Its not much but im only new!

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Hello I'm New here! Joined: 01 Nov 2005 Posts: 19

I have been dealing with a Mr Walter Morris (taken from the 419 surplus files) who works for Mercedes Bennzz (not a typo thats how he spells it). After initially replying to him stating my interest he did not respond for few days so I sent him some snotty emails basically telling him to get his thumb outta his ass cause I wanna get rich!

Finally he replies with this:

Quote:

Thanks for the interest shown to our proposal. First we must thank you for picking up the consideration to be our representative.We are an organisation that stood test of time,we are not only an organisation but an organisation with a difference.

Our organisation deals mainly on the sales and manufacturing,as well as exporting of these products to international countries like America,canada and some countries in Europe.We need your assistance in establishing a medium of getting to our customers in Europe, North America/Canada as well as making payments through you to us. Presently we have some outstanding customers who are willing to effect payments and we wish to finalize your application process as soon as possible so you can start handling these projects for us.

The company assures all representative of maimum compensation of which some certain percentage is being set aside for their time and effort.We assure you that you will have a nice time working with us.Immediately we have received all neccessary informations requested of you,we shall forward your file to our head quarter where it will be ascertained and on their satisfaction you will Immediately be confirmed and appointed a representative for this company.

You will Immediately be contacted by our customers who wants to effect payment to the company for their payments. When you receive the payments,you will be instructed to deduct some certain percentage and then remit the balance funds to the company's account. If we are able to build and sustain this business relationship(based on trust of course),Then we can be sure of a good working relationship between you and this company.

Please send your complete contact details(Full Names,Mailing addresses, phone/fax numbers); this is a safe measure to know exactly whom we are dealing with. I would pass it along to our customers and within a few days they will be contacting you and perfect modalities of getting the payment across to you. I will endeavour to contact you via the phone number you have provided before then.

Thanks and hope this is the beginning of a mutually beneficial business relationship.

Best Regards,

Mr.Walter Morris,
Secretary General
Mercedes Benzz international

Didnt read it? No either did I.

This is the response I have just sent him:

Quote:

Dear Walt,

Thank you for finally bothering to reply to me. I certainly hope you
shape up and fly right when it comes to making money!

Firstly i would just like to point something out to you. Due to an
unfortunate drunken rimming incident while I was posted in Saigon with
the 419th Infantary Division, I have a bullet lodged in my sphcinter
which has rendered me completely deaf and also causes my to get
absolutely fucking mind blowing migraines if I try to read emails that
are to long.

Therefore could you kindly send me a shorter email that is straight to
the point and tells me the following details.

1. What EXACT details do you require from me?
2. How much money am I going to make?
3.when will I receive the FREE Mercedes car you offered me in earlier
corrospondonce
4. A copy of your passport and work ID so that I know you are not some
rabid infested, after been biten by a baboon in heat, sweaty fat
Nigerian try to scam money out of me.

When I receive the above details then we shall continue with business.

happy bukkake,

Brian

As you may have noticed I have taken some inspiration from the great Larry Flynt in my reply!

Have I slapped to early? After not replying to five emails, or even apologising for not replying, I thought it was the least he deserved!

Any comments greatly appreciated

Hello I'm New here! Joined: 01 Nov 2005 Posts: 19

Cheeky little f***er! I just got this reply from mr morris "assistant":

Quote:

Dear Sir,

It is my pleasure to write to you in respect of our organisation,in regards your willingness to be the representative of our great company.

You were been reported to us by our front desk over the rude mails you send regarding your application.Due to the daily increase of individuals and corporate organisations on wanting to be a representative we are takeing this process gradually.
From your mails sent to us we are begining to lack confidence in you and we want you to reaffirm your commitment and surpport of working with us.

Futhermore we have not been able to process any information on you because you have not answered the questions asked in our circular letter.

All corresspondece should be made available to
Mr Walter Morris
[email protected]

Thanks
simon Oak,
Strategic manager

So this is what I replied back to him:

Quote:

Dear Simon,

The reason i have been sending you rude emails is that your company takes an inordinate amount of time to reply to me. If we are to go ahead with this business I expect prompt replies to my emails and to not have to be sitting here with my dick in my hand waiting for you to remove your aposable digits from your rectal cavity and get back to me!

As for questioning my confidence and commitment: Did it once enter your brain that if I was not serious about this deal that I wouldnt bother sending you the emails that I did? If i didnt want to go ahead i wouldnt bother sending you emails asking you to hurry up.

if you could kindly resend me the details that i have not supplied to you i will be happy to let you know everything that you require.

To say i am dissappointed with your tone in this email is a massive understatement and I will say that if i EVER receive an email of this type again I will cut ALL business with Mercedes Benz and take my business to BMW as they are much more polite than you are in their emails to me and they at least respond quickly!

Thanks

Brian

Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 2:57 am

I like your style - maybe you slapped him a *bit* too early, but it makes good readin' anyway!

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