STTTEELLLLAAAA!!!!! (Game Over)

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Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 1:37 am

I am absolutely flabbergasted that I have been able to be such a total prick to this lad, and he/she has not twigged. Not once! Just when I think I have totally gone over the top, they are back for more.... simply amazing!

Quote:

Dearly beloved Molly Ringwald,

Calvary greetings to you in the name of the lord, for
in his presence there is countless of joy.
I have received your email and carefully studied
it,knowing fully well that you did not write much but
trying to know how you will be of assistance,i know
that your will be a reliable and trust worthy partner,
I know you will be able to assure me 100% that you
will use the funds once in your position as i have
directed. Understand that as long as the funds are use
in the proper manner and pleasing to the soul then all
is well and please put more percentage on the recent
Asian tsunamis for Flood victims and eartquake also
which have spread to there african countries also,
God wants to use this means to help people throguh you.
I know you did respond to my other email but
i want you to understand that this email should be
treated with all good regards. I must commend you on
what you have allowed the lord do through you to Bless
the needy in Africa.

I have to thank the lord this moment for his direction
as regards this mission, God want me to complete this
mission hence, i got your contact,but i know you may
be wondering how i got you contact email,Actually when
i heard from the doctor that my condition has become
so bad, I have to reach out for a Christian sister,it
was through that Christian sister that i ask to make a
discrete search from the Internet for a Christian
individual that will utilise this money the way I am
going to instruct here in,and even the sister that
help me in this regard doesn't know the purpose for
which i intend to use it , and the fact that you are
God fearing person then it's easy to finish this. I
believe you have the calling and through you many will
be blessed. Do understand that all you will do is
claim the funds from the firm and then ensure that
your give 80% to homes in need of the funds and asian
flood victims. I know you did not write much but from
you wordings i can read your heart that you know what
you want and you will be trusted to handle such matters
that is benefiting to others in need.
It is important that you know the essence of this my
contact with you,not only will your organisation
benefit but including other people who have not had
the opportunity to know the lord.
I know that my family members(husband`s relatives) due
to selfish greed will want to use the funds for
selfish interest as they are around me knowing that we
are rich,that is why i have decided to keep this as
confidential as i can from all of them,this you will
do also, to ad void any hindrance in getting the funds
to you.

My husband earned this funds but he died and left
everything behind and i will join him soon in Jesus
name. I want you to claim this funds from this
security firm,i will prepare the paperwork and fax
them to you in your name as the beneficiary, you will
receive it like a gift from God and you will use it to
bless other less fortunate Christian believer.So this
funds you will receive on my behalf as gift from a
dieing family and you will never have any problem with
the law as you will only pay some amount to the
government as tax and the major part use to bless
God's Children all over the world(less privileged)
However, i am unable to handle the proceedings as
regards the release of the funds to you due to my
present state and condition and the fact that i am
been taking care off under the watchfully eyes of my
relatives which i have explained that i want to keep
the transaction absolutely secret from them.
I will advice that you contact my late husbands
attorney, who by reputations standard is a
diplomat/international attorney,based in Europe he
will be able to put you through on all modalities and
directions to ensure the safe release of the funds to
you and you will immediately carryout the sharing of
the funds to the charity organisations. You should
however note that once the funds is in your position i
have decided that you will be keeping 15% of the total
sum as your personal share and 5% for your expenses
to see that you safe deliver the funds(balance of 80% in
total) to the legalised charity organisations.
You are to inform him about the issue on ground,also
Kindly forward me your tel and fax number and your
country of nationality,to enable me fax you a letter
of authorisation to lay claims for the funds. The
importance of the attorney to ensure the safe delivery
of the funds to you cannot be over emphasised, He is a
good man and a Christian, he will handle the
processing of all documents for you will utmost
diligence.

My beloved , My condition is very critical and i
will not be in any position to help you through this.
I will not hide anything from you and want you also
not to hide anything from me this will serve as a bond
for the sauces of this transaction.As a partner to me
regarding my present predicament,i do not want to be
stressed or pressurised by you once all modalities are
been perfected for the funds to be transfered to you.
I know this will be capital intensive but you will be
able to handle all aspect of the transaction. Now
ensure that you keep this to your self no matter how
close you are with a friend do ensure my contact with
you is kept confidential until the funds are
successfully remitted to you, I have succeeded in
keeping this to my self and do not intend ever to let
this known by the family members even my doctor.
As soon as you confirm to me your readiness to handle
the collection of the funds and use it in the manner
that i have instructed, i will immediately forward to
you the contact details of the attorney so he can make
adequate preparations to perfect all necessary
documents in your name for the release of the funds to
you.

Once again do not misunderstand this kind gesture,but
always pray that you do the right thing once the funds
are in your possession and also ensure that you help
me keep this away from people until the funds are
safely transfered to you.

I have attached my international passport.

Remain blessed.
Regards
Mrs. stella sigcau

Thanks to ImageShack for Free Image Hosting

Quote:

Hi Stella!

Thank you for sending me your passport picture. You look like you have one goatfucker of a thyroid problem! Have you any iodine?

Molly Ringwald

Quote:

Dear Friend i don understand are you interested i want to give you the atorney contact tell me if i should in your next mail.

Remain blessed

Quote:

STELLA!!!!!

I am very interested in your proposal. Can you send me a picture of yourself so that I know that you are in good health?

Molly Ringwald

Quote:

Beloved one,

It is a priviledge to hear from God and it gives me joy to relate my testimony to you haven recieved instruction from God through divine revelation.

I am very sorry for my late response i have been under treatment so i could not inform Sister joyce to pass a message but i thank God that you did received my mail in a good condition.

This is in response of your mail as Mr abala have to forward the mail to me so that i can send to you in that process i have to verify it here so i have finally hand over the letter of authorization to him so make sure you, so the mail sent to you is from the attorney and i have to send iyt my self because he sent me to send you so there is nothing to be worried about, Madam as a child of god i have finally put all my trust in you to help me use the money for the purpose of charity organization foundation and you are to continue all contact and i am very sorry for your husband deth God have to way to revive our lives if we are in sorrowful mode but you have to always thanks and praise him.

Contact the lawyer with this email:

CHAMBER: TAFA ABALACO & CO
General Solicitors & legal Practitioner
NAME: Barrister Tafa Abala Esq.

EMAIL:[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected].

DIRECT MOBILE: +44-70-4011-2564.

Cal him to get the information but first you can also send him a mail and inform him with your contact details so that he can give you the full brief and start legal paper work.

Remain blessed
Mrs atella sigcau

Quote:

Stella:

How are you? Are you related to Jabba the Hut? He is my landlord, and you look a little like him from your passport photo. But hey, I'm sure you "have a great personality". After all, true beauty is on the inside, right? This explains why women with beards get laid too, I suppose.

Stella, I really don't trust lawyers. Here in the United States, they are considered little better than child molesters and oscar winners. However, my financial advisor, Mr. Jar-Jar Binks thinks its a good idea to send all my private account information to a total stranger in africa, so I think he may have a point.

Get back to me and let me know what you think!
Molly Ringwald

Quote:

Dear Brother In christ,

I am receiving treatment in the hospital,
Forget about sending your private account you will activate a new account with the bank.

just go ahead and contact the lawyer to get the documents via courier.

bye for now and remain Blessed
Mrs stella sigcau

Quote:

Stella:

I am so glad to hear that you are recieving treatments for your hideous deformities. My friends and I all agreed that you look like the product of an unnatural congress between Andre the Giant and a rhinocerous. This will be one extreme makeover to remember!

I lost the lawyer's contact information, please send them again to me. Oh yeah, I'm not a "Brother in christ". Please stop calling me that. I am a Jewish woman.

Molly

Quote:

Dear Mrs Molly ringwald,

How are you taday saturday i was just read your mail and i will give you the contact again and pplease right now i ave to attend to treatment so i will mail you again letter today.

Remain Blessed
Mrs stella sigcau

Quote:

Hi Stella!

How are the treatments going? Stella, it takes a lot of courage not to keep telling yourself "I'm just big boned" or "its a gland problem". I have to admire you for being so introspective and going through with the treatments as planned. From what I hear, extreme liposuctions are not as bad as everybody makes them out to be. You should consider a gastric bypass at the minimum. Stella, you also need to examine what got you to this spot in the first place. Stella, Twinkies and Ding-Dongs are NOT "health food." There is no glory in winning the local pygmy eating contest, just the quiet shame of knowing that you sweat lipids.

Please send me the lawyer's shit ASAP.

Thanks,
Molly Ringwald

Quote:

Dear Molly ringwald,

SORRY FOR MY LATE RESPONSE I WAS UNDER TREATMENT.

I did trust you and i beleive your attitude will
change because God have given you a chance to serve
for charity purpose to help people.

This is the lawyer contact:

TAFAR ABALACO & CO
GENERAL SOLICITORS & LEGAL PRACTITIONER
WITH CORPORATE ATTORNEYS

BARRISTER ABALA TAFA ESQ

EMAIL: [email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected]

Direct phone Line: +234-8034420597.

Call him and ask for assistance to get the papers.

I am doing great with my treatment.

Remain blessed
mrs stella sigcau

Quote:

Stella!

I am so glad to hear that you are doing well because of your treatments. Were they able to control that shiny rash that develops underneath giant folds of skin? Please send me a few before and after pictures so that I can see how you're doing!

I'm going to contact the lawyer lickity-split! Stella, I'll be your Johnny-on-the-spot for this money. My daddy died, left me all he got. I'll be your Johnny on the spot. I'll let you know what he tells me.

Love and Blessings,
Molly

A shiny new quarter to whomever can correctly point out the Ween reference.

Quote:

Bannister Abalala Taffa:

This letter may come as a surprise to you, but I am a friend of Mrs. Stella Sigmoid who gave me your three emails to contact you on. Stella is doing wonderfully with her colonic treatment and she has an indominable spirit. She thinks that she will be disimpacted any day now, and I have been saying many prayers for her. Hopefully you never teased her about her weight becuase that would be so mean and petty.

Anyway, Stella knows about some shit-load of money laying around in Africa and I want it. Let me know what I need to do.

Sincerely,
Molly Ringwald

Quote:

TAFAR ABALACO & CO
SOLICITORS AND ADVOCATES OF THE SUPREME
COURT OF ENGLAND AND LEGAL CONSULTANTS
NO. OLD 10A/NEW , OFF GRADE ROAD,BECKS,ENGLAND
OUR REF�TAC/OSA/4699/04 DATE:11-2-2005

YOUR REF��

TO: Molly Ringwald

Dear Madam,

This chamber writes to inquire what the situation is
with you. We would want you to always keep us
informed because issues relating to your matter will
be closely monitored, Do contact me as soon as you
get this correspondence, so that I will be well
informed why you are delaying in responding to my
correspondence to you.

I will need to have some information from you
so that i can add it to your file for verification purpose
from the federal high court and the bank which include:
1. Full name
2. Gender
3. contact address
4. occupation
5. age

6. Provide anyform of identity pasport photogragh
to add to your file which will be scan and send via email attachment.

7. western union payment Slip

which information will be brought to you in details.

This chamber have finish verification from mrs stella
sigcau and started preparation from this chambers
and the federal high court of justice and i will give
you a brief of all the documents to be prepared,
the list are below.

1. letter of authorization.
2. letter of probate/administration.
3. letter of will
4. letter of testamentary/death certificate
5. afidavit of next of kin.
6. letter of agreement
7. marriage certificate of Mr & Mrs Alan Sigcau

These chamber will prepare some of this documents
which is not available and convey the documents to
the high court of justice for signing and logistic and
duly stamped for approval by the high court for final
release once the bank receive the documents from
you which will be couriered to you in your country,all
documents will be sign at the high court and this
chamber will arrange all when it have been prepared
and sent to you and also you will recieved but firstly
you are to register you file with an administrative
fee and the bill of total cost is under extimate by
this chambers, this conduct is under sectnion 2 of
the foreign endorsement law which was amended in
1994 in the federal high court.

I have carefully read your mail and all the content in it
God will use you to bring goodthing to your family but i will
want you to write to stella what you want to use the money
for, and as a legal adviser i will assure you that this will not
go behold us because as a good fearing man i will not want to
do any thing that will make sure good intention should be delayed.

This chamber believes in good and constant affinity
between the lawyer and the client. It is a policy
here to pine for and win new laurels each day. This
feat can only be well attained when the lawyer and
the client cooperates; hence you are urged to abide
by the tenets of the of this chambers policy.

I will anticipate your prompt response to this mail.
after this correspondence legal paper work will start
immediately, i want you to give me a call immediately
my direct mobile is +44-70-4011-2564

On behalf of Tafa, Abalaco & CO, I restore
confidence in you of excellent legal service.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully,

Tafa Abala, Esq. (S.A.N.)

Quote:

Bannister Taffy Abalala:

I got your email! Here is the information that you requested:

1) Molly Mangina Ringwald
2) FEMALE
3) 69 Hershey Highway, Chingatumadre California 90210
4) Muff Diver
5) 32 years old

6&7) What is "Western Union?" and why would I have a payment slip from them? Also, what kind of ID do you need? Please explain.

I will also write Stella immediately. Please pray for her too.

Molly ringwald

...and so it continues!!!

Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 4:17 am

Great abuse, it must be so fun to let them have it! Many excellent lines, but in particular I liked "However, my financial advisor, Mr. Jar-Jar Binks thinks its a good idea to send all my private account information to a total stranger in africa, so I think he may have a point." This really sums up the 419 problem in a nutshell.

Keep up the good work, and post your updates!

Posted: Sat Feb 12, 2005 6:54 am

Pure poetry of insult sir, with just a touch of the backhanded slap. I find myself in great anticipation as to what you may have in store for the solicitors. Laughing

Buzzy

Posted: Sat Feb 19, 2005 6:16 am

The saga of Stella continues. I have to yell Stella in every email as a nod to Tennessee Williams. Watch the magic unfold!

Quote:

TAFAR ABALACO & CO
SOLICITORS AND ADVOCATES OF THE SUPREME
COURT OF ENGLAND AND LEGAL CONSULTANTS
NO. OLD 10A/NEW , OFF GRADE ROAD,BECKS,ENGLAND

OUR REF�TAC/OSA/4699/04 DATE:12-2-2005

YOUR REF��

TO: Molly Mangina Ringwald

RE: LEGAL REPRESENTATION

Dear Madam,

Sequel to the above captioned, I hereby Refer

Our Findings have confirmed the authenticity of you being the next of kin of late Mr Alan Sigcau and my chamber have been contacted to provide with the necessary legal documentation

Which will back up your claims, when the bank commence transfer to you.

This chamber write you to know the situation with you,I have received your mail and read the content in it,do endevour to call me today as i will be in the judicial here
to seek release and approval of the documents i have to claim here before i travel to west africa to get the documents from the relevant offices that Mr Alan sigcau have worked.

But i will inform you when i get there when you call me in london today,but i have verify from associate chamber and i have been confirm on the laws

This chamber Have given you a bill of total cost and want And will explain to you why the bill is presented This bill of cost contains everything that will be done for you here at the federal high court of justice which include signing and logistic,administrative charge,DHL courier service charge. and this will be paid in the western union money transfer nearest to you.

1.signing and logistic $ 180
2.DHL courier service charge $ 120
3.Administrative charge $ 95

TOTAL $ 395

PAYMENT MODE

SENDERS NAME
RECEIVERS NAME: PAUL OSAGIE
DESTINATION: NIGERIA
CONTROL NUMBER :
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT IS THE COLOUR OF LOVE
TEXT ANSWER: BLUE

YOU ARE ADVICE TO USE THIS PAYMENT MODE TO PAY THE FEE SO THAT I CAN SECURE ALL THE DOCUMENTS AND SEND YOU THE COURIER VIA DHL SERVICES OK.

THE ABOVE STATED REQUIREMENTS ARE STATUTORY AND MANDATORY.

UPON RECEIPT OF THE REQUIREMENTS AND A COPY OF THE PAYMENT SLIP OF US$395.00 BEING THE BILL OF COST FOR LOGISTICS, ADMINISTRATION AND SIGNING OF THE DOCUMENTS AT THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT ,WE SHALL IMMEDIATELY PROCEED TO ACT ON YOUR BRIEF AS STIPULATED IN SECTION 1 (ii)OF THE FOREIGN ENDORSMENT ACT AS AMENDED IN 1994.

YOU ARE EXPECTED TO PAY LEGAL PRACTITIONER FEE TO MY CHAMBERS FOR THE BILL OF COST TO THE CHAMBERS ACCOUNTANT WHO IS MR PAUL OSAGIE YOUR PAYMENT SHOULD BE VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER .

YOU ARE ADVICE TO SCAN AND SEND YOUR PAYMENT SLIP VIA EMAIL ATTACHMENT FOR PAPER WORK TO START AND PRESENT TO YOU VIA COURIER.

Call me now so that i can give you a brief, i am very busy here now with your works ok.

I will anticipate your prompt response to this mail. i want you to give me a call immediately.
just use this number is it is writen here it will +44-70-40-112564.

On behalf of Tafa, Abalaco & CO, I restore confidence in you of excellent legal service.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully,

Tafa Abala, Esq. (S.A.N.)

Quote:

Dear Sister in christ,

I give you life unending With wishes complimenting All that you are planning Within this life enchanting That sorrows of tomorrow Are tears that will be borrowed Shared with all we treasure By love we cannot measure Sunshine in your morning Softness in each dawning Fields of flowers bowing Love that's overpowering Essence in the presence Of all that's luminescence All these wishes granted As toast to life be answered.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God.

Remain Blessed
Mrs stella sigcau

Has ol' lard-ass not yet figured out that I am a Jewish woman? Jeez!!!

Quote:

STELLLLLAAAA!

You have wonderful words of inspiration there, Stella. Its like something straight out of the Precious Moments Cathedral, which I highly reccomend that you visit when you get out of the hospital. Stella, the depth of your spirituality is only matched by the pendulousness of your bosoms. May you remain ever blessed!

Please let me know how the treatments are going for your dire medical condition. Remember that if your body is a temple, then it is clear that you worship at the altar of Little Debbie and fried chicken. I'm no physician, but I have to wonder if we can substitute the telltale tickle of tapeworms for regular exercise as a way to burn the calories down. Many people have lost weight and gotten fit through the time proven modality of undercooked pork.

Also, your lawyer, Bannister Laffy Taffy, had requested $395 for his services. Hopefully I will see the money soon!

I wish you much love and warm discharges!
Molly

Quote:

DEAR SISTER IN FAITH,

HOW IS YOUR FAITH IN GOD DID YOU GO TO CHURCH ON SUNDAY,

YOU HAVE DONE WELL TO MAKE POSSIBLE CONTACT WITH THE LAWYER THAT SHOWS THAT YOU WILL GET THE MONEY SOON.

I WILL GET BACK TO YOU ALWAYS KEEP ME INFORMED.

REMAIN BLESSED

...oh, for the love of crap. Ok, guess I'm Christian all of a sudden. Oy vay!

Quote:

TAFAR, ABALACO & CO
SOLICITORS AND ADVOCATES OF THE SUPREME
COURT OF ENGLAND AND LEGAL CONSULTANTS
NO. OLD 10A/NEW , OFF GRADE ROAD,BECKS,ENGLAND

OUR REF…TAC/OSA/4699/04 DATE: 14-2-2005
YOUR REF…………………………

Dear Client,

This chamber writes to inquire what the situation is
with you. We would want you to always keep us
informed because issues relating to your matter will
be closely monitored, Do contact me as soon as you
get this correspondence, so that I will be well
informed why you are delaying in responding to my
correspondence to you.

we have secure the documents from our chamber and
have convey it to the high court of justice, the high court
needs to finalise that you are the beneficiary of the funds
and which the you have to secure the payment to in the
western union money transfer so that they will see the
payemnt slip from you directly which is one of the procedures
according to the law here to get the papers sign and stamp
at the high court for logistic support do not make any delay
to make this payment in the mode i have given to you by
this chamber so that we can process with the bank contact
and transfer to you.

I will anticipate your prompt response to this mail.
after this correspondence legal paper work will start
immediately, i want you to give me a call immediately
my direct mobile is +44-70-4011-2564

On behalf of Tafa, Abalaco & CO, I restore
confidence in you of excellent legal service.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully,

Tafa Abala, Esq. (S.A.N.)

Yeah, I was just beside myself with worry that I wouldn't hear from the barrister again. Let's see, I have a family, friends, and a job that I love. All these things take a higher priority than killing myself for you, f***tard!!

Quote:

STELLLAAAA!!!

Yes, Stella I did go to church on Sunday! How delightful of you to ask. I am so glad to read your poetry, and I am also very proud of your ability to hold up at least five of your eight chins proudly while you undergo your treatments. It is good that I recieve your poetry over email and not on paper with Krispy Kreme and fried chicken stains all over them.

Here is some poetry I have been working on:

So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin' workout tapes by Fonda
But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sista, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!

Its not totally complete yet, but I think is has potential. Also, I will be calling the lawyer later today!

Wishing you many polyunsaturateds!
Molly

Seriously, get your hanky out for this next feel-good tear jerker from Stella. Its like hearing Ave Maria played on a banjo with backup from a kazoo.

Quote:

Dear Sister in christ,

How are you and life generally, what is your contact with the lawyer, and please inform me when you are to make the contact with the bank and make claim of the money to start to charity project,

what about the lawyer have you paid him the money you said you will gather just keep me informed.

Hear what God says: If I answer your prayer at once, it is because am testing your faith. If I did not answer your prayer at once, it is because am testing your patience. If I did not answer your prayer at all it is because I have a better plan for you. Remember God's promises are yes and Amen! He is God not man, which explains why He can never fail, hold on, don't be discouraged, your miracle is knocking at the door of your heart. A little more faith is what you need to see all your needs met. The Prayer Answering God is saying He has met all your needs. Send this to all your pals out there, and you'll see how God will respond speedily to your needs. Thanks for continuing this circle of prayer and word of encouragement , may God richly bless u.

Dreams are a big part of our Lives and You must do whatever it takes to make them a Reality; by the plans you make, the course you take, and the things you do. Don't dwell on past mistakes. Leave yesterday behind, along with all it's problems, worries and doubts. Realize you can't change the past, but you can start a new tomorrow. Don't try to do everything at once; take one step at a time, Don't ever be afraid to try the Impossible no matter what others may think. Remember you are Unique in your own special way. Don't ever stop Dreaming! Don't ever stop wanting what's right for you!

Remain Blessed
Mrs stella sigcau

Quote:

STELLLLLAAAA!!!!

Dear sister in Chris! My life is going just
wonderfully! I got back from the hospital with
wonderful news! Im going to be having twins in
September. Now all that is left is to narrow down who
the possible father is, but I did call
800-WHO-YO-DADDY, and they should be able to sort it
all out after I give them semen samples.

Anyway, Stella, I am so pumped up with this great news
that I am going to start smoking again and taking
Thalidomide to help with the morning sickness. Heres a
poem I wrote about my feelings:

Yo Vanilla kick it one time boy
Yo VIP lets kick it

Ice ice baby
Ice ice baby
All right stop collaborate and listen
Ice is back with my brand new invention
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly
Will it ever stop yo I dont know
Turn off the lights and Ill glow
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle
Dance go rush to the speaker that booms
Im killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly when I play a dope melody
Anything less than the best is a felony
Love it or leave it you better gain weight
You better hit bulls eye the kid dont play
If there was a problem yo Ill solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Ice ice baby
Vanilla Ice, ice baby
Vanilla Ice, ice baby
Vanilla Ice, ice baby
Vanilla

Now that the party is jumping
With the bass kicked in and the vegas are pumpin
Quick to the point to the point no faking
Im cooking MCs like a pound of bacon
Burning them if you aint quick and nimble
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
And a hi-hat with a souped up tempo
Im on a roll and its time to go solo
Rollin in my 5.0
With my rap-top down so my hair can blow
The girlies on standby waving just to say hi
Did you stop no I just drove by
Kept on pursuing to the next stop
I busted a left and Im heading to the next block
The block was dead
Yo so I continued to A1A Beachfront Avenue
Girls were hot wearing less than bikinis
Rockman lovers driving Lamborghinis
Jealous cause Im out getting mine
Shay with a guage and Vanilla with a nine
Ready for the chumps on the wall
The chumps acting ill because theyre so full of eight
balls
Gunshots rang out like a bell
I grabbed my nine all I heard were shells
Falling on the concrete real fast
Jumped in my car slammed on the gas
Bumpet to bumper the avenues packed
Im trying to get away before the jackers jack
Police on the scene you know what I mean
They passed me up confronted all the dope fiends
If there was a problem yo Ill solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

Ice ice baby
Vanilla Ice, ice baby
Vanilla Ice, ice baby
Vanilla Ice, ice baby
Vanilla

Take heed cause Im a lyrical poet
Miamis on the scene just in case you didnt know it
My town that created all the bass sound
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground
Cause my styles like a chemical spill
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel
Conducted and formed
This is a hell of a concept
We make it hype and you want to step with this
Shay plays on the fade slice like a ninja
Cut like a razor blade so fast other DJs say damn
If my rhyme was a drug Id sell it by the gram
Keep my composure when its time to get loose
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice
If there was a problem yo Ill solve it
Check out the hook while D Shay revolves it

Ice ice baby
Vanilla Ice, ice baby
Vanilla Ice, ice baby
Vanilla Ice, ice baby
Vanilla Ice
Yo man lets get out of here
Word to your mother
Ice ice baby too cold
Ice ice baby too cold, too cold
Ice ice baby too cold
Ice ice baby too cold, too cold

Remain always blessed by the forces of Mordor!
Molly

time to check in with Laffy Taffy

Quote:

Bannister Laffy Taffy:

I haven't heard from your orifice at all this week! When will I hear from your orifice about my money that Stella Segway has?

Molly ringwald

The WU thing may not go as smoothly as planned, my dear Taffy. Twisted Evil

Quote:

Dear Molly Mangina Ringwald ,

Sequel to the above captioned, I hereby Refer

Our Findings have confirmed the authenticity of you being the next of kin of late Mr Alan Sigcau and my chamber have complete the documents that will back up your claims are all documents listed to you are in this chamber.

I am now in west africa and i am happy with the condition with the documents here so you just have to pay the money as in the mode i gave you so that we can get the bank contact to claim your money.

This is in regards of your mail, i did not mean not to send you mail but i just arrive here and i have seen the arrangement and also i am expecting to get the scan copy of the payment slip so that i can commence and sign and stamp from the high court and also the DHL courier company to send the documents to you and the bank.

This chamber Have given you a bill of total cost and want And will explain to you why the bill is presented This bill of cost contains everything that will be done for you here at the federal high court of justice which include signing and logistic,administrative charge,DHL courier service charge. and this will be paid in the western union money transfer nearest to you.

1.signing and logistic $ 180
2.DHL courier service charge $ 120
3.Administrative charge $ 95

TOTAL $ 395

PAYMENT MODE

SENDERS NAME: Molly Ringwald

RECEIVERS NAME: Paul Osagie

DESTINATION: NIGERIA
CONTROL NUMBER :
TEXT QUESTION: WHAT IS THE COLOUR OF LOVE
TEXT ANSWER: BLUE

YOU ARE ADVICE TO USE THIS PAYMENT MODE TO PAY THE FEE SO THAT I CAN SECURE ALL THE DOCUMENTS AND SEND YOU THE COURIER VIA DHL SERVICES OK.

THE ABOVE STATED REQUIREMENTS ARE STATUTORY AND MANDATORY.

UPON RECEIPT OF THE REQUIREMENTS AND A COPY OF THE PAYMENT SLIP OF US$395.00 BEING THE BILL OF COST FOR LOGISTICS, ADMINISTRATION AND SIGNING OF THE DOCUMENTS AT THE FEDERAL HIGH COURT ,WE SHALL IMMEDIATELY PROCEED TO ACT ON YOUR BRIEF AS STIPULATED IN SECTION 1 (ii)OF THE FOREIGN ENDORSMENT ACT AS AMENDED IN 1994.

YOU ARE EXPECTED TO PAY LEGAL PRACTITIONER FEE TO MY CHAMBERS FOR THE BILL OF COST TO THE CHAMBERS ACCOUNTANT WHO IS MR PAUL OSAGIE YOUR PAYMENT SHOULD BE VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER .

YOU ARE ADVICE TO SCAN AND SEND YOUR PAYMENT SLIP VIA EMAIL ATTACHMENT FOR PAPER WORK TO START AND PRESENT TO YOU VIA COURIER.

On behalf of Tafa, Abalaco & CO, I restore confidence in you of excellent legal service.

Thank you.

Yours faithfully,

Tafa Abala, Esq. (S.A.N.)

What is the color of love? What the hell kind of question is that? Besides, the answer is, of course, brown.

Quote:

DEAR SISTER IN CHRIST,

YOU MAIL DID TOUCH MY HEART AND I KNOW YOU WILL NOT FAIL ME OR GOD WHO HAVE GIVEN US THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SERVE HIM IN GOOD FAITH.

I AM NOT TOO WELL RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I HAVE DONE THE OPERATION WHICH WAS SUCESSFULL BUT I AM VERY WEAK AND ALSO BECAUSE OF MY STROKE SO I AM ALWAYS ON MY SICK BED JUST TODAY MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SISTER JOYCE HAVE TO TAKE A LAPTOP FROM THE DOCTOR SO THAT I CAN ACCESS YOUR MAIL AND SEND YOU ALSO IT TOOK ME LONG TIME TO TYPE THIS AND ALSO MY FAMILY PEOPLE ARE NOT ARROUND TODAY SO I AM FREE TO TELL YOU MY MIND.

I HAVE PUT ALL MY TRUST IN YOU SO DO NOT FAIL THIS CHARITY WORK FOR THE PURPOSE OF GOD NAME ON IT, JUST MAKE SURE WHEN THE MONEY GET TO YOU, YOU DID NOT USE IT FOR ANY OTHER BUT FOR THE PURPOSE OF CHARITY TO HELP PEOPLE ALSO THE LAWYER WILL ASSIST YOU WITH THE 80% SO THAT YOU WILL NOT HAVE PROBLEM HE WILL BE WITH YOU IN YOUR COUNTRY WHEN THE MONEY GET TO YOU.

DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL HER NOW OK.

REMAIN BLESSED
MRS STELLA SIGCAU

huh? I'm supposed to spend the money on charity? WTF is that crap? That money is going straight to the Larry Flynt Fund For A New BMW and Lap Dances At The Tittie Bars! (Please make all checks payable to LFFFANBMWALDATTB)

Quote:

SSSTTEEEELLLLLAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

I am delighted to hear that your liposuction went well. I'm sure there was enough removed to light your village oil-lamps for years. Stella, now is the time to look forward and not back. You may have eaten a whole stick of butter for a snack in the past, but we are talking about the new made over Stella! I didnt know you had a stroke! that is simply awful... who did you stroke? I hope not yourself because the risk of blindness and hairy palms is far too great.

Stella, I wrote this poem especially for you, now that you will never again have to deal with uneaten food stuck beneath your many rolls of skin. Stella, you really are the wind beneath my wings.

I remember all my life
raining down as cold as ice.
Shadows of a man,
a face through a window cryin' in the night,
the night goes into

Morning just another day;
happy people pass my way.
Looking in their eyes,
I see a memory I never realized
how happy you made me.

Oh Stella well,
you came and you gave without taking,
but I sent you away.
Oh, Stella well,
kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
and I need you today. Oh, Stella!

I'm standing on the edge of time;
I walked away when love was mine.
Caught up in a world of uphill climbing,
the tears are in my mind
and nothin' is rhyming.

Oh Stella well,
you came and you gave without taking,
but I sent you away.
Oh, Stella well,
kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
and I need you today. Oh, Stella !

Yesterday's a dream, I face the morning
cryin' out of breath, the pain is callin'

Oh Stella well,
you came and you gave without taking,
but I sent you away.
Oh, Stella well,
kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
and I need you today

Oh Stella well,
you came and you gave without taking,
but I sent you away.
Oh, Stella well,
kissed me and stopped me from shaking,
and I need you!

to add insult to injury, the Barry Manilow lyrics website I pulled that off of tried to install about 3 spywarez and a trojan (and not the fun latex kind either!!) before McAfee kicked it in the balls. Oh well, such is the life of a baiter!

Posted: Tue Feb 22, 2005 6:27 am

Now I have seen it all, Vanilla Ice and Sir Mixalot in the one bait. Just need some White Zombie somewhere in there and you're complete Very Happy

_________________
West Nile Virus Forum

Posted: Wed Feb 23, 2005 9:35 pm

The lawyer's instructions weren't so clear. Or maybe they were. I wasn't really paying attention.

Quote:

Bannister Laffy Taffy:

I'm even more confused now. Do you want me to send the money right away? And what in tarnation is "Western Union"? I have never even heard of this place. In the past, I have always sent money via MoneyGram and it has been reliable and 100% risky free.

Please let me know!
Molly Ringwald

Quote:

Dear Molly Ringwald,

How are you i just received your mail and read all the content in it.

There is nothing to be confuse about it is just that you have not hear about western union money transfer which is everywhere in your country, individually you did not indicate your state or origin i should have directed you to where in your state locality you can find the services to pay, also you can use the money gram services because it is also safe reliable and fast there and immediately you pay please indicate your payment information slip in other for this chamber to claim in the verification information which payment will remain the same as western union payment status brought to you.

You are advice to pay immediately you received this mail so that this chamber can act fast to the bill of cost from the federal high court for singing logistic support and courier charges and recommend to give you the bank contact to finalise to transfer to your account or activate a new account in the bank where the money is been deposited.

I await your favourable reply and kind response that will generate success to the charity foundation implementation by God children.

Provide the payment slip in your reply to this mail, God bless You and regards to your family.

On behalf of tafa abalaco & co i wish you the best of luck and my excellent and legal services.

Thanks
Barrister Tafa Abala Esq.

Wow! His services are not only excellent, but legal too! I had no idea that Western Unions were all over my country (Upper Felchistan), but it looks like Moneygram is going to work just fine. Twisted Evil

Let's see how he handles a few obvious questions...

Quote:

Bannister Taffy:

Thank you for the update. However, all you provided me with was a destination country (Nigeria). I thought you were based in England? And Nigeria is a large country. What city are you in? Can you at least give me an address? I need a little reach around from you here.

Molly Ringwald

Quote:

Dear molly,

I have received your mail.

I am in london but i have to travel to nigeria to get the documents because mr alan sigcau have work there for some time, so that was why you are to pay in the information brought to you ok.

The destination will be lagos state, but incase you need a address i will give you you can filled this address on the senders copy of the payment slip

NO 3 alaba road
ikeja,lagos state.

I await your payment SLip to give you bank contact and courier sent to you.

THANKS
ABALA

Now we know where to target the next daisy-cutter drop.

Quote:

Bannister Taffy:

I have sent the amount of $399 to the Moneygram located in:

United Bank For Africa
LAGOS BYE PASS, OKE-ADO
IBADAN, NIGERIA

I know that isn't the town you originally asked for, but my moneygram office said that they have had many problems with the locations in Western Nigeria, since apparently that region is famous for fraudulent activities. If I had sent it to Ikea, it would have taken 4-6 weeks due to security processing but there is no such problem with that other town! Hope this isn't too much of a problem.

thanks for everything you have done for me so far. your help is really appreciated!
Molly ringwald

Oh crap! That IS far! Whoopsies! Twisted Evil

Happily, Bannister Laffy Taffy is willing to endure my bungling.

Quote:

Dear Client,

How are you i just received your mail but i have not verify from the locxal office here because you did not send to this chamber the senders copy you use to send the money to that necessary verification can be done here from the office.

And you are suppose to use a senders name of paul osagie. this chamber is awaiting your senders copy of from the money gram office so that we can do the pick up and commencement of your bank contact immediately we have pick up the money and use for the purpose which is is mearnt for i will travel back to united kingdom by then you will start contact with the bank.

Reply immediately with the payment information probably scan and send the senders copy to thsi chamber now ok.

Thanks
Mr abala

I'm really stupid. Because of this, he generously sent the prior email twice, and then followed up 30 minutes later with this gem.

Quote:

Dear Client,

How are you and everything in general i just received your mail.

Thank you for the payment but i want you to send to this chamber the senders copy of the payment slip so that our account officer in the chamber can verify from the local money gram office, with out the sender copy we can not pick up the money to commence with your documents signing and stamping to get the DHl courier services to send the documents to the bank and you.

Remembre the senders name remain Mr paul Osagie and immedaitely all modalities are in place i will travel back to united kingdom and wait for you to contact the bank so that you can make claim of the funds for charity project implementation

Immediately this chamber will give you the bank contact so that you can contact them on transfer process,Scan and send now the sender copy of the slip of payment to this chamber immediately for verification.

On behalf of Tafa Abalaco & co i wish you the best of luck and my excellent and legal services

Thank

Quote:

Bannister Taffy:

Here is the scan of the payment slip like you asked. I hope this helps, let me know if you need anything else at all.

Also, please try to contact Stella Sigmoid. I haven't heard from her in days, and I hope she is doing well after her extensive colonic treatments.

Sincerely,
Molly Ringwald

> ATTACHMENT part 2 image/jpeg name=Pay_Slip.jpg

Whoops! Although the attachment is listed, unbelievably, nothing actually got attached! This is turning into quite a perplexing mystery! Stay tuned!

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 6:20 pm

When we left off on Wednesday, Stella had not been heard from because of her extensive treatments. However, all is not dark in the land of Stella, because the Law Chambers have their payment on the way! ...or DO they?????

Quote:

Dear Molly Ringwald,

How are you this chamber have received your mail But i did not received your senders copy of the payment slip from the UBA money gram please you are advice to send the slip to this chamber to [email protected] or [email protected] .

Just attach the payment slip and send it again to this mail maybe you did not attach it right now so do it again and send it to me imediately you received this mail so that necessary paper work can be done and pick up of the money from the UBA money gram office to the federal high court of justtice.

I have not heard from madam stella sigcau either you are to contact her now you know her situation is very bad so she can not contact you al the time i guess so just try and keep her updated with the informations.

THANKS
Barrister Abala

Hmmm. A thousand things could have gone wrong. To supply the desperately needed information, I find an old pdf file of one of my kids' Lego set instructions and change it to a .tif. Did I also mention it is 7Mb big?

Quote:

Bannister Taffy:

It is very strange that you did not receive the payment slip in the last email. As a precaution, I have rescanned the slip and attached it starting from scratch. Please let me know that you have received it ok.

I will continue to try and contact Stella. Her sudden lack of communication is most perplexing; I hope her unfortunate condition hasn't taken a turn for the worse over the past several hours. She didn't happen to have AIDS did she? I have read that AIDS is very popular in Africa right now. That is a tough way to learn not to share heroin needles if you ask me.

thanks a million for your excellent legal work!

Molly

Something is very wrong here! Stella has sent me a letter, but is it MY Stella? I think I'll let the girls hash it out for themselves.

Quote:

STELLA!!!

It is so good to finally hear from you! I take it the colonic treatments finally got you fully disimpacted! That is most welcome news, Stella. But I must admit, I am very confused as to why you are sending this most queer email from a diffrent email address than I typically contact you with! Stella, are you going to be ok?

Please put my mind at ease, becuase I am beginning to think that all is not 100% risky free.

Molly Ringwald

MRSSTELLASIG <[email protected]> wrote:
Dear Friend,
I am contacting you to front as a co-owner of my late
husband's company and beneficiary of funds
(US$25,000,000.00)due the company.
I am currently a high ranking government official in
the ruling cabinet of President Thabo Mbeki (South
Africa). I am a widow and mother of two children.My
late husband Mr Ronald Tshabalala died 1996.
After his death, I recently discovered that an
over-invoiced proceeds of a contract I helped his
company secured is yet to be paid out by the Reserve
Bank of South Africa.
This funds emanated as a result of an over-invoiced

__________________________________________________

For the sake of my fans (both of you), I certainly hope that the best is yet to come!

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 6:51 pm

Help!!!

I can't stop laughing!

It's starting to hurt!

Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 9:02 pm

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE
Stella's baaaaaack! I guess the dual email trick caught her attention. She remains as inarticulate as ever.

Quote:

Dear Madam

I am receiveing treatment i just read your mail now for days i have not check from the hospital since i have an opportunity to get a laptop i just did reply you i will write you again but i must tell you that anything you see other than my mail you know that my family members,

I will get back to you please do endevour to get ful contact with the lawyer and collect the bank contact for transfer to you ok.

Remain blessed
Mrs stella sigcau

Quote:

Bannister Taffy:

Have you received your money yet? I checked with Moneygram today, and they told me nobody has claimed it yet!

Also, I heard from Stella today. She is still recieving treatments, so apparently she isn't as disimpacted as we initally assumed. Perhaps the doctors will have to disimpact her manually, if they have retractors big enough for her mud flaps and enough KY jelly.

Let me know the status!
Molly Ringwald

I am beside myself with joy that I have heard from dear little Stella again.

Quote:

STEEEELLLLLAAAAA!!!!

Thank God above that I finally heard from you! Its good that you finally got the opportunity to have a lapdance in between your cystic acne treatments. Did they get you disimpacted? That reminds me of the story of the optimistic little boy who was locked in a room full of horse squeeze. He began digging and said "with all this feces, there has to be a pony in there somewhere!" I begin to understand what he meant, Stella. He was talking about the baloney pony! Just promise me that you won't take a step backwards and actually eat the pony, Stella. After all you have gone through, that would be miserable.

Stella, have you considered the Cortislim lifestyle? The Cortislim lifestyle, along with diet and exercise, is an all-natural way to lose weight. But then again, so are tapeworms and cholera. And as far as diet, you may have to cut back on the bushmeat to maintain your svelte BMI of 52.

I did hear from the lawyer, and I sent to money to him through Moneygram, but I haven't heard anything back from him yet. Hopefully nothing bad happened to him, but I have heard that cannibalism is a spreading problem in Nigeria.

With warmest prayers on your behalf to Morgoth!
Molly

Posted: Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:53 pm

The fun never seems to end with Stella and her hapless Barrister!

Quote:

Dear Molly ringwald,

How are you i have tried to open the payment slip here and i could not see the informations to go ahead and claim the fee to get the documents, also i taught that it is the mode you have use to send it that is why i could not pen here so now for easy pick up from here please indicate the payment informations via email so that first i will allow my acount officer Mr paul Osagie to pick up the money and so then i will proceed for now there is nothing i can do to make this work very fast with out the informations, i must say i am very sorry for the delay but i know you understand and will be with me untill the end of this effort to get the informations correct.

Just send now all the information stated on the payment slip so that i can make necessary arrangement to claim the money tomorrow please do that now ok.
it is good that you have heard from madam stella sigcau and her situation, excercise patient and we will get further very soon ok.

I hope to her from you very urgent.

Do endevour to indicate the payment informations as it was done from your side.

Thanks
Barristter Abala

More of Stella's garbled stream-of-conciousness verbal diarrhea. Almost painful to read.

Quote:

Dear Molly,

How are you i have read your mail and also i taught you are good for this position God have put you although some time i could not get your mail to a better understanding but i Beleive that things will work out well for you and me when we see each other in south africa.

Do not forget that you and the lawyer will see and go to the bank together if necessary before you will come and see me by that time you must have cleared the money with the lawyer, i always pray for God guidance for you and your family, and i pray for God to grant the lawyer a great stay in nigeria before he goes back to England where my husband and him did have contact before he died, the lawyer is a good man and will work to ensure a speedy transfer to you.

God Bless U.
Remain Blessed
Mrs stella sigcau

Quote:

Bannister Laffy Taffy:

Sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner. My cousin Cletus was bitten by a one-eyed Alabama trouser snake this weekend, and is recovering in the Hospital after I had to suck the venom out of the bite. I sent the payment with the control number of 4867853189, the question is: I slept with, answer: my sister.

Please let me know if this helps!
Many Blessings and Uncutous sincerity
Molly Ringwald

Stella's idiot logic deserves a thoroughly twisted response.

Quote:

SSTTEELLLLAAAA!!

I can't wait to go to south Africa and see you! Do they have monkeys in Africa? If so, are you allowed to touch them? The only place in America where you can see a monkey is in the zoo, and you are not allowed to touch them. Please, I would very much like to touch your monkey. If I had a monkey, would you touch mine?

How are the treatments? Is your sphincter as tight as a bass drum yet after all those colonics? Would you like to ride my baloney pony? I have prayed many times for you throughout this wonderful transaction. I have prayed to Morgoth, and made sacrifices to the Nazgul on your behalf. That reminds me, did you ever find the precious? I hope the filthy hobbitses did not steal it from us!

I also play music, Stella. I play the skin flute as often as possible. When we meet you, would you like to play my skin flute?

Many blessings!
Molly

Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 3:37 am

The hilarity continues! things have been quiet, so its time to poke the barrister with a stick and see if he's still alive.

Quote:

Bannister Taffa:

I haven't heard from you in several days! Did you get the payment? When will I see Stella's money in my account? Please contact me as soon as you can, for I am greatly worried about the outcome of our mutally beneficial transaction!

Molly

Quote:

Dear sister in christ,

how are you i have read you mail.

I am very sorry for my last response to you but i know you will understand that my situation is not helping matters to make ne read mail all the time but i did have a mail from the laywre and told me that you paid some money but he could not received the money and he have left africa and go back to London but today he will arrive again to continue with your process that that was because of the delay you did to bring the payment informations.

Please contact the lawyer now and ask him if he can recieved the money again please i hear that there was some delay and i was not happy because i know if the bank see that the documents are prepared in your name there will be no delay to transfer the money or even open an account on your name in the bank there.

Contact the lawyer nowe i am not in a right state of mind i am very ill and my doctor have been very helpfull in my treatment how is your family over there in alabama please send your phone number to the lawyer or call him now i please explain why he could not receive the money which was sent by you and he said on mail that you use money gram why not westren union money transfer which is very easy and safe.

I will await to hear your kind response to my mail as i am very prayerfull here about this issue.

Bye for now and God bless.
Remain blessed.
Mrs stela sigcau

Um.... Stella? Do I detect a bit of uppity-ness in your tone? I obviously need to remind her which side her bread is buttered on.

Quote:

Dear client,

How is life with you, i did not pick up the money because i told you that i will be traveling to england to continue with some other cleint which cases are in court there,well i am now back in africa and i want you to pick up your money and resend it in the name of Mr paul osagie please do that immediately and call me so that i will inform me assistance account officer to pick the money up so that i can convey the documents to the high court with the payment slip for signing and stamping.

And i want to tell you that you are to pay through western union money transfer, i must say i am very sorry for the delay but it was not my fault in the sense thast like you know i travel here because of this issue as a diplomat i have many cleint so i have to meet up to the requirement of my cleint so it was because of my christian in nature that i did take this stella sigcau issue personal.

I have assure you that as soon as i did received the money i will proceed in geting the banbk informations and i will send them the documents via DHL courier and also send you them you will get fast response from the bank on transfer process.

Just call me now my dorect Mobile here is +234-803-4420597. i iawait your call and payment informations please do not forget the senders name will be mr paul osagie.

London, Nigeria, whatever. Too hard to keep up with the mugu jet-set.

Quote:

Dear Stella!

How are you this fine day? Look, if I want any lip from you, I'll wipe it off my zipper. Your lawyer said that Moneygram was a perfectly fine modality for sending money, and we totally agreed to send it in that fashion. I have never even heard of Western Union before now, but from what I've read in Consumer Reports, Field & Stream, and Barely Legal, they really suck dog ass.

I really would appreciate a little less sass mouth out of your morbidly obese fatbody. I know what I am doing, and it isn't going to help one damn bit for you to kibbutz and Monday morning quarterback me while you stuff Ho-Ho's down your bloated pie hole.

I am glad to hear that your treatments are progressing well! What was it that you suffer from again? did you get that gastric bypass surgery that I told you about? Maybe they could lop off the candida-infected pannus that hangs down over your thighs while they are at it!

Remain ever blessed,
Molly ringwald

Quote:

Bannister Laffy Taffy

I sent the money via Moneygram to Paul Osukie like you instructed. Again, I remind you that I sent the payment with the control number of 4867853189, the question is: I slept with, answer: my sister.

That should be enough for your obsequious lackey to retrieve your funds. Let me know when you get it!

Thanks for your excellent legal assisstance!
Molly Ringwald

My MTCN was expertly generated by closing my eyes and jabbing at the number pad on my keyboard. I had to edit out a few + . *'s before sending the final polished product.

Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 7:42 pm

More of our witty banter.

Quote:

Dear sister,

How are you i have read your mail.

well i am really getting better on the stroke the doctor says but for Cancer of oesephagael is not that easy because it is eating be badly, how is life with you just try now and work with the attorney so that things get better he have promise that if he can recived the money to process work then by monday you will hear from the bank just make things clear ok.

i will get back to you, make sure you pray hard God has done it for us all.

Regards and God bless you.
mrs stella sigcau

Stella, your pain is funny. Laughing

Quote:

Dear Mrs molly ringwald,

How are you and everything in general hope your are doing great there in alabama.

first i must solicit and say i am very sorry for the delay to receive the funds here secondly the informations is not properly correct because the receivers Name is Paul Osagie not Paul Osukie, so please Madam i will advice you to go back to the money gram office and pick up the money immediately and resend it with the right informations brought to you by this chamber.

I want you to know that you are suppose to send the payment slip via microsoft paint so that i can open it here like you know the payment slip sent to this chamber earlier on can not be opened here so just try and use a soft ware that we can also use to view it here so that we can carry in along to the high court for legal representation and signing process. you have done well with your fast responds to this chamber so i must assure you that this chamber will get all modalities in place for you with the documents here with me i have to convey the documents to the high court i about 2 hours time from now so you are advice to resend the payment again in the right process and receivers name so that we will not have any more delay or mistake to get the money from here.

Further more the bank will contact you immediately i have received your money here and convey your documents to them for release order to be Passed to you.
Please i do not want any more delay go pick up the money and send it in the right informations ok and get back to me immediately so that we can proceed or call me immediately when you have send the money so that i can inform the relevant offices
my direct mobile here is +234-803-4420597, call me when you have paid the money for fast pick up and convey of documents to high court.

Sorry because of receivers mixup i could not pick up the money just go and pick it and send again in the right name ok.

Once again i wish you the best of luck and my excellent and legal loyal services to you.

Thanks

Who said I lived in Alabama? If the douchebag was paying any attention whatsoever, he should damn well know that I am a citizen of Chingatumadre, California. That sound you just heard was me loading the shotgun full of "slap"-shot for future use.

Quote:

STELLLLAAAA

Wow! Cancer of the esophageal is a bad thing, Stella. Did they do a colonic interposition or a gastric pull through? Either way, your 5-year survival is pretty dismal, Stella. For that matter, your 1-year survival is nothing to brag about either. You should at least push for a percutaneous colostomy becuase a bag of warm excrement hanging off your abdomen is so cool. If that doesn't work, maybe a vagino-rectal fistula would help you kill two birds with one stone.

Stella, I am working the attorney like a rented mule. We are going to be rolling in cash by next week, I can feel it. Of course, all that money will go to "charity", as per your wishes and definately not into a front company for chinese pirates exchanging children for opium. I would never do that, Stella!

Love,
Molly

Quote:

Bannister Taffy:

I'm so sorry for the confusion. I went to Moneygram this morning and cleared everything up. I had to redo much of the initial work, but I think you are going to be pleasantly surprised as a result. I could have sworn that the name of your peon henchman was Paul Osuckee. Anyway, I changed the name to Paul Osagie. The money control number is 89746503465. The test question is now: What did the Togolese Rabbi say to the Nigerian gynecologist? All the other information is the same as you instructed.

I have not ever used Microsoft Paint. However, I have rescanned the new payment slip for you. I have tested and retested it on my 3.3Mhz Anus Laptop, and it works fine. It is in .bmp format, so it should be openable by any computer.

Please let me know if this works out entirely to your satisfaction.
Thanks,
Molly Ringwald

Lace up your boots, tinkerbell... you're going on a safari!

Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 9:26 pm

For crying out loud! I haven't heard from them all weekend. Please don't tell me we've come this far so you can quit!?!?!?

Quote:

Bannister!

I haven't heard from you all weekend! I'm starting to get worried. When am I going to get all that money? Did you know that Stella has cancer of the esophageal? Isn't that terrible? I'll go 50/50 with you on flowers if you want to send some to her before she assumes room temperature and is transferred to the "eternal care unit" of the hospital.

Molly Ringwald

Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 8:08 pm

That's right Stella. God is on my side. I love how they get all religous on you when they think you need a kick in the ass (aka "inspiration"). I don't know where the hell she cut and pasted this little gem from.

Quote:

Dear Molly Ringwald ,

How is life with you i just send you a mail and also i still have the opportunity so i just think of some thing to write down to you because we just have a prayer section here so i have prayed and God have also make me to know that you are the right person to carry on with the charity organisation and i want you to finish and meet the lawyer so that we can see face to face so that i can congratulate you for your God works for God.

Your mail really touch me and i feel the holy ghost on full control of your works for God.
We want God to change our circumstances, but God wants to use our
circumstances to change us.

It can be easy to think that God is obligated to make life easy for us and to remove all of our difficult circumstances. But, the truth is that during hard times God is preparing us for greater things. If He removed the difficult circumstances in our lives, we would probably never mature.
James 1:2-4 says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." In other words, rejoice in "trials of many kinds", because they test your faith, which causes you to grow closer to God. Indeed, God assures us that something beneficial can come from the hard times in life.

If you are going through trials now, take hope in the fact that almost everyone in the Bible who did great things for God also had to endure great hardships. For example, in 2 Corinthians 11:24-27, Paul recounts many of the difficult circumstances that he had gone through: "Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in
danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the
city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked."

Clearly, Paul had suffered greatly for the Gospel. However, God used those circumstances to make Paul more mature and to give him a great love for God and for spreading God's Word. Now, Paul is widely considered the second most important person in the New Testament--behind Jesus, of course. However, we must remember that Paul had to go through many
difficult trials. It was those times of testing that caused Paul to grow closer to God, qualifying him to be a great witness for Christ.

This same principle can be seen in almost every other person in the
Bible who did great things for God. It was during times of testing that such people developed the strength and character for which we respect them.

Therefore, don't always beg God to change your circumstances. Instead, view each as an opportunity for God to change you, making you "mature and complete, not lacking anything."

My dear friend Sister in christ i have full assurance in you and i know that you will not hesitate to finalise to see God mission come to pass i will wait untill you inform me tommorow that you have finalise with the attorney to prepared the documents so that you can get the documents to the bank i want to see next that you have get contact that the bank wants you to get an account ready for transfer in that case i will have full assurance that you and me will see soon because i will want you to tell the lawyer that when you have the money or bank contact after the documents have been prepared you are her will come and see me.

The most important thing is the documents to be prepared in your name and the lawyer wants the fee to make sure she cover all the expenses to secure the documents and legal Pay.

Continue with your good works God is in control.

Remain Blessed
Mrs Stella Sigcau

Stella, are you even reading my emails? Let's find out.

Quote:

STTELLLLLAAAAA!!!

Your words of inspiration are touching indeed! I will redouble my efforts to get the barrister to sign over the demurrage in my favor! I am so glad to hear that your treatments are working wonders for your cancer of the esophageal. Thanks be to God that it is simply cancer and not something really serious like scabies or pink eye. I hope having cancer has taught you that a can of Crisco and a diet Coke do not make for a balanced diet. Please know that through this whole process I have learned to take extreme delight in your suffering. Every cloud, even sickeningly obese ones, have a silver lining I guess you could say.

About the whole charity modality, I am still trying to make up my mind. Perhaps I could start my own version of Roman gladiator fights, except using monkeys. There are plenty of sweaty Cubans here in South Florida who would love to gamble away their kid's college savings on that! Another possibility is to open my own sweatshop like the ones they have in Vietnam. I could make hyper-expensive basketball shoes using a labor pool of malnourished 9-year olds. They'll work for wayyyyyy below minimum wage; plus, if they lose a finger, they're young enough where they will grow back another one, kind of like starfish. Or maybe I'll just spend it all on whores and smack. The possibilites are endless, Stella!!!!

Keep those chins up, and get your motorized Rascal(tm) scooter recharged because we are going to bring some wonderful things into this world, Stella!

Molly Ringwald

Posted: Wed Mar 09, 2005 7:05 pm

Is Stella beginning to smell a rat? Or is it merely the half-eaten rotting salami and cheese sandwich stuck between the enormous folds of her skin?

Quote:

Dear Madam,

I can not get you right where do you plcae of worship.

try and inform me about your personal self and way of life iget an information from the lawyer that your payment to get the documents is not valid at the money gram center why is that to happen please inform me on your situation from your side yo know the lawyer have tried and traveled to get the information gathered to make sure we get the relevent documents in your name to courier to you and the bank i guess you do not misunderstand my kind gesture in this regards.

Meanwhile, the bannister is having some perplexing problems of his own.

Quote:

Sorry ther is no payment in the office why and what is the reason for such.

I don't understand why the Austin Powers movies are all about Austin. Dr. Evil is by far the stronger character.

Quote:

STEEELLLLAAAA!!!!!

Sorry the lawyer got all mixed up. I will send him an email today and clarify the whole thing! Isn't that great?

You want to know about my life? The details of my life are quite inconsequential. Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian woman named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

Like you, I worship every Sunday at the First Reformed Church of Cthulhu. Of course it will be a glorious day when He returns to earth and displaces all of humanity!

Love,
Molly

Better clear up things with the bannister... Barrister.... Whatever.

Quote:

Bannister Laffy Taffy!

I reviewed the information I sent you. This was 100% my mistake, and I apologize for any soul-crushing humiliation you may have suffered at the Moneygram office as a result. the problem was that I transposed the 4 and the 9 in the money control number. Fix that, and that should pretty much work itself out.

By the way, have you talked to Stella lately? I don't think these treatments are doing her much good as she is apparently continuing to gain weight. At least we could try to cut back her daily intake from 10,000 calories to 8,000. Do you think that would help?

Again, I offer my apologies for any misunderstanding.
Molly Ringwald

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 1:08 pm

Idunno man, I think even Stella is going to think it odd that somebody named Molly has testicles to shave in the first place...but it's your mugu. Here's hoping for a Martins Cole moment (MCM).

Posted: Thu Mar 10, 2005 2:39 pm

@RamenDragonElok: Well, I'm also pregnant with twins. Who knows what kind of freakish intersex I am at this point! Laughing

Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 4:53 pm

The bannister is miffed, and I have a shiny new pith helmet.

Quote:

Dear cleint,

I have read your mail and i want you to verify and send the right information you seems to take your opotunity as a joke.

if you do not have money i can appeal to a finance company that will send you a check so that you can clear the money and send to this chamber.

Reply back.

ABALA

What a smart-ass. Of course this isn't a joke.

Quote:

Orifice of Bannister Taffy:

Excuse me, but I am not the one taking my opotunity as a joke. Your orifice clearly made some kind of error. As I have already told your orifice in the prior email, the 4 and 9 were transposed by accident in the MTCN. That is why your orifice wasn't able to receive the funds.

If you still can't get the money, why don't you auction off one of Stella's kidneys? That would raise some funds for sure!

Respectfully,
Molly Ringwald

Strange silence.

Quote:

Bannister Taffy-

I haven't heard from you in several days? Were you able to clear up the confusion at Moneygram? Its a 100% risky free modality, so I felt safe with Moneygram.

you never answered my question about splitting the cost of flowers for Stella. Her flatulence treatments can't be easy, and I really think we should be with her during her moment of need.

Molly Ringwald

Perhaps Stella can get things going again?

Quote:

STTTELLLLAAAA!!!!!

It has been several days since I have heard from you last. Can you please talk to the lawyer and see if everything is ok and 100% risky free? I want to make sure that he can get the money so that I can get your money. Its a great feeling to rob Peter to pay Paul, isn't it? How are the treatments going? Are you still battling with your explosive flatus? If so, you might have a parasitic infection, but then I think everybody in africa has a parasitic infection, so I am right back at square one.

I prayed to the precious last night for your swift recovery!
Love,
Molly Ringwald

Stella wants to die and wants me to help her and nobody will know about it? Now that is an ethical conundrum!

Quote:

TRY AND DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO MAKE SURE WE GET THROUGH THIS I HAVE TOLD THE LAWYER TO COME DOWN WITH YOU AND SEE ME IN THE HOSPITAL,

IT SEEMS YOU ARE IN GREAT DELAY AND I WANT TO DIE HERE TELL ME IF YOU CAN HELP AT LEAST NO ONE KNOWS TOMMOROW.

REMAIN BLSEED
BYE
STELLA SIGCAU

Despite a certain oath I took several years ago to "do no harm", I decide to suck it up and make an exception for Stella's sake.

Quote:

SSTTELLLLLAAAAA!!!!

You want to die? Stella, that is troubling to hear! And you want me to help? I'm having a crisis of concious here! Just so we are perfectly clear, you can always give me all your money in your last will and testament. That way, I get the money and you get to assume room temperature! That's what I call a win/win situation here, Stella!!!

But yes, I can help you die there if you so wish. Here's what to do. You'll need a double barrelled shotgun, buckshot and a long stick. First, load the shotgun. Second, put the shotgun in your mouth so that the end is clearly pointing towards your brainstem. That last part is important, Stella becuase many suicides have gone terribly wrong when the despondent missed and only succeeded in blasting away his or her buccinator muscle, the alveolar aspect of the maxilla, and parotid gland. The person was still alive, and more than a little embarrassed! Anyway, use the stick to push the trigger. The stick may slip off the trigger a few times, but you have to keep trying if you expect results. Alternatively, I would advise you to use your primate-like toe to fire the trigger, but I imagine that your feet are as hideously bloated as the rest of you and you might not be able to actually fit your sausage-like digits safely through the fingerguard. One last hint, you might want to put newspapers down around the room so that whoever is unlucky enough to have to clean up afterwards will have an easier time of things. That would be the considerate thing to do. Also leave out a sponge and a bucket full of warm soapy water.

As for the bannister, I have emailed him, but I havent heard a thing back. Hopefully he didn't get attacked by randy baboons looking for love in all the wrong places. There's nothing worse than being buggered by a lower primate, believe me! So you can plainly see that the hold-up is the lawyer and not me!

Have a wondeful weekend, Stella! I hope to hear from you soon! Let me know if you are still serious about the whole wanting to die thing! I'll pray to Saint Anton LeVay, Saint Alister Crowley and Saint Marilyn Manson for you!

Warm fecal impactions and blessings from Morgoth!
Molly Ringwald

I think that was kinder than telling her that I am taking her to the park when instead I am taking her to be put to sleep. Either way, somebody had to pull the plug.

Quote:

PLS ASSISTS ME.

DEAR SIR/MA,

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS ASSISTANCE

After due deliberation with my children, I decided to contact you for
your assistance in standing as a beneficiary to the sum of US30.5M
Thirty Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars Only)

First, let me start by introducing myself as Mrs. Stella Sigcau, a
mother of three children and the Minister of Public Works in South
African Government (17 June 1999) to date under the auspices of the
President of South Africa MR THABO MBEKI. You can view my

profile at my
website:www.info.gov.za/leaders/ministers/publworks.htm

THE PROPOSAL

After the swearing in ceremony making me the Minister of Public

Works
in South African Government (17 June 1999) , my husband Mr Edelebe
Sigcau died while he was on an official trip to Trinidad and Tobago in
1996.After his death, I discovered that he had some funds in a dollar
account which amounted to the sum of US$30.5M with a South African

bank
which had her offshore House in the CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA

.This fund
emanated as a result of an over-invoiced contract which he executed
with the Government of South Africa. Though I assisted him in getting
this contract but I never knew that it was over-invoiced by him. I am
afraid that the government of South Africa might start to investigate
on contracts awarded from 1990 to date.If they discover this money in
his bank account, they will confiscate it and seize his assets here in
South Africa and this will definetely affect my political career in
Government.

I want your assistance in opening an account with CENTRAL BANK

through
my Attorney so that this fund could be wired into your account directly
without any hitch. As soon as the fund gets to your account, you are
expected to move it immediately into another personal bank account in
your country. I will see to it that the account is not traced from
South Africa. As soon as you have confirmed the fund into your

account,
I will send my eldest son with my Attorney to come to your country to
discuss on business investments.

SHARING PERCENTAGE

For your assistance, I am offering you 20% of the principal sum which
amounts to US$6,100.000.00 (Six million One Hundred Thousand United
States Dollars Only) However, you have to assure me and also be ready
to go into agreement with me that you will not elope with my fund.If
you agree to my terms, kindly as a matter of urgency send me an email.
Due to my sensitive position in the South African Government, I would
not WANT you to call me on phone or send a fax to me. All
correspondence must be by above mail address.

If you want to speak with my Attorney, that is fine and okay by me. His
chambers will be representing my interest at the CENTRAL BANK. All
correspondence must be made either to my Attorney Barrister Richard
Lithuli, of Lithuli and associates,or send me an email. I will also
like you to give me your contact address,telephone and fax to enable my
Attorney call or reach you from time to time.

Please I do not need to remind you of the need for absolute
Confidentiality if this transaction must succeed. YOU MUST NOT

CALL ME!
If you do not feel comfortable with this transaction, do not hesitate
to discontinue.

Thanks for your anticipated co-operation and my regards to your family.

Yours faithfully,

MRS. STELLA SIGCAU

Minister of Public Works, South Africa.

PLEASE REPLY TO THE BELLOW EMAIL

WTF!?!?!? And after I helped her along to the great internet cafe in the sky?!?! UNGRATEFUL SLUT!!!!!! And what the hell is the hold-up with Laffy Taffy????

Quote:

Bannister Taffy:

I havent heard from your orifice all weekend. I guess
thats because you close your orifice on Saturday and
Sunday? My orifice is open 24/7.

Anyway, I checked with Moneygram late friday, and they
said that you still havent picked up your money? Do I
need to resend it to your Nigerian orifice? Are you
going to get this money or not? Remember, I work hard
for the money, so hard for the money, I work hard for
the money so you better treat me right!

I await your engorgement,
Molly Ringwald

Time to confront Stella about the lipstick on her collar...

Quote:

STTEELLLLAAAA!!!

Well, this certainly came as a surprise to me in my email inbox this morning! Are you ho-ing yourself out to others? I thought we had something special together, Stella. I thought we had something real. Please tell me that this is a horrible misunderstanding.

Molly

(I forwarded the above email from "Stella")

Its just going to tear me up if I don't hear from the bannister or my little bloated sack of cholesterol soon! I haven't been f***ing with her this long for Stella just to go and die on me now!

Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 1:52 am

That harlot...you gave her the best baits of your life too. Ungrateful b Exclamation

tch.

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 9:24 pm

I think Stella and the Bannister have finally had enough of my monkeyshines.

Quote:

Barrister Tafa Lafa:

Why have you not responded to my emails? I checked with Moneygram today and they said that the funds have been picked up. So why am I not hearing from you? I thought this transaction was 100% risky free!!

Molly Ringwald

Its been days since I have heard from the bannister or Stella. Looks like it is time to put the final nail in the coffin and call it a day on this bait. I wish it could just go on and on, but who knows? Perhaps, someday soon, Stella and I will be reunited when I bait her from a different address. This is a bittersweet moment; I'll always remember you, Stella.

WARNING- ADULT LANGUAGE, ADULT CONTENT, AND GENERAL INSENSITIVITY

Quote:

This email may come as a surprise to you, you ugly motherf**ker!! Did you seriously f**king think that you were going to scam me out of $400? Nice try, you inbred donkey-f**ker! Better luck next time, you primitive douche bag c**t! HA HA HA!!!!

Do you enjoy pretending to be a dying fat-ass woman and a third-world lawyer, you f**king scamming p**sy? How does it feel to know that I have been wasting your time, c**ksucker? Ohhhh.... are you mad? What are you going to do about it, tubby bitch? Better not let your guyman oga find out that you totally f**ked this one up, or he is going to cram his fist so far up your man-gina ass that he could tickle your tonsils. But you would probably like that, you sorry little muffy boy. Read that last line again, a**hole. YOU ARE A MUFFY-MUFFY-MUFF-MUFF!!! You suck dog a** at scamming, so you had better take that tight little puckered anus of yours back to the gay prostitute sections of Lagos so that you can be the local c**-dumpster.

Seriously, do us all a favor you goatf**ker. Get all the gasoline (petrol) you can, and pour it everywhere in that s**thole internet cafe you are sitting in. Then, set it and yourself on fire. You will be doing the world a favor. You see, mugu, your are lower than a common thief. You don't even have the balls to steal money from somebody in person you f**king p**sy coward.

Aji otu nne gi, f**kface!!!

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 10:23 pm

..................................

Twisted Evil

YEAAAAAA!!!!!! clapping

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 10:24 pm

@Larry: What does the last part mean?

Posted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 11:22 pm

@cardinal biggles: Instead of asking Double-O and having him kick your ass, I'll simply direct you to this extremely helpful thread from a few months ago. Apparently its the most heinous thing you can say to an Igbo. Twisted Evil

@Iona: I giggle like a maniac whenever I see your avatar. That dog could seriously f*** people up!!!

Posted: Sat Mar 19, 2005 1:05 am

Muchas gracias, Larry. Smile

Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 5:55 am

My ribs are broken, that was just fantastic!

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