The Barrister vs. The Knight

By joining our community you will have the ability to post topics and access other forums reserved for members. Registration is quick, simple and absolutely free. Join our community today by clicking here.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

I've been wanting to publish this bait for a while now, but once I got to "unsurmounted", I couldn't wait any longer.
Sir William Wonka, Wonka Enterprises Ltd.
Barrister Williams Obi
Harrison Chukwu, Director of Foreign Operations at their fake bank
I'll skip the intro letter, it's pretty blase, just some BS about some poor engineer that died in a tragic accident and will I claim to be his next of kin. He's a pretty rich engineer at $16M, though.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Obi,

Terribly sorry to hear about that poor chap Mr. DanBar and his family.
It seems like a long time since the accident occurred; I am,
therefore, quite surprised to be hearing from you. However, I may be
willing to make use of my financial resources to help you. Before we
can even begin, however, I do have to inquire about the legitimacy of
this transaction - I am, after all, a Knight of the British Empire,
and I have a very high-profile business. It would not reflect well on
my honour or my name to be suckered into a highly illegal financial
proceeding. If you can assure me of this and of some other matters in
which I require some further knowledge, I shall see what I can do to
assist you.

All the best,
Will

I wanted to be suspicious right off the bat - maybe give off an air of being a rich bastard. Apparently, it worked.

Quote:

Dear Mr.Will,

Thank you so much for your response to my proposal, for your information this transaction must be legal and official, be rest assured that your name will be protected during and after this transaction.

I am happy to have some body of your caliber to do this with, your personality has given me the confidence that my interest will be protected when the fund finally reach your bank account.

Right now I will like you to forward the required information to enable me start the process of the transfer in your favour.

I need your private phone number, fax, your full name, address and a very good bank account where you will like the fund (USD 18 million) to be transfer into.

Please you must understand that this transaction require absolute confidentiality, more so we must trust each other and be our Brothers keeper.

I look forward to reading from you again.

Thanks

Your Friend

Obi.

Mister? You address me as mister?! Learn who you're foolin' with, boy! Oh, and while you're at it, pick an email address and stick with it.

Quote:

Mr. Obi,

I would appreciate it, first of all, if you used my proper title
"Sir". I had to do much hard work and brave many perils to obtain
this title, and I appreciate being shown the respect I deserve for
such accomplishments. Secondly, I notice that you are using a
different email address than the one I first contacted you on. I will
require some measure of trust that you are, indeed, the Mr. Williams
Obi that first contacted me concerning this endeavour. I am afraid
that I cannot disclose any more personal information until this has
been accomplished. Perhaps you could have a photograph taken of
yourself and send it to me? I may be persuaded to compensate you for
any cost you might incur.

All the best,
Will

Yes, at this point, I was contemplating a trophy, but as my first bait, I decided to take it easy and just waste the lad's time. My objective, which has been achieved, was to go at least two weeks before any request for fees was made. At this rate, this idiot will never get a payday. Of course, what he doesn't know is that he's not going to anyway Twisted Evil

Quote:

DEAR WILLIE WONKA (SIR)

FOR MORE CLARIFICATION AND TO MAKE YOU LESS CURIOUSITY, MY FULL NAME IS BARRISTER WILLIAMS A OBI.I HAIL FROM ISU IN ENUGU STATET BORN ON MARCH 11TH 1950 INTO THE FAMILY OF CHIEF AND CHIEF MRS.PATRICK ADAMS OBI.MY FATHER WAS A SHOOL TEACHER WHILE MY MOTHER WAS A NURSING SISTER.THEY WERE PURELY CHRISTIANS WHICH I AM ALSO.

TO BE BRIEF, I BAGGED MY FIRST DEGREE IN LAW FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF NIGERIA, NSUKKA IN THE YEAR 1975.HOWEVER I WORKED WITH LEGAL AIDS COUNCLE TILL THE WAKE OF 1977 WHEN I WENT IN FOR MY MASTERS DEGREE.LIFE TO ME THEN WAS AT A STAND STILL AND HECTIC BECAUSE I HAD TO CATER FOR MY WIFE AND NEWLY BORN BABY.I GOT MARRIED TO MISS CYNTHIA IN 1976, A GRADUATE OF AGRICULTURE AND FORESTRY.SHE WORKS PRESENTLY WITH THE NIGERIA NATIONAL AGRICULTURAL RESEARCH INSTITUTE HERE IN LAGOS.

HOWEVER, UPON COMPLETION OF MY PROJECT (MASTER DEGREE IN LAW) IN THE UNIVERSITY IN 1979,I WORKED WITH FEDERAL MINISTRY JUSTICES THROUGH MY ELDER BROTHER HELP WHO WAS THEN A COLONEL IN THE NIGERIA ARMY.BEFORE I LEFT TO PRACTIES PRIVATE LEGAL PRATITIONAL .MY MARRIAGE IS HOWEVER BLESSED WITH 3(THREE) CHILDREN AMONG WHOM ARE SMART.HE IS THE ONLY MALE CHILD, BORN IN 1976,ROSEMARY A BANKER, 1978 (MARRIED) AND IFEOMA, 1981.

I AM PRESENTLY RESIDIND AT NO.2 JOSEPH EGOBIA STREET, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT THIS IS MY THIRD MAJOR INTERNATIONAL TRANSACTION SINCE I STARTED PRACTICING PRIVATE LEGAL PRATITIONAL AS A PROFESSION.I PRAY THAT THIS BIOGRAPHY WILL HELP REDUCE YOUR CURIOCITY.

I AM VERY MUCH AFTER THE SOLID RELATIONSHIP WE ARE TRYING TO BUILD BACAUSE I BELIEVE THAT FRIENDS ARE MADE AND SOME ARE DISCOVERED.AND I ALSO BELEIVE I HAVE GOTTEN A TRUE FRIEND IN YOU.LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT MY WORD IS MY HONOUR.KINDLY GIVE ME A BRIEF BIOGRAPHY OF YOURSELF TO ENABLE ME KNOW YOU BETTER AS YOU KNOW, WE HAVE NEVER MET.I ONLY CONTACTED YOU BY EMAIL.

I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR USEING A DIFFIRENT EMAIL IN THIS REPLY IT IS MY ALTERNATIVE AND MOST PRIVATE EMAIL BOX I HAVE.

EXPECTING YOUR RESPONSE.GOD BLESS YOU.

BARR WILLIAMS OBI ESQ.

He attaches this HIDEOUS picture which I will spare all of you for the present - it looks like it was taken circa 1970, of a black guy with a curly white wig. At any rate, I am not in a terribly slap-happy mood - I'm actually feeling pretty good of late - so I back off. He wants my information in return, so I gladly comply, thanks to the dll modality. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dear Mr. Obi,
Thank you for the picture and biography. You sound like a decent
chap. Quite ridiculous things the make you wear in law school, eh? I
presume that is a yearbook photo of some sort. At any rate, my
biography is fairly long and involved, so I will attach it for your
perusal. I'm glad to hear you are a Christian; as a loyal member of
the Church of England, I can know that I have not only found a friend
in the wide world, but also a brother. Thank you for your trust; I do
not intend to let it be ill-placed.

All the best,
Will

And he complains that he can't download them. Gee, must be that stupid version of Office that MS had to sell overseas due to monopoly restrictions. I'm having too much fun.

Quote:

Sir Willie Wonka

How are you today?i write to remind you,to send the information i requested from you in my last email, to enable me filing the application of claim on your behalf ,also the attach picture and biography you send to me could not down load i demand for another one as soon as possible.

Thanks and God bless you and your Family.

Best Regards

Barrister Williams Obi.

Oh, so he demands, eh? Time to lay some smackdown:

Quote:

Mr. Obi,
What do you mean, you DEMAND another one?! You would DARE to try to
order me to do something? Sir, with all due respect, I believe you
are mistaken. I take my orders from the Queen and no one else. Now
if you would be so kind as to ask me politely to send you another, I
will consider your request. Until then, I would recommend that you
learn to respect those with whom you intend to do business, lest you
lose a valuable ally in your attempt to recover this money. Good day
to you.

All the best,
Will

Quote:

Hello My Brother (Sir).

How are you today?Your Family,Business and every other thing,i'm sure all is going accordingly if so thanks to our almighty God.

Well,i am so sorry if you have misundertsood my comment in my previous e-mail,i do not mean to sound disrespectful ,i was humbly trying to let you know that the Biography and the picture you send was not able to down load that was why i am demanding for another one ,please i am sorry once again.

Sir,i will appreciate it if you will treate this e-mail as a subject of urgent so that we can proceed further with out much delay and i want to inform you that as soon as i receive your response to this e-mail i will send over to you an application of claim for you to go through it before we can submit it to the Bank.

Thanks and God be with you and your family.

Best Regards,

Barrister Williams Obi Esq.

No, God be with YOU - you're gonna need it by the time I'm finished torturing you. But again, I'm a nice guy, so I'll let you get away with it - for now.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Obi,

Do not be too worried, brother, I realise that not everybody has had
experience in communicating with someone of my stature. I am a
forgiving fellow, and I am sure you intended no disrespect. Now then,
about the biography and photograph, may I ask what your intentions are
with regard to these documents? I have no desire to disclose any of
my highly sensitive personal information unless there is a justifiable
need for it. I can reassure you that I am as earnest and eager about
this business as you are, but I am also a cautious man and I must take
every precaution to protect myself. Thank you for your understanding.

All the best,
Will

And this, my friends, is why it's taken so long to get even this far. Of course, I don't really CARE, per se, but I'm surprised that my scammer isn't itching to yoink some of my millions.

Quote:

Dear Mr. Obi,
It has been a couple of days, and you have not yet replied to my email. Are you alright? Is everything okay with our business? Will we be able to proceed on any sort of a reasonable timetable? Get back to me as soon as you can; I am anxious to hear from you.

All the best,
Will

Ahh, now it's about time to introduce another character. His emails actually got delivered to my spam box, so I will post those at the time I actually received them rather than in chronological order. First, this:

Quote:

Dear Willie Wonka,

Thanks immensely for your e-mails.I am sorry for not replying your mail before now,i have been very busy trying to perfect all the modalities for us to have a hitch transaction.Everything concerning this transaction is in perfect condition.

Below is the Text of Application you should send to the paying Bank "Standard Bank Plc" and immediately the Bank receive it,they will act accordingly.

APPLICATION TEXT

The Principal Manager
Standard Trust Bank Plc .
23 Road Festac Town ,
Lagos � Nigeria
Tel:234-1-776-2527 Fax 234-1-290-5546
[email protected]

Attn:Mrs.Victoria Ozioma,

Dear Sir,

APPLICATION FOR THE CLAIM OF (USD 18 million) IN A/C
NO USFC � 004417672 �58 DEPOSITED WITH YOUR BANK BY MY
LATE UNCLE ENGINEER STEVE DANDAR.

I hereby submit this my application as the authorized next of kin to late Engineer Steve Danbar requesting that you transfer the total amount of (USD 18 million) belonging to my late Engineer Steve Danbar deposited account No. STB- 004417672- 58 with your (branch into your account) that will soon be submitted by me to your bank I am the head of the family and before his sudden death I was appointed as the authorized next of kin to late Mr. Clive Hostetler.

I will be grateful if this my application will receive quick attention and payment approvals. Please should you need any document to support my claim be free to contact me.

Thanks.

Yours faithfully
NB:This (USD 18 million) is urgently needed for the up keep of the family.

Please urgently forward the above text of application to the Standard Trust Bank through the above contact information.As soon as they receive it,they will commence on our on the transfer processes.

Thanking you for your understanding .

Truely Yours,
Barr:Williams.

+234-803-515-2827.

Note the name of the bank. I ignore him. He gets back to me this morning with this:

Quote:

wAttn:Willie Wonka.

Dear Sir,

I never intented keeping you at bay but I will like to be specifics here.Sir,the normal routine as it concerns Banking which is a globally practiced must be observed as a matter of urgency .Sorry for not dropping some few lines at least to acquint you on the latest development.

To be candid,all arrangements must have to be made and besides in nigeria,you give Ceaser what belongs to him and that is exactly what I have been doing.Going round to give tips to highly placed people so that our issue will be treated with despatch.

My last port of call an hour ago was the Headquarters of Inland Bank Plc situated at No 5 Idowu Taylor Street,Victoria Island.I personally took some valuable gift items to the Director of Foreign Operations purpporting they were sent to him by you.He showed appreciation.

He promised he was going to instruct the Secretary to communicate you without delay.Have you been reached?Do not react to any message from any quarter either by mail,fax or telephone without letting me to know for approval because we have reached a crecendo and any mistake can cost us this great opportunity which we are supposed to handle with both hands.

Reading your mail asap will be an opportunity I will for ever live to cherish.Since you bluntly refused giving me your telephone number,why not reach me on my cell number (+234-802-959-4086.) Greet all and sundry Sir.

Best regards,

Williams Obi (Esq)

Yes, why not reach him on his cell number? Twisted Evil

Y'all know the modality.
Now, at this point I realize that email from the "banker" has landed in my spam box instead of my inbox. I fix that nix and do a quick little check. Gee, they seem to share an IP address. Wonder who this "Harrison Chukwu" guy really is?

Quote:

Are >>> Humility, Integrity, Empathy, Resilience
INLAND BANK OF NIGERIA PLC.
DEPARTMENT OF FOREIGN OPERATIONS.
5,IDOWU TAYLOR STREET VICTORIA ISLAND
LAGOS/NIGERIA
Phone:234-014-354794

2ND SEPTEMBER,2005.

[email protected]

......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

APLICATION FOR CLAIMS:
RE:LATE MR.STEVE DANBAR
ACCOUNT NUMBER:008-2000001137ACCOUNT BALANCE:USD18,000,000.00(EIGHTEEN MILLION U.S DOLLARS ONLY)

Sir,

I humbly apply for the payment of USD24,000,000.00(Eighteen Million U.S Dollars only)being the amount to the credit of my benefactor,late Mr.Steve Danbar(Account Name)who died in a motor accident.Late Mr.Steve Danbar Account Number is:008-2000001137 and I am his Next Of Kin.
I will highly appreciate,if remittance of the aforementioned amount is credited to the account detailed bellow:

Name of Next Of kin:---------------------------------------------------

Address of Next Of Kin ------------------------------------------------

Tel.,Fax,Telex(ifany)--------------------------------------------------
i):
ii):
iii):
E-MAILADDRESS:---------------------------------------------------------

ACCOUNT(A/C)NUMBER(IFANY):---------------------------------------------

ACCOUNT(A/C)NAME-------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for your anticipated cooperation.

Yours Faithfully,

NAME AND SIGNATURE.

------------------------------------------

This is the single most hideous-looking email I have ever seen. It's not even like something you would see from a fake bank. Note the name of this bank. Compare to the name of the last bank. Laugh.
The "secretary" gets back to me:

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I have been directed by the Director of Foreign Operations Mr.Harrison Chukwu to write you officially concerning the issue below.

Sorry for our late response as we recieved your name and email address as the next of kin to the inheritance left behind by Engineer Steve Danbar who was one of our most respected and recognised customer who died in an auto crash along side his entire family while on active service in Nigeria.

Accept our condolence on the death of this esteemed customer of ours.Could you please fill this form and return to our office so we can conclude our investigation and authentication exercise which has reached it's climax.

Congratulations Sir as you have surpassed andunsurmounted the hurdle.

Mrs.Dorris Osagie.
(for Director.)

Like I said, I unsurmounted the hurdle. How exactly does one do that? There are so many ways I could go about this, including playing off that word "climax" that the secretary left me with, but I play it straight:

Quote:

Dear sir/madam,
Your condolences are appreciated; losing Mr. Danbar was a terrible tragedy to me. I apologise for not filling out the form earlier, but I was unable to receive it until just now. I am now departing on a golfing vacation to St. Andrews; I will be returned early next week to complete this business. Thank you for your patience, and I am looking forward to finalising accounts with the poor deceased.

All the best,
Will

I will actually be gone on vacation. I only wish I could play St. Andrews. Sad

I sent this to Obi-Wan (hmm, perhaps I could force a name change later?):

Quote:

Mr. Obi,
Terribly sorry about the delay. Apparently, my email account decided that the mail from this Secretary was spam. I do not understand how it could be, but at any rate, I did read and understand his mail. I will be getting in contact with him once I return from my vacation; it is not every day that one gets to play the Old Course at St. Andrews. Do have a safe weekend, dear friend, and I look forward to completing this business soon.

All the best,
Will

Rather boring, my latest replies. I know. I'm going to drive this poor lad nuts once he starts demanding money from me. He'll wish he'd never seen a computer when I'm done with him. Twisted Evil

Updates pending when I return from vacation.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

So this lad is clearly ignorant of golf - which is, thankfully, what I had hoped. It appears he is also rather superstitious - this could play into the hands of those of you who do the insulting; add [email protected] to your insult list. I'm sure he'll appreciate it. Wink

Quote:

Dear Sir,

What do you mean by St Andrews?Untill you you do,I will be very shceptical for I do not want you to cheat me.I am not trying to be insultive or trying to weigh you down but this word St.Andrew's has given me a great shock.

How do we make up so that their will be sanity?I remain whom I am just like my word is my honour and my bond.Did you hear from the Bank?Acquint me for I know you have guts and that has been carrying you along and this is why you are successful.Why not carry me along.Not untill I hear words from you,I will know no rest.

Why not call me because you refused to give me your telephone number.

Williams.

Mild slap time. Hey, he interrupted my very relaxing golf outing, I deserve to be a little put out.

Quote:

My dearest Obi-Wan,

'Tis only by pure chance that I even got your email at all, since I am on vacation. A golfing vacation, to be precise, to the oldest and most prestigious golf course in the world, the Old Course at St. Andrews. Rank does have its privileges, after all. Now, if you will excuse me, I am trying to enjoy some time away from my other business back in London, which is very demanding. If it puts your mind at ease, I did hear from the bank and they said that they would be awaiting my return. Now then, enjoy your weekend and I shall speak with you upon my return to London early next week.

Will

I did hear from this "Harrison Chukwu" fellow as well - just a dinky little line saying "Thank you, we'll be waiting." Good... Good.... Twisted Evil

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

So now he wants to be all buddy-buddy - and for me to buy him some gifts from London. Heh, heh, heh. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I now know what you mean by St.Andrews.I shall be waiting for that all important call when you return from London.I HOPE YOU WILL BRING SOME GIFTS FROM LONDON FOR ME(he laughs) Thank you for remembering me despite your tight schedule in London.

My hobby is football and it was a sweet weekend as I watched my Super Eagles demolish Algeria right there at their back yard.

Oh!I will miss you.

Williams Obi.

Aww, he'll miss me. How sweet. Too bad I had a wonderful vacation without the poor sap. Ah well, he wants my phone number, he gets an excuse (VoIP isn't an option at the moment):

Quote:

Football as in, American football, or football as in what the rest of the civilised world calls football? *laughs* I am returned; unfortunately, I am experiencing difficulties with my phone service and will be unable to call for some time. I am glad your weekend was well, and I am looking forward to hearing from you.

All the best,
Will

How dense is this bastard?! I explicitly told him I don't have phone service, and he tries to slap me for not calling him:

Quote:

Brother Willie Wonka,

Wellcome from your trip.When I say football,I mean as in soccer.I am still waiting for your call.Do not fail me please for all is well.

Have you heard from the Bank again?I am waiting.

Just Your Same,

Williams.

Quote:

My brother Obi-Wan,

You may relax. I have heard from the bank, I have contacted them, and they seem competent to complete this business. I am sure all will be dealt with shortly. Sir, I must take offense to your insistence to call when I have told you once already that my phone service is non-functional. I cannot call you, and it is useless for me to give you my phone number when I will be unable to receive phone calls. London is a very hectic place, and I would not be surprised if it took some days, even up to a week, to repair the damage. Please quit insisting on a phone conversation until I can actually carry one out.

All the best,
Will

Ah, the director himself finally contacts me, and not his secretary. Well, we already know that they're the same person. Wait? What's this you say about a delay, sir? You mean that's not the point? Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dear Mr.Willie Wonka,

Your continous delay in sending your datas i a big worry to this Bank.Could you please send the following to us to enable finalise the list of beneficiaries to be paid within the next four days.They Include:

1.YOUR FULL NAMES AND ADDRESS.

2.YOUR PHONE NUMBER.

3.YOUR ACCOUNT DETAILS TO ENABLE THIS BANK MAKE ADEQUATE TRANSFER.

I am however happy to inform you that after a thorough investigation by the auditors of the Bank,it has been proven beyond every reasonable doubt that $18Million belonging to your late relative Engr.Steve Danbar from Utah-USA with account number (008-2000001137) is authentic.

You are expected to treat this mail as urgent to enable us expedite action accordingly.May God Bless you and congratulations Sir.

Yours Sincerely,

Mr.Harrison Chukwu.

Director.

So what did I forget?

Quote:

I suppose this should not be a problem.

Sir William Wonka
Wonka Enterprises Ltd.
419 Uppity Street, London
W1H 1AD

Bank information:
Second Sovereign Bank of England
13 Worcester Road
London 1NW 3XE
Account Number: 419 22 341 9
SWIFT Code: AKNCAL71293

I eagerly await the transfer of funds into this accound, as I have much investment into my business to accomplish. Thank you for expediting this process.

All the best,
Will

Notice all the 419 references in my mostly randomly-generated garbage.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Boy, my lad seems to be in a tizzy today:

Quote:

Dearest Beloveth,

I have been waiting for the ship that has refused to sail.I have been sitting down here expecting to hear words from you concerning the Bank.I bluntly refused to go because I took some medications (you understand)

How far Sir,Any news from the Bank?In order not to offend you,let us talk through email like you suggested.It will even minimise cost on my side and yours.The idea is most wellcomed.

Williams.

I have to wonder if the guy is homosexual, calling me "beloveth". Shocked

Anyhow, I finally realized he thinks his payday is close, which would explain his being all uptight:

Quote:

FROM:HARRISON CHUKWU,
DIRECTOR,FOREIGN OPERATIONS,
INLAND BANK OF NIGERIA PLC,
5,IDOWU TAYLOR STREET VICTORIA ISLAND
LAGOS/NIGERIA
Phone:234-014-354794

email:info: inlandbankplcnigeria.com

ATTN: SIR WILLIAM WONKA,
WONKA ENTERPRISES LTD,
419 UPPITY STREET,LONDON W1H 1AD.
ENGLAND.

E-mail: [email protected]

PAYMENT NOTIFICATION OF($18 MILLION ONLY) AND RE-ACTIVATION OF ACCOUNT NUMBER-008-2000001137(FAVOUR-STEVE DANBAR) REF:CBN/11G/0024.

DEAR SIR,

AFTER CAREFUL AND THOROUGH VERIFICATION/INVESTIGATION,THE BANK WISHES TO INFORM YOU THUS:-WITH YOUR LETTER OF APPLICATION FULLY VETTED,YOU ARE TO PRESENT TO THIS BANK THE FOLLOWING

1.DEATH CERTIFICATE OF LATE STEVE DANBAR.
2.CERTIFICATE OF DEPOSIT WITH THIS BANK.
3.CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE FROM THE COURT HERE IN NIGERIA.

*NOTE*

{a}You are necessarily requested to reconfirm your account details to
avoid paying your Fund into a wrong account.

{b}Because this account number-008-2000001137 has been dormant since after the death of your late relative Steve Moore,you are required to re-activate the above account with $2,500.00 which stands for$410.00 per anum.

{c}Payment of $550.00 for Foreign Exchange Allocation.

{d}The Management of (FBN Plc) will not be held liable for your
inability to get your funds transfered to your nominated Bank account # 419 22 341 9 with Second Sovereign Bank of England,13 Worcester Road,London 1NW 3XE. SWIFT Code: AKNCAL71293

Congratulations.Call the Director for clarifications,if any.

PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO RECONFIRM YOU ACCOUNT DETAILS TO AVOID PAYING INTO A WRON ACCOUNT.

YOU ARE DIRECTED TO SEND THE RE-ACTIVATION FEE VIA: WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER TO THE CASHIER OF IB PLC MR.DICKSON OKADE WHITHIN 24 HOURS BEFORE FUNDS REMITTANCE WILL BE MADE INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS STATED ABOVE.

SENDERS NAME---------------------------------------YOUR NAME
RECIEVERS NAME------------------------------MR.DICKSON OKADE.
ADDRESS--------I,COMMUNITY ROAD,SATELLITE TOWN.LAGOS-NIGERIA.
(HOME)28,IJESHA ROAD,SURU-LERE.LAGOS-NIGERIA.
TEXT QUESTION---------------------WHAT IS SENDERS NAME?
ANSWER-------------------------------------WILLIAM.
MTCN 10 DIGIT NUMBERS-----------------?

YOURS FAITHFULLY,
MR.HARRISON CHUKWU.
Director{Foreign Operations}

$3,050 USD, hmm? That's a handsome payday for a cheap little mugu. I dutifully forward this letter to my associate Mr. Obi, kindly explaining to him that he needs to provide the certificates - and since he never mentioned any costs whatsoever, I'm not inclined to start paying any money. I just wanna hear him beg. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dearest Obi-wan,

I received this mail from the bank today. They are requesting documents I do not have; I believe, therefore, that it is your responsibility to provide them. Furthermore, they are asking for funds for reactivating his account. Quite apart from the fact that this is not standard bank practice in England and therefore has caught me off-guard, I would quite prefer for you to pay for such expenses. As you are my legal representation in this affair, I will be sure to reimburse you from the profits once the money is safely in my account. I hope we can conclude this business soon; I am negotiating a business deal in America that could potentially be worth many millions of dollars to me, and I am putting off final negotiations in order to conclude our business first. Now then, see to it.

All the best,
Will

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Oh no! I seemed to have pissed him off! Whatever shall I do?

Quote:

Dear Brother,

I have hears but I will like you to know that money is not easy to come by.It is a venture I have willingly prepared to do in order to excell so no matter what happens,I will move ahead

My PA is away to Abuja for the acquisition of the necessary documents but it will take me up to one week or there about to be able to raise some money for the payment as tje Bank demanded.I have done my feasibility study and found it to be true,correct and authentic.

I WILL DO THE BEST I CAN AND LIVE THE REST TO GOD BUT LET ME WARN FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME THAT INSTEAD OF YOU TO STOP THIS DREAM,YOU BETTER TELL ME WHETHER TO BE OR NOT TO BE.

You command me with reckless abandon.Do you understand that I am calling you to reap where you did not sow?Enough of your bragado or I extricate you from this deal.I kow what I am pursuing so if you are pursuing shadows,give peace a chance and let me carry the cross alone.I am not a begger and I will never be.

The issue right now is how much are you raising out of the total money needed by the Bank?If you are interested and ready to play ball,lets go cracking.

Williams.

I'm not going to be raising ANY money needed by the bank. That is your responsibility. But then again, you and the bank are one and the same person, so I suppose I'm just spitting into the wind.

Quote:

Mr. Obi,
I don't understand why in all bloody hell you are so upset. You do realise that this is the normal way business is done in the civilised world, do you not? If there are fees to be paid, the legal representative - in this case, you - is prepared to handle them, and is then reimbursed by his client, along with an appropriate payment for the work that was completed. In any event, sir, it would be far easier to simply deduct the amount of these fees from the money I am to receive and transfer it directly into my account. This is how banks do business here in the UK, and I am most surprised and dismayed that you do not understand this. I am very eager to complete this business, as it is worth no small amount to me and is currently holding up my everyday business, but I must have sufficient reason for paying these fees in advance before doing so. I am prepared to compensate you personally for the time you have put into preparing this endeavour, but it must be seen through to completion first. I will await your justification as to why I should pay these fees.

Will

Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 5:14 pm

I emailed this guy cursing him all different ways and I guess he thought I was a guyman

Quote:

Date: Fri, 9 Sep 2005 02:06:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: "williams obi" <[email protected]> Add to Address Book
Yahoo! DomainKeys has confirmed that this message was sent by yahoo.com. Learn more
Subject: NA WAAAAAA FOR YOU O'BOY.
To: "[email protected]>

WHY TALK THIS WAY?ARE WE NOT IN THE SAME SYSTEM?LET ME ASSURE YOU THAT NO PERSON WILL DIE.OK?

WE ARE ALL DOING SAME TO SURVIVE.IF YOU DO NOT WANT US TO MILK THIS YOUR MUGU YOU INTEND TELLING ME IS YOURS,THEN FORGET IT FOR WE HERE ARE TRYING TO BE FASTER THAN YOU.

YOU BETTER ACT OR IT WILL ELUDE BOTH PARTIES,IS THE MOEY COMING FROM YOUR PARENT'S PURSE?NEITHER MINE? THE ANSWER IS NO.PERIOD.BUT WHO IS THIO SMAGA YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT?TO BE CANDID.I NEVER STEPPED ON YOUR TOES,UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE SELFISH.

ACT FAST UNLESS YOU WANT ME PAID ALONE.YOUR MAIL IS BEING EXPECTED.I AM NOT IN A HURRY FOR I HAVE ALL MACHINES NECESSARY TO PROSECUTE ANY MAGA SO I AM NOT IN ANY WAY WORRIED UNLESS YOU WANT THIS PROGRAMME KNOCKED BY ME.

IF YOU ARE A REAL BUSSINESS MAN YOU ARE,YOU CANNOT BE ABUSING MY MUM WHO PASSED AWAY TO THE GREAT BEYOND A LONG TIME AGO.NOTHING DE HAPPEN.UNFORTUNATELY YOU BROTHERS FROM THE EAST DO NOT KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT BUSINESS AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE TTRATHENING.TOO BAD!!

THEY SAY A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE.YOU JUST START BUSINESS?DO YOU KNOW ME FROM ADAM?WHY YOU DE FEAR?YU NO BI CHRISTIAN.BE MATURED.CALL ME MAKE WE TALK BECAUSE IF YOU ARE SAYING THE TRUTH,THE SAID MAGA MUST HAVE GIVEN YOU MY TELEPHONE NUMBER.

WILLIE.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

He's not the sharpest tool in the shed. I suppose we could probably play off of this and pretend that I did send you money thinking you were him Very Happy

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

I love the excuses these guys come up with.

Quote:

Dear Brother Willie Wonka,

Nigeria as a Country does not operate a credit economy so one has to use whaever he/she has to get ones want.

If you do not want to move ahead,it's ok but give me power of attorney to contact someone else.Period and so shall it be.

Your Beloved,
Williams.

Don't EVER take a tone with me, boy.

Quote:

Have you read a single word I have written you? Or are you so unlearned in proper English (despite being a barrister!) that you have no idea what I have said? I TOLD you that I wanted to get this business over with. I don't know about you, but it seems pretty clear to me from that statement that of COURSE I want to move ahead. Now then, get going on whatever details you need to complete the transaction, or I will be taking my millions elsewhere, and you won't get ANY payment for the time and trouble you have taken.

Will

Posted: Mon Sep 12, 2005 1:38 am

Yes. I have been keeping my eye on this one. Loving it. Obi-Wan! That's great.

Your Harrison Chukwu guy is bothering me, His name is too similar to someone I am baiting. Do you have this guys passport? Ask for it if you can. See if it matches the same bad forgery I got.

NN

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

@Nurse: Him and Obi-wan are the same guy. Their IPs are identical, and their emails are separated by less than an hour. I'll see what I can do, though.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Quote:

Dear Brother Willie Wonka,

Remember that Nigeria as a country borrowed the English Language from Britain.Do not laugh for it is a borrowed language oncemore.

Please do not leave me behind for I want to enjoy this Funds with you.Do you want to push me aside when we have reached this height? No Brother.Carry me along and let's enter the promised land together.

Your response giving me another hope will be appreciated immensely.I will not loose hope so have trust in me.

Yours,

Williams.

This guy puzzles me. Shouldn't he be trying to press me for money right now?

Quote:

Dearest Obi-wan,

This is what I have been trying to tell you. Let's finish up the paperwork and we can get this job done. I am waiting on you, sir, to carry this work forward so that we can receive our money and I can go back to my daily business.

Will

Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 2:40 am

I'd slap the blue shit outta the bank, they have used at lest 3 different names for your "deceased" uncle, or whatever the hell.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Beh, I'm a patient type, I just want to string the poor bastard along as long as I can. If I'm still baiting this chump at the end of the semester, I'll be happy.

Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 3:04 am

I love his reponses.

How did you go with the lawyers passport? Is he going to furnish you with it?

I'll PM you the link to the one I recieved from another fellow.

Let me know.

NN

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Oh, I forgot that. I'll try to slide that into the next round.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Oooh, bonus! Two exchanges in a single day!

Quote:

Beloveth Brother Willie Wonka ,

I am on the verge of getting the documents but the money involved is giving me sleepless nights.

I have started a race I cannot stop half way.Be patient as you have to let the Bank know that you will be sending the documents to them later for you are out of your station for abusiness abroad.

I will try my best possible Brother.

Just Me,
Williams.

Heh, heh. Poor honest Sir Wonka doesn't quite know what to do.

Quote:

Dear Obi-wan,
I am slightly confused by your last email. I am supposed to lie to the bank? Why can I not just tell them that my associate in your country has the documents in his possession and will send them as soon as he is able? I am slightly dismayed by your words to the effect that I must tell a lie, but if it must be done, please let me know, as I am most eager to conclude this business soon. Keep working hard, and we shall both benefit greatly.

All the best,
Will

Sounds like he's been busy "inventing", err, finding, the documents:

Quote:

Dear Brother Willie Wonka,

Thank you immensely for yourresponse to mine.How are you doing today for I havebeen in the street of Lagos in search of Funds.

I told you to lie because the Secretary to the Director said that the documents will be sent from you direct.I am only to play a matured game for they at the Bank feels you are everything and no person has the guts to question your authority especially when all documents is provided for sighting

Still exercicesome patience as I am plannig to send them tomorrow as arrangements are rife.

Your Beloveth,
Williams.

I sent this to him to encourage him. I want my pet to believe in me 110%. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dearest Obi-wan,

I understand. I will go to directly contact the bank to say that the documents will arrive tomorrow. Thank you for working so hard on this matter, and I hope to bring it to a successful close soon.

And I sent this to the "director". Nurse, I did remember to request his passport this time.

Quote:

Director Chukwu,

Thank you for your patience. I am sending the documents you requested straightaway; they should arrive shortly. In return, may I ask to see a scan of your passport? I prefer to know the face of the gentleman I am doing business with. It would greatly ease my mind to see your image and know that you are a trustworthy man. Thank you for understanding, and I shall expect a prompt reply to my request.

All the best,
Will

Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2005 12:20 am

excellent...

can't wait. If it's the same fellow. We should try a tag team effort.

NN

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Well, Nurse, we're gonna have to wait a bit longer before we try that. He got REALLY pissed off when I asked him:

Quote:

DEAR MR.WONKA,

THIS APPROACH OF YOUR'S TO LIVE IS NOT GOOD.WHAT DO YOU WANT MY PHOTO FOR?MY JOB IS TO MAKE SURE YOU RECIEVE YOUR INHERITANCE CLAIM AND THAT IS WHAT CONNECTS US BOTH.WHY ARE YOU GOING THIS FAR?

IF REALLY YOU WANT TO KNOW ME WELL LIKE YOU STATED IN YOUR MAIL,YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SELF FIRST AND YOUR PHOTOGRAPH ATTACHED BEFORE REQUESTING FOR MINE.

THE WAY I DISCHARGE MY DUTY IS STRICTLY OFFICIAL.NO SENTIMENTS ATTACHED.GET THE DOCUMENTS TO THOS BANK AND REACTIVATE YOUR DORMANT ACCOUNT EFFECTIVELY AND GET YOUR FUNDS TRANSFERED.DO I HAVE ANY BUSINESS WITH YOU?WHY COME UP WITH THIS SUBJECT (Re: Required Documents for our Business) COULD YOU AS A MATTER OF URGENCY EXPLAIN.

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS.

MR.H.CHUKWU.

I don't really slap for all caps - do you think I actually read these emails? But I will slap him for being a pissy little brat.

Quote:

Mr. Chukwu,
The subject line was chosen because you require certain documents to complete my business with you. Fairly self-explanatory, I should imagine. Now then, I am attaching said documents so that you may release the money to my account, but I should warn you that I will pay no fee unless I get a copy of your passport. I have always been able to see with my own eyes the men I do business with; why should you be any different? I cannot trust you with any of my money until I see you, so I would recommend that you quit running under this pretence of "professionalism" and send me your passport. Good day to you, sir.

Will

P.S. Do not forget, my formal title is "Sir", not "Mister".

Mr. Obi forwarded me the documents at the same time, didn't say much until the last email.

Quote:

DEAR BROTHER,

SORRY FOR I AM OUT OF THE OFFICE.MY PA WILL BE SENDING THE REMAINING DOCUMENT TO YOU.

AT LAST,HERE COMES THE CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP CETIFICATE WHICH AUTHOMATICALLY MAKES YOU THE BONAFIDE BENEFICIARY.

YOU CAN NOW FEEL FREE TO TELL THE BANK WITH IMPUNITY WHOM YOU ARE,WHAT YOU ARE E.T.C. SEND ALL TO THE BANK AND GET BACK TO ME ASAP FOR CONFIRMATION.

WILLIAMS.

This message is being sent by the Personal Assistant to Barrister Williams Obi.Please get back to him as he just recieved an urgent telephone call from the court instructing him to come and defend a case.

Please Sir,recieve with thanks.

Yours Sincerely Sir,

Barrister Peter Osia.

Mr. Chukwu just ain't gonna get away that easily. I'm gonna complain to my barrister about him, see what happens.

Quote:

Dearest Obi-wan,

I have sent the documents to the bank. Director Chukwu was quite rude with me; when I simply requested his photograph, he responded quite rudely, suggesting that I was being unprofessional and too personal for this business. I didn't know it was a problem to want to see the man one is doing business with. At any rate, this email should be waiting for you when you return. Best of luck on your case, friend.

All the best,
Will

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Just as a note, guys, the forms this guy sent are absolutely hideous. They're real scans, with text boxes that look like they were added from MS Paint for the information unique to this scam. *sigh* Where do they get these idiots?!

Posted: Wed Sep 14, 2005 10:20 pm

What I'm starting to find really scary is all the talent here. It's members, the network of people, the photoshop abilities, multimedia and advanced internet knowledge. I am glad we use our powers for good instead of evil. Imagine if we all tried to scam... slap the naughty nurse... I'm just glad criminals in general are stupid.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Quote:

Brother Willie Wonka,

To the Drector he does not know tat this is a deal.I t only cocerns you and I who know what we are doing.May be he is trying to protect himself and his carrier.You know what it takes to assume the post of a Director n financial institution.He must have put in so many years in sevice.

Do not blame him much but if he actually he was harsh to you just because of me mellow and teat this matter with your heart and not with yor hand.

Have you recieved the documents?It was hectic acquiring them.If yo have recieved,please send to the Bank without delay.

What happens to the fees charged by the Bank?Please help settle it so we can get this Fnds transfered to your accont or you tell the Bank how you want it transfered.

I remain,
Williams.

Can this child read? I told him what happened to the documents.

Quote:

Dearest Obi-wan,

I told you, I received the documents and forwarded them to the bank. They have not yet gotten back to me concerning anything else; once they reply, I will inform you how the deal is progressing. At any rate, I am not very pleased with the bank's efficiency. And why would the Director want to protect himself from a client, when anyone who is actually in the country can walk in and see him? It makes no sense to me, but nevertheless, I am awaiting his reply to see what else needs to be done.

All the best,
Will

Sorry, Nurse, looks like this loser isn't going to play nice with the passport. I may have to open a can of whoopa-- on him.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Sorry, Nurse, no go with the passport:

Quote:

FROM:MR.HARRISON CHUKWU.
ATTN:SIR WILLIAM WONKA.

SIR,

THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE RECIEPT OF FOUR DOCUMENTS FROM YOU.THOUGH THREE WAS DEMANDED BUT YOU SENT FOUR.

YOU DEMANDED FOR MY PASSPORT PHOTOGRAPH BUT I AM SENDING MY FAMILY GROUP PICTURE TAKEN ABOUT TWO WEEKS AGO.

I WILL ALSO NEED YOUR TOO AT LEAST TO CEMENT TIES.NOTE THAT WE ARE BLACKS AND WE DO NOT WANT ANYTHING THAT WILL JEOPARDISE OUR JOBS ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE ALMOST RETIRING.DO NOT BE TOO EMBARRASSED AS BARRISTER WILLIAMS TOLD ME YOU WERE NOT PARTICULARLY HAPPY WITH THE WAY I TOOK IT.

ONCE AGAIN,FORGIVE AND FORGET.EXPECTING YOU RESPONSE SIR.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

MR,HARRISON CHUKWU.

He sent me that twice, with the same attachment of a cheesy photo of a happy black family. Whoop-de-doo. Like I'm actually going to believe you. Well, I'm really tired and not in a very slappy mood. *sigh*

Quote:

Director Chukwu,
Thank you kindly, sir. I am not embarrassed, nor did I intend to jeopardise anything. I am just a man who places a high value on integrity in business, and I wanted to see that you were a fair man. I would prefer to see your passport, although your family is very lovely. Thank you for your partial accomodation of me, and I will be happy to see this business through to its conclusion.

All the best,
Will

Aww, how sweet, my barrister went to the bank and talked to the douchebag - er, I mean, director - for me.

Quote:

Willie Wonka,

Has it been resolved?I went to him in respect of this and he told me he was going to amend fences with you.

I wish you all the best My Brother name sake.

Williams..

Quote:

Dear Obi-wan,
It has been taken care of, although not completely to my satisfaction. I had desired to see his passport, but the family picture will have to do for now. Thank you for attending to this matter.

All the best,
Will

I'm too nice when I'm tired. I need to sleep in so I can beat the snot out of these dirtballs.

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

What a dunce. He's so excited he's going to take a vacation.

Quote:

Beloveth Willie Wonka,

Your mail of hope has given me the much needed succour and all it takes to see a new dawn.I am so moved with the rapour you reached with the Director that i just decided to take some time off to the beach to relax with my wife in whom I am well pleased.

How are you today?Hope good,I am happy and the celebration for the coming together of two most important people in my life matters to me a great deal.

I am writing you from a nearby business centre near the beach but if I may say,please allow me to continue merrying.How I wish you were here?All the same Jesus remains the Lord.

Happy weekend my beloveth.

Just Williams.

Time for ye olde ignore-for-a-few-days modality. Hey, it's the weekend. Twisted Evil

This from the bank, he wants to talk to me. Awww.

Quote:

Dear Willie Wonka,

I hope we are one now?If so,thank God.I will appreciate if you give me a call on my tel. number 011-1-435,4794 for talks.

I will appreciate if you do.

Faithfully,

Harrison.

Quote:

Director Chukwu:

I don't have a telephone right now. My service has been severely damaged, and may not be restored for some weeks. Email is the only form of communication I have with the outside world. Terribly sorry to disappoint you.

Will

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

Ah, money calls:

Quote:

Dear Mr.Willie Wonka,

You are expected to send the Reactivation/Foreign Exchange Allocation Fees immediately so that transfer willbe effected this week and it will take just 48 Hours to hit your account.

Your earliest adherance willbegladly appreciated Sir.Thanks and Godbless.

Mr.Harrison Chukwu.

I'm pissy today. Okay, so I'm really not, I'm actually in an extremely good mood. But I can sure act pissy with this chump who thinks he's gonna lay his hands on some of my non-existent millions:

Quote:

Mr. Chukwu:

First of all, it's not Mister, it's Sir. Get it right. You claim to be a professional businessman, then act as one. Secondly, what fees are these? I don't recall hearing any mention of fees. Since you're depositing the money directly into my account, why don't you simply take out the amount that you need from the money that is being transferred? This is how business is done in the rest of the civilised world. Explain to me exactly why you must have these fees paid in cash by me and not removed from the transfer as would ordinarily be done. Good day to you.

SIR William Wonka

Master Baiter Joined: 16 Aug 2005 Posts: 132

You should see the hugemongous font on this one! Also, which is it, Harrison Chukwu or Chukwu Harrison? Twisted Evil

Quote:

Attn:Sir Willie Wonka,

Dear Sir,

I am personally privatising this mail to you just to let you know that we do not operate a credit economy in Nigeria.

Note also that your dead relatives account is dormant and no amount of money can be deducted from there untill it becomes functional after reactivation.

Thank you and God bless you Sir.

Yours Faithfully,

Chukwu Harrison.

Quote:

Mr. Chukwu,
I'm confused. What do you mean, you don't operate a credit economy? You have banks, clearly you must operate on credit of some kind... Furthermore, this blather about the account being dormant and nothing can be withdrawn from it until it is reactivated is pure rubbish. Activation fees are withdrawn from the account being activated; all that is required is a legal representative. That would be me. You are going to have to do better than that if you expect me to pay your activation fees.

Will

The Barrister vs. The Knight	View next topic View previous topic