I've finally got a live one--it's jumpstarted!

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Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:17 am

So I've finally gotten a decent volley going with poor ill Evangelist Mary and her Barrister Williams. I'll skip the boring intro letters and start with me getting them to refernce a nonsense phrase (which only has significance to myself and about three other LARPers). In the letter previous "she" tried to play the urgency factor because her illness was getting worse. Critiques and suggestions are welcomed and encouraged ^_^. Here's my reply:

Rusty wrote:

Very well. Have your attorney contact me at
[email protected] and I will forward my
information directly to him. I couldn't ask a sick
woman like you to be responsible for forwarding everything.

As I said before, please have him reference the phrase
"True Fiery Cake" in the subject line so that I know
it is in reference to your case.

Perhaps it's better to let the men handle it from here
on out, while you rest and save your strength to fight
your illness. As I said before, I wish to do this for
the discombobulated of the world.

And the response

some mugu wrote:

Thanks for your karedness, I will imediately send your email address to my barrister for him to contact you immedaitely.

He contacted me, but forgot to use the special code phrase. I ignored him, and sent this:

some mugu wrote:

Thank you. Remember to have him cite the phrase "True Fiery Cake" in the subject line so that I will know it is in reference to our transaction, otherwise I may delete it by accident. I get many e-mails, and sometimes do not have the time to read them all, but if I see a certain phrase in the subject line I will make it a point to priority read that particular mail.

Will he listen this time? To be continued...

Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:30 am

Well, well, I got no less than FOUR e-mails, all the same text, from the poor dear, all with the same subject line:

some mugu wrote:

Subject:True Fiery Cake

Have my barrister contacted you, i give him your email address to contact you yesterday but i have not hear from him or you,update me if he have or not his name is barrister tunde williams, if he have, give him your informention so that he will tell you what is the next.

Now he's paying attention, but I feel his impatience was a violation of ettiquette.

Rusty wrote:

Yes, he contacted me, and used the proper phrase, thank you.

You did not have to flood my inbox with repeated inquiries; one would have sufficed!

I then received the (assumedly) stock response from her lawyer, who stressed time being a factor, and could I please send all my personal info? Well, not just yet. At least he also used the proper code phrase, and keep with it from this point on.

Rusty wrote:

Sure, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help herout.
And you can call me Rusty.

He just asks for my personal details again, so here's what he gets:

Rusty wrote:

Of course. Here is my information.Dr. Thaddeus Venture, "Rusty"
4285 Canyon Tr
Beverly Hills, CA
310-50-9065
Bank account number: 407719848675309

I don't have a fax; in the US we usually send
everything via e-mail attachment now, so if you need
any documents sent, just e-mail them.

Passport scan attached.

Passport.jpg

And yes, it's just typed. Nothing there to click on. More to come!

Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:44 am

So now I have them both at least using the code phrase, and the next message from the lawyer comes quickly. He mentions that there may be some fees involved! What a shock.

Some mugu barrister wrote:

I HAVE RECEIVED YOUR MAIL AND I WISH TO NOTIFY YOU THAT THE SITUATION AND CONDITION OF THE WOMAN IN THE HOSPITAL IS REALLY CRITICAL AND WE HAVE TO FINALISE THE TRANSACTION ACCORDINGLY.

NOTE THAT WE WILL BE REQUIRED TO PAY SOME FEE FOR THE PROCUREMENT AND PROCESSING OF DOCUMENTS TO BACK UP THE FUND RELEASE.

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO GET BACK TO ME URGENTLY TO INFORM ME OF YOUR PREPAREDNESS TO DUTY SO THAT WE CAN FINALISE AS AT WHEN DUE TO ENABLE US SECURE THE TRANSFER OF THE FUND TO YOUR NOMINATED ACCOUNT.

WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON.

I ignore him for now, and get this from his client.

some mugu wrote:

how are you today,i hope that you are fine with your family.have you contacted the lawyer,please my good friend,kindly contact the lawyer and follow the lawyer instructions to carry on this transfer.i am very very sick,i can write much.

Well, that's a shame. But I've already sent him all my info.

Rusty wrote:

I already did. Did he not tell you?

So I finally get this from the lawyer:

some mugu barrister wrote:

I received your mail; I want to inform you that I will start the processing of this fund by tomorrow morning.

Now, before I proceed, I need your full name and your mailing address to incorporate your name with Nigeria ministry of External affair commission and also your direct telephone and fax number is needed for easy communication and to fax you all the necessary documents to back up this fund.

Finally, I want to notify you that I am a very busy lawyer; I want you to follow my instruction so that I will finalize everything about this transaction at list 7 working days. Kindly include your banking details where you want this fund to be transfer into. All the necessary documents to back up this fund will be obtain by me as from Monday been tomorrow. Kindly send all this information to enable me to proceed with the documents immediately. Your urgent response is needed.

Slap forthcoming.

Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 2:47 am

"karedness." Now there's a word....

Posted: Mon Aug 22, 2005 7:15 am

I've moved this post here as it seems to be an ongoing bait and not a request for assistance Wink

Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 4:33 am

More in the saga. I'm presently ignoring the lawyer, because he annoys me, so I get this from his poor sick client:

some mugu wrote:

I AM WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU TO KNOW IF THE LAWYER HAS CONTACTED YOU. YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND THAT I AM RELYING ON YOU TO BE UPDATING ME REGULARLY CONCERNING THE TRANSACTION.
>
> I ATTACHED A COPY OF THE PICTURE OF THE MONEY WHICH
> I TOOK AS I WAS DEPOSITING THE FUND WITH MY LATE
> HUSBAND AS A MARK OF PROOF TO YOU.
>
> ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TO COMPLY WITH THE LAWYER�S
> DIRECTIVES SO THAT THE FUND WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO
> YOU BEFORE IT IS LATE.
>
> I WILL BE WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU AS SOON AS
> POSSIBLE.

Wait, what? I'm supposed to be updating "her?" Oh, no, kemosabe, that dog won't hunt. Here comes the slap stick Smile

:

Rusty wrote:

Yes, he's contacted me already! I told you that twice!

Do you not read the e-mails I send you?

And why should I be the one to keep you updated? He's YOUR lawyer, shouldn't he be the one updating you regularly concerning the transaction? I mean, that's what lawyers do here in the USA. I barely have time to talk to him, much less keep you informed, which IS NOT MY JOB. In fact, I have already forwarded my information to him TWICE, and he keeps asking for it. If he is unwilling to even READ MY EMAIL and DO HIS JOB by keeping you informed of what he is doing, then perhaps you should think about finding a new one.

I appreciate the effort you are going to, and that you are very sick, and I really do want to help you out. I've already liquidated some stocks in order to prepare for the fees your lawyer mentioned, but between managing the funds and my scientific endeavors, I simply do not have enough time to do the job your lawyer should be doing.

Thank you for the lovely picture of the money. It's a reminder of why I offered to help you in the first place; to help the less fortunate. I'm sure you must have gone through a great deal of trouble to have given it to me, in your condition, I'm sure it was quite an ordeal. I have actually placed it as my computer's wallpaper, to remind me that there is a greater reason for our joint endeavor. Truly, it is a wonderful thing you do.

I'm hoping the verbal chiding coupled with the praise keeps "her" off guard. I'm also hoping the reference to the money I am trying to raise will whet the mugu's appetite.

Smile

Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 5:24 am

That was a beautifully delivered Slap.

Not too harsh...no insults...and the carrott was left dangling....well done Wink

Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 3:11 pm

Agreed. Good slap.

I will make one suggestion with regard to the secret phrase modality.

If a person forgets to use the secret phrase, esp. a new character in the bait (like the barrister), simply send them this, without giving them the pass phrase.

Quote:

If this is in regard to Mrs. __________, please use the secret pass phrase. I will not reply to any correspondence without it.

Chances are it's the same person playing a few different roles, but your strict adherence to the rules without giving your lad any help will waste a bit more of their time and frustrate them.

Just my $.02

Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 5:45 pm

Thanks for the compliments, guys. I feel all warm and fuzzy.

Smile

Here's the part where I slap the lawyer (trying to follow the formula from above, more annoyance than anger, and trying to be reasonable.) Hopefully the request for his credentials won't scare him off.

some mugu barrister wrote:

I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE PROCURED THREE OF THE REQUIRED DOCUMENTS AND I WILL FORWARD THEM TO YOU LATER TODAY AS SOON AS I ATTACH THEM.

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TO FORWARD THE MOBILAZATION FEE OF US$1,250 TO ME SO AS TO ENABLE ME PAY FOR THE NECESSARY FEES AND CHARGES THAT ARE REQUIRED TO FINALISE THE TRANSACTION SOON RESPECTIVELY.

KINDLY RECONFIRM THE FOLLOWING DETAILS OF YOURS AS THEY ARE NOT COMPLETE;
1.YOUR BANK NAME
2.YOUR TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS

NOTE THAT I AM A VERY BUSY LAWYER WHO HAS A LOT OF LEGAL DUTIES TO ATTEND TO AND I WOULD LIKE YOU TO RESPOND URGENTLY TO ENABLE ME FINALISE SOON.

Oh, there's the money. Ironically, that's waay more than I even have in my bank account right now. But that's not important. He keeps bugging me for a fax number. Now I really am irritated. Not to mention I've already sent him all my banking information... really. Didn't leave anything out, no sir. He's still on about being busy, so I remind him that I'm also a very busy man.

Rusty wrote:

I have already sent you my information. I believe I have already told you (this makes THREE TIMES NOW) that I DO NOT USE A FAX MACHINE BECAUSE NOBODY IN THE CIVILIZED WORLD USES THEM ANYMORE.

I am starting to doubt your credentials, Mr. Williams. You are obviously NOT reading my e-mails, and according to poor Mary, she expects ME to do YOUR job by keeping her updated! I do not know about lawyers in your country, Mr. Williams, but here in the good ol' USA, that sort of thing is HANDLED BY THE ATTORNEY. This does not sound like the attitude of a family attorney.

As I mentioned to Mrs. Eze, I myself am also very busy, Mr. Williams. I DO NOT have time to waste with someone who is UNWILLING or UNABLE to simply DO HIS JOB, especially with this LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY on the line. Now, I have liquidated certain stocks to prepare for the fees you mentioned. I am willing to pay the fees. But I am afraid I am going to need to see your credentials, Mr. WIlliams. Thus far, your actions have done little to instill trust in me, and that is of the utmost urgency in an endeavor of this magnitude. Indeed, to this point, I am led to wonder if you are indeed qualified.

I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I would like to have something more to go on. As a token of good faith, I have sent you my information. I would like a similar good faith token from yourself. Nothing spectacular, just whatever passes for a licence to practice law in your country.

As soon as I have some token of goodwill from you, sir, I will pay the fees you require.

Hopefully he won't twig.

Smile

Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:30 pm

Well, Mrs. Dying from lung cancer just replied with this:

some mugu wrote:

HOW ARE YOU TODAY,WITHG YOUR FAMILY.MAY GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU HAVE REASONED WISELY TO ASSIST IN RECEIVING THE FUND.

THE LAWYER CONTACTED SAYING THAT HE HAS GOTTEN SOME OF THE DOCUMENTS AND THAT HE NEEDS SOME MONEY TO PROCURE THE REMAINING DOCUMENTS SO THAT THE FUND CAN BE TRANSFER IMMEDIATELY.

PLEASE COMPLY WITH THE LAWYER AND BECAUSE OF MY ILLHEALTH,THAT IS WHY I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO BE CONTACTING THE LAWYER TO UPDATE YOU.

DO YOUR BEST AS GOD WILL SURELY BLESS YOU.

..which is a bit boring and not quite what I had hoped for. Her lawyer, on the other hand...

some mugu barrister wrote:

I AM REALLY SURPRISED AT THE TONE OF YOUR MAIL BECAUSE IT MEANS A LET DOWN TO MY PERSONALITY BECAUSE YOU SEEMS NOT TO UNDERSTAND THE NATURE AND SENSITIVITY OF THIS TRANSACTION WHICH I AM HANDLING IN YOUR NAME.WOULD YOU BE HAPPY IF I MAKE ANY MISTAKE WHILE PROCESING THE PAYMENT IN YOUR NAME JUST BECAUSE YOU DID NOT GIVE ME A COMPREHENSIVE DETIALS OF YOURS.I TOLD YOU THAT THE BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS YOU FORWARDED TO ME WAS NOT COMPLETE BECAUSE YOU DID NOT INCLUDE YOUR BANK NAME.HOW THEN DO YOU I KNOW WHICH BANK ON EARTH THAT HAS THE ACCOUNT NUMBER WHICH YOU FORWARDED TO ME. YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THAT I AM RIGHT BY ASKING YOU TO RE-CONFIRM THE DETAILS ONCE MORE TO AVOID ANY MISTAKE AND TO ENABLE ME CONFIRM THE DETAILS FROM YOU I HAVE BEEN HANDLING SUCH TRANSACTIONS FOR OVER 20YRS AND I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ANY FORM OF MISTAKE BECAUSE I WOULD NOT WANT MRS MARY EZE TO FEEL BAD AS A RESULT OF MISTAKE.

I REALLY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL BECAUSE YOU DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME. ALREADY I HAVE PROCURED SOME OF THE DOCUMENTS AND FIND THEM ATTACHED FOR YOUR PERUSAL AND CONFIRMATION, AS THIS IS A PROGRESSIVE STEP TOWARDS FINALISING THE TRANSACTION IN YOUR NAME.

ALL YOU NEED TO DO NOW IS SEND THE FEE TO ME VIA WESTERN UNION STRICTLY ON THE NAME OF MY SECRETARY AS IT APPEARS BELOW;

NAME: RAPHAEL OFFAELI

ADDRESS: LAGOS NIGERIA

CODE: 234-80-624-68-992

THE DOCUMENTS ARE VERY IMPORTANT AND THEREFORE YOU SHOULD KEEP THEM WELL SECURED UNDER YOUR CUSTODY BECAUSE THEY WILL BE REQUIRED BY YOUR BANK TO BACK UP THE FUND.

AS SOON AS I RECEIVE THE FEE FROM YOU, I WILL PROCURE THE REMINING DOCUMENTS AND FORWARD THEM TO YOU IMMEDIATELY.

YOUR URGENT RESPONSE IS NEEDED.

Three documents attached (complete with the spiky red seal of authenticity I've heard so much about), but none are the licence to practice law in Nigeria (which is odd, since his client is in the Netherlands!), which I had asked for. And, I'm not sure, but I think that first line is almost sig-worthy.

I'm sensing a safari, but maybe prematurely.

Oh, and he's getting a slap for questioning me.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 5:26 pm

Well, she's getting worried since I was mean to her poor lawyer.

some mugu wrote:

Good day and happy hours.

I am really worried because the lawyer has contacted me and told me that he has contacted you and that the tone of your mail to him was embarrassing to him.Please kindly be linient with the lawyer as he is a highly respected man here and all you need to do is to follow the lawyer's directive to enable us finalise as scheduled.

The lawyer said he has contacted you and that he is waiting to get your response concerning the fee so as to enable him proceed ernestly. Kindly contact the lawyer and send the fee to him as quickly as possible so that he will finalise the fund transfer in your name.

Remember that we should not delay because my condition is highly deterriorating and I am arrangement is on to transfer me to london for the treatment of the cancer as the hospital here does not have enough equipment to handle such.

Kindly comply with the lawyer's directive so that he will finalise accordingly.

Oh he's very well respected is he? No, I don't think so, as outlined in my response:

Rusty wrote:

The reason, my dear Mary, that I used a tone "embarrassing" to the lawyer is because of three very distinct reasons:

1. He expected me to keep you informed of the status of the transaction. That is clearly not my responsibility. A "very respected" lawyer would not expect his sick client to be doing any sort of work; he should handle it himself, i.e. HE is the one who should be keeping YOU informed of the status of the transaction, not ME. A "very respected" lawyer should also know that it is a very basic part of his job to keep his clients informed of the status of his business with him. Since he seemed unfamiliar with or unwilling to do just that, it cast a certain doubt upon his credentials. I have asked him for his licence to practice law, but he has not yet produced it. I am beginning to suspect he may not be a lawyer after all, but that he may out to steal your money. Perhaps you should retain the services of a different attorney.

2. I have sent my information to him THREE TIMES, yet he KEEPS ASKING FOR IT. I do not know if this is due to faulty e-mails or mere incompetence on his part, but I have furnished all the information he needs, yet he is apparently unable to recognize it as such.

3. He does not appear to even be reading the e-mails I am sending him. In the information I have sent, I have also told him that I do not use a fax machine, that nobody in the US uses a fax machine (that I know of), and that we send all documents through e-mail attachment. Yet he keeps asking for a fax number, which leads me to believe that he is either: a) not reading the e-mails, which makes him incompetent, or b) reading them and not comprehending them, which makes him stupid. The third option is that he is so arrogant that he expects an American to bow and scrape to his every whim.

My dear Mary, there are two things that I refuse to be lenient about: incompetence and stupidity. Thus far your "lawyer" is showing the symptoms of both. I have the fee the lawyer requires sitting in an envelope in my safe. It will be sent as soon as I receive some confirmation of his credentials. I have told him this, but he has not yet sent them, again leading me to believe he is not reading anything I am sending.

I sincerely hope that your cancer improves. I myself have had a friend suffer thyroid cancer, so I know how difficult it can be. It is my wish that the doctors in London can better treat you.

PLease do not despair, Mary. I won't let you down.

Looks like time to introduce a new lawyer. I'm having entirely too much fun with this.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 7:42 pm

In my experience there's nothing that will set a barrister huffing and puffing like demands for 'credentials'. To a man, they seem to think it's a rough insult and completely out of bounds for someone to ask to see documents attesting to their qualifications.

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 3:02 am

Typhoid Mary got my e-mail.

some mugu wrote:

I read your mail and I will want you to confirmed if you did received the 3 documents sent to you by the lawyer, I will need you to understand the procedures about this transaction, because of my ill health, I have carefully ask the lawyer to do his work with all seriousness, all my hopes and aspirations now is for the lawyer to help us pushed this fund your bank account.

The approved 3 documents where gotten in your name as the beneficiary,all I want you to do now is to speedily effect the payment to the lawyer to enable him perform the legal services,that will enable him obtain the remaining documents.

About your request of the lawyer credentials, you should know that, this is not want I want from you now, all I want from you is to see to the success of this transaction, and bear it mind that, the lawyer was able to procure those vital documents in your name(But he can't get me a simple licence?).please, try all you can to comply with the lawyer directives to enable him to finalise this transaction.you must know, that I am a foreigner, I will not want you to do anything that will make the lawyer to suspect anything about this transaction,(not to worry. I doubt he'll be around much longer)I am imploring you with all sincerity to comply with lawyers directives in order for this transaction to move on a right footing.

Finally,I have frankly discusses with the lawyer,the transaction is on it final stage, I need your full cooperation to to the lawyer, so far, I need you to comply with the lawyer by making payment to him, in order for this fund to be remitted to your bank account.

Note; Because medical services are so poor in Nigeria, I have made an arrangement to travel to London to receive treatment, I am obliging you in the name of God almighty, to the make the payment to the lawyer, in order for this fund to hit your bank account in the next 48 hours, pending my arrival to London.

Please, do all you can to comply with the lawyer, help out with the situations at hand. if this fund is remitted to your bank account, I will need your trust and honesty to remit some part to me for my treatment.

I am praying to God for my survive, as I will want you to to pray for me to see, that you received this fund in good faith and help me. I need your urgent response immediately to complete everything.

Apparently she doesn't think it's such a great idea to keep pestering the lawyer for his credentials (oh, and thanks for the info, kaliban. I shall surely keep that in mind when I want to ruffle a barrister's feathers Twisted Evil

), since she doesn't want to louse up the deal.

Too bad.

Rusty wrote:

I did indeed receive the documents he sent; I apologize for not informing you in my last missive. While you may not want me to worry about the lawyer's credentials, I am afraid I must. I feel I cannot fully trust him, and until I see some concrete proof of his occupation (a photo ID and his Licence to practice law, for instance), I will not be able to. I really do not see what all the fuss is about, in the United States (where I am) it is perfectly acceptable to inquire about an attorney's bona fides, and be shown them with little concern. It is not a cause forembarrassment. Consider, please, the following:

1. I have been contacted by a man claiming to be a lawyer, but I have no proof he is who he claims to be.

2. I am being asked to send money to help someone that I have never met (which I am willing to do), but that person ("Barrister" Tunde Williams) is refusing to comply with what is in the US an extremely simple andreasonable request.

3. "Barrister" Tunde Williams has done little to instill confidence in me; through his actions he has demonstrated that he is unfamiliar with the most basic tenets of his profession and pays little attention to me.

4. He was able to go to great lengths to procure and send the documents I will use to enable the money transfer, but he is unable to produce a simple licence and ID (something which he SHOULD have on hand for routine procurement)?

I would not worry about the lawyer "suspecting" anything about this transaction; I would worry about your "lawyer" not being entirely kosher.

I will contact your lawyer. If he is willing to comply with my reasonable request, the transaction will go through as planned. If not, I will find another lawyer for you, an AMERICAN lawyer, who knows his rear end from a hole in the ground.

You may rely on me, exclusively, Mary. I will not let you down.

Just so happens I know a very famous lawyer by the name of Jack McCoy. I'm sure he and his partner Claire Kincaid can handle this situation.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 3:33 am

It took four 'attorneys' and about five weeks but but my lad and I have a somewhat house-broken barrister (except he overloaded my email with a 7MB file today!). I contacted him for his rate and got a 'official certificate of law', ready for framing. The last one produced the documents also but wouldn't complete the Security Forms correctly. This barrister's version of the Security Form was the 7MB bomb. Correctly completed though.

Oh dear ... I deleted the file. Butter fingers!

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 4:53 am

Excellent bait, well done.

I really was amused by the simple and effective technique of "Passport scan attached. Passport.jpg" simple text - LMAO!

That is great, hope you don't mind if I use that as well. I am very poor at photoshop and such, and it is a bit of work to find a suitable DLL. Now I have any document at the keyboard - "bankform.jpg, western_union.jpg, and even personal_details.doc". This is really a great, um, modality!

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 5:09 am

So I finally decided to contact the lawyer. The following is in response to an e-mail above (I am surprised at the tone of your mail; it embarrases my personality, blah blah blah). I am very annoyed with the lawyer at this point, because he's being obstinate. He can get these shoddy photoshopped docs, but not a simple licence? Well, licence and ID now, because he waited too long.

Rusty wrote:

I understand "nature and sensitivity of this transaction" PERFECTLY.

What I understand is that YOU need MY help to move a LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY out of your country. What I understand is that I have NO PROOF you are who you say you are. What I understand is that YOU are NOT COMPLYING with a simple and REASONABLE request. In the UNITED STATES (where I am), it is considered quite routine for an attorney to produce his bona fides upon request. To do otherwise would do nothing but arouse suspicion. And if you were able to secure the other documents, why is it so difficult for you to produce something that you must have already in your possession?

I have been patient with you, "mr." Williams, but I do not know how long my patience will last. I have sent you my COMPLETE information THREE TIMES. I do not know why you cannot read it. The name of my bank is MOST ASSUREDLY included. I am looking at an EXACT COPY of what I sent you, and I can read it PERFECTLY FINE. I do not know why you cannot. But, on the off chance that you are indeed telling the truth, I will attach a copy of the document in question to this e-mail.

You insist that I must pay a fee to release the remaining documents, but I must insist that you send me your credentials before I pay the fee. Since you have delayed, I must insist on a photo ID IN ADDITION TO the licence I mentioned earlier. Wait any longer and I may require a signed affidavit as well.

The longer you delay, the more I will require before I trust you.

YOU are the one who is now HOLDING UP THE TRANSACTION, not me.

The ball is now firmly in his court.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 7:53 pm

I don't know if it counts as a trophy, but I received the following reply (complete with his passport, law school diploma, call to bar, and bar association membership form, several with the spiky red seal of truth):

some mugu barrister wrote:

I WANT TO INFORM YOU THAT I HAVE SENT YOU MY INFORMATION AS YOU REQUIRED, KINDLY COMPLY WITH ME SO THAT WE CAN CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION IMMEDIATELY.YOUR URGENT RESPONSE IS NEEDED.

So now I get to have fun with Western Union!

Twisted Evil

Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 3:32 am

GeorgeBush wrote:

That is great, hope you don't mind if I use that as well. I am very poor at photoshop and such, and it is a bit of work to find a suitable DLL. Now I have any document at the keyboard - "bankform.jpg, western_union.jpg, and even personal_details.doc". This is really a great, um, modality!

I can't take the full credit for that, as much fun as it is. Do a search (if you already haven't ^_^) for EgyptKah's Cut and Paste fun with attachments and you'll find all sorts of devilish ideas to torment your lad. I forgot to put it in, but in my last e-mail to the lawyer, I added a "personalinfo.doc" to the end of it.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Sep 05, 2005 3:04 am

So after a few back and forth e-mails, a threat to drop me, and a few stalls for time on my part to the lawyer (Long lines at the WU office because of people trying to get money to loved ones in N'Awlins), I get this from my sick mugu (and the previous threat to drop was along the same lines):

some mugu wrote:

I want to inform you that I am now in London for my medical treatment. You have disappointed me so much, but god will judge you for all the disappointment.

Finally, please kindly send power of attorney to the lawyer to enable him to do the changes immediately. I am suffering over here; I will give you the hospital phone number by tomorrow for you to confirm what am telling you. I don�t have any money with me here to deposit for my treatment, and you are over their happy.

Well god is watching you with all your behavior.

Well, I guess the poor sick dear doesn't want my money anymore.

Rusty wrote:

Mary, I'm getting awfully damn tired of your sanctimonious cynicism. I have here the Moneygram Transfer numbers. I was logging in to my e-mail to send your lawyer the transfer numbers so he could receive the $3000 dollars I wired to you. It's been
done. The money has been wired. But I suppose you don't want it anymore. At least,that's what it seems like.

I STOOD IN LINE FOR SIX HOURS AT THE MONEYGRAM OFFICE
TO SEND YOU THIS MONEY AND NOW I GET A LETTER TELLING ME YOU ARE DISAPPOINTED IN ME AND THAT GOD IS GOING TO JUDGE ME FOR IT???!!!!

IF GOD HAD BEEN WATCHING HE WOULD HAVE SEEN ME DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO GET YOU THIS MONEY!!! AND NOW YOU SAY YOU ARE DISAPPOINTED IN ME???!!

Fine. Since I have not yet forwarded the control numbers to your lawyer, I will cancel the transfer and take my money back. You will now be stranded in aforeign city with no money.

This is what we in America refer to as "biting the hand that feeds you."

Perhaps had YOU been more understanding, you would have had your money. I told you and your lawyer it would be a few days before I could get the money to you, but you insulted me instead.

Congratulations. I suppose you need to go back to your Bible and read up on that part about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you before you go calling yourself an "Evangelist."

Disgusted,
Rusty

Ten to one he comes crawling back, at which point he'll find out I cancelled the transfer and have to do it all over again.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:12 am

So after a few "Thank you for your disappointment" e-mails, I finally get the bait back on track and start jerking the lawyer around about the wire transfer. I use the standard odd number of digits, forgetting key pieces of information, etc. and get this:

some mugu barrister wrote:

I have received your mail and I am really suprised how you keep forwarding incomplete moneygram payment details to me thereby making it very difficult for me to confirm the money you sent.

This after I told him flat out I wouldn't use WU, but it's a pretty boring exchange, up til this:

some mugu barrister wrote:

PLEASE KINDLY GIVE ME THE SENDERS INFORMATION AND THE AMMOUNT TO ENABLE ME TO PICK UP THIS FUND AND CONCLUDE THIS TRANSACTION.I WENT TO MONEY GRAM TODAY,THE TOLD ME THAT THE FUND IS NOT THEIR,KINDLY GIVE ME THE CORRECT INFORMATION.

Does that satisfy the terms of a safari?

Twisted Evil

Posted: Tue Sep 13, 2005 3:25 pm

It's getting to be even more fun. He's still trying to get the money, and still talking me into using WU. I got this yesterday:

some mugu barrister wrote:

THIS MESSAGE IS VERY URGENT.I HAVE TRIED WITH THE VARIOUS UBA BANK IN NIGERIA TO GET THE MONEY YOU PAID,BUT IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE TO GET THE MONEY.THUS I WAS MADE TO UNDERSTAND BY THE DIRECTOR FOREX OPERATIONS UBA BANK,THAT THE MONEY YOU SENT TO NIGERIA THROUGH MONEY GRAM HAVE SOME SERIOUS INTERNAL PROBLEM.
THE DIRECTOR SERIOUSLY WARNED,THAT EMBARGO HAVE BEEN PLACED ON ALL MONYE SENT TO THE UBA BANKS ALL OVER NIGERIA.HE THEREFORE ADVISED,I SEND YOU THIS MAIL TO CALL FOR THE MONEY YOU PAID.
PLEASE,MR.Thaddeus,I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR ANGER AND MY INABILITY TO CONFIRMED TO YOU THAT,THAT THE MONEY YOU PAID CANNOT BE CLAIMED.
FOR QUICKER ACTION,I WILL WANT YOU TO KNOW,THAT I AM A VERY HONEST AND TRUSTED MAN,I CANNOT DECEIVED YOU NOR BE PART OF ANY FRAUDULENT ACTIVITIY.ALL I WANT YOU DO NOW IS TO PROCEED AND RECALL THE MONEY YOU PAID.THEN TRY ALL YOU CAN TO RE-PAY THIS MONEY THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER.YOU DO NOT NEED TO PAY FURTHER CHARGES,ALL I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO CUT DOWN THE FUND YOU PAID FROM THE $2,000,AND PAY THE CHAGRES FROM THE TOTAL AMOUNT YOU PAID.
I WILL NEED YOU TO ACT URGENTLY AND KEEP ME INFORMED OF THE CHANGES.
HOPING FOR YOUR QUICK RESPONCE.

Wait, what? $2000? There's something a bit fishy here, ah! I think I know what it is!

some mugu barrister wrote:

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TO FORWARD THE MOBILAZATION FEE OF US$1,250 TO ME SO AS TO ENABLE ME PAY FOR THE NECESSARY FEES AND CHARGES THAT ARE REQUIRED TO FINALISE THE TRANSACTION SOON RESPECTIVELY

That's way more than he asked for to begin with. Oh, my does he receive a slap.

Rusty wrote:

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?????!!!!

In an e-mail sent Tuesday, August 23rd, you wrote the following:

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TO FORWARD THE MOBILAZATION FEE OF US$1,250 TO ME SO AS TO ENABLE ME PAY FOR THE NECESSARY FEES AND CHARGES THAT ARE REQUIRED TO FINALISE THE TRANSACTION SOON RESPECTIVELY.

$1250????!!!!! I was going to send you the wrong amount (by almost twice as much!!!!!!!!!) and you did not catch it???????!!!!!!!!

THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL FOR YOU "BARRISTER" TUNDE WILLIAMS!!!! HOW COULD YOU LET SUCH A MISTAKE THROUGH???!!! YOU KNEW YOU HAD ONLY ASKED FOR $1250 AND YET YOU LET ME SEND YOU ALMOST TWICE THAT???!!! HOW COULD ANYONE BE SO INCOMPETENT???!!! HOW COULD ANYONE BE SO SNEAKY???!!!

What were you going to do, tunde? Were you going to pocket the rest and keep poor Mary from seeing any?? Were you hoping I wouldn't notice?? Did you think I had deleted all my email? NO HONEST LAWYER WOULD ALLOW SUCH AN OVERSIGHT TO OCCUR!!

I throw your own words back in your face:

"I WILL WANT YOU TO KNOW,THAT I AM A VERY HONEST AND TRUSTED MAN,I CANNOT DECEIVED YOU NOR BE PART OF ANY FRAUDULENT ACTIVITIY."

No you are not, sir. You have deceived me. You have let me believe that I was sending you a sum of almost TWICE WHAT YOU HAD ASKED FOR. That. sir, is DECEPTION. That, sir, is FRAUDULENT ACTIVITY. That, sir, is DISHONEST.

I am sending a copy of this to Mary. I don't think she will be very happy to hear of your deception. You had better have a VERY FUCKING GOOD REASON FOR THIS.

To quote Tom Servo: "That felt good. Now I'm going to go turn my daughter into a woodchuck."

Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 5:41 pm

I think this bait may have played itself out. Or My lad wised up and is no longer baiting (he has fallen silent in my pther bait as well). These are the last few exchanges after the epic slap I delivered over the prevaricating barrister.

some mugu wrote:

thanks for your mail,i wish to tell you that i am in a very big trouble now in london,i can even pay for my hospital bill.

well,i believe that god will help out of this problem.i told you that the layewr is my late husband lawyer,their is no way we can do anything with out him.please my good friend,help me out of this problem,kindly send the lawyer this fee to enable him to conclude this transaction immediately.please help me.

Well, at least I can have some fun with the old "intentionally misconstrue an innocent typo" modality.

Rusty wrote:

>i can even pay for my hospital bill.

Well, that is certainly good news. I am glad to hear that you are able to cover your medical bills. That relieves some of the urgency. We do not need to move as fast, it would seem.

> well,i believe that god will help out of this problem.i told you that the >layewr is my late husband lawyer,their is no way we can do anything
> with out him.

Nonsense. Lawyers can always be replaced. He will be required to pass every document he has to the new lawyer. In fact, I am now researching other lawyers in Nigeria, and am engaging in correspondence with several, and although I have so far withheld the details of this transaction, they all assure me that there is no reason this fraudulent lawyer cannot be replaced.

>please my good friend,help me out of this problem,kindly send the >lawyer this fee to enable him to conclude this transaction >immediately.please help me.

Which fee do you mean? The $1250 he asked for originally or the $2000 THAT HE DELIBERATELY MISLEAD ME TO BELIEVE WAS THE ORIGINAL AMOUNT???!!!

I have cancelled the money transfer and WILL NOT SEND ANOTHER DIME UNTIL HE EXPLAINS HIMSELF AND HE BETTER HAVE A DAMN GOOD EXPLANATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waited a few days, sent a reminder (her subject line stated it was from the attorney, but her address said otherwise. I called her on that, but she hasn't explained it, and probably won't.)

I then got this:

some mugu wrote:

I have received your mail and it is quite unfortunate that you have really paralysed the fund transfer process.

Well,I have left everything in the hand of God. I am looking for another reliable person to enable me finalise the transafer.

It is not possible for me to change the lawyer because he is my late husband's lawyer

Still on about the lawyer. Apparently, in Nigeria, they're appointed to a family for life. Rolling Eyes

Well, if she's so hot to replace me, I'll play along. I've got no problem walking away from the table, as I'm beginning to suspect there may be something shady about this deal. Twisted Evil

Rusty wrote:

No, Mary, I have NOT paralysed the funds transfer process. YOUR "LAWYER" has paralyzed the funds transfer process BY DELIBERATELY MISLEADING ME AS TO THE AMOUNT OF THE TRANSFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HE ORIGINALLY ASKED FOR $1250, WHICH SOMEHOW MIRACULOUSLY GREW TO $2000 THAT HE FAILED TO CORRECT HIMSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is the significance of him being your husband's lawyer, Mary? That you continue to use him in spite of the overwhelming evidence of his duplicity, deceitfulness, and monumental stupidity does not speak well of your intelligence, or breeding.

I am beginning to suspect that you do not need my help, Mary, and were only out to get my money. You want to get someone else, fine. Bottom line is I win either way. If you are legitimate, YOU need ME, not the other way around, and will grovel at my feet if you want my help. If you are not, I get to KEEP MY MONEY WHERE IT BELONGS.

I have no problem walking away from the table, Mary, and I will, unless I hear from your lawyer with a DAMN GOOD EXPLANATION.

The good news is she's so flustered she forgot to use the secret code phrase. The bad news is there's a few e-mails from the attorney about his trials at the bank that I forgot to put in. I'll fix that.

Twisted Evil

Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2005 8:07 pm

I am playing the "fun with lawyers" game also.
He wanted me to send him his fees by MG, but I refused. I demanded an itemized bill, showing charges for all documents, along with other charges. He also must give me his bank account info for a direct payment, and put the purchase order number and payee approval code on the bill. And it has to be produced on company stationary.
Both my ladette and the lawyer are throwing fits, but I am adament. I love my princess, but I cannot allow her shyster to take advantage of me....

Quote:

As far as the purchase order goes, that is simply a
number that has been assigned for quick payment of
bills, along with the reference number. All that I am
asking the lawyer to do is prepare an itemized bill,
something that any attorney or barrister anywhere in
the world does every day, unless they are either
incompetent or crooks trying to hide something. Then
he is to put the Purchase order number and the payment
code that I SUPPLIED him on the bill. This is not
rocket science.
As for the payment modality, my company makes payments
by 2 methods, both acceptable worldwide. We either do
a bank draft or a bank-to-bank transfer. We do not
send people scurrying around the city to make
Moneygram or Western Union payments carrying packages
of cash. This is not the way that business is
conducted in the United States. We have a very active
tax enforcement branch called the Internal Revenue
Service who can and will put people in jail for shady
practices. I do not see the problem, if the lawyer is
on the level, he has a bank account. If he is working
with the bank that your money is in, and I have to
believe that he is, then he will have an account at
that very bank that can receive transfers. This is the
way that my company pays its attorney in London, Paris
and Mexico City. I ALREADY GAVE MY BANK ACCOUNT
INFORMATION, WHY CANNOT HE BE HONEST ENOUGH TO DO THE
SAME?

Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:12 pm

Sorry for taking so long to post any updates; I thought this bait had stalled out. Looks like it's still running, and I've got another fruitless WU trip just around the corner (with forms!)

My mugu kept refusing to fire the lawyer, and so got this:

Rusty wrote:

Mary, I DID NOT AND HAVE NOT PARALYZED THE FUNDS
TRANSFER PROCESS!!! YOUR LAWYER HAS DONE SO THROUGH HIS OBVIOUS AND BLATANT DECEPTION!!!

Why has he not responded to my accusations? Why have you doggedly refused to replace him even though he is quite obviously either INCOMPETENT (for not catching the OBVIOUS mistake of a VERY LARGE discrepancy in the funds asked for and the funds actually sent) or FRAUDULENT (for noticing the mistake and ALLOWING IT TO REMAIN UNCORRECTED IN ORDER TO STEAL THE EXTRA FOR HIMSELF!!)?

I am putting this in English as plain as I know how: I have the money to send you. I want to help you. BUT I WILL NOT SEND ONE MORE PENNY UNTIL YOU FIRE TUNDE WILLIAMS AND GET A NEW LAWYER. I REFUSE TO WORK WITH HIM BECAUSE OF HIS FLAGRANT DECEPTION OR GROSS
INCOMPETENCE< EITHER OF WHICH IS UNACCEPTABLE!!!

The ball is in your court, Mary. YOU are the one who has PARALYZED THE FUNDS TRANSFER PROCESS BY REFUSING TO REPLACE THAT THIEVING GOAT FUCKER TUNDE WILLIAMS. You, Mary. Not me. The responsibility of finalizing this transfer is squarely on your shoulders. Do not attempt to blame me for what is obviously your fault. HAd you replaced him when I first refused to deal withhim, you would have had your money by now.

At this point I decided to let my own barrister get involved. I "sent" an e-mail to him asking about the niceties of retaining Nigerian lawyers, to which I "replied" with:

Rusty (posing as a mugu barrister) wrote:

YES YOU ARE CORRECT.THERE IS NO REASON WHY SHE SHOULD NOT REPLACE THE THIEF. BECAUSE HE TRIED TO STEAL YOUR MONEY HE IS NOT A REAL LAWYER. KINDLY FORWARD THE MODALITIES OF THE TRANSACTION TO ME AND I WILL GLADLY TAKE OVER THE ACCOUNT FOR MARY AND ALERT THE AUTHORITIES ABOUT THE FRAUDSTAR LAWYER.

THANK YOU ALSO FOR THE FEES.THEY WILL ENABLE ME TO PROSECUTE THIS TRANSACTION QUICKLY

YOURS BROTHER IN CHRIST

BARRISTER MATINS JEFFRIES

I then forwarded that little gem along with the following message attached:

Rusty wrote:

Well, Mary, I contacted another lawyer and it seems I was right. Your Lawyer is a thief and a fraud. I'll let you read the following yourself, but it's safe to say he will be taking over directly everything on my end. I have forwarded everything to him, and he is now acting as our lawyer in this matter. Please inform Tunde he's fired.

By the way, he was able to get the money I sent him; why couldn't Tunde?

Evidently that rattled his cage, because I then got this from him:

some mugu wrote:

I received your mail, I want to tell you that I am still in the hospital in London, I need your help now. I have fined another lawyer who will help us to conclude this transaction since you don�t like Barr tunde Williams.

Now, the new lawyer name is Barr frank oboh.his email address is ([email protected]) kindly mail him immediately and instruct him to finalize this transaction immediately.

Finally, I want you to send some money to my little cousin in Nigeria, becasue the are suffering over their and also to help me with some money for my hospital bills. I need $1,500 dollars from you. Please my good brother. Kindly help me with this money so that I can survive in life. if you agree to help me, kindly inform me so that I will give you the name where you will send the money to. Your urgent response is needed.

A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. And now she's trying to get money to her little cousin in Nigeria. How touching. I got in contact with the lawyer. Surely this one won't have any trouble providing me with his credentials, right?

Rusty wrote:

Mr Oboh, I have been asked to contact you concerning the transaction regarding Mrs Mary Eze. I must tell you, the previous lawyer was quite difficult to work with, and truth be told, I'm not sure was even a lawyer at all. He refused to send me his credentials! I'm sure you won't have any problem with that.

I'll send you my information, if you'll be so kind as to supply me with the standard credentials concerning your bona fides. I'm sure you've got them well in hand, since I think it took "Tunde" so long to produce them because he had to make up some forgeries.

Thank you so much for your help, and I await your email.

More to come....

Posted: Thu Oct 20, 2005 9:29 pm

Being the philanthropist I am, I am of course willing to help out her cousin, as long as she uses the phrase "True Oubiette." The cousin contacts me, calls me uncle, and I send this off in response:

Rusty wrote:

First of all, don't call me uncle. In the US it is considered an extremely racist term and has very negative connotations. Thank you for using the secret code phrase.

Second of all, I would be happy to help you. Where should I send the money? You didn't say. And one more question I'd like you to answer: have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Never heard from her cousin after that. A pity. Anyway, I hear from the lawyer, alright:

some mugu barrister#2 wrote:

I wish to inform you that Mrs. Mary eze called me to finalize her husband transaction; my credential is not
necessary for you.

Now, if you want to work with me, you have to follow my instruction accordily.all the paper work have been obtained, the only thing I need to do is to obtained a clearance from united nations office and summit the
information to the paying bank and your fund will be transferred to you immediately. Kindly give me your full name, your address, and their fee to get the clearance for you. Immediately I receive this information, I will proceed and get the clearance.

Seems the cheeky monkey doesn't want to provide me with credentials. Bastard. Mary also gets into the "you don't need to see his identification" act:

some mugu wrote:

Have you contacted the new lawyer, the only thing we need from him is to get the united nations clearance that is the only thing he can do for us. Barr tunde Williams have obtained the necessary documents. Please tell him the get the clearance for you immediately.

What's that bit about the UN? Better not to have them involved.

Rusty wrote:

Yes, I have contacted the lawyer. He's also not wanting to send his bona fides. Hoonestly, Mary, what is it with these Nigerian lawyers who don't like provong their identity? All I'm asking for is his law
licence. That's not even half of what I asked Tunde for, and the new lawyer's balking now, too?

That does not bode well for this transaction, Mary. In fact, he's already starting to act like Tunde to the point where I need some kind of proof that he's not. The last time you told me not to worry about the lawyer's credentials he was an ignorant boob, so you can understand why I'd like to see this one's as soon as possible. If you remember, your balking at my request slowed the transaction down significantly last time, so I'd advise your lawyer to hop to it and send me his info quickly.

As soon as I have his documents, I'll send your cousin the money he needs. I consider that a fair trade, don't you?

And I'd prefer you not get the UN involved. They're a little, well, upset with me would be the proper term. Let's just say I am very grateful the US does not extradite it's citzens to stand trial before the worldcourt.

That was 9/25. Time goes by, and nothing. I decide to heat things up on 10/04.

Rusty wrote:

Mary, I am a bit confused. Why have you and the lawyer suddenly fallen silent? Do you not have the money anymore? If you have been wasting my time I will be VERY ANGRY. Police will be involved. Someone picked up a $1000 dollar wire transfer and no one has contacted me since, and I AM NOT AMUSED!

Reply to this immediately or I will contact Interpol!

Will it work? Yep.

some mugu wrote:

How are you taday, why i have not write to you is that since i tell you the condition of my sister and for you to send some money to them but you did not do so how can you beliver that i can trust you or countinu with you.

Please sir, if you know that we can proseed this transaction you have to send that money to them because there condition is very bad.

If you are sending any money to them please try and send it through western union money transfer.

I think she forgot that it was supposed to be her cousin. It's been so long, I've forgotten, too, so I didn't slap her for it. Instead, I send this:

Rusty wrote:

Mary, I replied to your sister, and she asked me to send money, which I did, and I have not heard from any of you since. This has lead me to believe that you are only out to get my money. you ask how you can trust me when obviously that ball is in your court! I sent money, and you say I haven't and that you cannot trust me.

Your lawyer has not contacted me either, Mary, which makes me wonder if you all really are who you say you are. Somebody has my thousand dollars, Mary, and I'm pretty sure it's you.

It got her attention.

some mugu wrote:

Please it those not mean that they are not going to contact you but the report I just got from him is that you have not being street forward to him and there is know way he can further to continue providing the last document that remain is that the fund will be in your nominated bank account.

Now what I want to know from you is this are you ready to proceed this transaction as you have started it, because we have know time to west the bank have contacted me that the want to balance this year account and I have to do first before the account balance of the year started.

Yeah, something tells me that this'll last past the end of the year.

I've finally got a live one--it's jumpstarted!	View next topic View previous topic