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Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 11:33 pm

I got the following e-mail from a lad.

Quote:

Cheap Mobile Phone Bonanza Offer

From: Sales Classic Comm <[email protected]>
To: [email protected]
Date: Apr 18, 2005 8:17 PM
Subject: Cheap Mobile Phone Bonanza Offer

Class Mobile Communications.
(A division of Yht Electronic Technology Limited [Shenzhen ,China])
Phone World Tower.
100NW Mainland Rd,
Ikoyi - Lagos.
Nigeria.
Tel: +234-802-576-5177

Dear Prospective Valued Customer,

Classic Mobile Communication is a division of Yht Electronic Technology Limited [Shenzhen ,China]. We sell all kinds of mobile phones, laptops, and CDMA’s at reduced and affordable rates during our promotion period. We deliver to all parts of the globe via DHL and FedEx worldwide courier. Please find below our products and price. Delivery is within 5 days via DHL and FedEx worldwide courier. Please place your order and get back to us as soon as possible.

Thanks,

Mr. Mohammed Hassan.
Branch Manager.
For: CLASS MOBILE COMMUNICATIONS.

BELOW IS THE SUMMARY OF AVAILABLE MODELS AND THEIR PRICES

SONY ERICSSON T200-- US$39
SONY ERICSSON T100-- US$29
SONY ERICSSON R600-- US$49
SONY ERICSSON T20e-- US$49
SONY ERICSSON P800--US$215
SONY ERICSSON T20s-- US$52
SONY ERICSSON T28s-- US$53
SONY ERICSSON T28 World-- US$62
SONY ERICSSON T29s-- US$79
SONY ERICSSON T600-- US$79
SONY ERICSSON P900--US$260
SONY ERICSSON T300-- US$73
SONY ERICSSON T68i-- US$89
SONY ERICSSON T610-- US$120

NOKIA 2100-- US$85
NOKIA 3210-- US$30
NOKIA 3310-- US$35
NOKIA 3330-- US$60
NOKIA 3410-- US$49
NOKIA 3510-- US$53
NOKIA 3510i-- US$69
NOKIA 3530-- US$160
NOKIA 3200--US$75
NOKIA 3595--US$98
NOKIA 3620--US$135
NOKIA 3315--US400
NOKIA 5110I--US$60
NOKIA 5588--US$150
NOKIA 8250--US$70
NOKIA 8210--US$65
NOKIA 9110--US$118
NOKIA 6150--US$80
NOKIA 6600--US$230
NOKIA 3650-- US$210
NOKIA 6800-- US$155
NOKIA 7110-- US$109
NOKIA 7210 Turquoise-- US$109
NOKIA 7250-- US$155
NOKIA 7650-- US$130
NOKIA 8310-- US$85
NOKIA 8910 TITANIUM-- US$145
NOKIA 8850 SPECIAL EDITION-- US$145
NOKIA 8850 GOLD EDITION-- US$130
NOKIA 8910 Black-- US$155
NOKIA 9210 Communicator-- US$200
NOKIA 9210i Communicator-- US$210
NOKIA 8910i-- US$210

MOTOROLA T250--us$29
MOTOROLA p7389--us$25
MOTOROLA T2288--us$45
MOTOROLA Talkabout 191-- US$19
MOTOROLA C330-- US$49
MOTOROLA V66-- US$53
MOTOROLA v66i-- US$53
MOTOROLA TALKABOUT192-- US$49
MOTOROLA V51-- US$69
MOTOROLA V50-- US$69
MOTOROLA V70-- US$69
MOTOROLA V60-- US$69
MOTOROLA V60i-- US$69
MOTOROLA T720-- US$69
MOTOROLA ACCOMPOLI 008-- US$69
MOTOROLA TTIMEPORT 280-- US$69
MOTOROLA MPX200--US$199
MOTOROLA I730--US$299
MOTOROLA V300--$99
MOTOROLA M6088--US$65
MOTOROLA STARTAC 328--us$29
MOTOROLA TIMEPORTP7389--US$45
MOTOROLA V60G--$100
MOTOROLA T190/T191--US$25

SAMSUNG SGH-S105-- us$80
SAMSUNG SGH-N620-- US$49
SAMSUNG SGH-A800-- US$53
SAMSUNG SGH-A300-- US$69
SAMSUNG SGH-R210-- US$69
SAMSUNG SGH-N100-- US$69
SAMSUNG SGH-N400-- US$79
SAMSUNG SGH-T100-- US$53
SAMSUNG SGH-A400-- US$53
SAMSUNG SGH-S100-- US$53
SAMSUNG SGH-A200-- US$53
SAMSUNG SGH-T400-- US$69
SAMSUNG SGH-S300-- US$69
SAMSUNG SGH-A500-- US$139
SAMSUNG SGH-T500 Champagne-- US$129
SAMSUNG SGH-V200-- US$159
SAMSUNG SGH-T200-- US$149
SAMSUNG SGH-R225--US$15
SAMSUNG SGH-E715--US$175
SAMSUNG SGH-V206--US$105
SAMSUNG SGH-A460--US$65
SAMSUNG SGH-V205--US$100
SAMSUNG SGH-R220--US$30
SAMSUNG SGH-N740--US$45

ALCATEL One Touch 501-- US$39

ALCATEL One Touch 311-- US$35
ALCATEL One Touch 701-- US$43
ALCATEL One Touch 511-- US$49
ALCATEL OT525-- US$39
ALCATEL One Touch 512-- US$9
ALCATEL One Touch 715-- US$69

PANASONIC TX310--$115
PANASONIC TG2593B--$159
PANASONIC GD35-- US$39
PANASONIC GD52-- US$49
PANASONIC GD67-- US$49
PANASONIC GD92-- US$69
PANASONIC GD90-- US$69
PANASONIC GD93-- US$69
PANASONIC GD75-- US$79
PANASONIC GD55-- US$79
PANASONIC GD95-- US$79
PANASONIC GU87--US$130
PANASONICT X320--US$110
PANASONIC GD87-- US$149
PANASONIC TG2000B--$239.95
PANASONIC TG4000---$229.75

PHILIPS Fisio 120-- US$19
PHILIPS Fisio 311-- US$29
PHILIPS Fisio 620-- US$21
PHILIPS Fisio 825-- US$29
PHILIPS Ozéo 8@8-- US$29
PHILIPS Xénium-- US$53
PHILIPS Fisio 820 + Kit Blue-- US$39

SIEMENS A55--US$40
SIEMENS C35--us$10
SIEMENS S57--us$7
SIEMENS CL50--US$95
SIEMENS A50-- US$35
SIEMENS C45-- US$39
SIEMENS C55-- US$49
SIEMENS M35i-- US$53
SIEMENS M50-- US$49
SIEMENS S45i-- US$79
SIEMENS S40-- US$89
SIEMENS SL42-- US$89
SIEMENS ME45-- US$79
SIEMENS SL45-- US$69
SIEMENS SL45i-- US$69
SIEMENS S55-- US$69
SIEMENS S55 Camera-- US$39
SIEMENS C150--us$29
SIEMENS A40--us$13
SIEMENS SX56--US$165

SONY CMD-MZ5-- US$153
SONY CMD-Z5-- US$89
SONY CMD-J5-- US$69
SONY CMD-Z7-- US$79
SONY CMD-J7-- US$79
SONY CMD-J6-- US$79
SONY CMD-J70-- US$49

___________________________________________________________________________
Free Internet Crime/Scam Prevention and Safety Awareness Services at www.netsafe-admin.com

So, as a joke, I sent him an e-mail telling him to send me one of each.

I got this back:

Quote:

Dear Customer,

Thanks for the mail. We are on Bonanza Offer sales and the products are not for free. Only for is for free is the shipment. You are advise to place your order for the products sent to you.

Thanks,

Mr. Mohammed Hassan.
For: Classic Mobile Communications.

Lads. Gotta love 'em. So I mustered all the professionalism I could and sent him this reply.

Quote:

So how do I order your products? You didn't leave any ordering information, dipshit.

I'm a very wealthy businessman who doesn't have time for unprofessionalism. I need cell phones so my employees can stay in touch.

Send me the ordering info, fuckwad.

More later?

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 11:50 pm

Tell him you need to see pictures of all the items.

Posted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 11:56 pm

Scamarella wrote:

Tell him you need to see pictures of all the items.

Outstanding. Consider that e-mail sent.

As an Army vet, I like how you Air Forces types think. Smile

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 12:00 am

Here's the e-mail I sent. Thanks, Scamarella. Smile

Quote:

I'd like to see a picture of each one of the phones you have for sale, please.

Thanks fucktard.

I figured I'd just start with the abuse early. Get him acclimated. Twisted Evil

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:05 pm

Well what do you know? Calling him dipshit, fuckwad and fucktard apparently doesn't phase him. It's the pictures I want that seem to escapes him. Got this today...

Quote:

Dear Valued Customer,

Find Below the price list of the Phones. You can now place your Order for the products you are interested to purchase. We deliver to customers our products via FedEx Worldwide Courier.

Please you re advise to place your order as soon as possible so that discount will be given to you and get back to me with our interested products you intend to buy.

<<very long list of phones deleted>>

Since he apparently likes being called names, I send him this in return, natch.

Quote:

I already have this list, bonehead. What are you, a stupid little boy?

I want to see pictures of your merchandise and I need to know how to order them, you fuckwit. I've got a ton of money to spend on phones for my company, and I'm looking for the best deal. I want to see pictures of all the phones you have for sale.

Show me pictures of your merchandise, okay? Can you process that thought, fucknut?

And the name is Pxxxx Gxxxxxx, not "Valued Customer". Only girl-men say "valued customer" to each other. Get it right, fuckball.

Let's see where this leads. I like lads who aren't going to let a little abuse get between them and a sale. Smile

Guest

Lol I am loving the abuse in your replies!

Quote:

Get it right, fuckball.

Brilliant.

Keep them coming Very Happy

Posted: Thu Apr 21, 2005 7:31 pm

Thanks. This guy is making it too easy.

I'm going to see how many words I can put on the end of f*ck by the time I'm done.

Guest

Good idea. This guy won't know whats hit him!

Idea

You could try shit as well

shitface...shithead... I could go on Razz

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 10:40 am

You can't possibly evaluate which phones you want without reading the owners manual for each one. Ask him to locate the URL for the on-line documentation for each phone and forward it onto you.

Then ask him which of phones X, Y and Z he would prefer. If he says Z is best, then ask him to compare it's features with phones A, B and C.

Onve you've chosen the best phone, you'll of course want to make sure the menu system is available in Japanese, Azeri, Korean and Thai languages as you have offices all over the world.

There could be a lot of mileage in this one!

Posted: Fri Apr 22, 2005 1:47 pm

And don't forget the accessories and options. Each phone has to come with a headset that's compatible with the backlighting wattage, and you need the right link cable to upload your favorite ringtones. Furthermore, the clients in the U.S. MUST have flux-compatibility with football phones, while Australian clients will need compatibility with rugby phones (the only real difference is durability, but he should already know that). Meanwhile, the Israelis need phones that are NOT flux-compatible with the Arabs, and vice versa. That's a lot of variety, so you'll need all the right types of A/C adapters, D/C converters, A/C/D/C CD modules, and C/D/C warning labels. Also a shorter antenna for clients in countries where feelings of inadequacy might be a problem... that's at the discretion of the seller.

And for heaven's sake, make sure you find out the all-important poon tang factor!