.

So, here is what I propose. I will forward your international ID to Stanbic Bank for their satisfaction, and I will say that we need to borrow $50,000. I will not identify exactly what we are doing, just say we need to finance a certain export from Ghana. They should respond quickly, as (1) they know us, and (2) you are a local citizen, an adult, and a responsible member of society. When they give us approval, Mike will come to Accra with the cash. You can meet Mike at the airport or at the bank, and we will conclude the deal there. The bank will issue us a bank check for $50,000, and I think you and Mike should transform all the cash into checks as well. Of course, if the $119,000 doesn't all go to the same government agency, you and Mike will just get a separate check for each agency we have to deal with. Then you and Mike (and your lawyer too, maybe) can go around town getting the necessary approvals, the deal is done, and we're both rich as soon as the gold leaves Ghana. I think you and Mike should travel together with the gold when it leaves Ghana. We don't want anybody trying to steal the gold, now do we?

What do you think? If you already have an account at Stanbic Bank, that will be even better.

Also, attached is a scan of Mike's passport, for your satisfaction.

Let me know if all this is OK, and hopefully we won't have to try to reach each other by phone.

By the way, in your first email to me, you said,

"All the documents of the gold are intact which I will forward to you for your reference."

Since we move about frequently, can you scan them and then email the scans to me please? I'd like to review the documentation.

thanks again, my friend.

Arnold

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]> :
Subject: THE DOCMENTS
Date: Wed, 9 Nov 2005 11:46:28 -0800 (PST)
(now we�re getting some action. Remember before, he couldn�t send the "docments" because the hotel he was staying at had confiscated them because he owed them money? Praise the Lord, he�s out of debt! BUT�I�m not his daddy anymore, and it�s breaking my heart. However, he wants to sleep on it before responding to the modalities proposed, i.e., he needs to ask his partners if they are ready and willing to execute a kidnapping/theft/murder with him, or maybe it's so weird now that he has to ask his boss what to do. Again, time will tell.)

Dear Sir,

Thanks you for your detailed mail. I have decided to send you the documents as I initially promised. But I went through your mail the content are not yet clear to me I need to sleep and go over and over again as it pertains to business and the future of my response determines my ability to answer all questions correctly. Its obvious that any mistake I make will surely affect the future and success of the business please I need to contact the mining company about it and see how possible it can be.

But I hope everything is online. You will hear from me tomorrow.

Bye.

Phil Zumaroga

And then right afterwards...

FROM �PHILIP ZUMAROGA� <[email protected]> again

(O wow, he�s fired his lawyer! But now it�s strictly �mail to mail,� which Arnold has to admit gives him�a happily married, straight, man�the creeps. But now he�s given proof that the gold is REAL REAL REAL�a certificate of deposit signed by no less than the Director of Opertations!):

Subject: THE DOCMENES 2
Date: Wed, 9 Nov 2005 11:57:41 -0800 (PST)
Dear Sir,

One thing I forget to tell you is that you made mention of my lawyer, I decided to take the advice you gave me last time about the lawyer and right from time he has been making things difficult for me so I have decided to drop him in this transaction. This is mail to mail, I no longer tell him of anything pertain this business again and I don�t see anything much about his service rather, only to give me hard advice that will not help me. Honestly I thank you on that advice. We are going to tackle everything with the mining company that will use their export license for the shipment.

Regards,

Phil.

That all so far folks. Keep tuned! Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:47 am

Ok,, now I'm hooked please keep us posted.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 10 Nov 2005 Posts: 5

Damn you, Hawk! I too am a newbie using gold for a hook! I thought I was so damn clever! (All right, let's agree: We're BOTH so damn clever.)

But I'm expanding into illegal ivory, so that's all right. Good luck in your new venture.

Posted: Fri Nov 11, 2005 7:44 pm

Hey, he brought up gold. I'm just a poor greedy businessman waiting to get kidnapped, robbed, and killed at the Accra airport.

Good luck with the ivory. You might stress that they aren't making any more of it.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 10 Nov 2005 Posts: 5

I'm giving thought to running guns and rocket launchers. I believe that the mugus (wish I could find an Ibo site that wrote the tones; it's a lovely, singable language, much too good for these purposes) can discover ANYTHING in those hidden safe boxes.

Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 8:19 pm

(Well, my god-son likes everything except the fact that I say I know a bank in Ghana. In fact, he seems to be terrified that somebody in authority in Ghana might see his ID. What's also very cool is that Phil is employing a tried and true baiter tactic--deliberately misunderstanding. But he's no amateur, is he?)

From: "philip zumaroga" <[email protected]> Save Address Block Sender
Subject: Re: Final arrangements?
Date: Fri, 11 Nov 2005 13:05:38 -0800 (PST)

DEAR Sir,

Thanks so much for your mail and recommendations. That has shown me that you are a businessman with foresight. When I show the director of the mining company the mail he was so much trailed he said he would like to work with you in future.

Firstly, the director of the mining company asked me the destination of your refinery which I was not able to answer because they want to commence the processing of their representative who will accompany the goods with us his travelling documents. So please let me know the destination of the refinery so that I will tell him.

On the issue of security, they gave you kudos for that. He told me that they will arrange for two armed policemen who will accompany us to the office of the security company and other offices. He also told me that he will arrange for a nice car but not limousine either jeep or any other expensive car for the transaction.

On the issue of the bank, I thank you for your predictions but remember I told you right from the very beginning that I don�t want to invest my money in African. I a not going to bank here in Ghana I don�t need any financial assistance or borrowing from the bank. Moreover you too are no longer going for any borrow from them and the huge amount of interest rate is not going to exist again. I proposed that you will assist me in any lucrative business which I can invest my money in your country. Or your country would not permit me to do business, which I am likely to create employment opportunity? In the U.S if one can have $1m dollars the will give you citizenship immediately, so I hope my own will not be exempted. If you want to introduce me to your banker we can go straight to their office we shake hands dine and wine together. Introducing me to your banker should be official not like that. Forwarding my identity card is it to your banker�s friend or the entire bank as wha t? Please tell Mike that when he come he should introduce me to your banker not my ID.

Sir who ever believes in God must believe things of the spirit because God is a spirit. Please we work with faith and our mount cerate�s our future. I highly prophesy that there will be no hindrance in the success of this transaction. The company who will do the shipping is indigenous company registered if anything happen we will hold them responsible. Let me tell you how we will do it, when we get to the security company we will take the gold from them and keep it at mike hotel. We will take a little quantity to the geological survey for analysis lab test and when the result comes we will then pay for the documentation�s while the goods remain with mike at the hotel. So when the processing of the documents is finish then we match to the airport with the goods and board together with their representative.

Sir, please entertain no fear God is with me and the spirit of my father will never allow anything to happen to this gold. My father is behind me.

So go on with your final arrangement with Mike on his arrival soon. Sir, remain blessed I meet you soon.

Regards,

Phil Zumaroga.

(Well, jeepers, Arnold is getting a little suspicious. Why in the world wouldn't Phil want a legitimate Ghana bank see his credentials? Why shouldn't the bank review all the certificates and official documents Phil sent me? Why? His ID doesn't have his name on it, after all, and everything is legitimate, right?... On the other hand, nobody has ever said to me, "I highly prophesy that there will be no hindrance in the success of this transaction," so THAT puts my mind at ease, let me tell you. But, just to be super-sure, let's ask....... Let's also bring in the bank to look at all the documents, just for fun.)

From: "Arnold Grassman"
Subject: Question...
Date: Sun, 13 Nov 2005 15:00:41 -0500

Dear Phil,

Thanks for the information. The general plan is great, and we are working to arrange travel within a week or two. I am concerned about one point, though. You seem extremely reluctant to have my bank know about you or to see your ID, even to the point of taking a loan yourself at high interest after I had agreed to borrow it from the bank and obviously pay the interest myself. Is there some problem there? Do you know Sanbic Bank? Are you in any trouble? This bank is my friend. Since your documentation, certificates, ID, etc. are all in order, why does it concern you so much?

Also, I am afraid I don't understand what the mining company has to do. The gold has been at Messina for 9 years, so obviously it has already been mined. I think I'll ask my friends at the bank if we really need a mining company to complete the transaction.

best wishes,

Arnold

Latest count from my copy of The Lad Vampire: 16.7 Gigabytes sucked out of the lad's servers. Everybody do it, please!

Guest

You're killing him man, too funny.

Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2005 5:51 am

Hey, does anybody reading this know airline schedules to Accra well enough to help me here? I'd like to "arrive" at Accra at an extremely inconvenient time for my lad, say 3am or 5am. I know what you're thinking--"how rude!" Well, if he's going to kidnap me, rob me, and murder me, he should be willing to stay up late at least once, don't you think?

Anyway, I can't find any flights to Accra from anywhere that arrive outside the range 10:30am to 10:30pm. That's no fun! Maybe it's because Accra is such a little shithole that nobody flies there directly, so you always have to take a short hop at a reasonable time from a nearby big city. I know what you're thinking now, too--"Mike picked him..." OK, OK, next time, I'll have to pick myself a higher-class lad.

But I'm still stuck with the problem--does anybody know of any flights arriving to Accra late at night or early in the morning?

Or...is there another international airport within 100 miles that I could arrive at "accidentally" so that he has to drive quite a while to the place where he then waits fruitlessly for me?

Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:34 am

Well, my mugu dodges the question about why he's so afraid of the bank, and replies to the message before that one. Ha ha! Maybe Arnold is so dumb that he forgot he raised the issue!! On the other hand, maybe not. Well, we press on....

From: "philip zumaroga" <[email protected]> Save Address
Subject: PLEASE DO NOT BOTHER ABOUT THE ARRANGEMENT.
Date: Wed, 16 Nov 2005 03:16:58 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

I have taken quality time to meditate on the procedure of raise moeny which i ignornatly involve the mining company and the unlashing of my 3% of my money because of a token $53,000 .00. Please sir i can sense from your last mail that you are not happy about that and that shows how you meant well for me. Honestly i did that because i thought going to the bank will require much stress and procedure. I was ignornat of your relationsip with your bank, i was thinking that by so doing i will help because you told me sometimes that i have to contribute a little while i know i have no source to raise any fund at the moment.

Please do not bother because i have not collected any amount of that figure from them we are only waiting for Mike to come. In that regards, i suggest that when mike comes he will tell them that he don't need then to contribute that he is capable of paying all the fees then we can go for the money at the bank.
Please forgive me in really inexperience. You can see that this are my reason of not recieving my moeny here in African because if i do so i may end up putting the money into useless investments that will not bear any good dividend. Sir please i really need you on my side for the successof my life. I am counting on your vast business experience.

The company have in mind to alert the state security let mike pass through the V.I.P lodge and they will then meet him with Lincon Navigator with armed two security men. Please the company have been good to me i have been very close to them all this time and i have been monitoring their activities with other clients, and their activities has been moving according to the law so please they have no bad thing in mind. The director even told me that he will send his son to be with me if i start up my business.
Please i am now waiting for your final arrangement and Mike's schedule.
I hope you will get back to me soon.Extend my warm greetings to all your families and inform them of being with them in the near future.
Cherrs,
Phil. Zumaroga

Posted: Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:39 am

Arnold got a little bored and decided to take a few days off. However, time, tide, and mugus wait for no man, so we have to stall him. Let's show him what a cool guy he's dealing with, still traveling in the wilds of Thailand. BUT...Arnold encounters a scammer there--just imagine, somebody that is trying to sell gold he doesn't own. Arnold gets a good chuckle out of that and shares it with Phil.

From: "Arnold Grassman" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: PLEASE DO NOT BOTHER ABOUT THE ARRANGEMENT.
Date: Sun, 20 Nov 2005 19:22:09 -0500

Hello Phil,

Sorry to take so long to respond. I was on a hiking safari in the Golden Triangle. You know--the area between Myanmar, Thailand, and China. There are a lot of illegal people there. They try to sell gold, but they really don't have any, ha ha!

Anyway, I have to get back to civilization before we can work on the next steps. Please keep your aura intact. It will take a couple of days. However, everything glitters, doesn't it?

Arnold

Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 6:20 pm

Arnold is bowled away by the concern his mugu is showing him. What a guy! Ya' know, Arnold never thought about being careful about buying gold. What a naive person he is.

To: "Arnold Grassman"
Subject: Re: PLEASE DO NOT BOTHER ABOUT THE ARRANGEMENT.
Date: Mon, 21 Nov 2005 06:34:04 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,
Thanks for your mail. I was aware that you must have travel far but i felt that you suppose to have let me know. Sir honestly, i so much trust on your vast experience in business, but becareful with there before you pay for any gold make sure you take to the lab for them to analysis it and you see the result before yoy can pay. Any procedure more than this can be giltters but.........
Sir, i wish you a fine trip and waiting to hear from you soon. My warm greeting to your family and Mike.
Regards,
Phil.

Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 9:05 pm

Oh oh! Phil is getting testy again. He doesn't like the fact that Arnold has spoken with others about buying gold. He makes a good metaphor about birds, hands, & bushes, too. (I'm tellin' ya, this guy has class.) But what, pray tell, is "inevitable" about Asian gold? I'd like some of that, please, Mr. Mugu.

From: "philip zumaroga"
To: "Arnold Grassman"
Subject: URGENCY SIR FROM PHIL.
Date: Fri, 25 Nov 2005 11:01:44 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,
But it really baffle me that you went to Myanmar to look for gold while my gold is waiting for you Sir, i thought that a bird at hand is more than millions in the bush. SIR I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT Ghana is not my country and i have no family house on my perssonal house here, i came to this country sepcifically because of this gold and i am paying hotel here waiting for you while you are in Asia searching inevitable and unexsiting gold.
Please sir can you do me a favour so that we can hastenn things and have our goal achieved. I am going into hotel debt now and feeding is becoming a problem, please sir i need your urgent help and coming.
I hope you will understand the urgency this requires.
Regards,
Phil.

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 2:31 am

Send him back a quote from the Gatlin Bros. a country group in the U.S.:

"All the gold is in California. Its in a bank in the middle of Beverly Hills in somebody elses name."

Please take care of Mike! Don't let him go to Ghana by himself!

Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 3:21 pm

OH, NO!! A Threat to reduce the amount of gold I'll get! Arnold got bored with Phil and actually had a chance to work at his day job a little bit, so didn't bother with Phil. Alas, Arnold's laziness has started to hurt Phil. Poor Phil is even suffering from hungry or hotel bill.

This is growing old. Hopefully the hook is set and Arnold can reel in a trophy.

From: "philip zumaroga"
Subject: PLEASE RESPOND URGENTLY.
Date: Fri, 2 Dec 2005 02:01:07 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

I am praying to God that nothing be happen to you because this type of silence is quite alarming even though on your last mail you said " in a couple of days" still its getting to 14 days now.

Sir please can i know what is going on? are you still in myanmarr or are you back to base ? how is your family ? any problem? please i am so worried about the whole thing please write me and tell me the condition of things. I am expecting your mail very soon.

Things is getting bad each day, i will not like to be forced to reduce the quanity of the gold because of all this little expenses. I wrote you about the frustration and pressure i am receiving from the people here because of little money i asked for. Please do not let me go into that because of hungry or hotel bill. Sir i don't want to go into details but i hope you can understand me.

Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:21 pm

Arnold took another break from baiting. Does he have the stomach to carry this to its bitter end? HELL YES. Meanwhile, Phil is getting seriously worried and is actually starting to die. Can't have that!

From: "philip zumaroga"
To: "Arnold Grassman"

Subject: I AM DYING IN SILENCE WRITE ME TODAY.
Date: Wed, 7 Dec 2005 04:23:39 -0800 (PST)

Dear Mr. Arnold Grassman,

Sir I am surprise on what is going on now. Sir, honestly, I took you as a father trust and never doubt your ability in any form as far as this business is concern. I have never fail to open my mind for you. I always try in any way I can to see that you and I work together as father and son. Right from the early days, I have never fail to appreciate your effort towards the assistance you are rendering me on the success of this transaction.

You wrote to me last on the 20th of last month and even show a sign of remorse for keeping so long to reply, you even promised to finalize in a couple of days. Sir, please treat me as your son. Anywhere I went wrong, its your duty to correct me and I will appreciate it. God knows since this days I have not be hearing from you its all sleepless night, I don�t feel like eating, I lost my appetite completely.

Please can you write to me and tell me what is actually going on. Its my earnest desire to work with you, because I saw quality business experience in you , working wi th me will propel me to high success, Sir, why are you doing this to me? What have I done? Or are no more working with me? Please tell me your mind. I made you to know that I am living in a hotel and since the director of the mining company are compelling me to reduce the gold and sell to him on a give away rate and I refused thing have never remain the same. I am passing through huge trauma, as feeding now is not easy for me.

Please sir, kindly updates me on the situation of things now so that I can know what to do next. No matter what I have done keeping quite is harming my soul; spea k out so that I will know my stand. Sir, even if your son does bad thing you cannot correct him by keeping quite, it�s dangerous and destructive. Sir I am dying in silence write me today please whatever is your peace of mind tell me.
I am waiting for your reaction.
Regards,
Phil

Well, we just can't have a mugu getting discouraged, so it's time to pop the question....Here goes (holding breath--this is Arnold's first try for a trophy). But first, let's jerk around a little bit.

From: "Arnold Grassman"
To: "philip zumaroga" <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: I AM DYING IN SILENCE WRITE ME TODAY.
Date: Wed, 07 Dec 2005 08:59:46 -0500

OK, we're back in civilization, but unfortunately I was ill for several days. I had picked up and handled some gold statues while in the Golden Triangle. While people weren't looking, I put on of them in "the wrong place" just to see how it felt. That was sure a mistake! I'm afraid I got a touch of gold fever, which is a pretty nasty and unpleasant skin reaction. Given where I got it, life was hardly worth living for a week. Pretty ironic, huh?

Anyway, the financial arrangements sound OK, but I need one more thing from you before Mr. Hunt can make his final plans to return to Accra and complete the deal. It's pretty dangerous to travel with a suitcase containing $66,000, so he needs to be able to make contact with you very quickly. So, in order to identify you right away, I need you to send me another photo of yourself, this time holding a sign with his name on it and an arrow pointing to the ground where you will be standing.

The sign has to be pretty big, as Mike's vision isn't perfect, and have his name printed on it in big bold letters. The photo needs to show your face clearly and also the name clearly and also the arrow clearly. That is, the sign will have to look like this:

MIKE HUNT

|
|
|
\/

And your face and body from the waist up have to be very clear. Please hold the sign in front of your chest.

When we get that image from you, Mike will make his reservations from wherever he happens to be at the time.

Knowing you to be a god-fearing, church-going cretin, i'm sure all will go very well now.

Arnold

Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2005 6:33 pm

Well, Harumph! Phil thinks Arnold doesn't trust him. Is the deal off?

From: "philip zumaroga"
To: "Arnold Grassman" <[email protected]>

Subject: SECURITY FOR MIKE IS POWERFUL
Date: Thu, 8 Dec 2005 10:20:52 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

Thanks for your mail; I hope your health is now okay. The contents of your mail are well understood. First about security, I want you to remember that KOTOKA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT is a big international airport with adequate security Systems and operators. Also I want to bring to your remembrance the formal arrangement we made concerning receiving Mike at the airport with two security men. i was at the company office today, I waited to meet the director about their readiness to fulfill their promise, honestly the man was angry with me, he asked me how much do I think the company worth; do I know how much contribution the company makes to the economic growth of the country; he went further to tell me that as far as KOTOKA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT is concern, I and him will meet Mike at the immigration office and nobody will even check his documents as far as Mike is his client, they will rather treat him like a son of a president.

I continue to show sign of not being s atisfied with all he told me, and then he called the director of immigration and put the phone on a speaker phone and asked me to talk with the man. He asked me when is he coming his name and the airline, the officer later promised that he himself will use immigration vehicle to bring him to his office the director told him he should not worry he will be there to receive him.
Sir, the man told me that mike should send him the name of the airline, and his arrival time and his name on his passport, don�t worry he is secured.
Sir I hope you are with my ID if you want my picture I can send it to you but going for a sign post on my chest with mike name on it is like the company is afraid to receive their client the man is not happy about that he said his company is 101% above that.

Sir, in conclusion, I want to use this medium to assure you of adequate security and you have been coming to Ghana and you suppose to be aware that the security at the airport monitors any movement. Ghana doesn�t joke with anybody who has any bad intention over any Whiteman. Nobody will ever ask Mike any question even if he has visa or not, security for him is powerful, provided we have his arrival time.
Sir, please the director said I should tell you to feel at home Mike will be in safe hands. I am coming back with Mike and the Gold and the company representative that is the verdict. Tell your family and mike we will be celebrating Christmas together.
God has bless us all.
Kind regards,
Phil.

Arnold considered slapping Phil for being a stupid prick, but he was too lazy until now. And then...shiver me timbers(!), but after two days of silence from Arnold, Phil seems to come around...

From: "philip zumaroga"
To: Arnold Grassman

Subject: ADVISE MIKE SCHEDULE.
Date: Sat, 10 Dec 2005 10:07:48 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

I hope by the special grace of God you have fully recovered from the skin infection. Sir, I hope you are satisfied with the formal arrangement, please sir you are on my side, if you are not pleased with any of the arrangement you can inform me so that I work on it for us to have the expected result. If mike will have problem on visual, and still need me picture please let me know so that I can send it to him, or I can describe the type of cloth I will wear to meet him at the airport.

I am so sure that with the arrangement on ground, the sky is our limit. But I will like to bring to your notice that office are likely to seriously engaged by the upper week because of charismas, so I will like us to make is as quick so that we don�t run to worry.
Sir, I wait for Mike flight schedule.
God bless and keep us.
Phil.

Let's accept his offer, as Mike still "have problem on visual". Also, give him the good news that his scam is about to reel in some big bux for him...

From: "Arnold Grassman"
To: "philip zumaroga" <[email protected]>

Subject: Re: ADVISE MIKE SCHEDULE.
Date: Sat, 10 Dec 2005 23:28:20 -0500

Phil,

Thanks, the gold fever rash has cleared up, and I'm back in business.

Thanks for understanding, as you seem to indicate in your email, that Mike really needs that picture. He has been to Accra many times, and I have been there a few, and he just doesn't want to bring a suitcase with $65,000 in cash without a really good picture of what he's going to see when he gets off the plane. In the picture, please wear the clothes you'll be wearing when you meet him. If your other contacts there have a problem with you sending us that assistance, please tell them "Mike Hunt is very demanding. Mike Hunt needs constant reassurance. Mike Hunt is usually empty." (That last refers to his psychic state, of course.)

That said, I'm happy to tell you that Mike is in Europe now and is in the process of withdrawing the cash from our bank there. As you might imagine, taking out that much cash at one time makes the banking authorities worry about illegal activities, and we'd rather not have to explain what we're doing to anybody. So, he has to take it out in quantities of $4,190 or less at a time. That means 2 weeks of going to the bank every day, but he's half-way there.

Also, he has a booking on flights to Accra, based on the assumption that you will send the picture and that the next 10 cash withdrawals also go smoothly. He should arrive in Accra around December 21. We'll give you final arrangements when we get the picture and have all the money in cash.

best,

Arnold

And that's it for now. We're now just awaiting the photo and taking $4,190 a day out of the bank for Phil. Here's hoping Arnold and Mike will get rich. But...will Mike double-cross Arnold for $30M? It's worth considering.

Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 10:57 am

You can always find the Missing Cambodian Gold.

Local legend says its in the Jungle near a Temple called Phra Wihan, located exactly 14.391626 N and 104.680795 E.

Personally I wouldn't go thre looking for mythical gold, its full of Land Mines, which may gove another twist to your story Laughing

FYI, the Place is near the junction of the Thai, Lao and Cambodian boarders, and it really is full of land mines.

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 13 Dec 2005 Posts: 3

I suggest that when Mike doesnt turn up that you explain to the poor mugu that Mike has done a runner to the golden triangle with the cash, and you only found out when you looked through his papers (obviously Mike Hunt is full of sh**)

Posted: Wed Dec 14, 2005 2:10 pm

Good ideas, guys!

I was more limited in my thinking. My plan was to get the trophy picture, then tell him Mike is on his way. There's a KLM flight from Amsterdam that arrives in Ghana around 9pm, then takes off for Amsterdam again at 2am, so I'm going to tell Phil that Mike will arrive at 2am. Mike won't show up (duh), I'll apologize profusely that I gave him the wrong time. Hopefully, this will take a day or two, by which time Mike has had to go back home on urgent business. Again, Mike will be forced to give Phil's computer to the maid, but he will put the cash in his bank, which should make Phil feel better.

Whatever happens in Ghana during Mike's trip, I'll then start offering to send Phil downpayments by Western Union. The usual stuff will happen at that point.

However, your ideas about Mike going back to the Golden Triangle with Phil's cash are great. When Phil complains that Mike never showed up, I'll be surprised, then tell him that Mike has double-crossed both of us in hopes of a big score in Thailand, using Arnold's money to buy more gold even cheaper (ah, that "inevitable" Asian gold!). When that settles down, Arnold will still want to do the Phil deal and make further offers. Maybe Mike Hawk can go to Accra.

I love it! Thanks!

Unfortunately, this does introduce a grain of actual truth into my baiting. Arnold's wife in real life really is from Thailand, and Arnold really has been to the Golden Triangle. I hate to say anything truthful to a mugu, but I guess I put myself in this position.

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2005 12:28 am

Two more weeks of good clean fun, folks. We're getting close to a deal here, and today the real action began. Read on....

First Phil starts backing off on his refusal of a photo

Quote:

From: "philip zumaroga"
Subject: ADVISE MIKE SCHEDULE.
Date: Sat, 10 Dec 2005 10:07:48 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

I hope by the special grace of God you have fully recovered from the skin infection. Sir, I hope you are satisfied with the formal arrangement, please sir you are on my side, if you are not pleased with any of the arrangement you can inform me so that I work on it for us to have the expected result. If mike will have problem on visual, and still need me picture please let me know so that I can send it to him, or I can describe the type of cloth I will wear to meet him at the airport.

I am so sure that with the arrangement on ground, the sky is our limit. But I will like to bring to your notice that office are likely to seriously engaged by the upper week because of charismas, so I will like us to make is as quick so that we don�t run to worry.
Sir, I wait for Mike flight schedule.
God bless and keep us.
Phil.

And Arnold is gracious and forgiving, as usual, and (ever solicitous of poor Phil) offers encouragement and positive reinforcement that Phil is doing the right thing.

Quote:

To: "philip zumaroga" <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: ADVISE MIKE SCHEDULE.
Date: Sat, 10 Dec 2005 23:28:20 -0500

Phil,

Thanks, the gold fever rash has cleared up, and I'm back in business.

Thanks for understanding, as you seem to indicate in your email, that Mike really needs that picture. He has been to Accra many times, and I have been there a few, and he just doesn't want to bring a suitcase with $65,000 in cash without a really good picture of what he's going to see when he gets off the plane. In the picture, please wear the clothes you'll be wearing when you meet him. If your other contacts there have a problem with you sending us that assistance, please tell them "Mike Hunt is very demanding. Mike Hunt needs constant reassurance. Mike Hunt is usually empty." (That last refers to his psychic state, of course.)

That said, I'm happy to tell you that Mike is in Europe now and is in the process of withdrawing the cash from our bank there. As you might imagine, taking out that much cash at one time makes the banking authorities worry about illegal activities, and we'd rather not have to explain what we're doing to anybody. So, he has to take it out in quantities of $4,190 or less at a time. That means 2 weeks of going to the bank every day, but he's half-way there.

Also, he has a booking on flights to Accra, based on the assumption that you will send the picture and that the next 10 cash withdrawals also go smoothly. He should arrive in Accra around December 21. We'll give you final arrangements when we get the picture and have all the money in cash.

best,

Arnold

Try saying that to your friends--Mike Hunt is very demanding. Mike Hunt needs constant reassurance. Mike Hunt is usually empty. I guarantee you'll get lots of sympathy.

So Phil rises to the you-know-what again, like the hard-working dedicated mugu he is:

Quote:

From: "philip zumaroga"
Subject: MY PICTURE.
Date: Wed, 14 Dec 2005 06:26:28 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

Thanks for your previous mail. I hereby forward my picture as requested so that mike can identify. I went through the arrangement procedure which you want to acrry out it perfect. But to also help ourself, i want you to send me the picture of mike so that i too can identify him. Already all our arrangement with the security are intact and we are going to meet him at the immigration office not even outside.

This is the cloth i will wear that day but the most cogent thing is for you to advise Mike's flight schedule so that we will know the time of his arrival and the airline he will take.
I am thanking God for the life of everybody and hope we are meeting each other very soon.
My warm greetings to you and your family together with mike. Please advise this vital information as quick are they are very useful to us. I wait for the final schedule.
God keep blessing all of us.
Regards,
Phil.

Uh-oh! Phil didn't follow his orders--I won't post the picture, as it's too boring for words, just a guy standing looking at the camera--no poster--Bad Phil, Bad! Let's not slap him, but still in pursuit of the trophy, let's be short and succint.

Quote:

From: "Arnold Grassman"
To: "philip zumaroga"Subject: Re: MY PICTURE.
Date: Wed, 14 Dec 2005 13:02:46 -0500

Thanks, but this picture is pretty fuzzy. That's why we need a picture of you holding the sign.

It's a MUST!

thanks,

Arnold

Oh dear, Phil resists again. But because he can't resist running off at the mouth either, Phil gives Arnold a reasonable comeback...

Quote:

From: "philip zumaroga"
Subject: SIR, NO ANXEITY.
Date: Thu, 15 Dec 2005 03:48:56 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

Please with all humility, let us not drag somehing that has no economic importants. Under normal circumstance as far as Mike has little problem on vision, and we have promised that we will meet him at the office if the immigration where the immigration will stamp him entry, from there we will proceed with him.
What you suppose to do is to send me his passport photocopy or photo, but i see it as not much important because i we will meet him with at the immigration office.

The director said if he like he will only give mike's name to the immigration officer, immediately he gets there they will bring him to his office and they will offer him adequate security. Please sir, Mike security is my security, and you should know that i am aware that mike is coming for my progress so i will offer my life to see that everything works well so please i will do everything to see tha t we are successful. Do not be afraid this is my life and i cannot joke with it please feel at home.

Please advise his flight schedule in advance.
Remain blessed.
Phil.

and then

Quote:

From: "Arnold Grassman"
To: "philip zumaroga"
Subject: Re: SIR, NO ANXEITY.
Date: Thu, 15 Dec 2005 11:20:18 -0500

Phil,

Contrary to what you say, this matter has high economic importance to all of us.

Mike will come to Accra after we have the picture of you holding the sign.

Mike will not come to Accra before we get the picture of you holding the sign.

So you see, this whole deal now depends on you providing a good picture of you holding the sign. We will accept nothing less.

I'm not anxious, and Mike isn't anxious. We're both very patient. We are not joking with your life; we are giving you a requirement. You have not met that requirement so far.

However, you only have a few days before Mike's present reservation on December 21. In fact, he has to buy his tickets a couple of days earlier, so time is running out fast for this particular trip.

As far as Mike's photo is concerned, I sent you a scan of his passport quite a while ago.

I also appeal to you as a church-going cretin. We now have all the money in cash and would like to make the deal. I also selected a nice notebook computer for you this time from our inventory--an IBM/Lenovo X419. Have you heard of it--it is highly rated.

Arnold

Bitch bitch whine whine moan moan...

Quote:

From: "philip zumaroga"
Subject: PLEASE SIR LET ME SEND ANOTHER PICTURE.
Date: Fri, 16 Dec 2005 10:47:38 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

I received your mail and all the contents are well noted. But sir, one thing I will like you to understand is the condition I am facing here. I am sorry if the picture did not appear clearly. Please sir, I plead to you as a father allows me to send another picture that will appear so bright. Today I went to an artist to make the board and the writing for me and they were charging me 120 thousand cedis which I don�t have and I told the director if he can assist me for the money he just told me that he has done what is can for me.

Please sir, with all respect, at the moment I have no money to pay for an artist consider my plight and remember we have some holiday around the comer so delaying is not of any interest. Please sir you have not sent me mikes passport or any picture ever before check very well sir.
If you can see I have tried all I can in order to see that everything worked out well for us, and it will work completely. Understand that my problem is that I have no money to do it now not that I am persisting that I will not. Please sir confirm let me send you another picture so that mike can see well. I believe you will understand my plight.
If you can confirm to me by phone I will send it immediately.
Sir I am waiting for your confirmation.
Regards,
Phil.
+233-244-717215

We can't let this kind of talk influence us, though, even though Arnold is Phil's father again, now can we?

Quote:

Arnold Grassman

Thanks, but we are running out of time.

I never complained that the previous picture was too bright. Where did you get that idea?

I did say that you were not holding the required sign. That requirement still holds.

Why you think you have to go to a professional sign shop is beyond me.

Just get a piece of poster board maybe 60cm by 90cm. This should cost no more than a few dollars or equivalent.

Then borrow a large marker pen. You shouldn't even have to buy one--just find one that makes a broad line.

Then write Mike Hunt's name on the poster with the pen.

Then add the arrow pointing to the ground.

Then return the marker pen.

Then have someone photograph you holding the sign in front of you so that both your face and the full material on the sign are visible.

Total cost: a few dollars.

Here in Thailand, I looked in an office supply catalog, and the poster board plus the marker are for sale new for only 419 baht, which is really a small amount of money.

I'm astonished that you are talking about business deals worth many millions of dollars and yet you are worried about paying for phone calls and posters.

A while ago you referred to your lawyer. Obviously if you have the funds to pay a lawyer, you have the means to satisfy this simple (but mandatory) request. Furthermore, your lawyer will surely have the materials you require just sitting in his office.

We are now really getting short on time. Act fast or Mike will have to put his visit off until January after the new year.

best wishes, but a little frustrated,

Arnold

p.s. I sent you a scan of Mike's passport on Tuesday November 8. Please check your records better. If necessary, I can send it again, but I don't want to do that until you find my earlier email. The subject line was "RE: SORRY DADDY IF I SOUND TOO HARSH" Remember saying that to me?

More bitching, whining, and groveling...

Quote:

From: "philip zumaroga"
To: "Arnold Grassman"
Subject: I HAVE TAKEN THE PICTURE YOU GET IT LATER OR2 MORROW OR EARLY MONDAY.
Date: Sat, 17 Dec 2005 10:08:28 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

Mike can go ahead and buy his ticket i have taken the picture today with all the requirement in place, but unfortunately the photographer was not able to print the picture today because its just right now 17:58 hours gmt so he told me that if the phote lab works tomorrow being sunday it will be ready tomorrow but if they don't work then it will be first thing monday morning.

So please i can now understand your reason and i hope that our aim will be achieved. please if possible let mike make it before the 21st you said so that we can use the 21st for the processing of the documents.

please i have checked under this subject l "RE: SORRY DADDY IF I SOUND TOO HARSH" mike passport was not scanned to me please send it very important. And please advise his schedule.
you get the picture tomorrow evening or early morning on monday everything will be o k soon. Yes the director is asking me the direction where you want to refiney the gold so that they will apply for the visa of the representative who will accompany us.
Please advise this informations.
God Bless and keep us till we meet very soon.
Regards,
Phil.

and now, folks, THE TROPHY!!!!! (plus a lot of VERY SERIOUS BUSINESS TALK)

Quote:

From: "philip zumaroga"
Subject: HERE IS THE PICTURE.
Date: Sun, 18 Dec 2005 10:39:55 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

As i told you yesterday i put much pressure on the photographer and he was able to provide the picture today. I hereby send the picture to you. The arrangement stands unchanged. There is no reason for any change, the chrismas fall on sunday which is normally not a working day and 26 which Iis worldwide public holiday (the boxing day)and all government offices strictly opens for business from 27th.

I have verified from the director if it can be possible to secure all the required shipment DOCUMENTS in two days he told me that there is no doubt that if the process is started early morning its a question of paying to the various agencies the money and obtaining the documents. In summary two working days are enough to get all documents ready so please there is no need of extending.

Christmas is the rememberance of the birth of our saviour Jesus Christ, it cannot prevent us or me in doing or travelling to my destination. Christ says "I come that you might have life and have it in abundance" so i am doing what Christ came for i am fight to get my goods sale and get a good start. When i come i will also tell the secret of solomon wealth as the richest king in his own time.
Sir, i look foraward to have flight sechdule of Mr. Mike.

Happy xmas in advance to you and all the family members.
May God bless and open doors of breakthrough as we celebrate his memorable birth.
Regards,
Phil.

Doesn't that just touch your heart--the lad is such a good cretin, he deserves to get rich, doesn't he?

Well, here it is...

This is almost what I imagined. I wanted the arrows to point down to my lad's crotch, but since I probably won't ever get anything better, here it is:

Sigh. Maybe I'll do better next time.

As one of my college profs said about one of my papers, the notion was brilliantly conceived and fairly well executed.

Anyway, this is the best that this particular bait will do, so onward to the next event--THE AIRPORT MEETING (no doubt followed in Phil's mind by the VISIT TO THE BANK and then the very sad ROADSIDE AMBUSH, in which Mike loses all his money and possibly his life too). So, onward indeed:

Quote:

From Arnold Grassman
December 18
Subject: re Here is the picture

Great. The picture looks good. Thanks very much. Since you didn't answer about the notebook computer choice, Mike will just brin g an IBM X-419. I think you'll be very happy with it.
Mike has his ticket now and is booked on KLM flight 590, Accra at 22:00 on 12/21/05. He will look for you and your sign--please hold it high in the air!
All the other arrangements sound fine. Let's be sure to celebrate a lot together when we are all golden with wealth.
Please send me updates whenever you can. As soon as you and Mike connect, please find a way to send me an email. There must be terminals there at the airport.
Best wishes,
Arnold

Arnold includes another scan of Mike's passport, and it definitely wasn't a windows system .DLL file renamed to .JPG, that's for durn sure. But Oh my, did Arnold give the departure time of the flight out of Accra instead of the arrival time of the flight in? Golly. If Phil checks, we are in deep yoghurt. But then this:

Quote:

From: "philip zumaroga"
To: "Arnold Grassman"
Subject: THANKS GOD IS WITH US.
Date: Mon, 19 Dec 2005 05:31:29 -0800 (PST)

Dear Sir,

Thank so much for your mail and the flight schedule. I want to assure you that i as sacrifice my life to see that this transaction go through according to the way we want it.
Accordng to our decision, i have no choice because you know about all this computers more than me so i was only relying on you because i beleive that you will give me the best, the one that will serve the purpose.

I strongly beleive that our aim is acieved.
I thank God for the life of everybody our families and who ever is making this transaction a reality.
Regards,
Phil.

Just warms your heart all over again, doesn't it? He doesn't say a word about the passport scan--did he even try to open it? Why should he, when he's just about to score big big big.

BUT THEN THIS!!!!!

Quote:

From: "philip zumaroga"
To: "Arnold Grassman"
Subject: WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT !!!
Date: Wed, 21 Dec 2005 14:08:18 -0800 (PST)

DEAR MR. ARNOLD,

I WAS TOTALLY DISAPPOINTED ON THE FLIGHT SCHEDULE YOU SENT TO ME. SIR, AS I TOLD YOU OF THE SECURITY ARRANGEMENT IN PLACE, WE ALL WENT TO THE AIRPORT VIA, TWO SECURITY MEN ASSISTANT DIRECTOR INCLUDING THE CAR WE HIRED AS PER OUR FORMAL ARRANGEMENT. TO OUR GREATEST SURPRISE WE CROSS CHECKED AT THE MANIFEST OF THE KLM MIKE HUNT WAS NOT FOUND, THE FLIGHT THAT CAME WAS 589 AND THE ARRIVAL TIME WAS 20.00 HOURS. OH GOD! WAHOOO!!!!!

SIR, PLEASE WHY IS IT SO? UPON THE SIGN I HAD TOGETHER WITH MIKE PASSPORT PHOTOGRAPH ON A BOLD OF A4 SHEET. PLEASE CAN I KNOW WHY THIS DISAPPOINTMENT. EVERYBODY WAS ANGRY WITH ME FOR MISINFORMATION. AND THE MOST WORRIED PART OF IT IS THE CARE THE DIRECTOR HIRED FOR $120 DOLLARS AND THE HOTEL RESERVATION MADE.

SIR I WAS TOTALLY LOOKING LIKE STUPID THE WAY AND MANNER EVERYBODY WAS TALKING TO ME BLAMING ME GUSHING WORDS UNTO ME CAL LING ME ALL KINDS OF NAMES IN THEIR LANGUAGE.. BUT SIR, IF EVEN IF THERE IS ANY CHANGE YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME EARLIER AND YOU ALLOW US TO UNDERGO ALL THIS EXPENSES.
tHE IMMIGRATION OFFICER EVEN ASKED ME FROM WHERE THE MAN IS COMING I TOLD HIM LONDON WHICH I AM NOT EVEN SURE OF AND THEY ASKED ME TO CALL YOU TO CONFIRM THE SITUTAION I TOLD THEM I DON'T HAVE THE NUMBER BECAUSE OF THIS THEY NEARLY ABOUNDON ME AT THE AIRPORT.
PLEASE CONFIRM THE SITUTAION FOR ME VERY URGENTLY.
REGARDS,
PHIL.

N/B BELOW IS THE FLIGHT SCHEDULE YOU SENT TO ME REVERSE IT PLEASE.

Gosh, he sounds upset. We need to apologize immediately and set things right in order to regain his confidence, don't we? With any luck, we can have Phil spending a few hours on the phone trying to reach Mike, and if not, then the question is, "Is Phil ready to come on to every white man in every gay bar in Accra for the sake of his $119,000?"

Quote:

From: "Arnold Grassman"
To: "philip zumaroga"
Subject: Re: WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT !!!
Date: Wed, 21 Dec 2005 18:16:10 -0500

Well!

I was about to email you and ask why you didn't inform me that Mike was there with the money.

Looking again at the note he gave me, I see that yes, Mike arrived on flight 589 at 20h. He will leave on flight 590 at 22:00 in a few days.

I'm very sorry. It looks as though I gave you bad information.

Unfortunately, the plan was that he would be staying at a hotel arranged by you, so I'm afraid I don't know where he is right now. He must have waited for you and then gone into town.

All you can do now is try to reach him. I know he sometimes stays at the Golden Tulip Hotel, but sometimes also at the Novotel or the La Palm Royal, or the Emperor Suites, or even sometimes the Labadi Beach Hotel. I'd suggest you call him there in the morning. Without a reservation anywhere, if I know him (and I do), he probably went over to Labadi Beach to look for something.

Another possibility, if you want to connect with him tonight, is to go to the places he likes to go. Since he is gay (homosexual), he goes to all the gay bars. You could try going there and looking for a middle-aged white man matching the picture I sent you. If you don't find him there, you probably will find somebody there that has seen him, as he really enjoys that scene. (I never told you he was gay, but I did say he liked your young people.)

Certainly, if I hear from Mike, I will send him your telephone number. He was so sure of meeting you there, he didn't take it from me.

Once again, I'm sorry, and I'm worried about my $66,000 too!

Please let me know as soon as you contact Mike. Thanks, partner!

Arnold

And there it stands for now. What's next? I wait with awe and wonder.

p.s. added later: If the gay bar modality offends anybody, I am truly sorry. Here in San Francisco, my gay friends think it's really funny to imagine poor Phil going cruising in every gay bar in town, looking for Mike Hunt where there's none to be found. However, it's possible that others might be offended. Tell me privately if so.

Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 1:53 am

Quote:

TO OUR GREATEST SURPRISE WE CROSS CHECKED AT THE MANIFEST OF THE KLM MIKE HUNT WAS NOT FOUND, THE FLIGHT THAT CAME WAS 589 AND THE ARRIVAL TIME WAS 20.00 HOURS. OH GOD! WAHOOO!!!!!

That was sooo hilarious. Smile

Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 3:27 am

Mike Anderson wrote:

Quote:

TO OUR GREATEST SURPRISE WE CROSS CHECKED AT THE MANIFEST OF THE KLM MIKE HUNT WAS NOT FOUND, THE FLIGHT THAT CAME WAS 589 AND THE ARRIVAL TIME WAS 20.00 HOURS. OH GOD! WAHOOO!!!!!

That was sooo hilarious. Smile

I thought that it was Airline Policy these days NOT to say who was travelling on the aircraft. Very Happy

Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2006 7:31 pm

Quote:

I thought that it was Airline Policy these days NOT to say who was travelling on the aircraft.

Well, yes, almost all airlines will refuse to tell you if a specific person is on an incoming flight. Perhaps after the plane lands, they will tell you more information. That's what I told Phil, and I suggested that he just hadn't bribed the authorities enough.

It was also pretty funny that Phil said, "Wahooo!". The normal mugu cry is "WooooHoooo," but maybe they say "Wahoo" when things go wrong. Poor Phil.

Anyway, Phil has pretty much given up on me, and the only thing left is a scathing denunciation. What's hilarious is that our 419eater brother R VANDERBUR has just started up with the same guy (Phil). Phil has been complaining to R VANDERBUR about the "gay actions" of the person he almost sold the gold to. Fellow baiters, that hurts!

Well, let's all wish R VANDERBUR the best of luck, and possibly two bad experiences in a row will convince Phil that he really should pick another line of work, such as breaking up rocks for highways.

*** BANNED *** Joined: 02 Jan 2006 Posts: 2021

i rushed home from work today just for that update.....great stuff

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