Oh, Give It A Rest, Already...

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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 8:56 pm

This was one of my very first baits, and it unexpectedly turned into a mega-mundo-marathon bait. If I had saved all the emails, I think it would be over 300 of them! Thankfully, I'm not going to subject you to that many, I'll join the bait "in progress" so to speak.

This one interests me because I've made it plain repeatedly to the scammers that I think they're scammers, and they still haven't quite given up, despite the fact that they've been working on me since last October, but haven't gotten any encouragement.

Must be my alluring perfume.

Suffice it to say that it was a standard "contract payment" scam, involving Mike Morka, Barrister Festus Ibe, and Wema Bank. Along the way, there was some bank-killin' fun, and a lot of lad time wasted.

Let's pop in where the bank starts asking for documents.

Quote:

> ------ Original Message ------
> > Received: Wed, 03 Nov 2004 03:08:04 AM EST
> > From: wemabank remmittance
> > To: [email protected]
> > Subject: Wema Bank Plc.
> >
> > WEMA BANK PLC
> > HEAD OFFICE
> > Wema House,No 54, Marina str,
> > Lagos Nigeria.
> > Tel\Fax:234 1 7592119
> > E-Mail:[email protected]
> >
> >
> > Attention: Hannah Lanham,
> >
> > Sir\Ma,
> >
> >
> > RE:ESTATE OF LATE ENGR.STEVE MOORE
> >
> > We are in receipt of your letter of application dated 28th oct. 2004 to
> this
> > bank as on the above subject matter, and do assure you that urgent
> attention
> > is being giving to it.
> >
> > We wish to state that the Estate belonging to the Late .Engr. Steve Moore
> in
> > excess of US$15M ,mostly in unremitted contracts executed by him for the
> > Government and domiciled to the Wema Bank,is still intact and ready to be
> > credited to your account as soon as you provide this Bank with the
> following
> > informations.
> >
> > 1.The Death Certificate of Late Engr. Steve Moore .
> >
> > 2.The three (3)years Tax Certificate of the Late Engr. Steve Moore
> peceeding
> > his death.
> >
> > 3.A Certificate of AFFIDAVIT OF CLAIM from a Federal High Court in
Nigeria.
>
> >
> > 4.A Clear copy of your Driver's License or International Passport.
> >
> > We have applied to the Federal Ministry of Finance(FMF) for the Foreign
> > Exchange Allocation Approval covering the said amount and will notify you
> as
> > soon as we receives same.
> >
> > Note that the transfer will not be effected untill the above documents
are
> > submitted.
> >
> > We await your prompt submission of the above informations
> >
> > Yours Faithfully,
> >
> > Yinka Adegbite
> >
> >

I let Mike Morka know.

Quote:

> > [email protected] wrote:They want some documents. I assume you can
take
> care of this?
> >
> > Hannah

He refers me to his very non-responsive barrister, Barrister Festus Ibe.

Quote:

> ------ Original Message ------
> Received: Wed, 03 Nov 2004 12:14:49 PM EST
> From: mike morka
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Option of a lawyer
>
> > Hannah,
> >
> > But why did you not call me when you receive such information from the
bank.
> Anyway my mind is settled because what this information means is that the
> bank has taken you
> > automatically as the beneficiary of the fund and the rightful Next Of Kin
to
> Late Egr. Steve Moore.No other application will be entertained on this
regard.
> About the required documents from the bank,This is to substantiate the
claim
> and as soon as the
> > documents are submitted to the bank, the fund will be remitted to your
> account.
> > You have to communicate the bank now and acknowledge the receipt of the
> information ,thank the bank for their prompt attention ,then send your ID
and
> the Death certificate to the bank(that is Nos 1 & 4 requirement) and
promise
> the bank that the remaining documents will be submitted to the bank as soon
as
> possible.
> > .Now, what we are going to do to get the remaining documents(Death
> Certificate,Tax clearance and Affidavit of Claim) is to contract a lawyer
to
> help us go to the ministries where these documents will be issued and
procure
> them for us. You know that I cannot go for the documents because I dont
want
> people to know my involvement in the transaction and it may not be possible
> for you also to come down and look for the documents.
> > I will link you to a lawyer and you will contact him yourself,whatever
the
> lawyer says,just let me know, But do not mention my name to the lawyer for
any
> reason,please.
> > I know of one powerful lawyer,very infleuential and a senior advocate of
> this country, his name is Barrister FESTUS IBE ,his contact email address
is
> > [email protected] Please,contact him now,tell him as
> follows,
> > That you have a claim of $15m with the Wema bank,that the claim was left
you
> by your cousin,Late Egnr. Steve Moore who died in the year 1997. Tell him
that
> the Wema bank requires you to provide the documents to substantiate your
> claim,name the documents to the lawyer to understand exactly what you want
> him to do for you.
> > Ask the lawyer to assist you to get the documents very fast as the bank
> wants them urgently. Remember not to mention my name to the lawyer,but tell
> the lawyer that
> > somebody directed you to him.Please,contact the lawyer now and let me
know
> his responds. As soon as the documents are submitted to the bank,the fund
> will be
> > released.
> >
> > Email the lawyer now.
> >
> > Waiting to hear from you again.
> >
> > Mike Morka,
> >

I'm a mite argumentative.

Quote:

> [email protected] wrote:
> Why should I call you? I forwarded you the request as soon as I got it.
It's
> not as though by calling you I could get the documents faster. I just
emailed
> the lawyer, I'll go email the bank.
>
> Hannah

Why, I'm flattered. I had no idea I was so influential just because I have ovaries...

Quote:

------ Original Message ------
Received: Thu, 18 Nov 2004 04:04:05 PM EST
From: mike morka <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Where are you?

> Hannah,
>
> I contacted you on this deal because you are a woman to use your influence
so that the bank can listen to you and act swftly,but you are not impressing
me,I cannot get feedbacks from you.
>
> I ask you to contact a lawyer uptill now you have not told me the extent you
have gone with the lawyer not to talk about the bank.
>
> Please Hannah, I am pleading to you to wake from slumber and assist to
transfer this fund to your account.This is an opportunity God has set for you
and me.
>
> Email the lawyer and the bank so that we can know what to do next,you should
not keep me in the dark,I cannot advice on what I don't know.
>
> I beg your understanding of my situation in this transaction.I am not free
to contact the lawyer or the bank myself about this transaction, I depend on
you to know issues.
>
> Contact me.
>
> Mike.

I'm not happy with Festus.

Quote:

The lazy lawyer, Barrister Festus Ibe has been contacted. He failed to contact
me, even though he said he was going to do the investigation with the bank and
contact me the day after it was done. After much prodding, he finally got off
of his lazy behind and did the investigation. He didn't even apologize for
leaving me hanging for weeks, had mutiple typos in his report back to me, and
called me "Sir" instead of Madam.

I corrected him on that, and asked him to clarify the amount, as he had two
different figures in his report, and he did so. He wants $11,050 in fees, and
a .1% commission of the amount in the bank, and asked for the fee, but he
didn't actually bother to tell me how to pay him. So I've asked him to clarify
that. And that is where we stand right now. He seems a terribly incompetent
barrister, so far.

Hannah

My conversations with Festus? A bit... nagging.

I had let him know I needed the documents. He replied, after much, much, much pestering, with a very confusing letter. So, I got a bit inquisitive...

Quote:

> ------ Original Message ------
> Received: Thu, 18 Nov 2004 01:33:33 AM EST
> From: barristerfestus ibe
> To: [email protected]
> Subject: Investigation Result.
>
> > Sorry, since you could not respond back to my last email of 4th of nov,I
> assumed that you have gotten an alternative.
> >
> > For the attention of, Hannah Lanham,
>
> Some clarification: What was I supposed to reply? You stated in your last
mail
> to me, and I quote "You will be contacted as soon as we are through with
the
> investigation in the bank tomorrow." You indicated YOU would contact ME
when
> you finished investigating with the bank the next day.
>
> >
> > Sir,
>
> I am NOT a Sir. I am a Madam.
>
> >
> > THOROUGH INVESTIGATION IN THE BANK.
> >
> > Following my previous email to you , I write to inform you that I have
> visited the Wema bank Head office at , Marina str,lagos and heard audience
> with the international remittance director,Mr. Yinka Adegbite and some
other
> directors that matters in the bank.
> >
> > After thorough investigation and interview with these officers in the
bank
> this morning, it might interest you to note that your Claim is very genuine
> and authentic.
> > The late Engr. Steve Moore (your cousin) runs a current account with the
> Wema bank and has a balance of $15,00,000.00 and some fraction left in the
> account before his death in 1997.
> >
> > To this impressive status of your claim, I accept your offer.
> >
> > Moreso, my acceptance of your offer does not stop on procuring the
documents
> alone as you initially requested but as a lawyer with reputable stature in
the
> profession, I affirm to follow this transaction vigoriously as your legal
> representative with fair justice until the $15,00,000.00 is confirmed in
your
> account.
> >
> > This morning, the various organs and ministries where the required
> documents will be procured were visited and was intimated on the ways and
> conditions as follows:
> >
> > (1)For the Death certificate: this is procured from the population
> commission ministry in conjunction with ministry of health. The cost of
> issuing this is $2000.00
> >
> > (2) The three years tax clearance certificate : This is issued by the
Inland
> revenue services. Out of the three years tax required,Steve Moore, evaded
tax
> for only one year before his death and the year's rate is $7,500 while the
> stamp duty on the tax certificate cost $500
> >
> > (3)At the High court, the Affidavit is $1,050.00,infact this is my area
of
> jurisdiction.
> >
> > In total, the cost of getting the three documents is $11,050.
> >
> > My professional charge is 0.1% of your claim ($15,000.00 ) , but you have
> the option of paying the fee within 48 hours of the confirmation of your
> claim in your account.
> >
> >
> > So, you are expected to send to me urgently the total sum of $11,050.00
for
> the documents . I can get the documets within two working days on receipt
of
> the total cost of the documents.
> >
> > I shall send to you the "Power of Attorney" you will have to complete it
and
> return to me to enable me act on your behalf fully on this regard.
> >
> > Waiting for your urgent response.
> >
> > Yours sincerely,
> >
> > Barrister, Festus Ibe (Esq
> >
> >
> Clarify, please, In places you say 15,00,000.00, in others, you seem to
> indicate you mean 15,000,000.00. I would like reaffirmation of the correct
> amount. And before I can pay you, I would like some verification of your
being
> licensed to practice law, some documentation of some sort. I'm sure you
> understand and would be happy to provide proof of your certification, since
I
> am paying you for legal services without ever having met you face to face.
>
> Hannah

And here we go again...

Quote:

And I'm supposed to pay you... how? Mail a check? It's going to take me a
little while to get that kind of fee together, but I certainly can't pay you
if you don't tell me where or how to send the money.

Hannah

------ Original Message ------
Received: Thu, 18 Nov 2004 03:21:06 PM EST
From: barristerfestus ibe
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Investigation Result.

> Sorry for the typographical error in the amounts written and also in
addressing you as Sir while you are Madam.Below is the correct information.
>
> For the Attention of,Hannah Lanham,
>
> Madam,
>
> THOROUGH INVESTIGATION IN THE BANK.
>
> Following my previous email to you , I write to inform you that I have
visited the Wema bank Head office at , Marina str,lagos and heard audience
with the international remittance director,Mr. Yinka Adegbite and some other
directors that matters in the bank.
>
> After thorough investigation and interview with these officers in the bank
this morning, it might interest you to note that your Claim is very genuine
and authentic.
> The late Engr. Steve Moore (your cousin) runs a current account with the
Wema bank and has a balance of $15,000,000.00 and some fraction left in the
account before his death in 1997.
>
> To this impressive status of your claim, I accept your offer.
>
> Moreso, my acceptance of your offer does not stop on procuring the
documents
> alone as you initially requested but as a lawyer with reputable stature in
the
> profession, I affirm to follow this transaction vigoriously as your legal
representative with fair justice until the $15,000,000.00 is confirmed in your
account.
>
> This morning, the various organs and ministries where the required
documents will be procured were visited and was intimated on the ways and
conditions as follows:
>
> (1)For the Death certificate: this is procured from the population
commission ministry in conjunction with ministry of health. The cost of
issuing this is $2000.00
>
> (2) The three years tax clearance certificate : This is issued by the
Inland revenue services. Out of the three years tax required,Steve Moore,
evaded tax for only one year before his death and the year's rate is $7,500
while the stamp duty on the tax certificate cost $500
>
> (3)At the High court, the Affidavit is $1,050.00,infact this is my area of
jurisdiction.
>
> In total, the cost of getting the three documents is $11,050.
>
> My professional charge is 0.1% of your claim ($15,000.00 ) , but you have
the option of paying the fee within 48 hours of the confirmation of your
claim in your account.
>
>
> So, you are expected to send to me urgently the total sum of $11,050.00 for
the documents . I can get the documets within two working days on receipt of
the total cost of the documents.
>
> I shall send to you the "Power of Attorney" you will have to complete it
and return to me to enable me act on your behalf fully on this regard.
>
> Waiting for your urgent response.
>
> Yours sincerely,
>
> Barrister, Festus Ibe (Esq
>

And finally, Festus manages to get something fairly straight.

Quote:

For the attention of, Hannah Lanham,

Madam,

Due to the urgency of your offer, I will advice you to send these monies via any fast means ,I suggest by western union money transfer to the name of my cashier as below,

Name...........SAM UGBAH.

Address......LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Please pay it in different transaction.

I Will send you the licence tomorrow,I have been busy today all through,bear with me.

Festus Ibe.

But that doesn't mean I'm not going to nitpick...

Posted: Tue May 24, 2005 8:19 pm

Mike doesn't like me calling Festus lazy. He leaps... well, okay, sort of bounces a bit... to the defense of his lawyer.

Quote:

Hannah,

Thanks for your explanation, and your effort to have been contacting with the lawyer.
Point of correct please, Barrister Festus is not a lazy lawyer but has lots of clients on his neck. (That can't be good for his back...) But I am very sure that as soon as the document fee is paid to him, that will mobilize him into actions,you should know that as you being a distance client, he can only be serious with the offer when money is committed.

Now for the $11,050 requested by the lawyer, I will be able to come up with $5000, please send $6,050 to the lawyer from your side. As soon as he confirms to you the mode of paying the fee to him, forward it to me so that I can send my $5000 to him immediately.

Please email the bank to allow us more days to be able to put everything inorder, get the documents and submit to them.They should allow us at least till wednesday next week because of this weekend.

Thank you again for your unflinching effort to see that this transaction comes to this so far.

Waiting,

Mike Morka.

Oh, there's going to be some flinching...

Dear me, Festus has sent some ID for me to peruse.

Quote:

For the Attention of, Hannah Lanham,

Madam,

Attached are my informations for your perusal as you have requested.Please confirm the receipt urgently.

Thanks,

Barr. Festus Ibe

and this lovely certificate.

Posted: Wed May 25, 2005 8:55 pm

Mike wishes me a happy Sunday. Aww! Isn't that sweet? And he's so eager to get "his $5000" to poor "Barrister Festus". Must be for the client removals from his neck...

Quote:

Hannah,

Happy sunday.
I look for to know if the lawyer has contacted you on how the money will get to him so that I can send the $5000 to him urgently,
Have you written to the bank also? please email the bank for more time.
Regards,

Mike

Mike's very impatient. And I never call...

Quote:

Hannah,

Good Morning.Please update me urgently.I am waiting.
When can I get you on the phone, I have tried severally but the number you gave to me is perminently on answering device,why?

You cannot even call me too.

Respond to me now with all the forgoings,Have you heard from the lawyer again? Get the information from the lawyer so that I can forward the $5000 to him while you make the arrangement to send the balance $6000 to him immediately.
We are suppose to receive this fund this week.
Contact the bank aswell today.Send your Id to the bank please.

Mike.

Poor, jilted boy.

Yeah, Mike... about that lawyer...

Quote:

> Hannah,
>
> Thanks for your explanation, and your effort to have been contacting with
the lawyer.
> Point of correct please, Barrister Festus is not a lazy lawyer but has lots
of clients on his neck.

Being busy is no excuse for being sloppy and neglecting a client.

>But I am very sure that as soon as the document fee is paid to him, that will
mobilize him into actions,you should know that as you being a distance client,
he can only be serious with the offer when money is committed.
>
> Now for the $11,050 requested by the lawyer, I will be able to come up with
$5000, please send $6,050 to the lawyer from your side. As soon as he confirms
to you the mode of paying the fee to him, forward it to me so that I can send
my $5000 to him immediately.

Here's the payment information.

________
For the attention of, Hannah Lanham,

Madam,

Due to the urgency of your offer, I will advice you to send these monies via
any fast means ,I suggest by western union money transfer to the name of my
cashier as below,

Name...........SAM UGBAH.

Address......LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Please pay it in different transaction.

I Will send you the licence tomorrow,I have been busy today all through,bear
with me.

Festus Ibe.
_____

I'm going to need a few days to get that kind of money together, so I can pay
him.

Hannah

*sigh* Festus, why must you be so vague?

Quote:

What do you mean, "pay it in different transaction"? I'm confused.

Hannah

Wema Bank, you'll remember (or not) was asking for documents. I keep them in the loop.

Quote:

Barrister Festus Ibe will probably be able to submit the necessary documents
on or after Wednesday, November 24.

Hannah

I'm admittedly a little snippy with Mike. Especially as he's asking me to send things to the bank that they haven't even asked for...

Quote:

> Hannah,
>
> Good Morning.Please update me urgently.I am waiting.
> When can I get you on the phone, I have tried severally but the number >you
gave to me is perminently on answering device,why?
>

Perhaps because you always call when I'm at work? And when I get home from
work, I can't call you, because I would be getting you out of bed at a very
rude hour.

> You cannot even call me too.
>
> Respond to me now with all the forgoings,Have you heard from the lawyer
again? Get the information from the lawyer so that I can forward the $5000 to
him while you make the arrangement to send the balance $6000 to him
immediately.
> We are suppose to receive this fund this week.
> Contact the bank aswell today.Send your Id to the bank please.

Why would I need to send my ID to the bank? They haven't asked for any ID.
Have you been talking to the bank behind my back or something?

Hannah

Posted: Thu May 26, 2005 4:11 pm

Mike goes on the defensive.

Quote:

Hannah,

Thanks for your email.
How can I be contacting the bank in your back?Did you want the bank to know my involvment in this transaction?,it will endanger our chances of receiving the $15m.Do not mention my name to the bank.
I knew about what the bank ask from you from the information you sent to me.Below is part of what you sent to me as what you received from the bank,
1.The Death Certificate of Late Engr. Steve Moore .

2.The three (3)years Tax Certificate of the Late Engr. Steve Moore
peceeding
his death.

3.A Certificate of AFFIDAVIT OF CLAIM from a Federal High Court in
Nigeria.

4.A Clear copy of your Driver's License or International Passport.

This is where I knew about the ID.The number 4 ,requirement is your ID.

Now Hannah, How much have you now from the $6000?,I have sent my $5000 to the lawyer this evening.I want the lawyer to commence work on these documents immediately so as to meet with the time frame of the bank.

You can send $2000 first while you send the rest later but let the lawyer start work.

Please send at least $2000 today or tomorrow to the lawyer. and ask him to commence work with the $2000 plus the $5000 that I have sent to him this evening.

Respond to me urgently.

Mike.

So, Mike would be happy to get even $2000 out of me at this point. I love it when a lad bargains.

And ooh, the pressure tactics!

Quote:

Hannah,

Please let me know as soon as the lawyer sends any of the documents to you.I also want you to try and send at least $2000 from your side today to the lawyer.Time is not on our side in this transaction.We should be fast.

Mike

Barrister Festus Ibe puts some wind up my skirt about supposedly getting the other $5000 that my "partner" has sent.

Quote:

For the attention of,Hannah Lanham,

Madam,

Please note that I have received the $5000 sent to this office in your name.
What I mean by "Pay in different transactions" is ,for example now that I have received $5000 from you this morning, then the remaining $6050 if the western union cannot allow you to pay such amount in one transact,you can break them into about two or three transactions but under that same name of my cashier.

I have left this morning to get some of the documents from the $5000 received this morning and I shall email the documents as soon as I procure any.

Please ,I advice you to expediate action and send this balance urgently to enable us gather all the documents at once.

Have a nice day.

Barr. Festus Ibe.

In other words "Please pay me. Please?"

Wema Bank adds to the wind.

Quote:

Attention: Ms Hannah Lanham,

Ma,

This is to acknowledge the receipt of your recent email to this bank.We also want to inform you that having missed the first date of the transfer you have another and final chance which has been again fixed on Friday this week,the 26th Nov,2004.

Please make sure that all the four(4) documents are received in this bank before the above date to enable this bank remit your funds as scheduled.

Please urgently reconfirm your bank account details to us,Print in blocks to avoid mistake.

Thanks for your cooperation and understanding.

Yinka Adegbite.

Festus is so eager to get paid, he even does some work! In the form of sending me a crappy email attachment, of course.

Posted: Fri May 27, 2005 6:28 pm

Barrister sends me an affidavit! How exciting!

Quote:

Attention: Hannah,

The attached is the affidavit.

Festus Ibe.

It has so many lovely typos. Like the Ministry if Finance...

I take a bit of exception to the bank's instructions.

Quote:

What on earth are you talking about? How can I "print in blocks" when this is
an email? Did you mean to attach a form to be filled out? My bank information
hasn't changed. You know, it would have been a lot easier for you to simply
send me the information you have and allow me to confirm that it's correct.

Hannah

I tell Mike I'm not quite ready to send ID just yet.

Quote:

Well, I'm not sending them my ID until I have the rest of the documents to
send. Considering how incompetent they've been so far, they'll just lose it.

Hannah

I stall with the barrister with more inane questions.

Quote:

I don't understand. Why can't Western Union let me send $6050 at once?

Hannah

And for good measure, I pick at the certificate.

Quote:

Why is the date of issue five years after the date of death?

Hannah

And to top off the hat trick, I pick on the affidavit's typos.

Quote:

You have some typos in the affidavit that need to be fixed.

Hannah

Mike is not happy. He's begging, in fact. I love it when they beg.

Quote:

Hannah,

Your decission will not help issues, I have ask you to send at least $2000 to the lawyer today,have you done that?

Please I am beging you to make this transaction as a priority expecially now that I have voted all I have into it so that we can conclude it now.

We need to gather all the documents this week and submit to the bank to enable them release this funds into your account.

Send money to the lawyer in addition to the one I have sent in your name already.

Thanks,

Mike.

Or, um, beging.

And I'll be darned if I don't get a concession from Wema Bank, too!

Quote:

Attention: Hannah Lanham,

Below is the information we have in this office

Credit Investment Bank
66 Sandriham Court Ipsilani, WA 901482

Acct Name...Hannah Lanham

The account number is missing .

Please confirm and urgent forward the account numbers to us.

It is also pertinent to inform you that we have not received any of the documents from you proir to the transfer come this friday.

We are waiting for the documents urgently.

Thanks,

Yinka Adegbite.

Posted: Tue May 31, 2005 3:57 pm

Meanwhile, Festus gives me a lovely explanation as to why the dates are off on the certificate.

Quote:

For the attention of Hannah Lanham,

Madam,

This is to inform you that I have receive your recent emails to this office.I want to inform you that the documents so far procured are very genuine and authentic.There is no way the office responsible for the issuance of the Death certificate will agree to backdate but must write the date in which it is being issued.You can obtain the death certificate even after ten years all depends what you need it for and in as much as the informations contained are correct about the deceased.

The affidavit is very okay, I did that myself,I am so surprise with your disbelieves on the documents procured. Anyway, I have submitted the two documents to the bank this afternoon on your behalf, the bank has accepted it without any complain.

I look forward to receive the rest money from you to enable me complete the assignment .

Best wishes,

Festus Ibe.

Why, no Festus, I can't figure why I got my disbelieves all over your affidavit, either. Did you get your peanut butter on my chocolate?

I ask a few more questions.

Quote:

> For the attention of Hannah Lanham,
>
> Madam,
>
> This is to inform you that I have receive your recent emails to this
office.I want to inform you that the documents so far procured are very
genuine and authentic.There is no way the office responsible for the issuance
of the Death certificate will agree to backdate but must write the date in
which it is being issued.You can obtain the death certificate even after ten
years all depends what you need it for and in as much as the informations
contained are correct about the deceased.

Then that begs an even bigger question, then. Why does the year read 2002?
It's 2004!

>
> The affidavit is very okay, I did that myself,I am so surprise with >your
disbelieves on the documents procured. Anyway, I have submitted the >two
documents to the bank this afternoon on your behalf, the bank has >accepted it
without any complain.

There were several spelling and grammatical errors on all the documents. I
guess the bank must not be very picky, then.

>
> I look forward to receive the rest money from you to enable me complete the
assignment .
>
> Best wishes,
>
> Festus Ibe.
>
>

I sent it moneygram because the moneygram office was closer. The receipt is
attached.

Hannah

Apparently he doesn't get all his frustration out in a single email (think I insulted him?), so he continues being a whiny baby in the next.

Quote:

For the attention of, Hannah Lanham,

Madam,

Infact ,I dont know what you take me for, I have started to consider all your uttrances to me and my proffession from day one,I quite understood you are doubting my credibility as a law practitioner,but you should bear in mind that I have not known you in person, you should not be so strict to me for I have not perpetrated any evil against you as a person. I have always treated you as a respected client and holds you at a very high esteem but you derives joy in letting me down,why?
Why are you neglecting all that I have done for you even when the bank has accepted and made every documentations on them?.

It is not always good to prove so to your fellow human being,there is suppose to be a good rapport between us as people having things in common.I cannot hold my silence any longer

Please note that I did not receive the attached receipt of the moneygram that you sent and besides I am not anxious of any money sent but will only conclude your offer to me as soon as I receive the balance money in this office.

I can attest to the fact that all the informations on the documents are inorder, the dates and whatever are how it suppose to be.

I appologize to you if any word used in this email has in anyway upset you or sounds somehow.

Best wishes,

Barr. Festus Ibe.

Not concerned with the money. Riiiiiight.

By now, the bank has let me know what they're "missing". (Besides, you know, money and a bank...)

Quote:

Received: Wed, 24 Nov 2004 01:19:36 AM EST
From: wemabank remmittance
To: [email protected]
Subject: Wema Bank Plc.

> Attention: Hannah Lanham,
>
> Below is the information we have in this office
>
> Credit Investment Bank
> 66 Sandriham Court Ipsilani, WA 901482
>
> Acct Name...Hannah Lanham
>
> The account number is missing .
>
> Please confirm and urgent forward the account numbers to us.
>
> It is also pertinent to inform you that we have not received any of the
documents from you proir to the transfer come this friday.
>
> We are waiting for the documents urgently.
>
> Thanks,
>
> Yinka Adegbite.

I make some stuff up, like usual.

Quote:

The account number is CIB901482

Hannah

They reply.

Quote:

Attention : Hannah Lanham,

Ma,

Thanks for the account number sent to this bank.Also be informed that the Death certificate and the Affidavit of claim sent to this bank is received and documented .We write again to remind you that today is thursday, 26th Nov ,2004, we still have not received the Tax certificate as one of the required documents by this bank prior to the transfer of your claim tomorrow being friday the 27th of Nov, 2004.
It is comparatively important to bring to your notice that the transfer will not hold in as much as this bank has not received all the documents in place to substantiate your claim.

Please urgently forward this last Tax certificate and your Identification to this bank before 12noon tomorrow as the transfer takes place exactly 1.30pm friday, 27th Nov, 2004.

Congratulations.

Yinka Adegbite.

I'm getting a bit tired of being addressed as "Ma", as that is what I used to call my dear departed granny!

Mikey boy checks in.

Quote:

Hannah,

What is the update?.Have you sent the lawyer the remaining balance money.Note that tomorrow is the transfer date,How many of the documents have you received from the lawyer from the money that I sent to him in your name?I you not to allow us miss this opportunity at hand.

Please send the balance money to the lawyer today by western union urgently to enable him get the rest document\s for us and submit to the bank.

I am waiting to hear from you, send your Id to the bank too, please,please.

Mike.

Anxious much, Mike?

I helpfully give Mike this update.

Quote:

Well, Barrister Ibe agrees with me that he's quite incompetent. He made some
shocking errors in the documents that he prepared for me. He's supposed to be
suggesting a more competent colleague to complete the transfer.

Hannah

See, now, somewhere in all this mess, Festus really did do the "poor, pitiful me, would you rather get someone else to do the job?" act. So, finding him wanting, I took him up on it!

Mike also does a boo-hoo guilt trip.

Quote:

Hannah,

I know now that I have wasted all my effort and resources due to your promises to me that you will help me in transferring this this $15m.

I am very surprise that as at this time you are still exchanging words with the lawyer instead of paying the balance or part of the balance to him to enable him complete the job.I am crying now for you have done bad to me in life.

I am disappointed in you,frankly.

I have now started to look for another beneficiary to assist me out,please you may not bother yourself again about this transaction.I am not comfortable in continuing with you.Go ahead with your ways and manners,.

Thanks for your effort so far, my God will see me through,but do not deceive human beings of your kind in this nature, try to be truthful to your partners in business.
Your character does not portray good of you in any way.

Good luck.

Mike.

I'm a bit sick of Mike's whininess, so I decide here is a good spot to twig.

Quote:

> Hannah,
>
> I know now that I have wasted all my effort and resources due to your
>promises to me that you will help me in transferring this this $15m.

Well, I'm sure you've wasted a lot of time and resources, but there never was
any $15m, was there?

>
> I am very surprise that as at this time you are still exchanging words >with
the lawyer instead of paying the balance or part of the balance to >him to
enable him complete the job.

Lawyer? Hah! I hardly think it worth calling him a lawyer. The only job you're
trying to get completed is a job on me.

>I am crying now for you have done bad >to me in life.

Boo. Fucking. Hoo.

>
> I am disappointed in you,frankly.

Oh my. I'm so sorry. Not.

>
> I have now started to look for another beneficiary to assist me >out,please
you may not bother yourself again about this transaction.I am >not comfortable
in continuing with you.Go ahead with your ways and >manners,.
>

Well, you go right ahead. But I doubt you're going to fool the next person you
contact, either.

> Thanks for your effort so far, my God will see me through,but do not deceive
human beings of your kind in this nature, try to be truthful to your partners
in business.
> Your character does not portray good of you in any way.
>
> Good luck.
>
> Mike.

I was every bit as truthful as you were, "Mike". I don't think I would be
spouting off about how "your God" is going to see you through and how awful I
was to deceive you when you make your living being a thief. You see, I went to
the Western Union to pay "Barrister" Festus Ibe, and I spotted rather an
interesting pamphlet up for display, that described you and your little scam
perfectly. You are a fucking 419 scammer. Try selling your "barrister" and
your "millions" somewhere else. I, for one, am going to tell eveyone I know
about you and people like you. Thief. Liar. Scammer.

I've attached a scan of the pamphlet, just in case you feel like seeing hwat
got you and your little scam busted.

Hannah

I attach the following pamphlet.

I figure my fun is over at this point, but no way! It's just getting started, really.

Posted: Tue May 31, 2005 9:48 pm

The time, she goes by. After a while, I get a contact email direct to the same baiting address, which I later figure out is really an extension of this bait.

First, William Oni calls...

Quote:

DEAR SIR/MADAM,
THIS IS TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT YOUR CONTRACTUAL AMOUNT $15m DOLLARS HAS BEEN APROVED FOR PAYMENT INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, PLEASE YOU ARE HERE BY ADVISE TO RECONFIRM YOUR PARTICULARS TO AVOID PAYING A WRONG PERSON.KINDLY CONTACT OUR PAYING OFFICER MANAGER.
Mr Vander Brooks
Wiring/Tranfer Officer (TB)
Treasures Bank, Netherlands.
www.treasbank.com
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
Tel: 0031645948172

THANKS, I WAIT YOUR REPLY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
WILLIAM ONI.
DIRECTOR OF FOREIGN PAYMENT.
treasures bank PLC

Nice to see such attention to detail. Like hanging onto my gender and little details like that...

I also get an identical letter from Richard Robinson. *facepalm*

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH LANHAM,

THIS IS TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT YOUR CONTRACTUAL AMOUNT $15m DOLLARS HAS BEEN APROVED FOR PAYMENT INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, PLEASE YOU ARE HERE BY ADVISE TO RECONFIRM YOUR PARTICULARS TO AVOID PAYING A WRONG PERSON PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT YOU ARE NOT PAYING ANY UP FRONT PAYMENT TO OPEN AN ACCOUNT .KINDLY CONTACT OUR PAYING MANAGER.
Vander Brooks
Wiring/Tranfer Officer (TB)
Treasures Bank, Netherlands.
www.treasbank.com
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
Tel: 0031645948172

THANKS, I WAIT YOUR REPLY.
YOURS FAITHFULLY,
RICHARD ROBINSON

For no good reason, I decide to slap Richard Robinson. Maybe alliteration irritated me that day...

Quote:

What particulars do I need to reconfirm. And are you aware that your website
is down? I tried emailing your real address and they were all bounced. It's
ridiculous, having to correspond with a bank through a Yahoo address.

And what's your title with the bank? You do realize William Oni already
contacted me about this don't you? Don't any of you at this bank speak to one
another?

Hannah

But they're on that whole Treasures thing. They expect me to swallow yet another fake bank, with a totally different name, as being affilliated with them as well. These dudes are seriously unorganized. They don't segue well, and they apparently don't talk to one another.

Mike Khehla enters the fray. (Is every third guy named Mike?)

Quote:

ATTN: MR. NAME: HANNAH LANHAM

Dear Sir,

Re: Credit Instructions as per payment advice File#3787

We have received reciprocal credit instruction via WEMA BANK, NIGERIA for the
issuance of KTT (wire transfer) to you. The transfer has been sourced as an
inheritance/probate (Next of Kin) with the value posted as US$15,000,000: 00
(Fifteen Million USD) only.

We wish to confirm that the funds are in the bank but in a special account
created for it. It is not possible to make a transfer from the special account
to your account - you need to open a new account in our bank for the purpose of
this transfer. When you have opened an account, we shall credit the account
with the value of your funds. It is after this that you can make withdrawals
from the account to your local bank account.

Please be informed that there are two basic steps (requirements), which you must
complete to open an account with the bank. These steps are:

1. Online registration - you will complete an account opening form where you
will indicate your personal particulars and the type of account you need.

2. Identification - you will send to us a copy of your driver's license or any
valid identification.

When these steps have been completed, the bank will allocate an account number
to you. It is into this account number that the funds will be transferred.

In Capital Trust Bank SA, we value friendship and trust. We place high premium
on personalized banking. To this extent, you have been assigned an Accounts
Manager who will personally attend to your needs henceforth. His particulars
are:

MR. MIKE KHEHLA
ACCOUNT OFFICER
EMAIL: [email protected]

Please contact Mr. Mike Khehla for further explanation and details about the
above steps. He will also give you the Referral Code necessary to open an
online account.

We are looking forward to banking for you.

Best wishes,

Ms Ann Allison
Customer Service Manager
Capital Trust Bank SA

They finally get their act together and RR responds...

Quote:

DEAR Hannah Lanham,

THANKS FOR YOUR URGENT REPLY, PLEASE ALL WE NEED FROM YOU IS TO CONTACT OUR AFFILIATED OFFICE IN Capital Trust Bank S.A (www.captbsa.com)
Contact email address is : csd@captbsa

WHERE YOU HAVE TO OPEN AN ACCOUNT AND YOU FUND $15 MILLION DOLLARS WILL BE PAID TO YOU. BASED ON YOUR REQUEST,WE THAT ARE HERE PERFORM DIFERENT DUTIES, WITH THIS EVERYBODY HAVE TO FACE HIS OR HER JOB
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU REACH ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU HAVE DONNE THAT TO ENABLE US UP DATE YOUR RECORD OVER HERE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

RICHARD ROBINSON.
ADMINISTRATION MANAGER.

I forward this to Ms. Ann above... at the captbsa.com address, and make with the complaining...

Quote:

So, do I open the account online somehow, or do I open it through you? Richard
Robinson wasn't exactly too clear on that. He says contact you, bu then he
says "open an account". How is this bank affiliated with Treasures Bank? And
what happened to the website? Why won't you people answer my questions?

Hannah Lanham

I get an auto-response. Then this lovely bit of kerfluffle.

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Re-deposit of funds with code "W205-02" ($15,000,000.00 USD).

Thank you very much for your message. We wish to confirm that your funds ref
above are in the bank but in a special account created for it by the Treasures
bank. It is not possible to make a transfer from the special account - you need
to open a new account in our bank for the purpose of this transfer. When you
have opened an account, we shall credit the account with the value of your
funds. It is after this that you can make withdrawals from the account to your
local bank account.

Please be informed that there are two basic steps (requirements), which you must
complete to open an account with the bank. These steps are:

1. Online registration - you will complete an account opening form where you
will indicate your personal particulars and the type of account you need.

2. Identification - you will send to us a copy of your driver's license or any
valid identification.

When these three steps have been completed, the bank will allocate an account
number to you. It is this account number that you can give to your friends,
business partners or any authority for them to make payments to you.

In Capital Trust Bank SA, we value friendship and trust. We place high premium
on personalized banking. To this extent, you have been assigned an Accounts
Manager who will personally attend to your needs henceforth. His particulars
are:

MR. MIKE KHEHLA
ACCOUNT OFFICER
EMAIL: [email protected]

Please contact Mr. Mike Khehla for further explanation and details about the
above steps. He will also give you the Referral Code necessary to open an
online account.

We are looking forward to banking for you.

Best wishes,

Ms Ann Allison
Customer Service Manager

Some gobbledygook and another "Contact the Mike of the week". Fair enough.

Posted: Fri Jun 03, 2005 3:32 am

Okay, so here is where my "gang" proves they are not the world's most organized group of criminals and don't always worry about believability It also becomes clear that they are indeed a "continuation" of my Wema Bank bait, and my "burn" has not fazed them.

Remember that email I sent to captbsa.com? To Ms. Ann? Complaining that Richard Robinson wasn't too clear? I get the following email. From RICHARD ROBINSON. The bank has supposedly forwarded him my complaint, and he replies like this sort of thing happens daily. Maybe it does.

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH,

THANKS FOR YOUR EARLY REPLY, MY SISTER THERE IS NO PROBLEM, THE ISSUE IS THAT YOUR AMOUNT ORIGINATED FROM WEMA BANK PLC, TO OUR BANK TREASURES BANK PLC, NOW DUE TO WE ARE UPGRADING OUR WEB SITE, THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WE DECIDED TO MOVE YOUR FUND $15 MILLION USD TO OUR CORRESPONDED BANK (Capital Trust Bank S.A (www.captbsa.com)
Contact email address is : csd@captbsa
PLEASE FELL FREE TO OPEN AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT WITH[ Capital Trust Bank S.A (www.captbsa.com) AND ALWAYS GET INTOUCH WITH US, IN ORDER TO ENABLE US UP DATE YOUR FILE AS THOSE THAT HAVE CLAIMED THEIR FUND.

I BELIEVED YOUR QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.

I WAIT YOUR URGENT RESPOND.

RICHARD ROBINSON

I love how he tells me to feel free to open an offshore account.

I start stalling a shade while while trying to find out if captbsa.com is being toasted as a fake bank site. If I remember correctly it ws sort of "under observation" by a group here.

I email Mike Khela of the bank, back.

Quote:

> Dear Sir,

I'm a "Madam", actually.

>
> Re-deposit of funds with code "W205-02" ($15,000,000.00 USD).

So, I use that as my referral code when I sign up?

>
> Thank you very much for your message. We wish to confirm that your funds
ref
> above are in the bank but in a special account created for it by the
Treasures
> bank. It is not possible to make a transfer from the special account - you
need
> to open a new account in our bank for the purpose of this transfer. When
you
> have opened an account, we shall credit the account with the value of your
> funds. It is after this that you can make withdrawals from the account to
your
> local bank account.
>
> Please be informed that there are two basic steps (requirements), which you
must
> complete to open an account with the bank. These steps are:
>
> 1. Online registration - you will complete an account opening form where
you
> will indicate your personal particulars and the type of account you need.
>
> 2. Identification - you will send to us a copy of your driver's license or
any
> valid identification.

And I supply this how? Mail? Email attachment? Fax?

>
> When these three steps have been completed, the bank will allocate an
account
> number to you. It is this account number that you can give to your friends,
> business partners or any authority for them to make payments to you.
>
> In Capital Trust Bank SA, we value friendship and trust. We place high
premium
> on personalized banking. To this extent, you have been assigned an Accounts
> Manager who will personally attend to your needs henceforth. His
particulars
> are:
>
> MR. MIKE KHEHLA
> ACCOUNT OFFICER
> EMAIL: [email protected]
>
> Please contact Mr. Mike Khehla for further explanation and details about
the
> above steps. He will also give you the Referral Code necessary to open an
> online account.

So that code earlier isn't my referral code?
I'm very confused.

Hannah

So... Mike of the Bank, start explaining! Make with the further explanation and details.

I also reply to Richard Robinson.

Quote:

------ Original Message ------
Received: Sat, 29 Jan 2005 07:43:20 AM EST
From: richard robinson <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: WE NEED YOUR URGENT REPLY

> DEAR HANNAH,
>
> THANKS FOR YOUR EARLY REPLY, MY SISTER THERE IS NO PROBLEM, THE ISSUE IS
THAT YOUR AMOUNT ORIGINATED FROM WEMA BANK PLC, TO OUR BANK TREASURES BANK
PLC, NOW DUE TO WE ARE UPGRADING OUR WEB SITE, THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WE
DECIDED TO MOVE YOUR FUND $15 MILLION USD TO OUR CORRESPONDED BANK
(Capital Trust Bank S.A (www.captbsa.com)
> Contact email address is : csd@captbsa

If you're upgrading, why does the page now say that the account was suspended
by billing?

>
> PLEASE FELL FREE TO OPEN AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT WITH[ Capital Trust Bank
S.A (www.captbsa.com) AND ALWAYS GET INTOUCH WITH US, IN ORDER TO ENABLE US
UP DATE YOUR FILE AS THOSE THAT HAVE CLAIMED THEIR FUND.
>
> I BELIEVED YOUR QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED.
>
> I WAIT YOUR URGENT RESPOND.
>
> RICHARD ROBINSON

I've got an email in to my account manager there at Capital Trust, asking for
assistance on the modalities of opening an account. He should be back to me
shortly with assistance.

Hannah

Mike of the Bank Khela does indeed make with the explaining.

Quote:

Dear Ma,

I write to acknowledge the receipt of your message. Please study the details of
the steps (instructions and guidelines) on how to open an online account with
us and proceed accordingly:

1. ONLINE BANKING APPLICATION:
You are expected to apply for an account of your choice. The application entails
the submission of your personal profile. Browse through our website
(http://captbsa.com) and click the Online-banking. Study carefully “the three
steps to your personal CAPTBSA Online banking” and enroll for the "ONLINE
ACCOUNT WITH CAPTBSA.COM".

You will be required to put your Referral Code. This is: rf328h7q7

Fill out an account opening form. Endeavour to fill out all available space and
submit.

Please note that in the course of your online registration, you will be required
to fill a USERNAME and PASSWORD. Care must be taken to ensure that the
username/password used is such that you can easily remember. You must also
ensure that it is kept secret.

2. PERSONAL IDENTIFICATION:
This is the second requirement where you will send a copy of your current
driver’s license or international passport by email (as attachment) to:
[email protected].

When all steps above have been completed, you will be given an account number as
well as the swift particulars of Capital Trust Bank SA. Also, your account will
be credited with the value of your funds. You will then be able to use your
preferred username/password to login to your account and make transactions.

Thank you,

Mr Mike Khehla
Accounts Officer

He, in fact, makes with the explaining twice, sending me an identical message again.

I love totally horrible excuses as to why lad bank sites are down. Music to my ears.

Quote:

DEAR,HANNAH LANHAM.
THIS IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF YOUR EMAIL.I DEEM IT NECESSARY TO REAFFIRM THE CONTENTS OF MY LAST EMAIL TO YOU.
OUR WEB SITE SUSPENDED WAS DUE TO THE FACT THAT,WE DID SOME EXCESS TRANSFER WHICH AMOUNTS A HUGE SUM OF FORIEGN EXCHANGE AS SUCH WE ARE HAVING A TEMPARY PROBLEM,THIS IS WHY WE DECIDE TO PAY YOU THEOUGH OUR AFFLIATED BANK,(Capital Trust Bank S.A (www.captbsa.com)
Contact email address is : csd@captbsa.
NOTE AS SOON AS YOU ARE THROUGH WITH THEM ALWAYS KEEP US INFORM IN ORDER TO UPGRADE YOUR RECORD WITH US.

THANKS .
I WAIT YOUR REPLY.
RICHARD ROBINSON

Uh. Huh. Okay. Yeah. Happens all the time.

Meanwhile, stall, stall, stall with Mike Khela. I outright lie about having trouble while I correspond with the group here to see if/why the site is off limits as far as getting it shut down.

Quote:

I've tried signing up for an account several times, with both Firefox and
Netscape. I keep getting an error. I'll try downloading and installing
Internet Explorer and see if that works. If your site is incompatible with
other browsers, you really should post that on the site.

My ID should be attached.

Hannah

I, of cours, attached absolutely nothing. Not a sausage.

For good measure, I also complain to Richard Robinson.

Quote:

Well, they gave me my referral code, but their website is kind of crap. It
doesn't work with Netscape or Firefox, you keep getting an error when you try
to sign up, so I'm going to try downloading Micro$oft Internet Explorer
tomorrow and try it with that instead.

Hannah

Nevermind the site plainly said IE only...

Mike Khela helpfull points that out. Plus ten points. Minus a hundred for reverting to getting my gender wrong...

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your message.

CAPTBSA.com Online is available to both Apple Macintosh� users and Microsoft
Windows� users. Please browse: http://captbsa.com/lowerlinks/techrequire.htm

Khehla

And little copyright marks and everything! I'm impressed!

I give a little, but I take a little. Dear Mike...

Quote:

I finally got it to work with that piece of crap Internet Explorer.

Why does your site mask the referral code, but not the password? That's an
extraordinary security risk!

Hannah

Mike, dammit, you're rapidly going into the negative with this reply.

Quote:

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your message. I am happy to note that you have registered online.

Apart from the referral code, your password as well as the username used in the
registration, we will alos give you a bank assigned username and password, as
well as a Personal transfer Code. These are extra security measures.

As a matter of security, we will need you to reconfirm the exact amount you are
expecting.

Khehla

Lessee, gender wrong. Expecing me to believe that you assign me yet another username and password (how conveeenient). And expecting me to swallow that I need to tell the bank what amount of money I expect to be transferred into my account. I guess that's so they know where to direct my phony login and what amount to show...

Posted: Mon Jun 06, 2005 9:58 pm

Mike "of the bank" Khela sends me my login info. Note my gender is still wrong...

Quote:

Dear Sir,

I have just been informed by the Accounts Department that your account has been
credited. Please accept my sincere congratulations.

*******To check your Statement of Account:

1. Login to our website and click ONLINE ACCOUNT ACCESS or SIGN IN. You will be
taken to the Secure Login Page.

2. In the Secure Login Page, put the bank's username and password as:
Username: 6014322604324 (This is your Account Number)
Password: sdkyh4sa

3. After the above, a security access box called ONLINE ACCOUNT ACCESS comes up
and you would be asked for another set of username and password. Here, you will
put your username and password, which you indicated when you registered for the
online account. These are: Username: hannah-lanham and Password: beans

*******To make a wire transfer, you will need another set of username and
password. These are: Username: cp57dh; Password: ja8js.

Due to the high volume of lodgment, you will need two special clearances before
any transfer would be made. The first is the internal clearance from us -
PERSONAL TRANSFER CODE (PTC) while the other is an external clearance -
INTERNATIONAL CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE NUMBER (ICCN).

Please contact our Wire Transfer Department on

Attn: Mr. Ishmael Lightbourne
Manager, Wire Transfer Department
Email: [email protected].
Phone: 0027 732 565057

Mr. Lightbourne will issue you the PTC. The International Clearance certificate
will be issued by the National Drug Agency. It is after this certificate that
the Wire Transfer Dept will now issue you the ICCN needed for a complete wire
transfer. Please contact the Wire Transfer Dept for details about the above.

Thank you,

Mr. M. Khehla
Accounts Officer

Why, that's not complicated at allllll!

For good measure, he even sent it twice.

Hannah has a good whinge at him.

Quote:

------ Original Message ------
Received: Thu, 03 Feb 2005 06:13:14 AM EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: WE NEED YOUR URGENT REPLY

> Dear Sir,

I am not a sir! It says so in my registration! You know, this service is kind
of ridiculous. You expect us to sign up online, but then you do everything by
email, with passwords and passcodes and more logins. It's starting to make my
head spin, all these additional codes.

Hannah

What? No "I'm sorry I keep f-ing up your gender?". No "Sorry our bank requires so many crappy logins sent by insecure email?" What a crock!

Quote:

Dear Madam,

Thank you for your message.

The essence of the various codes, passwords etc is to enhance online security.
Please bear with us.

Khehla

Impatient little bugger is Mike. Wonder why he's so anxious for me to transfer the money out of the account, hmmm?

Quote:

Dear Ma,

I need to know how far you have gone in respect to your claims. Your account has
been credited and I refered you to the Wire Transfer Department.

Khehla

None of your fecking business? He emails yet again.

Quote:

Dear Madam,

I wish to inform you that your account has since been credited. I have asked you
to contact our Wire Transfer Department so that you will process your
International clearance certificate.

Due to the high volume of lodgment, you will need two special clearances before
any transfer would be made. The first is the internal clearance from us -
PERSONAL TRANSFER CODE (PTC) while the other is an external clearance -
INTERNATIONAL CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE NUMBER (ICCN).

Please contact our Wire Transfer Department on

Attn: Mr. Ishmael Lightbourne
Manager, Wire Transfer Department
Email: [email protected].
Phone: 0027 732 565057

Mr. Lightbourne will issue you the PTC. The International Clearance certificate
will be issued by the National Drug Agency. It is after this certificate that
the Wire Transfer Dept will now issue you the ICCN needed for a complete wire
transfer. Please contact the Wire Transfer Dept for details about the above.

Thank you,

Mr. M. Khehla
Accounts Officer

Surprise, surprise, Festus Ibe contacts me. From another account.

Quote:

For the attention of, hannah Lanham,
Madam,
This is to inform you that my recent inquiry in the bank revealed that your $15m, have been credit on your account.please I have rendered all my legal services to you.I did it based on humanitary level,afterrall you stopped communication with me for some times now,
but it was incumbate on me to assisted you.God knows that I have done good to you.
You are required to pay $11050,due to me for the legal fee.I will advice you to send these monies via any fast means ,I suggest by western union money transfer to the nameS
of my
cashiers as below,

Names..........1,.CHRISTIAN CHIEDU JUWE[$4000}, 2,EKENE JUDE{$4000}, AND 3,DAVIDS DIKE{$3050}.

Address......LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Please pay it in different transaction.

Thanks for your patronage,

Festus Ibe.

I tell Mike I'm in no hurry to transfer my millions.

Quote:

And what if I don't want to transfer it right now? I'm content to let it rest
there for a while. I don't need to get it transferred right away.

Hannah

He replies quite quickly.

Quote:

Dear Madam,

Thank you for your message. You can decide to leave the funds here in South
Africa - we will appreciate that more. Or, you may wish to transfer the funds
out of South Africa to your local bank account over there.

However, whichever option you choose, you will still need to get the
international clearance on the funds.

Khehla

I bet he was dying to scream at me to transfer it. He sent this to me twice as well.

Richard Robinson, for some unaccountable reason, wants to update my records. (Wants to know when he can expect his cut, more likely.)

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH LANHAM,
WE HAVE BEEN INFORMED BY OUR AFFILIATED CAPITAL TRUST BANK THAT YOUR FUNDS HAVE BEEN PAID INTO YOUR ACCOUNT,IN VIEW OF THIS,WE URGE YOU TO FINISH ALL CLEARANCE WITH THEM AND SEND A CONFIRMATION EMAIL TO US SO THAT WE CAN UPDATE YOUR RECORDS OVER HERE.

THANKS,I WAIT YOUR RESPOND.
RICHARD ROBINSON.

So, I decide to put a bit of the fear of God into Richard, about me consulting my lawyer first...

Quote:

They said it was fine to leave it sitting for a while, until I get everything
ready for the transfer. I'm consulting an attorney about the best way to do
that.

Hannah

I do the same with Mike.

Quote:

I'm consulting an attorney on the best way to transfer the funds, and maybe
even a way around the clearance. He's an expert at international banking. He
knows loopholes that no one else does.

For now, the money can stay there.

Hannah

I also decide to have some fun with Festus.

Quote:

------ Original Message ------
Received: Tue, 08 Feb 2005 06:33:06 PM EST
From: festus 1be <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Subject: For the attention of,hannah Lanham,

> For the attention of, hannah Lanham,
> Madam,
> This is to inform you that my recent inquiry in the bank revealed that >your
$15m, have been credit on your account.

What bank? What account? Who are you really, you fradster?

>please I have rendered all my legal services to you.I did it based on
>humanitary level,afterrall you stopped communication with me for some times
now,

You're not the Barrister Festus Ibe I spoke with earlier. He had a different
email address. And his name didn't show up as Festus 1be, either.

> but it was incumbate on me to assisted you.God knows that I have done good
to you.
> You are required to pay $11050,due to me for the legal fee.I will advice you
to send these monies via any fast means ,I suggest by western union money
transfer to the nameS
> of my
> cashiers as below,
>
> Names..........1,.CHRISTIAN CHIEDU JUWE[$4000}, 2,EKENE JUDE{$4000}, AND
3,DAVIDS DIKE{$3050}.
>
> Address......LAGOS, NIGERIA.
>
> Please pay it in different transaction.
>
> Thanks for your patronage,
>
> Festus Ibe.
>

You're full of it if you think I'm going to send a payment to someone claiming
to be my barrister from a different account. You could be anyone claiming to
be Festus Ibe. Prove your identity or get lost.

Hannah

Ooh, teh irony! From Mike Khela...

Quote:

Dear madam,

Thank you for your message. I do hope that the attorney will not want to cut
corners or engage in any illegal activity just to get the certificate. Best of
luck.

Khehla

Yeah, we wouldn't want your lawyer doing anything illegal to keep us profiting from something even more illegal...

Awww... I've made Festus sad...

Quote:

For the attention of, hannah Lanham,
Madam,
I was sad when I received your respond to my email to you in which I required you to pay for my professional fee of $11050,
I expected you to at least acknowledge all the services I redered to procured the documents on your behalf and ensured that there were submitted to the bank,before $15m,were credited in your favour.
Please madam,I crave your indulgence to pay this fee due to me.
I will advice you to send these monies via any fast means ,I suggest by western union money transfer to the nameS
of my
cashiers as below,

Names..........1,.CHRISTIAN CHIEDU JUWE[$4000}, 2,EKENE JUDE{$4000}, AND 3,DAVIDS DIKE{$3050}.

Address......LAGOS, NIGERIA.

Please pay it in different transaction.
We are willing to render further services to you,in case you have other briefs in Nigeria.
Thanks for your patronage,

Festus Ibe.
N/B,
The attached are my identity card and international passport for identification.

Persistent, ain't he?

He sends me this lovely id and passport again, only this time, as separate files.

Why noooo... my ID from my own "law firm" isn' t suspect at all, lady...

I take this opportunity to let Mike have it for insulting my lawyer.

Quote:

> Dear madam,
>
> Thank you for your message. I do hope that the attorney will not want to
cut
> corners or engage in any illegal activity just to get the certificate. Best
of
> luck.
>
> Khehla

How dare you insinuate such a thing! He's my boyfriend's father, thank you,
and he's a close personal friend. He also specializes in international law and
particularly, finance. How dare you even hint that he would do sloppy work or
break the law! Maybe I should have him talk to some of his friends about YOU
and see if you cut corners or break the law. Takes a rat to know one, they
say.

Hannah

I further torture Festus and make a "what the heck" bid for a possible trophy pic.

Quote:

> For the attention of, hannah Lanham,
> Madam,
> I was sad when I received your respond to my email to you in which I
>required you to pay for my professional fee of $11050,

Professional fee for what? You still haven't proven you've done any work for
me.

> I expected you to at least acknowledge all the services I redered to
>procured the documents on your behalf and ensured that there were >submitted
to the bank,before $15m,were credited in your favour.

I notice you didn't provide copies of these documents, or the name of the
bank.

> Please madam,I crave your indulgence to pay this fee due to me.
> I will advice you to send these monies via any fast means ,I suggest by
western union money transfer to the nameS
> of my
> cashiers as below,
>
> Names..........1,.CHRISTIAN CHIEDU JUWE[$4000}, 2,EKENE JUDE{$4000}, AND
3,DAVIDS DIKE{$3050}.
>
> Address......LAGOS, NIGERIA.
>
> Please pay it in different transaction.

No legitimate lawyer wants his fees paid to some other name. What is that?
Your real name? Your aliases? Why are you trying to dodge money laundering
laws by having the transfers broken into three?

> We are willing to render further services to you,in case you have other
briefs in Nigeria.
> Thanks for your patronage,
>
> Festus Ibe.
> N/B,
> The attached are my identity card and international passport for
identification.
>

All that proves is that you've stolen the real Barrister's identification.
What did you do, you fake? Rob him? Mug him? Murder him? Just because you have
the ID he sent me doesn't mean you are him. I won't believe you're the real
Barrister Festus Ibe until I see some real, solid proof. For instance, a photo
of you in a special pose or with a hidden message, so I know you're not faking
it. Otherwise, forget about trying to get the real Barrister Ibe's fees.

Hannah

Richard makes a vain attempt to get me to hustle.

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH LANHAM,

I HAVE THE PLEASURE TO ADVISE YOU TO HASTEN UP EVERY THING YOU ARE DOING TO FACILITATE THE SMOOTH TRANSFER OF YOUR FUNDS.

I AM WAITING FOR YOUR URGENT ATTENTION. PLEASE COMPLY WITH THE CAPITAL TRUST BANK.

BE IN TUNE.

RICHARD ROBINSON.

Mike tries to reprimand me, and he tries to make it sound like he wasn't insulting my lawyer. Hah!

Quote:

Dear Madam,

Your choice of languauge is to say the least very unprofessional. I did not in
any way suggest that your attorney is a criminal or something like that - I was
just informing you to be careful so that you or him do not circumvent the law in
the process of getting the certificate.

Khehla

Richard tries to spook me by mentioning the "T" word... taxes!

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH LANHAM,
HAVING GONE THROUGH THE UPDATE OF THE FORIEGN EXCHANGE ACCOUNT,FROM OUR AFFILIATED CAPITAL TRUST BANK,SOUTH AFRICA YESTERDAY.
IT WAS FOUND OUT,THEREFORE THEY WANT YOU TO PRESENT THE INTERNATIONAL CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE.THIS CERTIFICATE MEANS THAT YOUR $15m DOLLAR WAS NOT DRUG TRAFFICKING PROCEEDS.OTHERWISE,THE GOVERNMENT OF YOUR COUNTRY WILL IMPOSE A HUGE TAX ON IT OR CONFISCATE IT.
YOU CAN OBTAIN THIS CERTIFICATE AT NATIONAL DRUG LAW ENFORCEMENT AGENCY,HERE IN NIGERIA.IF YOU WANT OUR BANK TO ASSIST YOU,LET ME KNOW AND I WILL SPEAK WITH MY BANK LEGAL DEPARTMENT, THAT TAKES CARE OF IT,AND THEY WILL ASSIST YOU TO GET IT.
BEST REGARDS,
RICHARD ROBINSON.

Oy, the all-capsness.

I tell Richard it's all under control.

Quote:

My personal attorney has already obtained and filed the ceritificate with the
proper authorities.

Hannah

I make a "my bluff's bigger than your bluff" bid with Mike.

Quote:

My attorney has obtained and filed all the necessary documents with the proper
authorities. You may contact them to confirm that the documents are on file.

Hannah

Mike tries to bluff back.

Quote:

Dear Madam,

Thank you for your message. I do not need to contact the drug agency for
confirmation of the filing of the necessary documents. If you have filed the
papers, they will issue you an International Clearance certificate as well as
the code with which to commence your transfer.

All you need is to send to us a copy of the certificate issued to you by the
drug agency. From the certificate, you will get a code (ICCN) with which to
commence your online transfer.

Khehla

Again, he sends the damned message twice. I'm beginning to think he must stutter, too.

Heyyyyy! I hear from my old buddy Mike Morka!

Quote:

Hannah,
I must start to say happy new year to you.I am very glad to hear form some auditors,who came from our corresponded treasuresbank plc with the reports of the foriegn exchange account update form capital trust bank,south africa. that our $15m,have been transfer into your account.

Hannah,of a truth,I am very anxious to hear form you again.Please tell me if you have started withdrawing our money alone without imnforming me.remenber I introduced this transaction to you on the first instance,and now that we are at the very end of it you do not want to let me know what is going on.
I am waiting for a feedback from you.
Thank you.
Mike.

Dang it Mike, how long's it been? A month? Four months? You old bugger, you haven't changed at all...

I bluff back even harder with Mike Number Two, Khela.

Quote:

Dear Madam,
>
> Thank you for your message. I do not need to contact the drug agency for
> confirmation of the filing of the necessary documents. If you have filed
the
> papers, they will issue you an International Clearance certificate as well
as
> the code with which to commence your transfer.
>
> All you need is to send to us a copy of the certificate issued to you by
the
> drug agency. From the certificate, you will get a code (ICCN) with which to
> commence your online transfer.
>
> Khehla
>

Yes you do. Don't you know that at the beginning of the calendar year, the
agency stopped issuing paper copies that can be scanned? Seems they did it to
thwart scammers and forgeries. The ICCN is on file with the agency, and the
financial institution in question has to initiate the inquiry. They accept
phone calls and faxed inquiries about ICCNs. Didn't you get the memo? They
told my attorney that all legitimate financial institutions were notified of
the change last November, and again in January.

Hannah

I play semantics with Mike Number One, Mike Morka.

Quote:

> Hannah,
> I must start to say happy new year to you.I am very glad to hear form some
auditors,who came from our corresponded treasuresbank plc with the reports of
the foriegn exchange account update form capital trust bank,south africa. that
our $15m,have been transfer into your account.

Excuse me? I don't have any money in any Treasures Bank PLC.

>
> Hannah,of a truth,I am very anxious to hear form you again.Please tell me
if you have started withdrawing our money alone without imnforming me.remenber
I introduced this transaction to you on the first instance,and now that we are
at the very end of it you do not want to let me know what is going on.
> I am waiting for a feedback from you.
> Thank you.
> Mike.

Read my lips. There is no account with Treasures Bank.

Hannah

Khela develops a missing M, and ups the bluff ante by giving me a "contact" who is supposedly the NDA.

Quote:

Dear
adam,

Your attorney is either not telling you the truth or two of you are
insane. I warned you but you would not listen. Just two days ago, we
received a copy of a international clearance certificate issued by the
same agency and I can give you a copy if you want one.

Or better still, contact the drug agency directly on their email:

National Drug Agency
P.O. Box 0001, Pretoria
South Africa Email: [email protected]
Phone: +27 732565057
Attn: Mr. Lucas Radebe (Director).

Khehla

I call BS.

Richard is probably seeing dollar signs, thinking I'm about to pay Ibe. He stays in touch for good measure.

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH,
THANKS FOR YOUR INFORMATION, PLEASE IF YOUR ATTORNEY HAS SECURED THE CERTIFICATE FOR YOU, KINDLY FORWARD IT TO THIS OFFICE , IMMEDIATELY INORDER TO UP DATE YOUR ACCOUNT.

THANKS
REGARDS,
RICHARD ROBINSON

I call Khela's bluff. Unfortunately, I mistakenly say Nigerian embassy instead of South African. Meh. It's not like I care, by then.

Quote:

------ Original Message ------
Received: Wed, 16 Feb 2005 03:57:29 AM EST
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: WE NEED YOUR URGENT REPLY

> Dear
> adam,
>
> Your attorney is either not telling you the truth or two of you are
> insane. I warned you but you would not listen. Just two days ago, we
> received a copy of a international clearance certificate issued by the
> same agency and I can give you a copy if you want one.

Prove it.

>
> Or better still, contact the drug agency directly on their email:
>
> National Drug Agency
> P.O. Box 0001, Pretoria
> South Africa Email: [email protected]
> Phone: +27 732565057
> Attn: Mr. Lucas Radebe (Director).
>
> Khehla
>
>

I'll believe it when I see it. I'm calling the Nigerian Embassy tomorrow and
verifying the contact information you just gave me. And if you are mistaken or
lying, I will have your pathetic, microscopic testicles pickled and put in a
mason jar on my desk for daring to insult myself and my attorney that way.

Hannah

I also burst Richard's happy bubble.

Quote:

Look, like I already told that guy at captbsa.com, Mike Khehla or whatever his
name is, the agency doesn't issue paper copies any more, starting at the
beginning of this calendar year. They did that to keep people from forging the
things. They keep the number on file and wil provide it upon request when
contacted by a financial institution. They said they sent a memo to every
legitimate financial institution about the change months ago, an again in
January. The change took place on January 1.

Now, Mike tried to give me some completely lame sounding excuse that they got
a paper form the other day, but I'll believe it when I see it. He was also
rude and insulting about my attorney to boot. I'm calling the Nigerian Embassy
to confirm the contact information he provided for the National Drug Agency.
If he's lying, I will be reporting him to the authorities.

Provided you're legitimate, and that you're competent enough to contact the
NDA, unlike Mike, you can confirm the certificate's filing. If not, I'll have
to assume you are a fraud as well, and I will be forced to report you to the
authorities as well.

Hannah

Khela twigs because of my mistake or gets tired of me. Whatever.

Quote:

Dear Madam,

Good luck to you.

Khehla

Peeved I made a mistake, I make a bid to reel Khela back in. Or at least give him a satisfying slap for picking "details" that I could easily pick apart with Google and other web tools. I also, for good measure, copy this to "Lucas's" email address, so his fellow lad can get a laugh, too, if there's yet another lad involved. I also do the required mocking of Khela's sexuality.

Quote:

>
> Or better still, contact the drug agency directly on their email:
>
> National Drug Agency
> P.O. Box 0001, Pretoria
> South Africa Email: [email protected]
> Phone: +27 732565057
> Attn: Mr. Lucas Radebe (Director).
>
> Khehla
>

As promised, I called the embassy. I have a friend that's lived and worked
there for a few years, and he's familiar with a lot of good people in Africa.
He did some checking up on you. You aren't one of those "good people". Not by
a long shot.

You're completely full of shit. You're so full of shit, even the whites of
your eyes are brown. That mobile number doesn't belong to the National Drug
Agency, or Mr. Lucas Radebe. That's the postal address for a fucking pizza
joint. The name belongs to a damned South African soccer player. Why did you
choose that name? You got a crush on him? Do you get all hot and wet, thinking
about sexy "Lucas" letting you suck his cock or something? Or do you want to
bend over for him and take it up the arse? Hey, Lucas, I think Khehla's got
the hots for you! Maybe you could let him suck you off, assuming he can find
your cock, either. And assuming you didn't just go and create that bogus email
yourself, Khehla.

You're the one who is either incompetent or insane. Or a fucking fraud. Go
back to sucking goat dicks or whatever it is you were doing. I'm conotacting
the authorities about you.

Hannah Lanham

Richard's a bit desperate. And perhaps a bit more thick. He even offers to arrange for a fake check or money orders! Isn't that nice of him?

Quote:

HANNAH, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? I AM JUST TRY TOMAKESURE YOU RECEIVED THIS MONEY? IF YOU DO NOT HAVE MONEY TO SPEND OR THIS TRANSACTION INFORM ME SO THAT I LOOK FOR FINANCIERS FOR YOU.

THANKS

Fair enough. I nibble back, and move on to yet ANOTHER stage of this bait.

Quote:

> HANNAH, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? I AM JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE YOU RECEIVED
THIS MONEY? IF YOU DO NOT HAVE MONEY TO SPEND OR THIS TRANSACTION INFORM ME
SO THAT I LOOK FOR FINANCIERS FOR YOU.
>
> THANKS

I checked on Mike Khehla. He's proven to be a fraud. The money was never
transferred to the www.captbsa.com bank account. This man being a fraud
explains why you never seemed to know what he was doing or what he was up to,
and why you kept asking if I had the money, yet, I suppose.

Is the Treasures Bank website back up so we can complete the transaction?
And what do you mean financiers for me?

Hannah

Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 7:54 pm

> Dear
> We refer your mail in comfirmatoin of the requst of Mr.Richard Robinson, for
a loan of five thousand dollars.
> This we oblige to finance provided you will follow our led down procedure.
> 1. The loan will be a short term loan
> 2. It will attract 100% intrest
> 3.That the cost of postage will be borne by you at the cost of $150.
> You are therefore required to forward your home address for the save
delivery of the loan upon the receipt of the paid fees for the postage which
you should pay through western union money transfer in favour of our cash
officer in the person of NAME:NMOMA STEPHEN CHUCKS

I'm going to be away from home on a consulting job for a few weeks, and I
would only be able to receive the check at this address.

**PO Box Removed**

However, I cannot afford to pay for the postage right now. Of course I want to
reimburse you for the postage you incur, but I cannot afford to pay $150 right
now. Would it be possible to make it part of the loan? Then I would owe you
$10,300 upon completion of the transfer.

Hannah Lanham

Posted: Thu Jun 09, 2005 6:39 pm

Richard Robinson tries to give me guff about using a PO Box. Wonder if baiters getting them to send checks/MOs to safe addresses has started to register as a pattern with them?

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH,
PLEASE INFORM ME HOW FAR YOU HAVE GONE HAVE SEND THEM YOUR HOME ADDRESS AND NOT P.O.BOX, BEAR IN MIND THAT THEY DO NOT USE P.O.BOX FOR POSAGE PLEASE TRY AND DISTURB THEM SO THAT YOU RECEIVED THE CHECK BEFORE ANY OTHER THING.

THANKS FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THERE IS NO FEES FROM YOU ALWAYS UP DATE ME, YOU ARE NOT SPENDING A CENT OF YOUR MONEY THIS TIME AROUND.PLEASE AS SOON AS THEY REACH YOU MAKE SURE YOU REACHED ME.

THANKS I WAIT YOUR REPLY.

REGARDS.
RICHARD ROBINSON

I reply thusly, because the fellow board member who volunteered the safe PO Box also provided the local Secret Service Field Office address, in case the lad wouldn't take the PO Box.

Quote:

> DEAR HANNAH,
> PLEASE INFORM ME HOW FAR YOU HAVE GONE HAVE SEND THEM YOUR HOME ADDRESS AND
NOT P.O.BOX, BEAR IN MIND THAT THEY DO NOT USE P.O.BOX FOR POSAGE PLEASE TRY
AND DISTURB THEM SO THAT YOU RECEIVED THE CHECK BEFORE ANY OTHER THING.
>
> THANKS FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THERE IS NO FEES FROM YOU ALWAYS UP DATE ME,
YOU ARE NOT SPENDING A CENT OF YOUR MONEY THIS TIME AROUND.PLEASE AS SOON AS
THEY REACH YOU MAKE SURE YOU REACHED ME.
>
> THANKS I WAIT YOUR REPLY.
>
>
> REGARDS.
> RICHARD ROBINSON

I can have them send it to a friend of mine in an office building instead, but
you're mistaken about the not spending a cent. The financier wants me to send
him the money for the postage, which I can't afford right now. I asked if he
would let me pay that back as part of the loan instead. I haven't heard from
him since.

Hannah

Richard Robinson is so desperate for a hint of a payoff, he says no prob!

Quote:

Dear Hannah,
Thanks for your iformation, since you do not have money for the postage there is no problem, my sister just send the financier, your mailing address where you think is safe for you to received the check or mony oder state the amount you want.i repeat not p.o.box i know that that is not exceptable.

Please always inform me by writing me alway so that i will always guard you so that you do not make mistake.

i wait your early reply.
Richard Robinson

I send this to both Richard and Mamman.

Quote:

Well, the P.O. Box is private and secure. I made sure of that. And I'm the
only one that can get the mail in it. But if you absolutely can't send the
money to a P.O. Box, I can arrange to pick it up at a friend's office. But all
kinds of people see the mail there. I'll try to make sure she gets to it first
and sets it aside for me. Make absolutely sure you put my name on it if you
send it to the following address, though, or anyone could open it!

You can send it to Hannah Lanham ***SS Field Office Address Removed***

Hannah

I get this, um, thing... from Mamman.

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH,
,

WE WRITE TO ACKOWNLODGE RECIEPT OF YOUR MAIL AS REGARD TO REQUEST FOR
A LOAN FROM OUR FIRM.AND IT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE BRING TO YOUR
NOTICE THAT WE ARE WILLING AND READY TO ASSIST THROUGH OUR
INVESTORS IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA TO GRANT YOU THE LOAN.
NOTE THAT BECAUSE OF THE URGENCY AND THE SHORT PERIOD THAT YOU
ARE TO REPAY BACK THE LOAN TO OUR INVESTORS,IT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE
INFORM YOU THAT WE CAN ONLY SPEED UP THE PROCESS AND THE BEST
POSSIBLE WAY THAT WE CAN GET THE FUNDS ACROSS TO YOU IS ONLY
THROUGH MONEY ORDER WHICH IS GOOD AS CASH.
ALL YOU NEED TO DO AS SOON AS WE MAIL THE MONEY ORDER TO YOU IS
TO PROCEED WITH IT TO YOUR BANK AND CASH IT IMMEIDATELY TO ENABLE
YOU MAKE USE OF THE FUNDS ON TIME SO AS TO MEET UP WITH THE
DEADLINE THAT WILL BE GIVEN FOR THE REPAYMENT OF THE LOAN,

WE HAVE ALREADY CONTACTED OUR FINANCIERS IN AMERICA.THEY SAID THEY
WILL RAISE AMERICA MONEY ORDER IN YOUR FAVOUR. IN ARRANGING FOR
THIS LOAN WE WILL WANT YOU TO FORWARD THE FOLLOWING DETAILS TO
ENABLE US HAVE YOUR INFORMATION THAT WILL BE USED TO ARRANGE FOR
THE AMERICA MONEY ORDER.

BENEFICIARY NAME_______________________________

YOUR MAILING ADDRESS__________________________

YOUR TEL: ____________________________________________

FAX: ____________________________________________

NAME OF BANK: ___________________________________

ADDRESS OF BANK: __________________________________

THE DURATION OF THIS LOAN WILL BE TWO WEEKS,THEY HAVE AGREED TO
RAISE THIS LOAN BECAUSE OF THE 10% INTEREST THEY STAND TO GAIN AT
THE END OF YOUR TRANSACTION WITH YOUR PARTNERS.

WE NEED THIS INFORMATIONS IMMEDIATLY SO THAT,THE MONEY ORDER CAN BE
WRITTEN IMMEDIATLY IN YOUR NAME.ONCE WE RECIEVE IT FROM OUR
FINANCIERS WE WILL IN TURN MAIL TO YOU.

REGARDS,
MAMMAN SADIQ

Quickest loan application ever.

Richard replies. (If only he knew...)

Quote:

THE P.O .BOX IS NOT ACCEPTABLE, BUT THE ADDRESS YOU GAVE WILL BE O.K
PLEASE SEND IT TO THE( financier
mammansadiq) THANKS AND MAKE SURE YOU REACH ME ALWAYS.

THANKS, I WAIT YOUR REPLY.

RICHARD ROBINSON

I can't resist a small dig.

Quote:

I did send it to him. I copied him on the same email I sent you.

Hannah

Most lads don't seem to "get" CC and BCC.

I also get rather snippy with Mamman. I hate it when they follow the script to the detriment of believability.... Wink

Quote:

Why are you asking for all this information a second time, when I gave you
most of it in my last email?

My name is Hannah Lanham. Send me the money order. I am the beneficiary. I
gave you the mailing address you need to use. It's ***Secret Service Field Office Address Removed*** . I won't have access to a fax while in Alabama. And
you don't need any banking information from me to send me a money order. My
mobile number is 206-666-3170.

Hannah

Mamman replies.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,
We hereby acknowlage the reciept of your request and accept to finance you. Mainwhile your should call our manager on telephone nunber, 234 8034191604

However,we are still processing the funding arrangement for financing the transaction as you earlier demended and soon as we are through, you will be duely informed.
Mamman Sadiq

Nah. Not phoning.

Richard is getting awfully worried about the delay.

Quote:

PLEASE ALWAYS WORRY THEM WHAT IS DELAYING THEM , NOW TRY AND SEND THEM MESSAGE OF REMINDER, LET US FINISH THIS TRANSACTION ONCES AND FOR ALL.
RICHARD

I give him a somewhat cryptic update.

Quote:

He emailed back. They're taking care of it.

Hannah

I lie about not being able to get through on the phone to Mamman. Well, okay, I couldn't, but only because I didn't try.

Quote:

Tried calling just a bit ago, and the line was busy. I was trying to call at a
decent hour for you, but it's late here and I need to go to bed right now. You
can just give me the information in email, that's fine with me.

Hannah

Mamman tells me "the MOs are in the mail" and I'm sure they're already counting their money.

Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 5:00 am

So, where I left off, before I had to go away for a conference for a week and get buried under a pile of non-baiting email...

I throw my buddy Mamman a bone and let him know I've received the mail, I'm on the lookout for the money orders he sent. He's probably salivating.

Quote:

Got your email, I'll be on the lookout for the money orders to arrive next
week.

Hannah

He is, of course, eager to let me know what to do when I get them

Quote:

Dear Hannah-lanham,

Please note that I will like you to do as instructed as soon as this money gets to you.Incase they ask you in your bank the senders name ,note that it is the name on it and he is in America ok and not Nigeria ,this is very important .

Thank You.

My... someone seems all nervous about the bank finding out the sender is in Nigeria. Wonder why? Wink

I never do find out for sure if they arrived at the Secret Service office, so I play a bit dumb after a suitably long wait. I email Mamman after several days.

Quote:

It hasn't arrived yet. Should it have arrived by now? Is there any way you
can
track it, like a tracking number?

I'm really worried it may have gotten lost.

Hannah

Mamman is very positive that it will arrive.

Quote:

Dear Hannah-lanham,

hank you for your mail.From my calculation the money order will arrive to you by this week ending.I sent it as a registered mail and it does not have tracking numbers but it will arrive.

Thank you

In fact, he tells me this twice, to be safe. And we all know lad math is totally accurate.

Richard Robinson is getting a bit antsy. Must have bills due.

Quote:

MY DEAR HANNAH,

HOW FAR? I HOPE THAT BY NOW YOU HAVE RECEIVED THE MONEY ORDER, PLEASE IF YES BRIEF ME NOW.
THANKS I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY.
YOURS PARTNER.
RICHARD ROBINSON

Mamman, again, is so certain it's arrived, he sends me more detailed instructions.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,
Thanks for your mail. I expect that by now you must should have received the parcel (money order) enclosed in a greeting card.Please follow my instruction religously.
(1) You should tender them to your bank and the cash equivilant should be given to you.
(2) You should because the wider role solicited from Richard Robinson, forward same through
Western union money transfer to us in favour: CHRISTIAN OKPARA, LAGOS NIGERIA
and forward the control number/evidence of payment, as soon as you collect the money.
(3) The payment should be two instalment.And the payment must be made from a western union centre.
Please note that in the loan given to you, we considered how was required and the expenses you may have to incure in the process, this why we gave $5700.00. Having done so we assumed that you will have no problem as per the commission and any other expenses that may arise.
Looking forward to receiving the control number.
Compliments,
Mamman Sadiq

I still have no idea how you solicit a wider role... Did he do auditions to play the lawyer?

Or how to pay in two "instalments"

Yeah, I bet he is looking forward to receiving the control number. Does he not realize that the financier being so eager to get the control number for paying the banker looks a little, teeny, wee bit suspicious? Guess not.

Richard Robinson also chimes in. It's "surposed" to have arrived by now. But it hasn't, so I can't "remitte".

Quote:

MY DEAR HANNAH,

I HAVE JUST RECEIVED INFORMATION FROM THE FINANCIER, THAT THE MONEY ORDER HAS BEEN SEND AND BY NOW IT SURPOSED TO HAVE REACHED YOU.

ACCORDING TO HIM, YOU DEPOSIT THE MONEY ORDER IN YOUR BANK AND COLLECT THE CASH EQUEVILENT ON THE SPOT AND REMITTE SAME TO . CHRISTIAN OKPARA .
PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT IF YOU ARE ASK WHERE THIS MONEY ORDER IS FROM, NEVER YOU MENTION NIGERIA, THE NAME OF THE SENDER IS IN THE MONEY ORDER.
THE ISSUE OF THE AMOUNT INVOLVED WAS WELL TAKEN CARE OF HENCE THEY APPROVED $5700 TO TAKE CARE OF ANY CHARGES IN THE CAUSE OF THE TRANSFER.

THANKS, I WAIT YOUR REPLY, AS SOON AS YOU MAKE THIS PAYMENT MAKE SURE YOU SEND ME THE INFORMATION.

YOURS PARTNER,

RICHARD ROBINSON

Man, eager beaver, aren't they? And still very adamant about not mentioning Nigeria. It's starting to sound like "Don't mention the war!" from Fawlty Towers!

I get these same emails from both lads multiple times.

I get a bit sick of it and decide to complain to Mamman, and complain about his refusal to use the PO Box.

Quote:

But I haven't received anything yet! Either it hasn't arrived, it's gotten
lost somewhere in the mail, or it's gotten misplaced in the office building.
I've asked them to look for it and see if they can find it, but they may have
lost it because I don't work there. I asked my friend to keep an eye out for
it, but that's no guarantee. Or someone might have stolen it, for all I know.
I tried to get you to send it directly to me at the PO Box instead, but you
wouldn't listen. I told you sending it to my friend's office wasn't a good
idea. Anyone could have gotten hold of it, and I would never know. The only
one who can get into the PO box is me.

Hannah

Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 4:55 am

For good measure, I reply a few times, really. I figure if they can, I can too.

Why, Richard, why so worried about me mentioning Nigeria?

Quote:

I told you already, I haven't received anything. And why don't you want me to
mention Nigeria?

Hannah

And Mamman, I might ask the same of you... I won't just yet, but I might...

Quote:

I already updated you. No, I haven't received it. I haven't received
anything.

Hannah

Richard thinks I'm not being serious. I'm hurt. Hurt, I tell you. I'm serious as a heart attack about making him miserable.

Quote:

HANNAH, PLEASE BE SERIOUS, BASED ON CALCULATION, YOU HAVE HAVE TO RECEIVED IT SINCE TWO DAYS AGO, AND THE MAIL IS REGISTERED, THAT MEANS IT HAS TO BE RETURN BACK TO US AND WE HAVE GONE TO POST OFFICE AND THEY CONFIRM THAT IT HAS BEEN SEND, SO BE SINCER, BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT US TO FACE ANY PROBLEM.

SECONDLY YOU NEED NOT TO MENTION NIGERIA BECAUSE THE MONEY ORDER ITSELF IS FROM AMERICA AND I DO NOT WANT ANY CONFUSION, AND IF YOU SUCCEED AND REMITTE BACK THE AMOUNT BACK HERE AND TAKE AWAY YOUR COMMISSION , THIS WE CAN RAISE ANOTHER BIGER AMOUNT FOR YOU.BUSINESS IS SINCERELITY.
I AWAIT YOUR REPLY TO CONFIRM THE SITUATION.

REGARDS

YOURS
RICHARD ROBINSON

Um... yeah. That's logical. And stuff. I'll try to be "sincer". I've got to work on my sincerelity and all...

Richard then follows up with yet another email, assuring me that registered mail has to arrive and couldn't be lost or stolen. Yeah. Right. I mean, he does know he's supposedly sending it to an office building full of strangers... yet, he's positive I'm going to get it. Even though I don't even work there.

Quote:

HANNAH,

IT CAN NEVER, NEVER , GET LOST OR STOLEN.

YOUR OWN WILL NOT BE DIFFERENT, THE FINANCIER CONFIRMED THAT THEY HAVE SEND IT YOU.

NO ONE CAN CASH THE MONEY ORDER EXPECT YOU, BECAUSE IT IS WRITTEN IN YOUR NAME NOT IN ANOTHER PERSON NAME NITHER ON YOUR FRIEND NAME, SO GO AND CASH AND SEND WHAT BELONG TO US THAN HERE, TO AVOID PROBLEM.

MANY CONTRACTORS LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN HELPED THROUGH THIS WAY AND THERE IS NO PROBLEM OR STORY.

TRY AND UNDERSTAND.

RICHARD ROBINSON

*snort* No problem or story. Riiiiiiiight. And I'm sure many contractors like me have been helped this way. Right into legal trouble or bankruptcy...

Oh, and Richard not only sent me that twice, but the second time, he pasted the entire message into the body twice, for extra good measure. *facepalm*

I decide to remind Richard of a few helpful little facts. Like where they agreed to mail the MOs. And I do it in extremely nasty fashion.

Quote:

> HANNAH, PLEASE BE SERIOUS, BASED ON CALCULATION, YOU HAVE HAVE TO RECEIVED
IT SINCE TWO DAYS AGO, AND THE MAIL IS REGISTERED, THAT MEANS IT HAS TO BE
RETURN BACK TO US AND WE HAVE GONE TO POST OFFICE AND THEY CONFIRM THAT IT HAS
BEEN SEND, SO BE SINCER, BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT US TO FACE ANY PROBLEM.
>

I don't give a damn what your fucking calculation shows, because I don't have
it. It may have arrived at the office building, but dozens of people work with
the mail there, and I'm not an employee there. Anyone could have picked the
damned thing up, stolen it, or thrown it in the garbage. I tried telling your
financier friend it was a better idea to send it to the SECURE post office box
that only I have access to, but did he listen? No. He said the PO Box was
"unacceptable". So I provided him with the other address, but I cautioned him
that the envelope could go through no telling how many people and never make
it to me.

Well, dammit, I don't have the fucking money orders, so I guess my friend's
office was pretty unacceptable, wasn't it? She kept an eye out for it for me.
She says it's never been across her desk, and she's going down tomorrow to
talk to the mail room workers. They already told her that the delivery people
drop off all kinds of registered shit there without getting a signature, like
they're supposed to. They just mark it off on the handheld computer like it
was signed for and dump it.

What the hell more do you think she can do? Send out a freaking office-wide
memo that says "Hey, if any of you happen to run across several thousand in
postal money orders, that belongs to my friend who doesn't work here. The
stupid financier thought it was a better idea to send them here than to her
FRIGGING PERSONAL, SECURE PO BOX! Please drop it by my desk so she can go
collect her money from Nigeria... oops, I mean America."?

> SECONDLY YOU NEED NOT TO MENTION NIGERIA BECAUSE THE MONEY ORDER ITSELF IS
FROM AMERICA AND I DO NOT WANT ANY CONFUSION, AND IF YOU SUCCEED AND REMITTE
BACK THE AMOUNT BACK HERE AND TAKE AWAY YOUR COMMISSION , THIS WE CAN RAISE
ANOTHER BIGER AMOUNT FOR YOU.BUSINESS IS SINCERELITY.
> I AWAIT YOUR REPLY TO CONFIRM THE SITUATION.
>
> REGARDS
>
> YOURS
> RICHARD ROBINSON
>

Why are you so damned worried about anyone finding out there's a Nigerian
connection? They don't ask where the money came from as long as the money
orders are good. If they find them tomorrow, I'm going to mention Nigeria a
dozen times while I cash them, just to see what happens. There's something
really fishy about the way you just randomly tell me I don't need to mention
Nigeria. What are you trying to hide?

Hannah

Childish, yes, but that was the point. In fact, it was so much fun, I do the same thing with his other message.

Quote:

> HANNAH,
>
> IT CAN NEVER, NEVER , GET LOST OR STOLEN.

Shows what you fucking know. So, the registered mail tracks it even after it's
been delivered to the address, probably to Jim Bob in the mailroom, who is
probably some disinterested college student barely making minimum wage?

>
> YOUR OWN WILL NOT BE DIFFERENT, THE FINANCIER CONFIRMED THAT THEY HAVE SEND
IT YOU.
>
> NO ONE CAN CASH THE MONEY ORDER EXPECT YOU, BECAUSE IT IS WRITTEN IN YOUR
NAME NOT IN ANOTHER PERSON NAME NITHER ON YOUR FRIEND NAME, SO GO AND CASH AND
SEND WHAT BELONG TO US THAN HERE, TO AVOID PROBLEM.
>
> MANY CONTRACTORS LIKE YOU HAVE BEEN HELPED THROUGH THIS WAY AND THERE IS NO
PROBLEM OR STORY.
>
> TRY AND UNDERSTAND.

Damn it, you try and fucking understand something! Your idiot financier
insisted that sending it to an OFFICE BUILDING, where my friend works, and
where I DON'T WORK, was safer than sending it to my SECURE FUCKING PO BOX,
WHICH ONLY I HAVE A KEY TO. HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW ME WORK IN THAT
OFFICE. Any fucking NUMBER of people could have gotten hold of that envelope
and done who the hell knows what with it. It may have gotten tossed in the
trash, even, for all I know. Shit, the delivery guy may have junked it and
marked it delivered. Mail workers are some real pieces of work, sometimes. One
sicko had years of undelivered mail just sitting in his freaking basement.

And damn it, money orders are like cash. Do you actually think they fucking
bother checking your damned ID or somethng when you bring them in to cash
them? Half the time, they don't bother. And if you think someone who really
wanted to steal a few thousand dollars couldn't get a convincing fake ID in my
name, you have got another think coming, bub. Hell, even if it cost them a few
hundred bucks to get the ID, they would still have made a nice profit.

Your financier has the money order numbers. I assume there's some way they
can check to see if they have been cashed. If they haven't been, then
someone's lost them after they arrived in the mail at the office address. If
they have, someone else has fucking cashed them, because I don't have them.
And I can't send you money I don't have in hand. My friend's going to check
with the mail room, and demand they look for it down there. If it isn't
there, there isn't anything else I can do.

Hannah

I think I scared him at this point, because there was no response for a while. I throw Richard a bone.

Quote:

Mailroom guys found the envelope with the money orders late this afternoon.
The stupid delivery guy dropped it off without telling anyone, and it got left
on the damned table for who knows how many days. My friend gave the head of
the mailroom a right chewing out for not finding it the first time she asked,
and for not bringing it to the freaking office for delivery like he should
have.

It was too late to go cash them by the time I could go by and pick them up, so
I'm going early Monday. Everything will be closed tomorrow in observance of
Good Friday. If you ever have to mail anything else to me, use the fucking PO
Box like I asked in the first place. Mailroom workers in office buildings are
complete twats. I would rather trust a bunch of brain damaged monkeys with my
money than them.

Hannah

No offense to any actual mailroom workers in office buildings, of course. Or, for that matter, any monkeys, brain damaged or otherwise.

He's on it like white on marshmallow. The white ones.

Quote:

HANNAH, HOW FAR? HAVE YOU CASH THE MONEY ORDER I AM AWAITING YOUR REPLY.

Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 7:16 pm

Mamman eagerly reminds me of the terms of my loan. I'm sure he's dying to set his records straight!

Quote:

Dear Hannah,
We are in receipt of your mail acknowledging being in possession of the money order.No doubt by now you should have cashed the money yesterday as you said, to this we say congratulations.
Be reminded of the agreement. Since the loan was given on the 11th of march, 2005. Being a short loan for two weeks we are now looking forward to receiving the control number/evidence of payment to enable us put our records straight.
Compliments.
Mamman Sadiq

I love how he congratulates me on the fact that he's, at best, loan sharking me, and at worst, defrauding me.

Richard also eagerly reminds me of my obligations.

Quote:

HANNAH, HOW FAR?
HAVE YOU CASHED THE MONEY ORDER? I AM WAITING FOR YOUR INFORMATION.MAKE SURE YOU DO THAT TODAY BECAUSE THE FINANCIER, ARE EXPECTING THEIR MONEY AS EARLY AS POSSIBLE.

I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY. TODAY.

RICHARD ROBINSON

So, I wait a day or two. Then, I drop the bombshell. I figure this will send them both running, but it doesn't, quite. Cover tender ears, please.

Quote:

You enormous fucking shitheads! The money orders are counterfeit! They're not
even worth the damned paper they're printed on, you cheating, lying
motherfuckers! I hope the two of you get choked on the goat dicks you suck!

Hannah

And I figure that's the end of it. But, oh, no! I will be snookered if Richard Robinson doesn't try to explain it away! Poorly as all get out, but he does try.

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH
THANKS FOR THE MESSAGE AND THE INFORMATION YOU GAVE TO ME. I AM VERY
SORRY FOR THE UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT THAT OCCURED BASED ON THE FINANCERS
CARELESSNESS. BELEIVE YOU ME THAT IT WAS NOT INTENTIONAL.
HOWEVER I HAVE MADE ANOTHER ARRANGEMENT FOR THE ONWARD TRANSFER
OF THIS FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THERE IN AMERICA. BECAUSE OF THE URGLY
INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED BEFORE, I HAVE DECIDED TO TRANSFER THIS FUND
INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THROUGH OUR CORRESPONDENT BANK THERE IN AMERICA AS
BEEN ARRANGED BY MY LAWYER (BARISTER JERRY WEST) WHO HAS CONCLUDED
EVERY ARRANGEMENT FOR THE TRANSFER, AWAITING YOUR APPROVAL BEFORE HE
WILL GO INTO ACTION.HOWEVER YOU CAN REACH HIM ON PHONE NO
234 80 33030136.
I AWAITE YOUR URGENT REPLY.
BEST REGARDS,
RICHARD

So, the counterfeit money orders weren't intentional? It was carelessness? Ooops, I'm so clumsy, I just accidentally forged a financial instrument? Yes, that is "urgly".

So, now I'm introcduced to Jerry West, who is apparently some strange animal known as a "barister". Okay, I'll play along. A bit. I won't go quietly, though.

For fun, I decide to see if I can fish a bank website out of this guy, and get some groveling. Again, shield the innocents in the room

Quote:

> DEAR HANNAH
> THANKS FOR THE MESSAGE AND THE INFORMATION YOU GAVE TO ME. I AM VERY
> SORRY FOR THE UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT THAT OCCURED BASED ON THE FINANCERS
> CARELESSNESS. BELEIVE YOU ME THAT IT WAS NOT INTENTIONAL.

Carelessness? Not intentional!? Are you trying to get me to buy that your
"financier" just HAPPENED to have some counterfeit money orders lying about,
and he just ACCIDENTALLY sent them to me and could have NOT INTENTIONALLY
gotten me arrested for even having them and screwed me out of that much money?
Are you on fucking crack? Explain how this could have been NOT INTENTIONAL!

> HOWEVER I HAVE MADE ANOTHER ARRANGEMENT FOR THE ONWARD TRANSFER
> OF THIS FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THERE IN AMERICA. BECAUSE OF THE URGLY
> INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED BEFORE,

Ugly? You have got to fucking be kidding me! Your fucking financier committed
a damned felony, and you just call it "ugly"!

>I HAVE DECIDED TO TRANSFER THIS FUND
> INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THROUGH OUR CORRESPONDENT BANK THERE IN AMERICA

What bank? What's its name? Where is it located? What is the website, so I can
check it out? If you think I'm taking your damned so-called "word" on this
one, you're out of your mind. This "bank" is probably like your "fianancier".
Bogus.

>AS
> BEEN ARRANGED BY MY LAWYER (BARISTER JERRY WEST) WHO HAS CONCLUDED
> EVERY ARRANGEMENT FOR THE TRANSFER, AWAITING YOUR APPROVAL BEFORE HE
> WILL GO INTO ACTION.HOWEVER YOU CAN REACH HIM ON PHONE NO
> 234 80 33030136.
> I AWAITE YOUR URGENT REPLY.

Hell no. I want an EXPLANATION first. A reasonable one. You explain to me how
your financier "accidentally" committed a crime. If you can't, you and your
rotten, cocksucking, supposed financier can keep yourselves busy fucking each
other instead of talking to me, because you're wasting your time. Explanation
and proof, first. I am not trusting you without a fucking explanation. Let's
see some proof about this "lawyer", too, while we're at it. I want photo ID.
Hell, I want a damned scan of his fucking diploma, assuming he has one.

> BEST REGARDS,
> RICHARD

Best regards, my ass.

Hannah

Heck, send me some photo trophies, too, if you're willing! (Why not go for broke?)

Jerry West (NBA, anyone?), whose email settings show his name as "deleted west", bless him, emails me the following right after.

Quote:

Attn:HANNAH
Dear/MA
We write to inform you that fund will arrived USA
Houston
Texas though our dipolmate couerier and consignment will be
deliver to yourdoorstep as soon as officers[name Mr.Paul Scotland}finish

with the clearance from the USA CUSTOM SERVICES.
HANNAH,you are
expected to call me this phone number 2348038410033 for more
informations.please endeavour to email me with the
phone number-fax
number and contact mailing address so that i will forwad to officers in
Houston USA, then call immediately.
We await for your urgent
response.
Regards,
BARR WEST JERRY.

There's that Houston/diplomatic courier connection that seems so popular, lately. And how does one "forwad"?

To make it more confusing, Richard emails me yet again.

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH,
THANKS FOR YOUR MESSAGE,SORRY FOR REPLYING YOU LATE,
IT IS BECAUSE I WAS OUT OF STATION,NOW I AM BACK PLEASE FOR GOD SAKE
CONTACT MY ATTONEY,BARRISTER JERRY WEST.EMAIL:[email protected]

THIS IS HIS TELEPHONE:234 8038410033 THIS IS HIS DIRECT LINE,PLEASE DO ASK I INSTRUCTED YOU HE IS A VERY BUSY MAN AND I BET YOU HE CAN ASSIST US IN THIS TRANSACTION.

WITHOUT ANY FURTHER EXCUSE OR MISTAKE BECAUSE THE FIRST STEP WAS TAKEN WITHOUT INVOLVING HIM,IF NOT I WOULD HAVE ARRESTED THE FINANCER,SO FORGET ABOUT THE PAST AND LET US FORGE AHEAD.THE ATTORNEY IS A NICE MAN AND HE WILL ARRANGE HOW YOU WILL COLLECT YOUR FUND IN YOUR DOOR STEP IN USA.
THANKS,I AWAIT YOUR RESPOND AS YOU CONTACT THE ATTONEY,JUST INFORM HIM TO ASSIST YOU TO REMITT YOUR FUND $15 MILLION DOLLARS INTO YOUR ACCOUNT IN (US)AS I HAVE DIRECTED YOU.MAKE SURE YOU GET BACK TO ME,THANKS AND CONGRATULATIONS FOR THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT.
BEST REGARDS,
RICHARD ROBINSON

I love how he wants me to forget the past and forge ahead, when I could have been arrested for a felony or lost thousands. Lads are so forgiving. And I'm glad to hear the attorney is a "nice man". Aren't they all? And again with the congratulations. They've congratulated me so much, I'm half tempted to see if I've gotten married or pregnant when I wasn't looking and just haven't noticed.

Then I get the same email, once again, from Jerry "deleted" West, telling me about the "forwad" and all that.

Not surprisingly, I decide to be, let's say "difficult" about this whole thing.

Quote:

>
> DEAR HANNAH,
> THANKS FOR YOUR MESSAGE,SORRY FOR REPLYING YOU LATE,
> IT IS BECAUSE I WAS OUT OF STATION,NOW I AM BACK PLEASE FOR GOD SAKE
> CONTACT MY ATTONEY,BARRISTER JERRY WEST.EMAIL:[email protected]
>

Why the hell should I contact him? He's already emailed me. Before you even
emailed me. And he's apparently too stupid to even get his name right in the
email. He's got himself listed as "deleted west". THIS is the attorney you've
hired? Wow, he's a real brain surgeon. Look, this attorney is going to have to
prove himself, or I'll assume he's every bit the lying bastard your financier
was.

> THIS IS HIS TELEPHONE:234 8038410033 THIS IS HIS DIRECT LINE,PLEASE DO >ASK
I INSTRUCTED YOU HE IS A VERY BUSY MAN AND I BET YOU HE CAN ASSIST US >IN THIS
TRANSACTION.

Oh, HE's busy, is he? And I suppose I don't have anything to do all day but
sit around and try to get your idiot lawyer on the phone? And I should trust
the two of you because...? Why? You haven't given me any reason to. You still
haven't adequately explained how this cockup with your financier occurred, and
why you seem to refuse to make a complaint to the autorities against him. You
act almost like you condone it. You only seem sorry he got caught, not that he
attempted to defraud me.

>
> WITHOUT ANY FURTHER EXCUSE OR MISTAKE BECAUSE THE FIRST STEP WAS TAKEN
WITHOUT INVOLVING HIM,IF NOT I WOULD HAVE ARRESTED THE FINANCER,

So arrest him now. With or without involving your lawyer, the damned financier
committed a crime. It doesn't matter whether your fucking lawyers was involved
or not. Or do you not care that the financier could have gotten me in legal
trouble? Why the fuck does it matter whether or not your lawyer was involved
the first time? I want to see the financier arrested. Now. I want his damned
balls on a fork, for that matter, but I'll settle for you getting him
arrested.

>SO FORGET ABOUT THE PAST AND LET US FORGE AHEAD.

Forget about the past? Forget about a little thing like a felony committed
against me by a financier YOU recommended? I don't think so. Tell you what.
How about I just stab you in the testicles with a fucking fork, and let's see
if you can "forgive me and forge ahead"?

>THE ATTORNEY IS A NICE MAN AND HE WILL ARRANGE HOW YOU WILL COLLECT YOUR
>FUND IN YOUR DOOR STEP IN USA.

Oh, he's a "nice" man, is he? Oh, that's a ringing endorsement. Especially
coming from you. I mean, your financier was SOOOO trustworthy as well.

> THANKS,I AWAIT YOUR RESPOND AS YOU CONTACT THE ATTONEY,JUST INFORM HIM TO
ASSIST YOU TO REMITT YOUR FUND $15 MILLION DOLLARS INTO YOUR ACCOUNT IN (US)AS
I HAVE DIRECTED YOU.MAKE SURE YOU GET BACK TO ME,THANKS AND CONGRATULATIONS
FOR THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT.
> BEST REGARDS,
> RICHARD ROBINSON
>

He's going to have to prove it, mister. And I won't believe it until I fucking
see the whites of his eyes on my damned doorstep.

Hannah

I'm no nicer to Jerry "deleted" West.

Quote:

> Attn:HANNAH
> Dear/MA
> We write to inform you that fund will arrived USA Houston
> Texas though our dipolmate couerier and consignment will be deliver to
yourdoorstep as soon as officers[name Mr.Paul Scotland}finish with the
clearance from the USA CUSTOM SERVICES.

That's awfully impressive, given that Richard Robinson gave me your contact
info AFTER you emailed me this, and the fact that he wanted ME to contact YOU.
Are you psychic? And pray, do tell, why, according to your email account, is
your name "deleted west"? And where are your credentials? ID? Something to
prove you are who you say you are? I've put up with enough shit from people
recommended by Richard Robinson. His damned "financier" sent me fraudulent
payments. I could have been arrested. So, I'm sure you understand why I'm just
a shade reluctant to accept you as a lawyer, just because you can send an
email.

Send me some proof you are a lawyer, or you can get eaten by a crocodile, for
all I care. And while you're at it, you can go ahead and send me some proof
that Mr. Paul Scotland exists. How about a contact address or a phone number
for him? Some ID, perhaps? I'm not accepting just your word on it.

> HANNAH,you are expected to call me this phone number 2348038410033 for more
informations.please endeavour to email me with the
> phone number-fax number and contact mailing address so that i will forwad
to officers in Houston USA, then call immediately.
> We await for your urgent response.
> Regards,
> BARR WEST JERRY.

I don't have international calling, and you haven't given me a good reason as
to why you need to give me this information on the phone. You obviously have
my email address, and can type. Therefore, you can give me this extra
information IN WRITING. Considering just how slimy the financier was, I think
I prefer it in writing. Also, why should I waste my time and money attempting
to call you internationally when you have a diplomat here in the States, which
would be a domestic call? If you know he's here, you obviously have a Houston
number for him, where he can be contacted. Give me the phone number of his
hotel, and what room he's staying in. If I need to contact anyone, I'll
contact HIM.

You can either give me a contact number for the diplomat in Houston, or we can
correspond by email. Why do you need my phone number? Why would you need a fax
number? And why, on earth would you need my mailing address? You're not going
to be MAILING me the consignment. Besides, if you really ARE Richard
Robinson's attorney, HE can provide you with all that information. Why don't
the two of you actually try TALKING to each other, instead of contacting me
for things that you should already HAVE?

Hannah

I even tweak him a second time by replying to his second, identical mail.

Quote:

Please don't waste my time by sending me multiple, identical emails. I've
already answered your first.

Hannah

Richard gets fresh. Oh, that will not go over well, I'm sure.

Quote:

MY DEAR HANNAH,
FORGET THE PAST, GET INTOUCH WITH MY ATTORNEY, ASK HIM TO CALL POLICE FOR THE FINANCIER,FIRST AND THAT HE SHOULD ASSIST US, IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT, I CAN ASSURE YOU HE WILL DEAL WITH THE FINANCIER. MY SWEET SISTER FORGET THE PAST.
ASK THE ATTORNEY TO ASSIST YOU FOR THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT..
I AWAIT YOUR CALL OR REPLY, THINGS WILL BE O.K NOW.

YOURS PARTNER ,

RICHARD

Not quite a Newb Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 71

Good one! Can't wait for the next installment. You are one rude chick! Very Happy

Posted: Mon Jun 27, 2005 10:28 pm

I'm really enjoying this one!!
I always thought Jerry West was a lad...especially after he moved on to the Grizzlies.

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 4:00 am

Thanks, I'm glad someone besides me is enjoying this bait.

Anywho, content that these lads are currently stuck on me like bubblegum on your sneaker on a ninety-degree day, I decide to really give them what for.

I go all, y'know, logical and stuff on Richard.

Quote:

> MY DEAR HANNAH,
> FORGET THE PAST, GET INTOUCH WITH MY ATTORNEY, ASK HIM TO CALL POLICE FOR
THE FINANCIER,

Why the hell would I need to ask your attorney to contact the police? YOU
contact the police. And I will talk to your attorney only if he can prove
himself to me. I'm not ever accepting just your word on anyone's
trustworthiness again. You burned me once with your so-called financier. If
you think I'm just taking your word for the attorney, you're insane.

By the way, YOU can send me some photo ID as well. I want to see your
identification before I go any further with this. Yours and the lawyer's.

>FIRST AND THAT HE SHOULD ASSIST US, IF THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT, I CAN >ASSURE
YOU HE WILL DEAL WITH THE FINANCIER.

How much clearer can I make myself? I want the fucking financier arrested,
taken to jail, and if possible, beaten beyond all recognition for what he did
to me. I want to SEE the newspaper articles about him being arrested. I want
to hear what pathetic excuse he gives the police when they arrest him. I WANT
THE BASTARD PUNISHED, AND I WANT TO SEE SOME PROOF.

>MY SWEET SISTER FORGET THE PAST.

You call me "sweet sister" one more time, and I'm going to ask for YOUR balls
on a fork. Don't you patronize me.

> ASK THE ATTORNEY TO ASSIST YOU FOR THIS NEW DEVELOPMENT..
> I AWAIT YOUR CALL OR REPLY, THINGS WILL BE O.K NOW.

I told you, not until I see some identification for you and the lawyer. I've
told the lawyer the same. Otherwise, the two of you can go fuck yourselves.

>
> YOURS PARTNER ,
>
> RICHARD

You're "my partner" only when I say you are. Get off your sorry ass, get the
financier arrested, give me some proof I can trust you, and maybe then you
will DESERVE calling yourself my partner.

Hannah

Mister "deleted west" gets back to me with the Most. Pathetic. Response. Ever.

Quote:

HOW ARE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HOPE ALL IS WELL IF SONTHANKS BE TO GOD.I
SEND YOU THIS EMAIL DUE TO INFORMATIONS HAVE FROM YOUR CONTACTMAN SO

SEND WHAT ASK YOU. THE USA PEOPLE WILL REACH YOU TODAY.

Now, I ask you, is that a proper response to what I wrote?

I make no secret of my displeasure in my response to him.

Quote:

What the fuck are you trying to say? Speak plain English. You still haven't
sent me any damned proof that you're a lawyer, or any answers to my questions.
Prove yourself legitimate or fuck off, I say.

I'm not giving you anything in the way of further help until I see some damned
proof you are who you say you are, "deleted".

Hannah

Richard tries to get all touchy-feely with me. It 1) gives me the creeps and 2) causes me to verbally chop his hands off at the wrists.

Quote:

MY DEAR SWEET HEART,
THANKS FOR EVERY THING. HAVE YOU BEEN CONTACTED BY THE AMERICAN ONLINE BANK BY MY LAWYER CONNECTION BARRISTER JERRY WEST, I BELIVED BY NOW HE WOULD HAVE SEND YOU HIS I.D CARD AS YOU REQUESTED.

SWEETHEART, I HAVE GOTTEN THE FINANCIER ARRESTED THIS MORNING, MEANWHY MAKE SURE YOU ALWAYS FORWARD TO ME EVERY MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED FROM MY LAWYER JERRY WEST AND THE AMERICAN BANK, FOR VERIFICATION AND ADVISE TO AVOID MISTAKE OF THE PAST.

THANKS I AWAIT YOURS,

REPLY.
YOURS PARTNER

I also am helped through the near-psychotic rage induced by this email by assisting in the killing a fake Fleet Bank site in a bid to get a nifty flag, but I digress...

Mostly, I reduce the stress levels by going semi-ballistic on Richard's sorry lad-behind.

Quote:

> MY DEAR SWEET HEART,

First of all, WHAT did I tell you in my last email about patronizing me? I
told you you were NOT allowed to call me "sweet sister", so what makes you
think you can call me sweet heart? You have a LOT of NERVE calling me that. It
is RUDE and UNPROFESSIONAL, and it makes you sound like a complete and total
fucknut. It is PATRONIZING and CONDESCENDING, and if you insist on addressing
me that way in another email, I will insist on addressing you as FUCKWIT,
because it's about as polite as calling a woman you are doing BUSINESS with
sweet heart.

> THANKS FOR EVERY THING. HAVE YOU BEEN CONTACTED BY THE AMERICAN ONLINE >
>BANK

You mean Fleet International Bank? Where to start? To begin with, the idiots
referred to me as "Mr." and "Sir". This is incredibly insulting and demeaning,
as I am a WOMAN, thank you very much. If you asked for these people to contact
me, you should have made sure they would address me properly. The lot of you
are incredibly unprofessional in this regard. You should be ashamed that you
are all too incompetent to even get my gender correct when you have been told
REPEATEDLY that I am female. I'm supposed to trust you people with my money,
when you can't even get a simple term of address correct?

And this is assuming that these people are even affiliated with you! They
didn't bother to identify themselves as being associated with you. They didn't
bother to tell me why they were contacting me at all! They just email up and
call me "Sir" and start asking me to open an account online, with no
explanation of WHY I'm supposed to be doing it or HOW they got my information.
Please have your affiliated banks properly identify themselves when they
contact customers.

>BY MY LAWYER CONNECTION BARRISTER JERRY WEST, I BELIVED BY NOW HE WOULD >HAVE
SEND YOU HIS I.D CARD AS YOU REQUESTED.

Well, he hasn't. He's contacted me, but he has sent me absolutely no
identification or any other proof of identity. He has done nothing but ask for
my information (which YOU should be able to give to him, anyway, instead of
asking ME to waste my time giving him information he should already HAVE), and
ignore my requests for identification. I have made very clear to him that I am
not doing the first thing he asks until he shows me some legitimate photo ID,
for obvious reasons, given the debacle with the financier.

For that matter, I asked YOU to provide identification for yourself. I haven't
seen it yet. What IS the holdup?

>
> SWEETHEART, I HAVE GOTTEN THE FINANCIER ARRESTED THIS MORNING,

I'd love to see a scan of the newspaper article, or some other proof of this
arrest. A copy of the warrant, a picture of the bastard behind bars, whatever
you prefer.

>MEANWHY MAKE SURE YOU ALWAYS FORWARD TO ME EVERY MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED >FROM
MY LAWYER JERRY WEST AND THE AMERICAN BANK, FOR VERIFICATION AND >ADVISE TO
AVOID MISTAKE OF THE PAST.

There's no point in forwarding you anything until the lawyer provides proof of
identity. I refuse to cooperate with him until I get it. As I said, I am NOT
just accepting anyone's word on anything from this point on. Prove yourselves
or forget it.

Hannah

But Richard's pretty much got a one-track mind. And the train's off the rails.

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH,
SORRY FOR THE MISTAKE,BY CALLING YOU SWEETHEART, DO NOT BE ANNOYED. PLEASE CONFIRM TO ME IF YOU HAVE BEEN CONTACTED BY THE USA BANK ON LINE.

FORWARD TO ME THEIR RESPONDENCES WITH YOU.

REGARDS

RICHARD

Yes, dear, killing it as you type...

I'm not terribly charitable in my reply.

Quote:

>
>
>
> DEAR HANNAH,
> SORRY FOR THE MISTAKE,BY CALLING YOU SWEETHEART, DO NOT BE ANNOYED.

Mistake? You did it twice. Once is an accident. Twice is not. Why can't you
damned well take resposibility for your own actions?

>PLEASE CONFIRM TO ME IF YOU HAVE BEEN CONTACTED BY THE USA BANK ON LINE.

What part of "You mean Fleet International Bank?" from my last email are you
having a problem understanding? No, I have not been contacted by "THE USA BANK
ON LINE". If, by that tortured phrase, you actually mean "Fleet International
Bank", then, yes, I have, and they were incredibly stupid in calling me "Sir",
"Mr.", and by not IDENTIFYING themselves as being affiliated with you. If you
DON'T mean Fleet International, then no, I haven't been contacted, except by
some other fruitcake who claims to be from Fleet International Bank.

>
> FORWARD TO ME THEIR RESPONDENCES WITH YOU.

I'm not forwarding anything. I asked you a simple, direct question in my last
email. You didn't answer. You can answer it now. You also have failed to
provide me with your ID, as I have REPEATEDLY requested, and your lawyer
hasn't either. Comply, answer my questions, or fuck off. At this point, you
don't seem capable of understanding a simple question, request, instructions,
or, for that matter, basic English, so I am beginning to doubt you could
handle a transfer of fifty cents, much less a large sum. Do I need to use
smaller words so you can keep up?

Hannah

I get an email from deleted west, with the subject "MY I.D.", but no attachment.

Quote:

I HAVE YOU REACH THE BANK ASK YOU TO CONTACT FOR THE PAYMENT. I AM ONLY
TRYING TO ASSIT YOU AND OUR BROTHER.

I do not let this pass unchallenged, of course.

Quote:

There is no ID card attached. Try attaching it again.

Hannah

419Eater is my life Joined: 11 Jun 2005 Posts: 344

very enjoyable read! and your keeping of them on the bait even with all that slapping is awesome! Smile

If you ever publish the entire saga (with the omitted emails), be sure to let me know, would greatly enjoy reading it.

ive got a few lads that i'm just about ready to dump cause they are so friggin boring! I just get the same "please send your info urgently" crap, no matter what i say or do to them. I guess i could finally give in and give them an addy/phone/name/occupation/age like theyre asking, but they need to answer my questions first.

anyway, cheers to the great bait!

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 5:15 am

Awesome slapping! clapping

But now, I gotta ask... is this PMS week? Because, if it isn't, I sure as hell don't want to be around when it is! Shocked

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 3:54 pm

@DementedAngel Oh, I generally start out extremely boring. I'm all compliant and sweet and wide-eyed and innocent, then when I've got the hook set, I slowly go slightly more demanding and clued-in. I think baiting as a female helps. The majority of the lads seem to think women are easier to scam. They tend to talk down to you, mollycoddle you, let you get away with more, be more naive, and think you will be more trustworthy and easily manipulated/bullied when necessary. So that makes it all the sweeter to go all "smackdown" on them when they are dead certain you're going to pay. They like going at you from multiple angles once you seem a good candidate. My trick is to only twig or fail to pay for very good, reasonable things. Like growing suspicious after the bank warns me when I go to wire the payment. I love for a lad to try to talk me out of the warning.

@frazzle Laughing

Nah, that's just the special abuse I pull out for the lads only. Use the old baiting persona to offload all the stress you've ever wanted to offload. I've been at my current job six years, and my coworkers have seen me in a "mood" a grand total of about twice. I was scary as all hell, because I was so mad and generally I'm Miss Easygoing. Ever heard that old joke about "Beware the wrath of a patient person?" That's me. Long fuse, but a big keg of dynamite. Usually, if I say "damn", someone thinks they're in big trouble.

Anyway, after a short stint, Richard gives me an email with the subject "New Development". This new development is that my money has been moved to yet another online bank.

Quote:

DEAR HANNAH,
THIS TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT YOUR FUND HAS BEEN MOVED TO OUR OFFSHORE OFFICE IN LONDON
PLEASE CONTACT OUR PAYING CENTER
THE ACCOUNT
NAME:DR.MASS SMITH
TEL :00447748091862
EMAIL:[email protected]
WEBSITE: www.scfinancialtrust.com
PLEASE AS SOON AS YOU DO THAT MAKE SURE YOU GET BACK TO ME, THE OFFSORE OFFICE WILL REMMITE TO YOU THE SUM OF $15M USD DOLLARS,
IN YOUR FAVOUR, I HAVE SECURE THE NECESSARY DOCUMENT WHICH I HAVE FORWARDED TO THEM.
THANKS I A WAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY.
YOURS PARTNER,
RICHARD

Now, this online bank was on a host so proactive, they toasted it before I could even get there. Impressive. And fun for me.

Quote:

>
> DEAR HANNAH,
> THIS TO BRING TO YOUR NOTICE THAT YOUR FUND HAS BEEN MOVED TO OUR OFFSHORE
OFFICE IN LONDON

I'd like an explanation of why it has been moved. A reasonable one. Not the
usual, crap song and dance you try to give me every time I ask a question.

> PLEASE CONTACT OUR PAYING CENTER
> THE ACCOUNT
> NAME:DR.MASS SMITH
> TEL :00447748091862
> EMAIL:[email protected]
> WEBSITE: www.scfinancialtrust.com

That website does not work, so there's no point in me trying to email.

> PLEASE AS SOON AS YOU DO THAT MAKE SURE YOU GET BACK TO ME, THE OFFSORE
OFFICE WILL REMMITE TO YOU THE SUM OF $15M USD DOLLARS,
> IN YOUR FAVOUR, I HAVE SECURE THE NECESSARY DOCUMENT WHICH I HAVE >FORWARDED
TO THEM.

And where are the documents you promised me? Like your identification? And
where is your lawyer, Jerry West? He failed to attach his identification when
he emailed me the last time. I let him know that he didn't attach it, and I've
never heard from him since. Why are you people being so evasive? What have you
got to hide? Why do you seem incapable of providing identification for
yourselves, or websites that work? I've told you, I'm not going any further
without decent proof. You keep avoiding my questions. I'm tired of it.

Hannah

Oh, but it gets even more fun, boys and girls! He gives me another URL, this time for a fake ECOWAS site.

Quote:

Dear Hannah,
All is well I am trying my best so that you receive this your fund with out delay please contact Very Happy

r Patric Raja of the ecowas paying centre email:[email protected]
site:www.ecowasfpmu.com
This is the latest development.
Thanks I await your reply,
Your Faithfully,
Richard.

I go visit this one. And guess what? It's been "redecorated" by the Artists Against 419.

This gives me permission to go even more ballistic.

Quote:

And what precisely the flying fuck is this? I found it at the website you
directed me to.

YOU STILL HAVEN'T ANSWERED ANYTHING TO MY SATISFACTION.

Hannah

I attach this picture, which was on display at the site.

Richard sends me this pathetic email. This is obviously before he reads my "Why is your website defaced?" email.

Quote:

HANNAH,
I NEED YOUR OWN I. D. CARD.AND INTERNATIONAL PASSPORT, FIRST AND SECOND PAGE.

No matter. I still take this as permission to channel all the anger, frustration, and helplessness I feel when I read about a real victim into my reply. Um... move the pets away from the monitor if you don't want their fur singed.

Quote:

DAMN YOU YOU FUCKING BRAIN DAMAGED ASS-MONKEY, ARE YOU THIS INCREDIBLY STUPID
ALL THE TIME, OR DID YOU GET SPECIAL TRAINING?

What the hell is wrong with you? Did your sorry excuse for a mother drop you
on your head when you were a baby? I ASKED YOU A DIRECT QUESTION. I asked you
to explain WHY there is a message about something called 419 on that site you
directed me to. http://www.ecowasfpmu.com/ Click on that you fucking
brain-dead asswipe. See that picture? Is that what I'm supposed to be seeing?
Why is the site being called a fake bank? Why are you being called a fraud?

AND WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID AS TO BELIEVE THAT I AM GOING TO SEND YOU MY
DAMNED FUCKING ID AFTER YOU HAVE JERKED ME AROUND, LIED TO ME, AVOIDED SENDING
ME ID, CHANGED YOUR STORY EVERY OTHER EMAIL, AVOIDED ANSWERING MY QUESTIONS,
AND GENERALLY BEHAVED LIKE YOU HAVE A BRAIN THAT COULD COMFORTABLY FIT IN THE
FUCKING NAVEL OF A FLEA AND STILL HAVE AMPLE ROOM LEFT OVER?

You've been exposed for what you are, you fraudulent, thieving, filthy scum!
You're a 419 scammer! I've been reading those links those people left. You're
a rotten, thieving, lowlife criminal. You deserve to be arrested and put in a
cell with Big Bubba, where he will screw your sorry ass so much, you'll be
able to keep your head up there PERMANENTLY, instead of just when you're
replying to me.

FUCK OFF YOU SCAMMING BASTARD! Rot in hell and get fucked by goats for all I
care. You're not getting my ID and you're not getting my money, you sorry ass
excuse for a human being. You're garbage, little boy. Just a stupid little boy
who doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. What do you do? Sell your
ass in the alleyway to scrape up the money for an internet cafe? I bet you do.
I bet you don't have a dollar to your name until you go out into the alley,
drop your trousers, and let someone roger you for all your skanky ass is
worth. What's it take? Ten or fifteen of them to get you a dollar?

Go back to playing with your miscroscopic penis and stop emailing me,
insignificant little boy. SCREW YOU!

Hannah

I was going for a death threat, you see. They're rare as hen's teeth for most of us straight baiters.

Ah, now the penny's dropped. Richard has read my "why is your site defaced" email. He still admirably tries to stay in character.

Quote:

Dear Hannah.

I have taken your matter to the Presidency and I am sure as they promised they will contact you, even the president was not happy that we did not report the Matter on time, and later promised to do something very fast about this your matter, if he contacts you notify me.

Thanks, I wait your urgent reply.

Richard Robenson

Now, by this point, I'm a shade bored by old Richard, who is so rattled, he's forgotten how to spell his own name. I figure he'll fade. But he doesn't. Quite. He makes another attempt, but by then, I felt I was stretching credibility as a "real potential victim" if I continued.

I get the following email.

Quote:

Attn: Hannah,

I am so pleased to write you today, from the report that I got concerning our Foreign contractors, it came to my notice that your fund has been over due for payment, and some bad eggs in our socity have been keeping it, the report reaching me said that they are doing this so that at the end of the day they will divert the fund to any bank of their choice. I gathered too that the reason why the suceeded is that most of you wanted to go through the back door.

Well if you are conversant with the International Media, CNN, BBC and all that you will agree with me that I am doing all things humanly possible to stop currption in and around my country, well by right as the number one citizen of our country am not supposed to contact you, but because of my concern for people I decided to contact you.

I am trying, if you are conversant you will hear that many Senators and even my members in the Federal House of Rep, have been lad off, this is in the bid to stop Currption. The only thing I will like you to do is to follow my instructions that you will be happy that you did.

We held a meeting in the Presidency and we resolved that all the contractors that met their Obligations like you even though there are fees that they are supposed to pay they will.

(1). Write A Promissary note for $42 thousand Dollars.(This money will be paid after the transfer).

(2). Waiver fee of $750.

(3). Form of Identification or prove that you are the Beneficiary.

(4). Your Current banking account, reason my staffs will not be held for any wrong transfer.

When you get all this, then you will send all to the woman incharge of crediting.

MRS LUCY UKA

ADDRESS: [email protected]

Sorry for the delay in crediting your account, like I said only follow my instruction and you will be happy you did.

Congratulations!!!

CHIEF OLUSEGUN OBASANJO

Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, ladies and gentlemen! They've brought out the big guns! From a presidency.com email address, yet! You get them bad eggs, chief!

I make rather short work of the Chief after this, but I'll break that out into a new post in just a bit.

Posted: Tue Jun 28, 2005 4:08 pm

I'm not very kind to the pres, either.

Quote:

Attn: Hannah,

I am so pleased to write you today, from the report that I got concerning our Foreign contractors, it came to my notice that your fund has been over due for payment, and some bad eggs in our socity have been keeping it, the report reaching me said that they are doing this so that at the end of the day they will divert the fund to any bank of their choice. I gathered too that the reason why the suceeded is that most of you wanted to go through the back door.

Well if you are conversant with the International Media, CNN, BBC and all that you will agree with me that I am doing all things humanly possible to stop currption in and around my country, well by right as the number one citizen of our country am not supposed to contact you, but because of my concern for people I decided to contact you.

Like hell you are! You're every bit as fake as that goatfucking Richard Robinson (or Robenson, he can't seem to decide how to spell his own damned name) and his shit fake website. You two go play with each other's testicles, if you can find them, instead, little boys. You certainly aren't going to scam me. I know you're silly, stupid little fraudsters who couldn't scam your way out of a paper bag. Go back home to your mommy and let her change your diapers. You're starting to stink, you're so full of shit.

Hannah

I also tell Richard to get himself another maga.

Quote:

Why the fucking hell should I contact your "president". He's as phony as your
fucking shit website, http://www.ecowasfpmu.com/

It's a damned mail.com address. You can take your fucking scamming shit
elsewhere.

Hannah

Believe it or not, the pres responds!

Quote:

Hanah,

I tried to help you at list to have your over due fund, without any further delay was that why you should insult my person?

Can you do that to your number one citizen in your country?

I want your response.

OBJ

Hmmm.... smells more like "number two" to me...

I reply thusly.

Quote:

There you have it. My response is "Go fuck yourself." Hannah --

And they finally get the hint. At least for the moment. So, final total, several months wasted, much fun had, much stress released, and several sites redecorated or toasted. All in all, a good bait. And all without blowing my cover as a baiter. And I STILL half expect to hear from someone on behalf of Richard sooner or later.

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 3:05 am

By golly, you'll never guess who I just heard from, with yet another "NEW DEVELOPMENT"...

Quote:

ATTN: HANNAH
PLEASE BE INFORMED THAT YOUR LOAN IS READY NOW.
THERE IS A NEW DEVELOPMENT, ALL I NEED FROM YOU ARE AS FOLLOWS:
1) YOUR CITY CODE...............
2) ZIP CODE.....................
3) YOUR STATE...................
4) TELEPHONE NUMBER.............
5) COUNTRY......................
DO SEND THE ABOVE INFORMATION TO ENABLE ME PROCEED FOR YOUR CHEQUE
THANKS I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY, PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT THERE WILL NOT BE ANY DISAPPOINTMENT THIS TIME AROUND.
GOD BLESS.

RICHARD ROBINSON

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 4:31 pm

AIEEE! It's... The Bait That Would Not Die!

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 6:27 pm

Why yes it is! Do I have to give him, like, a mug for the one year milestone or send him a card or something?

Assuming he's hardy enough to reply when I've said this:

Quote:

I will believe it when I damned well fucking see it, which I don't expect to.
Who is providing this loan? Which bank? Where is its website? Or is this
another one of your damned dodgy financiers? Was the last financier arrested?
Where is the proof of this? Do you still have your incredibly incompetent
lawyer, Jerry West? Or have you managed to find an attorney who didn't spend
his entire childhood eating lead paint?

What kind of check? Cashier's check? Will you actually send it to the fucking
PO box this time, like I told you to last time, or are you going to be an
enormous jackass again and insist on sending it to a damned office building?

And if you DARE send me something else fake or forged, I will personally hunt
your ass down and remove your testicles with a fucking rusty chainsaw. Or
garden shears. One tiny, tiny, tiny piece at a time.

Hannah

You know, in a weird way, I was kind of happy to hear from him.

Every instant he wastes pestering me must be an instant he isn't harassing a real waffling victim like this.

Persistent little bugger, isn't he? He must be in a dry spell...

Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 7:05 pm

This lad is like a used car salesman. They go over the prospects that 'got away' one more time to see if they bait/client has changed his mind.

I had a persistent salesman call me and after several attempts to telling him I brought something else, I told him 'his client' was dead. So .... he calls back next week! I screamed "I'm dead, I told you that last week and I'm still dead. And nothing in this life or the next will get me to buy a car from you."

Unfortunately, this lad's grasp of English is less than my former salesman.

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