How does my Character manage to breathe? (bait in progress)

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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:42 am

A stupid little work in progress. I'm working the angle as a straight bait. Except if something can go wrong it will.

The Cast

Doug Bungle (see my sig and you know what to expect)

Dr. Richard Spoon (I like to call him Dick Spoon)

Samson or Clement Okere the jury is still out on what the "Lawyers" name is

My first email he is using the ASEM trick on me, and stupid old Doug doesn't even realize it.

Quote:

ATTENTION:

NOTIFICATION OF BEQUEST .

This is sequel to your non response of our earlier
letter to you on behalf of the Trustees and Executors
to the Will of late of Hon Engr.Billy Scotts(KSM),I
wish to notify you that you were listed as a
beneficiary to the bequest of the sum of Five Million
One Hundred Thousand US Dollars in the codicil and
last testament of the deceased. The late Engr. Billy
Scotts until his death was a former Managing Director
and pioneer staff of a big construction company Julius
Berger BV in the Netherlands. He was a very dedicated
Sufis and a great philanthropist during his life time.

Late Hon. Billy Scotts died on 9th February 2004 at
the age of 68,He was buried on the 23rd of February.
Late Billy Scotts even though he was an American
living and working in Holland as a foreigner he
requested before his death that he be buried here in
his words, "I regard here as My home and the people as
my people". He said that this token is to support your
ministry and help to the less- privileged. I hereby
request that you forward any proof of identities of
yours, your current telephone and fax numbers and your
forwarding address to enable us file necessary
documents at the High Court of Justice probate
division for the release of this bequest of money.

Congratulations!

Yours Faithfully,

DR RICHARD SPOON.

My diligent response

Quote:

I'm sorry sir. I do believe you may have emailed me accidentally. I
hope you do find the right person. 5.1 million dollars is allot to
misplace. I'll take it if you can't find them... kidding of course.

Regards
Doug Bungle

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:48 am

Well a few days go by and I don't hear from him so Doug thinks its wise to check on all this missing cash.

Notice the lad doesn't even care I call him a Dick Spooner

Quote:

Dr Dick Spooner

I never herd back from you about the email I sent you. I was hoping
too. If you haven't herd back from the proper family maybe there is
something I can do to help claim the money.

Doug

Well that got his attention Very Happy

Quote:

Dear Doug Bungle

How are you today?

Thanks for your willingness in assisting me in this mutual
benfit,the most important thing in this business TOP
SECRECT AND CONFIDENCE,what i want you to do is to act as
the next of kin to the Hon Engr.Billy Scotts.

Firstly i will like to introduce you to the lawyer who will
help us to calim all the necessary Documents for the
Documentation of the this project,i will also give you his
name and his email were you will easy reach him
immediately for Onward transfer of the business,Mr Clement
Okere will help us to go and secure all the vital
documments from the high court so pls comply with him
immediately so that we can have this documents.

Secondly i will give you the necessary information so that
you will easy contact him on his email or phone
Name:Mr Clement Okere
Email :[email protected]
cell phone:234-1-4766200
pls contact him and pls let me know the discussion between
you and the lawyer so that i will follow immediately.

Finally immediately you reach by phone or by email pls i
will be expect your telephone and fax number so that we can
contact you by phone so that we have discussion one on one.

Aw awaiting for your responsed

Richard spoon

Well old Mr. Bungle always does what he is told. So Dick Spooner gets an email for the lawyer in his inbox.

Quote:

Mr. Clement Okere

I am contacting you on behalf of a Billy Scotts. I am his only next of
kin and I would like to claim the funds in his account. Please advise.

Doug Bungle

The Lad might be confused now.

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:53 am

Yeah he says some crap here. I think he wanted to inform me that I was supposed to email the Lawyer with that and not him.

Quote:

Dear Doug bungle

How are you today?

i received your mail and i want to let you know that your
mail to me have given the priveledge to deal with you
direct ,since you want to stand as the Next OF KIN Billy
Scotts what i will tell you to do now is to comply with the
lawyer who will help us to claim all the documents which
will help us in this transfer.i will give you the
information of the lawyer who will help us so that you will
contact by email or phone,he travel to NIGERIA for an
official visit so i will like you to contact him
immediately

Name :clement okere

Email:[email protected]

Cellphone:234-1-4766200

Finally i will be happy if you will contact immediately and
seek for his help in this transaction he is the person who
have every right to release the fund without any problem so
comply with him fine.

I await your response

Richard Spoon

Doug is so sorry

Quote:

Thank you for forwarding my information onto him. I await his urgent reply.

Doug

As per the suggestion of one of the other members this was going to turn into an Abbot and Costello skit. I could only figure out how to do it once more.

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:57 am

I think Dick Spoon is getting annoyed.

Quote:

dear Doug Bungle

well i just received you mail pls i will like you to
contact the lawyer through this email so that he will
direct you on what to do.

name:clement okere
email :[email protected]
phone:234-1-4766200

best regards

richard spoon

Well okay lets see what the lawyer has to say. I decide to send the least amount of information in an email. I want to see if this very busy lawyer will magically know what I am talking about.

Quote:

I was told to contact you. Please advise what to do next.

Doug

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 7:05 am

Magically the lawyer knows exactly what is going on AMAZING!!

Quote:

DEAR DOUG BUNGLE,

HOW ARE YOU

AM HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU I WAS TOLD BY YOUR CLIENT MR RICHARD SPOON THAT YOU NEED MY ASSISTANCE IN THIS TRANSACTION WELL , AS A LAWYER WHO HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU WILL DO IN THIS TRANSACTION WITHOUT ANY PROBLEM,I WILL HELP YOU TO GET ALL THE THINGS NEEDED FOR THIS PROJECT.WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS TO COMPLY WITH ME.

SINCE YOU CAN NOT COME OVER HERE I WILL HELP YOU TO GET ALL THE THINGS NEEDED,BEFORE I WILL GET THIS DOCUMENTS FROM THE AUTHORITIES .I HAVE TO PAY SOME AMOUNT OF MONEY SO THAT I WILL GET THIS DOCUMENTS FOR THE MINISTRIES,MY DEAR GOOD FRIEND BY MONDAY MORNING I WILL BE GOING TO THE MINISTRY WERE I WILL FIND OUT THE COST OF THE DOCUMENTS AND I WILL LET YOU KNOW IMMEDIATELY.

FINALLY LAST TIME I WENT FOR SOME DOCUMENTS THERE IT COST ME ABOUT $5,500 THE NAME OF THE DOCUMENTS ARE, CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP,DEATH CERETIFICATE,AFFIDAVIT OF CLAIM WHICH WILL HELP YOU TO GET THIS FUN TRANSFER IN YOUR ACCOUNT.
I WAIT YOUR RESPONSE

BEST REGARD

CLEMENT OKERE.

Why is he yelling at me!! Time for a light slap for using all caps on me.

Quote:

Excuse me

Why are you shouting at me? I never have and never will read an email
written to me in all capital letters. If you are a serious lawyer you
would have never have sent me an email formated like this. If you wish
to continue to do bussiness with me you will re write that properly.

Thank you
Doug

Making them re write will sure get them off the script quick.

Quote:

From the desk of Clement

Attn:Doug Bungle

Well i want to let you know that i didn't shout at you i was try to make it clear to you so that you will get me right,am serious by assistance you to obatin all the needed documents so that we can move ahead in this transaction.

Firstly i want to notify you that i been to the authorities were i will obtain the documents and it will cost us some amount of money that what i want to let you know immediately you send all the information need to make us move forward i will submitt your informations which you sent to me to the authorities so that they will start every thing without wasting time.

Finally i have discussion with the them i was ask to pay $5,500 dollars so that i will collect it immediately and send it to you so that it will be documentated and the fund will move in your account. your can call me on my cell phone 234-1-4766200 so that we can talk about it.

Am awaiting for your response

Clement Okere

Quote:

Thank you.

I know that it seems petty. But an email written in all capital
letters is very insulting in the USA. I have tried your number today I
keep getting an all circuits busy or just disconnected. I am so busy
all of the time its easiest to catch me with email anyways. I hope you
are able to raise the money. I would like to get this transaction
finished quickly. Let me know what you need from me.

Doug

P.S. Is your name Samson or Clement I am very confused.

Of course we all know I didn't try and call. They already have the setup for the cash. I'm sure Doug will blow it.

I know its straight and boring but its a first one for me and would appreciate any constructive criticism.

Thanks

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 2:12 pm

When they give you two names, I find it's always fun to use whichever one they don't, or whatever bears no relationship to their E-mail address. Then, when the time comes to go on travel or do something really important, you need to use a new computer, so you don't have access to your address book. The very important E-mail you need to send goes to the wrong address and ends up bouncing, but you don't get the bounce notice until after they've run to the wrong airport at the wrong time/gone to the wrong Moneygram office/waited far too long for a check that will never arrive... Sounds even more perfect for Doug Bungle.

Love the Abbott and Costello bit. The longer you can go between steps of the early script, the better, I say.

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:32 pm

More from the Dick and the Lawyer today. Wheels are in motion. These two really make it too easy for Mr. Bungle to blow it though.

First from Dick Spooner. Apparently I'm fried now. MMmmm fried bungle.

Quote:

dear fried,
i have not been hereing from you is there any problem.

pls mr Doug Bungle make sure you comply with what ever the
lawyer as you do so we can get true on this transaction
this week.

Sorry Dick didn't know you were so needy. I thought I was talking to you enough as a Lawyer... oh I don't know your playing both parts. oops

Quote:

Dick Spooner

I am sorry I haven't contacted you. I have been in touch with your
lawyer. Thinks seem to be going well. He has asked for $4000 to help
release the funds. See if you can arrange it to take the money from
the fund to release it. I am sure I can retrieve that sort of money. I
think it would be faster to just take it straight from the fund. Since
I am supposedly the "next of kin" I could authorize it.

Doug

This guy can't even take the time to address it to me Crying or Very sad

I'll let it slide for now.

Quote:

Dear

How are you today?

Ijust received your mail and i want to let you know that we are moving forward in this transaction what i want you to do for me is to act as you are direct so that we can claim this fund without any further delay.

Infact i have raised the sum of $1,500 dollars so i will like you to bring the remain balance of $4,000 dollars so that we can secure the DOCUMENTS in your name so that you can stand as the TRUE beneficiary of the fund.That is all i need from you.

THIS IS THE INFORMATION OF PAYMENT:

NAME OF THE RECEIVER:MARTINS IKECHUKWU
ADDRESS OF RECEIVERS:LAGOS-NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION:HOW ARE YOU
ANSWER:FINE

Pls noted that my really name is clement why Samson is my second name.pls i need you telephone and fax number for easy communication.

Am await for your responsed

Clement Okere

Well what the heck do I need a control number for? No mention of a western union. Not that I'll know what one is when he does. "How are you? Fine?" WTF when the time comes I'm going to need some suggestions on a better test question.

So he gets this

Quote:

Control Number?

A control number for what? I sent an email to the Dick Spooner. I am
having him research if we can just pull the money you need directly
from the fund. If not I should not have any problems coming up with
the money. I do need some things from you before we proceed. When
people ask me for money I want to be sure I am in business with a
legitimate individual. Please send me your picture id. The street
address and name of the Law office you work at. I like to know these
things. Just in case something goes wrong and I can get a hold of you.

Also what is that security question and answer for? I don't fully get
the contents of your email.

Thank you
Doug

Anybody see any potential for a trophy yet?

Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:33 pm

Nidoking wrote:

The very important E-mail you need to send goes to the wrong address and ends up bouncing, but you don't get the bounce notice until after they've run to the wrong airport at the wrong time/gone to the wrong Moneygram office/waited far too long for a check that will never arrive... Sounds even more perfect for Doug Bungle.

Great Idea!! Twisted Evil

Posted: Sun Jul 31, 2005 8:18 pm

Some new bickering today. And a mild slap Very Happy

Quote:

hello Doug Bungle ,

i have been wondering why you didnt even feed me back on
your transaction with the lawyer but i really appreciate
your mail this time.

you were told to pay $4000 dollars and you are now telling
me to pay the money , well it is not done that way.you have
to pay this money so that the fund can be transerd to your
account and more so you can now deduct the money you paid
from the fund when it has been transferd into your account.

one more important thing that you need to know the lawyer
came all the way from holland to nigeria all because of the
documents and he is also staying in an hotel and you should
know that he is paying for the hotel so he is paying all
this hotel fees on his own account.

the lawyer suppose to stay for just one week in nigeria but
all because you didnt comply with him this week he has to
stay till next week again and this is really delaying this
transaction.

let me just put this to your notice that he will be livivng
nigeria by this coming week saturday on failingly so is
better you go and send the money immidiately so that he
will hand over all the documents to you and the fund will
be transferd to your account withing 48 hours.

i will want you to reason with me with all the explanation
have made so far so comply with the lawyer withing now and
wednessday if you pay him for the documentations we will
both smile happily on thursday and i will also come down to
your country for my own share.

i am at home about to go to church and i decided to just
check one or two things in my box and i saw your message
so, i quickly decided to reply you.

i will be looking forward to hear a good news from you.

regards,

richard spoon.

Well obviously he went to the next page of the script. Have to see if we can get him back off.

Quote:

Hey Dick

How about you go back and read what I sent you. I mean really read it
and comprehend it. Did I ask you to pay any money out of your own
pocket? After reading the contents of my last email to you. You can
then email me with your thoughts. As far as the lawyer is concerned,
well tough. I didn't hire a lawyer from Holland I have done everything
he has asked so for.... which is nothing he has not asked me to do a
thing. I received an email from him that I could not read for reasons
I explained to him. I have asked him to rewrite it and get back to me.

Till Then
Doug

Such fun

Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:39 pm

More Lad abuse

Quote:

hello doug,

i understand all what you have said in your mail but
initialy you where ask to pay $5500 and the lawyer said he
will help you out with $1500 that you balance up with $4000
for the documents ,but what i still dont understand is that
you are saying that the money should be deducted from the
fund which its not possible because without those documents
been tenderd in the ministry no body can touch that money
so you just have to pay the fees so that the documents can
be prepared on your name .

so i am advising you to send down all your personal
informations to the lawyer immidediately with the fees so
that he will prepare them on your name and as soon as this
done this , the fund will be transferd to your account
immediately.

i not expecting you to write back and start to tell me
another thing i will not be happy with that because this
transaction is just going to take 21 working days and days
is been counting already so you have to do all he ask you
to do.

regards,

richard spoon.

Here is nice Smackidy

Quote:

Ok Dick

Fair enough. I was simply making a suggestion to speed up the process.
Obviously it will not work.

Now in regard to your continuous attacks on my saying I am not
cooperating with the lawyer. I'm guessing you only read half of my
email again. Your reading comprehension must be that of a child. Did
you hit your head or something. I am working with your lawyer. He has
not emailed me back in several days I had some questions that I needed
answered and he has not. For being here on his own dime he is really
dragging his feet. I think he is trying to get more billable hours out
of us.

Doug

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 3:33 am

Finally the lawyer replies. Seems he has a wife that is pregnant. Doug doesn't really seem to care.

Quote:

Dear Doug Bungle

How are you today?

Well i just want to let you know that i have being in nigeria for one month now and my wife is pregant she about eight months so i will be live Nigeria because of my wife am from canada i was sent for this project,i have spent alot in Nigeria because if you will help let us go on in this business.

Finally i will going back to my country because of my wife if want us to go on let go pls if the business did't move fine i will go back so let me know you faith in assist to this matter beside it i don't have you telephone so that i will call you and your fax number,once again i will like to speak with you ver the phone,pls can i have you picture.

Am await to hear from you.

Clement Okere

He gets this reply

Quote:

Clement

If your wife is pregnant maybe you should read my emails a little more
thoroughly. I'm beginning to worry about you and Dick Spooner. You two
have the reading comprehension of a little boy.

I asked you in my email. What control number are you talking about?
You gave me a question and answer, for what? I simply made a
suggestion to speed up the process and you two have slowed it down
beyond belief. You accused me of suggesting you pay. I have done no
such thing. I have the money you require set aside. You have not
provided me with any identification or mailing address like I asked.
Why are you doing this. If you do not provide these things I will
consider this deal complete and I will find something else to do with
my money.

Here is my cell phone number. I have no access to a fax. 206-202-5216

I am also attaching your email you sent me. I want you to read it and
you better reply and tell me that you gave me no useful information in
that email. If you ignore this the deal is done.

Doug

------Your email is below-------

Dear

How are you today?

Ijust received your mail and i want to let you know that we are moving
forward in this transaction what i want you to do for me is to act as
you are direct so that we can claim this fund without any further
delay.

Infact i have raised the sum of $1,500 dollars so i will like you to
bring the remain balance of $4,000 dollars so that we can secure the
DOCUMENTS in your name so that you can stand as the TRUE beneficiary
of the fund.That is all i need from you.

THIS IS THE INFORMATION OF PAYMENT:

NAME OF THE RECEIVER:MARTINS IKECHUKWU
ADDRESS OF RECEIVERS:LAGOS-NIGERIA
TEXT QUESTION:HOW ARE YOU
ANSWER:FINE

Pls noted that my really name is clement why Samson is my second
name.pls i need you telephone and fax number for easy communication.

Am await for your responsed

Clement Okere

Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 8:39 pm

Well they just never like to read. I guess I'm going to have to close the deal on him!!

Quote:

Attn:Doug Bungle

How are you am happy to heard from you since we started this business with happiness a enjoy you and you words,Well what i mean by that answer and question is that if you want to send he which i will use to claim the documents that requested for this business so that you will have prove to the bank that is while am in Nigeria,that is Werstern Union Money Transfer infomation so that i will get this (DOCUMENTS).

Finally the control number means the number which you will give to me if you send it that is the money which we have to use to claim the documents.

Am await for your response

Best Regard

Clement Okere

Werstern Union? What the deuce?

Quote:

Greetings Clement

So glad to hear from you. I searched in the phone book and I cannot
seem to find a "Werstern Union" is Werstern a last name or something?

I'm very glad that we are getting back on track. Unfortunately I told
you in my last email that there were 2 deal breakers. You have let
both of them go. I am assuming you no longer wish to do business with
me since you cannot give me the courtesy of reading what I write.

I had sincerely hoped I could help you and your friend.

Good Day and God bless you.

Doug

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