Desu Matthan is seriously not joking

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Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 8:32 pm

Short and somewhat sillier than some of my baits. Desu kind of invited it on himself, though.

Quote:

Dear sir,
I got your contact in cause of a seriouse search
for a reliable foreign partner, which really made me to
contact you for assistance in transfering my money to
you for investement purpose.I'm Desu Matthan the
son of a late sierraleonian Col,Matthan suko.
Who died three years ago when the revolutionary
united front rebels(R.U.F)attacked our residence
on the 20 of feb 2000 in Makeni Sierraleon.
Following the cease fire agreement which was
reach year before last year with the help of United
Nation peace keeping troops,I
used the opporturnity to leave the country with a
very important document of(US$8.5m)EIGHT million FIVE HUNDRED
THOUSAND U.S Dollars, deposited
by my late father in security company,under my name.
this money was realised from diamond export.
Now'I'm searching for a trusted individual or
foreign firm whom I can invest this money with for
I am next of kin to these money.However I contact
you based on your capability and vast knowledge
on international commercial investement.
For your assistance and co-opertion I will give you
10%of the total sum realised after the sucessfull
transffer of this money.Please kindly communicate
your acceptance of this proposal so that we can
discuss the modalities of seeing this transaction through.
I count on you greately for your assistance.
I will be waiting to hearing from you soonest
Thanks,
Desu Matthan.
contact me alternatively with this mail
[email protected]

As usual, my very feminine self is rather hurt by being called a "sir". I feel as though I've garnered a knighthood or joined the army when being called "sir". As well as faintly ridiculous.

With visions of prospetuseseses dancing in her head from the "invest" comment, my character replies.

Quote:

Better check your reserach again. I'm a madam, not a sir. But I can help you
invest in small caps, if that's the sort of thing you're interested in. I'm a
broker.

Hannah Schmitt

I'm a refugee, blah, blah, blah, avoid raising an eyebrow, and other whatnot. In other words, typical response.

Quote:

Dear Hannah Schmitt,
thanks for the mail and the content is welnoted.
Please i want you to understand that is
because of the trust and i have on you as reliable and
God fearing person made me to reviel the present of the
money to you so that you can use your idea to help me
transfer the money on your name for investment

I am presently staying in Senegal as a refugee with no
real power to own or maintain any active account of my
own in this country because of my refugee statue and
my informal expirience on how to handle or where to
put the money made things very difficult to me couple
with my young age of 24.I am
aslo afraid not to reveil about the money to any body
in this country to avoid losing the money here.

Please,you should think on what you can do for about
this matter,because i need your help as urgent as
possible.The security and finance company where my
late Father deposited and insured the money for safe
keeping as a valuable family treasure gave me the
grace of a very short time to clear the asset out of
their custody following the expiry of the stipulated
date for the withdrawal of the money,because my father
deposited the money inside a family box that time for
security reasons.

All the vital deposit informations is intact with me,i
will forward it over to you as soon as i hear from you
to enable you contact the security and finance company
on my behalf as my foreign partner.You will
instruct them to transfer the money over to you as i
will instruct,because as soon as the money is
transfer,i intend relocating to your country with my
mother because of political stability over there and
join you for greater partnership and investment base
on your proffessional advice.

Please,you should treat and handle this matter with a
very good understanding and i will like you to
maintain the privacy of this matter as i am doing here
in SENEGAL,this is to avoid the raise of eyebrow of
any third party.
I look forward to hearing your response soon,my mother
extend her regards to you
thanks
desu

Oh, yeah. And poor sick mum. Well, she's not really sick yet, but hang on, she will be.

Wanting Desu to either recruit another lad, or to develop multiple personalities, (Hey, why should baiters have all the fun where that's concerned?) I fish for contact from dear sick mum.

Quote:

I'll do whatever I can to help, I suppose. I'd love to hear from your mother,
as well. What's her name?

Hannah

Um... blurgle, glurgle, blurgle, crap about the deposit. Or deposite. Or the silver coated box. Or something. Anyway, it was in bold and italics, and it rambles on a bit. It also has a security company name worthy of a Monty Python sketch, as it reminds me of the Vincent Milarrrrr bit that John Cleese once did.

Quote:

Dear hannah,
Thanks for the mail,like i told you yesterday,
Following my previous message, I have made all the
necessary and important clearance to the security and
finance company where the money is deposited and they
are now waiting for me to come for the final transfer
of the funds which I contacted you to enable you call
them and instruct them to transfer the funds to you as
my foreign partner pending my arrival to join you.

Take a very good note that the funds was deposited and
insured for safe keeping as a valuable family treasure
kept in a silver coated box. You should please
call the security company as soon as you get this
informations to instruct them to shift the fund over
to you in your country, do not disclose the content of
the box to them, just tell them that you want the
asset of Desu,s family to be transfer to you as you
are in business and family partnership with his
family.

Use the below informations to contact the security
and finance company , please you should not forget
that I trust and count upon you regarding proper
handling of the money, I hope you will not reveal
these informations to any third party so that they
will not use the informations to claim my money in the
security and finance company. Bear in mind that the
money holds my future mutual hope as a man which you
can understands from my past mail.

MEGARR FORCE SECURITY AND
FINANCE COMPANY
144 AVENUE PRESIDENT LAMINE GUEYE
DAKAR/SENEGAL

TEL :00221 640 56 09
FAX :00221 826 19 61

EMAIL: [email protected]
CONTACT PERSON :Dr Leopold Sarr,
Director forign service department.

deposite informations
DEPOSITOR :COL MATTHAN SUKO
NEXT OF KIN:DESU MATTHAN(SON)
OWNERSHIP CODE:541/SSBE/339/26/9
DEPOSIT CODE:APTHOSMGQ
SECURITY CODE:PAG/R84/3741/3895

Please you should not fail to call them as soon as
possible,just tell them that you need my asset
presently in their custody to be transferred to you,
please and remember do not disclose to them the
content of the box,because my father did not
disclose it to them at that time for security
reasons.
As soon as you get in contact with them, you should
let me to know, I hope to hearing from you soon
because i want them to transfer the treasure to you
before next weekend as i intend to relocate to join
you as soon as posible for greater partnership as i
told,my mother name is mrs maimuna matthan,she
even will like to hear from you,do i give you our phone
number so that you can call us?

Regards,

Desu.

My emphasis. Oh, you know I'm going to leap on some tiny, inconsequential detail and ride it to death, right? Like why Desu is a refugee, but calling is not a problem. And why he can't seem to decide what his family name is. And maybe even why he felt compelled to send me that message twice.

Quote:

> Dear hannah,
> Thanks for the mail,like i told you yesterday,
> Following my previous message, I have made all the
> necessary and important clearance to the security and
> finance company where the money is deposited and they
> are now waiting for me to come for the final transfer
> of the funds which I contacted you to enable you call
> them and instruct them to transfer the funds to you as
> my foreign partner pending my arrival to join you.
>
> Take a very good note that the funds was deposited and
> insured for safe keeping as a valuable family treasure
> kept in a silver coated box. You should please
> call the security company as soon as you get this
> informations to instruct them to shift the fund over
> to you in your country, do not disclose the content of
> the box to them, just tell them that you want the
> asset of Desu,s family to be transfer to you as you
> are in business and family partnership with his
> family.

So, I'm supposed to say it's registered under the "Desu family"? And they're
just going to accept my word that I'm a business partner?

>
> Use the below informations to contact the security
> and finance company , please you should not forget
> that I trust and count upon you regarding proper
> handling of the money, I hope you will not reveal
> these informations to any third party so that they
> will not use the informations to claim my money in the
> security and finance company. Bear in mind that the
> money holds my future mutual hope as a man which you
> can understands from my past mail.
>

If they're a reputable security company, why should you be afraid to tell them
what's in the box? And if it's not a reputable security company, why did your
father choose to leave all his valuables in their safekeeping?

>
>
> MEGARR FORCE SECURITY AND
> FINANCE COMPANY
> 144 AVENUE PRESIDENT LAMINE GUEYE
> DAKAR/SENEGAL
>
> TEL :00221 640 56 09
> FAX :00221 826 19 61
>
> EMAIL:[email protected]
> CONTACT PERSON :Dr Leopold Sarr,
> Director forign service department.
>
> deposite informations
> DEPOSITOR :COL MATTHAN SUKO
> NEXT OF KIN:DESU MATTHAN(SON)
> OWNERSHIP CODE:541/SSBE/339/26/9
> DEPOSIT CODE:APTHOSMGQ
> SECURITY CODE:PAG/R84/3741/3895
>
> Please you should not fail to call them as soon as
> possible,just tell them that you need my asset
> presently in their custody to be transferred to you,
> please and remember do not disclose to them the
> content of the box,because my father did not
> disclose it to them at that time for security
> reasons.
> As soon as you get in contact with them, you should
> let me to know, I hope to hearing from you soon
> because i want them to transfer the treasure to you
> before next weekend as i intend to relocate to join
> you as soon as posible for greater partnership as i
> told,my mother name is mrs maimuna matthan,she
> even will like to hear from you,do i give you our phone
> number so that you can call us?
>
> Regards,
>
> Desu.

I would at least like to see a picture of you and your mother. I'd like to see
the faces of the people I'm going to help. But I'm confused, Desu. YOu said
earlier that the valuables are under the "Desu family" name. But then you say
your mother's name is Maimuna Matthan, as though Matthan is your family name?
And you sign the letter as though your given name is Desu. Which is it? I
don't want to give the wrong name when I contact the security company. They'll
surely know I'm not a business partner if I don't even know the family's
proper name.

Please advise,

Hannah

Commence worrying at lad about the tiniest details! Release the hounds! And they're all perfectly reasonable questions, right?

Oh, dear, he tells me not to complicate the issue. He's asked for it, now.

Quote:

Dear hannah,

Thanks for the mail,but please do not complicate
issue,once you contact the security company and ask
them to deliver the asset to you they will respond to
you,once you told them that you are business and
family partner of desu matthan,or desu,they know me,i
told you that i have gone there for the final
clearance and they are waiting for me,do not even
mention my mother name to them,she has nothing to do
with this asset,my late father is the original owner
and depositor,while i am the beneficiary,pou can check
the deposite information,i gave you my mother name
because you ask for her name,that is all,the most
important thing is to confirm the deposite information
to them,secondily,the security company do not have
problem,like i told you before,my father has been
using thier services to sell and export his diamond to
europe and america without any problem,so he keep this
money with them for just save keeping,right now,as he
deposited it,i want to transfer it out same way,what
do you think about it?
i will send my photo id to you now
thanks
desu

I decide right then and there to give Desu a smack for not respecting his mother very much. I mean, honestly, not even giving her any credit for being involved?

I decide to react like he's just called me a silly little girl and asked me to do as I'm told. Which he has, more or less. I'll teach these lads something about respecting women.

Quote:

I don't think I like your tone, Desu. I asked a perfectly reasonable, simple
question, because I don't want to mess up getting YOUR money, and you reply to
me in an extremely rude manner. You go on at length about how I'm helping you
and your mother, and when I show some interest in the people I'm helping, you
bite my head off. That's not very nice, Desu. You're not treating your mother
with much respect, and you're not showing me proper respect, either. If you're
rude to me like that again, Desu, I'm going to tell the security company
exactly what is in that deposit, and you and your poor mother will be at the
mercy of the security company.

You were either lying before or now, Desu. Before, you acted like the
security company couldn't be trusted. Now, you act as though they're
unimpeachable. Your mother deserves better. I want a copy of that ID and some
actual proof before I contact the security company. You haven't sent me any ID,
you haven't sent me any documents, and you haven't sent me any proof your
mother exists. I think you're lying, Desu. You're just making it up to make me
feel sorry for you. Prove it, Desu. Prove it, and then I'll contact the
security company. And mind your manners with me, or you can forget my help.

Hannah

Come on, boy! Send me some crappy documents! Dare ya!

Desu comes through. In... uh... well, not spades. Well, okay, he does give me a nice sociology talk. But his documents, to put it frankly, stink.

Quote:

Dear hannah,

Thanks for the mail,and i am so sorry if you understand my mail as insult,the truth of the matter is that here in africa,any son of a father is given the write to handle the family after the death of the father,you can not love my mother more than me,no, and never,but you see, here women are not given much right,and or because most of them are not properlly educated this is another factor,there is no how i will transfer this money and run away with it no,i can not leave my mother for any reason,even my plan is that after the company transfer the traesure containing the fund to you,i will come first and join you and buy house there with your help before coming back to take my mother along before the investment proper this is my plan,secondily,please no matter how i offend you do not try and tell the company the content of the box,please do not do this to me,i am trusting and confiding everything in my life to you,if you want i can give you phone number so that you can call us we discours directly,or when replying try and put your direct number to me,also know that we are passing through difficult situation here,that is why it will seems to you that i am worried,the situation is not easy here,is not what i will be written but i will explain face to face when i come over there.i am attaching one of the deposite informatin as a prove of the situation and my UN id and photo.
i will be waiting to hear from you
desu

I've seen better fakes from toddlers! The crumpled paper is a nice touch, though. Though it's rather overshadowed by the fact that the boy can't spell. Or decide on a typeface.

And his ID is equally lovely. Isn't he... um... charming?

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 8:48 pm

Oh boy, this is going to get good. He's an Un-refugee? I that like being un-happy or the un-Cola? (which is 7up, BTW). And is Kofi Annan just hanging out at the Sierra Leone border, handing out these ID cards? If he loves his mama so much, why does he treat her so bad? Mrs. Bean, I do believe you've got a good one on your hands!

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 9:06 pm

Hannah sets Desu straight on a few things. And also makes sure to add the link and an attachment of a lovely house he and mum might consider...

Quote:

> Dear hannah,
>
> Thanks for the mail,and i am so sorry if you understand my mail as
>insult,the truth of the matter is that here in africa,any son of a father >is
given the write to handle the family after the death of the father,you >can
not love my mother more than me,no, and never,but you see, here women >are not
given much right,

You had better get ready for a big change, then, if you're coming here. Here,
women are sure as hell given proper rights. And you had better get used to
respecting women properly. Especially your mother. Over here, if Mama ain't
happy, ain't nobody happy.

>and or because most of them are not properlly educated this is another
>factor,

I suppose you're properly educated, right? I see you're a student on your ID
card. What are you studying, Desu? And for that matter, where is your mother's
ID card?

>there is no how i will transfer this money and run away with it no,i can

You're not reading my email properly. I asked about the security company,
Desu. You say in one email that your father trusted them, but in every other
email, you act like they can't even be trusted to know what is in the deposit,
lest they sbscond with it. Make up your mind, Desu. Is the security company
trustworthy or not?

>not leave my mother for any reason,even my plan is that after the company
>transfer the traesure containing the fund to you,i will come first and >join
you and buy house there with your help before coming back to take my >mother
along before the investment proper this is my >plan,

I think you should let your mother pick the house, Desu. Men don't know squat
about buying a proper house. Look, let your mother and me handle the
house-picking. I know of some great real estate deals around here, and some
fantastic houses. You boys just care about having a big garage and a big
television. I bet your mother wouldn't even get proper baths and a kitchen if
she trusted you to do the buying. I'll look up some houses. IN fact, I'll give
you a few to pick from here.

>secondily,please no matter how i offend you do not try and tell the >company
the content of the box,please do not do this to me,i am trusting >and
confiding everything in my life to you,if you want i can give you >phone
number so that you can call us we
> discours directly,or when replying try and put your direct number to
>me,also know that we are passing through difficult situation here,

You're a refugee, Desu. No point in exchanging phone numbers. It's not like
you're hanging out in the refugee camp with a satellite phone and unlimited
minutes, now is it?

>that is why it will seems to you that i am worried,the situation is not >easy
here,is not what i will be written but i will explain face to face >when i
come over there.i am attaching one of the deposite informatin as a >prove of
the situation and my UN id and photo.

You forgot to include your mother's ID. I at least need to see her ID before I
can start picturing the perfect house for her.

> i will be waiting to hear from you
> desu
>

I'll forward the certificate to the company, and let them know I'm supposed to
claim the deposit for you.

Hannah

Oh, and this house is just amazing. I've driven by it before. I can't believe
it's only $300,000 or so.

http://www.era.com/erabin/listing?Property=1535431

Oddly, according to the email, the security company is named Mega Force. Whatever. I forward them the claim certificate.

Quote:

I need to claim the deposit referred to in this certificate.

Thanks,
Ms. Hannah Schmitt

Yet another name change! The security company replies with an email user info line that says their name is "MEGA FORCEF"! Those wacky French Yahoo users...

Quote:

TTN:MS Hannah Schmitt.

Ms,
THANKS FOR YOUR ENQUIRY.
FOLLOWING THE ENQUIRY YOU SENT TO THIS MANAGEMENT, WE
HAVE AN IDEA OF THE ASSET BELONGING TO COL MATTHAN
SUKO AND THE SON AS NEXT OF KIN WHICH IS PRESENTLY IN
OUR CUSTODY.
THE MANAGEMENT OF MEGAR FORCE SECURITY AND FINANCE
WILL APPROVE THE TRANSFER OF HIS ASSET TO YOU BASED ON
HIS RECOMENDATION WHICH HE MUST SUBMIT TO THIS
MANAGEMENT IN THE FORM OF A LETTER OF AGREEMENT,OR AN
AUTHENTIC AGREEMENT SIGNED BY BOTH OF YOU AS PARTNERS
INCLUDING CURRENT ADDRESSES TO LEGALLY ALLOW THE
MANAGEMENT TO MAKE THE TRANSFER TO YOUR CONTACT
ADDRESS.

THIS AGREEMENT MUST BE FROM A LAW FIRM OR A LAWYER
HERE,TO JUSTIFY OUR MODE OF OPERATION HENCE THE
ORIGINAL DEPOSITOR OF THE ASSET IS DEATH.

AS SOON AS THIS IS DONE, WE ARE GOING TO PROCESS THE
SHIPMENT OF HIS FAMILY TREASURE BOX TO YOUR CONTACT
ADDRESS WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT UNDER OUR CORRESPONDING
CARRIER SERVICES FOR DELIVERY IN YOUR COUNTRY.

THANKS FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING,
DR L.SARR.

Yuh huh. Look, you guys aren't looking to be worth the effort. More bold/italics melodramatics and sociology from Desu.

Quote:

Dear hannah,

thanks for the mail and the content is welnoted,i want to assure that i will work and listen to your instruction base on your proffesional advice,like you have ask,i was a student at secondary school studying social science before the problem in my country and i intend to go back if things workout the way which i have think with my mother and programe,also i know that you are not happy at times when i try to keep my mother behind,but i am sorry,you are very sharp if african women are like you we wount have much problem,most of them only care about domestic work without thinking of outside this is thier problem here,but with you,i hope my mother will cope up in future,as for the security company,they do not have any problem,because i am only working on the instruction of my late father and how he deposited the money,like i told you before he uses thier services for his diamond export to the states and canada without any problem,so i am continuing where he stop because he keep this money for us so that we will not suffer incase of anything,that is why as the son,i am doing everything posible to make sure the stay, we are staying here will not take long because my mother is sick and she is now in the hospital,we are been taking little care by the united nation and if i have my way,i will take her to a better place,that is why you can see that is like i am in hurry,is just for the family good,whatever is the case,my mother also will be happy in that house you have show me,we will like it, it will help us to stay arround better,secondily,we are not compounded in any way,we can call and respond to phone,we are under united nation but we are not compounded as compounded refugees,i hope you understands me,
i wait to hear from you
desu

Yes, dear. I understands. I decide to act like the UN does not supply every refugee with their own satphone. Imagine that!

Quote:

I'm so sorry to hear your mother is sick. Why is she in the hospital? Is she
being treated properly for what she has? Do you have a diagnosis?

And I realize you're not prisoners, but the UN doesn't have money to throw
around on phone calls when there are relief supplies and food it could be
better spent on. And if your mother is sick, you need to concentrate on being
with her and getting her well instead of chatting to me on the phone. I'm sure
everything can be handled in email.

I contacted the security company, and this is the next step.

THE MANAGEMENT OF MEGAR FORCE SECURITY AND FINANCE
WILL APPROVE THE TRANSFER OF HIS ASSET TO YOU BASED ON
HIS RECOMENDATION WHICH HE MUST SUBMIT TO THIS
MANAGEMENT IN THE FORM OF A LETTER OF AGREEMENT,OR AN
AUTHENTIC AGREEMENT SIGNED BY BOTH OF YOU AS PARTNERS
INCLUDING CURRENT ADDRESSES TO LEGALLY ALLOW THE
MANAGEMENT TO MAKE THE TRANSFER TO YOUR CONTACT
ADDRESS.

THIS AGREEMENT MUST BE FROM A LAW FIRM OR A LAWYER
HERE,TO JUSTIFY OUR MODE OF OPERATION HENCE THE
ORIGINAL DEPOSITOR OF THE ASSET IS DEATH.

So I think you need to go see the camp legal counsel, and get that agreement
drawn up and signed, and sent to me, so I can sign it and give it back to you.
And then you can send it to the security company, because they obviously want
you to submit it to them.

Hannah

Desu isn't much for chatting about Mum, though, I notice.

Still, Hannah notifies the security company (whatever it is named) that Desu is on the case.

Quote:

Desu has been notified and will take action. I'll get him to submit the
agreement to you after it has been drafted and signed.

Hannah

Or is a case.

I finally get the infamous lad explanation that the common cold is caused by thinking too much! Glory hallelujah! We've found a cure for the common cold! Stop thinking, people!

Quote:

Dear hannah,

Thanks for the mail,i also thank you that you are
making a good effort for us,like you have ask my
mother has cold and chest problem may be because she
has been thinking too much,she is admited in one of
the destrict hospital because we do not have enough
money now until this asset is transfer and i goes to
her twice a day,is not easy with me here,i recieved
the mail you send and response of the security
company,this afternoon after i come back from the
hospital,i will go and look for a lawyer who will
draft the agreement for us,then i will send it to you
for signing and send back so that we will send to the
security company to enable them to prepare and send
the treasure to you,as we are planing,so that we can
start living again better life,
i will get back to you this afternoon
thanks
desu

Doggone it. When mums get introduced in scams, they always get sick. I wish they would quit thinking so much...

And now the fees! But I feel Desu has not put out an appropriate amount of effort, and his documents and story suck. I'm going for the angry ladmail from here on out. If he had shown more aptitude, I might have introduced my own Senegalese lawyer and done the "agreement" myself.

Quote:

Dear hannah,

Thanks for the mail and the effort which you are
making for us ,
i have also call the security company and they explain

almost same to me,i went to down town to get a lawyer

who will prepare the authentic agreement for us this
afternoon as i told you to enable

the security and finance company to ship the asset to
your contact address as they have demanded,the lawyer

demanded all this from you after my long discussion

with him to get the authentic agreement this morning
within 24 hrs and notorise it to be valid,

1,YOUR FULL NAMES

2,YOUR CURRENT ADDRESS AND MY ALSO.

3,IDENTIFICATION CARD NUMBER OR PASSPORT.

4,1,350 EURO AS HIS ATTORNEY FEE.

5 YOUR PROFFESION

you can still contact the lawyer, below is his contact
address:

BARRISTER TIMOTHY SY
SOLICITORS AND ADVOCATES
124,PINAT LA GEUELE TAPEE
TELL/FAX 221 892 48 45.
EMAIL:[email protected]
DAKAR SENEGAL

Try as soon as you recieved this information to send
all the required item and information to enable him
get the agreement so that the security company will
start the preparation to ship the treasure as
soon as they got the authentic agreement,also try to
help and send the money to the lawyer so that he will
speed up the work as he required.
I wait to hear from you soonest.
Thanks
Desu

Hannah finally puts on her glasses and looks at the certificate.

Quote:

Don't bother, Desu. You're a filthy liar. I printed off that certificate of
deposit you sent, to take a closer look, and it's an obvious (and very bad)
forgery. The security company is a fake, too, isn't it, Desu?

Forget my assistance, Desu. You're a fake and a liar, and you can take your
imaginary sick mother and shove off. That wasn't you in that ID, and this
certainly explains why you wouldn't send me your mother's ID, either. Shame on
you, Desu. You've hurt me very badly. Don't bother contacting me again. I
don't want to hear any more of your stinking lies. May God have mercy on your
soul for daring to tell such a horrendous lie about your "sick mother".

Hannah

I don't tell him the many obvious tells in his certificate. Let him stew about that one on his own.

Now Desu has two choices. Shape up or ship out. I doubt he'll shape up, so I expect to hit him in the behind with the door on the way out.

Desu seems to think I have the impression he's a jokester.

Quote:

Dear hannah,
thanks for the mail,i know you are not ready to help that is why you are imposing all maner of question to me,you think that i am joking,or you think africa is all that organise like your country.
thanks for the little time
desu

I go for a death threat, but I've evidently had to settle for the kissoff. He hasn't written back since I sent him this.

Quote:

No, Desu, I don't think you're joking. I think you're a lying, thieving,
fraudulent little shit. Even in "disorganized Africa", they can fucking spell
and create official documents that don't look like they were drawn by a
toddler with the shakes, Desu. Your response proves my suspicions. You're a
con artist.

I'm going to be warning all my friends to be on the lookout for you. I'll be
including a warning in the monthly newsletter about horrrid scammers like you.
You really should be ashamed, Desu, forgery, lying, and trying to steal! And
trying to use that sob story about your sick mother! Shame, Desu! I hope your
real mother doesn't know what you're doing. If I were her, I would be ashamed
to call you my son.

Hannah

As I was slopping over with lads at the time, Desu didn't raise much interest from me. He wasn't exactly the wiliest or most inventive sort. All he had to do to keep me happier was offer to get Mum an email account and have her say hi. Yet, he doesn't. Shame, Desu!

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 9:10 pm

@Larry I'm thinking of rebaiting him from elsewhere and making him raise his scamming standards. He's slightly pathetic at the moment, what with his pitiful little explanations and the way he treats his "mum". I think I'm going to give him a real working over as several women in a row and raise his fictional mum's standing in his eyes.

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 10:53 pm

That would be outstanding. And if I recall correctly, "MegaForce" was the name of a really cheesy early 80's action flick. And if I thought it was lame in the 3rd grade, chances are, it REALLLLLLY sucked!

Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 11:29 pm

Thinking does make you sick-if you're a lad's mother. I mean, really, if you kept thinking about how you'd gone through several painful hours of labor and spent years of your life to bring up a spineless, incompetent thief with no writing ability, wouldn't you feel a little ill?

Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 11:47 am

I kept picturing Mega(r)(r)Force(f) as a giant, transforming robot, myself, for no apparent reason. Something like a reaaaallly low-rent Transformer, bodged together out of kitchen junk. I mean, come on, they couldn't even get the name consistent!

Posted: Mon Apr 11, 2005 2:56 am

Being the kind, caring soul that I am, about Desu's imaginary sick mother, I decided to strike up a relationship with him as another character, Trina Perkins.

I start with the usual approach.

Quote:

Desu, I read your email, and what happened to you is just horrible.
How can I help?

He replies with the usual scripted drivel, but I don't think my reply, inline below, is exactly what he was expecting...

Quote:

> Dear Trina Perkins,
>
> Thanks for the mail and the content is welnoted,life
> is like that with me now.
> Please i want you to understand that is
> because of the trust and i have on you as reliable and
> God fearing person made me to reviel the present of
> the money to you so that you can use your idea to help
> me transfer the money on your name for investment,

I'll do what I can, but you'll have to assist me in order for me to assist you.

>
> I am presently staying in Senegal as a refugee with no
> real power to own or maintain any active account of my
> own in this country because of my refugee statue and
> my informal expirience on how to handle or where to
> put the money made things very difficult to me couple
> with my young age of 24.

That is absolutely outrageous that they don't allow you to have an
account simply because you are a refugee! I'm going to look into that
and see what can be done. I have several friends who are very active
in the civil rights arena, and I'm sure with enough clout to get that
looked into. There is absoultely no reason for Senegal to prevent
refugees in their country from having basic rights, such as the right
to open their own account. I'm sure the cause of a fine young man of
only 24 would be quite easy to sell in the media, here. We could have
people protesting on your behalf and signing petitions by the end of
the week.

>I am
> aslo afraid not to reveil about the money to any body
> in this country to avoid losing the money here.
>
> Please,you should think on what you can do for about
> this matter,because i need your help as urgent as
> possible.The security and finance company where my
> late Father deposited and insured the money for safe
> keeping as a valuable family treasure gave me the
> grace of a very short time to clear the asset out of
> their custody following the expiry of the stipulated
> date for the withdrawal of the money,because my father
> deposited the money inside a family box that time for
> security reasons.

We'll see if we can't get the money out of the security company before
the grace period expires. When does it expire?

>
> All the vital deposit informations is intact with me,i
> will forward it over to you as soon as i hear from you
> to enable you contact the security and finance company
> on my behalf as my foreign partner.You will
> instruct them to transfer the money over to you as i
> will instruct,because as soon as the money is
> transfer,i intend relocating to your country with my
> mother because of political stability over there and
> join you for greater partnership and investment base
> on your proffessional advice.
>

And you have a mother with you as well, who is also a refugee? Pardon
my saying so, but that's even better. Poor, downtrodden mothers sell
even better in these civil rights campaigns than young men. Women,
particularly mothers, are far more sympathetic. And soccer moms and
the voters just eat that up.

> Please,you should treat and handle this matter with a
> very good understanding and i will like you to
> maintain the privacy of this matter as i am doing here
> in SENEGAL,this is to avoid the raise of eyebrow of
> any third party.
> I look forward to hearing your response soon,my mother
> extend her regards to you
> thanks
> desu

Pardon my questioning your story, but I do need some proof of all of
this, of course. Especially if we're going to bust Senegal's hump over
giving refugees such a hard time just making it by in their country.
I'm going to need pictures of you and your mother, of course, for the
news stories, so we have faces to attach to the story. People always
sympathize better when there are pictures. Especially when they are of
poor downtrodden mothers just trying to do right by their young sons.
Give me the security company contact, and I'll jump right on that, as
well.

And Desu, please explain how you're getting by? If you're a refugee,
and they won't even let you have a bank account, do they let you work
and earn an honest living? What are you doing to feed you and your
mother? Is your mother working as well, or does the jackboot of
oppression in Senegal keep you from holding jobs? And how are you
managing to email me? Surely you don't own a computer, do you?

--

Trina Perkins

Notice how Desu tries to simultaneously convince me that being in the refugee camp is not so horrible, and an unmanageable existence, all at the same time! He can't decide whether to sell it to me as a holiday camp that I don't need to campaign against, or a wretched place that just happens to offer marvelous phone and internet service...

Quote:

Dear Trina Perkins,

Thanks for the mail,and i really understands where you
stands,we are using refugees identification but we are
not compunded,and you know,life is not all that easy
with us here,as i am written to you now,my mother is
in the hospital and she is very sick,to even take
proper care of her is another problem,well from all
your point,i think is better you forget about
campagning for the right of refugees here and think of
how to help us out of this mess as soon as
posible,until this fund is transfer,if not nothing is
working fine,even to eat here in africa is not
easy,because we are not even working,the UNITED
NATIONS takes little care of us at will,by tomorrow i
will send my id photo to you,because is already night
here,
Following my previous message, I have made all the
necessary and important clearance to the security and
finance company where the money is deposited and they
are now waiting for me to come for the final transfer
of the funds which I contacted you to enable you call
them and instruct them to transfer the funds to you as
my foreign partner pending my arrival to join you.

Take a very good note that the funds was deposited and
insured for safe keeping as a valuable family treasure
kept in a silver coated box. You should please
call the security company as soon as you get this
informations to instruct them to shift the fund over
to you in your country, do not disclose the content of
the box to them, just tell them that you want the
asset of matthan,s family to be transfer to you as you
are in business and family partnership with his
family.

Use the below informations to contact the security
and finance company , please you should not forget
that I trust and count upon you regarding proper
handling of the money, I hope you will not reveal
these informations to any third party so that they
will not use the informations to claim my money in the
security and finance company. Bear in mind that the
money holds my future mutual hope as a man which you
can understands from my past mail.

MEGARR FORCE SECURITY AND
FINANCE COMPANY
144 AVENUE PRESIDENT LAMINE GUEYE
DAKAR/SENEGAL

TEL :00221 640 56 09
FAX :00221 826 19 61

EMAIL:[email protected]
CONTACT PERSON : Dr Leopold Sarr,
Director forign service department.

deposite informations
DEPOSITOR :COL MATTHAN SUKO
NEXT OF KIN:DESU MATTHAN(SON)
OWNERSHIP CODE:541/SSBE/339/26/9
DEPOSIT CODE:APTHOSMGQ
SECURITY CODE:PAG/R84/3741/3895

Please you should not fail to call them as soon as
possible,just tell them that you need my asset
presently in their custody to be transferred to you,
please and remember do not disclose to them the
content of the box,because my father did not
disclose it to them at that time for security
reasons.
As soon as you get in contact with them, you should
let me to know, I hope to hearing from you soon
because i want them to transfer the treasure to you
before weekend as i intend to relocate to join
you as soon as posible for greater partnership as i
told.
Regards,

Desu.

Desu proves to be a damned liar, since I can never even get him to send his sucky refugee ID this time around. But I do try to introduce him to more activism. We need more activist lads!

Quote:

> Dear Trina Perkins,
>
> Thanks for the mail,and i really understands where you
> stands,we are using refugees identification but we are
> not compunded,and you know,life is not all that easy
> with us here,as i am written to you now,my mother is
> in the hospital and she is very sick,to even take
> proper care of her is another problem,well from all
> your point,i think is better you forget about
> campagning for the right of refugees here

How extraordinarily selfish, Desu! Look, I know it's not easy to focus
on the bigger picture when you have it so hard, with your mother ill
and all, but if no one thinks of anyone but themselves, the world is
never going to get any better. You have to buck up under this pressure
and stand up, not just for yourself, but for everyone in your
situation. I've gotten a march organized, already, if we can just have
photos of the two of you for the placards, we'll be in front of the
Senate on Good Friday. I've also bent the ear of a Congressman or
two, and they're completely horrified at the conditions you describe.
Do you really want your fellow countrymen and refugees to continue to
be mistreated in this fashion? No, of course you don't. It's the
strain talking, Desu. Look, don't worry about a thing, I'll take care
of all the campaigning and the political side. But you have to help me
here, Desu. If this campaign doesn't have a face behind it, it won't
have nearly the impact. With the faces of you and your mother, though,
there's no way this campaign can fail. You have to look at the bigger
picture as well. Look, you mentioned refugee ID, and said you and your
mother have it. Send me a copy of your IDs, at least.

And how ill is your mother? What's she being treated for? Which
hospital? A few phone calls to Doctors Without Borders, and I can have
her in a top medical facility in a flash.
- Show quoted text -

>and think of
> how to help us out of this mess as soon as
> posible,until this fund is transfer,if not nothing is
> working fine,even to eat here in africa is not
> easy,because we are not even working,the UNITED
> NATIONS takes little care of us at will,by tomorrow i
> will send my id photo to you,because is already night
> here,
> Following my previous message, I have made all the
> necessary and important clearance to the security and
> finance company where the money is deposited and they
> are now waiting for me to come for the final transfer
> of the funds which I contacted you to enable you call
> them and instruct them to transfer the funds to you as
> my foreign partner pending my arrival to join you.
>
> Take a very good note that the funds was deposited and
> insured for safe keeping as a valuable family treasure
> kept in a silver coated box. You should please
> call the security company as soon as you get this
> informations to instruct them to shift the fund over
> to you in your country, do not disclose the content of
> the box to them, just tell them that you want the
> asset of matthan,s family to be transfer to you as you
> are in business and family partnership with his
> family.
>
> Use the below informations to contact the security
> and finance company , please you should not forget
> that I trust and count upon you regarding proper
> handling of the money, I hope you will not reveal
> these informations to any third party so that they
> will not use the informations to claim my money in the
> security and finance company. Bear in mind that the
> money holds my future mutual hope as a man which you
> can understands from my past mail.
>
> MEGARR FORCE SECURITY AND
> FINANCE COMPANY
> 144 AVENUE PRESIDENT LAMINE GUEYE
> DAKAR/SENEGAL
>

What the hell is this, Desu? There is no Megarr Force Security and
Finance Company in Senegal. I checked. I phoned a friend of mine at
the American Embassy there. He drove by the area in question, and
there's nothing more there than dentist offices and Sandaga Market
market stalls and an elementary school. The Canadian Embassy is also
nearby. There's even a car dealership. Hotels, a few office buildings
and other businesses, but there is certainly no Megarr Force located
at that address. He even walked on foot for a while to make sure he
hadn't missed it. Desu, did the security company already steal your
money? You don't seem to trust them, is it possible they've already
taken your money and given you a false address?

> TEL :00221 640 56 09
> FAX :00221 826 19 61
>
> EMAIL:[email protected]
> CONTACT PERSON : Dr Leopold Sarr,
> Director forign service department.

Desu, no legitimate security company would have a Yahoo address.
That's free email. A legitimate security company would have its own
website and be able to provide its own email domain. And there is no
record of any such company existing in Senegal. I had my friend check,
to make sure. Desu, I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but I
think you've already been scammed by the security company. My friend
at the embassy also had the police look into the phone number. It's a
mobile, on the Alize network, and the likely handset is a GSM900. The
operator is Sonatel, and it's possible the authorities there can trace
these wrongdoers with that information. Desu, rest assured, the
authorities will be looking into your plight and seeing if they can
nab these thieves. Don't lose hope.

This makes it that much more important that you cooperate in my
campaign for you and the other refugees. I'm sure there would be an
overwhelming outpouring of support and contributions for a young man
such as yourself that's had his only hope taken away by a dishonest
security company, has a poor, sick mother, and is experiencing woeful
conditions as a refugee, being oppressed in Senegal. Perhaps we can
even get a sympathy visa for you and your mother. I'm sure there are
numerous countries out there just dying to let in the poor, unwashed
and oppressed like yourselves.

--

Trina Perkins

In other words "Sorry, Desu. I know your security company sucks bigtime from the last bait. I'm not fooling with them, this time. And you made the mistake of claiming your security company was in an area I could Google up lots of details about. Let's see you wiggle off this hook."

Desu, as expected, tries to get money out of me in a sympathy bid. C'mon! Pay poor, sick mum's medical bills!

Quote:

Dear Trina Perkins,

thanks for the mail,i will have to study this your
mail tomorrow afternoon,my mother is really sick as i
am written to you now and i need to change her
hospital to principal hospital and they are charges us
closer to 500 dollars because she has a high blood
tention couple with other shock,so please i will like
you to help me with this little money as soon as you
recieved this mail,
you can send it to us using western union, with this
address,

DESU MATTHAN
UNITE 6 PARCELL ASSN
DAKAR SENEGAL.

is very urgent please so that i can get time and check
and come back to you with full information,
i wait to hear from you
desu

That "high blood tension" can be a real bugger, I hear. But never fear! Trina has lots of connections, worldwide!

Quote:

I'm afraid it's after business hours, and all the businesses are
closed tomorrow. It's Good Friday. There's no way I can send you the
money tomorrow, and what with this being Easter weekend, it's a
holiday.

And $500 isn't going to solve the root problem of your mother's
medical care. Look, what's your mother's name and which hospital is
she in? Seriously, I can have a friend of mine on the phone and he'll
have people ready to airlift her to the finest hospital in the area
right away. Focus, Desu. Your mother's health is the immediate
concern, and I'm sure you want the best care for her. I can help
provide that. If she's too unwell to be moved, give me the hospital
name and location, and I can have a pack of the finest physicians
there in no time. I've got connections all over. I can pull in some
favors and have some fine doctors come and treat her in person. These
are doctors I would trust with my own life, and they would take
excellent care of your mother, Desu.

Remember, Desu, stand firm. They're not allowed to refuse your mother
treatment or put her out on the street because you can't pay. It's
against the law for them to do so. I've checked. Just keep stating
your rights, and give me the information necessary to get the medical
help to your mother. They'll treat her for free, Desu. In fact, I'm
pretty sure one of my friends could talk the hospital into waiving the
charges. They owe him big time down there. He's done charity work for
damned near every medical facility in the country, and they would do
anything to keep him happy. Including forgetting about the little
matter of your mother's bill.

Trina

Desu lingers a while. He's probably off for Easter, like me.

I poke him post-holiday.

Quote:

Desu, I haven't heard from you in a while. Has your mother taken a
turn for the worse?

Trina

Desu, not surprisingly, still wants money. He does the sympathy bid again.

Quote:

Dear Trina,
thanks for the mail,as you decided to leave me i do not know what to say
so where are we now?
thanks

That's okay. I'm good at guilt trips too. I can even do guilt trips with YOUR imaginary sick mother!

Quote:

I decided to leave you? What are you talking about? I offered to help
lobby for you and to get your mother to a better hospital with better
doctors, and you never got back to me. Don't you care about your
mother at all? I've told you, I can have the finest doctors available
there for her care.

Trina

Imaginary Mum apparently doesn't have a name, as Desu refuses to give it to me. Or he's never bothered to think one up.

Quote:

Dear Trina Perkins,

thanks for the mail,i just came back now from the region where my mother is and things is not easy for us,so please if you can help me with the money do it for us now so that i will go and bring her inside dakar and take her to either principal or clinic de cap all inside Dakar where your dr will help us better but i need to pay some bills now and go with her,please respond now,so that i will know what to do,you can give me your number to call you now please is very urgent.
thanks
desu

Stupid Desu. Make up a name!

Quote:

I've already asked you to provide the name of the hospital where your
mother is staying. I can arrange to have her moved, for free, to the
finest hospital in the region, and the best doctors available will be
attending to her. Do you understand? This will be at no cost to you.
You won't need money for the bills. I'll make sure they're paid. Yet,
you refuse to give me the name and location of the hospital where your
mother is. Do you not care about your mother?

All you have to do is tell me your mother's name and where she is
staying. She is still in the hospital, right? If you will just give me
the location and her name, I can arrange for her bills to be paid and
for her to be moved. You don't need to arrange to have her moved. Give
me her location, and it will be done. The doctor will come to her.

And Desu, you STILL haven't provided me with your identification or
your mother's. You said you were going to send that.

Trina

I'm not sending you any damned money! But you can't accuse me of not trying to help. It's a Mugu Catch 22! I can practically hear Desu's mind turning from here while he tries to think up a way around my very reasonable offer to help. It's like when you tell someone who says "I'm hungry. Give me some money." that you'll buy them food, but not give them money. If they truly need the help, they'll accept your conditions. If not, they're scamming.

The poor, dense dear makes one last attempt.

Quote:

Dear Trina Perkins,

thanks for the mail,i am still in dakar waiting for you to help me out with the money which i demand from you,because my mother is very far from here,she is admiteed in the general hospital inside st louis and i am preparing to go there and bring her to the town either today and tomorrow where she will be recieving treament by your doctors,so this is the situation,i am runing helter skelter to get money,if you will assist me please do it immediatelly before we can speaking about other things.
i wait to hear from you
desu

Trina gets rather snarky in return, since Desu is daring to demand.

Quote:

> Dear Trina Perkins,
>
> thanks for the mail,i am still in dakar waiting for you to help me out with
> the money which i demand from you,

Demand? Demand!? You have a lot of gall, Desu, claiming you can demand
anything from me. I am offering to help your mother directly, and all
you do is give me the runaround.

>because my mother is very far from
> here,she is admiteed in the general hospital inside st louis

And what is her name? Name! Desu, you have to give me her name as
well, so the doctors know what patient to help. Are you slow or just
callous, Desu? I've asked you again and again for her name, and you
refuse to give it. I've also asked for your identification repeatedly,
and you still haven't sent it, even when you offered to do so earlier.
Do you not even care about your mother enough to take the direct help
that is being offered? All you seem interested in is getting your
hands on some money. You don't seem interested in helping your mother
at all, Desu. I'm beginning to think you would happily leave your
mother to rot away in the hospital as long as you could get your hands
on some cash.

Talk about selfish! You are, at the very least, being taken care of in
the refugee camp. You may not have a lot of money, but you are at
least clothed and fed and healthy. Your poor mother is lying sick in a
hospital, and you won't even do the simplest thing to help her by
giving me her NAME, so she can be seen by my doctors and given special
attention. Instead, you keep asking me to call you on the phone and
chat you up about sending you money! Why don't you sell that phone,
Desu, if you're so desperate for cash? Or how about actually
COOPERATING with my efforts to help you?

You seem incredibly selfish. It's all about you, isn't it? No care for
the other poor refugees in the same plight, no interest in helping
improve their lot by doing such a simple thing as sending pictures of
you and your mother, or at least your IDs, and no interest in giving
me your mother's name, so she can be helped. It's just "send me money,
send me money, send me money". I'm beginning to think you might not
even have a sick mother. You may just be making this all up, to make
me feel sorry for you.

>and i am
> preparing to go there and bring her to the town either today and tomorrow
> where she will be recieving treament by your doctors,

I have told you, all you need to do is give me her location and name,
and THEY will take care of moving her. You've gotten it half right, so
far. You've given me her location. Let's try getting it completely
right now. Your mother must have a name. Do you not even know it?

>so this is the
> situation,i am runing helter skelter to get money,if you will assist me
> please do it immediatelly before we can speaking about other things.
> i wait to hear from you
> desu
>

I've offered you assistance. And the terms for that assistance. You
keep ignoring them. If you really want help, start complying with my
very simple requests.

Trina
--

There follows much silence. I attempt to prod Desu into another response.

Quote:

Desu, apparently you're a completely selfish asshole who doesn't care
about your mother at all, assuming you actually have one.

Another lovely young man, apparently in a similar situation, is
cooperating with our campaign to aid refugee rights in Senegal. He's
sent his identification, personal photos in order to prove it is
indeed him in the identification, and he's been simply marvelous about
assisting us in getting the word out. In fact, one of the doctors
there put him up in a local hotel, and we're working on getting him a
student visa, so he can complete his studies here in the States. We
may even get him here before summer classes begin.

I do hope his sacrifice and extra work eventually translates to
greater rights for refugees like yourself. Best of luck with things,
Desu. I pity your mother, having such a selfish son, who is so focused
on getting money that he won't even accept help for his mother when it
is offered.

Trina

Sadly, it bounced, so I can't fulfill my dream of baiting Desu for months and months on end as a parade of women all more concerned about his mother than his millions. Somehow, the fact that I could smell Desu's desperation to find a loophole that allowed him to make some money off of me more than made up for the desire for a trophy. I think his desperate attempts to try to convince me to send him the money directly was the trophy, here. It was oddly satisfying.

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